Just told this to my wife. She rolled her eyes and did not laugh...

Maybe she just didn't understand. Did you try explaining it to her?

And when she yells “I get it!” just follow up with “calm down.”

Don't forget to tell her she's overreacting

She must be on her period.

Just like her mother

Omg this line gets me every time. These are fighting words. 🤣🤣

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Handy.

Blumpkin?

Lol , I thought those where the words of a deadman

He hasn't been heard from since.

Since his mysterious disappearance?

When is your funeral?

No funeral, couldn't find the body. Woodchipper is missing though.... Interesting

Did she find another man to teach her how to use it?

How to lose a wife (or life) in 10 sentences or less 101

Would it kill her to smile every once in a while?

and she's so much prettier when she smiles

Smile for me Jessica

Or getting emotional

And if that doesn’t work don’t forget women can be fascinated by cheese so keep some Brie handy.

I usually just go with something shiny like a gum wrapper.

Can confirm

it's legitimately a secret weapon!

“Relax”

I followed through with this and she only started laughing after I told her to calm down

...........biiiiiiitttcchhhh

You said bitch though?

*looks over shoulder*

Hey, hey, I said......... Biiiiiiiiiiiiii

Mhm!

The single best comment on Reddit

Also try saying it slowly and clearly. Add lots of similes along the way for the big words. Just to make sure she gets it.

Give her an iced coffee, too. Bitches love iced coffees.

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Yeap, bitches love chivalry.

Sudo get me a sandwich

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Right next to multiple user

I also want to know how to unlock super user for this guy’s wife

Speak with him about multiplayer.

There can only be one

I'm fat because every time I bang her mom, she makes me a sandwich

Plot twist, the wife is the bus driver.

Underrated

This is my favorite comment. Only because it goes right over the edge.

It's like, yeah, that's the edge back there somewhere \[waves vaguely back}

Yeah I would have expected downvote to oblivion on that one.... the reddit hive mind is a fickle mistress, much like my wife.

I’ve always found your wife to be a passionate and reliable mistress

I also choose this guy's dead wife.

Broken arms

Mom?

Always treat bitches with respect.

"Respect your mother, you son of a bitch!"

Idk, is it pumpkin spiced?

I thought it was cannons

And cake. Bitches love cake. 😂😂😂. I’m that bitch.

I thought bitches loved cannons

Hey, it's true. This bitch does love an iced coffee!

And more hand gestures. Bitches love iced coffee and hand gestures.

I’m just imagining a scenario where I’m mad at my husband and he just pulls an iced Kicker from Dutch Bros. out of nowhere and hands it to me. I gotta say, I’m not entirely sure that wouldn’t shut me the fuck up for at least a minute.

And cake. Bitches love cake. 😂😂😂.

and they love repeating themselves over and over.

Some of them have dementia

De*person*tia

Iced coffee? You swine! You heathen! It’s Pumpkin Spice Latte, get it right 😂

I did that the other day and my wife said I was being condescending. I was so happy to hear her use such a big word. Patted her on the head and told her what a clever girl she was.

I tell her yes, I’m being condescending, and that that means I’m talking down to her.

Shit I should have done that, she probably said it without even knowing what it meant

And if she still doesn't get it, just tell her to smile anyway.

If she doesn't understand, try speaking louder!

Remind her to calm down if she seems upset

Tell her to smile more. It'll make her look prettier.

And nod, smile, and raise both eyebrows like they really get it

>Also try saying it slowly and clearly. Add lots of similes along the way for the big words. Just to make sure she gets it. We call that move the Kamala Harris

Tell her to smile more after explaining it.

Mansplaining is a hard job

Not to mention underappreciated.

Math is hard for the female brain. [A talking Barbie doll once told me that.](https://youtu.be/NO0cvqT1tAE?t=9)

I did to my wife, I told her I make more money because I try harder!(that didn't go over so well. I'm sleeping in another house these days.)

Does your wife know the location?

😂

Fukn ded. 🤣

“You see, the income of a pimp is very different from the income of a square”

Oh no

Ya I did, but she just didn't listen!

I even went south park cable company nippy rub. Still didn't register

Holy fucking shit..... That's soooo funny. (But I'm not telling my wife)

"The wage gap isn't real. Men simply choose higher paying jobs such as doctor, lawyer or engineer. Women choose lower paying jobs such as female doctor, female lawyer or female engineer". - Norm MacDonald

You're either Brave, stupid or both.

Yes x3

Exact reaction I got from my wife. Then she did laugh when I told her this was the first comment...!

That’s exactly what happened for me, telling it to my wife

Best humor is done at the expense of those who have no sense of humor.

Yeah, it's hard when you're always karen what other people think. 😳

Do you think a smirk counts as 3/4 of a laugh.

That is funny af. I had the exact same experience one second before reading your comment.

Weird. When I told her last night she laughed so much I thought her tiny negligee was going to fall off.

I swear this comment is made every time this joke gets posted

hope you found her laugh annoying.

My girlfriend laughed and said "that"s a good joke."

She's living the imaginary wage gap battle lol

That's more funny than the joke, which was funny on its own.

All the strip clubs said, "Beat it, we're closed."

>we're clothed. Is how I heard it.

Mike Tyson, is that you?

Studies have shown that the gender wage gap isn't actually a real thing. Men are naturally more suited for higher paying jobs like lawyers, doctors and engineers. - Women on the other hand are more naturally suited for lower paying jobs like female lawyers, female doctors and female engineers.

Single female lawyer Fighting for her client, Wearing sexy miniskirts, And being self-reliant.

r/unexpectedfuturama

r/subsithoughtifellfor

What say you, single female lawyer?

Not the ending I expected. Well done

It’s an old joke.

For them it was new. And that is all that matters.

But it checks out.

Ikr

Sounds like this version is being told by a female Norm McDonald, it is about 79% as good as the original Norm McDonald version.

I bet at least half the people who read this were already prepared to start typing away and start some debate or whatever lol.

That was great

Lmao

Damn, I lolled.

They say a woman's work is never done. Maybe that's why they get paid less.

Yep. Finish your work, you'll get paid more.

Finish your work and the company will say "What're you working on right now? What do we even need you for?"

RIP Sean Lock

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Nice.

... for everyone except the female construction workers.

This was perfectly marked NSFW. Not suitable for women

Best one, take my upvote!

I’m ahead of the curve. I only hire women because everyone knows I can pay them less.

I own a woman-run business that bids less than men, thus getting more gigs.

I will be the bigger man and donate my losses to someone else.

Double the losses and give it to a single mother

My wife just womansplained it to me... And then threatened me to leave... :(

Well this joke only works 79% of the time

u/darth_hotdog working overtime itt

Wait...what IS a woman?

Whats a patato?

*GET OUT OF MY HOUSE*

I don’t get it

The commonly quoted statistic about the gender wage gap is that women make $.79 (or so) for every $1 men make. So according to that logic the COVID shutdowns were worse for men because every day they didn't work was more lost wages for them than it was for women.

I like the way you phrased it - "commonly quoted statistic" - since the "women make 79 cents on the dollar" was almost immediately debunked, yet persists to this day.

Lol even though it was debunked it is still commonly used

I was just confused why they specified the service industry, that's one place where women are thought to make more money due to tips.

That I can't tell you. Maybe whoever made this version of the joke figured the service industry was the most likely to get shut down for the pandemic? I dunno.

This is a repost of a joke from the covid shutdowns, either OP is a bot or they're reposting jokes that they don't actually understand & aren't relevant

... and so goes r/Jokes.

My wife thought this joke made no sense. Classic woman, not getting it amirite?

This myth needs to fucking die already

It doesn’t help that people like Obama repeated it not that long ago in presidential speeches. Perpetuating myths they knew weren’t true

Maybe she couldn’t hear over the vacuum.

My wife didn't laugh, but she makes way more than I do. Wtf happened to the pay gap you people speak of?

Debunked study aside, don't women make more on average than men in the service industry?

And in women dominated sectors like teaching and nursing but no-one talks about those.

Service industry is incredibly expansive. Any company that provides a service is in that industry. Chefs are higher in their salary than servers (waiters/waitresses if you’re a boomer). Private dancers (aww Tina!) make way more money than men in the same gig, but that’s kinda obviated.

Tired ass joke

Also if OP is American they don't realize women make way more in tips than men, and in service lots of places won't even hire men. My brother once applied for a server job at a bar and I asked him if he'd ever even been inside the place. They only hired hot chicks.

It’s not even tired. That would inform that the author was awake when it was written. This is fever dream stupidity

In a way yes. Men are at the extreme peaks and extreme valleys of society.

More likely to take risks and sacrifice/delay relationships and family to do so. For a small number, that pays off really well. The rest end up broke, jaded, and deficient with intimacy. Quite the tradeoff

I dont get it... am I stupid 😕

Pay inequality between men and wimen

That's what I thought lol I just didn't know why it was marked NSFW

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Wait it is hhhmmm didn't even notice lol

Scary how much higher that number gets every time i see that joke. /rip norm

Rest in peace. 😂

Only on Reddit would people upvote such a garbage joke lol

The pay gap is not real Men choose to pursue high-paying jobs like Doctor lawyer, an engineer Yet, women CHOOSE to go into low-paying jobs, such as female doctor, female lawyer, female engineer In case you are dumber than I am, please understand that was a joke

Given the 4900% higher chance for death in male dominated industries, I am offended that we aren't paid 4900% more than women. And I take it personally because I died myself last week, still waiting for compensation and resurrection, now accepting donations to make up for the death gap.

The wage gap is made up.

False.

I didn't get it at first, but then I realized it's because you have to be delusional to get it..

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They say a woman’s work is never done.Maybe that’s why they get paid less.

A reposter's work is never done, either. Right?

Someone posted this exact thing and didn’t get downvoted

Uninformed feminist. Do the whole research.

“Uninformed feminist” makes no sense. Are you a miner with a dead canary?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The real joke is that disparity dont actually take into effect the type of work performed, etc. But feminists love to bring this data up.

Damnn

Even though the gender gap isn't real.. been proven over multiple studies.

r/wokejokes

Can anyone explain this to me?

According to a study women make .77 cents for every dollar a man makes. What the study did however is they only asked what job they worked and then wage/salary. So it didnt take into account career, hours worked/overtime, leave, experience, etc Also in case you talk to coworkers and do find out you are making less and the only factor is gender. Sue them or threaten to sue if they dont match the pay(again that is assumjng if the only factor is gender not experience, tenure, or the other myriad). I assure you you will make more money than just citing a very poorly done study.

There was a better study that a women's rights organization did that controlled for field, experience, hours worked, etc... They found there still was an unexplained gap around 7-8%. They did speculate that some of that could possibly be attributed to women being less aggressive in negotiating a salary though.

And then it raises the question, how much of that passivity or pro-activity is learned behavior, and how much is instinct, and either way, would it not be a worthy pursuit to overcome?

I liked this one. The joke is that women make less then men, so if unemployment rockets, men take a harder hit because of wages, instead of actual worth regardless of gender (Hope I didn't over explain)

Thank you.

If you haven't grasped it after all the comments above? Then no.

Let’s shoot for 40!

Even if the wage gap wasnt a myth, this joke would still stink

The same people who pioneered climate change denial (AEI) were paid millions to make people think the wage gap is a myth. Your opinion is bought and paid for, and false. Seriously, look it up. The wage gap is real and conservatives spend millions trying to convince everyone it's not.