Yeh 100%. Is he a pedo ? Or is it all completely harmless ? I wonder how well op knows the neighbour ? It would be funny if it was his niece or something.
Statistically low chance an innocent man gets killed vs statistically high chance child gets molested, I know which thing I’m focusing on safeguarding, but you do you big man
I’d definitely have a chat with the kids parents, just say I’ve seen Child out at X time chatting to Neighbour, not saying there’s anything in it but I’d like to know if it was my kid.
For context, I’m a late 30s woman, and walking into my estate the other day I saw a kid about 8 or 10 just stood, I’ve never seen him before, I asked him “are you ok? Waiting for someone?” He said “ya my uncle is picking me up.” “Ok cool, have fun” and I said all of this while walking so as to not freak him out, but to also give him a chance to ask if he was lost or in trouble. I don’t just stop and have casual chats with children, it’s inappropriate.
>I don’t just stop and have casual chats with children, it’s inappropriate.
It's entirely appropriate once the chat is indeed an actual casual one. That's how kids get used to interacting with people of different ages.
The whole 90s/00s "stranger danger" messaging went way overboard, and as a result we have a generation of kids that are inappropriately fearful of trivial interactions with strangers.
It's developmentally appropriate and much safer if children know who their neighbours are, and have occasional interactions with them.
This this this this this this. Shockingly, most people are not actually paedophiles. Kids interacting with people teaches them who the nice and not nice people are. Who are the weirdos.
It's a very unusual situation. You should def have chat with a parent if you see them.
It could also be extremely innocuous. I used to stop and chat with a neighbour most days on my way home from school when he was out doing his gardening. He just liked chatting and it was totally innocent.
Seems a bit odd alright. How often is he having these late night chats like every night? What time of the night is it? How long has it been going on for? I wonder are they related in some way? And that privacy comment reeks of something amiss.
I’d definitely mention it to the parents. Trust your gut.
I can’t think of any good reason why a man in his late 30s is chatting up a 14 year old, tell her parents. But also missing loads of context here, are they talking in public or in secret and how long ? Regardless if it’s happening regularly I would think it’s concerning
Have a talk with the 14 year old’s parent. I doubt they know this is going on. Tell them clearly that it looks inappropriate so they take it seriously.
By the way he said “you won’t get any privacy around here” would make me think he was a bit of a creep. Sounds like he’s trying too hard to be down with thd kids
Very likely extremely inappropriate. There are possible innocent explanations - example: He really likes cats. She really likes cats. They're chatting about cats. The guy is a bit dim, and doesn't grasp how bad it looks. Seems highly unlikely - 'You won't get any privacy around here' says he's not dim, and they're not chatting about cats. Neither is he the coach of some sports club trying to get her to join. No need for privacy for that. The only innocent explanation that strikes me as plausible and requires privacy is if he's a social worker or something along those lines and she's asking him for help, discussing private matters. Seems highly likely to me, without much to go on, that he knows it's inappropriate and can't help himself. Very bad sign indeed.
He is definitely not a social worker and the fact he ran into the house last night is a big red flag. My partner coincidentally was talking to the guards this afternoon and asked them for their opinion and they were extremely invested as they thought it was very inappropriate. They took his name so if anything happens they have record of a recent report.
I 100% agree it sounds sus and that it’s worth speaking with parents.
However… I will say that - as a guy - over the years I have occasionally had “Karen” types do “the long stare” with hands on hips to passive aggressively let me know that they are watching me and that they “know what I’m up to” when - in reality - I’m doing something completely innocuous.
When you’re doing nothing wrong and on the receiving end of that behavior, it’s VERY annoying. It’s a behavior that’s meant to intimidate, and a younger me would definitely have made a snide remark in response to that action.
In this case, a discreet word with neighbour’s parents is definitely the better shout.
This is a good point, and this kind of thing has happened to me too - Karen Troubles. I did read an awful lot into the word 'privacy' here. It's possible that this was just the first thing that popped into the guy's head to say to express his annoyance. Still though, when a person has to reach far to grasp for innocent explanations for what appears to be very suspect behaviour, best to talk to the parents.
What 30 year old man wants to chat with a 14 year old girl? I mean, what are they talking about? The price of milk? I think you should trust your gut. Not sure what you should do, but yeah, it is weird. Unless he is an Uncle or something, what could be so interesting? It is weird.
Yeah the bit about the privacy is not right. If it was all innocent then why say this. When I was 14 I’d have had no interest in standing chatting to someone of that age. It’s definitely inappropriate
You’re very well informed, where are you getting this info from, as in how do you know they’re having this chat ??????
It’s possible you’re jumping to inappropriate conclusions 🤷♂️
Are one of his kids friends with her? Is he a coach in the local football or GAA clubs. Maybe she babysits fir them. Maybe he's good friends with her parents. Maybe she is his niece. Theres plenty of simple scenarios.
No , no, no, no and No!!! I already know he has nothing to do with her and it is in no way acceptable to be talking to her like in the middle of the night. I wouldn't of asked the question in the first place if I already didn't know this. It is people like a few that have replied that made me doubt the situation if I was overreacting or not and now I know I wasn't!!!!!
>Does anyone else think this behaviour is extremely inappropriate or am I overreacting???
I think you are overreacting. If there was anything untoward going on then it typically would happen through online chat. As they're neighbours it's very likely that both families know each other. She may even be their babysitter for example.
All you've got is that they are talking out in full public view, nothing more than that and you're out giving the dirty looks.
No full grown adult should be going out at night talking to a 14 year old.....NO FUCKIN WAY.
unless it's his own family he is speaking to he is absolutely 100% up to something, no man should fuckin ever talk to any child, especially doing it in a seedy way as you have described, there is something seriously dodgy going on.
What you can do is my own question because what is the right protocol.....maybe tell the girls parents.....make an anonymous phone call to the guards.....to be honest I don't know myself.
"No man should fuckin ever talk to any child" - Will you ever touch some grass. Guess I'll stop saying hello to the neighbours kids and I'll be sure to tell them to stop saying hello to my children. Unless I'm a woman, would it be ok then?
You’re saying hello to those kids?! You shouldn’t even be making eye contact with them!
^/s keep saying hello to them it’s the most normal of human behaviour ffs 🤦♀️
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Then, he will have already reported it to the proper authorities and is being a good, supportive adult who has nothing to fear and no need to be scuttling off or making remarks about privacy.
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Give us nosey feckers an update after talking to the parents.
Yeh 100%. Is he a pedo ? Or is it all completely harmless ? I wonder how well op knows the neighbour ? It would be funny if it was his niece or something.
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Yes. Very likely both families know each other very well and op is the nosey neighbour who traditionally peeps out the curtains.
If that is the case then why would he have said anything about privacy? What would a 30yo and a 14yo need privacy for late at night?
Maybe have a word with the 14 year olds parents? See if they are aware of these chats.
and if her dad goes over there and kills the guy ???
Jumping to conclusions more than my ex
Statistically low chance an innocent man gets killed vs statistically high chance child gets molested, I know which thing I’m focusing on safeguarding, but you do you big man
Definitely tell the parents. That sounds so dodgy.
The fact that he's complaining about not getting privacy makes it all the more suspect. Definitely tell her parents.
yeah that was super weird.
Yep, why exactly would he want privacy for his chat with a 14 year old?
Yeah, what are they talking about, Taylor Swift?
I’d definitely have a chat with the kids parents, just say I’ve seen Child out at X time chatting to Neighbour, not saying there’s anything in it but I’d like to know if it was my kid. For context, I’m a late 30s woman, and walking into my estate the other day I saw a kid about 8 or 10 just stood, I’ve never seen him before, I asked him “are you ok? Waiting for someone?” He said “ya my uncle is picking me up.” “Ok cool, have fun” and I said all of this while walking so as to not freak him out, but to also give him a chance to ask if he was lost or in trouble. I don’t just stop and have casual chats with children, it’s inappropriate.
>I don’t just stop and have casual chats with children, it’s inappropriate. It's entirely appropriate once the chat is indeed an actual casual one. That's how kids get used to interacting with people of different ages. The whole 90s/00s "stranger danger" messaging went way overboard, and as a result we have a generation of kids that are inappropriately fearful of trivial interactions with strangers. It's developmentally appropriate and much safer if children know who their neighbours are, and have occasional interactions with them.
This this this this this this. Shockingly, most people are not actually paedophiles. Kids interacting with people teaches them who the nice and not nice people are. Who are the weirdos.
It's a very unusual situation. You should def have chat with a parent if you see them. It could also be extremely innocuous. I used to stop and chat with a neighbour most days on my way home from school when he was out doing his gardening. He just liked chatting and it was totally innocent.
Seems a bit odd alright. How often is he having these late night chats like every night? What time of the night is it? How long has it been going on for? I wonder are they related in some way? And that privacy comment reeks of something amiss. I’d definitely mention it to the parents. Trust your gut.
Maybe the girl is a small person and actually his adult drug dealer.
Maybe the girl is 14 and also his drug dealer.
Happens more than you think
“Are ye alright Sharon?”
Hey Burgess, Snip snip
I can’t think of any good reason why a man in his late 30s is chatting up a 14 year old, tell her parents. But also missing loads of context here, are they talking in public or in secret and how long ? Regardless if it’s happening regularly I would think it’s concerning
It has happened about 5 or 6 times that we are aware of and its late at night sometimes past 12am.
Here for the update when it comes. Definitely weird.
I'd tell the girls parents AND his wife.
Have a talk with the 14 year old’s parent. I doubt they know this is going on. Tell them clearly that it looks inappropriate so they take it seriously.
Yea the bit about the privacy is off- good on you for looking out for the kid aswell
By the way he said “you won’t get any privacy around here” would make me think he was a bit of a creep. Sounds like he’s trying too hard to be down with thd kids
Very likely extremely inappropriate. There are possible innocent explanations - example: He really likes cats. She really likes cats. They're chatting about cats. The guy is a bit dim, and doesn't grasp how bad it looks. Seems highly unlikely - 'You won't get any privacy around here' says he's not dim, and they're not chatting about cats. Neither is he the coach of some sports club trying to get her to join. No need for privacy for that. The only innocent explanation that strikes me as plausible and requires privacy is if he's a social worker or something along those lines and she's asking him for help, discussing private matters. Seems highly likely to me, without much to go on, that he knows it's inappropriate and can't help himself. Very bad sign indeed.
He is definitely not a social worker and the fact he ran into the house last night is a big red flag. My partner coincidentally was talking to the guards this afternoon and asked them for their opinion and they were extremely invested as they thought it was very inappropriate. They took his name so if anything happens they have record of a recent report.
I 100% agree it sounds sus and that it’s worth speaking with parents. However… I will say that - as a guy - over the years I have occasionally had “Karen” types do “the long stare” with hands on hips to passive aggressively let me know that they are watching me and that they “know what I’m up to” when - in reality - I’m doing something completely innocuous. When you’re doing nothing wrong and on the receiving end of that behavior, it’s VERY annoying. It’s a behavior that’s meant to intimidate, and a younger me would definitely have made a snide remark in response to that action. In this case, a discreet word with neighbour’s parents is definitely the better shout.
This is a good point, and this kind of thing has happened to me too - Karen Troubles. I did read an awful lot into the word 'privacy' here. It's possible that this was just the first thing that popped into the guy's head to say to express his annoyance. Still though, when a person has to reach far to grasp for innocent explanations for what appears to be very suspect behaviour, best to talk to the parents.
Why does he need privacy with a 14 year old girl...
As a parent, I’d be happy if someone told me about this even if there was an explanation.
What have they been talking about? Maybe take some notes on what is being said and bring that to her parents.
An anonymous letter to her parents would stop that fairly quickly. Who cares if he knows its you.
If you’ve noticed then it seems weird that his wife hasn’t. How late night is late night? Like after 12?
What 30 year old man wants to chat with a 14 year old girl? I mean, what are they talking about? The price of milk? I think you should trust your gut. Not sure what you should do, but yeah, it is weird. Unless he is an Uncle or something, what could be so interesting? It is weird.
Yeah the bit about the privacy is not right. If it was all innocent then why say this. When I was 14 I’d have had no interest in standing chatting to someone of that age. It’s definitely inappropriate
Are they casual chats?
Man what's with these posts? I keep having to check if I'm in r/ireland
You’re very well informed, where are you getting this info from, as in how do you know they’re having this chat ?????? It’s possible you’re jumping to inappropriate conclusions 🤷♂️
Are one of his kids friends with her? Is he a coach in the local football or GAA clubs. Maybe she babysits fir them. Maybe he's good friends with her parents. Maybe she is his niece. Theres plenty of simple scenarios.
No , no, no, no and No!!! I already know he has nothing to do with her and it is in no way acceptable to be talking to her like in the middle of the night. I wouldn't of asked the question in the first place if I already didn't know this. It is people like a few that have replied that made me doubt the situation if I was overreacting or not and now I know I wasn't!!!!!
>Does anyone else think this behaviour is extremely inappropriate or am I overreacting??? I think you are overreacting. If there was anything untoward going on then it typically would happen through online chat. As they're neighbours it's very likely that both families know each other. She may even be their babysitter for example. All you've got is that they are talking out in full public view, nothing more than that and you're out giving the dirty looks.
No full grown adult should be going out at night talking to a 14 year old.....NO FUCKIN WAY. unless it's his own family he is speaking to he is absolutely 100% up to something, no man should fuckin ever talk to any child, especially doing it in a seedy way as you have described, there is something seriously dodgy going on. What you can do is my own question because what is the right protocol.....maybe tell the girls parents.....make an anonymous phone call to the guards.....to be honest I don't know myself.
"No man should fuckin ever talk to any child" - Will you ever touch some grass. Guess I'll stop saying hello to the neighbours kids and I'll be sure to tell them to stop saying hello to my children. Unless I'm a woman, would it be ok then?
You’re saying hello to those kids?! You shouldn’t even be making eye contact with them! ^/s keep saying hello to them it’s the most normal of human behaviour ffs 🤦♀️
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Jesus you’ve had a howler here today
What does that even mean ?
That was a sarcastic comment you lashed back at
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We have had to remove your post/comment as it breaks rule #3. Mods will remove posts or comments that are non-constructive, antagonistic, or not fitting in with the casual theme of the sub. Be kind to each other! Modmail is always open if you have any questions
What if she is telling him about abuse in the family home and he genuinely wants to help her?
Then, he will have already reported it to the proper authorities and is being a good, supportive adult who has nothing to fear and no need to be scuttling off or making remarks about privacy.
Maybe they're having a chat, like people do.
Leave them to it and mind your own business (And no, this totally isn't the neighbour replying)
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We have had to remove your post as it breaks our founding rule, No politics/religion. The only way this sub continues to be a nice place to be, is by not allowing controversial discussions about politics, religion etc. There's plenty of other subs available to have those chats, so there's no need here. Comments or posts breaking this rule may incur a ban. Send us a modmail if you have any questions.
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Stick to twitter