She is obviously enjoying the attention. Your husband needs to stop answering her texts constantly, maybe have a no phone time a couple hours a night. You should make a point to meet this other woman and see their interactions in person. That will tell you a lot. Tell your husband that she seems to be such a good friend that you think it's important she meets his family.
You're totally right. i really hate her. I have been feeling she is totally ignoring my existence. And this woman is a single, around my age. I also found she personally texted him, " Are you upsetting me? because I saw you turned on 'no disturbing'" And after reading this message, she made me feel like there was something happened btw two. She is kind of making a scene here, like she is very close to him. They just starting texting since Feb.
Your husband either stands by you and lets this woman know she has no place in his life, or he's standing by her- which tells you where you stand. The earlier you find this out, the better.
This 100%. And if he doesn’t back down and put a stop to this relationship with her and set some real boundaries, I hope OP is strong enough to walk away, at least for some sort of separation for a while so he can realize wtf he’s doing- or continue it and destroy his marriage completely
you're focusing your energy on the wrong person -- you should be focusing that on your husband *who doesn't put his foot down and establish boundaries*.
He needs to not be friends with her. That’s how. And if he pick some new random woman over you, it’s a bunch of BS. It’s upsetting you. Is he worried about her being upset more?
He needs to pick his wife. You feel something for a reason. You’re picking up on it. 20 years.:.. you know this man. You know what’s up. His crush.
You should both read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Immediately. This shows the circumstances that precede an emotional affair. And ways to prevent it. Very slippery slope.
Updateme!
Nope. No. Hell no. He is putting HER feelings over YOURS by continuing this close relationship. Either way the relationship is completely inappropriate and there should be boundaries in place to prevent things like this from happening. Texting about school related stuff- fine. Texting about personal problems and issues and turning your husband into her shoulder to cry on, that’s turning into an emotional affair. I’d be extremely upset about this. The worst part is he is ALLOWING her to come in between your guys marriage. Why is this girl he’s known for a short period of time important enough to allow her to come in between you two? Very odd. He’s doing this for a reason. This would 100% be a deal breaker for me if this continues and if he kept putting his relationship with this other woman in front of your marriage. Hopefully we wakes the eff up and realizes what he’s doing and how he’s hurting you before it’s too late.
Have you tried reaching out to the other guy’s finance to see how shes feeling about this woman? Maybe tell your husband to invite the woman over so you can meet her in person. Sounds like she’s loving having their attention and they like having hers.
Ask your husband if his relationship with this woman is worth your marriage. Calmly and clearly tell him he either learns to respect your boundaries or your leaving. You don’t deserve to put up with this and I honestly don’t think he would put up with the same in your position. Maybe point that out to him. How would you feel if I behaved this way with my male friend? Maybe even start hanging out with male friends so you can demonstrate to him what it feels like.
I wonder if she’s texting this other guy and is as intimate with this other guy with the way they interact in text etc as she is with OPs husband. Women like that are the worst ugh
Doesn’t seem like your guy actually enforced any boundaries here. She’s needy, and she’s taking advantage of the situation. If she doesn’t have friends, there are people she can pay for that instead of making trouble for a marriage.
For some context...because of my hobbies, I’ve had mostly guy friends growing up. The moment they got into relationships, I maintained a friendly relationship with their significant others and slowly detached from them, simply because....girl code. Would I like it if some woman took a significant portion of my husband’s time and headspace? Nope. So I don’t do that to others. This girl isn’t being very considerate of your marriage (she even noted when he turned on the “no disturbing”...stalker much?).
Besides, you’re already having big fights. Your husband should protect -you- and value your feelings above this woman. Sorry to say, I feel he’s infatuated with her.
To me, it sounds like they're good friends.
I've got some queer labels to my name, and if I wasn't allowed to have friends of the same gender as the person i am married to, I would have no friends at all.
It's about trust and security, not about whether or not the friend is female. If it was a male coworker or someone you knew was definitely unavailable, or someone you SAW was totally unavailable like a little old lady or something, would you feel the same?
I have had some similar issues with my spouse but did not find any great solutions. One thing that helped a little bit was in rephrasing it from "you are getting too close to your male friend" to "I am feeling really hurt when you spend so much time with him".
The only people this woman can get support from is two attached males…. Bullshit!! I would trust a hungry alligator to not eat me before I trusted anyone classified as “just a friend”.
She knows what she doing and hubby is either dumb or pretending because he knows what she’s doing too. Tell him to find study buddies who help him actually study. He’s not her emotional support man.
I'm sure you're upset because he is literally putting this random woman's feelings first and I'm sure you're feeling insecure because after 20 years you could feel like old news when this new girl comes around.
it's like hello I'm insecure why is her feelings and her coming first. I'm so sorry but you should definitely put you first in your feelings and absolutely make a boundary with this woman.
I trust my husband. That's how I handle it. I don't care that he is supportive of other friends (regardless of their gender) on any given day, and I'm happy to hear what's going on in his school chats. I like feeling involved in his group chats. He introduces me to his study groups when they meet via video sometimes. I know that if something happens and I REALLY need him, he will drop anything and anyone to be there for me, and that's all I need to know.
I’ll be the contrarian here and say it. You sound ridiculous. I have female friends I’m close with. My wife does not care. My wife is an engineer in tech. She is literally the only woman on her team of all men. Since she’s younger than all of them, they mentor her, train her, and they text in group chats all the time. She’s close to them. I do not care. We trust each other and there has never been any fights born from jealousy. Your husband has a friend who’s going through a tough time. You’re not saying they flirted, or even that you suspect he was cheating on you. It sounds like you’re mad he’s trying to be a good friend to his friend. This sounds like it’s a you problem.
Ehh. My husband makes friends with women more often than men and his closest friend right now is a woman who is going through a divorce, even. But if she was texting him like OP said this woman was, like "are you mad at me? because I saw you put your phone on Do Not Disturb," it would give me pause for sure. And this isn't a long-term friend, they just met in the fall. It's a red flag she doesn't have ANY closer friends to lean on than two attached men she just met. You build up to intimacy with friends over time, you don't start out texting your married friend every day about how much emotional support you need in a healthy friendship.
She is obviously enjoying the attention. Your husband needs to stop answering her texts constantly, maybe have a no phone time a couple hours a night. You should make a point to meet this other woman and see their interactions in person. That will tell you a lot. Tell your husband that she seems to be such a good friend that you think it's important she meets his family.
You're totally right. i really hate her. I have been feeling she is totally ignoring my existence. And this woman is a single, around my age. I also found she personally texted him, " Are you upsetting me? because I saw you turned on 'no disturbing'" And after reading this message, she made me feel like there was something happened btw two. She is kind of making a scene here, like she is very close to him. They just starting texting since Feb.
Your husband either stands by you and lets this woman know she has no place in his life, or he's standing by her- which tells you where you stand. The earlier you find this out, the better.
This 100%. And if he doesn’t back down and put a stop to this relationship with her and set some real boundaries, I hope OP is strong enough to walk away, at least for some sort of separation for a while so he can realize wtf he’s doing- or continue it and destroy his marriage completely
you're focusing your energy on the wrong person -- you should be focusing that on your husband *who doesn't put his foot down and establish boundaries*.
He needs to not be friends with her. That’s how. And if he pick some new random woman over you, it’s a bunch of BS. It’s upsetting you. Is he worried about her being upset more? He needs to pick his wife. You feel something for a reason. You’re picking up on it. 20 years.:.. you know this man. You know what’s up. His crush.
Has he done anything to fix this yet?
You should both read "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass. Immediately. This shows the circumstances that precede an emotional affair. And ways to prevent it. Very slippery slope. Updateme!
Nope. No. Hell no. He is putting HER feelings over YOURS by continuing this close relationship. Either way the relationship is completely inappropriate and there should be boundaries in place to prevent things like this from happening. Texting about school related stuff- fine. Texting about personal problems and issues and turning your husband into her shoulder to cry on, that’s turning into an emotional affair. I’d be extremely upset about this. The worst part is he is ALLOWING her to come in between your guys marriage. Why is this girl he’s known for a short period of time important enough to allow her to come in between you two? Very odd. He’s doing this for a reason. This would 100% be a deal breaker for me if this continues and if he kept putting his relationship with this other woman in front of your marriage. Hopefully we wakes the eff up and realizes what he’s doing and how he’s hurting you before it’s too late.
Have you tried reaching out to the other guy’s finance to see how shes feeling about this woman? Maybe tell your husband to invite the woman over so you can meet her in person. Sounds like she’s loving having their attention and they like having hers. Ask your husband if his relationship with this woman is worth your marriage. Calmly and clearly tell him he either learns to respect your boundaries or your leaving. You don’t deserve to put up with this and I honestly don’t think he would put up with the same in your position. Maybe point that out to him. How would you feel if I behaved this way with my male friend? Maybe even start hanging out with male friends so you can demonstrate to him what it feels like.
I wonder if she’s texting this other guy and is as intimate with this other guy with the way they interact in text etc as she is with OPs husband. Women like that are the worst ugh
The absolute worst
Doesn’t seem like your guy actually enforced any boundaries here. She’s needy, and she’s taking advantage of the situation. If she doesn’t have friends, there are people she can pay for that instead of making trouble for a marriage. For some context...because of my hobbies, I’ve had mostly guy friends growing up. The moment they got into relationships, I maintained a friendly relationship with their significant others and slowly detached from them, simply because....girl code. Would I like it if some woman took a significant portion of my husband’s time and headspace? Nope. So I don’t do that to others. This girl isn’t being very considerate of your marriage (she even noted when he turned on the “no disturbing”...stalker much?). Besides, you’re already having big fights. Your husband should protect -you- and value your feelings above this woman. Sorry to say, I feel he’s infatuated with her.
To me, it sounds like they're good friends. I've got some queer labels to my name, and if I wasn't allowed to have friends of the same gender as the person i am married to, I would have no friends at all. It's about trust and security, not about whether or not the friend is female. If it was a male coworker or someone you knew was definitely unavailable, or someone you SAW was totally unavailable like a little old lady or something, would you feel the same?
I have had some similar issues with my spouse but did not find any great solutions. One thing that helped a little bit was in rephrasing it from "you are getting too close to your male friend" to "I am feeling really hurt when you spend so much time with him".
The only people this woman can get support from is two attached males…. Bullshit!! I would trust a hungry alligator to not eat me before I trusted anyone classified as “just a friend”. She knows what she doing and hubby is either dumb or pretending because he knows what she’s doing too. Tell him to find study buddies who help him actually study. He’s not her emotional support man.
Slippery slope. I’d ask him to step way way back from that friendship. It’s gotten too emotional.
I'm sure you're upset because he is literally putting this random woman's feelings first and I'm sure you're feeling insecure because after 20 years you could feel like old news when this new girl comes around. it's like hello I'm insecure why is her feelings and her coming first. I'm so sorry but you should definitely put you first in your feelings and absolutely make a boundary with this woman.
I trust my husband. That's how I handle it. I don't care that he is supportive of other friends (regardless of their gender) on any given day, and I'm happy to hear what's going on in his school chats. I like feeling involved in his group chats. He introduces me to his study groups when they meet via video sometimes. I know that if something happens and I REALLY need him, he will drop anything and anyone to be there for me, and that's all I need to know.
I’ll be the contrarian here and say it. You sound ridiculous. I have female friends I’m close with. My wife does not care. My wife is an engineer in tech. She is literally the only woman on her team of all men. Since she’s younger than all of them, they mentor her, train her, and they text in group chats all the time. She’s close to them. I do not care. We trust each other and there has never been any fights born from jealousy. Your husband has a friend who’s going through a tough time. You’re not saying they flirted, or even that you suspect he was cheating on you. It sounds like you’re mad he’s trying to be a good friend to his friend. This sounds like it’s a you problem.
Ehh. My husband makes friends with women more often than men and his closest friend right now is a woman who is going through a divorce, even. But if she was texting him like OP said this woman was, like "are you mad at me? because I saw you put your phone on Do Not Disturb," it would give me pause for sure. And this isn't a long-term friend, they just met in the fall. It's a red flag she doesn't have ANY closer friends to lean on than two attached men she just met. You build up to intimacy with friends over time, you don't start out texting your married friend every day about how much emotional support you need in a healthy friendship.
This
Yes you are, your use of caps is a tip off.