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NTA and your mom's BF is a creepy asshole if he's denying a 17yo girl privacy in her own bedroom.
EDIT: @OP please stay safe and either get out early, or have someone you trust there with you while you are moving your things out (maybe the friend you are moving in with?). I don't think you can trust your mom's BF, and it doesn't seem likely she'll protect you from him either in the worst case scenarios.
This was my first thought. My second was they shouldn’t have to kick you out because you should be running from there. Your mom —who should see MAJOR red flags with the no door thing— and her bf are so toxic there have been B SciFi movies made about them.
To answer your original question though, no. NTA. It sounds like your bra and underwear aren’t anything that hasn’t been seen on a women’s soccer field and far more modest than many bathing suits PLUS you are keeping out of view (as far as you know, but check the room for cameras from creepy bf).
Also, daughter (and possibly her siblings) would be eligible for SS survivor's benefits, so she is actually contributing to the household budget. When the money stops (when she's 18), she's being told to leave.
Certainly not admirable parenting traits to my thinking.
Make sure mommy isn’t keeping the money “for” her daughter after she turns 18. Many parents have lied in the past to collect the benefits and kicked the kid out.
This. My dad died when I was 13 and my mom was collecting 1100 dollars a month for me and my sister and we never knew a thing (or saw a dime) about it. When I turned 18 and was still in school the checks started coming to me automatically and my mom was furious she could no longer cash them herself.
I got the benefits until I graduated high school and left for boot camp. I was 18 when my mom passed, but still in school. Well, my dad got the check, but I had everything I needed.
Which brings the perfect answer to creepy BF that she’s not “contributing to mortgage”; A retort containing:
- It’s supposed to be childhood, and
- government giving money to help isn’t that contributing in her behalf.
It doesn't matter if he contributes or not. Respect is earned, and a minor has a right to their privacy.
Boyfriend is an abusive asshole, per the post.
I mean, going by the post op’s mom has been at least verbally abusive for op’s whole life… so to op’s mom bfs behaviour probably isn’t a red flag since it’s directed at someone she was already abusing
The bf is creepy. I don’t understand how you can deny a teenager a door to their bedroom. What if they need to change and stuff? They are entitled to some privacy.
Let's also talk about the mother. The mother who has been calling her child OP a bitch and other bad names since the child OP was a toddler. The mother who was the one who first got mad at OP about not getting downstairs quick enough. The mother who lets this bf into her home. I come from abusive parents and I can guess that OP hasn't told us the majority of the abusive stuff that her mom has done to her through the years because OP probably doesn't even realize it (when they start abusing you in toddlerhood or before, you don't realize it's abuse.)
Yikes.
OP: please be very careful and protect yourself. Your mom's boyfriend may try to assault you (or worse) once you turn 18 since you'll be a legal adult.
Wishing you the very best. It will be very hard to suddenly be on your own the day you are 18, but it will be better for you in the long run to get away from your vile mother and her bf. I hope you have a good support system and access to resources that can help you.
My moms partner did the same thing last year when I was 16, all because I didn’t do the dishes (I was getting ready for work and was already running late). Safe to say I got out of that house as fast as possible
This is straight up abuse honestly. I was incensed at the first red flag in this post but then it just kept compounding.
OP: Please know this isn’t normal. I really hope you get out safe — you deserve so much better.
Honestly just call the Sherriff, make a plan and move out BEFORE your 18th. Explain you need help safely moving out because XYZ, set a time and schedule it (they may also give you other resources if you're struggling to figure it out, my county theyd hook you up with a social worker and be willing patrol more closely to your home in the meantime) that's what they are there for, as must as I dislike and distrust LEOs of any type the Sherrifs have (ime) been more reasonable and all the deputy's I've known would much rather supervise than deal with a dangerous abusive domestic call, plus the dude is sus and I'm sure they'd love an excuse to jam him up.
The closer you are to 18 the closer you bet ur ass they are going to ratcher up the abuse. I would sleep with a knife under my pillow and set up a warning "trap" like something small on the floor so if someone is creeping u will be alerted. Or buy a small motion sensor alarm on amazon and use that they are prty cheap
Good luck hope u see this
I’m thinking the creepy asshole is the mother for:
Making a huge deal about daughter being in her underwear in her own room and having boyfriend chime in once he heard the common
Not caring creepy boyfriend took door out
Kicking daughter out at 18
Letting BF talk to her daughter like that
Your "parents" are vile human beings all the way around. As soon as you move out, go NC immediately. You're young and just starting out in life- you don't need those two cancerous tumors disguised as people dragging you down.
NTA.
Any parents who kick out a kid the moment they turn 18 and they're not legally required to house them is a bad parent (I guess, unless the kid has been abusive to their siblings or something, but that doesn't seem to be the case).
OP, as much as your mother's boyfriend is an AH, the real problem here is the woman who lets her teenage daughter have her privacy taken from her by a grown man who lives in her house. As this commenter says, go NC as soon as possible, and don't look back. Your mother will probably come crying once this relationship ends, but I'd be wary of her, given how she's allowing you to be treated.
Once OP is 18 no more money coming in, so mama doesn't see a need to house her anymore. I also think in the back of Mama's head she is thinking the same thing we all are, her daughter will be legal & her Bf is a CREEP...Time to kick out the Competition (as her toxic mind would see it) as sick as that sounds that is Exactly what would be going thru her mind & Unfortunately I think Gross bf has had a plan this whole time..YUCK!!! Be So Careful Darlin & Get Out Of There Safely
I know we haven't seen clear indications about the mother seeing her as competition and the boyfriend being a creep, but I had these thoughts as well. Your mother's boyfriend removing your bedroom door has to be a warning sign. The mother not stopping this sort of thing from happening is also a warning sign.
OP, I'm sorry this is happening, it's horrible. As I said, if she comes crawling once she and horrible boyfriend break up, be very cautious on this.
NTA. If this is true that you’re being kicked out at 18 then it’s a best case scenario. You need to run as fucking far as you can from these people. Do not allow them to contact you ever again.
Be sure you have all of your legal documents with you- birth certificate, social security card, ID, passport if you have one.
Do a credit report search on yourself now- make sure your parents have not used your social security number to get loans or create any debts under your name. You want to make sure you’re starting off in adulthood with a clean slate. If you find anything, it’s identity theft, take it to the police.
Make sure they have no trackers on your phone, and have no access to any email, banking, etc.
My mother drained my bank account without telling me and caused me to overdraw several times because I have a gym membership with auto-renewal. I think she's already had a part in tanking my credit. I don't know if this will carry over when I'm 18 because I plan on opening an entire new bank account but I hope it hasn't killed my credit (when I get a credit card).
Definitely take that to the police if you can, like the other person said that's identity theft and having bad credit in the current economy makes things waaaaay hard. I know the thought is probably scary as hell, but in the long run it should help (if the police in your area are capable of doing their jobs)
Listen to this OP! Your mother may well be legally liable depending on what she's done, and it's way easier to get issues cleared up if you have proof someone stole your identity.
Yup. If somebody has all of your personal information, like say a parent does, they can open an account in your name. They could either trick you into signing a document OR forge it themselves and fully tank your score before you’re 18. It happens way more than you think.
What the ...
In the UK you can't get any credit facilities until you're 18.
How does credit work in the US? What age is the minimum age you can get credit? And how are they legally responsible for it if you're under 18 and too young to enter into a contract?
That's one of the reasons its fraud. They're not just illegally using another's credit, they've fraudulently opened a line of credit with their social security number, often falsifying some detail or another.
It wouldn't be identity theft if it is a joint account between OP and their mom (which is common for youth bank accounts). It would still be a really messed up violation of trust, but not illegal if mom's name is also on the account. If the account is solely in OP's name and her account was drained, then she should absolutely take this to the police once she has safely moved out.
I don't know about your legislation exactly, but in general, do not assume that old problems go away by just moving on. You need to actively take care of stuff.
In this case, opening a new bank account will not make debts on an old one go away, and you should absolutely follow the other posters advice, run a check and contest anything you find. You might also report / threaten to report the money your mother withdrew.
NTA, I hope you have a plan for the future.
Don’t threaten to report the money your mother withdrew (STOLE), actually report it, and report it silently. Don’t tell your mom you’re reporting it. And ideally do it after you’ve left if that would be safer for you. Let the consequences come as a surprise to her, when you’re already safe.
> Don’t threaten to report the money your mother withdrew (STOLE), actually report it, and report it silently.
Bank accounts for minors in the US are usually joint accounts with a parent or guardian. From the bank's point of view the money can be withdrawn by either account holder, so there's unfortunately nothing to report.
Exactly what I was going to comment. I actually lived this with my own mother. We opened up a bank account when I got my first job and her name was required to be on it as a joint account, as I was a minor. She proceeded to drain every dime I ever made (saying I owed her for food, shelter etc) and in the eyes of the system, she didn’t do anything wrong. When she filed for bankruptcy, my account was also frozen. She proceeded to steal my identity when I was 18, taking out multiple credit cards in my name. When I did a credit check and found out, my parents gaslit me into believing they were doing it for my benefit. I was young and didn’t understand quite how the real world worked, so I believed them.
Also check whether or not there are any binding contracts in your name, and if the laws in your county/state/country of residence allow for people under 18 to make binding contracts.
If your mum has misrepresented you as being 18 or over at the time the contracts were created, there's solid evidence right there of fraud, let alone anything else.
Do be active in following this up. Do look for and get competent counsel that is willing to assist. You may need to through an organisation that does volunteer or pro bono work.
My friend's mom did this kind of thing. You really do need to call one of the big credit unions (sometimes more than one) and hash it out with them.
That said, it wasn't too difficult for my friend. The convo boiled down to: "Are you sure you didn't open this credit card?" "Yes, I was ten years old." "Oh. Let's get this off your credit score then." She did wish she'd done it earlier, though.
Edit: I meant credit bureaus! I was exhausted last night and my partner has been applying for jobs at credit unions lol
Just to add something useful I guess, I'll also say that while it's awful that so many parents do this to their kids...the up side is that the credit *bureaus* have dealt with this kind of thing plenty of times and it really is something that they give a shit about fixing. Plus, if you need additional help or info, there's plenty of advice online from folks who have unfortunately been through the same thing.
Just so OP knows what to search on, that's credit bureau, the ones who put together credit reports and credit scores. A credit union is a different thing (pretty much a bank).
You have to go to the bank as soon as you are 18 and close down that account, physically, if you have to.
Open an account at a DIFFERENT bank or Credit Union, (not just a different branch of the same bank,) so your mom can’t talk her way into accessing it.
Your mother sounds like a vile human being. Dude I would start squirreling away and get away as soon as possible and never talk to them again. Just be aware of who you surround yourself with. A lot of nasty people out there, and unfortunately when you grow up with nasty people, you sometimes fall back in with others because that's what a person is accustomed to even though they might not even want to or realize it. When I read stories like yours it pains me that there are parents out there tormenting and taking advantage of their own children.
OP, BE SURE you take your Social Security card with you when you leave your mother’s house. Also, any other important legal documents in your name such as income tax, if you have ever paid it.
NTA.
Also.
The numbers on those documents, she may have them written or saved somewhere.
Regular checks with credit.
Probably best to move different town, so that if an account get opened, you can argue that your address isn’t around there with proof (e.g. electricity bills, rental lease contract)
>the numbers on those documents, she may have them written or saved somewhere.
This won’t really matter assuming mom has been claiming OP as a dependent every year, because claiming dependents require their SSN, so mom likely already has that info saved on her older tax forms. The most important items are the social security card & birth certificate.
A new bank account without her on it will help, but you definitely need to check your credit, as minors can not legally enter into a contract and have things put in their name before 18. My own N did this to me and had SEVERAL bills in my name then just walked away from them when she couldn't pay them because they weren't in her name. I only found out after I turned 18 and tried to get a loan for a car and was denied due to bad credit. I didn't know at the time but I could have contested everything as fraudulent and identity theft. I just waited for years for it to drop off. You should check and make sure there is nothing on your credit now, and make sure you contest anything that shows up. As someone else said bad credit in this economy is the pits!
Okay so if you need to up your credit know that with your new bank (I would change banks entirely not just a new account) you can get a credit card that you back with your own money. Put 100 towards it and thats your spending limit. Eventually you can upgrade to a real credit card which is better for credit building. It's good to have 1 short term and 1 long term credit to boost your credit the fastest.
This can look like that little $100 cc that you basically only put gas on. Or your phone bill. Or gym membership. Something small you will be paying off every month anyway. Pay it every time that auto renew comes through. Never spend more than half of your limit because it helps boost your score more quickly because spending less than 1/2 of your spending limit shows you're not blowing through your limit.
Long term credit can look like buying a new mattress with affirm or when you need a phone with your phone company you pay that off with long term credit or if you have a car payment. Whatever it is. Something you'll pay off in over a year.
Really its best to have 2 short term and 1 long term but only when you know you can pay them off.
I used to work at a bank and now have almost 800 credit score when it was not great a few years ago. Most that score was done in the first year. Im not 100% but I believe there's ways to dispute if people put things in your name before 18 but its a lot of paperwork so im hoping that's not a problem for you.
Good luck 💜
Have you checked your credit? Doing a search for free annual credit reports turns up too many spoof sites. I would suggest going through the ftc.gov website to get started with a free annual credit report. The report will also list any accounts opened in your name
Might wanna do that regularly as an adult
That way if anything you don't recognize pops up, you can spot it quickly and hopefully fight it before it becomes a big huge headache
Wow, this is great advice.
OP - please listen to this. And I’m rooting for you. I’m glad you’re getting out of that situation, but my heart is breaking that you have to deal with this one more minute.
You are obvious smart and capable and you will find your people one day. You are lovable and worth being treated gently and with kindness and love.
Seriously consider the Air Force- but congrats on your scholarships and focus towards college.
I don't think they can actually legally kick me out because when I become 18 I become a tenant, and they hve to give me thirty days. I don't want to fight that legally, but they told me that all of my stuff and I have to be out by Tuesday yet they aren't letting me move any boxes out. I also cannot move all my boxes in one trip because I have no trunk space in my car. This is a difficult battle
Take your legal documents and the most important things to you in the FIRST trip. I feel like some of your things might not be there when you get back for them on the second trip.
Also if you can get your friends to all meet up at the same time and pile all your belongings into all of their cars... you'll be done in one go? <3
I wish you all the best OP.
NTA, but if you have already been notified that you are expected to be out on your 18th birthday, that is your notification of eviction. They do not have to wait until you were 18 for that to happen, because you don’t have a contract with them. I would be very careful how you approach that situation. If I were you, I would make sure that I was out of the house by the instructed time. People seem to forget that violence does happen, and your moral high ground will mean nothing once it does. The pain and suffering that could occur is not worth the battle you “might“ win.
You cannot notify a minor, because they're not legally allowed to agree to contracts. She can be notified on her 18th birthday.
But yeah, I'd want to gtfo as soon as I.
You may need to rely on none emergency police line for backup when you move your things. Just to have an officer with you when you need to take more than one trip with your things.
Happy early birthday OP! The 9th is my birthday as well 😊
I hope this is only the beginning of a beautiful new chapter for you. I hope you flourish out there away from these awful people. Enjoy your freedom and independence.
Is there anyone you can call to help you on moving day? The fact that they’re blocking you from moving anything beforehand makes me worry that anything you can’t fit in that first trip might be gone before you come back. It kinda sounds like they want to force you to leave stuff behind on moving day so they can steal it or throw it out.
NTA and your moms boyfriend is a creep & I pray for your younger siblings 😕 this makes me so angry!! idc how cheap nobody should be in a hot house right now it’s so hot outside & you having POTS, them kicking you out at 18 like life is supposed to be magically figured out, taking your door also gives overstepping & I feel like it was a rouse for you to not have privacy. They’re both TA’s and she’s a weak minded woman.
this was my thought through the whole post, too. OP knows they’re NTA, and they know what their mom and her bf have done is beyond fucked up. why did this need a post? btw, R U N, OP. DO NOT LOOK BACK.
It needed a post because though I know I am being abused, I am extremely easily manipulated by them into thinking I am the one in the wrong. In this situation specifically, I had myself questioning if I was allowed to wear what i wanted in my own bedroom. I think I have been gaslit so much in my life that I question obvious things now
To heal from this, you’ll have to avoid any escape hatches (e.g. drugs, alcohol, etc.). Remain conscious, build something for yourself consciously. Work hard.
— a person now in their 40s, with an amazing life but started by getting evicted at 18 by abusive stepfather who as it turned out was abusing my younger sister. My addiction is programming. It’s an “escape hatch”, but it was a constructive one. Keep your mental health in check(!) don’t linger therapy in the next few years. Trust me, it’s worth it.
NTA, but you have sh\*t for "parents". How do you move out if your mom drained your money away? I hope you can get an education and a good job. One of the tricks of life is to save something from everything you earn and invest it. Don't look at the market, just keep putting money into something like an S&P 500 fund like Vanguard has.
Because people who grow up in abusive household have their sense of normal completely skewed. They are trained to believe everything is their fault and they can never do anything right. This situation is so egregious that OP’s guts are overriding her “training” so she needs people to tell her she’s not crazy
You may have been paying the mortgage. Your mother likely has been receiving survivors benefits for you since your father died.
[https://www.ssa.gov/survivor/eligibility](https://www.ssa.gov/survivor/eligibility)
You might want to start here.
[https://indianalegalhelp.org/](https://indianalegalhelp.org/)
I don't remember much from when my dad passed away but I remember my dad making me and my brothers beneficiaries and my mom being really pissed about it, saying he was irresponsible to do so, and fighting to change it to herself once he died. After he died, she worked part-time yet somehow we were able to afford a new house, two new cars and an RV as well as for her to get her hair done and spa treatments regularly. I talked to a friend of mine who also lost her dad and she said her mom has been putting aside the money because it is technically supposed to be for the kid, but I have asked Reddit about this situation before and they said the money was for my mom to care for us. My mom gets a check as well as me and my brothers, so I didn't think that seemed like the case. I don't know. I feel like there's probably nothing I can do about it now since the money stops when I'm 18 and I can't prove i haven't been getting it
Who’s been cashing the checks that come to you? If it’s not you and you can prove she’s depositing the money in her account or the one taking it out of your account then you can sue her when you turn 18. That money was suppose to be yours. Does your mom pay for anything?
Go too social security office and explain and you can always get a bank statement proving you don't get the checks. Hope this helps. And before you turn 18 call child protective services they can help you. Know its scary been there but get all the help you can before turn 18 give you start . Good luck stay strong and please remember you never deserved this🙃
It sounds like your dad may have left you life insurance if you were named beneficiary. Life insurance generally do NOT have conditions on how the money is used other than the money is given to the beneficiary. This is different from social security survivors benefit. You may want to look into whether your father had life insurance, how much, who were the beneficiary and who the money was paid out to. If minors were named as beneficiaries, where the money went.
You may want to consult with a lawyer or some legal aide in your state if there were life insurance with you listed as beneficiary to see if there anything you can salvage.
You should really really look into whether everything has been done legally and, if not, what recourse options are available to you. Don’t let that vile woman take what’s rightfully yours. If you were the beneficiary, that wasn’t her money to spend.
>we were able to afford a new house, two new cars and an RV as well as for her to get her hair done and spa treatments regularly
That sounds like she blew though yours and your siblings' inheritance. If she had such a big amount of money at once, I don't think it was just some monthly payments she got which were supposed to be for the children's care. Your father must have had a life insurance, a nice sum on a saving account, owned stocks with a big worth she could sell, etc. Just something which might have given her 500k+ at once. I really think you should get a lawyer and look into it. I bet they stole from you and your siblings.
If you are still in high school and receiving social security benefits due to your father's death, you can register with social security to receive the benefit instead of your mother.
Hi, I'm a mom who also had a shitty mom it hurts my heart you've been treated so poorly by yours. You're not a bitch. You deserve privacy and to be comfortable in your own body and home. Here's a hug. Feel free to DM me any time. (also don't join the military)
/u/vietkitti You are NTA. I'm a Mom of a 27yo and a 23yo and there is NO WAY I would have ever treated them how your Mom/her husband are treating you. I agree with /u/No-Serve-5387 - DO NOT go into the military and if you need someone to reach out to or have questions about things/need help with resourceful info to help you so you can PM me if necessary. Wishing you the best of luck with everything.
Well here's another one! I went from an emotionally abused kid to a mother who gives my kid the absolute world - you're NTA, I could have written your story myself it's so similar to what I experienced. Get out whilst you can and never look back. Unfortunately you will be forced to grow up quicker than you'd like but it's the safest and best way to be able to find your own feet.
Hi, here's one more mom piling on. I have a 19 year old and I can't imagine being this hostile to my kid. I had a chaotic home life growing up, and I still have a lot of avoidant personality issues as a result (and you may, as well), but things really do get better once you are on your own. Clearly, you have a solid head on your shoulders and you are definitely NTA. I'm rooting for you.
Not a mom but I’m a girl dad to two wonderful young ladies. It literally hurts my heart to read how poorly you’ve been treated. Your mother and her bf are broken people. The more distance you can put between you and them, the better. NC would probably be best. You got this, you’re way stronger than you give yourself credit for. Big hugs from this girl dad, good luck
NTA.
It may actually be considered child abuse for them to remove the door to your bedroom. I hope you have somewhere safe to go on your 18th birthday.
Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. It's similar to the reason you get lightheaded if you stand up too fast, but for POTS people it happens with basically every movement, lasts for ages, and they're very sensitive to environmental factors. My mom developed it after having open heart surgery and a lot of people are developing it after getting covid.
It is awful. I went from living overseas, a career I loved, and traveling the world to being unable to drive or live alone. I have had to move back in with my parents in my 30s. Going on 6 years for me. Just now starting to get my health back..
Fatigue, anxiety, having heart palpitations, the feeling of being unable to move more physically because of the constant feeling of discomfort on the body. It weighs on mental and physical health
NTA
I am so sorry, you should be able to wear whatever you want in your own room, especially if it is ridiculously warm. I would consider removing your bedroom door as a punishment to be child abuse. I hope you can find a better and safer living situation soon.
NTA -- and also, happy early birthday.
It sounds like your mother and her boyfriend are abusive. They are denying you privacy not because they have to (for example, economic conditions warranted sharing of bedrooms) but because they seek to manipulate you.
You're getting a master class in how not to treat other people. It sounds like you're on your way to living on your own soon -- I wish you well and I hope you're able to leave that toxicity behind.
NTA, by leaps and bounds! I'm also 17F (as of today lol), and if my parents did anything like that I would be leaving as soon as I could. INFO: do you have a job or a way to earn money?
Please, follow the advice on here. Many of these people in the comments are saying all the right things. It'll be difficult to make this change in your life, but I'm here if you ever need to talk things out or if you need a friend! We're actually in pretty similar situations, though yours is for sure more urgent. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask and I will see what I can do!
Happy birthday!
I do have a job! I’m a home health aide and it pays well. I also have both my CNA and EMT licenses. I have a good path going, but nothing liveable as of now. That will change with time though
And thank you. I’m here for you too. Shoot me a DM if you want to chat:) i hope your situation gets better.
Thank you :). It's wonderful that you have a job, every little penny is going to count in the coming years. If you ever really need it, I'm about a two/three hour drive from Indiana. I know it probably doesn't mean a whole lot, but if your situation ever reaches a crisis level don't hesitate to message me and I can get you a good support system!
I appreciate your support as well. Take care of yourself, and let me know if you need anything at all.
You obviously have your head together, good for you. I wish you all the best and a calm and happy life five seconds after you leave that house finally. You go!!
Keep your head up and moving in the right direction! You sound like a good kid in a bad situation. Keep doing the next right thing, for the right reason and good things will happen to you.
Totally agree with the Zero Contact with your very unhealthy mom. Unfortunately she made her decision of choosing her bf over her own daughter. It breaks my heart just reading this. But it also sounds like your gonna land on squarely on your feet. Good luck!
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Wearing a bra and underwear in my own bedroom and telling my parents i'm not doing anything wrong by doing so
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NTA Sounds a lot like my mom. Hang in there, I went no contact when I moved out and it was the best thing I've ever done for my mental health besides getting into therapy once I was able to afford it.
Maybe check out r/raisedbynarcissists
You're in danger, they may well escalate around you leaving. If you can get all your documents together you should seriously consider disappearing to a safe place 24 hours early.
I would but she would 1000% call the cops on me and report me as a runaway. She has done this before and I was almost put on probation, but the judge saw my grades and such and waved it.
Move your documents and everything else that you can asap. Try to make it so you can walk out the morning of your 18th birthday with no more than a backpack and head out to school or your job. Go straight to your new home after school/work, do NOT return to your mom’s house. It is now history.
If you do decide to get out early, or sneak things out at night, just remember that if she tries to report you as a runaway you can show them you're turning 18 within 24 hours *and* tell them about the abuse going on at home towards you and your siblings. Your mother and her partner are terrible people. You aren't doing anything wrong in any of this. Is there anyone who can help you move day of so you can get everything out ASAP?
Depending on what the cops are like in your area, you can also ask then to stand by while you get things if you need to go back after your first trip and your mom isn't letting you get the rest of your things. Of course, again, I don't know what the cops are like in your area, so that might not be the best, but it also could help. Overall, I want you to know you're not wrong and you deserve to be loved and supported without condition.
This, 1000%!
Don't hesitate on asking for support from the authorities when it comes to getting your stuff out of there and into a safe place.
Not only is your family failing to provide you adequate support, they are actively trying to harm you in any way they can, and they should not get things their way.
NTA. This is heartbreaking to read. You have POTS and need to be cool.
I sometimes wear athletic shorts and a sports bra in the summer.
Hopefully you have a better place to go.
My stepdad will pick up my 7M brother when he's misbehaving and lock him in his room. My brother does misbehave a lot but I think it's due to being treated so poorly and losing his dad. He's impossible to reason with but my stepdad will sit up there for hours with him yelling at him, throw away his toys, etc. I've tried to intervene but it ended up with me being pinned to a wall by my mother and my wrists bleeding from her nails. They say my brother is so unreasonable because he sees how i react and he mirrors me. They don't abuse the 2yo, she's their pride and joy but that could change as she gets older, she's HIS only child. They do abuse the 15yo but not like they do me.
That would be seemingly useless unfortunately.
Quoting OP's comment:
>CPS has been called so many times on us but they always leave without doing anything and some have even reprimanded me to just “be a better kid” because my mom is really charming
Sometimes the state really sucks.
Ugh. As a mom, reading how you and your siblings are being treated breaks my heart. This situation seems unsafe for all of you 💔. I’m sending you a big mom hug. Some people truly do not deserve to be parents.
I do. I’m moving in with a friend who has been generous enough to offer me a spare room. We are going to the same college in the fall so that will make things easy. :)
Oh that's good news. I know the next few days are going to be stressful for you but I bet the first night in your new place you'll feel like a weight has been lifted and you can breathe easier.
You're a strong young woman, I hope you have a great time at college, make all your dreams come true and to f*ck with your mum. 👍💪🍾🦸♀️
Thanks for letting us know that you have a place to go. Clearly you are NTA. And you have many here concerned for you.
Give us an update when you are settled to let everyone know you are safe.
You should definitely go NC with your mom and bf. Take care of yourself. Even if they need babysitting, think about yourself first. They’ll only use you for as long as you allow it. Also, don’t let them know where you’re living once you move. Try to see if you can move things out without them knowing or ask a friend to help if you have to get everything out in one swoop. Good luck and please update us.
How disgusting that you would be half naked in your bedroom. I bet you shower naked, too! Kids these days.
NTA, obviously. Also, we have the same birthday. Happy birthday, summer baby!
NTA. Since they are kicking you out and doing all this crap, I would just stop listening to them. Then let you mother wonder, in the future why you are in NC with her and she isn't meeting her grandkids.
I just wanted to make sure you know that just because you have been living in chaos your whole life doesn’t mean you have to continue living in chaos moving forward. Do whatever it takes to become successful enough to be self-sufficient so you never again have to put up with abuse from others just to survive. Chaos has been your norm so doing the exact opposite will feel weird. That very well may be a good way to know if you’re doing alright or not.
Sign up for literally everything tonight so you can get in the system. https://www.in.gov/dwd/job-seekers/other-assistance-programs/
Use as much public assistance as you can upfront. It’s up to them to decide if you qualify so if they say you qualify then you do so use those resources they give you to set yourself up for success. This will only be temporary so you fight hard to be successful so you can leave your narc viet mom behind and never have to feel with her again. NTA
im ngl i think i'd have actually killed one or both of them at this point
you have a good head on your shoulders for being even half as calm as you have been, get the fuck out like yesterday please.
i can imagine, i myself come from a family of physical abuse so i react physically pretty quickly to tripe like this.
it's going to be shocking, always, the first few times you come to the realization that the stuff your family does to you isnt stuff that families should be doing to each other. and then its gonna hurt. :/
I still wish my parents actually put in the effort to actually be parents, but sometimes shit just dont work out that way.
Please, please, just do your best to take care of yourself and go no contact with them. You will be better off.
Normalising bad behaviour (whether it be controlling or abusive) is something that a lot of survivors do to help cope with the situation. It isn't your fault and you certainly did nothing to deserve this. Please take care
NTA!
I’m sorry you’re getting all this bullshit, you deserve better. If you can, call or message a dv hotline and talk to someone about a safe exit plan, just to make sure you’ve got all your bases covered (like checking your credit report and getting your important documents ready to take with you).
I wouldn’t recommend the military (and I’m not sure you could safely do basic training?) with your health issues and I hope you’ve got a safe place to stay. If you’re worried about homelessness, check out jobcorps.gov. I’ve heard good and bad stuff about it so definitely do as much research as you can.
I’m glad you’re getting away from the abuse and I hope this next chapter of your life is much better!
Damn. That’s messed up. I’m so sorry you lost your father. They are in the wrong to say the least. I hope you move out and not have to really deal with them. I don’t see anything wrong with wearing your bra and underwear and POTS is a serious condition. I wish you all the best.
I'm willing to bet bf has cameras in ur room....taking the door off is creepy asf and u need to leave before he attacks u bc ur mom obviously sides with him over u....yeah....he's planning on doing something bad to u
Girl. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that bulkshit. Wow. That's an appropriate typo (that autocorrect surprisingly didn't fuck with) so I'm leaving it. Are you in school? Dad out of the picture? The second you turn 18, get a job and a bank account no one has access to except yourself. What state are you in? There are services available to help people in your situation. Here in CT, 211 is an amazing first resource to finding help. There is likely similar wherever you are. Best wishes
I'm in college. I have my EMT and CNa through community college and i'm currently in university. I have a job and a car in MY NAME. My dad died when I was thirteen. I'm located in Indiana. I do plan on opening a new bank account ON my birthday :)
You sound like you’re an amazing young woman, in spite of your horrible family situation. Just keep hanging in there, you’ll be out soon. I’m sorry your mom and her boyfriend are so gross.
NTA. "If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee. It is better to live with one eye than to have both cast into the hellfires". Suuuuper weird for both your mother and her dude to be acting like you're a temptress in a roof under which most residents share a familial relationship. Who is she worried about being tempted, actually? Mr Probably On A Watchlist's level of attempted control over a non relative female child and your mother's complete deference to his red flags has me worried for your safety, OP. Please, familiarize yourself with local resources for DV, what you've been subjected to qualifies and they can keep you safe. Please also keep in mind that if you keep the same phone and the same account, there's tracking services built in and since your mother most likely has admin privileges on your account, she can access these easily. Remote log out of all Google sessions upon leaving, factory reset the phone if you *have to* keep it for awhile, would highly recommend getting another phone from Walmart for under $100, change passwords on all accounts the day you leave, and do not tell family members your location moving forward.
I have bought and paid for my own phone since day 1. She has zero access to it. She wouldnt let me have one so I got one myself.
CPS has been called so many times on us but they always leave without doing anything and some have even reprimanded me to just “be a better kid” because my mom is really charming
I'm glad to hear that you won't need to be thinking too heavily on digital security once you leave, you've got more than enough going on already. Keep in mind that the back door access works both ways, and if you're ever logged into your Google account on any shared tablets or devices, might still be smart to hit "end all sessions".
Yeah, I had to watch as TW child abuse >!my friends got dragged back to parents who were heavily physically abusing them, begging and pleading with the cops to take them legitimately **anywhere** else,!< so I'm all too familiar with how it goes. My mum kicked me out three weeks after my 18th birthday/first month of senior year. CW manipulation >!She called the school and had them pull my independent student status by lying that I could come home any time, I lost my meals and it affected my fafsa.!< I can relate to what you're going through and know how incredibly far reaching that control can go. Just wanna make sure you've got your best shot at a clean break.
DV resources often allow additional access once you're in their system and can entitle you to additional help with rent and moving expenses, hotel vouchers and stuff like that. It's dependent on specifics in your area and Indiana is pretty dismal in that regard, but other Midwestern states aren't quite so stretched thin. If DV resources seem like a lot, or if there's weird restrictions and you can't functionally access them, youth services often have a cutoff age of 24 or 26, and same deal, they can fast track you to getting some support and ensuring this is a temporary chapter. Good luck!
NTA, and I'm so sorry my dude. Your parents are supposed to take care of you and love you, not abuse and neglect. You deserve love and care and tenderness, and I hope you find that in your next chapter. You're NTA, and you deserve far more than that household can give you. Please keep this thread informed of your safety/security post-moving, and let us know if you need help with your exit strategy. ♡
Wow your mom is an ass hole and the boyfriend is creepy AF for removing the bedroom door of a 17 year old girl?! TF!? I’d get out of that house as fast as I could.
its been like this for as long as i could remember, but it got worse when my dad died. i was hoping having another adult in the house would slow the abuse but he jumped right into it pretty much the day i met him (the day after my dad died unfortunately!)
Were your mom and him already having an affair when your dad passed? Wouldn’t surprise me.
Also, I am so proud of you!! You are an amazing, impressive person - smart, hard working, brave and tenacious. already EMT and CNA at 17 😮 and a full ride to college? 😮 And that too in such an unsupportive environment. 😮
You can do literally anything you want now. Sending lots of good vibes, prayers, love and luck your way!! 🍀💜
do you have your important documents already?
if not, make plans for what to do to get your own copies as if they’re not going to give them to you - even if they’ve promised to give them to you. you don’t want to be dependent on them for a promise they won’t fulfill.
Most of my family is the former. They just say nice things and do nothing though ive been begging for help for years. They dont wanna get on my mom’s bad side and it is growing resentment in me. They care more about how my mom feels toward them than helping me (i can help myself now, but i started asking for help at 14 & i was defenseless back then).
I'm just saying everyone can say nice things but it sounded like you needed someone that has the resources and willing to help you with a place to stay, etc
NTA I so hope this is made up but sweetheart if this is real, you’re almost of age, get the hell out of there! These are toxic people. Go to college, rent a room. Whatever you have to do to get out of there. Make a plan.
Unfortunately this is not even close to the worst they have done. If this was it I’d be ECSTATIC. This is considered mild in terms of what they usually do. :(
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NTA and your mom's BF is a creepy asshole if he's denying a 17yo girl privacy in her own bedroom. EDIT: @OP please stay safe and either get out early, or have someone you trust there with you while you are moving your things out (maybe the friend you are moving in with?). I don't think you can trust your mom's BF, and it doesn't seem likely she'll protect you from him either in the worst case scenarios.
This was my first thought. My second was they shouldn’t have to kick you out because you should be running from there. Your mom —who should see MAJOR red flags with the no door thing— and her bf are so toxic there have been B SciFi movies made about them. To answer your original question though, no. NTA. It sounds like your bra and underwear aren’t anything that hasn’t been seen on a women’s soccer field and far more modest than many bathing suits PLUS you are keeping out of view (as far as you know, but check the room for cameras from creepy bf).
I do have to wonder if the mom's boyfriend contributes to the mortgage either or if he's a freeloading asshole who takes it out on a teenager
Also, daughter (and possibly her siblings) would be eligible for SS survivor's benefits, so she is actually contributing to the household budget. When the money stops (when she's 18), she's being told to leave. Certainly not admirable parenting traits to my thinking.
She can still qualify for survivors benefits while still in school. Check your states qualifications.🙏🏽🏃🏾♀️➡️❣️
Make sure mommy isn’t keeping the money “for” her daughter after she turns 18. Many parents have lied in the past to collect the benefits and kicked the kid out.
I see all red flags in the boyfriend removing the door from OP's bedroom and the mom's jealousy in kicking her out when she is 18. OP
This. My dad died when I was 13 and my mom was collecting 1100 dollars a month for me and my sister and we never knew a thing (or saw a dime) about it. When I turned 18 and was still in school the checks started coming to me automatically and my mom was furious she could no longer cash them herself.
I also would never allow anyone up in my daughter’s face or business. Step parents have a place too…. Stay in it. Know your boundaries💯🤷🏽♀️❣️
this step parent is so toxic tho
TBF... so is the parent 😔
yeah. i feel like the mom has daddy issues and grew up in a very male dominated environment
u/vietkitti don't miss this comment ^
Thank you!
Dependents benefits are a federal benefit. Doesn’t matter what state and they stop when child turns 18 or finishes high school.
I got the benefits until I graduated high school and left for boot camp. I was 18 when my mom passed, but still in school. Well, my dad got the check, but I had everything I needed.
Which brings the perfect answer to creepy BF that she’s not “contributing to mortgage”; A retort containing: - It’s supposed to be childhood, and - government giving money to help isn’t that contributing in her behalf.
Not admirable parenting by any stretch, but I’m so glad OP will be out from under their roof soon!
I’d love to know this too. What’s he putting in pot that he gets to be so high and mighty?
His dick!
Sounds about right! How these losers convince some women that their manky appendage is quality is beyond me.
Manky appendage! I’m dead 😂😂😂
Something something, babies, something something As if approximately half the population doesn't have one (not a baby, the other thing)
He’s more than likely living off of whatever her father left when passed away and will be gone as soon as it’s gone. Her mothers deserves that 100%.
It doesn't matter if he contributes or not. Respect is earned, and a minor has a right to their privacy. Boyfriend is an abusive asshole, per the post.
I mean, going by the post op’s mom has been at least verbally abusive for op’s whole life… so to op’s mom bfs behaviour probably isn’t a red flag since it’s directed at someone she was already abusing
The bf is creepy. I don’t understand how you can deny a teenager a door to their bedroom. What if they need to change and stuff? They are entitled to some privacy.
Let's also talk about the mother. The mother who has been calling her child OP a bitch and other bad names since the child OP was a toddler. The mother who was the one who first got mad at OP about not getting downstairs quick enough. The mother who lets this bf into her home. I come from abusive parents and I can guess that OP hasn't told us the majority of the abusive stuff that her mom has done to her through the years because OP probably doesn't even realize it (when they start abusing you in toddlerhood or before, you don't realize it's abuse.)
The mother is definitely an awful person. I completely agree.
Yikes. OP: please be very careful and protect yourself. Your mom's boyfriend may try to assault you (or worse) once you turn 18 since you'll be a legal adult. Wishing you the very best. It will be very hard to suddenly be on your own the day you are 18, but it will be better for you in the long run to get away from your vile mother and her bf. I hope you have a good support system and access to resources that can help you.
that might be a question for social services, they can start poking around for the younger kids sakes.
They should get involved because the younger children are probably treated just as poorly.
Exactly This!!!!! Icky & Creepy!!!!!
My moms partner did the same thing last year when I was 16, all because I didn’t do the dishes (I was getting ready for work and was already running late). Safe to say I got out of that house as fast as possible
I'm sorry you had to deal with this and am glad you got out of that situation.
Thank you :) I hope OP gets out and to a trusted loved one as well, it’s awful being in that situation
This is straight up abuse honestly. I was incensed at the first red flag in this post but then it just kept compounding. OP: Please know this isn’t normal. I really hope you get out safe — you deserve so much better.
Honestly just call the Sherriff, make a plan and move out BEFORE your 18th. Explain you need help safely moving out because XYZ, set a time and schedule it (they may also give you other resources if you're struggling to figure it out, my county theyd hook you up with a social worker and be willing patrol more closely to your home in the meantime) that's what they are there for, as must as I dislike and distrust LEOs of any type the Sherrifs have (ime) been more reasonable and all the deputy's I've known would much rather supervise than deal with a dangerous abusive domestic call, plus the dude is sus and I'm sure they'd love an excuse to jam him up. The closer you are to 18 the closer you bet ur ass they are going to ratcher up the abuse. I would sleep with a knife under my pillow and set up a warning "trap" like something small on the floor so if someone is creeping u will be alerted. Or buy a small motion sensor alarm on amazon and use that they are prty cheap Good luck hope u see this
Do not sleep with a knife under your pillow, wtf.
I’m thinking the creepy asshole is the mother for: Making a huge deal about daughter being in her underwear in her own room and having boyfriend chime in once he heard the common Not caring creepy boyfriend took door out Kicking daughter out at 18 Letting BF talk to her daughter like that
Your "parents" are vile human beings all the way around. As soon as you move out, go NC immediately. You're young and just starting out in life- you don't need those two cancerous tumors disguised as people dragging you down. NTA.
Any parents who kick out a kid the moment they turn 18 and they're not legally required to house them is a bad parent (I guess, unless the kid has been abusive to their siblings or something, but that doesn't seem to be the case). OP, as much as your mother's boyfriend is an AH, the real problem here is the woman who lets her teenage daughter have her privacy taken from her by a grown man who lives in her house. As this commenter says, go NC as soon as possible, and don't look back. Your mother will probably come crying once this relationship ends, but I'd be wary of her, given how she's allowing you to be treated.
Once OP is 18 no more money coming in, so mama doesn't see a need to house her anymore. I also think in the back of Mama's head she is thinking the same thing we all are, her daughter will be legal & her Bf is a CREEP...Time to kick out the Competition (as her toxic mind would see it) as sick as that sounds that is Exactly what would be going thru her mind & Unfortunately I think Gross bf has had a plan this whole time..YUCK!!! Be So Careful Darlin & Get Out Of There Safely
I know we haven't seen clear indications about the mother seeing her as competition and the boyfriend being a creep, but I had these thoughts as well. Your mother's boyfriend removing your bedroom door has to be a warning sign. The mother not stopping this sort of thing from happening is also a warning sign. OP, I'm sorry this is happening, it's horrible. As I said, if she comes crawling once she and horrible boyfriend break up, be very cautious on this.
My sister and I were threatened so much with being “out on the street at 18” that my sister left at 14 and I left at 16, and we both went NC.
This. I only wish I had gone NC sooner. May as well have really.
NTA. If this is true that you’re being kicked out at 18 then it’s a best case scenario. You need to run as fucking far as you can from these people. Do not allow them to contact you ever again. Be sure you have all of your legal documents with you- birth certificate, social security card, ID, passport if you have one. Do a credit report search on yourself now- make sure your parents have not used your social security number to get loans or create any debts under your name. You want to make sure you’re starting off in adulthood with a clean slate. If you find anything, it’s identity theft, take it to the police. Make sure they have no trackers on your phone, and have no access to any email, banking, etc.
My mother drained my bank account without telling me and caused me to overdraw several times because I have a gym membership with auto-renewal. I think she's already had a part in tanking my credit. I don't know if this will carry over when I'm 18 because I plan on opening an entire new bank account but I hope it hasn't killed my credit (when I get a credit card).
Definitely take that to the police if you can, like the other person said that's identity theft and having bad credit in the current economy makes things waaaaay hard. I know the thought is probably scary as hell, but in the long run it should help (if the police in your area are capable of doing their jobs)
Listen to this OP! Your mother may well be legally liable depending on what she's done, and it's way easier to get issues cleared up if you have proof someone stole your identity.
Wait, in the US you can go into debt under 18?
Yup. If somebody has all of your personal information, like say a parent does, they can open an account in your name. They could either trick you into signing a document OR forge it themselves and fully tank your score before you’re 18. It happens way more than you think.
What the ... In the UK you can't get any credit facilities until you're 18. How does credit work in the US? What age is the minimum age you can get credit? And how are they legally responsible for it if you're under 18 and too young to enter into a contract?
That's one of the reasons its fraud. They're not just illegally using another's credit, they've fraudulently opened a line of credit with their social security number, often falsifying some detail or another.
It wouldn't be identity theft if it is a joint account between OP and their mom (which is common for youth bank accounts). It would still be a really messed up violation of trust, but not illegal if mom's name is also on the account. If the account is solely in OP's name and her account was drained, then she should absolutely take this to the police once she has safely moved out.
I don't know about your legislation exactly, but in general, do not assume that old problems go away by just moving on. You need to actively take care of stuff. In this case, opening a new bank account will not make debts on an old one go away, and you should absolutely follow the other posters advice, run a check and contest anything you find. You might also report / threaten to report the money your mother withdrew. NTA, I hope you have a plan for the future.
Don’t threaten to report the money your mother withdrew (STOLE), actually report it, and report it silently. Don’t tell your mom you’re reporting it. And ideally do it after you’ve left if that would be safer for you. Let the consequences come as a surprise to her, when you’re already safe.
> Don’t threaten to report the money your mother withdrew (STOLE), actually report it, and report it silently. Bank accounts for minors in the US are usually joint accounts with a parent or guardian. From the bank's point of view the money can be withdrawn by either account holder, so there's unfortunately nothing to report.
Exactly what I was going to comment. I actually lived this with my own mother. We opened up a bank account when I got my first job and her name was required to be on it as a joint account, as I was a minor. She proceeded to drain every dime I ever made (saying I owed her for food, shelter etc) and in the eyes of the system, she didn’t do anything wrong. When she filed for bankruptcy, my account was also frozen. She proceeded to steal my identity when I was 18, taking out multiple credit cards in my name. When I did a credit check and found out, my parents gaslit me into believing they were doing it for my benefit. I was young and didn’t understand quite how the real world worked, so I believed them.
Also check whether or not there are any binding contracts in your name, and if the laws in your county/state/country of residence allow for people under 18 to make binding contracts. If your mum has misrepresented you as being 18 or over at the time the contracts were created, there's solid evidence right there of fraud, let alone anything else. Do be active in following this up. Do look for and get competent counsel that is willing to assist. You may need to through an organisation that does volunteer or pro bono work.
Plus any overdraft fees that may have incurred
This is so correct.
My friend's mom did this kind of thing. You really do need to call one of the big credit unions (sometimes more than one) and hash it out with them. That said, it wasn't too difficult for my friend. The convo boiled down to: "Are you sure you didn't open this credit card?" "Yes, I was ten years old." "Oh. Let's get this off your credit score then." She did wish she'd done it earlier, though. Edit: I meant credit bureaus! I was exhausted last night and my partner has been applying for jobs at credit unions lol Just to add something useful I guess, I'll also say that while it's awful that so many parents do this to their kids...the up side is that the credit *bureaus* have dealt with this kind of thing plenty of times and it really is something that they give a shit about fixing. Plus, if you need additional help or info, there's plenty of advice online from folks who have unfortunately been through the same thing.
Just so OP knows what to search on, that's credit bureau, the ones who put together credit reports and credit scores. A credit union is a different thing (pretty much a bank).
You have to go to the bank as soon as you are 18 and close down that account, physically, if you have to. Open an account at a DIFFERENT bank or Credit Union, (not just a different branch of the same bank,) so your mom can’t talk her way into accessing it.
Yes, and you can ask for additional security features to access the account. I had an additional password added to mine.
Your mother sounds like a vile human being. Dude I would start squirreling away and get away as soon as possible and never talk to them again. Just be aware of who you surround yourself with. A lot of nasty people out there, and unfortunately when you grow up with nasty people, you sometimes fall back in with others because that's what a person is accustomed to even though they might not even want to or realize it. When I read stories like yours it pains me that there are parents out there tormenting and taking advantage of their own children.
OP, BE SURE you take your Social Security card with you when you leave your mother’s house. Also, any other important legal documents in your name such as income tax, if you have ever paid it. NTA.
Also. The numbers on those documents, she may have them written or saved somewhere. Regular checks with credit. Probably best to move different town, so that if an account get opened, you can argue that your address isn’t around there with proof (e.g. electricity bills, rental lease contract)
>the numbers on those documents, she may have them written or saved somewhere. This won’t really matter assuming mom has been claiming OP as a dependent every year, because claiming dependents require their SSN, so mom likely already has that info saved on her older tax forms. The most important items are the social security card & birth certificate.
A new bank account without her on it will help, but you definitely need to check your credit, as minors can not legally enter into a contract and have things put in their name before 18. My own N did this to me and had SEVERAL bills in my name then just walked away from them when she couldn't pay them because they weren't in her name. I only found out after I turned 18 and tried to get a loan for a car and was denied due to bad credit. I didn't know at the time but I could have contested everything as fraudulent and identity theft. I just waited for years for it to drop off. You should check and make sure there is nothing on your credit now, and make sure you contest anything that shows up. As someone else said bad credit in this economy is the pits!
Make sure you close the account with both your names on it or she can continue to overdraft it and affect your finances. Best of luck.
Okay so if you need to up your credit know that with your new bank (I would change banks entirely not just a new account) you can get a credit card that you back with your own money. Put 100 towards it and thats your spending limit. Eventually you can upgrade to a real credit card which is better for credit building. It's good to have 1 short term and 1 long term credit to boost your credit the fastest. This can look like that little $100 cc that you basically only put gas on. Or your phone bill. Or gym membership. Something small you will be paying off every month anyway. Pay it every time that auto renew comes through. Never spend more than half of your limit because it helps boost your score more quickly because spending less than 1/2 of your spending limit shows you're not blowing through your limit. Long term credit can look like buying a new mattress with affirm or when you need a phone with your phone company you pay that off with long term credit or if you have a car payment. Whatever it is. Something you'll pay off in over a year. Really its best to have 2 short term and 1 long term but only when you know you can pay them off. I used to work at a bank and now have almost 800 credit score when it was not great a few years ago. Most that score was done in the first year. Im not 100% but I believe there's ways to dispute if people put things in your name before 18 but its a lot of paperwork so im hoping that's not a problem for you. Good luck 💜
Have you checked your credit? Doing a search for free annual credit reports turns up too many spoof sites. I would suggest going through the ftc.gov website to get started with a free annual credit report. The report will also list any accounts opened in your name
NTA by a mile OP. I second making sure all your important documents are with you and not your mom when you move out.
If possible, I would stash them somewhere safe and away from home ahead of time, just in case there are surprises on moving day.
The part about running your credit report is good advice. They are free.
Might wanna do that regularly as an adult That way if anything you don't recognize pops up, you can spot it quickly and hopefully fight it before it becomes a big huge headache
Wow, this is great advice. OP - please listen to this. And I’m rooting for you. I’m glad you’re getting out of that situation, but my heart is breaking that you have to deal with this one more minute. You are obvious smart and capable and you will find your people one day. You are lovable and worth being treated gently and with kindness and love. Seriously consider the Air Force- but congrats on your scholarships and focus towards college.
This is excellent advice.
If you’re literally being kicked out or moving out on Tuesday this week… 36 hours away currently… hasn’t this ship already sailed? NTA.
I don't think they can actually legally kick me out because when I become 18 I become a tenant, and they hve to give me thirty days. I don't want to fight that legally, but they told me that all of my stuff and I have to be out by Tuesday yet they aren't letting me move any boxes out. I also cannot move all my boxes in one trip because I have no trunk space in my car. This is a difficult battle
They’re being difficult on purpose. Good luck
Take your legal documents and the most important things to you in the FIRST trip. I feel like some of your things might not be there when you get back for them on the second trip. Also if you can get your friends to all meet up at the same time and pile all your belongings into all of their cars... you'll be done in one go? <3 I wish you all the best OP.
Good call
This!! Please do this OP!
I wish you the best and hope you have a place to go and the money to live independently.
NTA, but if you have already been notified that you are expected to be out on your 18th birthday, that is your notification of eviction. They do not have to wait until you were 18 for that to happen, because you don’t have a contract with them. I would be very careful how you approach that situation. If I were you, I would make sure that I was out of the house by the instructed time. People seem to forget that violence does happen, and your moral high ground will mean nothing once it does. The pain and suffering that could occur is not worth the battle you “might“ win.
The notice has to be in writing for it to be legally enforceable. She should gtfo asap, regardless. Staying past her 18th will be miserable.
Plus the tenant thing might only apply if you're paying rent Either way getting out of there sooner than later is probably the best play
You cannot notify a minor, because they're not legally allowed to agree to contracts. She can be notified on her 18th birthday. But yeah, I'd want to gtfo as soon as I.
Do you have friends who could help?
Any sympathetic grandparents, aunts or uncles in the picture she can get at least emotional support from ?
You may need to rely on none emergency police line for backup when you move your things. Just to have an officer with you when you need to take more than one trip with your things.
Happy early birthday OP! The 9th is my birthday as well 😊 I hope this is only the beginning of a beautiful new chapter for you. I hope you flourish out there away from these awful people. Enjoy your freedom and independence.
Is there anyone you can call to help you on moving day? The fact that they’re blocking you from moving anything beforehand makes me worry that anything you can’t fit in that first trip might be gone before you come back. It kinda sounds like they want to force you to leave stuff behind on moving day so they can steal it or throw it out.
Can you take things out one backpack load at a time?
Start slowly moving your stuff when they can’t see you do it
NTA and your moms boyfriend is a creep & I pray for your younger siblings 😕 this makes me so angry!! idc how cheap nobody should be in a hot house right now it’s so hot outside & you having POTS, them kicking you out at 18 like life is supposed to be magically figured out, taking your door also gives overstepping & I feel like it was a rouse for you to not have privacy. They’re both TA’s and she’s a weak minded woman.
this was my thought through the whole post, too. OP knows they’re NTA, and they know what their mom and her bf have done is beyond fucked up. why did this need a post? btw, R U N, OP. DO NOT LOOK BACK.
It needed a post because though I know I am being abused, I am extremely easily manipulated by them into thinking I am the one in the wrong. In this situation specifically, I had myself questioning if I was allowed to wear what i wanted in my own bedroom. I think I have been gaslit so much in my life that I question obvious things now
To heal from this, you’ll have to avoid any escape hatches (e.g. drugs, alcohol, etc.). Remain conscious, build something for yourself consciously. Work hard. — a person now in their 40s, with an amazing life but started by getting evicted at 18 by abusive stepfather who as it turned out was abusing my younger sister. My addiction is programming. It’s an “escape hatch”, but it was a constructive one. Keep your mental health in check(!) don’t linger therapy in the next few years. Trust me, it’s worth it.
NTA, but you have sh\*t for "parents". How do you move out if your mom drained your money away? I hope you can get an education and a good job. One of the tricks of life is to save something from everything you earn and invest it. Don't look at the market, just keep putting money into something like an S&P 500 fund like Vanguard has.
I don't know, if they are equally shitty to her siblings I might make a little call to CPS as soon as I was out of there if I were her🤔
Because people who grow up in abusive household have their sense of normal completely skewed. They are trained to believe everything is their fault and they can never do anything right. This situation is so egregious that OP’s guts are overriding her “training” so she needs people to tell her she’s not crazy
You may have been paying the mortgage. Your mother likely has been receiving survivors benefits for you since your father died. [https://www.ssa.gov/survivor/eligibility](https://www.ssa.gov/survivor/eligibility) You might want to start here. [https://indianalegalhelp.org/](https://indianalegalhelp.org/)
I don't remember much from when my dad passed away but I remember my dad making me and my brothers beneficiaries and my mom being really pissed about it, saying he was irresponsible to do so, and fighting to change it to herself once he died. After he died, she worked part-time yet somehow we were able to afford a new house, two new cars and an RV as well as for her to get her hair done and spa treatments regularly. I talked to a friend of mine who also lost her dad and she said her mom has been putting aside the money because it is technically supposed to be for the kid, but I have asked Reddit about this situation before and they said the money was for my mom to care for us. My mom gets a check as well as me and my brothers, so I didn't think that seemed like the case. I don't know. I feel like there's probably nothing I can do about it now since the money stops when I'm 18 and I can't prove i haven't been getting it
Sounds like you probably were paying the mortgage then. Find out who your father's lawyer was and go talk to them.
Who’s been cashing the checks that come to you? If it’s not you and you can prove she’s depositing the money in her account or the one taking it out of your account then you can sue her when you turn 18. That money was suppose to be yours. Does your mom pay for anything?
Go too social security office and explain and you can always get a bank statement proving you don't get the checks. Hope this helps. And before you turn 18 call child protective services they can help you. Know its scary been there but get all the help you can before turn 18 give you start . Good luck stay strong and please remember you never deserved this🙃
It sounds like your dad may have left you life insurance if you were named beneficiary. Life insurance generally do NOT have conditions on how the money is used other than the money is given to the beneficiary. This is different from social security survivors benefit. You may want to look into whether your father had life insurance, how much, who were the beneficiary and who the money was paid out to. If minors were named as beneficiaries, where the money went. You may want to consult with a lawyer or some legal aide in your state if there were life insurance with you listed as beneficiary to see if there anything you can salvage.
You should really really look into whether everything has been done legally and, if not, what recourse options are available to you. Don’t let that vile woman take what’s rightfully yours. If you were the beneficiary, that wasn’t her money to spend.
>we were able to afford a new house, two new cars and an RV as well as for her to get her hair done and spa treatments regularly That sounds like she blew though yours and your siblings' inheritance. If she had such a big amount of money at once, I don't think it was just some monthly payments she got which were supposed to be for the children's care. Your father must have had a life insurance, a nice sum on a saving account, owned stocks with a big worth she could sell, etc. Just something which might have given her 500k+ at once. I really think you should get a lawyer and look into it. I bet they stole from you and your siblings.
If you are still in high school and receiving social security benefits due to your father's death, you can register with social security to receive the benefit instead of your mother.
That would be magnificent. I would want to be a fly on the wall when mom gets a smaller check than expected
Hi, I'm a mom who also had a shitty mom it hurts my heart you've been treated so poorly by yours. You're not a bitch. You deserve privacy and to be comfortable in your own body and home. Here's a hug. Feel free to DM me any time. (also don't join the military)
Thank you. For some reason, reassurance from mothers always hits me right in the feels. <3
/u/vietkitti You are NTA. I'm a Mom of a 27yo and a 23yo and there is NO WAY I would have ever treated them how your Mom/her husband are treating you. I agree with /u/No-Serve-5387 - DO NOT go into the military and if you need someone to reach out to or have questions about things/need help with resourceful info to help you so you can PM me if necessary. Wishing you the best of luck with everything.
Well here's another one! I went from an emotionally abused kid to a mother who gives my kid the absolute world - you're NTA, I could have written your story myself it's so similar to what I experienced. Get out whilst you can and never look back. Unfortunately you will be forced to grow up quicker than you'd like but it's the safest and best way to be able to find your own feet.
Hi, here's one more mom piling on. I have a 19 year old and I can't imagine being this hostile to my kid. I had a chaotic home life growing up, and I still have a lot of avoidant personality issues as a result (and you may, as well), but things really do get better once you are on your own. Clearly, you have a solid head on your shoulders and you are definitely NTA. I'm rooting for you.
Same, same. Happy Birthday. Congrats on staying alive through all of it. <3
I’m the mother to a 25 year old who had severe behavioural issues and I would still never do half the things your mom has done. NTA.
Not a mom but I’m a girl dad to two wonderful young ladies. It literally hurts my heart to read how poorly you’ve been treated. Your mother and her bf are broken people. The more distance you can put between you and them, the better. NC would probably be best. You got this, you’re way stronger than you give yourself credit for. Big hugs from this girl dad, good luck
NTA. It may actually be considered child abuse for them to remove the door to your bedroom. I hope you have somewhere safe to go on your 18th birthday.
NTA. I see why you called them abusive.
NTA I’m so sorry POTS is so hard and they are making it harder and are being abusive. Go no contact when you are able to move out.
What is POTS? Also NTA.
Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. It's similar to the reason you get lightheaded if you stand up too fast, but for POTS people it happens with basically every movement, lasts for ages, and they're very sensitive to environmental factors. My mom developed it after having open heart surgery and a lot of people are developing it after getting covid.
Thank you. Never heard of it, sounds awful. I feel for this girl. Shitty all around.
It is awful. I went from living overseas, a career I loved, and traveling the world to being unable to drive or live alone. I have had to move back in with my parents in my 30s. Going on 6 years for me. Just now starting to get my health back..
Fatigue, anxiety, having heart palpitations, the feeling of being unable to move more physically because of the constant feeling of discomfort on the body. It weighs on mental and physical health
NTA I am so sorry, you should be able to wear whatever you want in your own room, especially if it is ridiculously warm. I would consider removing your bedroom door as a punishment to be child abuse. I hope you can find a better and safer living situation soon.
NTA -- and also, happy early birthday. It sounds like your mother and her boyfriend are abusive. They are denying you privacy not because they have to (for example, economic conditions warranted sharing of bedrooms) but because they seek to manipulate you. You're getting a master class in how not to treat other people. It sounds like you're on your way to living on your own soon -- I wish you well and I hope you're able to leave that toxicity behind.
NTA, by leaps and bounds! I'm also 17F (as of today lol), and if my parents did anything like that I would be leaving as soon as I could. INFO: do you have a job or a way to earn money? Please, follow the advice on here. Many of these people in the comments are saying all the right things. It'll be difficult to make this change in your life, but I'm here if you ever need to talk things out or if you need a friend! We're actually in pretty similar situations, though yours is for sure more urgent. If you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask and I will see what I can do!
Happy birthday! I do have a job! I’m a home health aide and it pays well. I also have both my CNA and EMT licenses. I have a good path going, but nothing liveable as of now. That will change with time though And thank you. I’m here for you too. Shoot me a DM if you want to chat:) i hope your situation gets better.
Thank you :). It's wonderful that you have a job, every little penny is going to count in the coming years. If you ever really need it, I'm about a two/three hour drive from Indiana. I know it probably doesn't mean a whole lot, but if your situation ever reaches a crisis level don't hesitate to message me and I can get you a good support system! I appreciate your support as well. Take care of yourself, and let me know if you need anything at all.
You obviously have your head together, good for you. I wish you all the best and a calm and happy life five seconds after you leave that house finally. You go!!
Keep your head up and moving in the right direction! You sound like a good kid in a bad situation. Keep doing the next right thing, for the right reason and good things will happen to you. Totally agree with the Zero Contact with your very unhealthy mom. Unfortunately she made her decision of choosing her bf over her own daughter. It breaks my heart just reading this. But it also sounds like your gonna land on squarely on your feet. Good luck!
How do you have a cna and emt license ? You need to be 18 years old in Indiana to obtain both.
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NTA and I'm sorry you have a horrible mother and stepfather.
NTA Sounds a lot like my mom. Hang in there, I went no contact when I moved out and it was the best thing I've ever done for my mental health besides getting into therapy once I was able to afford it. Maybe check out r/raisedbynarcissists
You're in danger, they may well escalate around you leaving. If you can get all your documents together you should seriously consider disappearing to a safe place 24 hours early.
I would but she would 1000% call the cops on me and report me as a runaway. She has done this before and I was almost put on probation, but the judge saw my grades and such and waved it.
Move your documents and everything else that you can asap. Try to make it so you can walk out the morning of your 18th birthday with no more than a backpack and head out to school or your job. Go straight to your new home after school/work, do NOT return to your mom’s house. It is now history.
In most jurisdictions cops won't do anything this close to your 18 th birthday
If you do decide to get out early, or sneak things out at night, just remember that if she tries to report you as a runaway you can show them you're turning 18 within 24 hours *and* tell them about the abuse going on at home towards you and your siblings. Your mother and her partner are terrible people. You aren't doing anything wrong in any of this. Is there anyone who can help you move day of so you can get everything out ASAP? Depending on what the cops are like in your area, you can also ask then to stand by while you get things if you need to go back after your first trip and your mom isn't letting you get the rest of your things. Of course, again, I don't know what the cops are like in your area, so that might not be the best, but it also could help. Overall, I want you to know you're not wrong and you deserve to be loved and supported without condition.
This, 1000%! Don't hesitate on asking for support from the authorities when it comes to getting your stuff out of there and into a safe place. Not only is your family failing to provide you adequate support, they are actively trying to harm you in any way they can, and they should not get things their way.
NTA. This is heartbreaking to read. You have POTS and need to be cool. I sometimes wear athletic shorts and a sports bra in the summer. Hopefully you have a better place to go.
NTA. Sounds like they’re the AH and are, in fact, abusive like you said. Are they abusive to the younger kids?? Get out as soon as you can.
My stepdad will pick up my 7M brother when he's misbehaving and lock him in his room. My brother does misbehave a lot but I think it's due to being treated so poorly and losing his dad. He's impossible to reason with but my stepdad will sit up there for hours with him yelling at him, throw away his toys, etc. I've tried to intervene but it ended up with me being pinned to a wall by my mother and my wrists bleeding from her nails. They say my brother is so unreasonable because he sees how i react and he mirrors me. They don't abuse the 2yo, she's their pride and joy but that could change as she gets older, she's HIS only child. They do abuse the 15yo but not like they do me.
As soon as you’re out, call CPS on them & report how they abused you & your siblings.
That would be seemingly useless unfortunately. Quoting OP's comment: >CPS has been called so many times on us but they always leave without doing anything and some have even reprimanded me to just “be a better kid” because my mom is really charming Sometimes the state really sucks.
Ugh. As a mom, reading how you and your siblings are being treated breaks my heart. This situation seems unsafe for all of you 💔. I’m sending you a big mom hug. Some people truly do not deserve to be parents.
Please report this to whatever agency you have that's Children and Families in Indiana. This is not okay.
I'm sorry for how you're being treated. Your mother needs a damn kick in the a*se. Do you have a place to go? NTA
I do. I’m moving in with a friend who has been generous enough to offer me a spare room. We are going to the same college in the fall so that will make things easy. :)
Oh that's good news. I know the next few days are going to be stressful for you but I bet the first night in your new place you'll feel like a weight has been lifted and you can breathe easier. You're a strong young woman, I hope you have a great time at college, make all your dreams come true and to f*ck with your mum. 👍💪🍾🦸♀️
Thanks for letting us know that you have a place to go. Clearly you are NTA. And you have many here concerned for you. Give us an update when you are settled to let everyone know you are safe.
You should definitely go NC with your mom and bf. Take care of yourself. Even if they need babysitting, think about yourself first. They’ll only use you for as long as you allow it. Also, don’t let them know where you’re living once you move. Try to see if you can move things out without them knowing or ask a friend to help if you have to get everything out in one swoop. Good luck and please update us.
How disgusting that you would be half naked in your bedroom. I bet you shower naked, too! Kids these days. NTA, obviously. Also, we have the same birthday. Happy birthday, summer baby!
Happy birthday haha!! <3
NTA "they're kicking me out on my 18th birthday" what the fuck is wrong with US...
NTA! What parent speaks to their child like that since they were little and thinks it's ok? Get away from there ASAP!!
NTA. Since they are kicking you out and doing all this crap, I would just stop listening to them. Then let you mother wonder, in the future why you are in NC with her and she isn't meeting her grandkids.
I just wanted to make sure you know that just because you have been living in chaos your whole life doesn’t mean you have to continue living in chaos moving forward. Do whatever it takes to become successful enough to be self-sufficient so you never again have to put up with abuse from others just to survive. Chaos has been your norm so doing the exact opposite will feel weird. That very well may be a good way to know if you’re doing alright or not. Sign up for literally everything tonight so you can get in the system. https://www.in.gov/dwd/job-seekers/other-assistance-programs/ Use as much public assistance as you can upfront. It’s up to them to decide if you qualify so if they say you qualify then you do so use those resources they give you to set yourself up for success. This will only be temporary so you fight hard to be successful so you can leave your narc viet mom behind and never have to feel with her again. NTA
im ngl i think i'd have actually killed one or both of them at this point you have a good head on your shoulders for being even half as calm as you have been, get the fuck out like yesterday please.
i’m honestly baffled at how everyone is saying this is so bad. this is so tame compared to how they usually act
i can imagine, i myself come from a family of physical abuse so i react physically pretty quickly to tripe like this. it's going to be shocking, always, the first few times you come to the realization that the stuff your family does to you isnt stuff that families should be doing to each other. and then its gonna hurt. :/ I still wish my parents actually put in the effort to actually be parents, but sometimes shit just dont work out that way. Please, please, just do your best to take care of yourself and go no contact with them. You will be better off.
Normalising bad behaviour (whether it be controlling or abusive) is something that a lot of survivors do to help cope with the situation. It isn't your fault and you certainly did nothing to deserve this. Please take care
NTA! I’m sorry you’re getting all this bullshit, you deserve better. If you can, call or message a dv hotline and talk to someone about a safe exit plan, just to make sure you’ve got all your bases covered (like checking your credit report and getting your important documents ready to take with you). I wouldn’t recommend the military (and I’m not sure you could safely do basic training?) with your health issues and I hope you’ve got a safe place to stay. If you’re worried about homelessness, check out jobcorps.gov. I’ve heard good and bad stuff about it so definitely do as much research as you can. I’m glad you’re getting away from the abuse and I hope this next chapter of your life is much better!
Your stepfather is such a punk jagoff. You'll be better when you kick the dust off your heels.
Damn. That’s messed up. I’m so sorry you lost your father. They are in the wrong to say the least. I hope you move out and not have to really deal with them. I don’t see anything wrong with wearing your bra and underwear and POTS is a serious condition. I wish you all the best.
NTA. It's for your health. Though, really, they should be forced to buy you a new door.
I'm willing to bet bf has cameras in ur room....taking the door off is creepy asf and u need to leave before he attacks u bc ur mom obviously sides with him over u....yeah....he's planning on doing something bad to u
Girl. I'm so sorry you're dealing with that bulkshit. Wow. That's an appropriate typo (that autocorrect surprisingly didn't fuck with) so I'm leaving it. Are you in school? Dad out of the picture? The second you turn 18, get a job and a bank account no one has access to except yourself. What state are you in? There are services available to help people in your situation. Here in CT, 211 is an amazing first resource to finding help. There is likely similar wherever you are. Best wishes
I'm in college. I have my EMT and CNa through community college and i'm currently in university. I have a job and a car in MY NAME. My dad died when I was thirteen. I'm located in Indiana. I do plan on opening a new bank account ON my birthday :)
You sound like you’re an amazing young woman, in spite of your horrible family situation. Just keep hanging in there, you’ll be out soon. I’m sorry your mom and her boyfriend are so gross.
NTA. "If thine eye offends thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee. It is better to live with one eye than to have both cast into the hellfires". Suuuuper weird for both your mother and her dude to be acting like you're a temptress in a roof under which most residents share a familial relationship. Who is she worried about being tempted, actually? Mr Probably On A Watchlist's level of attempted control over a non relative female child and your mother's complete deference to his red flags has me worried for your safety, OP. Please, familiarize yourself with local resources for DV, what you've been subjected to qualifies and they can keep you safe. Please also keep in mind that if you keep the same phone and the same account, there's tracking services built in and since your mother most likely has admin privileges on your account, she can access these easily. Remote log out of all Google sessions upon leaving, factory reset the phone if you *have to* keep it for awhile, would highly recommend getting another phone from Walmart for under $100, change passwords on all accounts the day you leave, and do not tell family members your location moving forward.
I have bought and paid for my own phone since day 1. She has zero access to it. She wouldnt let me have one so I got one myself. CPS has been called so many times on us but they always leave without doing anything and some have even reprimanded me to just “be a better kid” because my mom is really charming
I'm glad to hear that you won't need to be thinking too heavily on digital security once you leave, you've got more than enough going on already. Keep in mind that the back door access works both ways, and if you're ever logged into your Google account on any shared tablets or devices, might still be smart to hit "end all sessions". Yeah, I had to watch as TW child abuse >!my friends got dragged back to parents who were heavily physically abusing them, begging and pleading with the cops to take them legitimately **anywhere** else,!< so I'm all too familiar with how it goes. My mum kicked me out three weeks after my 18th birthday/first month of senior year. CW manipulation >!She called the school and had them pull my independent student status by lying that I could come home any time, I lost my meals and it affected my fafsa.!< I can relate to what you're going through and know how incredibly far reaching that control can go. Just wanna make sure you've got your best shot at a clean break. DV resources often allow additional access once you're in their system and can entitle you to additional help with rent and moving expenses, hotel vouchers and stuff like that. It's dependent on specifics in your area and Indiana is pretty dismal in that regard, but other Midwestern states aren't quite so stretched thin. If DV resources seem like a lot, or if there's weird restrictions and you can't functionally access them, youth services often have a cutoff age of 24 or 26, and same deal, they can fast track you to getting some support and ensuring this is a temporary chapter. Good luck!
NTA, and I'm so sorry my dude. Your parents are supposed to take care of you and love you, not abuse and neglect. You deserve love and care and tenderness, and I hope you find that in your next chapter. You're NTA, and you deserve far more than that household can give you. Please keep this thread informed of your safety/security post-moving, and let us know if you need help with your exit strategy. ♡
Nah, it’s your private space
NTA and I hope you get away from them soon
I hope you have a good place to go to in a couple of days. Of course you can dress in your room as you want. Good luck.
NTA. I hope you have somewhere safe to go to in a couple of days and never have to deal with their abuse again.
You're 17 and they took off your door? That's not OK.
Wow your mom is an ass hole and the boyfriend is creepy AF for removing the bedroom door of a 17 year old girl?! TF!? I’d get out of that house as fast as I could.
How long have you been getting abused?
its been like this for as long as i could remember, but it got worse when my dad died. i was hoping having another adult in the house would slow the abuse but he jumped right into it pretty much the day i met him (the day after my dad died unfortunately!)
Were your mom and him already having an affair when your dad passed? Wouldn’t surprise me. Also, I am so proud of you!! You are an amazing, impressive person - smart, hard working, brave and tenacious. already EMT and CNA at 17 😮 and a full ride to college? 😮 And that too in such an unsupportive environment. 😮 You can do literally anything you want now. Sending lots of good vibes, prayers, love and luck your way!! 🍀💜
Omg!!! Girl, when do you turn 18??? She actually said she was throwing you out on your 18th birthday? Who says that to their child??
Lol it was her bf’s idea. Thankfully my birthday is tomorrow. :)
do you have your important documents already? if not, make plans for what to do to get your own copies as if they’re not going to give them to you - even if they’ve promised to give them to you. you don’t want to be dependent on them for a promise they won’t fulfill.
Is everyone going to just say what she wants to hear or is anyone brave enough and willing with resources to help her when the time comes?
Most of my family is the former. They just say nice things and do nothing though ive been begging for help for years. They dont wanna get on my mom’s bad side and it is growing resentment in me. They care more about how my mom feels toward them than helping me (i can help myself now, but i started asking for help at 14 & i was defenseless back then).
I'm just saying everyone can say nice things but it sounded like you needed someone that has the resources and willing to help you with a place to stay, etc
NTA I so hope this is made up but sweetheart if this is real, you’re almost of age, get the hell out of there! These are toxic people. Go to college, rent a room. Whatever you have to do to get out of there. Make a plan.
Unfortunately this is not even close to the worst they have done. If this was it I’d be ECSTATIC. This is considered mild in terms of what they usually do. :(