Anyone (allo or ace) can feel anywhere between repulsed, indifferent, or favorable to sex. All these words mean are one’s stance in terms of their own personal participation with sex.
I think because people assume asexuality = sex repulsion full stop, that’s the problem. Not enough proper sex education is being taught or is being viewed by the masses.
I could see where your friend was coming from as i had a conversation with someone a month ago where I said something similar and he said maybe I was asexual (I am). It seems like a lot of asexuals are also repulsed and unless they went through the long winded explanation with people about attraction vs. action, I have a feeling because of that it’s easier for people to grasp that asexuals fall underneath that monolith. Also the memes and content out there usually leans toward repulsed.
For context, I’m a Black heteromantic sex-indifferent woman and don’t see myself in media often (or at all). Granted I’m not looking for it but general when I watch an asexual character on TV, they are repulsed or sometimes ace, repulsed, and aromantic. All the nuances for being “in the middle” as it were are a lot more difficult to showcase than I think repulsed or favorable asexuals and even then, it’s not easy to find the asexual as main or lead.
Anyway I’m rambling lol. All that is to say, I understand why people assume that but until they educate themselves (as it’s not our job although we can point them in the right direction), it’s going to keep happening.
I myself am a apothisexual ace I feel no sexual attraction and am sex repulsed. I didn’t realize that people who won’t ace were using the ace label. Maybe there just confused and trying to find a label that fits them. I used to use bisexual before I found out that having equal no desire meant I was ace. I now use the lesbian label as I’m only romantically attracted to other women and not men.
Ah yeah see I didn’t even know that label. I found the asexual label for myself when I was around 14 so I think I thought “sexual attraction” meant sex drive. But I still see people using the term asexual for when they don’t have a desire, I even have to stop myself after rereading the definition. I guess they could be using the term as an umbrella but that gets confusing since asexual has its own definition
Yes, but the way you've presented it implies that people who are sex-repulsed shouldn't use the term ace if xyz. That's a little gatekeep-y. I didn't mean to imply you're a terrible person or anything, I only meant to point out that goin through exact definitions like this is a little pointless in my opinion.
I don't know if it's under the umbrella, but regardless I can very easily understand why someone, whether they label themselves as ace, or just as a sex-repulsed allo, would find a lot of comfort or shared experiences within the ace community and it's certainly not something I think is worth squabbling about. The only time I think it might affect someone is if it's a conversation with their partner or potential partner, in which case it might actually be important to communicate if you do experience sexual attraction or if you're just repulsed by sex.
I think it's a basic but common misunderstanding of asexuality.
Aces can be sex favourable, sex indifferent or sex repulsed. That's the breadth the community has always had and will likely always have. The main thing in common is a lack of, or very limited, sexual attraction to others - it's not a lifestyle against or aversion to sex. The extra is ultimately a harmful stereotype to all but a specific slice of the community.
Was browsing the sub yesterday, and it's noteworthy that some aces are sex workers. They're probably not sex repulsed, but I think they're as ace as any other. Concrete example of the kind of ace that gets erasure from the association of sex repulsion with asexuality.
And none of that is me saying sex repulsion is bad. I've got no judgement of it. I just mean that while there's a real overlap between the labels, there's also a lot of each community that isn't in that overlap.
Allosexuals can be entirely sex repulsed after all and some are more averse to sex than some asexuals, without either of their sexualities being thrown into question, right?
I'm asexual. I'm sex repulsed. The two terms are linked as far as I'm personally concerned. If someone wants to call themselves ace for whatever reason that's their right. Not all aces are going to be sex repulsed. Not all sex repulsed people are ace.
You sound quite young. People spend their entire lives figuring things out about themselves. A label you use ***now*** doesn't mean you will always use it as you grow and mature and learn who you are as a person. You are coming across as though someone has to be one or the other. People can identify under multiple labels all at the same time.
I get like the main definition of asexual is feeling little to no sexual attraction, but I feel like that definition is a bit limiting. People who are just sex repulsed may use the term asexual because they feel the definition of what asexuality is should include that, due to how closely connected the two labels are. This is a viewpoint I share.
Think of it like how every square is a rectangle, but not every rectangle is a square. You don't have to be sex repulsed to be an asexual, but to be sex repulsed is to be on the asexual spectrum. Why you may be receiving comments about "gatekeeping" is because their definition and your definition of asexual aren't the same, but you're assuming everyone goes by the same definition you're using. I believe that to be the source of this miscommunication you're experiencing.
Personally I am capable of some sort of sexual attraction, however at the same time these things that are sexual also repulse me to varying extents. The more "spicy" something is, the more I find myself repulsed. I consider myself asexual because of this disgust, but at the same time I wouldn't consider it "little to no sexual attraction". This reaches a point where certain things (like reproductive organs/sex) purely repulse me without any feeling of attraction. This is why I like the idea of a broader definition for asexuality, and why I consider myself part of the asexual community.
I've never felt sexual attraction and am somewhat sex-repulsed, or at best, averse. Sex-repulsion was the reason I went looking for a label and started researching asexuality, not the lack of attraction. Lack of attraction never made me feel part of a minority, compared with how dislike of sex did. I understand that lack of sexual attraction is the definition of asexuality, but I find it a confusing definition. (Much of what I consider sensual and not sexual is considered sexual by allo people.)
If my repulsion changes, I'm still ace. If my repulsion stays lifelong and my attraction changes, I'll equally still identify as ace.
Are you meaning people who genuinely feel sexual attraction but don't like it and don't want to have sex? I feel that's a pretty asexual spectrum thing if the person identified with the spectrum. It'd be one thing if it was a straight person who was like "I'm totally and undeniably sexually attracted to my partner, but I don't get the big idea about sex" or someone who felt that attraction but had a low sex drive or something.
If you're allo but feel different because you're not all for sex or even chill with it, you can identify with our spectrum if you want to. I feel like the ace and aro spectrums are different than the general sexuality spectrums because they're not about which genders you like but *how* you like them. That leaves room for vagueness and creates a grey area. The same way we can accept ace people who do have sex, I'm okay with allos hate the idea of sex.
It's definitely not black and white because I'm ace (demiace) and an allo sex repulsed person does not share a lot of our experiences which is namely not experiencing typical sexual attraction.
Thinking this all out I think I agree with you kinda? But I have to ask if this genuinely does happen enough for it to be a problem. I've seen questionably allo people trying to figure out where they lie on either spectrums because they're not quite ace but not quite allo and that's okay. I wouldn't appreciate someone coming into and asexual space but still saying they 100% have sexual attraction in the allo way but hate the idea of sex but again, does that happen? Sure it isn't impossible but it's not like they're trying to start a coup or something. There also is a label for having sexual attraction but not liking it on the old lgbta wiki. We're all different in the way we feel and I would gladly metaphorically hold hands with allo people who feel different because they don't have the same feelings about sex that other allo people do
It’s not a problem or anything, it’s just been something I’ve seen a lot, and like I said even I used the term asexual when I just didn’t have a sex drive (but I still don’t have sexual attraction so I’m still asexual lol), so I was just simply wondering where the confusion got to where people who are sex repulsed found the term asexual when it means attraction. But I guess they could be using it as the umbrella term? But then it kinda gets confusing if they use asexual as an umbrella term but aren’t the actual term asexual and arent under the definition of asexual itself, if that makes sense? Idk, I’m not hating on anyone or “gatekeeping” just simply wondering where the confusion, again I say I myself got the confusion, came from
>where the confusion got to where people who are sex repulsed found the term asexual when it means attraction.
When I google 'asexuality definition', the LGBT wiki only talks about sexual attraction indeed, but the normal wiki says: "no sexual attraction *or* low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity."
And that's actually a definition we often find online on different websites, I've tried that for the last few minutes. The *or* matters a lot here. That may be one of a possible reason? After all with the wiki definition allos who are sex repulsed officially fit.
Ahhhh okay so it could be due to not every source online being on the same page? Thank you for actually understanding my post. Yeah cause I think when I was having my mini sexuality crisis I relooked up asexual definition and I think I only saw about sexual attraction. But I also see other people describe it as only the sexual attraction. That’s why it was wracking my brain
No prob! I think many people who struggle with this kind of thing would rather go online to find answers while staying anonymous than talk about it to people around them. When they find the word that fits them, the majority of people don't dig much more, unfortunately.
But the truth is that even if they were talking about it with 'real' people, others may change or be selective about the full definition if it fits their goal or their own opinion about it, that's how many clichés are made, not just for asexuality but for everything :s
There are definitely people out there who take queer terms and boil them down to the smallest definition they can so they can cosplay as a queer person while knowing that they're just pretending and they might have a big following on social media. But this doesn't happen all that much and I'm not trying to say you're talking about people who are like an asexual boogeyman with how rare they are.
The people who are genuine with it I think come from a place of not fitting in with either side. Terms like sex favorable, repulsed etc are usually used within the ace community and are kinda seen as an ace thing. Most allo people are sex favorable or at the very least a true neutral and thats a forgotten part of what it means to be truly allo and furthermore straight/cishet. Being queer means to not fit society's standards and expectations of gender and sexuality and how you feel about having sex itself is part of it. I and a lot of ace people don't just think about how they feel about sexual attraction but how they feel about sex as a whole when questioning their sexuality. This can lead people to find out they're not, for example, homosexual biromantic but actually lesbian or ace instead of allo and vice versa.
In the same idea of bow we use the split attraction model there might be some people whose sexual attraction they experience and feelings about sex don't line up to what society expects them to have. The ace community is pretty good about believing you can be whatever ace identity and feel whatever about sex but the straights and allos believe if you feel that attraction then you gotta like sex. I can totally see someone being upset with that unacceptable and imbalance that the find comfort in the asexual label.
I think as long as it's handled with care, nuance, understanding and thought then it's not enforcing the stereotype that asexuals are just lifelong virgins who can't score a date. There are gonna be people who will say stuff like this to be acephobic but there are people out there who feel this way and it's important to try to go deep to understand them
Asexuality is about lack of attraction. It has nothing to do with libido, sex repulsion or favourability.
Anyone of any orientation can be sex repulsed; however for many allo people, their attraction overrides it. So they're less likely to identify with the label or avoid sex because of their repulsion than an ace person might be.
Likewise, more sex-repulsed ace people will realise they're asexual, since many ace people who enjoy sex don't realise they are ace for a long time because of misunderstandings and stereotypes surronding sexual attraction and desire.
Therefore you might find sex-repulsed people overrepresented in the asexual community. These are all generalisations, of course. Apothi's are just as valid as sex-favourable aces!
Because that's just what most people think of when they first hear the term, it's a very common misconception. Most people who aren't knowledgeable about these things don't distinguish between sexual attraction and sexual desire.
Anyone (allo or ace) can feel anywhere between repulsed, indifferent, or favorable to sex. All these words mean are one’s stance in terms of their own personal participation with sex. I think because people assume asexuality = sex repulsion full stop, that’s the problem. Not enough proper sex education is being taught or is being viewed by the masses.
Jesus thank you finally someone understood what I was asking
I could see where your friend was coming from as i had a conversation with someone a month ago where I said something similar and he said maybe I was asexual (I am). It seems like a lot of asexuals are also repulsed and unless they went through the long winded explanation with people about attraction vs. action, I have a feeling because of that it’s easier for people to grasp that asexuals fall underneath that monolith. Also the memes and content out there usually leans toward repulsed. For context, I’m a Black heteromantic sex-indifferent woman and don’t see myself in media often (or at all). Granted I’m not looking for it but general when I watch an asexual character on TV, they are repulsed or sometimes ace, repulsed, and aromantic. All the nuances for being “in the middle” as it were are a lot more difficult to showcase than I think repulsed or favorable asexuals and even then, it’s not easy to find the asexual as main or lead. Anyway I’m rambling lol. All that is to say, I understand why people assume that but until they educate themselves (as it’s not our job although we can point them in the right direction), it’s going to keep happening.
I myself am a apothisexual ace I feel no sexual attraction and am sex repulsed. I didn’t realize that people who won’t ace were using the ace label. Maybe there just confused and trying to find a label that fits them. I used to use bisexual before I found out that having equal no desire meant I was ace. I now use the lesbian label as I’m only romantically attracted to other women and not men.
Ah yeah see I didn’t even know that label. I found the asexual label for myself when I was around 14 so I think I thought “sexual attraction” meant sex drive. But I still see people using the term asexual for when they don’t have a desire, I even have to stop myself after rereading the definition. I guess they could be using the term as an umbrella but that gets confusing since asexual has its own definition
Isn't that under the ace umbrella? Besides, if someone identifies with the label and it makes sense to them, I see no point in gatekeeping it.
I’m not trying to gatekeep it?????
Well, when you say that people who wanna use the term shouldn't be using it, that's what that sounds like, dude.
Where did I say that? All I said was I’m confused and just wanted to understand how other people like MYSELF got it confused
Yes, but the way you've presented it implies that people who are sex-repulsed shouldn't use the term ace if xyz. That's a little gatekeep-y. I didn't mean to imply you're a terrible person or anything, I only meant to point out that goin through exact definitions like this is a little pointless in my opinion.
Jesus Christ all I am is CONFUSED. Thats all! There’s nothing more to it than
Dude, relax. I wasn't coming for you or anything.
I don't know if it's under the umbrella, but regardless I can very easily understand why someone, whether they label themselves as ace, or just as a sex-repulsed allo, would find a lot of comfort or shared experiences within the ace community and it's certainly not something I think is worth squabbling about. The only time I think it might affect someone is if it's a conversation with their partner or potential partner, in which case it might actually be important to communicate if you do experience sexual attraction or if you're just repulsed by sex.
Some people probably don't know it until discovering it, but they probably can be sex-repulsed allosexuals. Yes, allos also can feel repulsion too
I think it's a basic but common misunderstanding of asexuality. Aces can be sex favourable, sex indifferent or sex repulsed. That's the breadth the community has always had and will likely always have. The main thing in common is a lack of, or very limited, sexual attraction to others - it's not a lifestyle against or aversion to sex. The extra is ultimately a harmful stereotype to all but a specific slice of the community. Was browsing the sub yesterday, and it's noteworthy that some aces are sex workers. They're probably not sex repulsed, but I think they're as ace as any other. Concrete example of the kind of ace that gets erasure from the association of sex repulsion with asexuality. And none of that is me saying sex repulsion is bad. I've got no judgement of it. I just mean that while there's a real overlap between the labels, there's also a lot of each community that isn't in that overlap. Allosexuals can be entirely sex repulsed after all and some are more averse to sex than some asexuals, without either of their sexualities being thrown into question, right?
I'm asexual. I'm sex repulsed. The two terms are linked as far as I'm personally concerned. If someone wants to call themselves ace for whatever reason that's their right. Not all aces are going to be sex repulsed. Not all sex repulsed people are ace. You sound quite young. People spend their entire lives figuring things out about themselves. A label you use ***now*** doesn't mean you will always use it as you grow and mature and learn who you are as a person. You are coming across as though someone has to be one or the other. People can identify under multiple labels all at the same time.
I get like the main definition of asexual is feeling little to no sexual attraction, but I feel like that definition is a bit limiting. People who are just sex repulsed may use the term asexual because they feel the definition of what asexuality is should include that, due to how closely connected the two labels are. This is a viewpoint I share. Think of it like how every square is a rectangle, but not every rectangle is a square. You don't have to be sex repulsed to be an asexual, but to be sex repulsed is to be on the asexual spectrum. Why you may be receiving comments about "gatekeeping" is because their definition and your definition of asexual aren't the same, but you're assuming everyone goes by the same definition you're using. I believe that to be the source of this miscommunication you're experiencing. Personally I am capable of some sort of sexual attraction, however at the same time these things that are sexual also repulse me to varying extents. The more "spicy" something is, the more I find myself repulsed. I consider myself asexual because of this disgust, but at the same time I wouldn't consider it "little to no sexual attraction". This reaches a point where certain things (like reproductive organs/sex) purely repulse me without any feeling of attraction. This is why I like the idea of a broader definition for asexuality, and why I consider myself part of the asexual community.
I've never felt sexual attraction and am somewhat sex-repulsed, or at best, averse. Sex-repulsion was the reason I went looking for a label and started researching asexuality, not the lack of attraction. Lack of attraction never made me feel part of a minority, compared with how dislike of sex did. I understand that lack of sexual attraction is the definition of asexuality, but I find it a confusing definition. (Much of what I consider sensual and not sexual is considered sexual by allo people.) If my repulsion changes, I'm still ace. If my repulsion stays lifelong and my attraction changes, I'll equally still identify as ace.
Are you meaning people who genuinely feel sexual attraction but don't like it and don't want to have sex? I feel that's a pretty asexual spectrum thing if the person identified with the spectrum. It'd be one thing if it was a straight person who was like "I'm totally and undeniably sexually attracted to my partner, but I don't get the big idea about sex" or someone who felt that attraction but had a low sex drive or something. If you're allo but feel different because you're not all for sex or even chill with it, you can identify with our spectrum if you want to. I feel like the ace and aro spectrums are different than the general sexuality spectrums because they're not about which genders you like but *how* you like them. That leaves room for vagueness and creates a grey area. The same way we can accept ace people who do have sex, I'm okay with allos hate the idea of sex. It's definitely not black and white because I'm ace (demiace) and an allo sex repulsed person does not share a lot of our experiences which is namely not experiencing typical sexual attraction. Thinking this all out I think I agree with you kinda? But I have to ask if this genuinely does happen enough for it to be a problem. I've seen questionably allo people trying to figure out where they lie on either spectrums because they're not quite ace but not quite allo and that's okay. I wouldn't appreciate someone coming into and asexual space but still saying they 100% have sexual attraction in the allo way but hate the idea of sex but again, does that happen? Sure it isn't impossible but it's not like they're trying to start a coup or something. There also is a label for having sexual attraction but not liking it on the old lgbta wiki. We're all different in the way we feel and I would gladly metaphorically hold hands with allo people who feel different because they don't have the same feelings about sex that other allo people do
It’s not a problem or anything, it’s just been something I’ve seen a lot, and like I said even I used the term asexual when I just didn’t have a sex drive (but I still don’t have sexual attraction so I’m still asexual lol), so I was just simply wondering where the confusion got to where people who are sex repulsed found the term asexual when it means attraction. But I guess they could be using it as the umbrella term? But then it kinda gets confusing if they use asexual as an umbrella term but aren’t the actual term asexual and arent under the definition of asexual itself, if that makes sense? Idk, I’m not hating on anyone or “gatekeeping” just simply wondering where the confusion, again I say I myself got the confusion, came from
>where the confusion got to where people who are sex repulsed found the term asexual when it means attraction. When I google 'asexuality definition', the LGBT wiki only talks about sexual attraction indeed, but the normal wiki says: "no sexual attraction *or* low or absent interest in or desire for sexual activity." And that's actually a definition we often find online on different websites, I've tried that for the last few minutes. The *or* matters a lot here. That may be one of a possible reason? After all with the wiki definition allos who are sex repulsed officially fit.
Ahhhh okay so it could be due to not every source online being on the same page? Thank you for actually understanding my post. Yeah cause I think when I was having my mini sexuality crisis I relooked up asexual definition and I think I only saw about sexual attraction. But I also see other people describe it as only the sexual attraction. That’s why it was wracking my brain
No prob! I think many people who struggle with this kind of thing would rather go online to find answers while staying anonymous than talk about it to people around them. When they find the word that fits them, the majority of people don't dig much more, unfortunately. But the truth is that even if they were talking about it with 'real' people, others may change or be selective about the full definition if it fits their goal or their own opinion about it, that's how many clichés are made, not just for asexuality but for everything :s
There are definitely people out there who take queer terms and boil them down to the smallest definition they can so they can cosplay as a queer person while knowing that they're just pretending and they might have a big following on social media. But this doesn't happen all that much and I'm not trying to say you're talking about people who are like an asexual boogeyman with how rare they are. The people who are genuine with it I think come from a place of not fitting in with either side. Terms like sex favorable, repulsed etc are usually used within the ace community and are kinda seen as an ace thing. Most allo people are sex favorable or at the very least a true neutral and thats a forgotten part of what it means to be truly allo and furthermore straight/cishet. Being queer means to not fit society's standards and expectations of gender and sexuality and how you feel about having sex itself is part of it. I and a lot of ace people don't just think about how they feel about sexual attraction but how they feel about sex as a whole when questioning their sexuality. This can lead people to find out they're not, for example, homosexual biromantic but actually lesbian or ace instead of allo and vice versa. In the same idea of bow we use the split attraction model there might be some people whose sexual attraction they experience and feelings about sex don't line up to what society expects them to have. The ace community is pretty good about believing you can be whatever ace identity and feel whatever about sex but the straights and allos believe if you feel that attraction then you gotta like sex. I can totally see someone being upset with that unacceptable and imbalance that the find comfort in the asexual label. I think as long as it's handled with care, nuance, understanding and thought then it's not enforcing the stereotype that asexuals are just lifelong virgins who can't score a date. There are gonna be people who will say stuff like this to be acephobic but there are people out there who feel this way and it's important to try to go deep to understand them
because it's simple
Asexuality is about lack of attraction. It has nothing to do with libido, sex repulsion or favourability. Anyone of any orientation can be sex repulsed; however for many allo people, their attraction overrides it. So they're less likely to identify with the label or avoid sex because of their repulsion than an ace person might be. Likewise, more sex-repulsed ace people will realise they're asexual, since many ace people who enjoy sex don't realise they are ace for a long time because of misunderstandings and stereotypes surronding sexual attraction and desire. Therefore you might find sex-repulsed people overrepresented in the asexual community. These are all generalisations, of course. Apothi's are just as valid as sex-favourable aces!
Because that's just what most people think of when they first hear the term, it's a very common misconception. Most people who aren't knowledgeable about these things don't distinguish between sexual attraction and sexual desire.
Before I read all you wrote, you use the words sex-repulsed, but do you mean sexually repressed? I’m just looking for clarification. Ty.