Help me find a fic

Looking for a fic, it was 100% PWP and crack and I read it probably between 2006-2010 on petulant poetess.

From what I remember: Hermione really wanted to sleep with Snape, the problem was that he was so… well endowed that he couldn’t fit in anyone? Or he hated the friction?

Idk Hermione makes a list of all the men in Hogwarts and ranks them by the size of their 🍆 to work her way up to being able to accommodate Snape.

I tried asking on my fave FB group but the only lead that I got was for MissFigg’s stories and unless it’s a story of hers that was deleted, I don’t think that’s it.

Help please :(


May Circe forgive me; I've read this one. Way back in the day. I believe it was called "Like a wizard's sleeve"? But I've no idea where I read it.


I got intrigued and with the help of the comment from u/IverinAduelen I found "A Chuff Like A Wizard's Sleeve" by Lucrezia\_Borgia on the Ashwinder [http://ashwinder.sycophanthex.com/user.php?sid=11273&logintext=This%20story%20contains%20adult%20content%20and/or%20themes.%20Please%20log%20in%20or%20register%20to%20access%20it.&intent=read](http://ashwinder.sycophanthex.com/user.php?sid=11273&logintext=This%20story%20contains%20adult%20content%20and/or%20themes.%20Please%20log%20in%20or%20register%20to%20access%20it.&intent=read) But I don't have an account there so can't verify


That’s it!! 😂 it’s just as hilarious as I remembered! Thank you both for the help!


I made the mistake of looking at this on my lunch break and literally sprayed coffee across the staff room at work 😆👏👏