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I don't think so. It seems like she pushed to do everything (and he let her), and a big reason why I say that is because she made SURE her family was involved but couldn't even do something simple for a kid.
OOP seems to be blaming the new wife for the ball being dropped. There may be more than meets the eye.
That said - yes, HE dropped the ball. He was the one who should have been handling that relationship.
Everyone interprets things their own way, but no, I really don't agree. Like, OP consistently maintains her ex-husband is to blame for hurting their kid throughout the entire post. I'm not sure where you got this idea from.
No kidding. I feel like there's a whole history of him dropping the ball and breaking promises here. It's selfish to maintain this level of uselessness, expecting everyone to pick up after you and excuse your constant lapses.
His new wife may be the same kind of person judging from how unplanned the wedding apparently was, so they might get along better on the surface, but their lives are going to be a mess.
And let’s be honest, she had the daughter from the get go, and excluded her. Poor bunny sat there watching a bunch of women get all tizzied up and was basically ignored. That’s some shit right there.
Right!? If the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with had a child, it would be a major priority if mine to make sure that child felt included (assuming the child wanted to be) and I’m not even someone who particularly wants children (at least, at this point in my life, I don’t see that as something I want or will want). But if I’m choosing to marry that person then I’m marrying the full fucking person, not just some parts while ignoring the rest.
I mean… I was 45 minutes late for my own wedding due to what might best be described as “wild time optimism.”
(my schedule of hair, makeup and photographer was definitely crammed into a limited temporal space, but also this was not a massive shock to, uh, anyone that knows me. Heck, my bridesmaids looked at my timeline and were like, “Ah, yes. This is very… very you.”)
…but the rest of the wedding details were organised pretty well — everyone knew what they were doing and when they were doing it.
So maybe stepmother is disorganised and drops the ball just as much as OP’s ex-husband does, but “bride running late” is not a smoking gun.
If the father of this kiddo is so flaky and so functionally inclined to treat his daughter as an afterthought (it’s a good sign that he feels bad about that, I guess, but “Congratulations! You have a conscience!” is *not* where we should set the bar for parenting), I *am* concerned about how stepmother treats her, and whether there’s a “your kid, your problem” attitude.
That position is to understandable to an extent, *as long as the small child doesn’t get hurt by it,* and if OP’s ex is inclined to this sort of oversight in part based on a chauvinistic parenting expectation — ie “surely my wife will handle the details because children” — then it’s really going to suck.
Not expecting the Evil Stepmother vibes that pop up on this sub from time to time, more like just… forgetting, dismissing, and basically a failure to factor in the needs and feelings of a small child, because she may take her cue from her husband.
——[anecdotal wedding details below, wrote out and realised “oh crap, massive derail!”]
[re: running late for my own wedding: fwiw, it was at a winery and people could wander around the grounds or sit in the pleasant warm space inside. Good times were had, and there was a relaxed vibe that delighted my in-laws (our friends and my family were no less delighted, it’s more that they know me very well — not to mention, our married friends had their own fun relaxed wedding vibes — so it wasn’t a surprise for them).
No one was upset about the time (especially because one bridesmaid was making sure to keep one groomsman updated), apparently people just hung out and chatted. I’d assume “fond jokes at my expense” which is absolutely fair and deserved!
ANYWAYS. Derail.]
Just wanted to add something I forgot about. Honestly it didn't even click until now. The new wife did say something to me once that bothered me and I brushed aside. I think she was trying to be relatable in the parenting aspect but failed. She once told me when pur daughter was being a bit much (and she can be loud and a little crazy sometimes) she will tell the dad to "take your daughter" because she "can't handle it". It super rubbed me the wrong way but it was over a year ago.
Your story brought back many sad memories for me as a kid when my dad married his wife.
I wasn’t as young as your daughter when my dad remarried but I’m worried for your daughter cause I know first hand what it’s like to grow up lonely and putting my feelings aside to make my dad happy, and feeling distraught when my dad lets me down.
I think you should send your husband a link to my post on my profile and see what could possibly happen if he doesn’t get his act straight
Yeah that would be concerning to me too.
My daughter is 8 and she can be crazy at times but that's just her being herself.
Kids can have trouble managing their emotions and actions and that is normal.
There seems to be this expectation, especially from non parents that kids pop out with all of this knowledge on how to manage themselves.
I know a lot of adults who can't manage themselves so I don't see how a higher bar should be set for a child???
Wife number two is going to have his baby saying: this time it will be different.
It will not be different, and she will somehow be confused at where her life went wrong.
By god, it's always the people you suspect most! So ridiculous in this day and age people walk on egg shells. No I don't think he's at fault because he's the man and the mothers always get favored or whatever narrative the victim wants, I think he's at fault because of the way he is.
It’s in the comments but:
The stepmom’s goddamn NIECE was the flower girl! THE NIECE. I first read it and assumed they just didn’t have a flower girl, but that pisses me off so much
Like the "special role" in weddings is right there for a young child, flower girl / ring bearer! You can even do multiple if this niece was really close.
Right? Tons of weddings have 2+ flower girls. I went to a wedding that had 5 flower girls because they had a bunch of relatives around the same age and didn't want to leave anyone out.
Exactly, no one is going to complain that there's more little kids looking cute all dressed up. The dad needed to keep his promises, but this also means the daughter was deliberately left out in the planning by the bride*, which is heartbreaking.
Edit: I assume the ex's new wife is the stepmom mentioned here that planned the wedding? Unless it's the bride's stepmom? A little confused.
I just about had an aneurysm when I read that from the rage.
How OP’s husband hasn’t puddlestomped this worm into the ground just speaks volumes of his self control I can only aspire to one day have.
He really is amazing. And he let's me deal with her father unless I ask him for help. He has a hand I'm decisions made but I take care of all the communication.
Am I the only one thinking the "special thing" during the reception was made up by him on the way over to the mother's place to explain himself, so he wouldn't sound like such a deadbeat? Because I notice that the "special thing" wasn't named or described. Also, neither the grandmother nor the daughter was told about the "special thing" at all on the day. Nope, Dad's a deadbeat who totally dropped the ball and is only trying not to get in more trouble.
Right. Everything gets planned in advance for weddings. If there was a special thing they would have prepared or rehearsed or had supplies or whatever in advance.
Also, she’s six. That’s the perfect age to be a flower girl and all you have to do is rip up some grocery store roses into petals, throw them in a basket, let the girl wear her nicest dress, and tell her to walk up the aisle throwing them. The perfect special role was RIGHT THERE and basically free, minus the cost of a $5.99 bouquet. Would have been so, so easy to make her feel important and special and included.
Because “the new wife had all her family in the wedding” or summat. Not like new stepmom could think of having her new stepdaughter and her third cousin’s kid or whatever.
Right? It’s really more of a fun way to include the children, not some kind of hard rule.
I’ve got three nieces so I’ve always said I’ll have three flower girls, if they’re all into it. They’re pretty young so it might just be three little girls taking a couple of steps and then being picked up by mom and dad but still. It’s about including my tiny loved ones in some way.
And it’s the easiest thing to plan!
My niece was 2 and charged down the aisle with a flag saying "here comes the bride" she loved it. Friends had nephews with lanterns instead of flower girls
When I got married, my niece was 7, older nephew was 5, younger nephew was almost 3. They're all siblings. My older nephew has anxiety problems and is shy, so I figured he would rather walk with his older sister. I didn't want my younger nephew feeling left out and not get to drop stuff on the ground, so I had three flower children. It was adorable and worked out great.
I can't imagine not making sure they felt included, as I'm really close to their mom (my sister). How hard can it be to include one's almost-stepdaughter?
Considering the OP title is "My daughter, 6 has been disappointed yet again" I'ma guess that her dad is more of a neglectful douchebag than a pathetic doormat. But since stepmom doesn't seem concerned that her new husband is shitty to his young daughter, I'd wager she isn't all that great either, no.
I love this idea, we really should be having flower girls dropping something more interesting than flowers. And hey, if you are dealing with an evil stepmom like this one, steal her shoes and drop Legos!
When I worked at a flower shop, petal attrition was too high for that to be reasonable (and petals only last a couple days max). But we regularly sold roses for petals, both for flower girls and for people setting up a romantic bed or bath. We always took the cheapest, most open roses, which we were thrilled to sell—generally you want closed roses in arrangements, so they last longer.
Plus, he could have given her a special gift, but must have forgotten to bring it when he met with OP. [I doubt he even remembered to get her something].
He talked about the ball. Said how great this ball was going to be. Gave details about the ball. That when she gets there, she's not going to believe how great this ball is.
There was no ball.
Exactly! I feel so bad for this kiddo...and mom. Ive been right where she is, except my ex-husband told our daughter he was getting married, so we waited and waited for an invite plan (he was halfway across the country; we were homeschooling at the time, so there was no concern with schedules). No invite came. Nothing. I had to deal with the end result of a 10-year-old sobbing in the back of the car while coming home from school asking why her daddy didnt love her and how she felt so pushed to the side. It's been 12 years ....but that day was the day my daughter closed that chapter in her life.
Now..my present husband and I were married 6 months prior to this event. It was nothing special...just at a jp's house. Our daughter got to pick out a pretty dress and she held the rings. "Daddy" and I bought her a special necklace that she still wears...even as an adult.
My present husband has been more of a daddy to her than her bio one ever was.
And not even a gift from the honeymoon either! I cannot imagine going on a big holiday like that and not even getting a little something for my kid left at home. On top of his complete failure regarding the role and the gift and basically any thought for her *at all* it's super shitty.
He's all "sorry" but it doesn't look like he's going to try to make amends in any way and I seriously suspect this will be the beggining of the end for them having a decent relationship (if they even had one to start with).
The disappointment of this will be *seared* into that little girl's soul and without some serious effort from him it will affect their relationship forever.
Exactly. I get that things fall through, but if he’d actually followed through with a few of what he promised, he would’ve come with the gift *and* had been able to disclose what the role was.
Seriously, even if he didn’t have something prepped, £20/$20 is enough to buy a genuine silver necklace for her to treasure. That’s all it took. He could have picked that up on the honeymoon, or when he got back.
I bet he made it up in the spur of the moment to make his daughter happy (maybe to compensate for something else he fucked up? I wouldn't be surprised) and then forgot all about it. There was never a 'special thing'.
My niece's deadbeat dad got married and he only asked her to be in the wedding a few weeks before it happened. Planned nothing for her, bullied my sister into driving 4 hours and hanging around the area because they were "too busy." Didn't dress shop for her, didnt involve his family to watch her during the reception. Nothing, just hyped her up and got her hopes up. Thankfully she got full blown sick the day before. I about guarantee this guy had jack squat planned for that poor girl. I can't stand loser parents like this.
Likely only so his family wouldn't ask where his kid was. He clearly didn't care at all that she was there, and from the sounds of it neither did the new wife. His 'special gift' sounds like a closer relationship with her stepdad, because Dad's new wife doesn't want his kid around and once she has a baby, he'll probably drop her completely.
It sounds like mom learned her lesson and married a better man this time around. I predict that 20 years from now, stepdad will walk her daughter down the aisle. Dad might not even be in attendance at this rate. What a pathetic SOB.
I'm genuinely tearing up reading this post. My dad is such a good dad and it just hurts to think how she's feeling, because six year olds dont understand excises, they understand whether or not you show you love them. I remember being six and how much daddy means to you as a little girl and getting to do a special thing is so exciting! And I mean she's six! A special thing doesn't have to be big or expensive, it just has to be something between the two of them.
It's so true. I remember when I was 8 or 9 there was talk about me getting to go out of town with my dad for a day or two. I was so excited and talked to everyone at school about it because I would get to miss the friday. I was told the night before that he wouldn't be able to take me anymore and I remember being absolutely crushed. Cried all morning the next day and didn't go into school until the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I would have been bored out of my mind with the 8 hr round trip drive, plus whatever errand he had to run out of town, but I just remember being so excited to spend that time with my dad.
As someone with a deadbeat dad who keeps making empty promises: he’ll be the man to *always* break her heart when she least expects it, and she’ll always wonder why she isn’t good enough for him to care about her 🫠
Aww man reading this got me right in my heart. I'm sorry you got such a lousy excuse for a dad. I know you know, but just in case- it's 100% not you that isn't good enough for him but the other way round.
Thank you. I do intellectually know that, but some part of me will always wonder, I suppose. It hits harder knowing *he* wanted me after my mom had already given up on ever having bio children, and then he started an affair right after she got pregnant, and that longterm AP then tried to murder me. It’s just… a lot 🫠 I can honestly say it would have been better for me emotionally if he just never had been a part of my life, but alas.
Knowing something and truly feeling it are two very different things.
I truly am sorry that all happened to you, he's a shit head to be quite honest. I hope you can heal and move forward. It sounds like cutting him off completely might be better in the long run, if you haven't already.
And if they truly had a *special thing* planned, why didn't they tell ANYONE about it. Not one person. Yep, you're totally right here . . . he's a liar.
There's no way that her didn't know when they had left the reception. I highly doubt his mother would have taken his kid home without so much as a goodbye. Perfect time to say "but we have something planned*
Agreed, wouldn't be shocked if his new wife wants his daughter to just not exist because...I dunno, he has a past that doesn't involve her? IDK. But this was his responsibility and he really dropped the ball.
He SHOULD cry. But tears aren't a get out of jail free card, and he absolutely needs to step up and be a parent not a Disney Dad. Because honestly, he's even failing at that. Poor little girl.
When this little girl grows up and gets married, this loser will be whining about how stepdad gets to walk his baby down the aisle and it’s not fair, he’s her *real dad.* “I just don’t understand why she’s doing this to me.”
"Sorry Dad, I was gonna have this big special part for you during the ceremony and get you a nice watch gift, but I guess I \*\*dropped the ball\*\* huh? Then I totally planned something during the reception but we go sooooo busy. Anyway, its not that important right? Look I even cried for like 30 seconds so now its all good."
Ditto. This would be so much karmic justice.
Kids don't get over these sorts of things. This is now a core memory. They don't forget them. They just stop bringing it up.
I feel like being a Disney Dad would actually be an improvement- this guy promised her a fun trip to the parks, then she missed her flight because he told mom to take her to the wrong airport and when she finally got there he'd forgotten to buy her an admission ticket.
That and the wedding party was apparently plastered pretty quickly after the ceremony. Given how much dad “forgot” to disclose to baby momma and his own mom, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a bunch of pregaming the night before and right before the ceremony.
Well the fact that everyone got so drunk that HIS PARENTS got her out of there says a lot. Either he's a drunk or there's a significant age gap, and it was a younger party crowd.
I have a feeling they were concerned for her safety. He might blame them for taking her out before the 'special role' happened but it sounds like they had good reasons for getting her out of there.
If there even were any plans at all. It’s awful convenient to say now “oh we had something for later, so it’s really my mom’s fault for taking my [devastated] daughter home early!”
Agreed. I am a product of divorce with a crappy narcissist dad, and even MY dad managed to find special roles for us kids in his wedding. This guy doesn’t care and his wife likely did it on purpose (she remembered to set up all of her family, but conveniently blanked on her stepdaughter?).
I had a childhood of broken promises and my dad wasn't an alcoholic. Sometimes it's just the distance and absence. We still talk, things aren't bad, we love each other, but we've never been really close. Divorce does a number on families and the absolute worst thing you can do is badmouth the other parent to your child. The worst part of this story is that I know that will be the outcome. I really, really hope everybody comes out of this okay, but the daughter will of course carry this for years. The dad seems to realize how terrible his actions were and I hope hope hope he finds some way to make it up to her.
Same here, broken promises all the way through but no alcoholics. No relationship now. I would like to know what the association is between alcoholism and broken promises.
Ffs As a father myself, these 'useless father' posts make me so mad.
He didnt cry enough.
I would say that he needs to take responsibility and do right by his daughter.
But I bet noone reading this post believes that will happen for a moment.
I know I dont. Ugh
Also, he had over 2 weeks to get that present he promised and just flat out didn't. He didn't even bring her back anything from the honeymoon! Wtf. To me it sounds like he didn't remember fuck all anything about his daughter until his ex wife reminded him.
Ugh.
Even if we say he totally forgot and thought everything was aces while on his honeymoon, the last few lines of the update indicate that at least a few days have passed since he returned and OOP talked with him. If the deadbeat actually cared and was just absent minded, he would have done something next day for his daughter. Not ambling around like a pathetic loser who can’t even look his ex in the eye.
I remember when my father got married and didn’t tell any of us, I was 11. I’m now in my 20’s and he doesn’t understand why I don’t want him around me or my children. This man is just as fucking useless if not worse
She will remember this. I once read a story that concluded something like "For me it was a life changing and scarring moment, for my father it was just a Tuesday" and it will be the same here. I was 10 when my half-sister (then 24) told me she would get me into the cinema, I didn't even know what it was or if it was cool but I was totally stoked. At the end she screamed at me that I better appreciate it she just spend 50$ for one night and I was so confused. I didn't ask for it, I didn't knew if 50$ is much or not, I was fucking ten. This was 17 years ago and I still remember it clearly. Her face, her screaming, how I felt. I don't talk to her since 2020 and didn't miss her at all. This little girl will be the same, her first heartbreak and it's from her own father, how sad of a first experience
>I once read a story that concluded something like "For me it was a life changing and scarring moment, for my father it was just a Tuesday"
Yeah it’s a quote from the Street Fighter movie
This is so true. When I was a similar age and my dad came in my room to kiss me goodnight after screaming at my mom, his hands were shaking. I was so disturbed by it. I asked him to promise me not to fight like that with her anymore and he promised. Obviously that promise was instantly broken. I still remember his face in the dim light, the way he leaned over the bed, the way I was terrified to ask but so desperate that I did it anyway. There were many moments our relationship will never recover from, but that’s the earliest one I remember.
I sincerely want to fight this guy and his shit wife. What a horrible thing to allow to happen to your freaking daughter. I'm glad her mother and step father at least care about her.
Seriously, I would totally show up with some rotten fruit and eggs. Like how calous can you be, in regards to the step mom, and how much of a freaking coward are you, in terms of the sperm donor
My ex husband and his wife invited me to their wedding because my daughter wanted me to go and asked them if I could please come too. My daughter was included in everything, picked out her dress with his wife, even the girls night which was dinner out/spa night at home with family. Everyone had fun, and there’s a really nice picture of me and her new mom with our daughter. There is just no excuse for this guy and his wife.
You guys all sound lovely, especially the new wife to want to make sure her new step daughter is comfortable and has fun and for making sure you were included to. Frankly that's how it should be.
And absolutely this guy and his wife are huge assholes.
It took some work to get to where we are, but we did it and we’re all a team. His wife really is a great person and she treats my daughter like her own. It isn’t hard if everyone involved wants the best for the kids!
Oh I'm sure it was all kittens and rainbows lol, but the fact of the matter is all of you were willing to put in the work. More people need to be like that.
You three are how it should be done. The fact that you call ger a new mom speaks volumes about you both... all great.
I hope someday, if your daughter chooses to get married, that you recreate that picture. What a special gift that picture is for your daughter. Permission to love you both in picture form, IMHO.
She better be, I can't imagine my mum *not* ripping me or my siblings a new one if one of us did this to our own kid. And none of us even have kids yet!
It's such an utter dereliction of duty *and* his own daughter on his part. I have the horrible feeling he'll be one of those dads who abandons his "old" family as soon as he starts a new one.
Honestly the idea of getting married and not even including your kid in any element of the ceremony is so foreign to me. Really shows what kind of priority she is in his life. Plus the fact that he didn’t even designate someone to watch her during the reception is such a WTF.
He’s “sorry things turned out this way?!” No, this wasn’t an unfortunate situation that arose out of nowhere. He did this to his young daughter. And he apparently hasn’t apologized or made any amends with her. What a terrible father and person. His crocodile tears are worthless.
This mom should prepare for 12 more years of this from her ex. I hope they find a good therapist.
I read it that way too.
“I dont feel bad that he cried though, i told him we could talk on this more another time. Said im sorry things turned out this way, and left”
Definitely sounds like she said it to him and not him to her
That’s how I read it too. She tends to use pronouns when referencing another person, but doesn’t seem to use “I” every time she describes her words or actions.
His daughter will remember what he did to her. Making promises that she had a "special thing" in the wedding while it was an entire lie he said to her face.
Which I bet that the "special thing" was an entire lie.
He didn't even bother to try to make any amends with her or apologized. He just went on his way and acted that he didn't break his daughter's heart.
He's just pulling the crocodile tears to make himself look like he was not at fault.
He's just a deadbeat dad and Op should definitely go towards getting full-custody since who knows how much heartbreak her ex would put her daughter through.
>He's just pulling the crocodile tears to make himself look like he was not at fault.
Fucking demonstrative mourning. People who pull that shit deserve nothing less than scorn, and much, much more.
The dad sounds like one of those people who never actually do anything but always makes promises.
I read this as a situation where he probably wanted to do nice things for his daughter, made promises and then just forgot about it or expected someone else to just magically make it happen.
I wonder if part of the reason he's an Ex is because OOP was sick of him never following through on anything.
I can speak from experience with my son… disappointment of a neglectful parent can have massive impacts on their confidence. Absolutely get her into therapy… for what it is worth I purposefully avoided serious relationships when he was young, and put so much energy into trying to prop up his relationship with his father. Hindsight - I would have thrown all that energy into finding a partner who would have been a great step father and role model to my son.
My granddaughter is 11 and a daddy’s girl. He is a dead beat dad, drug problems, police are after him - I wish I knew the answer. He bad mouths my daughter all the time calling her names when he is with the kids.
You just hope the kids start realizing who the “bad guy” is and what he is saying is all lies.
>Grammy and stepdad were super angry and left and brought my baby home before the plans for her and before cake. He was really upset how it all turned out.
He couldn't have felt too bad or he would have carved out a few minutes - at the very least - to call her sometime during the night or even while on his honeymoon.
Bravo dad, you're the first man to break your daughter's heart. Way to go.
Man, poor kid. At least that mom is on top of it.
I know a lot of people are going to probably comment that she should go no contact or try to get full custody, but honestly I don’t think that would necessarily be helpful in this case. She just really needs to ride that dad’s ass about getting better.
And his ex’s wife too!
>She just really needs to ride that dad’s ass about getting better.
I don't think that's going to work long-term. Keeping up with what she's already doing (supporting her daughter, looking for therapy, validating her feelings) is the best thing she could do. If this was a one time mistake, things happen. If it is not, daughter will be more prepared to grow up with that kind of dad.
OOP here, For the first couple years I did ride his ass. But I gave him an ultimatum and told him to be there or don't but to pick one. He couldn't half ass it or I was done. He did ok for a while. Then didn't. It's a yo-yo. I don't make excuses for him. I just do my best to make sure she knows I love her. I give him all the information he needs well in advance to do the right thing, yet he doesn't then he does then he doesnt.
Do you have any idea how new wife is going to treat your daughter? Do they have any custody? I'm just curious. You, however, are doing a great job. It sucks you're dealing with this kind of shit.
She had been great to my face. Always nice. Behind the scenes, I know they drink around our daughter but there are always other adults around. The only thing I've heard is that they fight loudly sometimes. But this is from the mouth of my daughter. The only for sure info I have gotten is from mutual friends or his mom so the Grammy in the story.
They spend 2 to 3 weekends with her a month and half that time is at sleepovers with Grammy. We do not have court ordered custody but she lives with me and spends max 6 days a month with them.
I've had been and will continue to be on guard about anything going on when she isn't home with me.
She's not going to have to do anything. New wife will make sure he does a slow fade from her life because he'll have a new family. This wasn't a mistake, this was an intentional omission on new wife's (She's not Stepmother material) part
My dad did something similar. Invited his new wife's son to the wedding, but not me and my sister, his only children. Had a bunch of photos hung up all over with the three of them playing happy family. It was heartbreaking. I've honestly never forgiven him, 25+ years later. I hardly speak to him. I text him on special occasions so I don't have to talk to him. My sister still kind of idolizes him but I think even she is slowly realizing he's not a good person. There are a bunch of other crappy things he's done. When he's old he can have his wife's son take care of him (which won't happen because his stepson is completely incompetent). These are the kinds of things that cut deep and scar a relationship.
Oooph yeah for sure, mine got married for a second time, my brother was his best man, my mom (his ex) and gma were invited, etc. I found out about it when my brothers asked what time he should pick me up. Turns out I wasn’t invited because he was scared I’d reject him.
I haven't read all the way to the end yet but I am really hoping that this mom does not buy into the idea that it's anyone else's fault that this father didn't take care of his child. He was straight up the only person responsible for that, full stop.
Edit: Okay, not as bad as it could be, thankfully. I'm glad that the dad didn't blame it on his new wife and I'm glad that the mom accepted that it was the dad's failure. But I do want to be clear that two people didn't fail at their "duty of care" because only one person had that duty.
Also, it seems pretty obvious that OOP was not at all surprised by her ex-husband's failure to communicate with her. So, I hope she realizes ASAP that he's probably the same way with his new wife, and that the new wife isn't going to be any more successful at getting him to communicate then OOP was while married to him.
Yes, I am very pleased that she moved straight to counseling. Anyone who has experienced a divorce, one parent remarrying and having another baby, and then the other parent remarrying, all in just a few years definitely deserves some counseling.
My parents divorced when I was 18 and both moved away as I was getting into college and remarried within a few year. I'm 28 now and I still have a lot of pent up resentment for the whole thing. I can't imagine that happening to a kid.
I was also a little worried when she said her ex had let his new wife walk all over her daughter and himself... Like, don't make him out to be some victim here. He walked all over his own daughter with no help lol
But despite this, the steps she took afterward seem great. I still feel for that poor child, because these things don't tend to get better...
He should feel bad, he should feel like an absolutely failure. He hurt his daughter deeply. And instead of sulking he should do something about it. Or will that be everyone else's responsibility as well?
I am getting married in 6 weeks, and my niece (also 6) is going to be a flower girl. She's extremely excited about it all, she came dress shopping with me and came to my hen do (and even planned a little "spa" session for me where she gave me a massage, put a face mask on me and had planned to do my make up. I goofed and forgot the make up). I can only imagine how devastated she would be if something I did not only made her late for my wedding, but then she wasn't at all included, and she's my niece, not my daughter.
I nearly cried just thinking how devastated my niece would be if I did that to her, so the thought of seeing it first hand, and it being my daughter AND there's nothing I can do to make it truly better... Just awful.
Things like this don't ever leave your memory. I still remember my uncles wedding when I was around 6/7 after I was told that no kids would be in the wedding (my mum was a bridesmaid). Only to show up and see my cousins, aunts nieces and her friends kids all involved - I was the only child not involved in the wedding. Safe to say I was distraught, my mum/uncles side of the family were fuming. What made it worse was my mum had been excluded from most bridesmaid activities, she wasn't informed of dress fittings nor hen-do activities. It's been over 10 years and our relationship with them just got worse after that, I believe the wedding was the tip of the iceberg for the souring of it all - it certainly was for me.
Look my cousin’s ex hasn’t always been the best guy but at their wedding ceremony he invited his daughter from a prior relationship up to the front while they were in front of the officiant and made a lovely speech about how he was also committed to HER for life (longer than he committed to my cousin as it turned out lol) and presented her with a special necklace. It took five minutes and his little girl was BEAMING and she got hugged between her dad and new stepmom and there was not a dry eye in the house.
She’s six. It doesn’t have to be gold and diamonds and a parade. Dad COULD have done a little and it would have meant so much.
(Also how does the reception disintegrate into drunken rowdiness SO fast that you don’t have time to get around to the cake or whatever little Thing he allegedly had planned for his child? Did everyone do three shots apiece as the couple marched back down the aisle?)
Dad dropped the fucking ball and he should feel bad.
Maybe he’ll get it right for his kids on his next wedding day but we’ll see.
I stopped talking to my dad for almost 2 years when he excluded me from his 4th wedding. He had excluded me from every one of his weddings (the one to my mom is legit the only one I could not have been at due to not being a thought in anyone’s head) but weddings 2,3 and 4? I should have been at.
Weddings are still a sore topic with us. We had a discussion that if he were to excluded me from a wedding again, that I would cut him off forever. He has been assuring me that he will not marry again, but idk. He’s a big boy now and he knows where I stand with this and he can make his choice on how he wants our relationship to proceed.
I hope this dad gets his head out of his ass cuz it’s not sounding like stepmom is even interested in thinking too much about the little girl that came as a package deal with her new husband.
Edit: typo 😒
Also just the complete lack of communication... If there was a role planned for her, tell her what it is or at least tell ***someone*** what it is. So many balls dropped here. He didn't even tell his own Mom that he had signed her up as the sitter for the night or that something was planned for his daughter during the reception. Also seems like bad planning to have something that late in the evening planned for a 6 year-old who is not going to have a lot to do at a wedding reception if there aren't many kids her age there.
Even bad communication is better than *no communication*. And I'm saying that as someone that is really bad at communicating.
He doesn’t care. He’s moving on to his new wife and once she has a kid, poor 6 year old is going to be on the outside looking in.
It’s really sad - too many people associate their kid with their ex when they divorce.
This is sad. My daughter was 6 when I remarried. Knowing how much she always wanted (and still does on some level) mom and dad to get back together, I realized the day could be a bit tough for her. We had a pm wedding so the early part of the day was all about her. I took her to a fancy place for breakfast, took her shopping to buy a dress (waited till the last minute on purpose), and then we had a fancy lunch. I took her to her mom’s salon to get her hair and nails done, and then bought her a necklace to wear as well. When it came time for the ceremony that night, she “stood up” for me, held my hand during the vows, and handed me the ring. She was happy/sad/scared all at the same time and for an adult to not make part of it special for their kid in a re-marriage is insane to me.
There’s a difference between flubbed and not invested. We start 30 minutes later and forgot to tell everyone, that’s a flub. The color was yellow not orange, that’s a flub. Small things that are a minor to medium inconvenience are flubs. A complete venue change???? Not knowing who’s taking your six year old home???? Getting drunk and rowdy with children present???? Those are glaring issues, not flubs.
If I were to date a man with kids, my first question would be who's going to be your first priority, me or the kids. If he doesn't answer the kids, get the fuck out. Who wants a man who doesn't prioritize his children first?
Definitely agree with all the comments sympathizing with this poor little girl getting her heart broken but also... How bad do you have to be at wedding planning for the guests to have to set up for the ceremony while you are running an hour late? Sounds like the most chaotic wedding ever.
Deadbeat. He will wonder one day why he no longer has a child. I have seen this, and it makes me sick. Know one fellow who missed his child’s wedding at the behest of his latest squeeze. He was expelled from the friend group who stood up for him while he was out with the current floozie.
That guy was all talk. In his mind, he really meant to get her a gift but either forgot or couldn’t execute the action.
He’s the kind of guy that should only make surprises & never make promises.
For stepmothers and blended families everywhere, I just want to say we're not all like this. And I really wish there weren't so many like this. My stepkids walked me down the aisle and stood next to me the entire time I married their dad. They got absolutely royal treatment that day and my stepdaughter felt like a princess. I and my husband wouldn't have had it any other way. This story is just so sad.
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Boy this guy sure flubbed a whole lot. I feel like this may be part of why he's the ex-husband
Man didn’t drop a ball, he dropped a whole sporting goods store
It seems like he made his new wife do all of the planning on her own.
Or she insisted. The guy is a dick, but there is no need to make up extra things he might have done. He has done badly enough already.
I don't think so. It seems like she pushed to do everything (and he let her), and a big reason why I say that is because she made SURE her family was involved but couldn't even do something simple for a kid.
I’m stealing this.
OOP seems to be blaming the new wife for the ball being dropped. There may be more than meets the eye. That said - yes, HE dropped the ball. He was the one who should have been handling that relationship.
Everyone interprets things their own way, but no, I really don't agree. Like, OP consistently maintains her ex-husband is to blame for hurting their kid throughout the entire post. I'm not sure where you got this idea from.
No kidding. I feel like there's a whole history of him dropping the ball and breaking promises here. It's selfish to maintain this level of uselessness, expecting everyone to pick up after you and excuse your constant lapses. His new wife may be the same kind of person judging from how unplanned the wedding apparently was, so they might get along better on the surface, but their lives are going to be a mess.
Is she really responsible for all of the unplanning? Or was he supposed to be responsible for some aspects and utterly failed?
Nah, that fact that she was an hour late and nothing was set up says that even if he missed a bunch of stuff so did she.
And let’s be honest, she had the daughter from the get go, and excluded her. Poor bunny sat there watching a bunch of women get all tizzied up and was basically ignored. That’s some shit right there.
Right!? If the person I was going to spend the rest of my life with had a child, it would be a major priority if mine to make sure that child felt included (assuming the child wanted to be) and I’m not even someone who particularly wants children (at least, at this point in my life, I don’t see that as something I want or will want). But if I’m choosing to marry that person then I’m marrying the full fucking person, not just some parts while ignoring the rest.
I mean… I was 45 minutes late for my own wedding due to what might best be described as “wild time optimism.” (my schedule of hair, makeup and photographer was definitely crammed into a limited temporal space, but also this was not a massive shock to, uh, anyone that knows me. Heck, my bridesmaids looked at my timeline and were like, “Ah, yes. This is very… very you.”) …but the rest of the wedding details were organised pretty well — everyone knew what they were doing and when they were doing it. So maybe stepmother is disorganised and drops the ball just as much as OP’s ex-husband does, but “bride running late” is not a smoking gun. If the father of this kiddo is so flaky and so functionally inclined to treat his daughter as an afterthought (it’s a good sign that he feels bad about that, I guess, but “Congratulations! You have a conscience!” is *not* where we should set the bar for parenting), I *am* concerned about how stepmother treats her, and whether there’s a “your kid, your problem” attitude. That position is to understandable to an extent, *as long as the small child doesn’t get hurt by it,* and if OP’s ex is inclined to this sort of oversight in part based on a chauvinistic parenting expectation — ie “surely my wife will handle the details because children” — then it’s really going to suck. Not expecting the Evil Stepmother vibes that pop up on this sub from time to time, more like just… forgetting, dismissing, and basically a failure to factor in the needs and feelings of a small child, because she may take her cue from her husband. ——[anecdotal wedding details below, wrote out and realised “oh crap, massive derail!”] [re: running late for my own wedding: fwiw, it was at a winery and people could wander around the grounds or sit in the pleasant warm space inside. Good times were had, and there was a relaxed vibe that delighted my in-laws (our friends and my family were no less delighted, it’s more that they know me very well — not to mention, our married friends had their own fun relaxed wedding vibes — so it wasn’t a surprise for them). No one was upset about the time (especially because one bridesmaid was making sure to keep one groomsman updated), apparently people just hung out and chatted. I’d assume “fond jokes at my expense” which is absolutely fair and deserved! ANYWAYS. Derail.]
Just wanted to add something I forgot about. Honestly it didn't even click until now. The new wife did say something to me once that bothered me and I brushed aside. I think she was trying to be relatable in the parenting aspect but failed. She once told me when pur daughter was being a bit much (and she can be loud and a little crazy sometimes) she will tell the dad to "take your daughter" because she "can't handle it". It super rubbed me the wrong way but it was over a year ago.
Your story brought back many sad memories for me as a kid when my dad married his wife. I wasn’t as young as your daughter when my dad remarried but I’m worried for your daughter cause I know first hand what it’s like to grow up lonely and putting my feelings aside to make my dad happy, and feeling distraught when my dad lets me down. I think you should send your husband a link to my post on my profile and see what could possibly happen if he doesn’t get his act straight
I actually remember your posts from last year. Hope you are doing OK !
I am doing better, I am still healing but I’m at better place than I was. I wish you and your daughter so much love and care, it’s hard out here
Yeah that would be concerning to me too. My daughter is 8 and she can be crazy at times but that's just her being herself. Kids can have trouble managing their emotions and actions and that is normal. There seems to be this expectation, especially from non parents that kids pop out with all of this knowledge on how to manage themselves. I know a lot of adults who can't manage themselves so I don't see how a higher bar should be set for a child???
I was just thinking "gee that's an awful lot of *accidents* that definitely weren't his fault..."
He sounds like a human inflatable tube man. Flapping all over the place. Grown men have agency and some of them never learn to act like it.
Wife number two is going to have his baby saying: this time it will be different. It will not be different, and she will somehow be confused at where her life went wrong.
By god, it's always the people you suspect most! So ridiculous in this day and age people walk on egg shells. No I don't think he's at fault because he's the man and the mothers always get favored or whatever narrative the victim wants, I think he's at fault because of the way he is.
It’s in the comments but: The stepmom’s goddamn NIECE was the flower girl! THE NIECE. I first read it and assumed they just didn’t have a flower girl, but that pisses me off so much
Like the "special role" in weddings is right there for a young child, flower girl / ring bearer! You can even do multiple if this niece was really close.
Right? Tons of weddings have 2+ flower girls. I went to a wedding that had 5 flower girls because they had a bunch of relatives around the same age and didn't want to leave anyone out.
Exactly, no one is going to complain that there's more little kids looking cute all dressed up. The dad needed to keep his promises, but this also means the daughter was deliberately left out in the planning by the bride*, which is heartbreaking. Edit: I assume the ex's new wife is the stepmom mentioned here that planned the wedding? Unless it's the bride's stepmom? A little confused.
Exs new wife. Sorry should have clarified better.
I just about had an aneurysm when I read that from the rage. How OP’s husband hasn’t puddlestomped this worm into the ground just speaks volumes of his self control I can only aspire to one day have.
He really is amazing. And he let's me deal with her father unless I ask him for help. He has a hand I'm decisions made but I take care of all the communication.
Am I the only one thinking the "special thing" during the reception was made up by him on the way over to the mother's place to explain himself, so he wouldn't sound like such a deadbeat? Because I notice that the "special thing" wasn't named or described. Also, neither the grandmother nor the daughter was told about the "special thing" at all on the day. Nope, Dad's a deadbeat who totally dropped the ball and is only trying not to get in more trouble.
Right. Everything gets planned in advance for weddings. If there was a special thing they would have prepared or rehearsed or had supplies or whatever in advance. Also, she’s six. That’s the perfect age to be a flower girl and all you have to do is rip up some grocery store roses into petals, throw them in a basket, let the girl wear her nicest dress, and tell her to walk up the aisle throwing them. The perfect special role was RIGHT THERE and basically free, minus the cost of a $5.99 bouquet. Would have been so, so easy to make her feel important and special and included.
That's just the thing--it *would* have been so easy. What does it say about him if he couldn't be bothered to do even that?
Because “the new wife had all her family in the wedding” or summat. Not like new stepmom could think of having her new stepdaughter and her third cousin’s kid or whatever.
Even if she already had a flower girl, you can can have more than one.
Right? It’s really more of a fun way to include the children, not some kind of hard rule. I’ve got three nieces so I’ve always said I’ll have three flower girls, if they’re all into it. They’re pretty young so it might just be three little girls taking a couple of steps and then being picked up by mom and dad but still. It’s about including my tiny loved ones in some way. And it’s the easiest thing to plan!
My niece was 2 and charged down the aisle with a flag saying "here comes the bride" she loved it. Friends had nephews with lanterns instead of flower girls
When I got married, my niece was 7, older nephew was 5, younger nephew was almost 3. They're all siblings. My older nephew has anxiety problems and is shy, so I figured he would rather walk with his older sister. I didn't want my younger nephew feeling left out and not get to drop stuff on the ground, so I had three flower children. It was adorable and worked out great. I can't imagine not making sure they felt included, as I'm really close to their mom (my sister). How hard can it be to include one's almost-stepdaughter?
It says that she’s now got an evil stepmother and her dad is a pathetic doormat?
Considering the OP title is "My daughter, 6 has been disappointed yet again" I'ma guess that her dad is more of a neglectful douchebag than a pathetic doormat. But since stepmom doesn't seem concerned that her new husband is shitty to his young daughter, I'd wager she isn't all that great either, no.
>dad is more of a neglectful douchebag than a pathetic doormat a man can be two things
I'm not sure this man is even up to that level of multi-tasking.
You don’t even need petals. Flower girls can drop scraps of paper or whatever.
Or blow bubbles. Or just walk down the aisle because they’re cute and in a fancy dress. Anything is better than nothing for the daughter of the groom.
Now I'm trying to think of cool things for flowers girls to drop, beanie babies is my current best
I love this idea, we really should be having flower girls dropping something more interesting than flowers. And hey, if you are dealing with an evil stepmom like this one, steal her shoes and drop Legos!
I would bet that florists keep bags of loose petals that fell off the flowers for flower girl purposes, since it's such a common tradition.
When I worked at a flower shop, petal attrition was too high for that to be reasonable (and petals only last a couple days max). But we regularly sold roses for petals, both for flower girls and for people setting up a romantic bed or bath. We always took the cheapest, most open roses, which we were thrilled to sell—generally you want closed roses in arrangements, so they last longer.
Oh 100%. If they actually had a special thing they would’ve *said* what the special thing was and *offered to do a do-over.*
Plus, he could have given her a special gift, but must have forgotten to bring it when he met with OP. [I doubt he even remembered to get her something].
I wonder if he even bothered to get her a souvenir from the honeymoon. I’m so sad for this little girl.
Right, he just said a "thing" and didn't even give specifics.
They were going to let her clean up afterwards!
That's one of the oldest "I'm saving face" cop outs in the book.
He talked about the ball. Said how great this ball was going to be. Gave details about the ball. That when she gets there, she's not going to believe how great this ball is. There was no ball.
Dude’s a perfect salesman, all talk no action.
Move over Disney Dad, it’s time for Fyre Festival Father!
I completely agree. That man has no balls.
Special thing was supposed to involve a gift. Funny how it hasn’t materialized.
Yes, where’s the gift for your daughter? At least you have that right? A special necklace or something?
Exactly! I feel so bad for this kiddo...and mom. Ive been right where she is, except my ex-husband told our daughter he was getting married, so we waited and waited for an invite plan (he was halfway across the country; we were homeschooling at the time, so there was no concern with schedules). No invite came. Nothing. I had to deal with the end result of a 10-year-old sobbing in the back of the car while coming home from school asking why her daddy didnt love her and how she felt so pushed to the side. It's been 12 years ....but that day was the day my daughter closed that chapter in her life. Now..my present husband and I were married 6 months prior to this event. It was nothing special...just at a jp's house. Our daughter got to pick out a pretty dress and she held the rings. "Daddy" and I bought her a special necklace that she still wears...even as an adult. My present husband has been more of a daddy to her than her bio one ever was.
And not even a gift from the honeymoon either! I cannot imagine going on a big holiday like that and not even getting a little something for my kid left at home. On top of his complete failure regarding the role and the gift and basically any thought for her *at all* it's super shitty. He's all "sorry" but it doesn't look like he's going to try to make amends in any way and I seriously suspect this will be the beggining of the end for them having a decent relationship (if they even had one to start with). The disappointment of this will be *seared* into that little girl's soul and without some serious effort from him it will affect their relationship forever.
Exactly. I get that things fall through, but if he’d actually followed through with a few of what he promised, he would’ve come with the gift *and* had been able to disclose what the role was.
Seriously, even if he didn’t have something prepped, £20/$20 is enough to buy a genuine silver necklace for her to treasure. That’s all it took. He could have picked that up on the honeymoon, or when he got back.
I bet he made it up in the spur of the moment to make his daughter happy (maybe to compensate for something else he fucked up? I wouldn't be surprised) and then forgot all about it. There was never a 'special thing'.
My niece's deadbeat dad got married and he only asked her to be in the wedding a few weeks before it happened. Planned nothing for her, bullied my sister into driving 4 hours and hanging around the area because they were "too busy." Didn't dress shop for her, didnt involve his family to watch her during the reception. Nothing, just hyped her up and got her hopes up. Thankfully she got full blown sick the day before. I about guarantee this guy had jack squat planned for that poor girl. I can't stand loser parents like this.
Exactly he just told them that so his kid would come. He broke this girls heart😢.
Likely only so his family wouldn't ask where his kid was. He clearly didn't care at all that she was there, and from the sounds of it neither did the new wife. His 'special gift' sounds like a closer relationship with her stepdad, because Dad's new wife doesn't want his kid around and once she has a baby, he'll probably drop her completely.
I was thinking this too, it’s all about appearances. He never had a “special” role for her. He’s a crappy parent.
It sounds like mom learned her lesson and married a better man this time around. I predict that 20 years from now, stepdad will walk her daughter down the aisle. Dad might not even be in attendance at this rate. What a pathetic SOB.
>He broke this girls heart😢 That's what I said. "Bravo dad, you're the first man to break your daughter's heart." What a guy.
I'm genuinely tearing up reading this post. My dad is such a good dad and it just hurts to think how she's feeling, because six year olds dont understand excises, they understand whether or not you show you love them. I remember being six and how much daddy means to you as a little girl and getting to do a special thing is so exciting! And I mean she's six! A special thing doesn't have to be big or expensive, it just has to be something between the two of them.
It's so true. I remember when I was 8 or 9 there was talk about me getting to go out of town with my dad for a day or two. I was so excited and talked to everyone at school about it because I would get to miss the friday. I was told the night before that he wouldn't be able to take me anymore and I remember being absolutely crushed. Cried all morning the next day and didn't go into school until the afternoon. I'm pretty sure I would have been bored out of my mind with the 8 hr round trip drive, plus whatever errand he had to run out of town, but I just remember being so excited to spend that time with my dad.
Oh you poor pet!
As someone with a deadbeat dad who keeps making empty promises: he’ll be the man to *always* break her heart when she least expects it, and she’ll always wonder why she isn’t good enough for him to care about her 🫠
Aww man reading this got me right in my heart. I'm sorry you got such a lousy excuse for a dad. I know you know, but just in case- it's 100% not you that isn't good enough for him but the other way round.
Thank you. I do intellectually know that, but some part of me will always wonder, I suppose. It hits harder knowing *he* wanted me after my mom had already given up on ever having bio children, and then he started an affair right after she got pregnant, and that longterm AP then tried to murder me. It’s just… a lot 🫠 I can honestly say it would have been better for me emotionally if he just never had been a part of my life, but alas.
Knowing something and truly feeling it are two very different things. I truly am sorry that all happened to you, he's a shit head to be quite honest. I hope you can heal and move forward. It sounds like cutting him off completely might be better in the long run, if you haven't already.
And if they truly had a *special thing* planned, why didn't they tell ANYONE about it. Not one person. Yep, you're totally right here . . . he's a liar.
Making grand promises makes him feel important.
There's no way that her didn't know when they had left the reception. I highly doubt his mother would have taken his kid home without so much as a goodbye. Perfect time to say "but we have something planned*
I 100% would have asked for more details about the “special thing” he had planned.
She got a special thing. The special "Fuck You Treatment"
Unfortunately it wouldn't surprise me, it sounds like he had basically nothing to do with planning the wedding.
I wonder if the stepmom was so behind because dad agreed to do something for the setup and dropped that ball too.
Oh completely. Plus it’s a convenient way to blame someone else (his mom) for his screw up.
Agreed, wouldn't be shocked if his new wife wants his daughter to just not exist because...I dunno, he has a past that doesn't involve her? IDK. But this was his responsibility and he really dropped the ball.
That’s EXACTLY what he did. New wifey-poo wants nothing to do with his daughter. I hope the sex is worth it.
Exactly and that special gift... he didn't show up with that in hand either. Guy is a mess!
He SHOULD cry. But tears aren't a get out of jail free card, and he absolutely needs to step up and be a parent not a Disney Dad. Because honestly, he's even failing at that. Poor little girl.
When this little girl grows up and gets married, this loser will be whining about how stepdad gets to walk his baby down the aisle and it’s not fair, he’s her *real dad.* “I just don’t understand why she’s doing this to me.”
"Sorry Dad, I was gonna have this big special part for you during the ceremony and get you a nice watch gift, but I guess I \*\*dropped the ball\*\* huh? Then I totally planned something during the reception but we go sooooo busy. Anyway, its not that important right? Look I even cried for like 30 seconds so now its all good."
My fervent wish is that this comes true.
Ditto. This would be so much karmic justice. Kids don't get over these sorts of things. This is now a core memory. They don't forget them. They just stop bringing it up.
Remind me 18 years
"Flubbed" FIFY :)
I'd remind him that a \*real dad\* is the one that stepped up, not the one that just donated sperm.
He'll be like "it was 20 years ago, just get over it, I'm your dad no matter how much I effed up."
That one was in AITA just the other day 🤣🤣 Real dad fuckin jealousy
I feel like being a Disney Dad would actually be an improvement- this guy promised her a fun trip to the parks, then she missed her flight because he told mom to take her to the wrong airport and when she finally got there he'd forgotten to buy her an admission ticket.
I'm wondering if he is an alcoholic in which case he will likely get worse. Ugh.
The broken promises had me thinking he's an alcoholic too
That and the wedding party was apparently plastered pretty quickly after the ceremony. Given how much dad “forgot” to disclose to baby momma and his own mom, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a bunch of pregaming the night before and right before the ceremony.
Well the fact that everyone got so drunk that HIS PARENTS got her out of there says a lot. Either he's a drunk or there's a significant age gap, and it was a younger party crowd.
I have a feeling they were concerned for her safety. He might blame them for taking her out before the 'special role' happened but it sounds like they had good reasons for getting her out of there.
That and they apparently were never made aware of any plans. They may have been protecting her from a scene with drunk SM
If there even were any plans at all. It’s awful convenient to say now “oh we had something for later, so it’s really my mom’s fault for taking my [devastated] daughter home early!”
He's trying to save face because they f-ed up. It's pretty clear the new wife didn't want her around.
Agreed. I am a product of divorce with a crappy narcissist dad, and even MY dad managed to find special roles for us kids in his wedding. This guy doesn’t care and his wife likely did it on purpose (she remembered to set up all of her family, but conveniently blanked on her stepdaughter?).
I had a childhood of broken promises and my dad wasn't an alcoholic. Sometimes it's just the distance and absence. We still talk, things aren't bad, we love each other, but we've never been really close. Divorce does a number on families and the absolute worst thing you can do is badmouth the other parent to your child. The worst part of this story is that I know that will be the outcome. I really, really hope everybody comes out of this okay, but the daughter will of course carry this for years. The dad seems to realize how terrible his actions were and I hope hope hope he finds some way to make it up to her.
Same here, broken promises all the way through but no alcoholics. No relationship now. I would like to know what the association is between alcoholism and broken promises.
And the speed with which the reception became too boozy for the poor kid.
Hes crying bc he now has to face the consequences of his actions and might pay mpre child support if his ex decided to get full custody
Send him the bill for his kid’s therapyyyy!
Ffs As a father myself, these 'useless father' posts make me so mad. He didnt cry enough. I would say that he needs to take responsibility and do right by his daughter. But I bet noone reading this post believes that will happen for a moment. I know I dont. Ugh
Also, he had over 2 weeks to get that present he promised and just flat out didn't. He didn't even bring her back anything from the honeymoon! Wtf. To me it sounds like he didn't remember fuck all anything about his daughter until his ex wife reminded him. Ugh.
Even if we say he totally forgot and thought everything was aces while on his honeymoon, the last few lines of the update indicate that at least a few days have passed since he returned and OOP talked with him. If the deadbeat actually cared and was just absent minded, he would have done something next day for his daughter. Not ambling around like a pathetic loser who can’t even look his ex in the eye.
Or he was hoping it had blown over in those 2 weeks and wasn’t that big a deal after all.
>Ffs As a father myself, these 'useless father' posts make me so mad. >He didnt cry enough. I love you for this.
I remember when my father got married and didn’t tell any of us, I was 11. I’m now in my 20’s and he doesn’t understand why I don’t want him around me or my children. This man is just as fucking useless if not worse
The broken promises are especially egregious
He needs to stop crying and do something to make it up to his daughter.
Narrator: "He Didnt"
The only tears that matters are the ones from his daughter and they never should’ve happened. Poor kid.
She will remember this. I once read a story that concluded something like "For me it was a life changing and scarring moment, for my father it was just a Tuesday" and it will be the same here. I was 10 when my half-sister (then 24) told me she would get me into the cinema, I didn't even know what it was or if it was cool but I was totally stoked. At the end she screamed at me that I better appreciate it she just spend 50$ for one night and I was so confused. I didn't ask for it, I didn't knew if 50$ is much or not, I was fucking ten. This was 17 years ago and I still remember it clearly. Her face, her screaming, how I felt. I don't talk to her since 2020 and didn't miss her at all. This little girl will be the same, her first heartbreak and it's from her own father, how sad of a first experience
>I once read a story that concluded something like "For me it was a life changing and scarring moment, for my father it was just a Tuesday" Yeah it’s a quote from the Street Fighter movie
This is so true. When I was a similar age and my dad came in my room to kiss me goodnight after screaming at my mom, his hands were shaking. I was so disturbed by it. I asked him to promise me not to fight like that with her anymore and he promised. Obviously that promise was instantly broken. I still remember his face in the dim light, the way he leaned over the bed, the way I was terrified to ask but so desperate that I did it anyway. There were many moments our relationship will never recover from, but that’s the earliest one I remember.
I sincerely want to fight this guy and his shit wife. What a horrible thing to allow to happen to your freaking daughter. I'm glad her mother and step father at least care about her.
Haha, my reaction as well! I wish we could wait outside their home and jeer and throw rotten fruit!
Seriously, I would totally show up with some rotten fruit and eggs. Like how calous can you be, in regards to the step mom, and how much of a freaking coward are you, in terms of the sperm donor
My ex husband and his wife invited me to their wedding because my daughter wanted me to go and asked them if I could please come too. My daughter was included in everything, picked out her dress with his wife, even the girls night which was dinner out/spa night at home with family. Everyone had fun, and there’s a really nice picture of me and her new mom with our daughter. There is just no excuse for this guy and his wife.
You guys all sound lovely, especially the new wife to want to make sure her new step daughter is comfortable and has fun and for making sure you were included to. Frankly that's how it should be. And absolutely this guy and his wife are huge assholes.
It took some work to get to where we are, but we did it and we’re all a team. His wife really is a great person and she treats my daughter like her own. It isn’t hard if everyone involved wants the best for the kids!
Oh I'm sure it was all kittens and rainbows lol, but the fact of the matter is all of you were willing to put in the work. More people need to be like that.
You three are how it should be done. The fact that you call ger a new mom speaks volumes about you both... all great. I hope someday, if your daughter chooses to get married, that you recreate that picture. What a special gift that picture is for your daughter. Permission to love you both in picture form, IMHO.
I get the feeling that his mom is pissed too.
She better be, I can't imagine my mum *not* ripping me or my siblings a new one if one of us did this to our own kid. And none of us even have kids yet! It's such an utter dereliction of duty *and* his own daughter on his part. I have the horrible feeling he'll be one of those dads who abandons his "old" family as soon as he starts a new one.
Oh this made me so sad.
Right? Poor baby girl just wanted to be included by her dad. This broke my heart and it’s not even my kid.
Honestly the idea of getting married and not even including your kid in any element of the ceremony is so foreign to me. Really shows what kind of priority she is in his life. Plus the fact that he didn’t even designate someone to watch her during the reception is such a WTF.
He’s “sorry things turned out this way?!” No, this wasn’t an unfortunate situation that arose out of nowhere. He did this to his young daughter. And he apparently hasn’t apologized or made any amends with her. What a terrible father and person. His crocodile tears are worthless. This mom should prepare for 12 more years of this from her ex. I hope they find a good therapist.
>He’s “sorry things turned out this way?!” I think she may have been the one who said that, and left. That's how I read it at least
I read it that way too. “I dont feel bad that he cried though, i told him we could talk on this more another time. Said im sorry things turned out this way, and left” Definitely sounds like she said it to him and not him to her
That’s how I read it too. She tends to use pronouns when referencing another person, but doesn’t seem to use “I” every time she describes her words or actions.
Definitely do this myself sometimes.
See what you did there.
His daughter will remember what he did to her. Making promises that she had a "special thing" in the wedding while it was an entire lie he said to her face. Which I bet that the "special thing" was an entire lie. He didn't even bother to try to make any amends with her or apologized. He just went on his way and acted that he didn't break his daughter's heart. He's just pulling the crocodile tears to make himself look like he was not at fault. He's just a deadbeat dad and Op should definitely go towards getting full-custody since who knows how much heartbreak her ex would put her daughter through.
>He's just pulling the crocodile tears to make himself look like he was not at fault. Fucking demonstrative mourning. People who pull that shit deserve nothing less than scorn, and much, much more.
Or there’ll be an excuse “people are too rowdy, we can’t do the special event”
The dad sounds like one of those people who never actually do anything but always makes promises. I read this as a situation where he probably wanted to do nice things for his daughter, made promises and then just forgot about it or expected someone else to just magically make it happen. I wonder if part of the reason he's an Ex is because OOP was sick of him never following through on anything.
You know this man never remembered a birthday or an anniversary in his life.
He gets off on Making promises. One of those people that “mean well”.
I can speak from experience with my son… disappointment of a neglectful parent can have massive impacts on their confidence. Absolutely get her into therapy… for what it is worth I purposefully avoided serious relationships when he was young, and put so much energy into trying to prop up his relationship with his father. Hindsight - I would have thrown all that energy into finding a partner who would have been a great step father and role model to my son.
My granddaughter is 11 and a daddy’s girl. He is a dead beat dad, drug problems, police are after him - I wish I knew the answer. He bad mouths my daughter all the time calling her names when he is with the kids. You just hope the kids start realizing who the “bad guy” is and what he is saying is all lies.
>Grammy and stepdad were super angry and left and brought my baby home before the plans for her and before cake. He was really upset how it all turned out. He couldn't have felt too bad or he would have carved out a few minutes - at the very least - to call her sometime during the night or even while on his honeymoon. Bravo dad, you're the first man to break your daughter's heart. Way to go.
Man, poor kid. At least that mom is on top of it. I know a lot of people are going to probably comment that she should go no contact or try to get full custody, but honestly I don’t think that would necessarily be helpful in this case. She just really needs to ride that dad’s ass about getting better. And his ex’s wife too!
Also, it's not easy at all to get full custody. And being a deadbeat isn't generally reason enough (sadly)
>She just really needs to ride that dad’s ass about getting better. I don't think that's going to work long-term. Keeping up with what she's already doing (supporting her daughter, looking for therapy, validating her feelings) is the best thing she could do. If this was a one time mistake, things happen. If it is not, daughter will be more prepared to grow up with that kind of dad.
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OOP here, For the first couple years I did ride his ass. But I gave him an ultimatum and told him to be there or don't but to pick one. He couldn't half ass it or I was done. He did ok for a while. Then didn't. It's a yo-yo. I don't make excuses for him. I just do my best to make sure she knows I love her. I give him all the information he needs well in advance to do the right thing, yet he doesn't then he does then he doesnt.
Do you have any idea how new wife is going to treat your daughter? Do they have any custody? I'm just curious. You, however, are doing a great job. It sucks you're dealing with this kind of shit.
She had been great to my face. Always nice. Behind the scenes, I know they drink around our daughter but there are always other adults around. The only thing I've heard is that they fight loudly sometimes. But this is from the mouth of my daughter. The only for sure info I have gotten is from mutual friends or his mom so the Grammy in the story. They spend 2 to 3 weekends with her a month and half that time is at sleepovers with Grammy. We do not have court ordered custody but she lives with me and spends max 6 days a month with them. I've had been and will continue to be on guard about anything going on when she isn't home with me.
She's not going to have to do anything. New wife will make sure he does a slow fade from her life because he'll have a new family. This wasn't a mistake, this was an intentional omission on new wife's (She's not Stepmother material) part
My dad did something similar. Invited his new wife's son to the wedding, but not me and my sister, his only children. Had a bunch of photos hung up all over with the three of them playing happy family. It was heartbreaking. I've honestly never forgiven him, 25+ years later. I hardly speak to him. I text him on special occasions so I don't have to talk to him. My sister still kind of idolizes him but I think even she is slowly realizing he's not a good person. There are a bunch of other crappy things he's done. When he's old he can have his wife's son take care of him (which won't happen because his stepson is completely incompetent). These are the kinds of things that cut deep and scar a relationship.
Oooph yeah for sure, mine got married for a second time, my brother was his best man, my mom (his ex) and gma were invited, etc. I found out about it when my brothers asked what time he should pick me up. Turns out I wasn’t invited because he was scared I’d reject him.
I haven't read all the way to the end yet but I am really hoping that this mom does not buy into the idea that it's anyone else's fault that this father didn't take care of his child. He was straight up the only person responsible for that, full stop. Edit: Okay, not as bad as it could be, thankfully. I'm glad that the dad didn't blame it on his new wife and I'm glad that the mom accepted that it was the dad's failure. But I do want to be clear that two people didn't fail at their "duty of care" because only one person had that duty. Also, it seems pretty obvious that OOP was not at all surprised by her ex-husband's failure to communicate with her. So, I hope she realizes ASAP that he's probably the same way with his new wife, and that the new wife isn't going to be any more successful at getting him to communicate then OOP was while married to him.
Don’t worry, she sticks up for her daughter right through.
Yes, I am very pleased that she moved straight to counseling. Anyone who has experienced a divorce, one parent remarrying and having another baby, and then the other parent remarrying, all in just a few years definitely deserves some counseling.
My parents divorced when I was 18 and both moved away as I was getting into college and remarried within a few year. I'm 28 now and I still have a lot of pent up resentment for the whole thing. I can't imagine that happening to a kid.
I was also a little worried when she said her ex had let his new wife walk all over her daughter and himself... Like, don't make him out to be some victim here. He walked all over his own daughter with no help lol But despite this, the steps she took afterward seem great. I still feel for that poor child, because these things don't tend to get better...
He should feel bad, he should feel like an absolutely failure. He hurt his daughter deeply. And instead of sulking he should do something about it. Or will that be everyone else's responsibility as well?
There was nothing planned for the kiddo, poor little one.
I am getting married in 6 weeks, and my niece (also 6) is going to be a flower girl. She's extremely excited about it all, she came dress shopping with me and came to my hen do (and even planned a little "spa" session for me where she gave me a massage, put a face mask on me and had planned to do my make up. I goofed and forgot the make up). I can only imagine how devastated she would be if something I did not only made her late for my wedding, but then she wasn't at all included, and she's my niece, not my daughter. I nearly cried just thinking how devastated my niece would be if I did that to her, so the thought of seeing it first hand, and it being my daughter AND there's nothing I can do to make it truly better... Just awful.
Gee, I wonder why the guy is an ex-husband. Flubbed hard and is spineless. How this guy got married twice baffles me.
Things like this don't ever leave your memory. I still remember my uncles wedding when I was around 6/7 after I was told that no kids would be in the wedding (my mum was a bridesmaid). Only to show up and see my cousins, aunts nieces and her friends kids all involved - I was the only child not involved in the wedding. Safe to say I was distraught, my mum/uncles side of the family were fuming. What made it worse was my mum had been excluded from most bridesmaid activities, she wasn't informed of dress fittings nor hen-do activities. It's been over 10 years and our relationship with them just got worse after that, I believe the wedding was the tip of the iceberg for the souring of it all - it certainly was for me.
Look my cousin’s ex hasn’t always been the best guy but at their wedding ceremony he invited his daughter from a prior relationship up to the front while they were in front of the officiant and made a lovely speech about how he was also committed to HER for life (longer than he committed to my cousin as it turned out lol) and presented her with a special necklace. It took five minutes and his little girl was BEAMING and she got hugged between her dad and new stepmom and there was not a dry eye in the house. She’s six. It doesn’t have to be gold and diamonds and a parade. Dad COULD have done a little and it would have meant so much. (Also how does the reception disintegrate into drunken rowdiness SO fast that you don’t have time to get around to the cake or whatever little Thing he allegedly had planned for his child? Did everyone do three shots apiece as the couple marched back down the aisle?) Dad dropped the fucking ball and he should feel bad. Maybe he’ll get it right for his kids on his next wedding day but we’ll see.
I stopped talking to my dad for almost 2 years when he excluded me from his 4th wedding. He had excluded me from every one of his weddings (the one to my mom is legit the only one I could not have been at due to not being a thought in anyone’s head) but weddings 2,3 and 4? I should have been at. Weddings are still a sore topic with us. We had a discussion that if he were to excluded me from a wedding again, that I would cut him off forever. He has been assuring me that he will not marry again, but idk. He’s a big boy now and he knows where I stand with this and he can make his choice on how he wants our relationship to proceed. I hope this dad gets his head out of his ass cuz it’s not sounding like stepmom is even interested in thinking too much about the little girl that came as a package deal with her new husband. Edit: typo 😒
He promised her for a year she’d have a special role. This isn’t just forgetfulness. It’s making promises to a 6 year old and then just ignoring them.
Also just the complete lack of communication... If there was a role planned for her, tell her what it is or at least tell ***someone*** what it is. So many balls dropped here. He didn't even tell his own Mom that he had signed her up as the sitter for the night or that something was planned for his daughter during the reception. Also seems like bad planning to have something that late in the evening planned for a 6 year-old who is not going to have a lot to do at a wedding reception if there aren't many kids her age there. Even bad communication is better than *no communication*. And I'm saying that as someone that is really bad at communicating.
He doesn’t care. He’s moving on to his new wife and once she has a kid, poor 6 year old is going to be on the outside looking in. It’s really sad - too many people associate their kid with their ex when they divorce.
Some weirdass comments over there (not from the OOP). Yeesh
Thank fuck I'm not married, or straight, or have children. The moment he started crying I would have lost my goddamn mind.
It’s amazing how many parents turn into huge pieces of weak, useless shit when they get remarried.
Jesus christ. Guy's really going for the shit dad of the year trophy
This is sad. My daughter was 6 when I remarried. Knowing how much she always wanted (and still does on some level) mom and dad to get back together, I realized the day could be a bit tough for her. We had a pm wedding so the early part of the day was all about her. I took her to a fancy place for breakfast, took her shopping to buy a dress (waited till the last minute on purpose), and then we had a fancy lunch. I took her to her mom’s salon to get her hair and nails done, and then bought her a necklace to wear as well. When it came time for the ceremony that night, she “stood up” for me, held my hand during the vows, and handed me the ring. She was happy/sad/scared all at the same time and for an adult to not make part of it special for their kid in a re-marriage is insane to me.
There’s a difference between flubbed and not invested. We start 30 minutes later and forgot to tell everyone, that’s a flub. The color was yellow not orange, that’s a flub. Small things that are a minor to medium inconvenience are flubs. A complete venue change???? Not knowing who’s taking your six year old home???? Getting drunk and rowdy with children present???? Those are glaring issues, not flubs.
If I were to date a man with kids, my first question would be who's going to be your first priority, me or the kids. If he doesn't answer the kids, get the fuck out. Who wants a man who doesn't prioritize his children first?
Aw jeez
Definitely agree with all the comments sympathizing with this poor little girl getting her heart broken but also... How bad do you have to be at wedding planning for the guests to have to set up for the ceremony while you are running an hour late? Sounds like the most chaotic wedding ever.
Id be clear he gets one screw up and this is it. Another will cost him his kid. Deadbeat and Disney dads won’t be tolerated.
Deadbeat. He will wonder one day why he no longer has a child. I have seen this, and it makes me sick. Know one fellow who missed his child’s wedding at the behest of his latest squeeze. He was expelled from the friend group who stood up for him while he was out with the current floozie.
for what it’s worth, i see another wedding in this guys future at some point, bc this relationship sounds like chaos
What happened to the special gift?
That guy was all talk. In his mind, he really meant to get her a gift but either forgot or couldn’t execute the action. He’s the kind of guy that should only make surprises & never make promises.
For stepmothers and blended families everywhere, I just want to say we're not all like this. And I really wish there weren't so many like this. My stepkids walked me down the aisle and stood next to me the entire time I married their dad. They got absolutely royal treatment that day and my stepdaughter felt like a princess. I and my husband wouldn't have had it any other way. This story is just so sad.
There is a website where you can anonymously send a glitter bomb to someone. This. This is a situation I would happily use that website.
Sounds like my dad. He would cry, promise to do better, and then nothing would change.
What's the chance he let new wife organise everything. She said ok you organise zcy z especially for your own family and he couldn't be bothered,
if this was my daughter, I would have gone mental on him. He forgot his own daughter. no fucking excuse. you.dont.forget.your.children!