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This is a great expression of what I'm sure many of us feel, and the process required to break through the paralysis. For me, daily meditation is working wonders by helping eliminate the fight or flight response that comes with administrative work.
I've never heard it described as a fight or flight response... This is interesting... Opening 40 tabs to research everything about fight or flight... FML😫🤣
Me too. It's awful. And I just get more work piled on and more interruptions, it's snowballing and I see no way out lol except it's not funny at all lol. Anyway, I wish you luck!
I'm just trying to change careers at this point. I can't do this anymore. Reminds me of being in school again when I ran into this exact problem all the time.
Me three. Absolutely hate management... just because my empathetic heart is good at supporting my team.... the interruptions combined with an added task list make we want to run away. Far Far from Canada... somewhere warm... just coding and web design. Just peace.
My to-do list for both work and personal life is insane and just keeps growing. Last I checked was up to 25 important things. "Procrastination" is my Kryptonite or biggest character flaw.
This! So much this! I try to plan, try to make a life move, and all I can think about his how badly I’m going to fail so it’s not even worth my time, and I move onto something I’m confident about. And those things never move my life along.
Yeah 43 and realizing I have never pursued a worthwhile endeavor in my career because of being both perfectionist and severely afraid of failure. I just sit on the sidelines waiting for just the right moment, which, if that moment does ever come, by then I have forgotten the importance of those plans and have become distracted by the next shiny idea. An idea which will inevitably land in the wasteland of promise.
Same, and I feel horrible but when my wife asks me to do more then a couple things in a day ( and she's being 1000% percent reasonable ) I hate that it gets me irritable and mad . I wanna get it to done I do, but like I don't wanna start it, I'd rather be relaxing,
like you want me to do the dishes but I need to sweep to even wanna be in there and I need to do the litter boxes before I sweep or I'll get litter all over my sweep floor. Before I do litter boxes, I need to get the litter replacement from the shop. And just to do dishes, iv now cleaned litter boxes, fed cats, spent 20 minutes finding the right thing on spotify, sweep the floor and did the dishes, 😭
GOD, this is so me. i want to build a stand for underneath my IKEA cube unit holding my vinyl/VHS/books/etc. I bought it in APRIL and the box is still propped up on my living room wall. my apartment is already a mess because i want to reorganize/restructure my closet so i need to clean that up before building the stand so i've got room to do it but i know i have to make more of a mess by taking everything OUT of the IKEA cube unit so i can lift it and put the stand underneath so then i just sit here and do nothing and it's the most frustrating thing in the world
This is probably the top 1 or 2 for me as well. Up there with it is how damn difficult it is to keep a schedule. I can plan all day long, but when it comes to actually getting thinngs done on time, good ol ADHD ain't got time fo that. Yet still I persist...
First time I'm seeing the phrase "task paralysis" and I can totally relate! People always tell me how smart and skilled I am yet I can't seem to put any of it to use.
This! Soooo much information that when ever I go to apply it to something I can't find the F.. ING tab that I saved it in. Information overload is so real🤯
This right here ! After finding out I've had ADHD and wondering why I'm hard to motivate. I have no real drive and when I do, most things I loose interest in just a few days or weeks. I'm on strattera now and seems to help a bit. I've been playing the Pokemon TCG for a few months now on the regular And planning to go compete all over next year. I can def get excited for that but anything else I have no interest.
Been taking Strattera for the past few months and feel the same way. It’s like the older I get, the worse the symptoms are. Particularly the disinterest
Maybe it's disillusionment with the world? I find it hard to get motivated because there’s just so much bad stuff and so little hope that things could get better. All of the motivational language sounds so fake to me, designed to make people productive for capitalism, but not necessarily happy or fulfilled.
Add some struggles with emotional regulation, social issues leading to isolation, constant stress…
I try to stay 'positive and grateful' but that sentience in itself is a capitalism enforcing the social pressure of suck it up and dish out.
What if I just wanted to scream for a month straight in a safe space? Eat coupous amounts of cheese and fruit while on a beach?
And when all my needs are fulfilled, I bet I will want to be part of making the collective a place more full of love however that will be.
I feel that too, but.
The world is actually in the best state it's ever been, what you're referring to is Declinism, everything seems worse now as we're in the communication age so everything gets communicated instantaneously. At least we don't have Genghis Khan sweeping across the plain to attack us, or 1/3 of Europe dying to a plague, etc etc.
Just being able to go into a supermarket and buy things that have been created with millions of machines and minds and shipped from all over the world is a logistical marvel...
Sure, overall quality of life is so much better for the large majority of people.
I think this argument is reductive though and it misses the point. I can’t remember now where I read the counter arguments to Pinker~~ton~~. Possibly in The Dawn of Everything. Quite a few things actually are in decline.
At least when people were actual serfs, they didn’t have to pretend otherwise. I truly believe that we live in a world with people feeling more alienated from themselves and the work they do than ever.
But even ignoring that debate, I can tell you that life seemed a lot more hopeful in the 1990s than it seems now. Back then, I thought things had a chance of getting better over time. Now we’re backsliding into more and more militarization and wars (gone is the illusion of enlightened modernity), we’ve squandered our chance to counter climate change, we’ve shown ourselves to be incapable of long term thinking in so many areas.
Sorry, this may not be the most cohesive argument, I just woke up and I’m sick.
edited to fix Steven Pinker's name
Yep! I'm currently on 100 mg and got rid of the irritation issue and keeps my moods in check which is great but everything else and the focus, idk I'm just not really feeling it to much.
Man so the most recent stuff I got into before being medicated was nuts. Went from buying a crap ton of gunpla ( Gundams to build) a MIDI ( to learn to make music on the computer) pop figures , collecting pokemon cards. With meds I did take one main hobby, the Pokemon card collection and started to actually play with them. Now the last few months I've been playing locals, making new friends and started a local group to get other stores connected so players can figure out where to meet up and play.
Working on something I love is getting harder as I get older. Things I don't like are impossible. Unfortunately all of the meds I have tried have either given me really high blood pressure or an irregular heart beat. The frustrating part is most of them work well to get me going on the things I don't want to do.
Oh my gosh, this is SO true!! Like I finally have the will to clean my house. Then when I’m finished, I have plenty of time to craft, yet I sit on the couch and zone out.
I remember the early days of medication. It was unbelievable how easy and FUN! it felt to work on regular mundane work projects. It literally changed my life, but that feeling only lasted about two months.
Now the meds are still extremely helpful and vital to my performance, but it takes a lot more conscious effort to set myself up for a good day. Even with medication, simply getting started and staying on topic is my biggest struggle.
i romanticize my first day on adderall almost 3 years ago constantly because it made me realize my brain IS capable of feeling "normal" or at least what i think that word is supposed to mean. my brain was QUIET. it was eerie. i sat down on my floor and made a vision board out of magazine cutouts for 5 hours. i haven't felt that way or had that silence in my mind since. it's honestly fucked with me mentally, too
same! i thought i was broken for the longest time because i couldnt understand why i couldnt just get up and do the thing i needed or even WANTED TO DO!!
My problem is the 'legal' meds just aren't as good as the not-legal ones on a therapeutic level. After a couple of decades self-medicating, the maximum permitted dose of the legal stuff barely touches the sides. And ritalin made me feel edgey AF. Dexamfetamine works but an effective dose for me is like triple wha they're allowed to prescribe.
Omfg the masturbating is a mood LMAO. Used to be addicted then I started vaping. Then I quit and now it's back to it. It's usually the worst when I don't take my meds. So basically I get task paralysis bc I'm too busy flicking the bean 😭😭
I spent literally 22 of the past 48 hours watching porn. Not sure though if that’s my obsessive tendencies or ADHD or the mania sometimes brought on by my meds or a bit of everything?!
I'm like this but on a different scale. I say shit without thinking, do shit without thinking and then I'm like if only I had stopped for a second and thought about it.
Definitely getting a sleep schedule down, or any other schedule or routine I want to do to better my mental and physical health. In the morning I’m dead to the world, even with adderall (5mg), but at night, I’m ready to work on every project, design idea, workouts, and anything else my brain decides is more important to focus on than actually going to sleep.
It honestly feels like I’m pumped and ready to handle it all for a few days to maybe a week, but then I get bored of and wonder off and think about it one day and feel disappointed, because that was so long ago, and look how much progress on that stuff I’ve just missed out on.
Same! I struggle so hard to wake up in the mornings, I am in my second year of university and last semester skipped nearly every morning class. When I have a break from school I sleep in past 2pm then don’t take my meds because I wouldn’t sleep. But some nights even if I don’t take my meds I don’t sleep like at all I end up staying up well over 24 hours. When I wake up late all my motivation leaves my body
I have at least one of these every two weeks on average. I don’t think my support worker believes me when I told her that when I’m in that mode, even the strongest sleeping tablets wouldn’t knock me out, there’s just nothing I can do about it. I’m working on getting a night time routine/schedule but so far it’s not happening.
I’ve just heard about grounding bed sheets though so I’m going to order one of them being already know how good grounding is for me, so it’s worth a try.
I was lucky enough to have hacked my sleep via shift work at an early age. 5 years at a factory where every month we went back a shift (from 1st to 3rd, then to 2nd, then back to 1st) at the start of each month. I was determined to move out of a bad situation so I didn't have much choice, and the work was physical, so I soon got very used to sleeping whenever I was "supposed" to. Instead of adapting to the rotating schedule, I adapted to having ZERO schedule, just whatever my job at the time demanded.
I have heard talks about ADHD being a continued trait from hunters or village defenders, being most active at night, easy to startle, and extremely observant, as well as adapting various skills to be able to handle situations when the rest of the skilled clan was asleep. I don't know how much of that is true but I like the idea.
This gets me. I love making plans and doing research and I can easily spend more time researching how to keep doing something routinely than actually doing it.
Even if a routine is majorly helping me, I can usually keep it up for 3-6 months tops before I get bored and just stop doing it and stop benefitting from it. Recently got a dental hygiene habit going and I am really going to be scrambling to make this one stick if I don't want to go for even more fillings on top of the many I just had to get.
Either irritability related to overstimulation, or finding energy/motivation to do hobby related or self care things. I’ve always been able to muster the energy to do what’s absolutely necessary (like go to work, pay bills, most hygiene stuff) but the consequence being I couldn’t do ANYTHING after work. No talking to friends or doing anything fun :’)
Are you me?
This 100% things I LOVE doing ... I have such a hard time motivating myself to do. I do the basics of life and then have zero motivation to do anything else even if I know I'll enjoy it. And I'm always exhausted.
Taking care of myself and my body. I struggle with eating and drinking water, keeping up with laundry to have enough clean clothes, showering, changing bedsheets…basically anything that requires extra work on my part. Even on meds, I’m so busy being productive in every other way that everything else goes to the wayside.
Then suddenly, it’s 6pm and I realize I haven’t eaten or drank. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve washed my hair and I’m not wearing underwear because I don’t have any clean ones.
I wish more people talked about the difficulty of keeping up with life things…. Like sometimes before my medicine wears off, after a full day at work the last thing you want to do is cook or clean… it’s so hard to do all that, and be expected to keep up with work as well. I genuinely don’t know how people do it all.
Lmfao this. Also food is great, there's a lot of good things to eat, but sometimes having to eat is annoying. Like I won't be hungry but I know if I don't eat I'll feel like shit later lol
you're not alone in this. i'm terrible at making myself shower. especially everything showers. it feels like a chore. once i'm in, i'm fine. but getting in and getting out is nearly impossible. i have so many clothes to put away that i put some in bags and put them out in my storage shed so i can bring them in one at a time and wash them and put them away so i'm not overwhelmed, but i did that 2 months ago and all the bags are still out there 
I can't form habits. Ever. Unless its stimulating. I can repeat a boring habit for a year and just burn out eventually. But stimulating stuff like video games are an instant addiction. I almost get fired every time I burn out at work
The inability to form habits sucks major ass. Most everyday tasks would be a breeze if I could just make a habit of them. But I can't. Feels debilitating.
self-care routines such as brushing teeth everyday or taking showers regularly, feeling almost dead most of the mornings and opposite at night time, unscheduled meetings or calls at work, small tasks that literally take 5 min but can not be done until someone pushes me to get it done after a month, such fun things..
ADHD paralysis. Once I get going I'm fine, but overcoming that inertia is still a struggle. Vyvanse has made it easier but I still have to bribe myself to get the day started.
Doing things 😂 being a responsible adult.
I’ve needed to renew my passport for like six years. Paying bills. Being financially responsible in terms of idk investing and shit. Cleaning. Staying organized. All of it.
Going to bed at a half decent hour. Night time is when I feel like I am free to dedicate time to my hyper fixations. Prior to finding out I have ADHD I would justify staying up till stupid o’clock to draw/sew/crotchet etc as everyone is asleep and this is my only time I can do these things uninterrupted.
Also task paralysis. I spent the first half of the day just sort of moving around several spots in my home watching videos on my phone. I’d lean on my table and watch them, then oh no spent a long time there doom scrolling so I’d make myself a coffee and find myself leaning on the kitchen bench watching videos then I’d somehow end up sitting in my outdoor area doing the same
Are you me? Medication solved most of my problems, except regular and good sleep.
Sometimes I don't want to go to sleep because finally there's free time to follow and hyperfocus on my hobby projects. Just a little bit, half an hour... and then it's suddenly 3am.
Sometimes I don't even want to do anything, even feel kind of tired and go to bed, but my brain simply refuses to shut off. Melatonin helps sometimes. Or I just take a low dosage pill of my meds, if it feels like understimulation, then it works like a sleep aid. So annoying. Why does my brain have to be like this? :/
you both sound like me. i relate to this HEAVILY. nighttime gives me the amount of quiet i can't get during the day. even if i can't decide on something to watch and finish my doom scroll lazy susan i have in my brain, i still can't make myself go to sleep even though it'd be the smart and responsible thing to do because i don't want to miss out on "me" time. i live alone. it's always "me" time.
In a similar boat – my relationship is crumbling around me and I don't see much hope. Sending you positivity and solidarity so we can hopefully make it through.
honestly just forgetting. i forget to eat. i forget to text my mom back. i forgot i had to pee for the last 2 hours. i forgot i was upset about that very valid thing happening. i forgot what i had to buy at the store after leaving my house 3 minutes ago. i forgot if the light was actually green or if i just ran it. i forget about people when they are gone too long. i forget about feelings, thoughts, things, places. it’s debilitating and makes me feel like a bad person sometimes when i forget about good friends or important things.
Also i’m not sure if it’s an ADHD thing but i am one of if not the most indecisive person i know. i won’t eat if idk what to pick. idk anything. i have no wants it’s weird.
OH AND IM ALWAYS LATE. ALWAYS. ALWAYS.
i struggle very hard with time blindness
Perfectionism helps kill task initiation
Overwhelm often causes me to shutdown and struggle with prioritization
Prioritization boring stuff gets put off until near crises level
Building routines is insanely difficult, but once done they’ve been one of the biggest lifesavers
Not talking to myself like shit. I struggle badly with perfectionism to the point that if something isn’t to my unrealistically high standard then it ruins my entire day and i end up in the worst mood.
Yo okay this is exactly how I feel. I'm a graphic designer and I can't even start a project because I am in a rut of feeling like it's not going to be perfect, so why even start anything? It's so annoying.
I have a strong will to prove to myself I can do things though, so I have been trying to convince myself it's ok if it's not perfect. Some days are better than others.
I’m an ex dancer/ choreographer and now I’m a barber. Both are creative jobs. Perfectionism is a good thing but it’s definitely a curse at the same time. I’ll be mid haircut sometimes and just think ‘ I should give up now’ because on tiny part of the hair cut isn’t how I imagined it in my head. Same goes for choreographing a dance, I would spend 5 hours going over the same count of 8 because anything I created afterwards wasn’t the standard I wanted it. A mouthful I know… but it’s actually exhausting!
Totally relatable! And then it's frustrating seeing someone else make a design that obviously isn't perfect, but they completed a project and it looks pretty good. Which is like someone else choreographs a dance that may have an awkward step or two in it, but they spend half the time and have a completed dance that is pretty good. It's like discouraging when people make it look easy
Yes!!!! It’s such a nice feeling knowing I’m not alone with this experience!
In those instances I try to tell myself that every day is another opportunity to learn and growth isn’t linear! We’ll get there eventually we just need to be kinder and patient with ourselves x
My working memory is non existent and I struggle following along with any verbal instructions because my inner monologue never stops rambling.
And generally everything else as well. But I’ve really been able to stop giving a fuck about most things that are not important. For the important things, I have air tags, alarms, and sticky notes.
It's the hardest to start my personal projects probably because of rejection sensitivity, imposter syndrome and random hyper focused mixed in with time blindness. For example, I've been mentally trying to get into the headspace to do deep work regarding a work course that'd open up a lot more opportunities but... I notice when I'm halfway or almost done with something it seems like I stay on the tip of the mountain looking at all of the possible downsides instead of continuing forward. But ask me to do someone else's work OR make processes? I'm there ☠️
Is that a hallmark of ADHD?? I'm in such a frustrating time of my life because of some of what you're talking about.. I've been struggling with it for most of my life. And I'm on medication.
I have word salad issues when talking to people. What I’m thinking for a conversation makes sense in my head, but I can’t speak without saying something people don’t understand sometimes. Like always jumbling up my words. It’s rough and I always sound dumb.
Omg me too 😞i notice that it gets worse when im anxious, which is like most of the time at work. Sometimes the thoughts go poof right before I speak. There’s no knowing what’s gonna come out of my mouth, my real thoughts or my work appropriate responses, and if it will make sense. So I end up managing to say half of the work appropriate thought, aka the masking thought. I think my background thoughts take away too much of my attention to be able to formulate responses in a timely manner 😭 I speak in such a fragmented way, eventually getting my whole thought out after a couple of tries, but only if someone doesn’t interrupt! I noticed that some people speak in paragraphs at a time, and when i hear that, I KNOW my brain is different. When I’m comfortable at home I can put sentences together, most of the time.
I'm on sick leave due to exhaustion, so it feels like I have all the time in the world to catch up on things I can't manage after work because I'm too tired, but I just can't get around to doing them.
Like, we have curtains that need shortening, a completely abandoned, overgrown garden I really want to work on, because I love it, the house has not been cleaned properly in months, and I've been trying to do at least something for 2 weeks already, but the only things I have at least partially managed are the dishes and the laundry. And to keep the cat fed, he's an absolute priority.
I finally sat down and did 2 curtains out of 5 today, took me 3 hours. 2 tiny curtains! Yes, I'm not an experienced seamstress, and the fabric and the measurements were a true hassle, as well as finding the least horrible stitch, adjusting thread tension, picking the right needle, but 2 tiny, measly curtains! And I physically could not move afterwards, I was completely done in.
i struggle being me.
i know thats kinda dumb, i feel defectuous, totally mentally unbalanced. and when things are going good, and i notice things are going good, i start wondering when the shitstorm will start again.
Sticking to the main task and not going off tangent. Whenever I want to do something, a thousand thoughts and questions arise related to what I am doing but not important and I would just spend hours exploring those non essential things instead of what is more urgent. While it obviously most harmful in my career, it impacts all other things. I want to watch a movie, then I am like who is the actor playing in, then 5 hours later I am still on the web, looking at some news story that originated from the Wikipedia page of the actor after like 20 degrees of separation and I forgot what movie I originally was planning to watch in the first place.
I struggle with time blindness/time management. I can visualize an end result and work a problem or a predictable process through, but mentally mapping that out and what time each element will realistically take is tough for me to do. Also, if I have a list of to-dos and one task requires a little basic research to finish, it's *easy* for me to get distracted.
Hyper fixating on negative thoughts. Something bad happens but not horrible I then think about so many what if ands maybes that I’m feeling devastated because I had so many negative thoughts when it reality it wasn’t even that bad. No one really seems to understand it either.
I can normally separate the real from the dreamed up . But dreams still leave real emotions. It’s tough
Emotional dysregulation, rumination, and negative self talk. Adderall has helped immensely with ADHD paralysis and motivation and focus but I still struggle a lot with the emotional aspects of ADHD. I have my first therapy appointment since being diagnosed and put on stimulants with a psychologist tomorrow 🤞!!
Attention. I struggle so much to keep my mind busy with things from work and I start to look for interesting things or chores I need to do from my house. I tend to look for things that keeps my interest, it can be products I want to buy or even investigate certain topics that come to my mind like how electric cars work, facts about basketball and football, or videogames.
And Motivation. I'm at the point that everytime I start cleaning my house I don't stop until my motivation goes off so I can get that "boost" even when I have other things to do. With the work it's the same thing.
Constantly racing thoughts and quickly changing, excruciating emotions. They are sometimes incredibly hard to withstand and can feel almost like physical pain.
Getting up and doing shit. Even doing thins that im interested in. Things that would be incredibly easy to simply do. I think today ill clsan my room though.
I don't think I've had a good night of sleep in the last 20 years. I sleep on average 4-5 hours a night(mostly on the 4 hour side of the average) and I struggle with daytime sleepiness as well as brain fog. On top of it all, I also have sleep apnea, so the 4-5 hours I get isn't quality sleep at all - it's just my body struggling to breathe the whole time. I don't dream, I sleep the sleep of the dead, floating in pure darkness. Meanwhile, I'm told to push through, to just "get more sleep"... by people that can sleep anytime they want, for as long as they want... They couldn't survive a single day living the way I have to, day in, day out.
Speed. Please tell me someone can relate or offer advice. I cannot seem to get through tasks fast enough, and it has caused massive issues with part time jobs and now full time jobs as I’ve started my career in healthcare. Everything just seems to take twice as long with double the effort, while everyone else effortlessly completes tasks in half the time without breaking a sweat
You must have a slow processing speed like I do. Remember it’s nothing to do with what you’re doing - it just takes your brain longer to process things.
Right now it’s sensory overwhelm, overstimulation triggering anxiety/stress and draining my energy. Work drains me so I spend my evenings and weekends out of sorts trying to recover. I lost interest doing things I used to love like reading and art because I struggle to engage my brain in doing the thing so I just exist. But I want to do the things!! It’s not great lol
Sometimes it’s nice to come on here & see you’re not alone in all these struggles 😭
All of these comments make me feel, ironically, a bit more sane LOL
Love this community ❤️
Task paralysis… my house is so disorganised yet I just sit in it and scroll my phone or watch something on my MacBook.
Music helps me, I bought myself some of the new Apple headphones as a super treat and they are amazing. I put on a playlist and just get to it. I also just bought a new portable speaker that I’m yet to use.
Rumination and just generally not being interested in things. Recently diagnosed at 35. The amount of habits I’ve formed over the years are a pain to break. I no longer have confidence to start anything due to quitting so much. It is amazing that somehow I have a wife, 2 kids, and a home.
At this point I feel like a hollow shell of what i once was. Quit drinking, got help, vyvanse prescription. Now Im at a fork in the road
Deciding if I want to take my medication or not each day. It helps me but I also don't like feeling medicated... It's a forever struggle which ends up making me take maybe half my meds a month
Edit: oh and eating while on my meds. I struggle with appetite enough, chuck a vyanse in and it might as well only be breakfast and dinner.
ADHD induced anxiety and depression. Not being able to start. Time management. Planning things. Rejections. Regulating my emotions so as to not be overwhelmed and frustrated for no reason especially when someone tells me to do something I'm not interested in doing.
I think I struggle most with internal motivation - it just doesn’t exist for me. If there is something I don’t want to do, then I won’t do it.
I have found the solution to this internal motivation is to create an external scaffolding of responsibility to get me motivated. If I have a person that needs me to do the thing, and they give me a clear deadline, then I will get it done.
An example? Taxes - I fucking hate taxes, but my husband requires that I get my tax papers gathered, organized and signed so that he can actually file our taxes. He needs me to have all of this done one month before our taxes are due. It’s a clear deadline and task, and I always get it done - not for myself, but I do it for him.
I do this for all sorts of things - even if it’s something trivial I usually have a friend, family member etc that is affected by the thing. and ask them to hold me to a deadline. This way I HAVE to get it done.
Feeling awake and alert in the morning. Even with 15mg of Adderall IR I still feel sluggish. I really start going around noon but I have work at 2 until 11pm 😞. Oh! Actually feeling motivated in the mornings is a HUGE struggle too
Job hopping. In the last 15 years I'm at nearly 15 different job titles.
People in this sub talk about some job fields where they "have something different every day," and I just laugh...because no single field really has the kind of different every day that I crave:
I want to do cybersecurity on Monday, give a keynote speech at a large conference on Tuesday, fly a plane on Wednesday, fix plumbing and/or HVAC on Thursday, and then have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off.
I've been in my current job barely 6 months and I like it...but I also know it's not going to last.
Someday I'll figure out how I can get all that variety...probably by starting a handful of businesses and running them all at the same time.
I can relate! I get so bored of I can’t keep up since I hyper fixate on a certain project. I’ve been fired from all my jobs. I’ve worked with at least 20-30 different companies since 18 😭 maybe the meds will help? Idk 😔
The most engrained and difficult to change are: Decision paralysis - I can’t make a decision to save my life.. I’ll often be in the supermarket for far too long trying to pick between items or forcing someone else to make a decision for me.
Bedtime - I can’t stick to a normal bed time or routine, I’ve tried for years to get myself to sleep for like 11pm.. but it’s always 1/2am!
Interrupting people - I really struggle in conversations as I am so over stimulated that I just want to get what I have to say out my head straight away and end up talking over people, finishing their sentences and jumping in. I always worry people think I’m just rude!
Flitting attention - I can’t really focus on one thing at at a time. My audible is just full of like 30 half listened to books, I can’t finish things, I get too excited to do something else, I rarely finish projects or tasks and end up feeling like ‘a Jack of all trades, master of none’
My biggest issue is emotional deregulation, especially when I PMS. I can go from 0 to 100 in nano seconds.
I'm currently looking for a therapist to work through this. It also doesn't help that I'm 39, and I was diagnosed last year 😬
I forget about stuff I want/need to do. If you ask me to do something while I'm doing something else, there is probably a near 100% chance that by the time I'm done with whatever I was doing, even a couple minutes later, I'll forget what you said until a long time later. My routines seem to rule me and are hard to break or add to.
I work between two classrooms. If I go into one room and the teacher hands me stuff but then we start talking, there is a good chance I'll forget what was handed to me in the classroom and remember hours later.
I can't even remember to make my daughter take her OTC meds at night. I can't always remember to bring her antibiotics to school each day if she's on them.
My husband also has ADHD and doesn't understand why I have a pre-made packing document on my laptop that I just edit for my specific needs for that trip that I print off each time we go so I don't forget anything major.
I've taken to asking my husband or my mom or whoever to remind me in a couple minutes for when I'm done with something because I won't remember. My husband doesn't understand why.
I also have Microsoft To Do on my laptop and phone. It has a list of stuff I want to do, no matter how small. I also have a list of meals I bought stuff for (or otherwise I forget, and I'm not good at throwing stuff together).
Negative self speak when things don't go as I expected (especially in the work environment). When that happens, I tend to lock up and my brain stops processing information, which in my job, I can't afford to do that. In general I have to constantly remind myself that it's impossible to anticipate everything and that staying positive is the best thing I can do to move forward, and that if I put myself in a shell, nothing will improve.
Getting to bed.
Not going to sleep, just physically getting upstairs and into bed.
Definitely task paralysis.
There are some I've been sitting on for 2 years and still get overwhelmed by starting them.
Speaking up for myself is another big one. If its for someone wise, no problem, but just feel like I'm annoying if I do it for myself
Emotional regulation coupled with parenting. Every little thing bothers me and pisses me off and then I end up yelling. Partly because I struggle to complete all the things I need to each day to begin with but am forced to anyhow because parenting doesn’t stop. I chose this, but it’s hard as fuck and I feel like I’m drowning.
I feel like I have a complete inability to form habits. Even somethings so basic as “remembering” to go to the bathroom, eat, drink water, any household task - I get them done, but it feels like it saps all of my mental energy and desire. I download and pay for apps to stop me from being distracted and help me get organized but they fail after a few weeks. I also get very irritated by mess and clutter and disorganization but cannot seem to keep things mess free. Just being a human feels patently exhausting, and when I can be successful in one thing, I’m always paying the price somewhere else (usually my career or my bank account).
Two things I’ve consistently struggled with and can’t seem to figure out are:
1) doctors appointments/appointments in general: scheduling them, going to them at all, talking on the phone, doing other things on a day I have an appointment
2) the fact that I’m supposed to eat 3 meals a day: 3 different things? And I have to make them? And also do everything else I’m supposed to do? Too many variables here and I truly can’t compute.
The only thing I *don't* struggle with is emotional regulation. Everything else, yes, paying bills, impulse control, impulsive decisions, losing things, forgetting things, not being able to hold down a job, not responding to messages, not able to look after my health, my teeth, not making appointments, bad memory, substance abuse, abusive relationships, attaching to people that are terrible for me, attaching to people that are *exciting* (terrible for me) forgetting names, forgetting faces, enjoying fire a *little too much*, bad memory, losing things, being late, feeling lost, disassociation, lack of focus, no real sense of consequences, time blindness, hypersexuality, hyperfixations on *stupid stuff that I actually genuinely don't care about*, being late, spending the whole day waiting cos I've got one task that takes like two hours, losing friends, losing family, *losing sleep*, insomnia, premature waking, all the time, endless screaming stupid songs going round and I can't sleep, and there's this stupid song and I can't sleep, and I need to be up in four hours and I *can't sleep* until I pass out and I wake up early and the fucking carnival music clicks on again at full volume and I still *can't sleep*.
But I don't really struggle with emotional disregulation, so I generally feel like a bit of an imposter.
Oh and bad memory- and I know i said already, but bad decisions. God, why are bad decisions always the most appealing? I guess when you aren't good at thinking about the future bad decisions seem like much better decisions.
I don't get the angery side of adhd. I just feel largely kind of dead inside and unimpressed by most stuff.
I also have that thing where, if something really awful or traumatic is happening, I actually feel capable and cogent for a change. I don't feel good, I just feel like I can finally operate properly whilst everyone else is trying to process. I'm great in a crisis, fucking awful in day to day life.
Recalling someone's name after they just told me it.
The biggest coping mechanism that has helped me with my ADHD is making lists.
Lists of lists of lists.
What’s the schedule in your job? I have the exact same issue, i can’t wake up at a set time everyday, and even worse have a daily meeting at that time, i don’t know how others can do it!
Getting up in the morning.
I have heard others putting their adhd meds in their bedside table. Then putting an alarm 15 min prior to take them while still in bed. Then a second alarm to get up 15 min later and its easier to get up once they are in your system.
doing boring things like my taxes
the one that hurts the most is not being able to be creative when i want to be, instead being at the whim of my phases (what i call them). I bought a ton of colouring supplies to do artwork with and I only worked on it for like a week. Now it just sits there and waits for my motivation to come back around
Relationships.
"Am I being attentive? Am I not being attentive enough? What do other people think? Will everyone hate me for breaking up with her? Does she even like me?"
I've figured out MOST of my regular life and how to navigate around my brain. Except for this part. Relationships are incredibly challenging to me unless the girl makes it obvious/easy for me with green lights as far as the eye can see.
anxiety, mostly related to always feeling that there's somewhere else i need to be or something else i need to be doing.
*fwiw, i'm not medicated bc I prefer to spend money on non-medical interventions instead of quacks, petty tyrants and the chaotic pharmaceutical supply chain.*
i battle this by planning my day every morning over coffee.
i copy/paste todo's for today from gmail into calendar.
i have a 7 day routine, with the only difference between weekdays and weekends being that i work for myself on the weekends. this routine is in my calendar.
events from my calendar show on my phone's lock screen and function as an 'hourly todo list'.
bc time blindness, i set a 'top of the hour' alarm for each hour to remind me that a new hour has arrived and that there may be more todo's on my phones lock screen.
this reduces anxiety by allowing me to JUST do whatever I'm doing and not worry that there's somewhere else i need to be or something else i need to be doing and also has my back regarding time blindness.
Executive function - especially when it comes to multi-stepped tasks that involve bringing more than two sets of information (think: navigating back and forth between multiple browser tabs to fill out a form). My working memory gets used up really quick with this kind of a task.
Finishing tasks
And if I do finish, finishing strong.
There was a meme/twitter post from a few years ago that just hit waaaaaaaaaay too hard:
"babe is everything okay? you've barely touched your pile of hundreds of elaborate projects you start but never finish"
Procrastination. I literally wait until the last second with everything because it’s like I can’t do anything until I feel that rush and urgency. Basically I love to stress myself out.
I struggle with just being an adult. I'm 38 and I have never once felt like the adult in a room, even with people younger than me. It's probably all internal, but I am aware of it basically all the time. My house is always messy, I never fix anything on time. Being the way I'm "supposed to be" takes a huge amount of effort and just hurts my soul.
I hate working, it's a huge constant battle for me, and I don't like bars or sports or anything most of my colleagues like. Basically any conversation at work is instantly boring for me and it's hard to pretend interest as I get older lol. I just don't care. Talk to me about writing fiction, or dinosaurs, or earth science. Anything interesting, but small talk is the worst.
So, yeah. No idea what to do about any of it, but I'd like to not hate working so much... Lol. I just started talking to a therapist two weeks ago so I'm hoping that helps.
Consistency.
It feels like the secret sauce to literally everything is actually consistency.
Want a raise at work? They gotta see consistent performance. Want to get into shape? Need to be working out consistently. Healthy relationship? Need to be consistent and reliable. Want to achieve literally anything? Be consistent about it.
So my inability to be consistent is like a guaranteed failure at most things. If I'm lucky and apply myself I can maybe be mostly consistent at a single thing, to the detriment of literally everything else. This appears to be non-neogotiable.
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Overwhelm, and task paralysis! I have the knowledge of the world in my head, but I can’t do anything with it!
the task paralysis! in my brain i can do anything, i have so much knowledge, skills and ideas, but my body does not comply, she just lays here
[удалено]
This is a great expression of what I'm sure many of us feel, and the process required to break through the paralysis. For me, daily meditation is working wonders by helping eliminate the fight or flight response that comes with administrative work.
I've never heard it described as a fight or flight response... This is interesting... Opening 40 tabs to research everything about fight or flight... FML😫🤣
Bet you're feeling so productive researching that too 😂😂
What if meditation is one of the tasks which we are paralysed from starting?
this is the best description I've ever read omg "she just lays here"
Omg i feel exactly the same! I always thought it was only me secretly struggling with this!
I'm going through task paralysis at work. Literally the worst place to be going through it
Me too. It's awful. And I just get more work piled on and more interruptions, it's snowballing and I see no way out lol except it's not funny at all lol. Anyway, I wish you luck!
I'm just trying to change careers at this point. I can't do this anymore. Reminds me of being in school again when I ran into this exact problem all the time.
Me too!!
Me three. Absolutely hate management... just because my empathetic heart is good at supporting my team.... the interruptions combined with an added task list make we want to run away. Far Far from Canada... somewhere warm... just coding and web design. Just peace.
sounds like we’re going through similar shit, i hear you in the us❤️🫡
Hey fellow Canadian, I feel this. It's tough with how pricey life is right now, too. Big hugs, friend.
Yasss please! Take me with you. Feeling stuck and overwhelmed on Vancouver Island
My to-do list for both work and personal life is insane and just keeps growing. Last I checked was up to 25 important things. "Procrastination" is my Kryptonite or biggest character flaw.
Yo you actually maintain your to do list?
Shit, I forget which app I keep mine on😂😂
Honestly can deal with most of adhd issues. Task paralysis is the bane of my existence
This! So much this! I try to plan, try to make a life move, and all I can think about his how badly I’m going to fail so it’s not even worth my time, and I move onto something I’m confident about. And those things never move my life along.
Yeah 43 and realizing I have never pursued a worthwhile endeavor in my career because of being both perfectionist and severely afraid of failure. I just sit on the sidelines waiting for just the right moment, which, if that moment does ever come, by then I have forgotten the importance of those plans and have become distracted by the next shiny idea. An idea which will inevitably land in the wasteland of promise.
Same, and I feel horrible but when my wife asks me to do more then a couple things in a day ( and she's being 1000% percent reasonable ) I hate that it gets me irritable and mad . I wanna get it to done I do, but like I don't wanna start it, I'd rather be relaxing, like you want me to do the dishes but I need to sweep to even wanna be in there and I need to do the litter boxes before I sweep or I'll get litter all over my sweep floor. Before I do litter boxes, I need to get the litter replacement from the shop. And just to do dishes, iv now cleaned litter boxes, fed cats, spent 20 minutes finding the right thing on spotify, sweep the floor and did the dishes, 😭
GOD, this is so me. i want to build a stand for underneath my IKEA cube unit holding my vinyl/VHS/books/etc. I bought it in APRIL and the box is still propped up on my living room wall. my apartment is already a mess because i want to reorganize/restructure my closet so i need to clean that up before building the stand so i've got room to do it but i know i have to make more of a mess by taking everything OUT of the IKEA cube unit so i can lift it and put the stand underneath so then i just sit here and do nothing and it's the most frustrating thing in the world
I have major task paralysis for working on my master's (any office work really) and any errands/chores outside my home (groceries, mail, etc.).
This is probably the top 1 or 2 for me as well. Up there with it is how damn difficult it is to keep a schedule. I can plan all day long, but when it comes to actually getting thinngs done on time, good ol ADHD ain't got time fo that. Yet still I persist...
I hear ya.
Yep, task paralysis and sleep
Ugh. Feel this
First time I'm seeing the phrase "task paralysis" and I can totally relate! People always tell me how smart and skilled I am yet I can't seem to put any of it to use.
This, 1000x this.
Overwhelm, and task paralysis! I have the knowledge of the world in my head, but I can’t do anything with it!\[999\]
Same!!!
This! Soooo much information that when ever I go to apply it to something I can't find the F.. ING tab that I saved it in. Information overload is so real🤯
MOTIVATION. I’ve tried so many meds and nothing makes me feel stoked for anything anymore 😭
This right here ! After finding out I've had ADHD and wondering why I'm hard to motivate. I have no real drive and when I do, most things I loose interest in just a few days or weeks. I'm on strattera now and seems to help a bit. I've been playing the Pokemon TCG for a few months now on the regular And planning to go compete all over next year. I can def get excited for that but anything else I have no interest.
Been taking Strattera for the past few months and feel the same way. It’s like the older I get, the worse the symptoms are. Particularly the disinterest
Maybe it's disillusionment with the world? I find it hard to get motivated because there’s just so much bad stuff and so little hope that things could get better. All of the motivational language sounds so fake to me, designed to make people productive for capitalism, but not necessarily happy or fulfilled. Add some struggles with emotional regulation, social issues leading to isolation, constant stress…
I try to stay 'positive and grateful' but that sentience in itself is a capitalism enforcing the social pressure of suck it up and dish out. What if I just wanted to scream for a month straight in a safe space? Eat coupous amounts of cheese and fruit while on a beach? And when all my needs are fulfilled, I bet I will want to be part of making the collective a place more full of love however that will be.
Thissss. Capitalism is killing us.
Languishing! That's what this feels like.
I feel that too, but. The world is actually in the best state it's ever been, what you're referring to is Declinism, everything seems worse now as we're in the communication age so everything gets communicated instantaneously. At least we don't have Genghis Khan sweeping across the plain to attack us, or 1/3 of Europe dying to a plague, etc etc. Just being able to go into a supermarket and buy things that have been created with millions of machines and minds and shipped from all over the world is a logistical marvel...
Sure, overall quality of life is so much better for the large majority of people. I think this argument is reductive though and it misses the point. I can’t remember now where I read the counter arguments to Pinker~~ton~~. Possibly in The Dawn of Everything. Quite a few things actually are in decline. At least when people were actual serfs, they didn’t have to pretend otherwise. I truly believe that we live in a world with people feeling more alienated from themselves and the work they do than ever. But even ignoring that debate, I can tell you that life seemed a lot more hopeful in the 1990s than it seems now. Back then, I thought things had a chance of getting better over time. Now we’re backsliding into more and more militarization and wars (gone is the illusion of enlightened modernity), we’ve squandered our chance to counter climate change, we’ve shown ourselves to be incapable of long term thinking in so many areas. Sorry, this may not be the most cohesive argument, I just woke up and I’m sick. edited to fix Steven Pinker's name
Yep! I'm currently on 100 mg and got rid of the irritation issue and keeps my moods in check which is great but everything else and the focus, idk I'm just not really feeling it to much.
Omg, I’ve been feeling this same way. The older I get, the worse my symptoms are!!
i had a psychiatrist appt. today and she said this verbatim after i mentioned being so able to "snap back" in my early 20s
Starting to think age is definitely not on my side with adhd, basic life-ING has just become a chore... Wtf, I was never this bad
I was wondering, if you were like me buying all kinds of things for hobbies you want to do, but quickly losing interest?
I don’t even buy the stuff for hobbies anymore. You know it’s bad then, lol.
Man so the most recent stuff I got into before being medicated was nuts. Went from buying a crap ton of gunpla ( Gundams to build) a MIDI ( to learn to make music on the computer) pop figures , collecting pokemon cards. With meds I did take one main hobby, the Pokemon card collection and started to actually play with them. Now the last few months I've been playing locals, making new friends and started a local group to get other stores connected so players can figure out where to meet up and play.
Me. I even bought a tiny gym, I just find I can't care.
I've been in bed or at work for months. I get in bed Friday and get out Monday morning.
Are there cookies involved?
I'm terrible at eating when I get like this. I won't eat unless my husband cooks and cleans. He's very patient. A saint.
Charlie’s Grandparents would be proud. That’s one way to look at it!
Working on something I love is getting harder as I get older. Things I don't like are impossible. Unfortunately all of the meds I have tried have either given me really high blood pressure or an irregular heart beat. The frustrating part is most of them work well to get me going on the things I don't want to do.
Oh my gosh, this is SO true!! Like I finally have the will to clean my house. Then when I’m finished, I have plenty of time to craft, yet I sit on the couch and zone out.
I remember the early days of medication. It was unbelievable how easy and FUN! it felt to work on regular mundane work projects. It literally changed my life, but that feeling only lasted about two months. Now the meds are still extremely helpful and vital to my performance, but it takes a lot more conscious effort to set myself up for a good day. Even with medication, simply getting started and staying on topic is my biggest struggle.
i romanticize my first day on adderall almost 3 years ago constantly because it made me realize my brain IS capable of feeling "normal" or at least what i think that word is supposed to mean. my brain was QUIET. it was eerie. i sat down on my floor and made a vision board out of magazine cutouts for 5 hours. i haven't felt that way or had that silence in my mind since. it's honestly fucked with me mentally, too
same! i thought i was broken for the longest time because i couldnt understand why i couldnt just get up and do the thing i needed or even WANTED TO DO!!
My problem is the 'legal' meds just aren't as good as the not-legal ones on a therapeutic level. After a couple of decades self-medicating, the maximum permitted dose of the legal stuff barely touches the sides. And ritalin made me feel edgey AF. Dexamfetamine works but an effective dose for me is like triple wha they're allowed to prescribe.
Well now I'm curious what non legal meds help ADHD lol I won't take them I'm just curious lol
I’m sorry to hear that. So frustrating.
Impulse control, if it isn't drinking in excess it's overeating or masterbating. It's exhausting.
Omfg the masturbating is a mood LMAO. Used to be addicted then I started vaping. Then I quit and now it's back to it. It's usually the worst when I don't take my meds. So basically I get task paralysis bc I'm too busy flicking the bean 😭😭
Same!! I spent three hours on this two days ago. I thought I was the only one.
I spent literally 22 of the past 48 hours watching porn. Not sure though if that’s my obsessive tendencies or ADHD or the mania sometimes brought on by my meds or a bit of everything?!
Bro only stopped cause he ran out of videos 💀
Pornhub forced him to take an intermission.
Thanks for reminding me to masturbate!
Lol
I'm like this but on a different scale. I say shit without thinking, do shit without thinking and then I'm like if only I had stopped for a second and thought about it.
I used to do this ALL THE TIME lol. My meds help me be less impulsive but I still struggle sometimes
I can't even pick the thing I struggle with the most because of decision paralysis. But probably decision paralysis.
Even the probably 😭. Decision paralysis and I also add word of uncertainty in my every sentence
You did make the decision to submit this reply though.
"More is lost to indecision than wrong decision"
My partner hates when I have this. Even trying to pick between two things turns into the biggest problem. He cannot understand this.
My partner and I flip coins to make decisions now! It helps SO much
Oh my... I didn't even know this had a name/was an ADHD thing untill now but jup, that's probably pretty high up there for me too
Definitely getting a sleep schedule down, or any other schedule or routine I want to do to better my mental and physical health. In the morning I’m dead to the world, even with adderall (5mg), but at night, I’m ready to work on every project, design idea, workouts, and anything else my brain decides is more important to focus on than actually going to sleep. It honestly feels like I’m pumped and ready to handle it all for a few days to maybe a week, but then I get bored of and wonder off and think about it one day and feel disappointed, because that was so long ago, and look how much progress on that stuff I’ve just missed out on.
I’m the opposite of you. I get up EARLY, at like, 3 in the morning. My day goes downhill during the middle of the day lol
Same! I struggle so hard to wake up in the mornings, I am in my second year of university and last semester skipped nearly every morning class. When I have a break from school I sleep in past 2pm then don’t take my meds because I wouldn’t sleep. But some nights even if I don’t take my meds I don’t sleep like at all I end up staying up well over 24 hours. When I wake up late all my motivation leaves my body
I’m in the 24+ hour awake streak right now. Going on almost 36 hours in 3 hours 15 minutes. lol, the struggle is real
Man that blows. I hope you can sleep soon.
I have at least one of these every two weeks on average. I don’t think my support worker believes me when I told her that when I’m in that mode, even the strongest sleeping tablets wouldn’t knock me out, there’s just nothing I can do about it. I’m working on getting a night time routine/schedule but so far it’s not happening. I’ve just heard about grounding bed sheets though so I’m going to order one of them being already know how good grounding is for me, so it’s worth a try.
I was lucky enough to have hacked my sleep via shift work at an early age. 5 years at a factory where every month we went back a shift (from 1st to 3rd, then to 2nd, then back to 1st) at the start of each month. I was determined to move out of a bad situation so I didn't have much choice, and the work was physical, so I soon got very used to sleeping whenever I was "supposed" to. Instead of adapting to the rotating schedule, I adapted to having ZERO schedule, just whatever my job at the time demanded. I have heard talks about ADHD being a continued trait from hunters or village defenders, being most active at night, easy to startle, and extremely observant, as well as adapting various skills to be able to handle situations when the rest of the skilled clan was asleep. I don't know how much of that is true but I like the idea.
This gets me. I love making plans and doing research and I can easily spend more time researching how to keep doing something routinely than actually doing it. Even if a routine is majorly helping me, I can usually keep it up for 3-6 months tops before I get bored and just stop doing it and stop benefitting from it. Recently got a dental hygiene habit going and I am really going to be scrambling to make this one stick if I don't want to go for even more fillings on top of the many I just had to get.
Either irritability related to overstimulation, or finding energy/motivation to do hobby related or self care things. I’ve always been able to muster the energy to do what’s absolutely necessary (like go to work, pay bills, most hygiene stuff) but the consequence being I couldn’t do ANYTHING after work. No talking to friends or doing anything fun :’)
Are you me? This 100% things I LOVE doing ... I have such a hard time motivating myself to do. I do the basics of life and then have zero motivation to do anything else even if I know I'll enjoy it. And I'm always exhausted.
Taking care of myself and my body. I struggle with eating and drinking water, keeping up with laundry to have enough clean clothes, showering, changing bedsheets…basically anything that requires extra work on my part. Even on meds, I’m so busy being productive in every other way that everything else goes to the wayside. Then suddenly, it’s 6pm and I realize I haven’t eaten or drank. It’s been 3 weeks since I’ve washed my hair and I’m not wearing underwear because I don’t have any clean ones.
I wish more people talked about the difficulty of keeping up with life things…. Like sometimes before my medicine wears off, after a full day at work the last thing you want to do is cook or clean… it’s so hard to do all that, and be expected to keep up with work as well. I genuinely don’t know how people do it all.
I can't stand having to drink water and use the bathroom. I would gladly just skip those things if I could.
Lmfao this. Also food is great, there's a lot of good things to eat, but sometimes having to eat is annoying. Like I won't be hungry but I know if I don't eat I'll feel like shit later lol
you're not alone in this. i'm terrible at making myself shower. especially everything showers. it feels like a chore. once i'm in, i'm fine. but getting in and getting out is nearly impossible. i have so many clothes to put away that i put some in bags and put them out in my storage shed so i can bring them in one at a time and wash them and put them away so i'm not overwhelmed, but i did that 2 months ago and all the bags are still out there 
I can't form habits. Ever. Unless its stimulating. I can repeat a boring habit for a year and just burn out eventually. But stimulating stuff like video games are an instant addiction. I almost get fired every time I burn out at work
The inability to form habits sucks major ass. Most everyday tasks would be a breeze if I could just make a habit of them. But I can't. Feels debilitating.
I’ve been trying to work with my therapist about this. I want to very badly develop some good habits but I can NEVER be consistent smh.
Chronic exhaustion lol
Same, same.
self-care routines such as brushing teeth everyday or taking showers regularly, feeling almost dead most of the mornings and opposite at night time, unscheduled meetings or calls at work, small tasks that literally take 5 min but can not be done until someone pushes me to get it done after a month, such fun things..
ADHD paralysis. Once I get going I'm fine, but overcoming that inertia is still a struggle. Vyvanse has made it easier but I still have to bribe myself to get the day started.
Doing things 😂 being a responsible adult. I’ve needed to renew my passport for like six years. Paying bills. Being financially responsible in terms of idk investing and shit. Cleaning. Staying organized. All of it.
Going to bed at a half decent hour. Night time is when I feel like I am free to dedicate time to my hyper fixations. Prior to finding out I have ADHD I would justify staying up till stupid o’clock to draw/sew/crotchet etc as everyone is asleep and this is my only time I can do these things uninterrupted. Also task paralysis. I spent the first half of the day just sort of moving around several spots in my home watching videos on my phone. I’d lean on my table and watch them, then oh no spent a long time there doom scrolling so I’d make myself a coffee and find myself leaning on the kitchen bench watching videos then I’d somehow end up sitting in my outdoor area doing the same
Are you me? Medication solved most of my problems, except regular and good sleep. Sometimes I don't want to go to sleep because finally there's free time to follow and hyperfocus on my hobby projects. Just a little bit, half an hour... and then it's suddenly 3am. Sometimes I don't even want to do anything, even feel kind of tired and go to bed, but my brain simply refuses to shut off. Melatonin helps sometimes. Or I just take a low dosage pill of my meds, if it feels like understimulation, then it works like a sleep aid. So annoying. Why does my brain have to be like this? :/
you both sound like me. i relate to this HEAVILY. nighttime gives me the amount of quiet i can't get during the day. even if i can't decide on something to watch and finish my doom scroll lazy susan i have in my brain, i still can't make myself go to sleep even though it'd be the smart and responsible thing to do because i don't want to miss out on "me" time. i live alone. it's always "me" time.
Executive Dysfunction, and memory issues. 100%. My marriage is about to end because of it. Fuck ADHD and fuck my life.
In a similar boat – my relationship is crumbling around me and I don't see much hope. Sending you positivity and solidarity so we can hopefully make it through.
honestly just forgetting. i forget to eat. i forget to text my mom back. i forgot i had to pee for the last 2 hours. i forgot i was upset about that very valid thing happening. i forgot what i had to buy at the store after leaving my house 3 minutes ago. i forgot if the light was actually green or if i just ran it. i forget about people when they are gone too long. i forget about feelings, thoughts, things, places. it’s debilitating and makes me feel like a bad person sometimes when i forget about good friends or important things. Also i’m not sure if it’s an ADHD thing but i am one of if not the most indecisive person i know. i won’t eat if idk what to pick. idk anything. i have no wants it’s weird. OH AND IM ALWAYS LATE. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. i struggle very hard with time blindness
Always late! Yes! I was late to my high school graduation. And I was the head speaker. Ugh.
Perfectionism helps kill task initiation Overwhelm often causes me to shutdown and struggle with prioritization Prioritization boring stuff gets put off until near crises level Building routines is insanely difficult, but once done they’ve been one of the biggest lifesavers
Not talking to myself like shit. I struggle badly with perfectionism to the point that if something isn’t to my unrealistically high standard then it ruins my entire day and i end up in the worst mood.
Yo okay this is exactly how I feel. I'm a graphic designer and I can't even start a project because I am in a rut of feeling like it's not going to be perfect, so why even start anything? It's so annoying. I have a strong will to prove to myself I can do things though, so I have been trying to convince myself it's ok if it's not perfect. Some days are better than others.
I’m an ex dancer/ choreographer and now I’m a barber. Both are creative jobs. Perfectionism is a good thing but it’s definitely a curse at the same time. I’ll be mid haircut sometimes and just think ‘ I should give up now’ because on tiny part of the hair cut isn’t how I imagined it in my head. Same goes for choreographing a dance, I would spend 5 hours going over the same count of 8 because anything I created afterwards wasn’t the standard I wanted it. A mouthful I know… but it’s actually exhausting!
Totally relatable! And then it's frustrating seeing someone else make a design that obviously isn't perfect, but they completed a project and it looks pretty good. Which is like someone else choreographs a dance that may have an awkward step or two in it, but they spend half the time and have a completed dance that is pretty good. It's like discouraging when people make it look easy
Yes!!!! It’s such a nice feeling knowing I’m not alone with this experience! In those instances I try to tell myself that every day is another opportunity to learn and growth isn’t linear! We’ll get there eventually we just need to be kinder and patient with ourselves x
My working memory is non existent and I struggle following along with any verbal instructions because my inner monologue never stops rambling. And generally everything else as well. But I’ve really been able to stop giving a fuck about most things that are not important. For the important things, I have air tags, alarms, and sticky notes.
i depend on airtags and alarms like they're oxygen
It's the hardest to start my personal projects probably because of rejection sensitivity, imposter syndrome and random hyper focused mixed in with time blindness. For example, I've been mentally trying to get into the headspace to do deep work regarding a work course that'd open up a lot more opportunities but... I notice when I'm halfway or almost done with something it seems like I stay on the tip of the mountain looking at all of the possible downsides instead of continuing forward. But ask me to do someone else's work OR make processes? I'm there ☠️
Is that a hallmark of ADHD?? I'm in such a frustrating time of my life because of some of what you're talking about.. I've been struggling with it for most of my life. And I'm on medication.
Eating - impulsive and emotional driven eating on autopilot. Plus I am never full
Putting my phone down. My work requires me to keep it on my desk for endless 2 factor authentications, so I can't just hide it.
I have word salad issues when talking to people. What I’m thinking for a conversation makes sense in my head, but I can’t speak without saying something people don’t understand sometimes. Like always jumbling up my words. It’s rough and I always sound dumb.
Omg me too 😞i notice that it gets worse when im anxious, which is like most of the time at work. Sometimes the thoughts go poof right before I speak. There’s no knowing what’s gonna come out of my mouth, my real thoughts or my work appropriate responses, and if it will make sense. So I end up managing to say half of the work appropriate thought, aka the masking thought. I think my background thoughts take away too much of my attention to be able to formulate responses in a timely manner 😭 I speak in such a fragmented way, eventually getting my whole thought out after a couple of tries, but only if someone doesn’t interrupt! I noticed that some people speak in paragraphs at a time, and when i hear that, I KNOW my brain is different. When I’m comfortable at home I can put sentences together, most of the time.
Executive function, any task is a marathon, no matter how small
I'm on sick leave due to exhaustion, so it feels like I have all the time in the world to catch up on things I can't manage after work because I'm too tired, but I just can't get around to doing them. Like, we have curtains that need shortening, a completely abandoned, overgrown garden I really want to work on, because I love it, the house has not been cleaned properly in months, and I've been trying to do at least something for 2 weeks already, but the only things I have at least partially managed are the dishes and the laundry. And to keep the cat fed, he's an absolute priority. I finally sat down and did 2 curtains out of 5 today, took me 3 hours. 2 tiny curtains! Yes, I'm not an experienced seamstress, and the fabric and the measurements were a true hassle, as well as finding the least horrible stitch, adjusting thread tension, picking the right needle, but 2 tiny, measly curtains! And I physically could not move afterwards, I was completely done in.
Forcing myself to do the things that I need to do 😭
i struggle being me. i know thats kinda dumb, i feel defectuous, totally mentally unbalanced. and when things are going good, and i notice things are going good, i start wondering when the shitstorm will start again.
I'm in this boat. I get this 100%.
Sticking to the main task and not going off tangent. Whenever I want to do something, a thousand thoughts and questions arise related to what I am doing but not important and I would just spend hours exploring those non essential things instead of what is more urgent. While it obviously most harmful in my career, it impacts all other things. I want to watch a movie, then I am like who is the actor playing in, then 5 hours later I am still on the web, looking at some news story that originated from the Wikipedia page of the actor after like 20 degrees of separation and I forgot what movie I originally was planning to watch in the first place.
Emotional reactions that are strong and fast.
I struggle with time blindness/time management. I can visualize an end result and work a problem or a predictable process through, but mentally mapping that out and what time each element will realistically take is tough for me to do. Also, if I have a list of to-dos and one task requires a little basic research to finish, it's *easy* for me to get distracted.
Sleep for sure, try to tire myself in order to get to bed for midnight, trying to get to bed earlier than that is so hard
Hyper fixating on negative thoughts. Something bad happens but not horrible I then think about so many what if ands maybes that I’m feeling devastated because I had so many negative thoughts when it reality it wasn’t even that bad. No one really seems to understand it either. I can normally separate the real from the dreamed up . But dreams still leave real emotions. It’s tough
I struggled with this too. It’s way better now that I’m in anti depressants and don’t drink or smoke anymore though
Emotional dysregulation, rumination, and negative self talk. Adderall has helped immensely with ADHD paralysis and motivation and focus but I still struggle a lot with the emotional aspects of ADHD. I have my first therapy appointment since being diagnosed and put on stimulants with a psychologist tomorrow 🤞!!
Rumination and negative self-talk got so much better for me (aka they are GONE) since Strattera.
Managing my future as a parent to a special needs child
Attention. I struggle so much to keep my mind busy with things from work and I start to look for interesting things or chores I need to do from my house. I tend to look for things that keeps my interest, it can be products I want to buy or even investigate certain topics that come to my mind like how electric cars work, facts about basketball and football, or videogames. And Motivation. I'm at the point that everytime I start cleaning my house I don't stop until my motivation goes off so I can get that "boost" even when I have other things to do. With the work it's the same thing.
Task paralysis, especially with writing for school/university. Which sucks, especially when I'd like to be a writer
Constantly racing thoughts and quickly changing, excruciating emotions. They are sometimes incredibly hard to withstand and can feel almost like physical pain.
Getting up and doing shit. Even doing thins that im interested in. Things that would be incredibly easy to simply do. I think today ill clsan my room though.
I don't think I've had a good night of sleep in the last 20 years. I sleep on average 4-5 hours a night(mostly on the 4 hour side of the average) and I struggle with daytime sleepiness as well as brain fog. On top of it all, I also have sleep apnea, so the 4-5 hours I get isn't quality sleep at all - it's just my body struggling to breathe the whole time. I don't dream, I sleep the sleep of the dead, floating in pure darkness. Meanwhile, I'm told to push through, to just "get more sleep"... by people that can sleep anytime they want, for as long as they want... They couldn't survive a single day living the way I have to, day in, day out.
Speed. Please tell me someone can relate or offer advice. I cannot seem to get through tasks fast enough, and it has caused massive issues with part time jobs and now full time jobs as I’ve started my career in healthcare. Everything just seems to take twice as long with double the effort, while everyone else effortlessly completes tasks in half the time without breaking a sweat
You must have a slow processing speed like I do. Remember it’s nothing to do with what you’re doing - it just takes your brain longer to process things.
Right now it’s sensory overwhelm, overstimulation triggering anxiety/stress and draining my energy. Work drains me so I spend my evenings and weekends out of sorts trying to recover. I lost interest doing things I used to love like reading and art because I struggle to engage my brain in doing the thing so I just exist. But I want to do the things!! It’s not great lol
This! I have to “people” so much at work I’m so spent that I can’t even people with my family. Then it’s a guilt spiral. 🌀
Impulsivity especially with buying things. Very little if anything helps other than me constantly telling myself to stop
Sometimes it’s nice to come on here & see you’re not alone in all these struggles 😭 All of these comments make me feel, ironically, a bit more sane LOL Love this community ❤️
Other people.
Organization of space..desk is always a mess...I hate hanging clothes so they linger on my bed. Just my personally spaces always look messy
Working from home is wrecking me
Task paralysis… my house is so disorganised yet I just sit in it and scroll my phone or watch something on my MacBook. Music helps me, I bought myself some of the new Apple headphones as a super treat and they are amazing. I put on a playlist and just get to it. I also just bought a new portable speaker that I’m yet to use.
Rumination and just generally not being interested in things. Recently diagnosed at 35. The amount of habits I’ve formed over the years are a pain to break. I no longer have confidence to start anything due to quitting so much. It is amazing that somehow I have a wife, 2 kids, and a home. At this point I feel like a hollow shell of what i once was. Quit drinking, got help, vyvanse prescription. Now Im at a fork in the road
Impulse and self starting, still working on these
Deciding if I want to take my medication or not each day. It helps me but I also don't like feeling medicated... It's a forever struggle which ends up making me take maybe half my meds a month Edit: oh and eating while on my meds. I struggle with appetite enough, chuck a vyanse in and it might as well only be breakfast and dinner.
Prioritization
Time blindness. It often leads to me disappointing people which is my worst fear
ADHD induced anxiety and depression. Not being able to start. Time management. Planning things. Rejections. Regulating my emotions so as to not be overwhelmed and frustrated for no reason especially when someone tells me to do something I'm not interested in doing.
I think I struggle most with internal motivation - it just doesn’t exist for me. If there is something I don’t want to do, then I won’t do it. I have found the solution to this internal motivation is to create an external scaffolding of responsibility to get me motivated. If I have a person that needs me to do the thing, and they give me a clear deadline, then I will get it done. An example? Taxes - I fucking hate taxes, but my husband requires that I get my tax papers gathered, organized and signed so that he can actually file our taxes. He needs me to have all of this done one month before our taxes are due. It’s a clear deadline and task, and I always get it done - not for myself, but I do it for him. I do this for all sorts of things - even if it’s something trivial I usually have a friend, family member etc that is affected by the thing. and ask them to hold me to a deadline. This way I HAVE to get it done.
Feeling awake and alert in the morning. Even with 15mg of Adderall IR I still feel sluggish. I really start going around noon but I have work at 2 until 11pm 😞. Oh! Actually feeling motivated in the mornings is a HUGE struggle too
Budgeting ... I just can't do it. No amount of apps, planning or will power is enough to make me manage money responsibly
Job hopping. In the last 15 years I'm at nearly 15 different job titles. People in this sub talk about some job fields where they "have something different every day," and I just laugh...because no single field really has the kind of different every day that I crave: I want to do cybersecurity on Monday, give a keynote speech at a large conference on Tuesday, fly a plane on Wednesday, fix plumbing and/or HVAC on Thursday, and then have Friday, Saturday, and Sunday off. I've been in my current job barely 6 months and I like it...but I also know it's not going to last. Someday I'll figure out how I can get all that variety...probably by starting a handful of businesses and running them all at the same time.
I can relate! I get so bored of I can’t keep up since I hyper fixate on a certain project. I’ve been fired from all my jobs. I’ve worked with at least 20-30 different companies since 18 😭 maybe the meds will help? Idk 😔
I can’t feed myself bro, I never feel my hunger cues until I’m about to pass out.
The most engrained and difficult to change are: Decision paralysis - I can’t make a decision to save my life.. I’ll often be in the supermarket for far too long trying to pick between items or forcing someone else to make a decision for me. Bedtime - I can’t stick to a normal bed time or routine, I’ve tried for years to get myself to sleep for like 11pm.. but it’s always 1/2am! Interrupting people - I really struggle in conversations as I am so over stimulated that I just want to get what I have to say out my head straight away and end up talking over people, finishing their sentences and jumping in. I always worry people think I’m just rude! Flitting attention - I can’t really focus on one thing at at a time. My audible is just full of like 30 half listened to books, I can’t finish things, I get too excited to do something else, I rarely finish projects or tasks and end up feeling like ‘a Jack of all trades, master of none’
My biggest issue is emotional deregulation, especially when I PMS. I can go from 0 to 100 in nano seconds. I'm currently looking for a therapist to work through this. It also doesn't help that I'm 39, and I was diagnosed last year 😬
Doing “the stuff” ie task paralysis nightmare.
I forget about stuff I want/need to do. If you ask me to do something while I'm doing something else, there is probably a near 100% chance that by the time I'm done with whatever I was doing, even a couple minutes later, I'll forget what you said until a long time later. My routines seem to rule me and are hard to break or add to. I work between two classrooms. If I go into one room and the teacher hands me stuff but then we start talking, there is a good chance I'll forget what was handed to me in the classroom and remember hours later. I can't even remember to make my daughter take her OTC meds at night. I can't always remember to bring her antibiotics to school each day if she's on them. My husband also has ADHD and doesn't understand why I have a pre-made packing document on my laptop that I just edit for my specific needs for that trip that I print off each time we go so I don't forget anything major. I've taken to asking my husband or my mom or whoever to remind me in a couple minutes for when I'm done with something because I won't remember. My husband doesn't understand why. I also have Microsoft To Do on my laptop and phone. It has a list of stuff I want to do, no matter how small. I also have a list of meals I bought stuff for (or otherwise I forget, and I'm not good at throwing stuff together).
Negative self speak when things don't go as I expected (especially in the work environment). When that happens, I tend to lock up and my brain stops processing information, which in my job, I can't afford to do that. In general I have to constantly remind myself that it's impossible to anticipate everything and that staying positive is the best thing I can do to move forward, and that if I put myself in a shell, nothing will improve.
Binge eating Stubbornness Emotinal Dysregulation
Getting to bed. Not going to sleep, just physically getting upstairs and into bed. Definitely task paralysis. There are some I've been sitting on for 2 years and still get overwhelmed by starting them. Speaking up for myself is another big one. If its for someone wise, no problem, but just feel like I'm annoying if I do it for myself
The emotional dysregulation and irritability make me horrible to be around after the adderall wears off.
Emotional regulation coupled with parenting. Every little thing bothers me and pisses me off and then I end up yelling. Partly because I struggle to complete all the things I need to each day to begin with but am forced to anyhow because parenting doesn’t stop. I chose this, but it’s hard as fuck and I feel like I’m drowning.
I feel like I have a complete inability to form habits. Even somethings so basic as “remembering” to go to the bathroom, eat, drink water, any household task - I get them done, but it feels like it saps all of my mental energy and desire. I download and pay for apps to stop me from being distracted and help me get organized but they fail after a few weeks. I also get very irritated by mess and clutter and disorganization but cannot seem to keep things mess free. Just being a human feels patently exhausting, and when I can be successful in one thing, I’m always paying the price somewhere else (usually my career or my bank account).
Two things I’ve consistently struggled with and can’t seem to figure out are: 1) doctors appointments/appointments in general: scheduling them, going to them at all, talking on the phone, doing other things on a day I have an appointment 2) the fact that I’m supposed to eat 3 meals a day: 3 different things? And I have to make them? And also do everything else I’m supposed to do? Too many variables here and I truly can’t compute.
The only thing I *don't* struggle with is emotional regulation. Everything else, yes, paying bills, impulse control, impulsive decisions, losing things, forgetting things, not being able to hold down a job, not responding to messages, not able to look after my health, my teeth, not making appointments, bad memory, substance abuse, abusive relationships, attaching to people that are terrible for me, attaching to people that are *exciting* (terrible for me) forgetting names, forgetting faces, enjoying fire a *little too much*, bad memory, losing things, being late, feeling lost, disassociation, lack of focus, no real sense of consequences, time blindness, hypersexuality, hyperfixations on *stupid stuff that I actually genuinely don't care about*, being late, spending the whole day waiting cos I've got one task that takes like two hours, losing friends, losing family, *losing sleep*, insomnia, premature waking, all the time, endless screaming stupid songs going round and I can't sleep, and there's this stupid song and I can't sleep, and I need to be up in four hours and I *can't sleep* until I pass out and I wake up early and the fucking carnival music clicks on again at full volume and I still *can't sleep*. But I don't really struggle with emotional disregulation, so I generally feel like a bit of an imposter. Oh and bad memory- and I know i said already, but bad decisions. God, why are bad decisions always the most appealing? I guess when you aren't good at thinking about the future bad decisions seem like much better decisions. I don't get the angery side of adhd. I just feel largely kind of dead inside and unimpressed by most stuff. I also have that thing where, if something really awful or traumatic is happening, I actually feel capable and cogent for a change. I don't feel good, I just feel like I can finally operate properly whilst everyone else is trying to process. I'm great in a crisis, fucking awful in day to day life.
Task initiation. ugh, so hard.
Recalling someone's name after they just told me it. The biggest coping mechanism that has helped me with my ADHD is making lists. Lists of lists of lists.
What’s the schedule in your job? I have the exact same issue, i can’t wake up at a set time everyday, and even worse have a daily meeting at that time, i don’t know how others can do it!
Procrastination, prioritization
Getting up in the morning. I have heard others putting their adhd meds in their bedside table. Then putting an alarm 15 min prior to take them while still in bed. Then a second alarm to get up 15 min later and its easier to get up once they are in your system.
doing boring things like my taxes the one that hurts the most is not being able to be creative when i want to be, instead being at the whim of my phases (what i call them). I bought a ton of colouring supplies to do artwork with and I only worked on it for like a week. Now it just sits there and waits for my motivation to come back around
Not cheap, but my Oura ring is great at helping me get a good sleep pattern, as well as exercise.
Relationships. "Am I being attentive? Am I not being attentive enough? What do other people think? Will everyone hate me for breaking up with her? Does she even like me?" I've figured out MOST of my regular life and how to navigate around my brain. Except for this part. Relationships are incredibly challenging to me unless the girl makes it obvious/easy for me with green lights as far as the eye can see.
Reading
Definitely Criticism. I've worked on this for years and I'm still not there yet.
anxiety, mostly related to always feeling that there's somewhere else i need to be or something else i need to be doing. *fwiw, i'm not medicated bc I prefer to spend money on non-medical interventions instead of quacks, petty tyrants and the chaotic pharmaceutical supply chain.* i battle this by planning my day every morning over coffee. i copy/paste todo's for today from gmail into calendar. i have a 7 day routine, with the only difference between weekdays and weekends being that i work for myself on the weekends. this routine is in my calendar. events from my calendar show on my phone's lock screen and function as an 'hourly todo list'. bc time blindness, i set a 'top of the hour' alarm for each hour to remind me that a new hour has arrived and that there may be more todo's on my phones lock screen. this reduces anxiety by allowing me to JUST do whatever I'm doing and not worry that there's somewhere else i need to be or something else i need to be doing and also has my back regarding time blindness.
Executive function - especially when it comes to multi-stepped tasks that involve bringing more than two sets of information (think: navigating back and forth between multiple browser tabs to fill out a form). My working memory gets used up really quick with this kind of a task.
Finishing tasks And if I do finish, finishing strong. There was a meme/twitter post from a few years ago that just hit waaaaaaaaaay too hard: "babe is everything okay? you've barely touched your pile of hundreds of elaborate projects you start but never finish"
Procrastination. I literally wait until the last second with everything because it’s like I can’t do anything until I feel that rush and urgency. Basically I love to stress myself out.
Procrastination and being exhausted by my brain always running a thousand miles
I struggle with just being an adult. I'm 38 and I have never once felt like the adult in a room, even with people younger than me. It's probably all internal, but I am aware of it basically all the time. My house is always messy, I never fix anything on time. Being the way I'm "supposed to be" takes a huge amount of effort and just hurts my soul. I hate working, it's a huge constant battle for me, and I don't like bars or sports or anything most of my colleagues like. Basically any conversation at work is instantly boring for me and it's hard to pretend interest as I get older lol. I just don't care. Talk to me about writing fiction, or dinosaurs, or earth science. Anything interesting, but small talk is the worst. So, yeah. No idea what to do about any of it, but I'd like to not hate working so much... Lol. I just started talking to a therapist two weeks ago so I'm hoping that helps.
Paperwork. Filling out forms is my kryptonite.
Consistency. It feels like the secret sauce to literally everything is actually consistency. Want a raise at work? They gotta see consistent performance. Want to get into shape? Need to be working out consistently. Healthy relationship? Need to be consistent and reliable. Want to achieve literally anything? Be consistent about it. So my inability to be consistent is like a guaranteed failure at most things. If I'm lucky and apply myself I can maybe be mostly consistent at a single thing, to the detriment of literally everything else. This appears to be non-neogotiable.
IMPULSE CONTROL
1. Responding to emails 2. Time blindness 3. Task paralysis
Existing