A family we know lost their child in an accidental hot car death last year. I can’t imagine how much guilt they must feel on top of their grief. I’ve always been paranoid about it and used to message parents at my center when kids weren’t there specifically because I was afraid they had forgotten them in the car. I’m sure I was annoying being like “missing Susie. Is everything ok?” Like twenty minutes after their normal drop off.
My son’s school do this, and I’m happy they do (except the day when I got a call and I’d actually dropped him off. Turns out he had been eating a snack during roll call and didn’t want to answer with his mouth full, so was marked absent…)
Similar! When I was teaching second grade, I had two Michaela’s and a new TA who I thought could manage taking role. She marked the wrong Michaela absent and mom (rightfully) FREAKED out because she’d put her on the bus that morning and got the call.
Exactly as long as I had, since the first day of school, and this was about 2 weeks in. I don’t care if it takes a while, I get it, so do I honestly. But if you’re not sure yet, just check!
Our centers policy was that if a child hadn’t been in the school for a few days, we were supposed to call the families to check in. Obviously, in my classroom if I noticed the kid who is rarely absent was absent, I’d call that day and check in. It seems like the families really appreciated this, for the most part.
I implemented this after a mom was held hostage with her 3 kids. They came a little sporadically anyway, but now, if you’re supposed to be there and don’t send a message,
I message by 10am. Parents are super good about sending messages anyway.
Me too! You always have those kids who never ever miss. So when they do miss I always call and text just to check. I like for all my parents to let me know if their child won't be in that day. I tend to worry about all my kiddos.
One of our infants was our for 3 days so we have a courtesy call and the dad got Pissed at me. He said what they were doing was none of our business. I told him we just hadn't had any contact in 3 days and wanted to make sure everyone was ok and he hung up on me.
I honestly didn't expect them to come back, I assumed the worse lol But the next week she showed up with Mom and Dad and they were all tan and had been on vacation. 🙄
Read a story on Reddit recently where the dad forgot the kid in the car and thankfully daycare messaged the mom saying he hadn’t been dropped off. She called the dad and he suddenly realized he hadn’t dropped the kid off! This was an hour later. Thankfully kid was ok thanks to this call.
My daycare has an app where they track diaper changes, feedings, etc, and i get a "daily report started" notification usually within 15 minutes of when Dad drops Baby off! The few times I haven't gotten it when I should, I was able to text him and say "you dropped her off, right?!" Turned out to be a problem with the center's internet, but it's a nice double- check!!
Where I live in Ontario there is now policy/law we need to contact and ensure the safety of children that don’t show up. The call time is based on family. The family that’s always on time? I’m calling asap. The family that’s always late? I wait 30 mins
Hell no that isn't annoying! I'd be extremely happy a caretaker goes the extra mile for the safety of my kid, to the point I'd make sure to tell management what a good employee they have.
Keep up the good work!
My kid's daycare has a policy that they call anyone who hasn't told them their kids won't be there... But at 1015 when they open at 6 (and basically all the full time kids are dropped off by 9). It just seems like that would be a bit too late if something was in fact awry...
You can play the "what if" game forever. If something terrible happened to the family on their way home at 7pm, it doesn't matter if you're calling at 6am or 10am the next day. Should staff call at 8pm at night to make sure everyone got home safely? What if something happens to the child during a planned absence? Should you call that day just to check on? When the child is out on a week long, planned family vacation should staff call every day to check them?
Staff are responsible for children while the children are in their care. Calling to see why a child is absent is a courtesy (unless required by law, of course) and if something bad has happened to the child or family, the responsibility doesn't fall to the child care provider for calling "too late."
So, the policy was put in place because of a law that was passed specifically to prevent child deaths in hot cars. The wording is that centers must alert parents if a child "fails to arrive as expected". My point is that my kid's center's interpretation doesn't really fit the wording and would also fail to prevent got car deaths. To be clear though, I think it's a stupid policy/law because it shouldn't be the childcare workers' responsibility and they have more than enough other shit on their plate.
My daycare has a "safe arrival policy". If a child hasn't been dropped off within 30 minutes of their usual time, we message/call down the list of contacts until we reach somebody who can confirm the child's whereabouts. Two years, we've not had to implement it, but everything I explain it to the parents, they love it.
if i ever had kids i’d feel much safer leaving them in your care, cray sh*t happens, i’d rather know i had a 3rd person in addition to me and my spouse looking after my kid.
I would do this over my phone. If I’m tired or distracted, I would likely forget my phone in the car as well. A missing shoe, however, will become immediately noticeable to me the moment I step out of the vehicle.
I already leave my phone in the car all the time (when I go anywhere) because I'm so tired and distracted. Purse is good because I can rarely get too far without it, one shoe is so perfectly immediate though.
Same with the keys. If I leave my phone in the car I notice relatively soon because I’ll need it for something. Though I’ve left my phone behind with my kid when I he was small enough for the bucket seat.
I suppose I have gotten spoiled by having a newer car that beeps at me and won’t lock if the keys are in it! I am borrowing my parents car at the moment while they use our van and I keep having to remind myself to make sure I have the keys *in hand*.
This is me too haha. One thing I made a habit of is always cranking the ignition before putting a child in car seat and leaving it on until she’s out. We live in the Deep South and this stuff terrifies me.
That is a much better idea. I forget my phone all the time, especially in warmer weather when it's not in a coat pocket. Just the other day I was taking my son to an appointment almost an hour away and then doing some shopping in the area and left my phone at home. It took me five hours to start wondering where the phone was and until we got home to realize I'd never taken it with me. I'm less likely to forget the child than the phone.
I had a parent come in to drop off their kids. Brought the toddler, the preschooler, all the stuff. Baby teacher asked where baby was- face melted. Ran to the car. Usually Baby was at home with other parent, but not that morning.
Baby was okay. But, it happens. Even when you think it won't.
Very true. There are so many who say “That would never happen to me I can’t believe you would ever forget a child.” I worry more for the people who react that way instead of the, “You never know! I always take precautions.” person/ parent.
In Ontario, Canada all daycare centres and licensed home have to have a system in place to notify parents if their child doesn’t arrive by a certain time. This came about when a child died in a car after the parent forgot to drop her off at daycare.
My nightmare, as someone who locked my keys in my car a dozen times, was accidentally getting locked out of the car while the kid was in there. I always meant to tape some sort of window breaking tool to the bottom of the car as a backup plan, but instead just never closed my driver's door until I had gone around and opened baby's door. (Anxiety is no way to live. But I always figured the few extra steps were good exercise anyway.)
This would terrify me and why I’m glad not only do my keys and phone open my car but I have a pin pad and my car doesn’t lock with my keys in it and will beep at me with them in it.
Happened to me once, my 1 year old, 3 year old and my dog all locked in the car in the daycare parking lot. Luckily it was winter so I was more likely to suffer from the elements than they were but still a stressful wait. The kicker was my 3 year old wasn’t even strapped in yet and could’ve easily climbed into the front seat and unlocked the door for me but he refused. I even tried to lure the dog to press the button but no such luck
Ever since I had a baby I try to always wear clothes with a zippered pocket so I can keep my keys in there at all times when I’m wrangling my toddler. Or I have a small crossbody/fanny pack that I keep on me even while driving. I know it’s not feasible for everyone but it helps me.
I got a bangle bracelet keychain, so I don't leave them in the car. My car key hangs on it, and I put it on my arm, up my my elbow, while I load things, including my kid. I was so scared of locking them in the car and just kept putting them down in the car/car seat cup holder/door.
Same here, my car won't physically lock with the keys inside but i always make sure they're in my pocket when putting my toddler in her seat and walking around to my door. I always open my passenger door first to put my purse and stuff in.
I’ve had a mirror since birth and it’s a must have. But when my son was a newborn, the first time I drove alone with him at night, I glanced back there and couldn’t see anything because it was dark and there was no lights. I panicked thinking I’d left him behind. I did not leave him behind, he had been crying like 2 minutes before that so I knew for a fact he was back there 😂 I still had to turn the car lights on to double check though. I was a wreck those first few months haha
I forgot once . I can still feel my heart in stomach when I remember . Where’s baby I thought you got her out . I thought you djd . I have never ran so fast in my life . She’s 4 now and still my absolute world .
Yep. All it really takes is a change in routine! We’re creatures of habit. That’s why if our routine is changed I call whoever is dropping my son off after drop off to ask how it went.
When mine were little, I used to put my briefcase and/or handbag right in front of their car seat, depending on where I was going to or coming from. The two things I never left behind. I was always tired back then and right around the time my first was born someone was in the news having left their kid behind in a hot car. I was scared to death that the next one would be mine.
I love this PSA and agree 100% - it could happen to anyone and preventative measures are better than anything else. I’d just like to encourage you to revise this wording when sharing about this topic:
> Nearly everyone is very attached to their phone
When we say this to explain that a baby will be remembered if they’re next to the phone and we use specifically the word “attached” for the phone being more likely to be remembered over the baby, people are instantly going to focus on how only “bad” parents would be more attached to the phone than the baby. Of course, this isn’t what you’re saying, but people’s reactions to this topic is often visceral and filled with wild reasoning for why this wouldn’t ever happen to them (even though we know this spans beyond gender / income / background / etc).
Instead, I’d say something like **”Nearly everyone has a daily routine that involves checking their phone regularly”** because that’s what I think you’re really trying to highlight here: that because people are so used to checking their phone in their regular routine, they’ll realize it much quicker than if they had a change of schedule and therefore didn’t have a system / routine in place to check for the baby.
This feels rather pedantic but I felt compelled to share anyway since it would make a difference in how people, especially those that aren’t familiar with the topic / have judgements on prevention, will take it. Hopefully you see the good internet here. Again, I love that you brought this up. Thank you!
I completely agree. There are already a few comments on this thread that say things similar to “get your kids taken away if your phone is more important than they are”. The problem with that line of thinking, as you mentioned, is that it puts them in the mindset of “this would never happen to me. I value my children way more than any object I could put in the back seat.” Of course you do, but it could still happen to any of us, which is why these measures are so important to take.
Thank you. This post was not meant to be inflammatory, it was meant to protect children AND their parents. I would never want a parent to suffer the pain of losing their child in such a way. The most common way this happens is when there's a change in routine. We've all driven to work on kind of autopilot, haven't we? Example: parent A typically does morning drop off. Parent A had an early morning meeting, so parent B was supposed to drop off the baby. Parents are typically tired, particularly in the first year so they just drive to work. Baby fell asleep on the way, so is quiet when you park. Tragedy strikes loving, caring parents too.
Some car seats have sensor clips now that Bluetooth to your phone and if you leave the vicinity with your phone without unbuckling the clip, it sends a message to your phone three times and then contacts your emergency contacts
When I shut my car off, if a seatbelt is plugged in, it says a reminder/warning to check the backseat.
It goes off everytime because I have a seatbelt plugged in for my dog since she just gets snapped to the seatbelt when we get in the car
A lot of people online bristle about carelessness, but most hot car incidents happen after a change in routine. Someone else does drop off, you start the day at a different time, etc. A lot of tired parents have to run on auto pilot during busy parts of the day, and that’s when mistakes happen
People who say how could you ever forget them. Auto pilot! You only drop off some days the other parent usually does it so drive right to work on a drop off day. Or Grandma who doesnt always have kiddo in car. Or someone just having a bad morning dropped at the middle school and primary school already and got a call about something so drove right off. Easy done especially if it's a change of routine
YES! If you have ever accidentally driven toward work or home when you meant to go somewhere else, you are capable of forgetting you have a child with you.
....but if you lock your keys in the car how will you call 911? This is a well-intentioned idea but I suspect accidentally locking yourself out of your car happens much more frequently than forgetting your child is in the back
This happened to me and my husband once. His keys and phone were in the car. I accidentally locked the car while I was getting out and didn't notice. She was fine, wasn't distressed even though we did have to wait for the fire department to come. But he had to run into the gas station to tell me to turn the air on with my app and then call the FD.
If my toddler was locked in my car I personally would not want to be frantically running around trying to find another person to call 911 for me, as I wouldn't want to leave them alone. My toddler would probably be scared sitting in a rapidly hearing car by themselves and having mom be gone even for a few minutes to find a phone would be scary. But that's just me. If your child would be fine then by all means keep your phone in the back.
Hello. Cold climate here. Gentle reminder- snow sometimes piles up to your knees and you actually bring extra shoes to change into at work because of the necessity of really warm snowboots.
So the shoe thing doesn’t work for me.
I think the idea is that you would notice as soon as you stepped out of the car. In your case, you would leave both one boot and the work shoes in the back (assuming you change your shoes in your car - everyone I know changes at their desk and wears the boots from the car to the building, as well).
🤷♀️ I like to be warm in the car. But I don’t have a garage or remote start, so that could be part of my issue. 😂 no way I’m taking my warm boots off when I get in the cold car… and then how to I get to the second boot, if it’s by the car seat and I have to step through snow to get into the back seat?
I guess I'm not describing it clearly - you'd go to the car, heat it up with both boots on, take one off, put it in the backseat, but still within reach, then drive to work. At work, you'd reach back to grab the boot - you'd have to turn your body to see the boot, and, upon doing so, you'd also see your child. If you forget to grab the boot, you'll notice immediately when you step into the cold snow.
ETA: Regardless, this was presented as an option, not as something that would work for everyone, so I don't really think the reminder was needed - the person who suggested leaving one shoe just said it was something else that people could do.
I had terrible, terrible postpartum anxiety, and this scenario would replay in my mind over and over. We ended up getting a car seat camera definitely one of the best purchases!
I was super worried I would forget my kids when they were babies, so I started putting my purse in the back in between the car seats. My kids are 29 & 30 and I still put my bag in the backseat out of habit.
An honest question, at what point is it possible this will happen? My baby is 10 months old and I've only just gone back to work this week. Up until now, she has come everywhere with me, and almost every car trip is with her. I'm worried now.
It can happen to anyone - most likely when a change in your normal routine has occurred. Someone once told me the best way to prevent this from happening is simply to genuinely believe it could happen to you. I know I am thankful for my vehicle’s “check rear seat” warning.
I recommend this article. It is difficult to read (emotionally) but really opened my eyes about this topic, which I used to (especially before I had kids) think could only happen to inattentive/subpar parents: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html
Or here if you don’t wanna make a free Washington post account: https://mitchellhamline.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2012/01/Fatal-Distraction.pdf
I appreciate the trigger warning, oh my god.
I will be mandating a shoe in the back seat if anyone drives my daughter anywhere, myself included.
I simply would not survive.
While I agree with the sentiment you should believe it could happen- you also shouldn’t be so worried. Prepared, but not stressed. Because you typically have your child, it’s probably more your routine to look for them so it is lower risk in the case of normal routine. The biggest risks occur when, for example, you never do daycare drop off. But Wednesday you need to do drop off, so you buckle everyone in, jump in the car, and then 3 minutes later your turning on to the highway and go the direction of work instead of daycare because your brain defaults to your typical routine. You get out of the car, kid has fallen asleep so never made a peep- and toy go to work like normal.
Basically, make it a habit to check for your kid when you get out of your car no matter what. Add in an extra defense for anything out of your daily routine (shoe in the back, call partner to make sure kids got to daycare, etc).
I don't have kids and my car app for my phone sends me messages if it senses any weight over 5 pounds in the back seat. All cars should have this as a standard feature.
I appreciate this post so much because I remember when infant car deaths caused SO MUCH judgement. People did NOT want to believe it can happen to anyone, or think about how our brains are wired to auto-pilot routines, and changes can cause this kind of tragedy in even the most loving, attentive families.
I love this focus on SOLUTIONS without judgement. Thank you, OP.
Like other redditors, it's hard for me to understand how you could leave your own child in a car. The thing is, babies often fall asleep in cars. No one is forgetting a crying or screaming child or one that babbles up a storm.
It's distressing when we hear about children being left in hot cars and dying--it should be!! But it happens every summer and will likely continue to happen, unfortunately. It's better for people to talk about it and to exchange tips in hopes that a few less children are left in hot cars.
I never understood it either. But then I had a change in my routine and I didn't forget my child. But the things I did forget were completely gone from my brain. Like, my brain omitted them as not important. And I suddenly understood completely how this happens. It was nothing like what I thought it meant when people say "they forgot their child", it was like the things I hsd regularly done for months, even years, just weren't something I thought about at all. I think that's what people are missing. If it doesn't happen to you then you won't get it. But for the people it does happen to, I'm sure they wish they'd done something small to help disrupt that strange brain quirk.
I think it's very similar to how many people can't understand what leads parents to abuse their children in horrible ways. To be clear, I'm not accusing parents who leave their children in cars of being abusive nor am I excusing abusive behavior. That said, I work at an inpatient psychiatric hospital and some of the trauma histories I take from patients during admissions are so extreme that it makes you wonder how the person is able to function as a human in any capacity. Like I said, it doesn't ever excuse someone from abusing another person but it sure does open your eyes as to how a person got from point A to point B.
Take off your left shoe and put it in the backseat next to the child. You might walk off without your phone, but you are surely not walking away from the car wearing just one shoe.
My husband set up an automation in home assistant using our vehicles gps to alert both of us when the kids were dropped off and picked up from daycare. It also asks us if we left kids in our car anytime the vehicle stops for a few minutes. Thankful for those automations.
You can also toss a shoe in the back seat, or put a stuffy in the passenger seat whenever you buckle the child in. Getting a mirror so you can see your baby is also very helpful. I’d recommend one with 2 buckles, and a curved mirror. If it’s a flat mirror it’s possible that it could start a fire or at least cause some nasty hotspots.
My kid is now sixteen. I went back to work when she was twenty weeks old and I started putting my lunchbox in the back seat, so I'd have to check my back seat before going into the office. My spouse put his laptop bag in the backseat. Our kid has been out of a car seat for years and we still do it out of habit. That lizard brain that drives on autopilot is scary, and anything we can do to combat it is worth it!
A school bus driver missed a school stop on our sped bus and parked and left Two kids alone. Luckily it was a cool day AND a half day so I believe it was only a couple hours and thank God they were okay.
Because these things happen most often when people are out of their routine. Phones aren’t part of your daily routine *sometimes*, they’re part of it all the time. And this is a tool to help people keep the many balls they’re juggling in the air. It’s not a matter of people caring more about a phone than a kid.
If you're used to not having the helpless human with you at work, your brain may filter out "check on child" but if you're used to checking your phone before you get out of the car and it's not where you put it once you pull into the space you park at work, it may prompt you to look. It's all a matter of autopilot.
It works the same reason putting a shoe back there works.
When your routine shifts, if your brain is processing with the *idea* that your child is else where you are unlikely to notice that they're not elsewhere. But, your brain is expecting your phone to be with you when you get out of the car(at work or the store or the doctors office), even when your baby is not. Same with the shoe. Your brain will notice that your shoe isn't on outside.
It's intentionally breaking up your routines to make sure you know that there *is* something different occurring.
Humans are creatures of habit. If parent A usually does drop off and parent B goes straight to work, parent B might go into autopilot and go straight to work.
Because it's usually not a part of their routine and having their phone with them is, especially if you're on the younger side and have had one on your person since you were much younger. I mean, even when I was younger and first got an inhaler I would never forget my phone but would forget my inhaler.
The thing is, if you forget your phone in the car you would notice quickly, as soon as you reach for it to check something or write a message. If you forgot that you had the baby there might not be a trigger that would remind you until it's too late.
Also, most of us have had a smartphone giving us hundreds of dopamine hits per day for over a decade now. We’re deeeeeeeeeply addicted. Babies are new.
This is how:
A combination of evolution, brain and memory function, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model.
www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime
www.kidsandcars.org
For me - I was a new mom and had to pick up my roommate from work and needed a couple groceries while I waited (he worked at Walmart) and I legitimately forgot I had a whole ass baby two months ago. Sleep deprivation can do a lot of damage for people. Luckily for my it wasn’t summer and it was only 10 minutes and nothing bad happened. I still feel like shit and she’s almost six. But I do tell this story because people are way too harsh sometimes. If it’s on purpose OBVIOUSLY they deserve the hate but it can happen on accident.
Honestly, without judgement I think the same thing. I’ve left my phone in the car several times because I was too busy fussing over baby. This feels backwards. However it does happen, I’ve heard of stories where parents forget to drop their child off at daycare first or are used to another parent having them I’m not judging but personally I do pretty much all the baby care as a BF mom and he’s at the front of my mind always
This is a really dangerous mindset, just so you know. When you think it could never happen to you, because you would NEVER, you are not taking the proper precautions to make sure it doesn’t.
Until, one day, your Brain falters - just for a moment, and through no fault of your own - he isn't...
Through a combination of evolution, brain and memory functioning, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model.
It takes only once for your son - for *any* child.
Only one time for you.
Awareness and understanding are crucial.
www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime
www.kidsandcars.org
So, you're not really sorry.
Let's hope that, if you have children, you never *have* to be "sorry" because you will have taken time to understand how parents do not remember that their child is in a vehicle:
Through a combination of evolution, brain and memory functioning, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model, it takes only once - for *any* child.
Only one time for you.
Awareness and understanding are crucial.
www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime
www.kidsandcars.org
This is how parents can forget their child:
A combination of evolution, brain and memory function, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model.
www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime
www.kidsandcars.org
This saddens me because so many young babies/toddlers/children are lost because of parents "forgetting them" in the car or leaving them to run in the store to shop or whatever they are doing. I do not understand how they can suddenly forget they have a child in the car and leave them there. Yes, the phone idea is great but there is going to be that one day they do not place the phone with the child and then what? I think parents need to change their habits and be very well aware they still have the little ones in the car and need to make sure they are tended and cared for.
The parents that forgot their children also thought "I don't understand how it could happen". It could happen to anyone. It usually involves an overworked tired parent who's schedule was a little different that day. That's it. I also think I would never be able to forget my baby, but that's literally what the parents of children who died thought.
Thinking you are incapable of doing it is the problem.
There are devices, special carseat attachments you can buy to prevent it, but the problem these brands faced was that no one was buying them because no one thinks they are capable of forgetting.
The most common time for this to happen is a change in routine. Doctor appointment instead of straight to school? Mom usually takes baby on Mondays and Wednesdays and Dad makes the trip the other days? Switching days can be all it takes to cause a parent to drive to the office and forget the child is even with them. Human brains are wonderful terrible creatures of habit. Disrupting habits leads us to forget all kinds of things. Especially a silently sleeping child.
I was on a varying weekly schedule for a while. Two days a week baby went to Grandma's house instead of daycare, and Grandma's house was one freeway exit away from my office. This was when she was young so often fell asleep on the drive. Twice during this time I took the exit for work instead of Grandma's house, and once I actually pulled into the driveway of my office when I heard a little sigh from my baby I'm the backseat. Now, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't hear that sigh. It wasn't summer so if Grandma had called within 30 minutes or so wondering where we were the baby probably would have been OK? But seeing I got as far as the office parking lot I probably would not have checked the back seat when leaving the car if I hadn't had something trigger my memory.
Edit: I also had a lot of anxiety about leaving kids in the car during that time and would often at work have a brief moment of panic and then have to walk myself through remembering that day's dropoff. And I also made a habit of a morning call with my husband to let him know how dropoff had gone. So I probably would have had some trigger to remember but it didn't happen before I got to the office. But for some reason I was resistant to things like putting my shoe in the back seat. I have 3 times forgotten to buckle in one of my kids if their door got closed and they climbed into the seat themselves, so it's definitely easy to forget things!
I agree to a point and I won't argue it but will say that even with changes the parents should be well aware of what they are doing and the changes made so it does not happen. It is basic common sense is all. I know people can get caught up in things, but to get so caught up to forget the kids are in the car? Or just leave them to go grab something real quick? No, I think in a lot of instances they could recall the child is there.
It has to do with how our brains work and how human memories are formed. Have you ever meant to stop for a gallon of milk on the way home and forgotten? It’s kind of the same thing. It’s nothing to do with how valuable the child is to you and everything to do with how brains work.
I have forgotton items a lot of times but when it came to my kids (value had nothing to do with this either just common sense and thinking) I made sure one way or another I did not put them in a situation that would not turn out good. It is not so hard to do that even when you have gone more than a couple days with no sleep and still have to function, I have been there, I still made sure my baby or kids were where they should be under many different situations emergency or not, major change to day routines or not.
Please read the article “fatal distraction” about this cause
I get that it’s easy to feel safer if you feel superior, but I think it’s actually safer to understand how errors can happen
This article changed my life and I recommend it to folks every year. Everyone should read it whether or not they have children.
One of the moms profiled is a friend of my friend and she described her as one of the most attentive and responsible people she's ever known.
The hubris of people who insist they "would never" makes me bonkers to the point that I refuse to engage with them unless they've read Fatal Distraction. I can't imagine reading that article and still believing this only happens to selfish idiots who don't love their kids.
It is actually VERY hard and you have been very lucky to never have a lapse with dire consequence. I deeply hope that you continue to have this good fortune.
Yikes.
Your take is either very uneducated or very unempathetic.
I feel bad for the parents of your students. If we can feel the air of superiority and the condescension of your judgement over the internet I can only imagine what they pick up from you in person.
Think what you will of me but you do not know me. I grew up in a differen time that I guess you guys have and learned things differently and I never growing up heard of this happening to kids and we were left in cars all the time. So things have changed. And my mother drilled me to make sure that I never left my kids in the car. All I am saying is in normal circumstances like change between who does drop off of kids that the parents should be aware and communicate to each other about it. An emergency would be a lot different story. But to change things up in a schedule is common everyday thing. So that makes it hard for me to understand the thought process here. I am not unempathic or uncaring. And I am very trusted with the kids I work with. If I did not think I could handle this job I would not.
Judgemental is when your making assumptions about people you do not know or their thought process or where they come from. If you can not agree to disagree ot at least just hear out someone's ideas that is on you. It is okay to have a different thought on things without people coming back at you calling you uncaring, uneducated or unpempathic.
I know it's not productive to say, but I've never gotten a chance to say it in a natural, real circumstance, so please excuse me as I say:
**OK, boomer.**
Ironically, people that think like you do, are *exactly* the type of people who do leave their kids in the car on accident. The "*It could never happen to* ***me****!"* type.
Look up prospective memory, look up confirmation bias. Learn some psychology and how human brains works, or listen to people who, despite being younger than you*, can in fact be more educated than you and know more about something than you do.*
Educate yourself, or you'll continue to look like a conceited fool:
[https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30835167/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30835167/)
[https://journalistsresource.org/health/child-dead-left-hot-car-research/](https://journalistsresource.org/health/child-dead-left-hot-car-research/)
Just curious, are you a parent? Because I feel like until I became a parent I didn't understand this either but I feel like now that I am a parent I have found my mental load went from 0-100 and I totally get how this could happen now. It's easy to judge but honestly this could happen to any parent, even the "perfect" ones with excellent habits.
Edit: to clarify, I'm talking about forgetting your child was in the car not intentionally leaving a child in the car to run errands.
I think it's insane people can "forget" their kid to where they have to put a cell phone or some other "important" object back there too. How in the actual hell are you forgetting your child but not your phone???
Through a combination of evolution, brain and memory functioning, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model.
It takes only once for *any* child.
Only one time for you.
Awareness and understanding are crucial.
www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime
www.kidsandcars.org
From what I've seen, it's not really about level of importance or value of whatever/whoever is in the back seat, it's about routine. People are suggesting putting those objects in the back because they're things you've already gotten used to using throughout your day for years (phone, shoe, purse, jacket, etc) having a new little human that hadn't always been there before combined with other routine changes, sleep deprivation, general stress, and miscommunication seem to be the main causes for parents who have had these incidents happen or almost happen. Sometimes you are just on autopilot.
Exactly. It has nothing to do with your conscious priorities. When we are going about doing routine things every day, a different part of our brain kicks in that is entirely subconscious and works on automatic habits. If that brain kicks in when you’re supposed to be doing something out of the ordinary, it won’t register, whether it’s picking up food on the way home from work or dropping the baby off at daycare. Those things are obviously of different levels of importance to your conscious brain, but your subconscious “habit” brain just does not work that way.
Seriously? I can almost guarantee that you're not a parent with this response. No one forgets their child in a car because they're careless or not overly concerned with their kids. It's a horrific tragedy that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
If this is to me, I am a parent and I am not perfect but I never left a kid in the car even on accident. But I should not have to defend myself because I did not allow changes in my day or sudden changes or emergencies make me forget my kids in the car on accident.
You still seem to be struggling to understand that forgetting is not a choice.
You didn't will your way through not having a tragedy. You got lucky. You got lucky that your brain wasn't so sleep deprived it thought it had already gotten your child to a safe location. Some people are very, very unlucky.
No one chooses to forget. "I did not allow.." no, you were lucky that your brain did not make a mistake.
I have had tradedy in my life do not even try to say I have not. But I have willed my way through things you do not know about. I have been so sleep deprived that I had to double check myself on where my kids were. I have been in the close call moments like anyone else, I just did not allow myself to forget the kids were there too. I am not going to get into this anymore I just disagree with some here and that is it.
I feel the same way you do. Leaving a child in a hot car is not an accident, it's neglect. It is EVERYONE'S responsibility to make sure a child has gotten out of the car. There is no "Oh, it's dad's turn" or "I thought you had him". The driver needs to check the car every time, and confirm that the child is not in there. Any passenger also needs to check the car seat and make sure the child is not in there.
>I think parents need to change their habits…
Uh this is literally part of changing habits—creating layers of protection so you *can’t* forget you have a child in the backseat.
There’s always two or three people who think they are too conscientious and in love with their kids to ever forget them in the car when this subject pops up. As if they are super special extra amazing parents that bad things don’t happen to.
Almost every single one of the parents who forgot their kid in a hot car thought it could never happen to them. Almost every single one loved their kids as much as you love yours. This is simple human brain error that can happen to everyone. You’re not special. And you are more of a danger to your kids because you think you’re infallible and therefore won’t use these techniques so you can’t forget.
Just put the reminder object in the back of the car. It’s not that hard.
The parents that have left their children in the car also often thought "I would never do that. It could never happen to me."
Yet, it did and does.
Through a combination of evolution, brain and memory functioning, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model.
It takes only once for *any* child.
Only one time for you.
Awareness and understanding are crucial.
www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime
www.kidsandcars.org
You're getting my upvote in a sea of down votes. The idea that your phone is a more integral part of your life than your kids are is not ok in my opinion.
It’s not about importance it’s about HABIT. Every single time I leave my car I grab my purse. 100% of the times! But my kids are not in my car 100% of the time. So the habit is not as engrained. Now Ive never forgotten my kid, but I absolutely can see how it happens.
I’ve certainly gone on autopilot while driving tons of times. The brain is a strange thing and changes in routine or exhaustion or illness can cause lapses in memory. It’s not that you forgot your kid- it’s that you forgot they were in the car.
My phone is not more importan how is that even a thing to talk about here and has nothing to do with topic.....where are you all getting such ideas.....
I was sharing an opinion but some of you are being so judgemental it is not funny. If you do not like my comments say so, do not go behind other things to belittle me. You do not know me from Adam. I spend less time on my phone than a lot of people do.
I thought that people in this particular sub Reddit would be more willing to listen to others comments or thoughts on things as they are supposed to be professionals. I find it riduculous that I have a word spelled wrong because of a hardware glitch on a keyboard I can not fix because I am not a hardware person and that I had to use my phone to be able to reply to a few posts and people are in an uproar over that. If you can not stop being nit picking about how I respond with what I have available to use or how I do it, then you are not as professional as you should be on topics related to care of children.
Gosh, I did not know I could not have a differing view of the world. I am done with this.
As a parent I cannot fathom leaving/ forgetting a child in the car. And if one’s cell phone is the only way to remember there’s a child in there? Please find a loving and safe home for your child that is far away from your incredibly selfish butt.
I hope you never have to eat humble pie for this statement. Its so easily done with a change of routine and extra stress, even by the most diligent parents.
There is no amount of stress or change in routine that can or will EVER make a cell phone take priority over a human or pet in a responsible adult’s care. That’s ludicrous. I know many many adults who have immense stress, frequent routine changes, and unimaginably difficult situations and not a single one of them have forgotten a living being in their car or needed to put their electronics next to them to remember that a person was in the car with them. My point is that your phone shouldn’t be more important than the child. If you would forget the child without putting your phone in the back next to them the phone is clearly more important than the person because you remembered the phone and not the person.
It's about routine. Many people never leave the house without their phone and therefore never leave the car without their phone. Most parents will sometimes go out without their children, often there'll be a routine and pattern to this. If they follow the same routine but suddenly the child is there, our automatic habits can override our best intentions.
But you'll never see that. I bet you think your child will never get a bump or fall because you'll just watch them perfectly.
Goodness, that’s a rather large jump, assuming I think children never get bumps and bruises or think I’m a perfect parent 🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻 no, I don’t think I’m perfect and yes I do understand that kids get bumps and bruises. I don’t think you will ever understand my point, or see things my way. I’m talking about folks blaming “stress and routine” for their parental neglect , plain and simple. This is becoming a moot point. I’ll no longer be checking responses or replying to this.
Anyone who needs a reminder that their child is in the vehicle shouldn't be allowed to have them.
Jesus Christ, it's a whole person, not a bag of cat food.
*"Anyone who needs a reminder that their child is in the vehicle shouldn't be allowed to have them. Jesus Christ, it's a whole person, not a bag of cat food."* - u / total-blasphemy
Many people hold the same uninformed view | sentiment that you wrote here. They simply don't know that they "don't know." The danger is when people - parents or not - believe that only a certain *type* of parent or "bad" person would or could ever legitimately forget their child in a vehicle. Memory and the Brain are fallible.
The danger occurs when people, perhaps like yourself, believe that *it could not happen to them;* *they* would never leave their child in a vehicle unknowingly...right? They believe accidentally leaving children alone in a vehicle is something only mediocre, "bad," or neglectful parents must do.
**Accidentally leaving a child alone in a vehicle - a car, a van, a bus, a transport truck - can happen to ANYONE who is human.**
https://archive.ph/vj4zo
www.kidsandcars.org/news
www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime
www.nhtsa.gov/child-safety/you-can-help-prevent-hot-car-deaths
www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-dangers-of-leaving-children-unattended-in-the-car
www.kidsandcars.org
www.fataldistractionmovie.com
www.kidsandcars.org/news/post/fatal-distraction-views-justin-ross-harris-child-death-case-with-a-different-lens
Because it is something only neglectful parents do, that's why it doesn't happen to everyone. Stop making excuses for shit parents. The same applies to people who co sleep and smother their infants. They're killing their children. I don't feel sorry for them.
Good parents don't forget about their children.
*"Stop making excuses for shit parents."*
That you not only believe that this is what I and others are doing, and that you believe "forgetting" children makes parents "shit," really does say more about you. This is a you issue regarding an erroneous specific belief about what a "good parent" and a "shit parent" is and are capable of.
I grew up under "shit parents." Usually, the label for their kind of shit is "chronic abusive and neglectful parents" who deliberately harm and endanger their children. These types of parents often abuse because they choose to, because they have narcissistic traits, because they can, because they enjoy it, and | or it is financially profitable for them. Of course, there are different types of, and levels of, "shit."
Leaving a child in a car accidentally does not a "shit parent" make. Doing it deliberately to cause a child's death? Yes, "shit parent," then.
Leaving your 16-month-old daughter alone in a play pen while you, as her mother, go on a 10-day vacation out of the country? Yes, *shit parent.*
*"Good parents don't forget about their children."*
Oh, the sense of false security and false protection that myths bring.
I hope you have a good day, regardless of the fact that we disagree.
A family we know lost their child in an accidental hot car death last year. I can’t imagine how much guilt they must feel on top of their grief. I’ve always been paranoid about it and used to message parents at my center when kids weren’t there specifically because I was afraid they had forgotten them in the car. I’m sure I was annoying being like “missing Susie. Is everything ok?” Like twenty minutes after their normal drop off.
As a parent, this isn't annoying. It's caring. It'd make me feel even better about my choice in where I sent my son.
My son’s school do this, and I’m happy they do (except the day when I got a call and I’d actually dropped him off. Turns out he had been eating a snack during roll call and didn’t want to answer with his mouth full, so was marked absent…)
I do love your son for this though. Respect his snack time!
Similar! When I was teaching second grade, I had two Michaela’s and a new TA who I thought could manage taking role. She marked the wrong Michaela absent and mom (rightfully) FREAKED out because she’d put her on the bus that morning and got the call.
How long had she been with that group? Because it can take a while to learn all of your kids' names.
Exactly as long as I had, since the first day of school, and this was about 2 weeks in. I don’t care if it takes a while, I get it, so do I honestly. But if you’re not sure yet, just check!
Our centers policy was that if a child hadn’t been in the school for a few days, we were supposed to call the families to check in. Obviously, in my classroom if I noticed the kid who is rarely absent was absent, I’d call that day and check in. It seems like the families really appreciated this, for the most part.
I implemented this after a mom was held hostage with her 3 kids. They came a little sporadically anyway, but now, if you’re supposed to be there and don’t send a message, I message by 10am. Parents are super good about sending messages anyway.
That’s terrible 😳😳
Me too! You always have those kids who never ever miss. So when they do miss I always call and text just to check. I like for all my parents to let me know if their child won't be in that day. I tend to worry about all my kiddos.
I promise if any of my child's teachers messaged me about my kid being absent, I would only feel like the teacher actually gave a shit.
One of our infants was our for 3 days so we have a courtesy call and the dad got Pissed at me. He said what they were doing was none of our business. I told him we just hadn't had any contact in 3 days and wanted to make sure everyone was ok and he hung up on me. I honestly didn't expect them to come back, I assumed the worse lol But the next week she showed up with Mom and Dad and they were all tan and had been on vacation. 🙄
Read a story on Reddit recently where the dad forgot the kid in the car and thankfully daycare messaged the mom saying he hadn’t been dropped off. She called the dad and he suddenly realized he hadn’t dropped the kid off! This was an hour later. Thankfully kid was ok thanks to this call.
My daycare has an app where they track diaper changes, feedings, etc, and i get a "daily report started" notification usually within 15 minutes of when Dad drops Baby off! The few times I haven't gotten it when I should, I was able to text him and say "you dropped her off, right?!" Turned out to be a problem with the center's internet, but it's a nice double- check!!
Not annoying, keep doing it 💕
As a parent, THANK YOU! Every layer of protection could be the one that makes a difference.
Nope, so glad you do this! Our teachers do it as well when we’re later than our normal time and I so appreciate it. Better safe than sorry!
Where I live in Ontario there is now policy/law we need to contact and ensure the safety of children that don’t show up. The call time is based on family. The family that’s always on time? I’m calling asap. The family that’s always late? I wait 30 mins
My daycare & Preschool do this. It is in no way annoying, I really appreciate it.
Hell no that isn't annoying! I'd be extremely happy a caretaker goes the extra mile for the safety of my kid, to the point I'd make sure to tell management what a good employee they have. Keep up the good work!
My kid's daycare has a policy that they call anyone who hasn't told them their kids won't be there... But at 1015 when they open at 6 (and basically all the full time kids are dropped off by 9). It just seems like that would be a bit too late if something was in fact awry...
You can play the "what if" game forever. If something terrible happened to the family on their way home at 7pm, it doesn't matter if you're calling at 6am or 10am the next day. Should staff call at 8pm at night to make sure everyone got home safely? What if something happens to the child during a planned absence? Should you call that day just to check on? When the child is out on a week long, planned family vacation should staff call every day to check them? Staff are responsible for children while the children are in their care. Calling to see why a child is absent is a courtesy (unless required by law, of course) and if something bad has happened to the child or family, the responsibility doesn't fall to the child care provider for calling "too late."
So, the policy was put in place because of a law that was passed specifically to prevent child deaths in hot cars. The wording is that centers must alert parents if a child "fails to arrive as expected". My point is that my kid's center's interpretation doesn't really fit the wording and would also fail to prevent got car deaths. To be clear though, I think it's a stupid policy/law because it shouldn't be the childcare workers' responsibility and they have more than enough other shit on their plate.
My daycare has a "safe arrival policy". If a child hasn't been dropped off within 30 minutes of their usual time, we message/call down the list of contacts until we reach somebody who can confirm the child's whereabouts. Two years, we've not had to implement it, but everything I explain it to the parents, they love it.
I am a parent who would have LOVED you. I absolutely thank you!
if i ever had kids i’d feel much safer leaving them in your care, cray sh*t happens, i’d rather know i had a 3rd person in addition to me and my spouse looking after my kid.
I set up a geofence on Google maps to notify me when my husband was at the daycare.
I knew a mom who would put one of her shoes in the backseat for the same reason.
I would do this over my phone. If I’m tired or distracted, I would likely forget my phone in the car as well. A missing shoe, however, will become immediately noticeable to me the moment I step out of the vehicle.
I already leave my phone in the car all the time (when I go anywhere) because I'm so tired and distracted. Purse is good because I can rarely get too far without it, one shoe is so perfectly immediate though.
Agreed. It’s genius.
Seriously. The number of times I have forgotten my kid(s) in the car, zero. The number of times I have forgotten my phone in the car...... infinity.
Ooh, I love this idea.
If you have keyless start you could also use your keys.
Jokes on you, I leave my keys in the car all the time too haha . (But for more put together people this is a great strategy)
Same with the keys. If I leave my phone in the car I notice relatively soon because I’ll need it for something. Though I’ve left my phone behind with my kid when I he was small enough for the bucket seat.
I suppose I have gotten spoiled by having a newer car that beeps at me and won’t lock if the keys are in it! I am borrowing my parents car at the moment while they use our van and I keep having to remind myself to make sure I have the keys *in hand*.
This is me too haha. One thing I made a habit of is always cranking the ignition before putting a child in car seat and leaving it on until she’s out. We live in the Deep South and this stuff terrifies me.
Thank you, much better safety measure.
That is a much better idea. I forget my phone all the time, especially in warmer weather when it's not in a coat pocket. Just the other day I was taking my son to an appointment almost an hour away and then doing some shopping in the area and left my phone at home. It took me five hours to start wondering where the phone was and until we got home to realize I'd never taken it with me. I'm less likely to forget the child than the phone.
I had a parent come in to drop off their kids. Brought the toddler, the preschooler, all the stuff. Baby teacher asked where baby was- face melted. Ran to the car. Usually Baby was at home with other parent, but not that morning. Baby was okay. But, it happens. Even when you think it won't.
The common factor in nearly all hot car deaths is sleep deprivation combined with a change in routine.
Very true. There are so many who say “That would never happen to me I can’t believe you would ever forget a child.” I worry more for the people who react that way instead of the, “You never know! I always take precautions.” person/ parent.
In Ontario, Canada all daycare centres and licensed home have to have a system in place to notify parents if their child doesn’t arrive by a certain time. This came about when a child died in a car after the parent forgot to drop her off at daycare.
My nightmare, as someone who locked my keys in my car a dozen times, was accidentally getting locked out of the car while the kid was in there. I always meant to tape some sort of window breaking tool to the bottom of the car as a backup plan, but instead just never closed my driver's door until I had gone around and opened baby's door. (Anxiety is no way to live. But I always figured the few extra steps were good exercise anyway.)
Good sense like that keeps anxiety at bay.
I just had a baby and do this too! Even with my keys physically in my hand I don’t close the door until the baby is out!
This would terrify me and why I’m glad not only do my keys and phone open my car but I have a pin pad and my car doesn’t lock with my keys in it and will beep at me with them in it.
Happened to us but luckily in December and the spare key arrival only took 25m.
Omg 25 min is an eternity to have your kid locked in the car though
Totally. We were madly singing and making faces through the window to keep her calm. Also it was snowing and my jacket was in the car 😂
Cops and firefighters are able to safely break into cars for you in these cases!
That would have been totally unnecessary. She was cozy and strapped into her car seat and just fine to wait.
My son is 4 and I still do this. Drivers door is open until he’s out.
Happened to me once, my 1 year old, 3 year old and my dog all locked in the car in the daycare parking lot. Luckily it was winter so I was more likely to suffer from the elements than they were but still a stressful wait. The kicker was my 3 year old wasn’t even strapped in yet and could’ve easily climbed into the front seat and unlocked the door for me but he refused. I even tried to lure the dog to press the button but no such luck
If this happens call the cops, they come right away for this and get it quick.
Ever since I had a baby I try to always wear clothes with a zippered pocket so I can keep my keys in there at all times when I’m wrangling my toddler. Or I have a small crossbody/fanny pack that I keep on me even while driving. I know it’s not feasible for everyone but it helps me.
I got a bangle bracelet keychain, so I don't leave them in the car. My car key hangs on it, and I put it on my arm, up my my elbow, while I load things, including my kid. I was so scared of locking them in the car and just kept putting them down in the car/car seat cup holder/door.
Same here, my car won't physically lock with the keys inside but i always make sure they're in my pocket when putting my toddler in her seat and walking around to my door. I always open my passenger door first to put my purse and stuff in.
I have a car seat mirror and endlessly look in the back seat, even when it’s an empty car seat!
This was the reason that made me get it even though I had concerns about it being a distraction.
I’ve had a mirror since birth and it’s a must have. But when my son was a newborn, the first time I drove alone with him at night, I glanced back there and couldn’t see anything because it was dark and there was no lights. I panicked thinking I’d left him behind. I did not leave him behind, he had been crying like 2 minutes before that so I knew for a fact he was back there 😂 I still had to turn the car lights on to double check though. I was a wreck those first few months haha
We have a highlighter yellow snap bracelet that we wear when the baby is in the car. It doesn't come off until the baby is safely out of the vehicle.
I forgot once . I can still feel my heart in stomach when I remember . Where’s baby I thought you got her out . I thought you djd . I have never ran so fast in my life . She’s 4 now and still my absolute world .
Thank you for saying this - so many people think it can never happen to good parents and it absolutely CAN!
Yep. All it really takes is a change in routine! We’re creatures of habit. That’s why if our routine is changed I call whoever is dropping my son off after drop off to ask how it went.
Same with daycare workers who drive kids around.
Any halfway decent daycare will have a system set up like marking the roll as each child's enters the centre and calling parents of any missing child.
I know but there was a toddler who died I think last year in a daycare van.
When mine were little, I used to put my briefcase and/or handbag right in front of their car seat, depending on where I was going to or coming from. The two things I never left behind. I was always tired back then and right around the time my first was born someone was in the news having left their kid behind in a hot car. I was scared to death that the next one would be mine.
I love this PSA and agree 100% - it could happen to anyone and preventative measures are better than anything else. I’d just like to encourage you to revise this wording when sharing about this topic: > Nearly everyone is very attached to their phone When we say this to explain that a baby will be remembered if they’re next to the phone and we use specifically the word “attached” for the phone being more likely to be remembered over the baby, people are instantly going to focus on how only “bad” parents would be more attached to the phone than the baby. Of course, this isn’t what you’re saying, but people’s reactions to this topic is often visceral and filled with wild reasoning for why this wouldn’t ever happen to them (even though we know this spans beyond gender / income / background / etc). Instead, I’d say something like **”Nearly everyone has a daily routine that involves checking their phone regularly”** because that’s what I think you’re really trying to highlight here: that because people are so used to checking their phone in their regular routine, they’ll realize it much quicker than if they had a change of schedule and therefore didn’t have a system / routine in place to check for the baby. This feels rather pedantic but I felt compelled to share anyway since it would make a difference in how people, especially those that aren’t familiar with the topic / have judgements on prevention, will take it. Hopefully you see the good internet here. Again, I love that you brought this up. Thank you!
I completely agree. There are already a few comments on this thread that say things similar to “get your kids taken away if your phone is more important than they are”. The problem with that line of thinking, as you mentioned, is that it puts them in the mindset of “this would never happen to me. I value my children way more than any object I could put in the back seat.” Of course you do, but it could still happen to any of us, which is why these measures are so important to take.
Thank you. This post was not meant to be inflammatory, it was meant to protect children AND their parents. I would never want a parent to suffer the pain of losing their child in such a way. The most common way this happens is when there's a change in routine. We've all driven to work on kind of autopilot, haven't we? Example: parent A typically does morning drop off. Parent A had an early morning meeting, so parent B was supposed to drop off the baby. Parents are typically tired, particularly in the first year so they just drive to work. Baby fell asleep on the way, so is quiet when you park. Tragedy strikes loving, caring parents too.
Some car seats have sensor clips now that Bluetooth to your phone and if you leave the vicinity with your phone without unbuckling the clip, it sends a message to your phone three times and then contacts your emergency contacts
My car actually has a backseat reminder. It dings and goes off when you shut the car off if you’ve opened the back door
When I shut my car off, if a seatbelt is plugged in, it says a reminder/warning to check the backseat. It goes off everytime because I have a seatbelt plugged in for my dog since she just gets snapped to the seatbelt when we get in the car
A lot of people online bristle about carelessness, but most hot car incidents happen after a change in routine. Someone else does drop off, you start the day at a different time, etc. A lot of tired parents have to run on auto pilot during busy parts of the day, and that’s when mistakes happen
People who say how could you ever forget them. Auto pilot! You only drop off some days the other parent usually does it so drive right to work on a drop off day. Or Grandma who doesnt always have kiddo in car. Or someone just having a bad morning dropped at the middle school and primary school already and got a call about something so drove right off. Easy done especially if it's a change of routine
YES! If you have ever accidentally driven toward work or home when you meant to go somewhere else, you are capable of forgetting you have a child with you.
....but if you lock your keys in the car how will you call 911? This is a well-intentioned idea but I suspect accidentally locking yourself out of your car happens much more frequently than forgetting your child is in the back
This happened to me and my husband once. His keys and phone were in the car. I accidentally locked the car while I was getting out and didn't notice. She was fine, wasn't distressed even though we did have to wait for the fire department to come. But he had to run into the gas station to tell me to turn the air on with my app and then call the FD.
So glad you could control a/c from your phone and that the FD was able to get their promptly! I really think this happens a lot.
Go to the nearest store or house and ask them to call 911? How often is someone taking their kid somewhere completely isolated?
If my toddler was locked in my car I personally would not want to be frantically running around trying to find another person to call 911 for me, as I wouldn't want to leave them alone. My toddler would probably be scared sitting in a rapidly hearing car by themselves and having mom be gone even for a few minutes to find a phone would be scary. But that's just me. If your child would be fine then by all means keep your phone in the back.
This is an excellent idea!! Maybe you’re purse too.
Leaving one of your shoes next to them is an option too. Can't go into anywhere if you only have one shoe.
Hello. Cold climate here. Gentle reminder- snow sometimes piles up to your knees and you actually bring extra shoes to change into at work because of the necessity of really warm snowboots. So the shoe thing doesn’t work for me.
I think the idea is that you would notice as soon as you stepped out of the car. In your case, you would leave both one boot and the work shoes in the back (assuming you change your shoes in your car - everyone I know changes at their desk and wears the boots from the car to the building, as well).
🤷♀️ I like to be warm in the car. But I don’t have a garage or remote start, so that could be part of my issue. 😂 no way I’m taking my warm boots off when I get in the cold car… and then how to I get to the second boot, if it’s by the car seat and I have to step through snow to get into the back seat?
I guess I'm not describing it clearly - you'd go to the car, heat it up with both boots on, take one off, put it in the backseat, but still within reach, then drive to work. At work, you'd reach back to grab the boot - you'd have to turn your body to see the boot, and, upon doing so, you'd also see your child. If you forget to grab the boot, you'll notice immediately when you step into the cold snow. ETA: Regardless, this was presented as an option, not as something that would work for everyone, so I don't really think the reminder was needed - the person who suggested leaving one shoe just said it was something else that people could do.
Yes but can't imagine driving without a shoe would be very comfortable. Might need a car flip flop or something.
It probably works better if you drive an automatic rather than a manual transmission.
I actually drive without my shoes all the time. I wear heels for work and it's much easier to drive barefoot than in a heel.
If you need your phone for navigating, a shoe is a good option as well
Shoe is the best option. No way not to notice you only have one shoe on when you get out of the car.
One shoe is a better idea.
Why? You shouldn't be using your phone when you drive anyway. Having your phone in the back seat protects everyone, including the baby.
because the shoe is noticeable as soon as you step foot out of the vehicle, and some people might just leave their phones in cars regularly too
People leave phones in their cars all the time. I don't think anyone would go to work or the store with only one shoe on.
People use their phones for navigation all the time. I clip mine onto an air vent.
If you use Waze you can use a child reminder on the app and it will remind you there are children in your car when you arrive at your destination
I had terrible, terrible postpartum anxiety, and this scenario would replay in my mind over and over. We ended up getting a car seat camera definitely one of the best purchases!
I was super worried I would forget my kids when they were babies, so I started putting my purse in the back in between the car seats. My kids are 29 & 30 and I still put my bag in the backseat out of habit.
Better to do a shoe. You might still walk off without your cell phone-but unlikely barefoot or with only one shoe.
An honest question, at what point is it possible this will happen? My baby is 10 months old and I've only just gone back to work this week. Up until now, she has come everywhere with me, and almost every car trip is with her. I'm worried now.
It can happen to anyone - most likely when a change in your normal routine has occurred. Someone once told me the best way to prevent this from happening is simply to genuinely believe it could happen to you. I know I am thankful for my vehicle’s “check rear seat” warning. I recommend this article. It is difficult to read (emotionally) but really opened my eyes about this topic, which I used to (especially before I had kids) think could only happen to inattentive/subpar parents: https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html Or here if you don’t wanna make a free Washington post account: https://mitchellhamline.edu/wp-content/uploads/sites/9/2012/01/Fatal-Distraction.pdf
Echoing that everyone should read this article- with a heavy, heavy trigger warning.
I appreciate the trigger warning, oh my god. I will be mandating a shoe in the back seat if anyone drives my daughter anywhere, myself included. I simply would not survive.
While I agree with the sentiment you should believe it could happen- you also shouldn’t be so worried. Prepared, but not stressed. Because you typically have your child, it’s probably more your routine to look for them so it is lower risk in the case of normal routine. The biggest risks occur when, for example, you never do daycare drop off. But Wednesday you need to do drop off, so you buckle everyone in, jump in the car, and then 3 minutes later your turning on to the highway and go the direction of work instead of daycare because your brain defaults to your typical routine. You get out of the car, kid has fallen asleep so never made a peep- and toy go to work like normal. Basically, make it a habit to check for your kid when you get out of your car no matter what. Add in an extra defense for anything out of your daily routine (shoe in the back, call partner to make sure kids got to daycare, etc).
I don't have kids and my car app for my phone sends me messages if it senses any weight over 5 pounds in the back seat. All cars should have this as a standard feature.
I plan on throwing one of my shoes back there when I have kids.
I appreciate this post so much because I remember when infant car deaths caused SO MUCH judgement. People did NOT want to believe it can happen to anyone, or think about how our brains are wired to auto-pilot routines, and changes can cause this kind of tragedy in even the most loving, attentive families. I love this focus on SOLUTIONS without judgement. Thank you, OP.
Like other redditors, it's hard for me to understand how you could leave your own child in a car. The thing is, babies often fall asleep in cars. No one is forgetting a crying or screaming child or one that babbles up a storm. It's distressing when we hear about children being left in hot cars and dying--it should be!! But it happens every summer and will likely continue to happen, unfortunately. It's better for people to talk about it and to exchange tips in hopes that a few less children are left in hot cars.
I never understood it either. But then I had a change in my routine and I didn't forget my child. But the things I did forget were completely gone from my brain. Like, my brain omitted them as not important. And I suddenly understood completely how this happens. It was nothing like what I thought it meant when people say "they forgot their child", it was like the things I hsd regularly done for months, even years, just weren't something I thought about at all. I think that's what people are missing. If it doesn't happen to you then you won't get it. But for the people it does happen to, I'm sure they wish they'd done something small to help disrupt that strange brain quirk.
I think it's very similar to how many people can't understand what leads parents to abuse their children in horrible ways. To be clear, I'm not accusing parents who leave their children in cars of being abusive nor am I excusing abusive behavior. That said, I work at an inpatient psychiatric hospital and some of the trauma histories I take from patients during admissions are so extreme that it makes you wonder how the person is able to function as a human in any capacity. Like I said, it doesn't ever excuse someone from abusing another person but it sure does open your eyes as to how a person got from point A to point B.
very good tip!
Take off your left shoe and put it in the backseat next to the child. You might walk off without your phone, but you are surely not walking away from the car wearing just one shoe.
Have you seen the clever Elly device? [here](https://cleverelly.com)
Waze has a child reminder feature you can turn on and it alerts you to check for any children in your car once you get to your destination.
My husband set up an automation in home assistant using our vehicles gps to alert both of us when the kids were dropped off and picked up from daycare. It also asks us if we left kids in our car anytime the vehicle stops for a few minutes. Thankful for those automations.
You can also toss a shoe in the back seat, or put a stuffy in the passenger seat whenever you buckle the child in. Getting a mirror so you can see your baby is also very helpful. I’d recommend one with 2 buckles, and a curved mirror. If it’s a flat mirror it’s possible that it could start a fire or at least cause some nasty hotspots.
I was told to put my shoe next to baby’s car seat. The phone is a good idea too.
I put my bag in the back seat, and I constantly check my mirror.
Shoes are better.
You expect people to put the phone down? A lot of people using driving as their screen time.
My kid is now sixteen. I went back to work when she was twenty weeks old and I started putting my lunchbox in the back seat, so I'd have to check my back seat before going into the office. My spouse put his laptop bag in the backseat. Our kid has been out of a car seat for years and we still do it out of habit. That lizard brain that drives on autopilot is scary, and anything we can do to combat it is worth it!
A school bus driver missed a school stop on our sped bus and parked and left Two kids alone. Luckily it was a cool day AND a half day so I believe it was only a couple hours and thank God they were okay.
I get the point… but why are people remembering their phones and not the helpless human in the back seat?!?!
Because these things happen most often when people are out of their routine. Phones aren’t part of your daily routine *sometimes*, they’re part of it all the time. And this is a tool to help people keep the many balls they’re juggling in the air. It’s not a matter of people caring more about a phone than a kid.
If you're used to not having the helpless human with you at work, your brain may filter out "check on child" but if you're used to checking your phone before you get out of the car and it's not where you put it once you pull into the space you park at work, it may prompt you to look. It's all a matter of autopilot.
It works the same reason putting a shoe back there works. When your routine shifts, if your brain is processing with the *idea* that your child is else where you are unlikely to notice that they're not elsewhere. But, your brain is expecting your phone to be with you when you get out of the car(at work or the store or the doctors office), even when your baby is not. Same with the shoe. Your brain will notice that your shoe isn't on outside. It's intentionally breaking up your routines to make sure you know that there *is* something different occurring.
Humans are creatures of habit. If parent A usually does drop off and parent B goes straight to work, parent B might go into autopilot and go straight to work.
Because it's usually not a part of their routine and having their phone with them is, especially if you're on the younger side and have had one on your person since you were much younger. I mean, even when I was younger and first got an inhaler I would never forget my phone but would forget my inhaler.
The thing is, if you forget your phone in the car you would notice quickly, as soon as you reach for it to check something or write a message. If you forgot that you had the baby there might not be a trigger that would remind you until it's too late.
Also, most of us have had a smartphone giving us hundreds of dopamine hits per day for over a decade now. We’re deeeeeeeeeply addicted. Babies are new.
This is how: A combination of evolution, brain and memory function, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model. www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime www.kidsandcars.org
For me - I was a new mom and had to pick up my roommate from work and needed a couple groceries while I waited (he worked at Walmart) and I legitimately forgot I had a whole ass baby two months ago. Sleep deprivation can do a lot of damage for people. Luckily for my it wasn’t summer and it was only 10 minutes and nothing bad happened. I still feel like shit and she’s almost six. But I do tell this story because people are way too harsh sometimes. If it’s on purpose OBVIOUSLY they deserve the hate but it can happen on accident.
Honestly, without judgement I think the same thing. I’ve left my phone in the car several times because I was too busy fussing over baby. This feels backwards. However it does happen, I’ve heard of stories where parents forget to drop their child off at daycare first or are used to another parent having them I’m not judging but personally I do pretty much all the baby care as a BF mom and he’s at the front of my mind always
This is a really dangerous mindset, just so you know. When you think it could never happen to you, because you would NEVER, you are not taking the proper precautions to make sure it doesn’t.
Until, one day, your Brain falters - just for a moment, and through no fault of your own - he isn't... Through a combination of evolution, brain and memory functioning, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model. It takes only once for your son - for *any* child. Only one time for you. Awareness and understanding are crucial. www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime www.kidsandcars.org
I know this is meant to help, but I’m sorry if you can remember your phone, you can remember your kid.
So, you're not really sorry. Let's hope that, if you have children, you never *have* to be "sorry" because you will have taken time to understand how parents do not remember that their child is in a vehicle: Through a combination of evolution, brain and memory functioning, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model, it takes only once - for *any* child. Only one time for you. Awareness and understanding are crucial. www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime www.kidsandcars.org
I always have my phone on me. I don’t always have my kid.
This really makes me sad. Parents won't forget their phone, but can forget their child. Yikes.
This is how parents can forget their child: A combination of evolution, brain and memory function, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model. www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime www.kidsandcars.org
This saddens me because so many young babies/toddlers/children are lost because of parents "forgetting them" in the car or leaving them to run in the store to shop or whatever they are doing. I do not understand how they can suddenly forget they have a child in the car and leave them there. Yes, the phone idea is great but there is going to be that one day they do not place the phone with the child and then what? I think parents need to change their habits and be very well aware they still have the little ones in the car and need to make sure they are tended and cared for.
The parents that forgot their children also thought "I don't understand how it could happen". It could happen to anyone. It usually involves an overworked tired parent who's schedule was a little different that day. That's it. I also think I would never be able to forget my baby, but that's literally what the parents of children who died thought. Thinking you are incapable of doing it is the problem. There are devices, special carseat attachments you can buy to prevent it, but the problem these brands faced was that no one was buying them because no one thinks they are capable of forgetting.
The most common time for this to happen is a change in routine. Doctor appointment instead of straight to school? Mom usually takes baby on Mondays and Wednesdays and Dad makes the trip the other days? Switching days can be all it takes to cause a parent to drive to the office and forget the child is even with them. Human brains are wonderful terrible creatures of habit. Disrupting habits leads us to forget all kinds of things. Especially a silently sleeping child.
I was on a varying weekly schedule for a while. Two days a week baby went to Grandma's house instead of daycare, and Grandma's house was one freeway exit away from my office. This was when she was young so often fell asleep on the drive. Twice during this time I took the exit for work instead of Grandma's house, and once I actually pulled into the driveway of my office when I heard a little sigh from my baby I'm the backseat. Now, I don't know what would have happened if I didn't hear that sigh. It wasn't summer so if Grandma had called within 30 minutes or so wondering where we were the baby probably would have been OK? But seeing I got as far as the office parking lot I probably would not have checked the back seat when leaving the car if I hadn't had something trigger my memory. Edit: I also had a lot of anxiety about leaving kids in the car during that time and would often at work have a brief moment of panic and then have to walk myself through remembering that day's dropoff. And I also made a habit of a morning call with my husband to let him know how dropoff had gone. So I probably would have had some trigger to remember but it didn't happen before I got to the office. But for some reason I was resistant to things like putting my shoe in the back seat. I have 3 times forgotten to buckle in one of my kids if their door got closed and they climbed into the seat themselves, so it's definitely easy to forget things!
I agree to a point and I won't argue it but will say that even with changes the parents should be well aware of what they are doing and the changes made so it does not happen. It is basic common sense is all. I know people can get caught up in things, but to get so caught up to forget the kids are in the car? Or just leave them to go grab something real quick? No, I think in a lot of instances they could recall the child is there.
It has to do with how our brains work and how human memories are formed. Have you ever meant to stop for a gallon of milk on the way home and forgotten? It’s kind of the same thing. It’s nothing to do with how valuable the child is to you and everything to do with how brains work.
I have forgotton items a lot of times but when it came to my kids (value had nothing to do with this either just common sense and thinking) I made sure one way or another I did not put them in a situation that would not turn out good. It is not so hard to do that even when you have gone more than a couple days with no sleep and still have to function, I have been there, I still made sure my baby or kids were where they should be under many different situations emergency or not, major change to day routines or not.
Please read the article “fatal distraction” about this cause I get that it’s easy to feel safer if you feel superior, but I think it’s actually safer to understand how errors can happen
This article changed my life and I recommend it to folks every year. Everyone should read it whether or not they have children. One of the moms profiled is a friend of my friend and she described her as one of the most attentive and responsible people she's ever known.
Same here, although I'll never read it again. Once was all I needed.
The hubris of people who insist they "would never" makes me bonkers to the point that I refuse to engage with them unless they've read Fatal Distraction. I can't imagine reading that article and still believing this only happens to selfish idiots who don't love their kids.
It is actually VERY hard and you have been very lucky to never have a lapse with dire consequence. I deeply hope that you continue to have this good fortune.
So glad that you are a perfect parent and your brain always works the way you want it to
Yikes. Your take is either very uneducated or very unempathetic. I feel bad for the parents of your students. If we can feel the air of superiority and the condescension of your judgement over the internet I can only imagine what they pick up from you in person.
Think what you will of me but you do not know me. I grew up in a differen time that I guess you guys have and learned things differently and I never growing up heard of this happening to kids and we were left in cars all the time. So things have changed. And my mother drilled me to make sure that I never left my kids in the car. All I am saying is in normal circumstances like change between who does drop off of kids that the parents should be aware and communicate to each other about it. An emergency would be a lot different story. But to change things up in a schedule is common everyday thing. So that makes it hard for me to understand the thought process here. I am not unempathic or uncaring. And I am very trusted with the kids I work with. If I did not think I could handle this job I would not. Judgemental is when your making assumptions about people you do not know or their thought process or where they come from. If you can not agree to disagree ot at least just hear out someone's ideas that is on you. It is okay to have a different thought on things without people coming back at you calling you uncaring, uneducated or unpempathic.
You are really refusing to understand, here. “My mother taught me to never let my brain function the way human brains function!” is nonsensical.
So you haven't had a baby in 50 years. Got it
I know it's not productive to say, but I've never gotten a chance to say it in a natural, real circumstance, so please excuse me as I say: **OK, boomer.** Ironically, people that think like you do, are *exactly* the type of people who do leave their kids in the car on accident. The "*It could never happen to* ***me****!"* type. Look up prospective memory, look up confirmation bias. Learn some psychology and how human brains works, or listen to people who, despite being younger than you*, can in fact be more educated than you and know more about something than you do.* Educate yourself, or you'll continue to look like a conceited fool: [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30835167/](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/30835167/) [https://journalistsresource.org/health/child-dead-left-hot-car-research/](https://journalistsresource.org/health/child-dead-left-hot-car-research/)
Have you had a chance to read that article? It will help you make sure your kids aren’t in unsafe situations
Just curious, are you a parent? Because I feel like until I became a parent I didn't understand this either but I feel like now that I am a parent I have found my mental load went from 0-100 and I totally get how this could happen now. It's easy to judge but honestly this could happen to any parent, even the "perfect" ones with excellent habits. Edit: to clarify, I'm talking about forgetting your child was in the car not intentionally leaving a child in the car to run errands.
I bet she had her kids 50+ years ago when they didn't go to outside childcare.
I am a parent and my kids are grown but I never left them in the car even on accident.
You were lucky.
I think it's insane people can "forget" their kid to where they have to put a cell phone or some other "important" object back there too. How in the actual hell are you forgetting your child but not your phone???
Through a combination of evolution, brain and memory functioning, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model. It takes only once for *any* child. Only one time for you. Awareness and understanding are crucial. www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime www.kidsandcars.org
From what I've seen, it's not really about level of importance or value of whatever/whoever is in the back seat, it's about routine. People are suggesting putting those objects in the back because they're things you've already gotten used to using throughout your day for years (phone, shoe, purse, jacket, etc) having a new little human that hadn't always been there before combined with other routine changes, sleep deprivation, general stress, and miscommunication seem to be the main causes for parents who have had these incidents happen or almost happen. Sometimes you are just on autopilot.
Exactly. It has nothing to do with your conscious priorities. When we are going about doing routine things every day, a different part of our brain kicks in that is entirely subconscious and works on automatic habits. If that brain kicks in when you’re supposed to be doing something out of the ordinary, it won’t register, whether it’s picking up food on the way home from work or dropping the baby off at daycare. Those things are obviously of different levels of importance to your conscious brain, but your subconscious “habit” brain just does not work that way.
Seriously? I can almost guarantee that you're not a parent with this response. No one forgets their child in a car because they're careless or not overly concerned with their kids. It's a horrific tragedy that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
If this is to me, I am a parent and I am not perfect but I never left a kid in the car even on accident. But I should not have to defend myself because I did not allow changes in my day or sudden changes or emergencies make me forget my kids in the car on accident.
You still seem to be struggling to understand that forgetting is not a choice. You didn't will your way through not having a tragedy. You got lucky. You got lucky that your brain wasn't so sleep deprived it thought it had already gotten your child to a safe location. Some people are very, very unlucky. No one chooses to forget. "I did not allow.." no, you were lucky that your brain did not make a mistake.
I have had tradedy in my life do not even try to say I have not. But I have willed my way through things you do not know about. I have been so sleep deprived that I had to double check myself on where my kids were. I have been in the close call moments like anyone else, I just did not allow myself to forget the kids were there too. I am not going to get into this anymore I just disagree with some here and that is it.
I feel the same way you do. Leaving a child in a hot car is not an accident, it's neglect. It is EVERYONE'S responsibility to make sure a child has gotten out of the car. There is no "Oh, it's dad's turn" or "I thought you had him". The driver needs to check the car every time, and confirm that the child is not in there. Any passenger also needs to check the car seat and make sure the child is not in there.
Was the comment on not being a parent meant to me?
>I think parents need to change their habits… Uh this is literally part of changing habits—creating layers of protection so you *can’t* forget you have a child in the backseat.
There’s always two or three people who think they are too conscientious and in love with their kids to ever forget them in the car when this subject pops up. As if they are super special extra amazing parents that bad things don’t happen to. Almost every single one of the parents who forgot their kid in a hot car thought it could never happen to them. Almost every single one loved their kids as much as you love yours. This is simple human brain error that can happen to everyone. You’re not special. And you are more of a danger to your kids because you think you’re infallible and therefore won’t use these techniques so you can’t forget. Just put the reminder object in the back of the car. It’s not that hard.
The parents that have left their children in the car also often thought "I would never do that. It could never happen to me." Yet, it did and does. Through a combination of evolution, brain and memory functioning, technology, and a phenomenon known as "The Swiss Cheese" Model. It takes only once for *any* child. Only one time for you. Awareness and understanding are crucial. www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime www.kidsandcars.org
You're getting my upvote in a sea of down votes. The idea that your phone is a more integral part of your life than your kids are is not ok in my opinion.
It’s not about importance it’s about HABIT. Every single time I leave my car I grab my purse. 100% of the times! But my kids are not in my car 100% of the time. So the habit is not as engrained. Now Ive never forgotten my kid, but I absolutely can see how it happens. I’ve certainly gone on autopilot while driving tons of times. The brain is a strange thing and changes in routine or exhaustion or illness can cause lapses in memory. It’s not that you forgot your kid- it’s that you forgot they were in the car.
My phone is not more importan how is that even a thing to talk about here and has nothing to do with topic.....where are you all getting such ideas..... I was sharing an opinion but some of you are being so judgemental it is not funny. If you do not like my comments say so, do not go behind other things to belittle me. You do not know me from Adam. I spend less time on my phone than a lot of people do. I thought that people in this particular sub Reddit would be more willing to listen to others comments or thoughts on things as they are supposed to be professionals. I find it riduculous that I have a word spelled wrong because of a hardware glitch on a keyboard I can not fix because I am not a hardware person and that I had to use my phone to be able to reply to a few posts and people are in an uproar over that. If you can not stop being nit picking about how I respond with what I have available to use or how I do it, then you are not as professional as you should be on topics related to care of children. Gosh, I did not know I could not have a differing view of the world. I am done with this.
As a parent I cannot fathom leaving/ forgetting a child in the car. And if one’s cell phone is the only way to remember there’s a child in there? Please find a loving and safe home for your child that is far away from your incredibly selfish butt.
I hope you never have to eat humble pie for this statement. Its so easily done with a change of routine and extra stress, even by the most diligent parents.
There is no amount of stress or change in routine that can or will EVER make a cell phone take priority over a human or pet in a responsible adult’s care. That’s ludicrous. I know many many adults who have immense stress, frequent routine changes, and unimaginably difficult situations and not a single one of them have forgotten a living being in their car or needed to put their electronics next to them to remember that a person was in the car with them. My point is that your phone shouldn’t be more important than the child. If you would forget the child without putting your phone in the back next to them the phone is clearly more important than the person because you remembered the phone and not the person.
It's about routine. Many people never leave the house without their phone and therefore never leave the car without their phone. Most parents will sometimes go out without their children, often there'll be a routine and pattern to this. If they follow the same routine but suddenly the child is there, our automatic habits can override our best intentions. But you'll never see that. I bet you think your child will never get a bump or fall because you'll just watch them perfectly.
Goodness, that’s a rather large jump, assuming I think children never get bumps and bruises or think I’m a perfect parent 🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻🤦🏻 no, I don’t think I’m perfect and yes I do understand that kids get bumps and bruises. I don’t think you will ever understand my point, or see things my way. I’m talking about folks blaming “stress and routine” for their parental neglect , plain and simple. This is becoming a moot point. I’ll no longer be checking responses or replying to this.
Anyone who needs a reminder that their child is in the vehicle shouldn't be allowed to have them. Jesus Christ, it's a whole person, not a bag of cat food.
*"Anyone who needs a reminder that their child is in the vehicle shouldn't be allowed to have them. Jesus Christ, it's a whole person, not a bag of cat food."* - u / total-blasphemy Many people hold the same uninformed view | sentiment that you wrote here. They simply don't know that they "don't know." The danger is when people - parents or not - believe that only a certain *type* of parent or "bad" person would or could ever legitimately forget their child in a vehicle. Memory and the Brain are fallible. The danger occurs when people, perhaps like yourself, believe that *it could not happen to them;* *they* would never leave their child in a vehicle unknowingly...right? They believe accidentally leaving children alone in a vehicle is something only mediocre, "bad," or neglectful parents must do. **Accidentally leaving a child alone in a vehicle - a car, a van, a bus, a transport truck - can happen to ANYONE who is human.** https://archive.ph/vj4zo www.kidsandcars.org/news www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime www.nhtsa.gov/child-safety/you-can-help-prevent-hot-car-deaths www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/the-dangers-of-leaving-children-unattended-in-the-car www.kidsandcars.org www.fataldistractionmovie.com www.kidsandcars.org/news/post/fatal-distraction-views-justin-ross-harris-child-death-case-with-a-different-lens
Because it is something only neglectful parents do, that's why it doesn't happen to everyone. Stop making excuses for shit parents. The same applies to people who co sleep and smother their infants. They're killing their children. I don't feel sorry for them. Good parents don't forget about their children.
*"Stop making excuses for shit parents."* That you not only believe that this is what I and others are doing, and that you believe "forgetting" children makes parents "shit," really does say more about you. This is a you issue regarding an erroneous specific belief about what a "good parent" and a "shit parent" is and are capable of. I grew up under "shit parents." Usually, the label for their kind of shit is "chronic abusive and neglectful parents" who deliberately harm and endanger their children. These types of parents often abuse because they choose to, because they have narcissistic traits, because they can, because they enjoy it, and | or it is financially profitable for them. Of course, there are different types of, and levels of, "shit." Leaving a child in a car accidentally does not a "shit parent" make. Doing it deliberately to cause a child's death? Yes, "shit parent," then. Leaving your 16-month-old daughter alone in a play pen while you, as her mother, go on a 10-day vacation out of the country? Yes, *shit parent.* *"Good parents don't forget about their children."* Oh, the sense of false security and false protection that myths bring. I hope you have a good day, regardless of the fact that we disagree.
I'll have a great day knowing my child is safe. Have a day.