He sounds dangerous. If you don’t already, maybe get some security cameras and have a friend stay with you for a week or so.
This might get worse before it gets better. Do not keep talking to him. No “wishing him well” just don’t engage. He could escalate to physical so quick. Definitely protect yourself. He sounds controlling AF and losing you… losing that control he had over you , could turn violent. Don’t block him. Just don’t talk to him. You may need his voicemails, emails, and texts as evidence of harassment eventually.
I hope that he just stops, but be prepared in case he doesn’t. Stay safe!
NTA for any of this.
unfortunately most of his vile words are done via phone calls or facetime. therefore leaving no proof that he did anything wrong. he told me today that he has at least a dozen screenshots of me being at fault. i have his number blocked because he always calls nonstop
The calls log showing the sheer amount is harassment. The voicemails could be used. Do not answer the phone. Just let his actions show the harassment. Don’t block him because you need to show the amount of contact. Do not answer or talk to him. Just ignore him without blocking him.
If you stop answering his calls and hang up immediately if he calls on another number, then he has no choice but to revert to text and message. Don't answer or even read those (you don't want him getting "read" notifications), just keep them for "just in case".
In both iphones and androids you can switch off the read notifications. And on instagram if you restrict an account the convo goes into the request folder so when you read it, again it doesn't show the sender that you read them. Keep screenshots of everything people, you never know when you might need it.
100% agree. Ryker sounds very controlling, and hot headed. I think OP shouldn’t block him,so she can get screenshots and get a restraining order against this POS.Because the longer this goes on the more vile these messages will get.
My advice is don't block the emails. Have them sent to a folder that you don't open. Save them as proof if a protection order (or whatever it may be called where OP is) is needed.
Take your emails to the police and have a restraining order put out on him.
How s emails are particularly concerning and he could decide that the emails aren’t enough and he better have it out with you in person.
Be careful my friend.
OH. MY. GOSH. I really hope Charlotte reads this. This is ridiculous, babes.
NTA. Nowhere close. If you had given all those details in your original post there would ABSOLUTELY NOT be any discussion about who is the AH.
This seems very manipulative and abusive. Let's not beat around the bush about it. I think you're brave to come to your senses and leave BEFORE you got married. I know the update is mostly framed around Ryker's behavior but truly he was the bigger issue than Jade.
Babes, please take some much deserved time to discover yourself and be kind! You're too harsh. Not many people talk about being in relationships like this so don’t disrespect yourself by minimizing the impact this clearly had on you. Stand strong. Do not go back to him.
You seem lovely and the next person to come into your life in that capacity should be honored.
Start protecting yourself. If you're very lucky, he'll eventually just fall off after telling everyone how "horrible" you are and that he "dodged a bullet". Unfortunately, more than likely he's going to continue to harass you and escalate because you aren't running back to him this time. He's lost control over someone and he's not going to just give up.
I agree with the other poster that you may want to unblock him yet ignore him so that you have proof. Don't pick up, don't read the texts, don't read the emails. Have your friend go through any communication you receive. It keeps you from being pulled back in and lets her be the judge of when it's time to involve official action. Notify your work that this is going on so they're prepared and can watch out for you if you work a customer-facing job. Get cameras for your home to make sure it records if he comes to harass you in person or vandalize anything. Hopefully this is all not actually needed, but better to have it and not need it then vice versa.
NTA. You were a typical abused woman. We keep going back. We think we can change the unchangeable. I suggest that you consider therapy. You need to love yourself more. Take this time to heal and remind yourself everyday that you are enough and that you deserve to be happy.
Over and over Ryker continues to use my "lack of emotion" as a sign that i don’t care or don’t love him. i'm tired of hearing it tbh. i was stuck - damned if i did and damned if i didn't. i somehow feel like the AH because i'm the one that left and i'm the one that ended things so it feel like it is truly my fault. i have a terrible gut punch feeling of dread now that i'm in a new day. i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
There is no need to feel like the AH.
The relationship was broken. He destroyed it. You left because there was nothing to salvage.
What I can't understand is why he stayed with you if he wanted to be with Jade?
He tried to destroy you. Thank goodness for your friend who could see what he was doing. You seeing the toxicity for yourself is one of THE most difficult things. Even more, well done you for getting out.
Go and live your best life
Honestly, I don't know how anyone could think this was fake. This is a perfectly normal toxic abusive relationship. I'm proud of you for leaving. The fact that you didn't cry meant that the relationship was done years or months ago, and yeah, he's so not worth the tears.
Stop communicating with him. Period. No emails, no SM, nothing. He will use it as a way to convince you that he is right, you are wrong, and you will break your resolve and go back.
Keep listening to your friend. Ryker is a control freak and you do NOT need someone like that in your life. I speak from experience.
Now bestie; make sure you print copies all the emails, and once you have a good amount, go to a lawyer and ask if you can get a protection and restraining order against him bc you don’t feel safe. If he touched you bestie I hope you have pictures and time stamps and bring that as well
You deserve peace and he won’t stop unless you force it
Good luck
NTA
He's crazy. He told you that you would never find someone better? HE is the one who won't find someone better which is why he kept trying to contact through email when you blocked him everywhere. I hope you heal and find happiness 💕
You answering him or communicating with him in any way only continues to feed his control over you. You need to be completely no contact with him. Let the emails puke up, calls go unanswered, etc and block him. Unfortunately, it could rev up his violence when he realizes he's finally lost control over you. Be safe. Be vigilant. Be happy
So proud of you!! ❤️ In the end you have to look after you! Don't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm.
Make sure to document everything just in case. Double check that you're in a state where you only need one person's consent to record.
Your friend sounds like a winner. Keep them around.
If you have a therapist it would be a good idea to schedule an emergency appointment.
Again, so so proud of you! Don't beat yourself up over dating that asshole. You were in the fog but now you can see how fucked up that guy is. There was/is nothing that you could have done to fix that situation. You loving him shows that you're a compassionate person, it's not a sign of weakness. Remember you're not grieving him, you're grieving what the relationship could've been and the time and effort you put in that he completely took for granted. He will never change.
Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to heal. You are stronger than you think. ❤️❤️❤️
I'm glad to see that you've dodged a bazooka by breaking up for good. It's totally ok to feel numb, or however you're feeling. It's also ok not crying. It takes time to heal and sort out your feelings.
Honey, stop answering him. Completely, 100%. You must not continue to talk to him, because that just gives him opportunities to try and gaslight you into taking him back. It is not healthy for you to keep him in your life, so cut him out like the tumor he is. \*HUG\*
I've been in similar relationship drama if you wanna do and have more moral support and chat. 🩷
But you're not crazy. He's just a narcissist. You probably did love and care for him and he abused and took advantage.
Oh for sure! I never graduated college because an ex repeatedly told me I was too dumb for school. When really I have mental disabilities that weren't being properly handled because I didn't know about them.
Well, he’s Jade’s problem now. He’ll treat her well for a while, but a tiger can’t hide its stripes for long. His true colors will eventually make his way into his relationship with Jade and he’ll continue to be miserable. Meanwhile, you take care of yourself. He didn’t set the bar high at all. You’ll find someone much better despite what he says
Oh, Girl! Good job cutting out that cancer. Just DON’T GO BACK TO HIM! I spent many years always going back after I broke up with ex. I finally made it permanent and was able to find the person I would spend the rest of my life with.
He sounds dangerous. If you don’t already, maybe get some security cameras and have a friend stay with you for a week or so. This might get worse before it gets better. Do not keep talking to him. No “wishing him well” just don’t engage. He could escalate to physical so quick. Definitely protect yourself. He sounds controlling AF and losing you… losing that control he had over you , could turn violent. Don’t block him. Just don’t talk to him. You may need his voicemails, emails, and texts as evidence of harassment eventually. I hope that he just stops, but be prepared in case he doesn’t. Stay safe! NTA for any of this.
unfortunately most of his vile words are done via phone calls or facetime. therefore leaving no proof that he did anything wrong. he told me today that he has at least a dozen screenshots of me being at fault. i have his number blocked because he always calls nonstop
The calls log showing the sheer amount is harassment. The voicemails could be used. Do not answer the phone. Just let his actions show the harassment. Don’t block him because you need to show the amount of contact. Do not answer or talk to him. Just ignore him without blocking him.
Yeah she needs to keep all the voicemails and texts
He has sent you emails, you do have proof; those
If you stop answering his calls and hang up immediately if he calls on another number, then he has no choice but to revert to text and message. Don't answer or even read those (you don't want him getting "read" notifications), just keep them for "just in case".
In both iphones and androids you can switch off the read notifications. And on instagram if you restrict an account the convo goes into the request folder so when you read it, again it doesn't show the sender that you read them. Keep screenshots of everything people, you never know when you might need it.
Thanks!
100% agree. Ryker sounds very controlling, and hot headed. I think OP shouldn’t block him,so she can get screenshots and get a restraining order against this POS.Because the longer this goes on the more vile these messages will get.
I'm glad you ended this before getting married. Block his email. Any access to you will just lead to more abuse. Good luck. I hope he stays gone.
My advice is don't block the emails. Have them sent to a folder that you don't open. Save them as proof if a protection order (or whatever it may be called where OP is) is needed.
Take your emails to the police and have a restraining order put out on him. How s emails are particularly concerning and he could decide that the emails aren’t enough and he better have it out with you in person. Be careful my friend.
OH. MY. GOSH. I really hope Charlotte reads this. This is ridiculous, babes. NTA. Nowhere close. If you had given all those details in your original post there would ABSOLUTELY NOT be any discussion about who is the AH. This seems very manipulative and abusive. Let's not beat around the bush about it. I think you're brave to come to your senses and leave BEFORE you got married. I know the update is mostly framed around Ryker's behavior but truly he was the bigger issue than Jade. Babes, please take some much deserved time to discover yourself and be kind! You're too harsh. Not many people talk about being in relationships like this so don’t disrespect yourself by minimizing the impact this clearly had on you. Stand strong. Do not go back to him. You seem lovely and the next person to come into your life in that capacity should be honored.
NTA. Don't be harsh on yourself. He had to be kicked to the curb and good riddance.
Start protecting yourself. If you're very lucky, he'll eventually just fall off after telling everyone how "horrible" you are and that he "dodged a bullet". Unfortunately, more than likely he's going to continue to harass you and escalate because you aren't running back to him this time. He's lost control over someone and he's not going to just give up. I agree with the other poster that you may want to unblock him yet ignore him so that you have proof. Don't pick up, don't read the texts, don't read the emails. Have your friend go through any communication you receive. It keeps you from being pulled back in and lets her be the judge of when it's time to involve official action. Notify your work that this is going on so they're prepared and can watch out for you if you work a customer-facing job. Get cameras for your home to make sure it records if he comes to harass you in person or vandalize anything. Hopefully this is all not actually needed, but better to have it and not need it then vice versa.
Good for you that you got rid of him!
NTA. You were a typical abused woman. We keep going back. We think we can change the unchangeable. I suggest that you consider therapy. You need to love yourself more. Take this time to heal and remind yourself everyday that you are enough and that you deserve to be happy.
Over and over Ryker continues to use my "lack of emotion" as a sign that i don’t care or don’t love him. i'm tired of hearing it tbh. i was stuck - damned if i did and damned if i didn't. i somehow feel like the AH because i'm the one that left and i'm the one that ended things so it feel like it is truly my fault. i have a terrible gut punch feeling of dread now that i'm in a new day. i wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
There is no need to feel like the AH. The relationship was broken. He destroyed it. You left because there was nothing to salvage. What I can't understand is why he stayed with you if he wanted to be with Jade? He tried to destroy you. Thank goodness for your friend who could see what he was doing. You seeing the toxicity for yourself is one of THE most difficult things. Even more, well done you for getting out. Go and live your best life
Honestly, I don't know how anyone could think this was fake. This is a perfectly normal toxic abusive relationship. I'm proud of you for leaving. The fact that you didn't cry meant that the relationship was done years or months ago, and yeah, he's so not worth the tears.
Stop communicating with him. Period. No emails, no SM, nothing. He will use it as a way to convince you that he is right, you are wrong, and you will break your resolve and go back. Keep listening to your friend. Ryker is a control freak and you do NOT need someone like that in your life. I speak from experience.
thank you so much for the advice
Now bestie; make sure you print copies all the emails, and once you have a good amount, go to a lawyer and ask if you can get a protection and restraining order against him bc you don’t feel safe. If he touched you bestie I hope you have pictures and time stamps and bring that as well You deserve peace and he won’t stop unless you force it Good luck
NTA He's crazy. He told you that you would never find someone better? HE is the one who won't find someone better which is why he kept trying to contact through email when you blocked him everywhere. I hope you heal and find happiness 💕
Bestie, I’m so very happy for you. Go no contact with him, and live your best life! Sending hugs ❤️❤️
thank you 💜💜💜
I’m so glad that you’re out of this toxic relationship! He was a terror! I wish you nothing but the best in life
You answering him or communicating with him in any way only continues to feed his control over you. You need to be completely no contact with him. Let the emails puke up, calls go unanswered, etc and block him. Unfortunately, it could rev up his violence when he realizes he's finally lost control over you. Be safe. Be vigilant. Be happy
So proud of you!! ❤️ In the end you have to look after you! Don't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. Make sure to document everything just in case. Double check that you're in a state where you only need one person's consent to record. Your friend sounds like a winner. Keep them around. If you have a therapist it would be a good idea to schedule an emergency appointment. Again, so so proud of you! Don't beat yourself up over dating that asshole. You were in the fog but now you can see how fucked up that guy is. There was/is nothing that you could have done to fix that situation. You loving him shows that you're a compassionate person, it's not a sign of weakness. Remember you're not grieving him, you're grieving what the relationship could've been and the time and effort you put in that he completely took for granted. He will never change. Be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to heal. You are stronger than you think. ❤️❤️❤️
I'm glad to see that you've dodged a bazooka by breaking up for good. It's totally ok to feel numb, or however you're feeling. It's also ok not crying. It takes time to heal and sort out your feelings.
Honey, stop answering him. Completely, 100%. You must not continue to talk to him, because that just gives him opportunities to try and gaslight you into taking him back. It is not healthy for you to keep him in your life, so cut him out like the tumor he is. \*HUG\*
I've been in similar relationship drama if you wanna do and have more moral support and chat. 🩷 But you're not crazy. He's just a narcissist. You probably did love and care for him and he abused and took advantage.
sucks that the narcissist always gets the last word and convinces the other person of their faults
Oh for sure! I never graduated college because an ex repeatedly told me I was too dumb for school. When really I have mental disabilities that weren't being properly handled because I didn't know about them.
Well, he’s Jade’s problem now. He’ll treat her well for a while, but a tiger can’t hide its stripes for long. His true colors will eventually make his way into his relationship with Jade and he’ll continue to be miserable. Meanwhile, you take care of yourself. He didn’t set the bar high at all. You’ll find someone much better despite what he says
Yes bestie and get a restraining order on him bye Ryker
Oh, Girl! Good job cutting out that cancer. Just DON’T GO BACK TO HIM! I spent many years always going back after I broke up with ex. I finally made it permanent and was able to find the person I would spend the rest of my life with.
it's very tempting to go back. have a lot of history. future looks bleak right now but anyone is an improvement over Ryker
Don’t go back! Don’t settle for less than you deserve. You might have history, but read your own posts and see that it was bad history.
Time to hard core ghost. I did that to my abuser and it was such a great relief in the end.