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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my parents they're not being fair to me by blaming me for not saying my baby sister's name correctly. My parents are feeling extra sensitive about it because they are aware I hate my name. I know I maybe made a big mistake in telling them this. So I kinda feel like I'm being bratty by complaining about their issues with me saying the name they chose for my sister.
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NTA and I am going to be completely honest with you - they are absolutely making it worse for you to be able to say the name correctly due to stressing you out. Stress/anxiety impacts peoples ability to speak even if they don’t have diagnosed issues when it comes to speech. There is a very famous study (completely unethical practices might I add) that proves this. Children were left with lifelong speech issues when they didn’t have any prior BECAUSE those conducting the study kept belittling those children for their speech.
I am sorry you are dealing with this.
That was always a struggle for me. I had a teacher when I was younger who was always correcting me for saying things wrong and would respond harshly when I couldn't "fix my mistake" on my next attempt. It made it worse because then my stutter kicked in and I sounded worse. It's humiliating to know you say stuff wrong.
If your parents would possibly be open to it? I would absolutely urge you to look up the “Monster Study” (this is the study I am referring to). I would take some time to read and digest it - it was unethical. It isn’t pleasant reading. I would ask them to take a look at it as well along with information about why it was unethical.
I know a lot of parents absolutely are not open to being “educated” by their children. So, it may not be safe for you to go down this route/they may not accept it. I’m leaving the ball in your court with that one.
I don't think they'll be open to it from me. But maybe I could get someone else they might listen to, to bring it up them. At this point anything to make them let up because I hate this so much and I don't want to lose them over this.
Please remember that in this specific instance? They are failing you with the way they are acting. They may not understand that they are failing you but that does not excuse the fact that they are.
I really do hope that you can get someone to help you and get them to understand that it is going to be their fault if your speech regresses further… They are absolutely putting too much pressure on you. I wish you all the best.
You wouldn't be losing them. They would be losing you over their horrible behavior. You deserve so much better. The movie the King's Speech was excellent about how toxic approaches can be to a stutterer. And how successful good treatment can be
Also, quick aside about that movie - Colin Firth's performance of that speech was SPOT. ON. There is at least one video comparing the movie speech and the actual speech side-by-side, and it is amazing.
Then reflecting on the fact that the original speech was given by someone who has a significant stutter...he just sounded so measured and regal. Absolutely incredible.
I know it’s hard to reconcile the idea of your parents being flawed people but I wouldn’t say they’re worth keeping when they’re disrespecting you and belitting your disability. They’re taking everything about it personally when it has nothing to do with them and emotionally and verbally punishing you for it. That’s ableist and wrong. They’re the adults here, they should act like it.
They are not good people and none of this is your fault. This is abuse and your parents aren't willing to listen to reason. Your parents refuse to accept you for who you are.
So, you need to take a page out of the gay teen with parents who refuse to accept that they are gay hanbook. You need to take charge of your life as much as you possibly can.
Are you in the US? Talk to your grandparent. If you feel you csn trust them, tell them everything and ask them to help you open up a bank account (you need an adult signature). Get a part-time job. Save every single penny you can. If you can get away w/ it, always ask for money for Christmas & birthdays. Say you are saving up for college or a car or whatever thing that will make your paents happy and off your back.
Stay out of your home as much as possible, work, grandparents, friends, library, after school acactivities, volunteer at church - whatever works. Look for a summer job away from home if you can. Probably too late for this summer, but start looking at ideas for next summer. Working at a camp or a realitves farm/ranch or if anyone lives by an amusement park you can get a job at and the are willing to let you stay.
Do your Grandparents or anyone else have room for you? If so, see if you can move in w/ them, if not now b/c your parents won't allow it, then the moment you are 18. Before you leave, remember to grab your birth certificate and SSN card. If you don't know where they are, now is the time to innocently ask about it.
Do everything in your power to be able to walk out the door at 18, w/o letting your parents know that is the plan or give them a way to sabotage you. Oh, and change your name the moment you are safely out.
Maybe they will get better in the next year, maybe they won't. Assume tje won't and plan accordingly.
Look up the term "Grey Rock" and use the techniques with your parents.
I think y'all need family therapy, maybe they would be open to it since there is so much tension at home. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it isn't fair and it's not your fault. In two years or less you can change your name to whatever you want!
Yes use nicknames. you can be Ricky and she can be Mickey! (I had a cousin named Michelle whose own parents called her Mickey). Then you can also call her little mouse as a sign of affection🤗
My sister is Michelle and I was 2 when she was born and couldn't say it. She was "Mishi" for years.
Edit: I just realized this is very unhelpful to OP since the "sh" is tricky for him. But Mimi is super cute too.
No lie here and I think your parents are a holes for having kids so far apart. What the heck. How can you ever connect with someone that different in age from you. My parents, who had 6 kids...5 of us one after the other...and number 6 who...is a good 20 years younger than myself. I don't know my own brother because I moved out at 17
Some shitty parents do it as a form of replacement. If they aren't pleased with the kid they got, especially when that kid hits around the teens or older and is no longer so much under their thumb, the parents will often have another kid to try to mold them into what they always wanted. They likely wouldn't want the older kid to have a relationship with the younger in that case because they'd worry the new kid would have support in the face of their emotional abuse.
If you "lost them" because of this, it would be entirely their fault. In a decade you will look back and realize that they are emotionally and psychologically abusing you, regardless of their intention. They're putting you in a situation where you cannot win, then blaming and berating you for it. They know you have a stutter and they're purposely triggering it! They are the adults in this situation!
I am so sorry your parents are treating you this way. I'm glad you have your grandparents. You won't lose them. They're not going away. But you are. You're growing up and there's nothing they can do about it. Their control over you continues to slip daily. It's no one's fault. That's how growing up works. Before they know it, you'll be gone. And they will be begging you for time. I hate to see parents throwing away the precious seconds they get with their children. Because one day you will be an adult and just like that it's over and you have your own life.
But also one day you will meet a fellow stutterer or maybe even have your own child and you will give them all the grace your parents and teachers never gave you growing up, and in that moment it will become shockingly clear how easy it would have been for them to make that choice and you will never feel the same way about them again.
I echo the thought: you won't lose your parents over this; but they may well lose you if they don't learn a thing or two or ten. (including compassion, open-mindedness, getting educated about something affecting your son - instead of spouting off thinking that has been proven wrong)
Besides finding someone you can trust and that they will listen to for introducing Monster Study, you should share the Monster Study and King's Speech (movie) info with your maternal grandmother. Even if she's not someone your parents will listen to, it will equip your grandmother to better speak up on your behalf sometime and help her know better how to support you.
Please understand that you are not the one failing your parents; they are failing you. (I'm a parent of a kid your age.) I'm so sorry that your parents are making your life so much harder than it should be. Please do what you can to tune out their badgering and unkind words. Please look for the resources and people who can truly support you in a positive manner.
Of course, NTA.
Do you have a school a counselor or another trusted adult that you can confide in? A school adjustment counselor is usually trained to help students navigate difficult subjects with parents.
Even the wiki is a horror show, holy crap. I have never heard of this particularly insanely unethical study, and I was a psych major in college. I would guess it not being taught is still a symptom of University of Iowa keeping it hidden. This is the stuff of nightmares.
This is a good suggestion. Your parents sound horrible. NTA - Lucily yo only have 2 more years left to legally live at home. In the meantime, make up a cute nickname for your little sister that is easy for you to say and to the best of your ability, move out and/or ignore your parents complete disregard for your feelings.
God, as someone with a speech impediment (that I mostly have fixed with speech therapy but still comes out when I’m tired or stressed) I know this exact feeling. One of my earliest memories is a teacher telling me I was wrong and when I repeated myself she again said I was wrong. When a friend defended me she said in front of the whole class I had to learn to speak right. So I feel this deeply.
And I’m sorry your parents are giving you such a hard time about this. It’s fine if they want to use that name but they have to be understanding as to why it’s a struggle. When she gets old enough to speak you should come up with a fun nickname for just the two of you that you can say.
(Also I’m sorry your name is Richard.)
As a parent this is disgusting period. As a parent of a child with a speech impediment they sound downright evil. They have had this child for 16 years and they are picking on/ bullying their own son. It's sick!!
If it was me, I’d try calling her Misha …and maybe in time, you could progress to her full name. Tell the parents you’re working your way up to it.
They are probably both infatuated and stressed with the baby.
Your grandparents should ask their child how he or she would enjoy it if they browbeat them… if they really scolded them badly and constantly about being patient…(without getting into an argument, just giving them something to think about).
Your parents should be helping not scolding.
Maybe spend time with grandparents, ask them to go to a movie with you or whatever… so your parents notice you pulling away (not that the grandparents are ‘coddling’ you).
Sad you have to teach your parents to understand… hopefully the grands can patiently teach their child to be a patient parent with you, and help you, not accuse or abuse.
When I was young, I was called Ricky, then Rick, because my mom said I wasn’t going to be called Dick (be thankful for that). At school I was more often Richard, although once, while the teacher called upon us by name to read aloud… I was following along on the page. It took him three times calling on Dick to read before I looked up and realized he was talking to me.
Eventually I got used to Richard, in general, although some still call me Rick.
My Dad’s family went by their middle names, seems it was somewhat common way back then. For him, it was easier because grandfather had the same first name as my father.
Good luck
Can you ask to call the baby by a nickname you CAN pronounce like “Mickey”? They sound awful and you are NTA this the only solution I could think of. I’m so sorry they chose a name they KNEW you would have trouble with and then to have the nerve to get mad and accuse you of faking. You deserve better. NTA.
I was thinking along those lines too. Mimi was what came to me as a cute nickname. Your parents chose a name you can't say and are blaming you for it. Say the part you can and tell them it's out of love. See if that works, because they are utterly delusional.
I really feel so deeply sorry for you and cross my fingers and toes for the day you can escape.
NTA
Edited for a typo and to add judgment
I thought of Mimi too, or even something like Mia or Mika if the two Ms are difficult. A nickname is the perfect compromise here. Unfortunately given how obstinate OPs parents are being I can’t see them being on board with that.
Edit: the other option is to go in a completely different direction and call her something cutesy and completely irrelevant to the actual name. For example, I was always called Possie or Poss growing up (short for possum) because of how little I was when I was born.
Some children have a phase where they stutter a little around kindergarten and first grade age, my son had it. The first thing the speech therapist said was to never correct him or make him aware that he does that.
It went away by the time he was in second grade, I don't think he ever realized he that he did stutter a little.
Your parents must know that they make it worse, no way they don't know. Is it possible that your parents can be petty?
Is it possible that they are so mad you wanted to change your name (or maybe about something else) that they are punishing you this way? Making your stutter worse then blaming you for doing it intentionally? Either feeling less judged by being mad at you plus having the confidence to defend themselves from any accustaions or any other reason.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it's unfair and unreasonable.
>It's humiliating to know you say stuff wrong.
I don't have a real impediment but there are a few words I can't say. "Drawer". (It kinda comes out jwore.) I can't even _hear_ it right so I can't fix it. That one is the worst, people have literally not known what I was trying to say. My other issues are really small. I can say "bag" properly if I really concentrate, but otherwise it comes out "beg". But I haven't been _tortured_ about it! Teased, sure, but not like what you've experienced and are still dealing with. :(
Edit to add judgement: NTA
I have the same issue with drawer! and required too! I say required as weqwired- like in what someone would say is a "cute" way. I have to concentrate to say in properly
Mine are the er versus ir sounds. I can’t hear nor pronounce them properly. Board and bird sound the same to me, though I’ve been told they are different: also, ry comes out as we reliably which made my brothers name a nightmare!
Look into language processing disorder. I struggle to hear the difference in sounds that are too closely related, especially in loud environments. I mishear stuff all the time. I've had to learn how to read lips and sometimes that doesn't even help.
I don't have a real impediment either, but I do have a habit of talking too fast, and "slurring my words" as my mother puts it.
After 30 years of people telling me I *need* to speak clearer, I *need* to enunciate better, I *need* to slow down my speech (all by varying methods, most were kind, my uncle used to straight-up mock me), I eventially got sick of it and I still talk too fast.
That’s so shitty, I have a speech impediment and my grade seven teacher phrased things like it was *her fault* that she couldn’t understand me, her favourite thing to say was “okay talk to me like I am stupid!” AKA “talk slower to me so I can understand you.”
Edit: She was my favourite teacher btw, she did teach me how to slow down with my words without ever pushing for it to happen, and she did things in ways where she was giving me a confidence boost.
No idea when or how but I was taught to just wait it out when someone has a stutter; no different than waiting for anyone to finish speaking. Your teachers and parents are inappropriate
I don't remember what singer from the 1950s or 60s I was told had a stutter. The quirky thing is people don't stutter when singing.
Also interesting is stuttering likely won’t happen when speaking to a pet, or speaking in front a mirror, or speaking while wearing headphones playing music — when there’s no external pressure to speak perfectly (e.g. unstructured conversational contexts) speech comes more fluently.
OP would your grandparents be willing to pay for more speech therapy? I think if you can get in therapy, the therapist will tell your parents this is not your fault. The harder they come at you, the worse they are making it.
They were told that so many times before. They were never like this when I was younger or even before I mentioned changing my name. Once I brought that up everything changed between us. My grandparents would pay but I don't think my parents would listen or agree to sign me up for it.
Talk to your grandparents and tell them your parents have been treating you poorly since your sister came. I know this seems bad, but it could get worse if there isn't intervention.
Hell, I would ask if staying there is a possibility but also be crystal clear they can't tell your parents you asked.
Thank you. It was awful. I had so much stress with her as my teacher that my stutter got so much worse that year. Nobody could really understand me by the end of it and I regressed badly.
Frankly, this is child abuse. And so is what your parents are doing. For crying out loud, you have a disability! Your parents should be ashamed of themselves.
I sympathise. I have a mild speech disability. My parents were (and are) very loving but they kept trying to get me to pronounce particular sounds right and I just didn't have the slightest idea how to do that. It was so frustrating.
Luckily I was referred to speech therapy by a preschool teacher, and the speech therapist knew exactly what my tongue and lips needed to be doing. (And yes I was that young but I still remember how frustrating it was).
Your parents are making a mistake. I pushed my autistic child with dysgraphia (didn’t know either at the time) on his challenges with handwriting and all I achieved was a kid with anxiety about anything involving writing. You don’t need the pressure or the critique and worse it sounds like they’re taking other conflicts (your name) and making unnecessary assumptions to mix them with this situation. If I were you I would call Michelle “Mic”. It’s an abbreviation an old friend of mine used because she didn’t like her full name, Michelle. You’re not doing it to be problematic and you are NTA it’s purely practical and if your parents can’t see that then I can only think counseling might help, but it’s pretty obtuse on their part.
Can you move in with your grandparents?
It is unhealthy for you to be in that household. They do not acknowledge that you have issues with speech, with pronunciation.
Their demands, their refusal to acknowledge who you are , is causing stress and mental health issues.
NTA
The 1900s was a wild time for studies. Science and society had progressed far enough for these kinds of studies to be possible, but not far enough for them to be unconscionable.
Honestly, “child abuse” started flashing in my mind as I read this post. OP is NTA, but his parents don’t deserve that title, and I am so angry on his behalf.
Sounds like it was a Watson study, I'm still angry with him about Little Albert and it's been a long time. Poor kid never recovered and I'm pretty sure he died young too.
NTA. I honestly cannot believe your parents would be giving you such a hard time knowing you have a speech issue.
If you struggle with shell, it's logical that Michelle would be difficult. Of course stressing over the pronunciation is going to make your stutter worse, not better. As a parent of a kid with speech issues it breaks my heart that they are making this worse for you.
It sounds like there is a lot of resentment and hard feelings built up around you not liking your own name. Perhaps that is blinding them to the fact that this isn't about you liking/disliking the name. Either way I'm sorry this is happening.
If your parents stick with the name perhaps you can call her Sissy or M. My friend Michelle goes by Michi (pronounced me-chee). I'm sure you can find something that won't make you self conscious every time you try to say her name.
Good luck.
Thank you. I'm not sure my parents will be good with a nickname. They want me to get the name right. But a nickname might be my default anyway because I don't know if I'll be able to get Michelle right. And I don't know if they'll stop making it worse. Right now I think it's going to get worse, way worse.
I'm so sorry OP.
Perhaps you should suggest family counseling to help resolve all this festering resentment. Or ask to talk to a therapist yourself. It seems like you are dealing with a lot right now and it might help to have someone to talk about things with.
I was wondering if they would go for that. Even just asking might show that OP is indeed trying but needs help. Even if it ends up not working, it would be because a professional was unable to help, not because OP isn't trying.
Though if they're so upset OP wants to change his name from something that has a really obvious reason why (at least to me), I don't know that they can be trusted to be reasonable on anything. Sheesh. OP is NTA.
I'm the older sister with a younger brother. My name starts with a S sound which is hard to say even without issues so he always called me my name without that difficult syllable in it, which was fun because it's not a standard nickname for me so it was special that he was the only one to call me that, even after he got old enough to be able to say it right
So pitch it as a special sibling nickname, maybe make one for yourself too
One of the kids I nannied couldn't say my starts-with-s-name, so she settled on Nunu. The whole family adopted the name. I'm in touch with them 30 years on. I'm still Nunu.
This, a special nickname from OP, could be a special bond between the two. My sister struggled with certain letters growing up. When she was really young, L was one of her struggles, which happens to be in the middle of my name, so she called me a unique variation that even now is something we lovingly share. OP's parents need to accept speech impediments don't simply go away, but it does make them unique in a special kind of way. Instead of making out as a rebellious act, accept it because it's a special part of what makes up who OP is.
It's almost like they picked a name they knew you'd have a hard time pronouncing on purpose. I'm not sure your parents are on your side in life, generally.
Yeah I would just refuse to say Michelle moving forward. These parents suck. I saw another comment asking if OP can live with their grandparents, and I highly recommend that as well!!
They don't get to decide if you give your sister a nickname. Do it anyway. Your parents are so far gone over this, it can't make it that much worse. Plus, your sister will love it.
I don’t think my older brother has ever called me “Michelle”. It was mostly either Shell or, for whatever reason, Shoo, which then became Old Shoe. Most of my college friends called me Meesh. She will be your baby sister, you’re allowed to give her whatever nickname you want, it’s Sibling Law.
Try Misha for a nickname and tell parents you’re working toward the full name. (Maybe it’ll stick… maybe your grandparents could use it too. Oh well.)
(Also, maybe you could go by your middle name and not change your first.)
Your parents seem kind of evil. They've known you your whole life, they should understand the sort of sounds you struggle to pronounce.
I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they specifically chose that name to belittle you
I would recommend you come up with a nickname that has nothing to do with her actual name, so your parents are less likely to be mad. Kids I use to babysit were nicknamed Bug and Worm, short for Cuddlebug and Wiggle worm. Our ferret was nicknamed Woozel, cause the first thing I said when meeting him was “who’s a cute woozel” Find a cute name that only you call her.
Agree with this! My son had many speech issues/delays and a stutter when he was younger, so he called his big sister Sissy for the first ten years of his life. It was cute so it stuck, and now lots of people call her that, even though he has outgrown the speech issues (through LOTS of speech therapy) and can pronounce her actual name. Your parents are being unnecessarily cruel for something outside your control. NTA, but your parents are. I wish you could go and stay with your grandmother. She gets it.
When I'm speaking to one of my kids about the other, I tend to say "sister" or "brother", i.e. "sister is in her room" instead of their names, don't know why.... But when my son was little he couldn't say "sister". It came out "circle". It was really cute, and stuck for years after he could say it right. I even added a little circle next to the tattoo I have for her.
While it's normally a diminutive of Mikhail/Michael, I think the nicknames Misha or Mishka are quite adorable. I had the cutest little rat named named Mishka. It can also be used to mean a little bear or a teddy bear. Perhaps it would help since the sounds use different mouth shapes than -elle?
My sister Michelle was Mushy for the first 18 years of her life because I couldn't say Shell either. She's Michi now which feels like the grown up version lol.
You parents are really sad people. You lost the lottery
with them.
Ignore them and call the new baby "Mimi" instead
of Michelle. Tell them that Michelle is a French name
and that "Mimi" is a known nickname for Michelle.
Refuse to play their "say it correctly" games anymore,
they seem to get pleasure from belittling you.
Maybe go live with your grandparents?
NTA Don't let your parents mistreat you again, keep
standing up for yourself. No more pronunciation games.
This! I was going to say go live with your grandparents too.
The name Mimi is so cute. This is perfect.
Big hugs. My first girl had minor speech lip issues that we mostly worked out. (She didn't have her lips meet for b,p,m but just worked at it and it's mostly ok now).
I feel for you. I'm a stickler for pronunciation but I can also see that if a certain sound is an issue like you that it's not something to pressure you about. I'm so sorry they can't see that it's an underlying issue for you.
I would have hoped that your parents can see that the sound "shell" is not your fault and their choice of name is actually quite unfortunate and they should have chosen a different name if it's do difficult for you!
Definitelyyyy NTA. This sucks and is ridiculous that you're having to go through this. If your parents had educated themselves even a tiny bit about stutters, they would know full well that yelling at you and stressing you out will make it worse.
This might go without saying, but if your parents are this unsupportive with the stutter, there's a good chance they are unsupportive about other things. So it might be worth taking stock of your support system besides them (i.e., the grandparents who stood up for you, friends, other family) and strengthening those relationships as much as possible before the baby comes.
There's no chance that they are open to nicknames for Michelle like Ellie, Micky, Mimi, etc. right? I'm sorry that you're even having to deal with this, friend :(
Nope. They told me that I need to say the name right. That I need to do better. They won't let me get away with saying her name badly for the rest of her life.
I would ask them if they were deliberately trying to hurt your relationship with your sister by giving her a name that they knew you couldn’t pronounce and why they’d set you up to fail. They’re the A Hs here not you. You don’t do stuff like that to people you love, especially to your kids.
Ugh, that figures. In that case, I definitely vote that you focus on your wellbeing as much as possible while you navigate this. It is good in terms of your mental health, but also less stress might help the speech stuff anyways. Idk what a support system looks like for you -- weekly zoom w grandparents? talk to school counselor about resources? putting more time into activities you can do outside of the house? staying with neighbors? who knows -- but there is a good chance that things will get more stressful after she is born, so try to build your support system as much as possible!!!
You're not "getting away with" anything, ffs! This is like putting a set of stairs in front of a person in a wheelchair and then yelling themselves when they attempt to get upstairs by pulling themselves up by their arms.
I'm sorry but your parents are complete AHs. You are NTA.
Then you need to leave them behind as soon as you're financially able. Make friends through work or the ones you already have. As soon as you start working, get your own bank account and save to move to a shared apartment with friends. Move to your grandparents if possible in the meantime. Talk to your school counselor if you have one. Call your sister whatever works for you. Your parents are worthless.
NTA. Also, how long were you in speech therapy for and how often? It can be a years long process. You are still young and it may be worth looking into starting speech therapy again. My son had many issues with pronunciation and it took six years of speech therapy, twice a week, for him.
I was in speech therapy for 7 years, three times a week for three years and then twice a week for two years, followed by once a week for two more years. I had different speech therapists in that time too.
If you are in the US you should be able to get speech therapy through your school. I saw that you referred to an IEP elsewhere so I'm guessing you are in the US. Talk to your case manager. That's the special education teacher who oversees your IEP. If you don't know who that is, ask your guidance counselor, an administrator, or even just a teacher that you get along with well.
NTA
Your parents know that you can't pronounce certain sounds well and have chosen a name that you can't pronounce. If you have trouble with "chelle", it's in no way your fault and it's not that serious, I don't understand why it provokes such a reaction in them.
I really think they're taking this worse than ever because of my feelings on my own name. It made them angry and resentful. I hate it because I feel like I got overall worse in my speech since they started getting annoyed with me.
My guess: they feel like you wanting a different name = criticizing their parenting and they're punishing you for it. It wouldn't be surprising either if they're insecure about having another baby after 16 years & are projecting those insecurities onto you.
I know you don’t want to think this about your parents, but after reading your comments, it seems like they chose a name they knew you wouldn’t be able to pronounce *on purpose,* as a punishment for wanting to change your name.
It’s a win-win for them. Either you’re never going to be able to pronounce it correctly and they get to be angry/frustrated with you forever or, if by some miracle you do manage to say it correctly, they get to say you were mispronouncing it intentionally, which would justify their anger/frustration (in their minds, at least).
I don’t know what your parents were like before this, but their purposeful creation of this scenario is abusive and is likely to get worse.
NTA. Keep your grandparents in the loop of what’s happening. Talk to your guidance counselor and/or another trusted adult. A friend’s parents, maybe? You need more (adult) advocates since it sounds like your parents aren’t listening to your grandparents.
It is. You'd think after all the money they spent on speech therapy for me that they'd get it. I think me wanting to change my name set off a chain reaction of resentment that I can't undo, even if I'd love to. It's made them way less understanding of me and my speech. Other stuff bugs them more than it used to.
NTA. Geez, Do they not understand how stutters work?
They are creating a fantasy that you are resenting their new daughter as well as your name now, and it's only going to get worse. The baby's not even here yet and she's already the golden child.
Ask your grandparents again for them to intercede. Your parents are being abusive to you. You could also speak to a counselor or teacher at school. Maybe ask for more speech therapy - mostly just to get the therapist to tell your parents to back the F off you.
NTA. Try singing her name. The brain uses different regions for speech and singing and using music can be a useful tool. My husbands favorite example is Cannonball Run where the 2 guys are in a car and the hood flips up. The actor (I can't recall his name) had a significant stutter and when doing that scene to get the line out he actually sings "I can't see can you?" to which his passenger also singsongs "No I can't little buddy"
The actor was Mel Tillis. A singer, actually. His stutter was real, but it disappeared when he sang.
OP, here is an idea. There is a song “Michelle” by the Beatles. It is quite lovely. Could you download it and try singing along? Singing “Michelle, ma belle” to the baby sounds heartbreakingly beautiful to me.
Making music is different than speaking though. Alzheimer’s patients who can no longer speak coherently will recognize familiar music and sing along. Who knows?
Well, if the difficulty with pronouncing the speech sounds is an oral motor problem, which seems likely, and not a problem with speech fluency, like the stutter, it is very probably not going to go away with trying to sing. You still have to perform the correct muscle movements with your mouth and tongue to make the sounds whether you are singing them or not.
I will admit that my info is anecdotal and not research based, but I spent 40 years in an elder care adjacent profession. I have seen this phenomena many times. My husband (who was a music teacher) has Alzheimer’s and aphasia can still sing beautifully.
I wouldn’t try singing it, because OP’s parents sound like the type to hear OP sing the name correctly and take it as “proof” that they’re right and OP is doing it on purpose. Which would likely make it worse.
It's actually well known that many people who stutter when they talk don't when they sing because the two processes use different parts of the brain.
Harrison Craig on The Voice Australia is a good recent example. The man has an absolutely incredible singing voice.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgflbGzlCeY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgflbGzlCeY)
I’m not doubting that it’s true- I’m just doubting the parents actually taking that into consideration. Especially when they already know their kid has a stutter, yet still somehow think the kids doing it on purpose. They strike me as the type to just take it as them being “right”.
NTA. I mean if you're serious that you cannot say it due to personal restrictions, then you cannot be the asshole since the situation is beyond your control.
NTA. They're being cruel. Tell them when you have your first child, they'll have to do a seven-foot high jump before they can meet her, with ankle weights, and if they can't then clearly that's an intentional insult to you and you won't have contact with them until they try harder and do better.
Why does it have to be Dick? Why not go by Rick? That sounds way more logical as a nickname than Dick. Same with Bill & Will for William. I never get why Bill is short for William.
Talk to someone at your school. Tell them that you need continued speech therapy and that your parents not only refuse to get it, they ridicule and try to humiliate you for saying things wrong.
This is verbal, emotional and psychological abuse and someone needs to intervene on your behalf. If the school won’t do it directly, then they need to alert CPS.
If you don’t want to wait for school to start, contact CPS yourself.
NTA I think family counseling would be a good idea. Give you and your parents a controlled environment for you to explain yourself and the hurt they are causing you, without your parents brushing it off in anger.
If the situation doesn't get better you may wanna consider staying with friends or family for a bit. If it's stressed you out to the point of your speech worsening overall I just don't think it's a good idea to stay in such a stressful environment. If any of this affects your performance at school I hope you have a councillor or teachers that you can rely on for help with your disability, please reach out to them.
Also give your baby sister a nickname that's easier for you to pronounce! Something like Michi or Mimi would be cute and still acknowledges her name.
NTA. Your parents are horrible people who have not provided you with the support you need to be a success in life. Im so glad you have your grandparents. Talk to them about possibly moving in when you are able to.
NTA
I used to have problems with the sh sound as well
When you are not around your parents work on saying the word shit.
I have seen Michelle written in 10 different ways
Sometimes easier doing Me-c-hell
It was how I learned to say my name
What horrible parents you have. Everyone knows that pressure makes a stammer worse.
They can choose whatever name they want but if they chose one you cannot pronounce they need to accept you cannot say it.
NTA
NTA but your parents are AH's and being emotionally abusive to you over this. Next time they say something respond with " thanks for emotionally abusing me over something I can't control, really shows you love me!"
If I treated my daughter that way in front of her speech therapist, she'd rip me a new one. I second the nickname advice. Your baby sibling probably won't be able to say Richard correctly for a while. You can give each other nicknames. She'll love it. To hell with your mom. Her behavior is outrageous.
A massive NTA from a mom of a stutterer.
I don't know about your relationship with your parents, but if this is possible, maybe next time they start giving you a hard time about saying Michelle, say, " Why do you keep making fun of me? "
Turn it around on them. Ask things like that, or why do they keep bullying you? Did they deliberately choose a name you couldn't say to punish you?
NTA. Your parents ARE bullying you. They are being mean.
My youngest has dyspraxia. Mainly the speech delay. We finally got her into some proper speech therapy. Would your grandparents be willing to help you get some speech therapy, to help you. I don’t want to suggest your parents I don’t think the would be willing, the way they are treating you says a lot.
Nta
NTA. I know people whose parents have accents and struggle to pronounce their own children's names, that they gave them. Not being able to say a name is not a character flaw. Also, if you didn't like the name, that would also be okay.
My petty move would be to get a doctors note explaining that I am excused from saying the name due to a disability. Like as formal as possible to show your parents how ridiculous they are being.
A less petty idea– if you are artistic, you could make an artwork of her name for her room (even if you are not artistic, you could make something beautiful using Canva or something similar). That might help you show your parents that you think it is a beautiful name, even if you struggle to pronounce it.
(Also, Michelle isn't that "traditional"– if you are from the US, it did not enter the most popular 1000 names until the late 30s and peaked in the 60s/70s.)
NTA - your parents are being cruel to you. You need to see your speech therapist and have them tell your parents they are idiots.
My parents told me when they were trying to decide what to call me there were a couple of names they were considering but decided to choose the one without "s" in it as my last name has an "s" and they were concerned it would be difficult if I had a speech impediment - I don't but they thought about names and possible issues before naming us kids.
I had a similar problem for a while. I could say things correctly, but once, out of maybe 50 attempts. My parents were, likewise, extremely hard on me. They construed my continued mispronunciation of a relative's name as indicative of disrespect.
Basically, the whole thing was gonna make me kill myself.
So I started recording messages to her. In private, I could pronounced her name with far, far, far more fluency. And I've always been quick to wield my phone -- an advantage my parents don't have!
And even they were pretty delighted that I have a machine that proved I cared about addressing my aunt, in a way she felt flattered by!
Maybe you could do something like this! x
Keep heart x
NTA but I can't help but feel like they set you up on purpose for whatever reason.
You are a minor who went to speech therapy so they *know* about your issues quite well and yet chose a name that they *know* you cannot say correctly and then make you feel horrible about it. This sounds wrong on so many levels. Ngl, they sound cruel.
NTA. And as someone with hardcore speech issues due to hearing loss, your parents' behavior is absolute bullshit.
I'm more concerned about the 16 year gap between you and your soon-to-be sister.
I am absolutely NOT judging their decision to have another child, but you do know they will expect you to stay home and be the permanent babysitter? You need to be making plans to move, soon. Talk to your grandparents - they sound like reasonable people, based on your description.
And I seriously doubt your sister will grow up traumatized because her brother, who has a legitimate speech impediment, has trouble with certain letters and sounds. Give me a break. I'm sure the two of you will be just fine together as she grows up, but your parents are toxic and you need to leave.
Nta, make a nickname for her you can say. Your parents are being horrible and ableist. They know you struggle and can love the name all they want, you can make a nickname that is just for the two of you.
Also I get wanting to change the name, the common nickname isn't always nice
Your parents are behaving very badly indeed. I'll bet you can't wait to get out of there for college in two years, where I swear it will get better. (You will probably also find better speech therapy there if that's something you desire.)
I would suggest that you call the baby "Baby." I can think of a lot of things you could call your parents but I don't want to swear in front of a 16 year old, so I'll leave it alone.
I think you should come up with few sentences on the order of, "You're being ridiculous and you know it." Or maybe, "You picked a name you knew I couldn't pronounce. What did you think would happen? Is there a nickname you'd like me to call her." Then be prepared to repeat them a lot.
If they come up with "Shelly," as the nickname of choice, you might want to get yourself into therapy just to have some sympathetic adult support in the face of some truly bizarre meanness.
NTA
NTAH in my opinion if you’ve always had a stuttering problem, they would know that this type of stress would increasingly affect your stutter. It’s a known fact for people that Sutter. plus you’re only 16. I would suggest more speech therapy and stress reduction. That’s all you can do at this time.
It’s obvious that you are being resented that you wanted liking your own name. You have a right to change your name. Once you’re 18 it doesn’t matter.
Your mother is pregnant and being insensitive or over sensitive. If your father supporting it then it’s even worse.
There should be a point where they should stick up for you. Why would want to stutter on purpose is a question.? You don’t!…
That pressure to perform a name correctly has nothing to do with you intentionally. They picked the name. Keep going to speech therapy and they’ll need to deal with it.
Ps I wouldn’t want to be called Richard either 😑
NTA. My aunt has what seems like a fairly simple name but growing up the younger kids had a hard time with part of it. The L near the middle was very hard. She never minded of course but when I named my own kids I remembered that and tried to be considerate of names that would be complicated for someone to pronounce. Obviously everyone's speech is different but still. My oldest has also had speech therapy for years as well. It seems as though your parents would be well aware of the parts that give you trouble and went with that name anyway. Them harping on you and making you anxious about it will only make it worse.
NTA. Your parents are idiots. The more stress they put you under about this the worse your stutter is going to be. I'm sorry they're being so inconsiderate of you OP
I’m sorry your parents are assholes. My parents teased me for having a lisp when I was little. One of many many reasons I no longer speak to them very much.
NTA. My FIL has a stutter and couldn't say the first name we picked for our kid. We picked another name because it would have been a jerk move not to especially when no birth certificate had been filed yet. I'd find a nickname you can say (Mimi?) and go with that.
One of my best friends growing up had a severe speech impediment. Stress and difficult words absolutely made it way way worse, to the point where he'd just feel too ashamed to speak and would go days sometimes just because of how difficult it could be for him, he had even contemplated some very very dark things because he'd felt like a failure for not being able to speak the way his parents or I could.
Your Parents deliberately making it hard on you and being mean about it not only doesn't help but it's a abusive. My friend thrived and improved when he was given patience, kindness and simple therapy. There's no stressing something like this, it's not something you just push through and shame on your parents for thinking this is just something you can force.
You need help. You need a speech therapist and gentle guidance. Your parents force and anger are abusive and imo there's a special place in hell for people who get abusive or mock those who have speech impediments. Forcing you will have the opposite effects and that's not something you can help.
It goes without saying but please don't take anything they're saying to heart. Your maternal grandparents are right. My best friend absolutely thrived in a safe and gentle environment where he could learn at his own pace and even then he struggled with mental health issues, the few people who did get upset with him or would get impatient made it so much worse for him but he never ever ever deserved to be treated that way.
Take your time with this, screw your parents for not caring enough to try and help their own son and find your own pace, there's definitely resources and help out there and seeing a regular therapist and a specialist can be a huge huge Boon so I hope you get that chance. You're not alone. You're not bad or wrong or broken, this something you can overcome with time and patience and don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're somehow not as good or as smart just because you can't talk like them. It has nothing to do with that.
NTA.
Your parents are making it hard in ways that are really appalling. If they were more reasonable, I'd suggest talking to them about how you feel and together coming up with a special nickname for you to call your baby sister that can be a celebration of a future bond and something more comfortable for you to pronounce (like Michi, Mimi, Elle, Mika, etc. depending on what is easiest for you to say). They sure don't sound that reasonable though.
It's sad because the beauty of the name they picked is that there are so many wonderful nicknames that can be made out of it and it is easy for a child given that name to therefore find a version that fits them. So, really, a good nickname (if your parents were more reasonable people) would be a compliment to their taste.
Instead, since they aren't that reasonable. I suggest you look at what your plan is to get out of their house as soon as you are an adult and to be self-reliant sooner rather than later. Focus on that plan. Also consider how you will try, if possible and wanted by you, to maintain a relationship with your new sister even if you have to set some strict boundaries with your parents and/or set limits on how often you engage with them.
If this is how they treat you now, that poor girl is going to have an equally rough time, especially because it's going to quickly become apparent to them when she also starts to struggle with their unreasonable parenting and/or assert her own identity, that they are the problem. Which is going to make their own insecurities about how they are as parents and their fears that they will be "undermined" even worse.
I'm so sorry you're in this position.
NTA at all OP! I am a little surprised that they are still going with that name (and not exploring other options) knowing that you can’t pronounce it. I have definitely heard of other cases where parents were stuck between two names and chose the one that siblings could say better!
NTA.
They are intentionally and repeatedly triggering your stutter and then punishing you for having it. I would consider this pretty intolerable.
Can you stay with your grandparents? When you're an adult, maybe consider changing your last name, too, if you feel like being petty.
I think your parents are shits for choosing a name they KNOW you can't pronounce. I'm sorry you are going through this. Can you move in with your maternal grandparents. Obviously a huge NTA. Please accept this stranger's virtual hug and best wishes.
This ableist bullshit is borderline verbal abuse. It honestly makes me wonder if they chose that name specifically to be able to punish you for not being able to say it.
Move to your grandparent's house if they're okay with it. This behavior from your own parents is the same behavior that leads kids your age to self-harm and worse.
NTA.
Oh god i feel you. I have a speech impediment myself ( I can't pronounce hard R and I'm a spanish speaker so it's a really common sound) and if my parents had named my brother something I couldn't say, I would have been SO MAD. NTA they are completely.
NTA
And also NTA for wanting to change you name either. This may not be the case and it would not matter whether it was or not but I imagine if the “chell” in Michelle is hard to pronounce then the “chard” in Richard might have the same pronunciation difficulty. And not that you need a reason not to like a name but if that is the reason, then your parents are definitely TA for not understanding that and not understanding why it’s hard to say your sister’s name. I couldn’t imagine going through my whole life, not being able to say my own name without concentration. If that were the case. I really hope it’s not.
NTA and as the mom of a bright boy with speech issues, i am so sorry you are going through this. i get so defensive when people comment on my child not pronouncing things correctly because i know it isn't his fault and it stresses him out when people are unable to understand him. he didn't call me "mom" until he was four and i cried for hours when he finally did. i cannot believe what your parents are putting you through and it is the reason why i refuse to have any more children because i owe my attention and care to my child with a disability. i hope things get better for you, take one thing at a time and i'm glad you have your grandparents on your corner.
Absolutely NTA. I'm so sorry hun, you don't deserve this. Honestly, it sounds like your grandparents are really supportive - do you have the option of going to live with them? Sounds like it would be a much better environment for you to be in.
u, buddy, r NTA. if anything ur parents r the AH’s. they know u have had this issue for YEARS, and they should also know u don’t do well under pressure! ur their son, and they should support u no matter what! i don’t understand y it’s such a big issue. personally i would have lashed out at them, so kudos to u for staying strong!
NTA - I remember a namenerds post not too long ago from a mom who had a speech delayed toddler. They could only say certain sounds and this mom was looking for name suggestions because her priority was that the big sister be able to say the name. The idea of purposefully using a name you can’t pronounce and then getting mad at you is so cruel. Your parents shouldn’t treat you that way, they should love you unconditionally.
NTA
I'm sorry you even had to wonder about that. It's your parents.
Have you checked out r/raisedbynarcissists?
If not check it out see if anything jibes.
NTA, and I'm really sorry your parents can see how manipulative and abusive they're being. They had you in speech therapy (at least for a while), so it's not like they don't know the issues you have. I think you're probably right, and they're angry that you want to change your name, so they'retrying to punish you. Unfortunately, just because they are legally adults, doesn't mean they have the emotional maturity of adults.
There's a lot of great suggestions on this post, so I won't go over them again, but it sounds like your grandparents are understanding and empathetic, so I would keep them in the loop on the situation at home, and continue to lean on them for support until you can remove yourself from the situation.
Not the same, but when my sister was learning to talk, she had difficulty pronouncing the first part of my name, so it got shortened. (Actually, most kids have issues with it.) One nickname led to another, and has rarely used my actual name in 30+ years. And I use one of my many nicknames for her. It can be great bonding for siblings and something special that you share.
NTA. As someone who has a problem with stumbling and stuttering over words, still have a rough time with words like "regular" or "rottweiler" and i know how frustrating it can be and it being your own parents who KNOW you have a speech issue, thats just so annoying.
Next time your parents give you a hard time tell them it's not your fault they're ablist assholes. They knew you had this disability even though it's minor and they decided on a name your disability prevents you from pronouncing correctly. It's like blaming any disabled person for the quirks of their disability. I'm dyslexic one of the things my disability does is prevent me from hearing the difference between similar sounds.... It means I will sometimes pronounce things 'wrong' especially if it happens to a different language where the letter will make different sounds then the way my brain has been wired to associate that letter with that sound. People are free to make a big deal out of my pronouncing something wrong.... But it only makes them the asshole.
I say this because well it's not a stutter I can totally empathize with how it feels to be shit on for something you can't help and can't fix.
NTA
I had a horrible stutter as a kid, mainly when I got scared or really excited. Luckily it barely comes out now... I don't know if going back might help you but it's also worth asking about. Because of this.. no you are not the asshole. You have a literal impediment. What is wrong with your parents?! Is there a nickname you can call her? can you say misha? or elle? or elly? It's just cruel of them to choose a name that they should know you cannot say.
Your parents are children. I'm sorry.
NTA. I know you don’t want to lose your parents over this, but they do not care about your own well being and are failing you as parents. It took me years to accept that my mom was toxic for me and that I needed boundaries and distance. I am currently NC with her and I am at peace. She never cared about me, she only used me to stoke her own ego.
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I (16m) have speech issues. I have a stutter and I also have trouble making certain sounds as well. I did speech therapy when I was younger and I'm better than I was but still can't say some things correctly. I was my parents only child until now. My mom is pregnant with my baby sister. And they chose her name which is something I can't say correctly. The name is Michelle. I have a lot of trouble with the chell part and I don't say words like shell right either. My parents are really frustrated by it and they are saying I'm doing it intentionally because I don't like the fact it's a traditional name. They used the fact I want to change my name to say I'm being intentionally difficult. It hurts. They know I always struggled with this but now it's a great big issue. My stutter got worse because of the stress of my parents and now the name sounds even worse out of my mouth which angers them more. But I'm not doing it intentionally. I worked so hard for so long on the sounds.
My (maternal) grandparents spoke in my defense but mom told them to shut up and said they were encouraging me. She was already pissed because they offered to pay for me to change my name. My mom said it was so wrong and this was just another way for them to undermine her and my dad as my parents.
This led to me telling my parents it's unfair for them to blame me for saying the name wrong. I said it when they got on me again for how I was saying the name. They keep making me repeat it so I get it right. But I get worse because the pressure makes my stutter so bad. My parents told me I shouldn't talk to them about fair when I keep shitting on the names they love. Which I don't. I never said anything about Michelle and I regret telling them I hate my name and want something different (my name is Richard).
AITA?
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NTA but why no call the baby mimi when its birn, something cute, a nickname that is part of her real name. Your parents are veing ridiculous, you ha e a speech issue, they need to let it go.
Perhaps you and your sister will come up with a unique way to say it. And only you two. It will bond you. Until then, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Peace 🕊️.
Forgot to add: NTA
I also had to have speech for a couple of years, because I couldn’t say my Rs. I don’t remember anyone picking on me for it.
Your parents are as$&6! You could call them out on it, but that’s a you decision.
OP, how does the word ‘shell’ come out when you say it? I read that you were having an issue with that part. I hope you do not mind me asking.
My older son struggled with sounds. He had to learn names by saying the syllables slowly until he could put it together.
For example, he would say ‘me’ pause ‘sh’ pause ‘el’ until he could get it all together correctly.
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NTA and I am going to be completely honest with you - they are absolutely making it worse for you to be able to say the name correctly due to stressing you out. Stress/anxiety impacts peoples ability to speak even if they don’t have diagnosed issues when it comes to speech. There is a very famous study (completely unethical practices might I add) that proves this. Children were left with lifelong speech issues when they didn’t have any prior BECAUSE those conducting the study kept belittling those children for their speech. I am sorry you are dealing with this.
That was always a struggle for me. I had a teacher when I was younger who was always correcting me for saying things wrong and would respond harshly when I couldn't "fix my mistake" on my next attempt. It made it worse because then my stutter kicked in and I sounded worse. It's humiliating to know you say stuff wrong.
If your parents would possibly be open to it? I would absolutely urge you to look up the “Monster Study” (this is the study I am referring to). I would take some time to read and digest it - it was unethical. It isn’t pleasant reading. I would ask them to take a look at it as well along with information about why it was unethical. I know a lot of parents absolutely are not open to being “educated” by their children. So, it may not be safe for you to go down this route/they may not accept it. I’m leaving the ball in your court with that one.
I don't think they'll be open to it from me. But maybe I could get someone else they might listen to, to bring it up them. At this point anything to make them let up because I hate this so much and I don't want to lose them over this.
Please remember that in this specific instance? They are failing you with the way they are acting. They may not understand that they are failing you but that does not excuse the fact that they are. I really do hope that you can get someone to help you and get them to understand that it is going to be their fault if your speech regresses further… They are absolutely putting too much pressure on you. I wish you all the best.
You wouldn't be losing them. They would be losing you over their horrible behavior. You deserve so much better. The movie the King's Speech was excellent about how toxic approaches can be to a stutterer. And how successful good treatment can be
Also, quick aside about that movie - Colin Firth's performance of that speech was SPOT. ON. There is at least one video comparing the movie speech and the actual speech side-by-side, and it is amazing. Then reflecting on the fact that the original speech was given by someone who has a significant stutter...he just sounded so measured and regal. Absolutely incredible.
An incredible performance which deserved and got the Oscar. The scenes in it where his father was bullying him reminded me of OPs post.
I know it’s hard to reconcile the idea of your parents being flawed people but I wouldn’t say they’re worth keeping when they’re disrespecting you and belitting your disability. They’re taking everything about it personally when it has nothing to do with them and emotionally and verbally punishing you for it. That’s ableist and wrong. They’re the adults here, they should act like it.
They are not good people and none of this is your fault. This is abuse and your parents aren't willing to listen to reason. Your parents refuse to accept you for who you are. So, you need to take a page out of the gay teen with parents who refuse to accept that they are gay hanbook. You need to take charge of your life as much as you possibly can. Are you in the US? Talk to your grandparent. If you feel you csn trust them, tell them everything and ask them to help you open up a bank account (you need an adult signature). Get a part-time job. Save every single penny you can. If you can get away w/ it, always ask for money for Christmas & birthdays. Say you are saving up for college or a car or whatever thing that will make your paents happy and off your back. Stay out of your home as much as possible, work, grandparents, friends, library, after school acactivities, volunteer at church - whatever works. Look for a summer job away from home if you can. Probably too late for this summer, but start looking at ideas for next summer. Working at a camp or a realitves farm/ranch or if anyone lives by an amusement park you can get a job at and the are willing to let you stay. Do your Grandparents or anyone else have room for you? If so, see if you can move in w/ them, if not now b/c your parents won't allow it, then the moment you are 18. Before you leave, remember to grab your birth certificate and SSN card. If you don't know where they are, now is the time to innocently ask about it. Do everything in your power to be able to walk out the door at 18, w/o letting your parents know that is the plan or give them a way to sabotage you. Oh, and change your name the moment you are safely out. Maybe they will get better in the next year, maybe they won't. Assume tje won't and plan accordingly. Look up the term "Grey Rock" and use the techniques with your parents.
I think y'all need family therapy, maybe they would be open to it since there is so much tension at home. I'm so sorry you are going through this, it isn't fair and it's not your fault. In two years or less you can change your name to whatever you want!
Yes use nicknames. you can be Ricky and she can be Mickey! (I had a cousin named Michelle whose own parents called her Mickey). Then you can also call her little mouse as a sign of affection🤗
Or Mimi is so cute!
I was just going to write the same thing!
My sister is Michelle and I was 2 when she was born and couldn't say it. She was "Mishi" for years. Edit: I just realized this is very unhelpful to OP since the "sh" is tricky for him. But Mimi is super cute too.
No lie here and I think your parents are a holes for having kids so far apart. What the heck. How can you ever connect with someone that different in age from you. My parents, who had 6 kids...5 of us one after the other...and number 6 who...is a good 20 years younger than myself. I don't know my own brother because I moved out at 17
Some shitty parents do it as a form of replacement. If they aren't pleased with the kid they got, especially when that kid hits around the teens or older and is no longer so much under their thumb, the parents will often have another kid to try to mold them into what they always wanted. They likely wouldn't want the older kid to have a relationship with the younger in that case because they'd worry the new kid would have support in the face of their emotional abuse.
If you "lost them" because of this, it would be entirely their fault. In a decade you will look back and realize that they are emotionally and psychologically abusing you, regardless of their intention. They're putting you in a situation where you cannot win, then blaming and berating you for it. They know you have a stutter and they're purposely triggering it! They are the adults in this situation!
I am so sorry your parents are treating you this way. I'm glad you have your grandparents. You won't lose them. They're not going away. But you are. You're growing up and there's nothing they can do about it. Their control over you continues to slip daily. It's no one's fault. That's how growing up works. Before they know it, you'll be gone. And they will be begging you for time. I hate to see parents throwing away the precious seconds they get with their children. Because one day you will be an adult and just like that it's over and you have your own life. But also one day you will meet a fellow stutterer or maybe even have your own child and you will give them all the grace your parents and teachers never gave you growing up, and in that moment it will become shockingly clear how easy it would have been for them to make that choice and you will never feel the same way about them again.
I don’t want you to lose yourself! ⭐️
This is crucial! You are valuable!
I would go so far as to say your abusive parents are the reason for your stutter. I wouldn't be shocked if they do the same thing to Michelle.
I echo the thought: you won't lose your parents over this; but they may well lose you if they don't learn a thing or two or ten. (including compassion, open-mindedness, getting educated about something affecting your son - instead of spouting off thinking that has been proven wrong) Besides finding someone you can trust and that they will listen to for introducing Monster Study, you should share the Monster Study and King's Speech (movie) info with your maternal grandmother. Even if she's not someone your parents will listen to, it will equip your grandmother to better speak up on your behalf sometime and help her know better how to support you. Please understand that you are not the one failing your parents; they are failing you. (I'm a parent of a kid your age.) I'm so sorry that your parents are making your life so much harder than it should be. Please do what you can to tune out their badgering and unkind words. Please look for the resources and people who can truly support you in a positive manner. Of course, NTA.
Print it out and leave it on the kitchen counter as a message maybe?
Are parents who blame their child for an uncontrollable speech impediment really worth keeping?
Do you have a school a counselor or another trusted adult that you can confide in? A school adjustment counselor is usually trained to help students navigate difficult subjects with parents.
That should NEVER be a threat dear…so sorry they did things to make you feel that way…hugs & prayers! 😘
Hold up a moment, you aren't losing them, they are losing you by treating you poorly. You don't deserve this.
Your parents are crazy. Some of your teachers were mean. You don't want to lose your parents? They seem like bullies.
Why not? They are not good parents. How much worse could it be without them?
Even the wiki is a horror show, holy crap. I have never heard of this particularly insanely unethical study, and I was a psych major in college. I would guess it not being taught is still a symptom of University of Iowa keeping it hidden. This is the stuff of nightmares.
Yeah unethical studies are one of those things... You MIGHT get some important data you just have to ignore all the ruined lives...
NTA could you go live with your grandparents? Cause your parents are huge AHS
This is a good suggestion. Your parents sound horrible. NTA - Lucily yo only have 2 more years left to legally live at home. In the meantime, make up a cute nickname for your little sister that is easy for you to say and to the best of your ability, move out and/or ignore your parents complete disregard for your feelings.
God, as someone with a speech impediment (that I mostly have fixed with speech therapy but still comes out when I’m tired or stressed) I know this exact feeling. One of my earliest memories is a teacher telling me I was wrong and when I repeated myself she again said I was wrong. When a friend defended me she said in front of the whole class I had to learn to speak right. So I feel this deeply. And I’m sorry your parents are giving you such a hard time about this. It’s fine if they want to use that name but they have to be understanding as to why it’s a struggle. When she gets old enough to speak you should come up with a fun nickname for just the two of you that you can say. (Also I’m sorry your name is Richard.)
As a parent this is disgusting period. As a parent of a child with a speech impediment they sound downright evil. They have had this child for 16 years and they are picking on/ bullying their own son. It's sick!!
If it was me, I’d try calling her Misha …and maybe in time, you could progress to her full name. Tell the parents you’re working your way up to it. They are probably both infatuated and stressed with the baby. Your grandparents should ask their child how he or she would enjoy it if they browbeat them… if they really scolded them badly and constantly about being patient…(without getting into an argument, just giving them something to think about). Your parents should be helping not scolding. Maybe spend time with grandparents, ask them to go to a movie with you or whatever… so your parents notice you pulling away (not that the grandparents are ‘coddling’ you). Sad you have to teach your parents to understand… hopefully the grands can patiently teach their child to be a patient parent with you, and help you, not accuse or abuse. When I was young, I was called Ricky, then Rick, because my mom said I wasn’t going to be called Dick (be thankful for that). At school I was more often Richard, although once, while the teacher called upon us by name to read aloud… I was following along on the page. It took him three times calling on Dick to read before I looked up and realized he was talking to me. Eventually I got used to Richard, in general, although some still call me Rick. My Dad’s family went by their middle names, seems it was somewhat common way back then. For him, it was easier because grandfather had the same first name as my father. Good luck
Can you ask to call the baby by a nickname you CAN pronounce like “Mickey”? They sound awful and you are NTA this the only solution I could think of. I’m so sorry they chose a name they KNEW you would have trouble with and then to have the nerve to get mad and accuse you of faking. You deserve better. NTA.
I was thinking along those lines too. Mimi was what came to me as a cute nickname. Your parents chose a name you can't say and are blaming you for it. Say the part you can and tell them it's out of love. See if that works, because they are utterly delusional. I really feel so deeply sorry for you and cross my fingers and toes for the day you can escape. NTA Edited for a typo and to add judgment
I thought of Mimi too, or even something like Mia or Mika if the two Ms are difficult. A nickname is the perfect compromise here. Unfortunately given how obstinate OPs parents are being I can’t see them being on board with that. Edit: the other option is to go in a completely different direction and call her something cutesy and completely irrelevant to the actual name. For example, I was always called Possie or Poss growing up (short for possum) because of how little I was when I was born.
Some children have a phase where they stutter a little around kindergarten and first grade age, my son had it. The first thing the speech therapist said was to never correct him or make him aware that he does that. It went away by the time he was in second grade, I don't think he ever realized he that he did stutter a little. Your parents must know that they make it worse, no way they don't know. Is it possible that your parents can be petty? Is it possible that they are so mad you wanted to change your name (or maybe about something else) that they are punishing you this way? Making your stutter worse then blaming you for doing it intentionally? Either feeling less judged by being mad at you plus having the confidence to defend themselves from any accustaions or any other reason.
Speech therapist here, can confirm. Stuttering can start this way & is worsened by stress/demand/pressure to speak.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it's unfair and unreasonable. >It's humiliating to know you say stuff wrong. I don't have a real impediment but there are a few words I can't say. "Drawer". (It kinda comes out jwore.) I can't even _hear_ it right so I can't fix it. That one is the worst, people have literally not known what I was trying to say. My other issues are really small. I can say "bag" properly if I really concentrate, but otherwise it comes out "beg". But I haven't been _tortured_ about it! Teased, sure, but not like what you've experienced and are still dealing with. :( Edit to add judgement: NTA
I have the same issue with drawer! and required too! I say required as weqwired- like in what someone would say is a "cute" way. I have to concentrate to say in properly
Mine are the er versus ir sounds. I can’t hear nor pronounce them properly. Board and bird sound the same to me, though I’ve been told they are different: also, ry comes out as we reliably which made my brothers name a nightmare!
Look into language processing disorder. I struggle to hear the difference in sounds that are too closely related, especially in loud environments. I mishear stuff all the time. I've had to learn how to read lips and sometimes that doesn't even help.
I don't have a real impediment either, but I do have a habit of talking too fast, and "slurring my words" as my mother puts it. After 30 years of people telling me I *need* to speak clearer, I *need* to enunciate better, I *need* to slow down my speech (all by varying methods, most were kind, my uncle used to straight-up mock me), I eventially got sick of it and I still talk too fast.
That’s so shitty, I have a speech impediment and my grade seven teacher phrased things like it was *her fault* that she couldn’t understand me, her favourite thing to say was “okay talk to me like I am stupid!” AKA “talk slower to me so I can understand you.” Edit: She was my favourite teacher btw, she did teach me how to slow down with my words without ever pushing for it to happen, and she did things in ways where she was giving me a confidence boost.
No idea when or how but I was taught to just wait it out when someone has a stutter; no different than waiting for anyone to finish speaking. Your teachers and parents are inappropriate I don't remember what singer from the 1950s or 60s I was told had a stutter. The quirky thing is people don't stutter when singing.
Maybe he should try singing the Beatles song… Michelle, ma belle… and pick up some French. 🙂
Also interesting is stuttering likely won’t happen when speaking to a pet, or speaking in front a mirror, or speaking while wearing headphones playing music — when there’s no external pressure to speak perfectly (e.g. unstructured conversational contexts) speech comes more fluently.
Mel Tillis. I really liked his song, Coca Cola Cowboy. My dear uncle had a stutter, and my grandpa woul get so impatient.
Thanks. I couldnr remember more. I don't know that song.
OP would your grandparents be willing to pay for more speech therapy? I think if you can get in therapy, the therapist will tell your parents this is not your fault. The harder they come at you, the worse they are making it.
They were told that so many times before. They were never like this when I was younger or even before I mentioned changing my name. Once I brought that up everything changed between us. My grandparents would pay but I don't think my parents would listen or agree to sign me up for it.
Talk to your grandparents and tell them your parents have been treating you poorly since your sister came. I know this seems bad, but it could get worse if there isn't intervention. Hell, I would ask if staying there is a possibility but also be crystal clear they can't tell your parents you asked.
Omg! As a teacher, that pisses me off! Someone like that should not be teaching!
Thank you. It was awful. I had so much stress with her as my teacher that my stutter got so much worse that year. Nobody could really understand me by the end of it and I regressed badly.
I'm so sorry sweetie. Your parents are really failing you right now. This breaks my heart.
Frankly, this is child abuse. And so is what your parents are doing. For crying out loud, you have a disability! Your parents should be ashamed of themselves.
I sympathise. I have a mild speech disability. My parents were (and are) very loving but they kept trying to get me to pronounce particular sounds right and I just didn't have the slightest idea how to do that. It was so frustrating. Luckily I was referred to speech therapy by a preschool teacher, and the speech therapist knew exactly what my tongue and lips needed to be doing. (And yes I was that young but I still remember how frustrating it was).
Your parents are making a mistake. I pushed my autistic child with dysgraphia (didn’t know either at the time) on his challenges with handwriting and all I achieved was a kid with anxiety about anything involving writing. You don’t need the pressure or the critique and worse it sounds like they’re taking other conflicts (your name) and making unnecessary assumptions to mix them with this situation. If I were you I would call Michelle “Mic”. It’s an abbreviation an old friend of mine used because she didn’t like her full name, Michelle. You’re not doing it to be problematic and you are NTA it’s purely practical and if your parents can’t see that then I can only think counseling might help, but it’s pretty obtuse on their part.
Can you move in with your grandparents? It is unhealthy for you to be in that household. They do not acknowledge that you have issues with speech, with pronunciation. Their demands, their refusal to acknowledge who you are , is causing stress and mental health issues. NTA
The 1900s was a wild time for studies. Science and society had progressed far enough for these kinds of studies to be possible, but not far enough for them to be unconscionable.
Honestly, “child abuse” started flashing in my mind as I read this post. OP is NTA, but his parents don’t deserve that title, and I am so angry on his behalf.
Sounds like it was a Watson study, I'm still angry with him about Little Albert and it's been a long time. Poor kid never recovered and I'm pretty sure he died young too.
NTA. I honestly cannot believe your parents would be giving you such a hard time knowing you have a speech issue. If you struggle with shell, it's logical that Michelle would be difficult. Of course stressing over the pronunciation is going to make your stutter worse, not better. As a parent of a kid with speech issues it breaks my heart that they are making this worse for you. It sounds like there is a lot of resentment and hard feelings built up around you not liking your own name. Perhaps that is blinding them to the fact that this isn't about you liking/disliking the name. Either way I'm sorry this is happening. If your parents stick with the name perhaps you can call her Sissy or M. My friend Michelle goes by Michi (pronounced me-chee). I'm sure you can find something that won't make you self conscious every time you try to say her name. Good luck.
Thank you. I'm not sure my parents will be good with a nickname. They want me to get the name right. But a nickname might be my default anyway because I don't know if I'll be able to get Michelle right. And I don't know if they'll stop making it worse. Right now I think it's going to get worse, way worse.
I'm so sorry OP. Perhaps you should suggest family counseling to help resolve all this festering resentment. Or ask to talk to a therapist yourself. It seems like you are dealing with a lot right now and it might help to have someone to talk about things with.
In addition to this, perhaps consulting with a speech therapist would help THE PARENTS and put another person on OP’s side…
I was wondering if they would go for that. Even just asking might show that OP is indeed trying but needs help. Even if it ends up not working, it would be because a professional was unable to help, not because OP isn't trying. Though if they're so upset OP wants to change his name from something that has a really obvious reason why (at least to me), I don't know that they can be trusted to be reasonable on anything. Sheesh. OP is NTA.
Yeah, I wondered that too. What a crap situation for this kid. Agreed on all counts—proving effort, name change, and def NTA.
I'm the older sister with a younger brother. My name starts with a S sound which is hard to say even without issues so he always called me my name without that difficult syllable in it, which was fun because it's not a standard nickname for me so it was special that he was the only one to call me that, even after he got old enough to be able to say it right So pitch it as a special sibling nickname, maybe make one for yourself too
One of the kids I nannied couldn't say my starts-with-s-name, so she settled on Nunu. The whole family adopted the name. I'm in touch with them 30 years on. I'm still Nunu.
My best friend's nickname is Nunu!! It's shortened from her middle name
This, a special nickname from OP, could be a special bond between the two. My sister struggled with certain letters growing up. When she was really young, L was one of her struggles, which happens to be in the middle of my name, so she called me a unique variation that even now is something we lovingly share. OP's parents need to accept speech impediments don't simply go away, but it does make them unique in a special kind of way. Instead of making out as a rebellious act, accept it because it's a special part of what makes up who OP is.
It's almost like they picked a name they knew you'd have a hard time pronouncing on purpose. I'm not sure your parents are on your side in life, generally.
Yeah I would just refuse to say Michelle moving forward. These parents suck. I saw another comment asking if OP can live with their grandparents, and I highly recommend that as well!!
(((Hugs )))) parents sre supposed to support you, not bring you down. A friend of mine is a michelle. Her nickname is mickey.
Mimi is also good. Elle or Ella. I know a Mike even.
I have two cousins named Michelle. One goes my mickey and the other by mikey
Why do I feel like the parents specifically chose a name that they knew OP would have trouble with as retaliation for OP wanting to change their name?
That's what I think happened. But I don't know for sure.
They don't get to decide if you give your sister a nickname. Do it anyway. Your parents are so far gone over this, it can't make it that much worse. Plus, your sister will love it.
I don’t think my older brother has ever called me “Michelle”. It was mostly either Shell or, for whatever reason, Shoo, which then became Old Shoe. Most of my college friends called me Meesh. She will be your baby sister, you’re allowed to give her whatever nickname you want, it’s Sibling Law.
Try Misha for a nickname and tell parents you’re working toward the full name. (Maybe it’ll stick… maybe your grandparents could use it too. Oh well.) (Also, maybe you could go by your middle name and not change your first.)
Maybe tell them you need to go back to speech therapy again?
Deep down I know they won't because they already paid for 7 years of speech therapy for me.
Your parents seem kind of evil. They've known you your whole life, they should understand the sort of sounds you struggle to pronounce. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if they specifically chose that name to belittle you
I would recommend you come up with a nickname that has nothing to do with her actual name, so your parents are less likely to be mad. Kids I use to babysit were nicknamed Bug and Worm, short for Cuddlebug and Wiggle worm. Our ferret was nicknamed Woozel, cause the first thing I said when meeting him was “who’s a cute woozel” Find a cute name that only you call her.
Agree with this! My son had many speech issues/delays and a stutter when he was younger, so he called his big sister Sissy for the first ten years of his life. It was cute so it stuck, and now lots of people call her that, even though he has outgrown the speech issues (through LOTS of speech therapy) and can pronounce her actual name. Your parents are being unnecessarily cruel for something outside your control. NTA, but your parents are. I wish you could go and stay with your grandmother. She gets it.
When I'm speaking to one of my kids about the other, I tend to say "sister" or "brother", i.e. "sister is in her room" instead of their names, don't know why.... But when my son was little he couldn't say "sister". It came out "circle". It was really cute, and stuck for years after he could say it right. I even added a little circle next to the tattoo I have for her.
While it's normally a diminutive of Mikhail/Michael, I think the nicknames Misha or Mishka are quite adorable. I had the cutest little rat named named Mishka. It can also be used to mean a little bear or a teddy bear. Perhaps it would help since the sounds use different mouth shapes than -elle?
My sister Michelle was Mushy for the first 18 years of her life because I couldn't say Shell either. She's Michi now which feels like the grown up version lol.
You parents are really sad people. You lost the lottery with them. Ignore them and call the new baby "Mimi" instead of Michelle. Tell them that Michelle is a French name and that "Mimi" is a known nickname for Michelle. Refuse to play their "say it correctly" games anymore, they seem to get pleasure from belittling you. Maybe go live with your grandparents? NTA Don't let your parents mistreat you again, keep standing up for yourself. No more pronunciation games.
>Maybe go live with your grandparents My suggestion too.
Then when you're 18, change your first name to what you want and your last name to your grandparents' last name.
This! I was going to say go live with your grandparents too. The name Mimi is so cute. This is perfect. Big hugs. My first girl had minor speech lip issues that we mostly worked out. (She didn't have her lips meet for b,p,m but just worked at it and it's mostly ok now). I feel for you. I'm a stickler for pronunciation but I can also see that if a certain sound is an issue like you that it's not something to pressure you about. I'm so sorry they can't see that it's an underlying issue for you. I would have hoped that your parents can see that the sound "shell" is not your fault and their choice of name is actually quite unfortunate and they should have chosen a different name if it's do difficult for you!
Op please read this
Definitelyyyy NTA. This sucks and is ridiculous that you're having to go through this. If your parents had educated themselves even a tiny bit about stutters, they would know full well that yelling at you and stressing you out will make it worse. This might go without saying, but if your parents are this unsupportive with the stutter, there's a good chance they are unsupportive about other things. So it might be worth taking stock of your support system besides them (i.e., the grandparents who stood up for you, friends, other family) and strengthening those relationships as much as possible before the baby comes. There's no chance that they are open to nicknames for Michelle like Ellie, Micky, Mimi, etc. right? I'm sorry that you're even having to deal with this, friend :(
Nope. They told me that I need to say the name right. That I need to do better. They won't let me get away with saying her name badly for the rest of her life.
I would ask them if they were deliberately trying to hurt your relationship with your sister by giving her a name that they knew you couldn’t pronounce and why they’d set you up to fail. They’re the A Hs here not you. You don’t do stuff like that to people you love, especially to your kids.
Ugh, that figures. In that case, I definitely vote that you focus on your wellbeing as much as possible while you navigate this. It is good in terms of your mental health, but also less stress might help the speech stuff anyways. Idk what a support system looks like for you -- weekly zoom w grandparents? talk to school counselor about resources? putting more time into activities you can do outside of the house? staying with neighbors? who knows -- but there is a good chance that things will get more stressful after she is born, so try to build your support system as much as possible!!!
You're not "getting away with" anything, ffs! This is like putting a set of stairs in front of a person in a wheelchair and then yelling themselves when they attempt to get upstairs by pulling themselves up by their arms. I'm sorry but your parents are complete AHs. You are NTA.
Then you need to leave them behind as soon as you're financially able. Make friends through work or the ones you already have. As soon as you start working, get your own bank account and save to move to a shared apartment with friends. Move to your grandparents if possible in the meantime. Talk to your school counselor if you have one. Call your sister whatever works for you. Your parents are worthless.
NTA. Also, how long were you in speech therapy for and how often? It can be a years long process. You are still young and it may be worth looking into starting speech therapy again. My son had many issues with pronunciation and it took six years of speech therapy, twice a week, for him.
I was in speech therapy for 7 years, three times a week for three years and then twice a week for two years, followed by once a week for two more years. I had different speech therapists in that time too.
If you are in the US you should be able to get speech therapy through your school. I saw that you referred to an IEP elsewhere so I'm guessing you are in the US. Talk to your case manager. That's the special education teacher who oversees your IEP. If you don't know who that is, ask your guidance counselor, an administrator, or even just a teacher that you get along with well.
NTA Your parents know that you can't pronounce certain sounds well and have chosen a name that you can't pronounce. If you have trouble with "chelle", it's in no way your fault and it's not that serious, I don't understand why it provokes such a reaction in them.
I really think they're taking this worse than ever because of my feelings on my own name. It made them angry and resentful. I hate it because I feel like I got overall worse in my speech since they started getting annoyed with me.
My guess: they feel like you wanting a different name = criticizing their parenting and they're punishing you for it. It wouldn't be surprising either if they're insecure about having another baby after 16 years & are projecting those insecurities onto you.
I know you don’t want to think this about your parents, but after reading your comments, it seems like they chose a name they knew you wouldn’t be able to pronounce *on purpose,* as a punishment for wanting to change your name. It’s a win-win for them. Either you’re never going to be able to pronounce it correctly and they get to be angry/frustrated with you forever or, if by some miracle you do manage to say it correctly, they get to say you were mispronouncing it intentionally, which would justify their anger/frustration (in their minds, at least). I don’t know what your parents were like before this, but their purposeful creation of this scenario is abusive and is likely to get worse. NTA. Keep your grandparents in the loop of what’s happening. Talk to your guidance counselor and/or another trusted adult. A friend’s parents, maybe? You need more (adult) advocates since it sounds like your parents aren’t listening to your grandparents.
I’m seriously wondering if they’re trying to push him away.
My mind went there as well.
Same
NTA. It's weird they accuse you of this if your speech is impeded. I'm sure you can change your name legally by yourself when you're able to do so.
It is. You'd think after all the money they spent on speech therapy for me that they'd get it. I think me wanting to change my name set off a chain reaction of resentment that I can't undo, even if I'd love to. It's made them way less understanding of me and my speech. Other stuff bugs them more than it used to.
It’s like they took it weirdly personally. They need to grow up, and be better. I’m sorry your parents lack empathy and are being so cruel to you.
OP should make it more personal by reminding them that he’s got an impediment due to their own genes.. 😂
Perhaps because they know darn well they are abusive failures as parents.
NTA your parents seem extremely ableist and like they don't like you much. Which is horrible and I'm sorry you are in this position at home.
NTA. Geez, Do they not understand how stutters work? They are creating a fantasy that you are resenting their new daughter as well as your name now, and it's only going to get worse. The baby's not even here yet and she's already the golden child. Ask your grandparents again for them to intercede. Your parents are being abusive to you. You could also speak to a counselor or teacher at school. Maybe ask for more speech therapy - mostly just to get the therapist to tell your parents to back the F off you.
NTA. Try singing her name. The brain uses different regions for speech and singing and using music can be a useful tool. My husbands favorite example is Cannonball Run where the 2 guys are in a car and the hood flips up. The actor (I can't recall his name) had a significant stutter and when doing that scene to get the line out he actually sings "I can't see can you?" to which his passenger also singsongs "No I can't little buddy"
The actor was Mel Tillis. A singer, actually. His stutter was real, but it disappeared when he sang. OP, here is an idea. There is a song “Michelle” by the Beatles. It is quite lovely. Could you download it and try singing along? Singing “Michelle, ma belle” to the baby sounds heartbreakingly beautiful to me.
The stutter and the inability to pronounce certain speech sounds are two different things.
Making music is different than speaking though. Alzheimer’s patients who can no longer speak coherently will recognize familiar music and sing along. Who knows?
Well, if the difficulty with pronouncing the speech sounds is an oral motor problem, which seems likely, and not a problem with speech fluency, like the stutter, it is very probably not going to go away with trying to sing. You still have to perform the correct muscle movements with your mouth and tongue to make the sounds whether you are singing them or not.
I will admit that my info is anecdotal and not research based, but I spent 40 years in an elder care adjacent profession. I have seen this phenomena many times. My husband (who was a music teacher) has Alzheimer’s and aphasia can still sing beautifully.
as someone who learned English by listening to their songs, I second this suggestion.
I wouldn’t try singing it, because OP’s parents sound like the type to hear OP sing the name correctly and take it as “proof” that they’re right and OP is doing it on purpose. Which would likely make it worse.
It's actually well known that many people who stutter when they talk don't when they sing because the two processes use different parts of the brain. Harrison Craig on The Voice Australia is a good recent example. The man has an absolutely incredible singing voice. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgflbGzlCeY](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kgflbGzlCeY)
I’m not doubting that it’s true- I’m just doubting the parents actually taking that into consideration. Especially when they already know their kid has a stutter, yet still somehow think the kids doing it on purpose. They strike me as the type to just take it as them being “right”.
The parents few years later: why our son is no contact with us :<<<
As sad as it sounds, maybe the endgame for OP's parents is cutting contact with him.
NTA. I mean if you're serious that you cannot say it due to personal restrictions, then you cannot be the asshole since the situation is beyond your control.
NTA. They're being cruel. Tell them when you have your first child, they'll have to do a seven-foot high jump before they can meet her, with ankle weights, and if they can't then clearly that's an intentional insult to you and you won't have contact with them until they try harder and do better.
Dude, from one Dick to another own it. Going by Dick will probably piss them off but what can they do it’s the common short for your name.
Why does it have to be Dick? Why not go by Rick? That sounds way more logical as a nickname than Dick. Same with Bill & Will for William. I never get why Bill is short for William.
And why the hell is Bob short for Robert when Rob is right there? The answer is various linguistic traditions
Talk to someone at your school. Tell them that you need continued speech therapy and that your parents not only refuse to get it, they ridicule and try to humiliate you for saying things wrong. This is verbal, emotional and psychological abuse and someone needs to intervene on your behalf. If the school won’t do it directly, then they need to alert CPS. If you don’t want to wait for school to start, contact CPS yourself.
Also you are still in school and can likely qualify for an IEP for speech therapy at school.
NTA I think family counseling would be a good idea. Give you and your parents a controlled environment for you to explain yourself and the hurt they are causing you, without your parents brushing it off in anger. If the situation doesn't get better you may wanna consider staying with friends or family for a bit. If it's stressed you out to the point of your speech worsening overall I just don't think it's a good idea to stay in such a stressful environment. If any of this affects your performance at school I hope you have a councillor or teachers that you can rely on for help with your disability, please reach out to them. Also give your baby sister a nickname that's easier for you to pronounce! Something like Michi or Mimi would be cute and still acknowledges her name.
NTA. Your parents are horrible people who have not provided you with the support you need to be a success in life. Im so glad you have your grandparents. Talk to them about possibly moving in when you are able to.
Yes, it sounds like they took him to speech therapy... For a bit. And now just expect him to cure himself.
NTA I used to have problems with the sh sound as well When you are not around your parents work on saying the word shit. I have seen Michelle written in 10 different ways Sometimes easier doing Me-c-hell It was how I learned to say my name
What horrible parents you have. Everyone knows that pressure makes a stammer worse. They can choose whatever name they want but if they chose one you cannot pronounce they need to accept you cannot say it. NTA
NTA but your parents are AH's and being emotionally abusive to you over this. Next time they say something respond with " thanks for emotionally abusing me over something I can't control, really shows you love me!"
Your parents aren't going to have an easier time with their do over kid because it will still be them being the parents. NTA.
If I treated my daughter that way in front of her speech therapist, she'd rip me a new one. I second the nickname advice. Your baby sibling probably won't be able to say Richard correctly for a while. You can give each other nicknames. She'll love it. To hell with your mom. Her behavior is outrageous. A massive NTA from a mom of a stutterer.
Why can't they let you call your sister Micky? Would that be easier for you? NTA.
I don't know about your relationship with your parents, but if this is possible, maybe next time they start giving you a hard time about saying Michelle, say, " Why do you keep making fun of me? " Turn it around on them. Ask things like that, or why do they keep bullying you? Did they deliberately choose a name you couldn't say to punish you? NTA. Your parents ARE bullying you. They are being mean.
NTA. Just call her Mimi. Perfectly good nickname for Michelle.
My youngest has dyspraxia. Mainly the speech delay. We finally got her into some proper speech therapy. Would your grandparents be willing to help you get some speech therapy, to help you. I don’t want to suggest your parents I don’t think the would be willing, the way they are treating you says a lot. Nta
NTA. I know people whose parents have accents and struggle to pronounce their own children's names, that they gave them. Not being able to say a name is not a character flaw. Also, if you didn't like the name, that would also be okay. My petty move would be to get a doctors note explaining that I am excused from saying the name due to a disability. Like as formal as possible to show your parents how ridiculous they are being. A less petty idea– if you are artistic, you could make an artwork of her name for her room (even if you are not artistic, you could make something beautiful using Canva or something similar). That might help you show your parents that you think it is a beautiful name, even if you struggle to pronounce it. (Also, Michelle isn't that "traditional"– if you are from the US, it did not enter the most popular 1000 names until the late 30s and peaked in the 60s/70s.)
NTA - your parents are being cruel to you. You need to see your speech therapist and have them tell your parents they are idiots. My parents told me when they were trying to decide what to call me there were a couple of names they were considering but decided to choose the one without "s" in it as my last name has an "s" and they were concerned it would be difficult if I had a speech impediment - I don't but they thought about names and possible issues before naming us kids.
I had a similar problem for a while. I could say things correctly, but once, out of maybe 50 attempts. My parents were, likewise, extremely hard on me. They construed my continued mispronunciation of a relative's name as indicative of disrespect. Basically, the whole thing was gonna make me kill myself. So I started recording messages to her. In private, I could pronounced her name with far, far, far more fluency. And I've always been quick to wield my phone -- an advantage my parents don't have! And even they were pretty delighted that I have a machine that proved I cared about addressing my aunt, in a way she felt flattered by! Maybe you could do something like this! x Keep heart x
NTA but I can't help but feel like they set you up on purpose for whatever reason. You are a minor who went to speech therapy so they *know* about your issues quite well and yet chose a name that they *know* you cannot say correctly and then make you feel horrible about it. This sounds wrong on so many levels. Ngl, they sound cruel.
NTA. And as someone with hardcore speech issues due to hearing loss, your parents' behavior is absolute bullshit. I'm more concerned about the 16 year gap between you and your soon-to-be sister. I am absolutely NOT judging their decision to have another child, but you do know they will expect you to stay home and be the permanent babysitter? You need to be making plans to move, soon. Talk to your grandparents - they sound like reasonable people, based on your description. And I seriously doubt your sister will grow up traumatized because her brother, who has a legitimate speech impediment, has trouble with certain letters and sounds. Give me a break. I'm sure the two of you will be just fine together as she grows up, but your parents are toxic and you need to leave.
Ohmygosh fuck them. Seriously. What shitty parents. I hope you show them this post. NTA
Nta, make a nickname for her you can say. Your parents are being horrible and ableist. They know you struggle and can love the name all they want, you can make a nickname that is just for the two of you. Also I get wanting to change the name, the common nickname isn't always nice
Your parents are behaving very badly indeed. I'll bet you can't wait to get out of there for college in two years, where I swear it will get better. (You will probably also find better speech therapy there if that's something you desire.) I would suggest that you call the baby "Baby." I can think of a lot of things you could call your parents but I don't want to swear in front of a 16 year old, so I'll leave it alone. I think you should come up with few sentences on the order of, "You're being ridiculous and you know it." Or maybe, "You picked a name you knew I couldn't pronounce. What did you think would happen? Is there a nickname you'd like me to call her." Then be prepared to repeat them a lot. If they come up with "Shelly," as the nickname of choice, you might want to get yourself into therapy just to have some sympathetic adult support in the face of some truly bizarre meanness. NTA
NTAH in my opinion if you’ve always had a stuttering problem, they would know that this type of stress would increasingly affect your stutter. It’s a known fact for people that Sutter. plus you’re only 16. I would suggest more speech therapy and stress reduction. That’s all you can do at this time. It’s obvious that you are being resented that you wanted liking your own name. You have a right to change your name. Once you’re 18 it doesn’t matter. Your mother is pregnant and being insensitive or over sensitive. If your father supporting it then it’s even worse. There should be a point where they should stick up for you. Why would want to stutter on purpose is a question.? You don’t!… That pressure to perform a name correctly has nothing to do with you intentionally. They picked the name. Keep going to speech therapy and they’ll need to deal with it. Ps I wouldn’t want to be called Richard either 😑
Next time they start bitching, remind them they gave you those genes
NTA. My aunt has what seems like a fairly simple name but growing up the younger kids had a hard time with part of it. The L near the middle was very hard. She never minded of course but when I named my own kids I remembered that and tried to be considerate of names that would be complicated for someone to pronounce. Obviously everyone's speech is different but still. My oldest has also had speech therapy for years as well. It seems as though your parents would be well aware of the parts that give you trouble and went with that name anyway. Them harping on you and making you anxious about it will only make it worse.
I’d just start referring to her as Mimi. Your parents won’t like it but it can’t be any worse than what they are putting you through now.
NTA. Your parents are idiots. The more stress they put you under about this the worse your stutter is going to be. I'm sorry they're being so inconsiderate of you OP
I’m sorry your parents are assholes. My parents teased me for having a lisp when I was little. One of many many reasons I no longer speak to them very much.
NTA. My FIL has a stutter and couldn't say the first name we picked for our kid. We picked another name because it would have been a jerk move not to especially when no birth certificate had been filed yet. I'd find a nickname you can say (Mimi?) and go with that.
One of my best friends growing up had a severe speech impediment. Stress and difficult words absolutely made it way way worse, to the point where he'd just feel too ashamed to speak and would go days sometimes just because of how difficult it could be for him, he had even contemplated some very very dark things because he'd felt like a failure for not being able to speak the way his parents or I could. Your Parents deliberately making it hard on you and being mean about it not only doesn't help but it's a abusive. My friend thrived and improved when he was given patience, kindness and simple therapy. There's no stressing something like this, it's not something you just push through and shame on your parents for thinking this is just something you can force. You need help. You need a speech therapist and gentle guidance. Your parents force and anger are abusive and imo there's a special place in hell for people who get abusive or mock those who have speech impediments. Forcing you will have the opposite effects and that's not something you can help. It goes without saying but please don't take anything they're saying to heart. Your maternal grandparents are right. My best friend absolutely thrived in a safe and gentle environment where he could learn at his own pace and even then he struggled with mental health issues, the few people who did get upset with him or would get impatient made it so much worse for him but he never ever ever deserved to be treated that way. Take your time with this, screw your parents for not caring enough to try and help their own son and find your own pace, there's definitely resources and help out there and seeing a regular therapist and a specialist can be a huge huge Boon so I hope you get that chance. You're not alone. You're not bad or wrong or broken, this something you can overcome with time and patience and don't ever let anyone make you feel like you're somehow not as good or as smart just because you can't talk like them. It has nothing to do with that.
NTA. Your parents are making it hard in ways that are really appalling. If they were more reasonable, I'd suggest talking to them about how you feel and together coming up with a special nickname for you to call your baby sister that can be a celebration of a future bond and something more comfortable for you to pronounce (like Michi, Mimi, Elle, Mika, etc. depending on what is easiest for you to say). They sure don't sound that reasonable though. It's sad because the beauty of the name they picked is that there are so many wonderful nicknames that can be made out of it and it is easy for a child given that name to therefore find a version that fits them. So, really, a good nickname (if your parents were more reasonable people) would be a compliment to their taste. Instead, since they aren't that reasonable. I suggest you look at what your plan is to get out of their house as soon as you are an adult and to be self-reliant sooner rather than later. Focus on that plan. Also consider how you will try, if possible and wanted by you, to maintain a relationship with your new sister even if you have to set some strict boundaries with your parents and/or set limits on how often you engage with them. If this is how they treat you now, that poor girl is going to have an equally rough time, especially because it's going to quickly become apparent to them when she also starts to struggle with their unreasonable parenting and/or assert her own identity, that they are the problem. Which is going to make their own insecurities about how they are as parents and their fears that they will be "undermined" even worse. I'm so sorry you're in this position.
NTA at all OP! I am a little surprised that they are still going with that name (and not exploring other options) knowing that you can’t pronounce it. I have definitely heard of other cases where parents were stuck between two names and chose the one that siblings could say better!
NTA. They are intentionally and repeatedly triggering your stutter and then punishing you for having it. I would consider this pretty intolerable. Can you stay with your grandparents? When you're an adult, maybe consider changing your last name, too, if you feel like being petty.
I think your parents are shits for choosing a name they KNOW you can't pronounce. I'm sorry you are going through this. Can you move in with your maternal grandparents. Obviously a huge NTA. Please accept this stranger's virtual hug and best wishes.
This ableist bullshit is borderline verbal abuse. It honestly makes me wonder if they chose that name specifically to be able to punish you for not being able to say it. Move to your grandparent's house if they're okay with it. This behavior from your own parents is the same behavior that leads kids your age to self-harm and worse. NTA.
NTA. I'm sorry that your parents are being unreasonable and cruel.
It's the nuclear option, but you can warn them that they'll never hear you say anything again if they keep it up.
Oh god i feel you. I have a speech impediment myself ( I can't pronounce hard R and I'm a spanish speaker so it's a really common sound) and if my parents had named my brother something I couldn't say, I would have been SO MAD. NTA they are completely.
Well, the internet grants you permission to call the new addition, Mimi.
Hey! that's my dad's name! He doesn't like it either. Goes by his middle name. NTA They are being ridiculous.
Maybe give her a cute nick name, that avoids the chell part? Like Michi..
NTA And also NTA for wanting to change you name either. This may not be the case and it would not matter whether it was or not but I imagine if the “chell” in Michelle is hard to pronounce then the “chard” in Richard might have the same pronunciation difficulty. And not that you need a reason not to like a name but if that is the reason, then your parents are definitely TA for not understanding that and not understanding why it’s hard to say your sister’s name. I couldn’t imagine going through my whole life, not being able to say my own name without concentration. If that were the case. I really hope it’s not.
NTA and as the mom of a bright boy with speech issues, i am so sorry you are going through this. i get so defensive when people comment on my child not pronouncing things correctly because i know it isn't his fault and it stresses him out when people are unable to understand him. he didn't call me "mom" until he was four and i cried for hours when he finally did. i cannot believe what your parents are putting you through and it is the reason why i refuse to have any more children because i owe my attention and care to my child with a disability. i hope things get better for you, take one thing at a time and i'm glad you have your grandparents on your corner.
Absolutely NTA. I'm so sorry hun, you don't deserve this. Honestly, it sounds like your grandparents are really supportive - do you have the option of going to live with them? Sounds like it would be a much better environment for you to be in.
u, buddy, r NTA. if anything ur parents r the AH’s. they know u have had this issue for YEARS, and they should also know u don’t do well under pressure! ur their son, and they should support u no matter what! i don’t understand y it’s such a big issue. personally i would have lashed out at them, so kudos to u for staying strong!
NTA but you NEED to still be in speech therapy
NTA - I remember a namenerds post not too long ago from a mom who had a speech delayed toddler. They could only say certain sounds and this mom was looking for name suggestions because her priority was that the big sister be able to say the name. The idea of purposefully using a name you can’t pronounce and then getting mad at you is so cruel. Your parents shouldn’t treat you that way, they should love you unconditionally.
NTA I'm sorry you even had to wonder about that. It's your parents. Have you checked out r/raisedbynarcissists? If not check it out see if anything jibes.
NTA, and I'm really sorry your parents can see how manipulative and abusive they're being. They had you in speech therapy (at least for a while), so it's not like they don't know the issues you have. I think you're probably right, and they're angry that you want to change your name, so they'retrying to punish you. Unfortunately, just because they are legally adults, doesn't mean they have the emotional maturity of adults. There's a lot of great suggestions on this post, so I won't go over them again, but it sounds like your grandparents are understanding and empathetic, so I would keep them in the loop on the situation at home, and continue to lean on them for support until you can remove yourself from the situation. Not the same, but when my sister was learning to talk, she had difficulty pronouncing the first part of my name, so it got shortened. (Actually, most kids have issues with it.) One nickname led to another, and has rarely used my actual name in 30+ years. And I use one of my many nicknames for her. It can be great bonding for siblings and something special that you share.
NTA. As someone who has a problem with stumbling and stuttering over words, still have a rough time with words like "regular" or "rottweiler" and i know how frustrating it can be and it being your own parents who KNOW you have a speech issue, thats just so annoying.
Next time your parents give you a hard time tell them it's not your fault they're ablist assholes. They knew you had this disability even though it's minor and they decided on a name your disability prevents you from pronouncing correctly. It's like blaming any disabled person for the quirks of their disability. I'm dyslexic one of the things my disability does is prevent me from hearing the difference between similar sounds.... It means I will sometimes pronounce things 'wrong' especially if it happens to a different language where the letter will make different sounds then the way my brain has been wired to associate that letter with that sound. People are free to make a big deal out of my pronouncing something wrong.... But it only makes them the asshole. I say this because well it's not a stutter I can totally empathize with how it feels to be shit on for something you can't help and can't fix.
NTA I had a horrible stutter as a kid, mainly when I got scared or really excited. Luckily it barely comes out now... I don't know if going back might help you but it's also worth asking about. Because of this.. no you are not the asshole. You have a literal impediment. What is wrong with your parents?! Is there a nickname you can call her? can you say misha? or elle? or elly? It's just cruel of them to choose a name that they should know you cannot say. Your parents are children. I'm sorry.
NTA. I know you don’t want to lose your parents over this, but they do not care about your own well being and are failing you as parents. It took me years to accept that my mom was toxic for me and that I needed boundaries and distance. I am currently NC with her and I am at peace. She never cared about me, she only used me to stoke her own ego.
Jesus your parents sound excruciatingly dumb. Sorry you landed with them man. You're not a butt hole, not at all.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16m) have speech issues. I have a stutter and I also have trouble making certain sounds as well. I did speech therapy when I was younger and I'm better than I was but still can't say some things correctly. I was my parents only child until now. My mom is pregnant with my baby sister. And they chose her name which is something I can't say correctly. The name is Michelle. I have a lot of trouble with the chell part and I don't say words like shell right either. My parents are really frustrated by it and they are saying I'm doing it intentionally because I don't like the fact it's a traditional name. They used the fact I want to change my name to say I'm being intentionally difficult. It hurts. They know I always struggled with this but now it's a great big issue. My stutter got worse because of the stress of my parents and now the name sounds even worse out of my mouth which angers them more. But I'm not doing it intentionally. I worked so hard for so long on the sounds. My (maternal) grandparents spoke in my defense but mom told them to shut up and said they were encouraging me. She was already pissed because they offered to pay for me to change my name. My mom said it was so wrong and this was just another way for them to undermine her and my dad as my parents. This led to me telling my parents it's unfair for them to blame me for saying the name wrong. I said it when they got on me again for how I was saying the name. They keep making me repeat it so I get it right. But I get worse because the pressure makes my stutter so bad. My parents told me I shouldn't talk to them about fair when I keep shitting on the names they love. Which I don't. I never said anything about Michelle and I regret telling them I hate my name and want something different (my name is Richard). AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but why no call the baby mimi when its birn, something cute, a nickname that is part of her real name. Your parents are veing ridiculous, you ha e a speech issue, they need to let it go.
Perhaps you and your sister will come up with a unique way to say it. And only you two. It will bond you. Until then, I’m sorry you’re going through this. Peace 🕊️. Forgot to add: NTA I also had to have speech for a couple of years, because I couldn’t say my Rs. I don’t remember anyone picking on me for it. Your parents are as$&6! You could call them out on it, but that’s a you decision.
OP, how does the word ‘shell’ come out when you say it? I read that you were having an issue with that part. I hope you do not mind me asking. My older son struggled with sounds. He had to learn names by saying the syllables slowly until he could put it together. For example, he would say ‘me’ pause ‘sh’ pause ‘el’ until he could get it all together correctly.