*In case this story gets deleted/removed:*
**How do I (31F) ask my overweight sister (30F)to not sit in my chair?**
Throw away account
I (31F) am moving all of my plants into a spare room of my house and turning it into my plant room. I've always wanted an egg chair so I bought one for the room. I wanted to make sure both me and my son could sit together comfortably without getting too big of a chair that will take up too much space. This one has a 200-250 lbs weight limit and the size fits the room well. My sister (30F) is living with me and my family currently. She's 5'2 and about 300-320 lbs. The only complaints and bad reviews about the chair were from people saying it wasn't sturdy enough for their large husband or for both of them to sit in. When my sister sits she sort of plops down and when she gets up she has to rock back and forth to get up. My reclining love seat is loose in the spot where she always sits. I'm nervous that she will break my chair. It may sound materialistic to some, but it wasn't cheap and I saved to purchase it. I've dreamed about creating my perfect peaceful plant room with an egg chair since I started collecting plants. Plants brought me peace after my mother died and I had a stillborn within the same year. I'd rather her not come into the room at all, but I've found her in there, sitting in my chair a few times now. How do I ask her to not sit in my chair? Do I bring up the weight limit? Do I lie and ask her to not sit in it for a different reason? Should I ask her to pay for a new one if she does end up damaging this one? Advice please.
TL;DR how to ask overweight sister to not sit in a chair as I fear her weight may break/damage it?
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Sort of reminds me of how everyone will see a fat woman and be like, “she’s gotta be 200lbs!” Thanks for the compliment there! Surely, you cannot think I weigh that little!
Reddit is so bad with weights. I'm close to 170 and thin (5'9") and every time I see a post or comment calling the 150-180 range fat I'm just like Huh? It's gotta be so much worse to experience for fat people to see this stuff
I weigh close to 200 pounds, and people frequently tell me I need to eat more. A homeless guy once offered me a Pop-Tart because he thought I needed it more than he did. Like, bones are a thing.
People always insist that I must weigh less than I actually do. Clearly, humans suck as estimating weight.
Except my doctors, because they just put me on a set of scales instead of guessing.
My mother "guessed" my weight the other day because I was talking to my kids about being proud of my 70lb weight loss.
I don't know if she intentionally or unintentionally guessed 30lbs over.
I really think it was intentional.
She is not very nice to me.
Hey, congrats on the weight loss! That's a huge accomplishment and this Internet stranger is proud of you. That was a shitty thing your mom said, and try not to take it to heart
Thank you! I really appreciate it!!
I try to ignore a lot of stuff she says. She's always been a bit cold and standoffish, just as a person, but not bad. We were very close. She had a stroke a few years back and she's become pretty cruel. Sucks because I miss who she used to be and it hurts even if I try not to let it.
So someone asked OOP about it in the comments. She said that she saw it on some doctor's paperwork. When someone questioned her about why she looked through her sister's doctor's paperwork, she said it was "left out" and "we have the same last name" so she picked it up by mistake and saw it. Somehow her sister is also in complete denial about her weight and thinks she's 200 lbs but has 308 listed on her doctor's paperwork in bold letters at the top
Do people even have paperwork like that to take home from the doctor? I don't think I've ever received anything other than prescriptions, or pamphlets, never something with my metrics on it.
But then of course, people on AITA have to have an answer for everything, don't they?
I'll a lot of the time get a discharge summary from my primary care, with a list of everything going on, recommendations and referrals. So it's not out of the question to get that type of paperwork. But no one (especially someone whose insecure about their weight) is going to leave that lying around where their family can see it
Also a tall person could easily be over 200 lbs and not look fat. Not the situation in the OP but it is a lot harder to guess than it seems. I have a friend who is the same height and weight as me. We don’t look the same size. She’s two dress sizes smaller because her weight is distributed so differently.
you don't even have to be tall - people are incredibly bad at guessing weight. two people of the same height can easily be 50 lbs apart and you'd guess the wrong way. it really depends on how much muscle you have and how you carry the weight that you do
doctors always assume I weigh *significantly* less than i do and I only give them weight for relevant stuff like anesthetics and whatnot. and they're always Pikachu face and ask if I'm absolutely sure. I've even had to prove it to a doctor who thought I was faking?
there's a website with a project that shows one or more photos of someone at each height (every inch) and weight (10 pounds) and it's a really interesting demonstration of just how impossible it is to guess weight from looks
you know someone's weight when they tell you it or when you weigh them and that's about it
At my heaviest I was 125kg and no-one believed that I was. I'm not overly tall (174cm), but I guess I carried it well enough that I only looked chubby?
Last year I weighed almost 230 lbs. I now fluctuate between 150-170 lbs. Only a few people who don't see me every day even noticed lol which is fine, I've never cared about my weight, I just need to make sure my asthma is ok lol.
No one can ever guess my weight. I went to a carnival 'guess your weight' thing where if they guessed your weight within 15 lbs, they won, 16 lbs, they lost.
They said 92 lbs. I weighed in at 147 lbs. Funniest moment of my life.
I couldn't tell you my husband's or any of our kid's weights right now if you had a gun to my head.
Sorry but I laughed when I got to "this brought me peace when my mother died". Of course there has to be an elaborate emotional attachment that no one could possibly question, otherwise you might have one or two people saying the chair isn't worth hurting your sisters feelings. Gotta make sure your main character has emotional tragedy connected to them.
That's what got me, too. It read to me like, *I wanna tell my fat sister not to sit in my egg chair because I had a stillborn and lost my mother, which is why I like plants.*
*Huh*
Did I also mention my fat sister is so poor she has to live with us while my family has 2+ spare rooms in our mansion? Because that’s very important too.
I can sort of see plants representing life, growth, and renewal. But as a plant person, the description of the room rang false as hell and I picture a sterile bedroom with one window, emptied out of all the mother’s belongings, for aesthetic arrangements of plastic succulents and a weird egg chair. Her kid probably hates the room.
I don't see why OOP couldn't frame it as a matter of safety. "Hey, sis. That chair only has about a 200-lb weight limit, and I'm worried it's going to break under you and you're going to get hurt."
I'm what Reddit might call a Fat Fatty-Fat Fattycakes McFatty, and being informed that I weigh more than a chair is meant to hold would not only not offend me, but I'd be mad if I wasn't told because that's a safety issue.
Yeah. Someone just wanted to dunk on fat people for being fat by making up a story because - surprise, surprise - most fat people don't actually make life worse for other folks and are just minding their own business.
I guarantee that no fat person wants to be "the fat person that broke the chair". I say this as a mildly fat person who would be mortified if I broke a chair by sitting in it.
What sort of chair has a 200lb limit specifically when it was expensive enough you have to save for it? Like I get some $200 chair from WalMart might, but anything from a real furniture store with real furniture prices has higher weight limits. Especially if it's a chair that's apparently big enough for this person to sit there with a child comfortably.
yeah, at 31 the kind of chair that you have to save up for should be like $1000+. if a chair at that price point broke at 250 lbs, a weight that is not uncommon, i would be questioning what exactly in that chair is worth that much and why you can’t just get a cheap egg chair from target with the same weight limit. and if an expensive chair can’t hold a heavy person, how much money are fat people supposed to shell out just for a seat?
That made me wonder and I just went to the target site. There are wicker egg chair for $400-$900, look almost identical, and some say up to 250 lbs and some say 450 lbs. She even mentions the chairs reviews about weight & sturdiness. Still chose that chair.
OOP seems like she doesn’t want anyone but herself in the plant room. OOP says she’s angry when she’s found her sister in the room. That she doesn’t want her in there. Why can’t sister enjoy the plant room? She doesn’t mention adding another chair or other seating. Wasn’t it also her mother who died or are they half siblings?
Plus like... she intends her and her child to both sit in it together. One adult plus a child is already easily 200lbs? Unless you're talking about a baby.
I just looked up these chairs and the lowest weight limit I found was 280lbs and that’s the ones that hang from a hook and aren’t made with a metal frame but wicker. If this was real OOP could have easily picked a different one with a higher weight limit. Probably wouldn’t even have to spend more if they just shopped around.
Go to your local JDM parts store and buy one of those "no fat Chicks" stickers that ricers always have, should be an easy install plus your plant room will get about a .5hp boost
What kind of busted ass chair only has 250 weight limit? Also how does OP expect her and a growing child to both be under the weight limit at all time? What about the husband is he also off limits to the special plant room and chair? This is so stupid. She could have just gotten a different chair with a higher weight limit This makes no sense.
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It's legitimate though. A friend of mine bought new chairs and when our overweight friend and I visited she broke one of them.
She can't sit down slowly, her weight let's her fall down at some point. It's utterly embarrassing for everybody.
Whilst I hate fat shaming, what can you do and how do you react?
I think if it does come up, the right thing to do would be to just treat it as a neutral fact! As long as you make sure your friend knows you accept them as they are and aren't out to shame them I think you should be fine. If this is already established then I'm sure they'd appreciate not making a big deal out of it, a quick "oh that chair's a little fragile, come use this one instead" should be fine.
Ah, who pays for the broken chair?
So you need to have that extra chair sturdy enough for your visitor. I bought her one, it wasn't comfortable. It always sounds so easy.
"oh hey [friend], here's a chair that's comfier than that one"
If they break a chair discretely approach them about relaxing the chair ***after*** making sure they aren't hurt
It's not about being rude. It's about who pays for the brand new ruined chair.
Do you say "I'm so glad you didn't hurt yourself. Mind paying the chair though?"
This is very taxing on many levels. You can't really say that.
I personally got a sturdy chair, I went to buy one with her weight requirements. It wasn't cheap either. Unfortunately it's very uncomfortable.
All I want is to point out that there are more problems with the reality of obesity than at first meets the eye.
Yes. I get downvoted just for pointing out that this happened.
Nobody made a scene and it wasn't spectacular at all. The chair made some noise, we helped her get up but the wood had broken.
Imagine the situation. The chair was 2 weeks old, she had just sat down for a little while and now you don't have a chair for your guest.
Food is about to be served and you don't want to give her another one of those chairs.
She left, never paid for the chair and absolutely everybody was crushed. She's a lovely person and we just go to her place now. We talked it over later.
Al I wanted to point out that these things happen. I've experienced it.
I had some friends over once and I'll let them know that my twin bed is kind of shaky and was even just me on it and sometimes collapse (it was free I was really broke) and two of my friends friends one of them pretty big started to sit on it and I asked him if they couldn't and they started going off about how I was calling them fat and all that. And then the bed collapsed and I didn't have a bed anymore
*In case this story gets deleted/removed:* **How do I (31F) ask my overweight sister (30F)to not sit in my chair?** Throw away account I (31F) am moving all of my plants into a spare room of my house and turning it into my plant room. I've always wanted an egg chair so I bought one for the room. I wanted to make sure both me and my son could sit together comfortably without getting too big of a chair that will take up too much space. This one has a 200-250 lbs weight limit and the size fits the room well. My sister (30F) is living with me and my family currently. She's 5'2 and about 300-320 lbs. The only complaints and bad reviews about the chair were from people saying it wasn't sturdy enough for their large husband or for both of them to sit in. When my sister sits she sort of plops down and when she gets up she has to rock back and forth to get up. My reclining love seat is loose in the spot where she always sits. I'm nervous that she will break my chair. It may sound materialistic to some, but it wasn't cheap and I saved to purchase it. I've dreamed about creating my perfect peaceful plant room with an egg chair since I started collecting plants. Plants brought me peace after my mother died and I had a stillborn within the same year. I'd rather her not come into the room at all, but I've found her in there, sitting in my chair a few times now. How do I ask her to not sit in my chair? Do I bring up the weight limit? Do I lie and ask her to not sit in it for a different reason? Should I ask her to pay for a new one if she does end up damaging this one? Advice please. TL;DR how to ask overweight sister to not sit in a chair as I fear her weight may break/damage it? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmITheAngel) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’d have sympathy for her if she had stillborn twins, but if it was only one baby, I don’t see the big deal.
Nah, I'm going with triplets. That would be a trifecta..
Reddit always coming up with stories about telling fat people that they're fat.
Then the fatty bursts into tears and runs out of the room because they didn’t know they were fat.
right my brother is 320 and he's intimately aware he's over the weight limit for many normal things.
Why do redditors always know somebody's exact weight? I couldn't guess somebody's weight if you threatened me.
Sort of reminds me of how everyone will see a fat woman and be like, “she’s gotta be 200lbs!” Thanks for the compliment there! Surely, you cannot think I weigh that little!
Reddit is so bad with weights. I'm close to 170 and thin (5'9") and every time I see a post or comment calling the 150-180 range fat I'm just like Huh? It's gotta be so much worse to experience for fat people to see this stuff
I weigh close to 200 pounds, and people frequently tell me I need to eat more. A homeless guy once offered me a Pop-Tart because he thought I needed it more than he did. Like, bones are a thing.
People always insist that I must weigh less than I actually do. Clearly, humans suck as estimating weight. Except my doctors, because they just put me on a set of scales instead of guessing.
I have had men insist that my scale at home is broken because I definitely don't weigh that much. I recently went to the doctor and it was the same.
My mother "guessed" my weight the other day because I was talking to my kids about being proud of my 70lb weight loss. I don't know if she intentionally or unintentionally guessed 30lbs over. I really think it was intentional. She is not very nice to me.
Hey, congrats on the weight loss! That's a huge accomplishment and this Internet stranger is proud of you. That was a shitty thing your mom said, and try not to take it to heart
Thank you! I really appreciate it!! I try to ignore a lot of stuff she says. She's always been a bit cold and standoffish, just as a person, but not bad. We were very close. She had a stroke a few years back and she's become pretty cruel. Sucks because I miss who she used to be and it hurts even if I try not to let it.
What a mean spirited obvious attempt to bring you down. I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
So someone asked OOP about it in the comments. She said that she saw it on some doctor's paperwork. When someone questioned her about why she looked through her sister's doctor's paperwork, she said it was "left out" and "we have the same last name" so she picked it up by mistake and saw it. Somehow her sister is also in complete denial about her weight and thinks she's 200 lbs but has 308 listed on her doctor's paperwork in bold letters at the top
Do people even have paperwork like that to take home from the doctor? I don't think I've ever received anything other than prescriptions, or pamphlets, never something with my metrics on it. But then of course, people on AITA have to have an answer for everything, don't they?
I'll a lot of the time get a discharge summary from my primary care, with a list of everything going on, recommendations and referrals. So it's not out of the question to get that type of paperwork. But no one (especially someone whose insecure about their weight) is going to leave that lying around where their family can see it
Ah fair enough, I guess it just depends on what kind of care you're getting. But I agree, people aren't just leaving that kind of thing lying around.
If she saw her sister's exact weight then why did she give a range in the post??
Apparently she saw it a year ago and her sister definitely gained weight
Right? How does someone guess someone’s weight within a 20 pound range?
Also a tall person could easily be over 200 lbs and not look fat. Not the situation in the OP but it is a lot harder to guess than it seems. I have a friend who is the same height and weight as me. We don’t look the same size. She’s two dress sizes smaller because her weight is distributed so differently.
That was the point. The height was completely irrelevant. But OP needed you to know that the sister was fat so she added the height.
you don't even have to be tall - people are incredibly bad at guessing weight. two people of the same height can easily be 50 lbs apart and you'd guess the wrong way. it really depends on how much muscle you have and how you carry the weight that you do doctors always assume I weigh *significantly* less than i do and I only give them weight for relevant stuff like anesthetics and whatnot. and they're always Pikachu face and ask if I'm absolutely sure. I've even had to prove it to a doctor who thought I was faking? there's a website with a project that shows one or more photos of someone at each height (every inch) and weight (10 pounds) and it's a really interesting demonstration of just how impossible it is to guess weight from looks you know someone's weight when they tell you it or when you weigh them and that's about it
At my heaviest I was 125kg and no-one believed that I was. I'm not overly tall (174cm), but I guess I carried it well enough that I only looked chubby?
Last year I weighed almost 230 lbs. I now fluctuate between 150-170 lbs. Only a few people who don't see me every day even noticed lol which is fine, I've never cared about my weight, I just need to make sure my asthma is ok lol. No one can ever guess my weight. I went to a carnival 'guess your weight' thing where if they guessed your weight within 15 lbs, they won, 16 lbs, they lost. They said 92 lbs. I weighed in at 147 lbs. Funniest moment of my life. I couldn't tell you my husband's or any of our kid's weights right now if you had a gun to my head.
Right? No one would ever guess my weight. Of course, I can’t help it that I’m petite and curvy /s
Fatties be fat. Amirite? Upvotes to the left, please
Oh but she’s not just heavy. She’s short too so the fat is distributed in an extra round shape.
Sorry but I laughed when I got to "this brought me peace when my mother died". Of course there has to be an elaborate emotional attachment that no one could possibly question, otherwise you might have one or two people saying the chair isn't worth hurting your sisters feelings. Gotta make sure your main character has emotional tragedy connected to them.
That's what got me, too. It read to me like, *I wanna tell my fat sister not to sit in my egg chair because I had a stillborn and lost my mother, which is why I like plants.* *Huh*
It's like they're deliberately trying to write an AITA bingo.
Right! *B Fat Relative* *G Stillborn* *I Deceased Parent*
Did I also mention my fat sister is so poor she has to live with us while my family has 2+ spare rooms in our mansion? Because that’s very important too.
I can sort of see plants representing life, growth, and renewal. But as a plant person, the description of the room rang false as hell and I picture a sterile bedroom with one window, emptied out of all the mother’s belongings, for aesthetic arrangements of plastic succulents and a weird egg chair. Her kid probably hates the room.
And a stillborn in the same year! **STOP MAKING FUN OF OOP, CLEARLY THEY NEED AN EMOTIONAL SERVICE EGG CHAIR!!!**
lol Keep the fattie away from the egg chair. She might eat it.
Yep. Either that or some "trauma". "I have trauma from childhood when my toddler brother broke a doll of mine." Riiiiiight...
I don't see why OOP couldn't frame it as a matter of safety. "Hey, sis. That chair only has about a 200-lb weight limit, and I'm worried it's going to break under you and you're going to get hurt." I'm what Reddit might call a Fat Fatty-Fat Fattycakes McFatty, and being informed that I weigh more than a chair is meant to hold would not only not offend me, but I'd be mad if I wasn't told because that's a safety issue.
Because this is bullshit ragebait, and not an actual person trying to solve an actual problem.
Yeah. Someone just wanted to dunk on fat people for being fat by making up a story because - surprise, surprise - most fat people don't actually make life worse for other folks and are just minding their own business.
I guarantee that no fat person wants to be "the fat person that broke the chair". I say this as a mildly fat person who would be mortified if I broke a chair by sitting in it.
It was when she got to “I don’t want her to enter the room at all”. Is she going to make the plants fat?
What sort of chair has a 200lb limit specifically when it was expensive enough you have to save for it? Like I get some $200 chair from WalMart might, but anything from a real furniture store with real furniture prices has higher weight limits. Especially if it's a chair that's apparently big enough for this person to sit there with a child comfortably.
yeah, at 31 the kind of chair that you have to save up for should be like $1000+. if a chair at that price point broke at 250 lbs, a weight that is not uncommon, i would be questioning what exactly in that chair is worth that much and why you can’t just get a cheap egg chair from target with the same weight limit. and if an expensive chair can’t hold a heavy person, how much money are fat people supposed to shell out just for a seat?
That made me wonder and I just went to the target site. There are wicker egg chair for $400-$900, look almost identical, and some say up to 250 lbs and some say 450 lbs. She even mentions the chairs reviews about weight & sturdiness. Still chose that chair. OOP seems like she doesn’t want anyone but herself in the plant room. OOP says she’s angry when she’s found her sister in the room. That she doesn’t want her in there. Why can’t sister enjoy the plant room? She doesn’t mention adding another chair or other seating. Wasn’t it also her mother who died or are they half siblings?
Plus like... she intends her and her child to both sit in it together. One adult plus a child is already easily 200lbs? Unless you're talking about a baby.
Bad news about babies: they often get bigger over time! 😂
I just looked up these chairs and the lowest weight limit I found was 280lbs and that’s the ones that hang from a hook and aren’t made with a metal frame but wicker. If this was real OOP could have easily picked a different one with a higher weight limit. Probably wouldn’t even have to spend more if they just shopped around.
She has to mention not only the weight but the height too, so we can all mentally calculate her BMI and judge the huge fatty!
That jumped riiiiight out to me too. How would the story change if it was a lumberjack type guy over 6 feet?
The sister has a BMI that is 50% above the limit for extreme obese iii, which is the highest level of obesity.
Go to your local JDM parts store and buy one of those "no fat Chicks" stickers that ricers always have, should be an easy install plus your plant room will get about a .5hp boost
https://preview.redd.it/0n8llz1etl7d1.jpeg?width=522&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a86f6fd6aeac315b33b26a8881f9175a4600fdb5
This is the prologue to a really bad reboot of "Little Shop of Horrors".
What kind of busted ass chair only has 250 weight limit? Also how does OP expect her and a growing child to both be under the weight limit at all time? What about the husband is he also off limits to the special plant room and chair? This is so stupid. She could have just gotten a different chair with a higher weight limit This makes no sense.
Everyone is focusing on the weight thing. I'm sitting here wondering, who goes to visit someone and then sits alone in the plant room
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It's legitimate though. A friend of mine bought new chairs and when our overweight friend and I visited she broke one of them. She can't sit down slowly, her weight let's her fall down at some point. It's utterly embarrassing for everybody. Whilst I hate fat shaming, what can you do and how do you react?
I think if it does come up, the right thing to do would be to just treat it as a neutral fact! As long as you make sure your friend knows you accept them as they are and aren't out to shame them I think you should be fine. If this is already established then I'm sure they'd appreciate not making a big deal out of it, a quick "oh that chair's a little fragile, come use this one instead" should be fine.
Ah, who pays for the broken chair? So you need to have that extra chair sturdy enough for your visitor. I bought her one, it wasn't comfortable. It always sounds so easy.
Do you…not own other furniture? Like, a sofa?
Do you only own fragile but comfortable or sturdy but uncomfortable furniture?
"oh hey [friend], here's a chair that's comfier than that one" If they break a chair discretely approach them about relaxing the chair ***after*** making sure they aren't hurt
It's not about being rude. It's about who pays for the brand new ruined chair. Do you say "I'm so glad you didn't hurt yourself. Mind paying the chair though?" This is very taxing on many levels. You can't really say that. I personally got a sturdy chair, I went to buy one with her weight requirements. It wasn't cheap either. Unfortunately it's very uncomfortable. All I want is to point out that there are more problems with the reality of obesity than at first meets the eye.
Yeah, as long as you don't do it in public or while making a whole scene that's a exactly what you should say
Yes. I get downvoted just for pointing out that this happened. Nobody made a scene and it wasn't spectacular at all. The chair made some noise, we helped her get up but the wood had broken. Imagine the situation. The chair was 2 weeks old, she had just sat down for a little while and now you don't have a chair for your guest. Food is about to be served and you don't want to give her another one of those chairs. She left, never paid for the chair and absolutely everybody was crushed. She's a lovely person and we just go to her place now. We talked it over later. Al I wanted to point out that these things happen. I've experienced it.
I had some friends over once and I'll let them know that my twin bed is kind of shaky and was even just me on it and sometimes collapse (it was free I was really broke) and two of my friends friends one of them pretty big started to sit on it and I asked him if they couldn't and they started going off about how I was calling them fat and all that. And then the bed collapsed and I didn't have a bed anymore
I’ve had furniture broken as well. I stopped letting them in my home. Problem solved.