Plus it may reduce the stigmatization AND you don’t want anyone who doesn’t have interest in the full spectrum of who you are. My hesitation is that it may also attract the wrong person who would take advantage of an Autistic individual or merely they want to meet someone diagnosed with Autism for the experience rather than actual serious interest. I suppose if I saw that in a dating profile I would want to know why you chose to include it before meeting you.
As a dude I wouldn’t recommend putting it on a guys profile because we already have a hard enough time getting a match the statistics are not at all in guys favor it’s a number thing and ANYTHING is enough to turn off chicks from your profile so it’s important to wait for the appropriate time to talk about it if your a dude and actually want to get a match with online dating. That’s my two cents as lower class medium attractive 34male in America. I think as a female it’s probably a lot more of a you just do you situation because I don’t think it will get in the way of finding matches in that same way as it does for guys. I agree it’s a good idea to state it on your profile if your female to weed out the losers who wouldn’t want to date one of us lol since you’ll get match’s either way why not weed out those people. If your a dude who gets a ton of match’s I would state it if your looking for a wife but I’d leave it off of there if your just looking for hookups because it’s not an important factor in a hookup like it is with marrying someone.
Not saying that you are wrong or anything but just offering my opinion. Which one is more important, the quantity or quality of matches?
As in, is it really good thing to have more matches if each one of those will not result to anything as they were not really match? As opposed to being honest in your profile you might get fewer matches, but those who then match are more likely to be sharing similar qualities. There are ND women out there as well who are looking for ND guys, and you might just not reach them if you are masking.
Of course, as you said, it is also dependant on what one is looking for, relationship or just hook ups.
I actually had it written on my profiles for some time but took it off after getting no matches after ages. I wouldn’t actually recommend using the apps at all though if your not getting into that top ten percent algorithm where your actually getting matches because it’s a million times more successful to just approach women in public in my experience. However I don’t actually see a lot of women in my day to day life with being sober and working from home so I still painfully use the apps on occasion but much prefer approaching in public because god those apps are bad for your mental health if your not getting matches. Hell even if you are getting matches it is not healthy to base compatibility off of such superficial things on the apps you know haha they are getting better to include more important features like kids and religion views etc.
Yeah, you got a fair point there. I have to admit I don't have much experience about the apps as I am terribly afraid of rejection and have thought that maybe they are not a good idea. But that also is guiding my thinking that maybe few matches is still better than only bad matches.
I do also have an issue with meeting people as my hobbies are mostly solitary, don't really like meeting new people (yay social anxiety) and I struggle to express my self in person.
I was more hoping you were a lower class medium attractive 34 year old female haha but hey that’s okay let’s party bro 😎 I’ll bring the beers! Unfortunately they are non alcoholic so I hope your weed is strong lmao.
Btw I would recommend not referring to women as "females" in your comment. It would be okay if you also said "males", but when you pair "females" with "guys" it gives weird incel vibes.
This reminded me of someone who asked me out and when we hung out, he wouldn’t stop asking me very detailed and personal questions about my ED (something I was upfront about with dates after my first ex, since even revealing I was in remission was his deal breaker). It was so weird and off putting. Made me feel like an alien being interrogated lol.
I'm engaged now with someone I met on Tinder, and I didn't put it in the app, because a lot of people don't understand what it is but would be willing to learn with the right person. What I did was on the first couple of dates, I would "give a heads up" on my symptoms without saying the word autism. Example: "You should probably know, I really struggle with reading facial expressions and emotions, so if I'm not picking up on something just let me know and I'll adjust". Or "Sometimes I get really overwhelmed and need to step away and get in a better place. You don't have to do anything, just give me a little time."
Then if things were going well, by date 4 or 5 I'd tell them I was autistic. There was one person that was immediately turned off by it. That's cool, we ended things. But my fiancé responded with compassion and curiosity and also did a bunch of research on his own, and it was part of how I knew he's the one.
I’ll never forget when I first started pursuing the late diagnosis.. I told my husband “….I think i might be autistic” and he says “yeah…I know.” Hahaha. Nothing changed. He said he knew well before I realized but didn’t want to try and label me himself, since he isn’t a physiologist. We’re celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary this Saturday!! I made him a leather wallet (3rd year is leather!!)
That’s what I do as well. The word “autism” is so misunderstood that talking about the symptoms first and seeing how the other person handles that is way easier than just expecting people to know the wide spectrum of autistic traits.
You don’t have to put it by any means, but personally I’d rather weed out the folks who see the word autism and wouldn’t match with me because of it. I wouldn’t want to be around them anyways lol. I didn’t meet my gf on a dating app but she knew I was autistic from the start. since it’s been such a huge part of our relationship navigating my audhd and her trauma and adhd, I’m glad she knew before we started dating. It allowed me to fully unmask at a time when I didn’t even know how to. It felt like I was starting fresh with someone who never knew me before and couldn’t say things like “I never noticed” or “but you were always like *this* in school.” Or whatever.
You may attract other autistic and neurodivergent people as well, which is often great because you can understand one another better in theory. You could also just put that you’re neurodivergent in your profile. Some people might not know what it means and may ask questions or ignore it at first, but others will know what it means and may reach out to connect with someone like them!
No I sound never. If we click on the date I'd mention it probably but putting that info out there is really dangerous and opens you up to targeted manipulation.
Just a word of general advice, especially to the younger folx- do not put your diagnosis, mental health issues, etc in your bios. Strangers do not need access to ways to hurt you. Especially as a minor this puts a target on you from creeps. When you're older and can see through the bs more easily you can share that information if you feel drawn to advocate and destigmatize, but when you are younger, a minor or even into early 20s, there's just not a lot of life experience to draw from for most people to be able to go "this person does not have my best interests in mind." And even then being older and more experienced, we're autistic, we want to trust people at face value and that makes it hard to navigate these things some times.
I stay away from dating apps generally. Either I put that I'm autistic and get weird questions about it on top of like no matches, or I don't and people don't like me because I'm weird. It doesn't help that I'm trans too, which makes dating apps harder generally. But when I did try out dating apps, I put the fact that I have autism in my bio. It may make it harder to match with people, but at least no one will get a nasty surprise when I act autistic
autistic and trans here, ive noticed its a bit harder for us. the people i get i dont often match with cause we dont have anything in common, OR we match and they dont talk to me --i have learned on several occasions apparently that i am intimidating or seem "too cool"?? but i literally have no friends or social skills and it sucks because if i seem that cool, please talk to me!!!! i do a lot better in person but not so much with dating. i wish friends would set me up with people or something
I do have it in my profile. It is an important part of my identity. As important as my hobbies,work or education. It does influence every facet of my life and omitting is just dishonest.
Does it have a lower chance for a match? Yeah, not really. I experimented with having and not having it and it does not change the amount of matches I get. Even if it did, I want somebody who accepts it, so quality over quantity of matches.
A person is much more than their diagnostic label so no I wouldn’t advise that. However, if you identify yourself with that label, then certainly it may help to know what that means for you in a relationship so that anyone interested, better understands why you feel it’s important to knowing and understanding relationships with autism present.
Yea I don’t like labeling that much either. I’m just “different” and I’m wondering how I should find a person who can accept that. I don’t like to say I’m different but I’m sure you get what I mean. For example nobody will ever can come in my flat it’s my safe space.
Okay if that is a nonnegotiable then you can sort of use humor and something known to mask your truth on your dating profile such as, “Dating me more than one date will introduce you to my personal rendition of Sheldon’s Terms & Conditions, which can be amended but serious interest only for those familiar with Big Bang Theory. No I am not Sheldon but his character is relatable regarding my unique personality.”
In your own words but you get my drift.
I'm putting the keyword "zebra" in my profile. I don't know in the rest of the world, but in France, it means neuro diverse. I've seen a number of other profiles either with a zebra emoji or with pictures of mazes, decision trees, fractals, etc.
Ah, well, that's the risk :)
Although technically, I write "zébré", so... I guess that would mean something about the color of my skin or hair? Since I'm graying, that could still be interpreted as something literally true :)
I don’t usually use them but yes. Cause before I attracted a lot of normies who when learnt that I am what they percieve as weird ghosted the fuck out of me. Since it was on my profile I attracted almost only NDs. I prefer that
I am staying clear from dating apps, but when I do return, I'm thinking about putting it in my profile and also writing there that I am interested in meeting other autistic people too.
My dating life has always been a mess and very bad, I guess it could change for the better if I met ND people instead of NT.
Dating profile? I would not have even considered entering into this brave new world of self commodification. Probably going to tweak some noses with this, but I find that whole thing deeply depressing.
I don't really do dating apps but I'm always upfront with any potential partners that I'm autistic because it's something I struggle with daily. In the past I would hide it and it only turned out terribly for me as I would end up mistreated or dumped by people who didn't really get why I am the way I am. I want someone to know and have that expectation before I dive into any casual or long-term relationship.
I don't and I wouldn't.
There's alot of misunderstanding and misconceptions about autism, you're more likely than not to scare away people who simply don't even know what it actually is, and not people who have an actual problem with autism.
Just act yourself, they'll see you're weird, they don't have to actually know why you're weird, they just have to like how weird you are, and eventually if you start actually dating it'll come up.
Also, it's just not really great to add too personal things in your bio, be casual about it.
So far I (male btw) haven't. Maybe I should try, can't get less than no likes after all. Maybe some more will take pity on me then.
Would be interesting to see the results for women though, would people be more hesitant or weirder when texting? Would they try to exploit it somehow as a weakness? Damn now I'm kinda invested in finding out as well
I personally have. It's a risk and it turns a lot of people off, but anyone that matches is immediately aware and generally more open to it, leading to less disappointment and awkward conversations.
It has pros and cons, I generally lean towards it having more pros.
I put that since I'm autistic it's difficult for me to go to bars/concerts/sporting events because of my sensory issues. It acts as a filter for people who's lifestyle's might not be compatible with mine.
When I was on dating apps (and plan on trying again soon-ish) I put it in my profile. I just want people to know ahead of time so I don't waste my time on people who learn about my diagnosis and dip lol
The only dating app I’m on is essentially a dating app for autistic people, so it doesn’t really matter on there. As for other apps, I’m honestly kinda afraid of talking about it in a way that encourages direct 1+1 interaction, so probably not. I won’t say absolutely not, if I feel comfortable on the app and have good experiences I may, but I think I’d probably stick to telling matches I end up clicking with that I’m autistic rather than putting it on my profile.
That's what I did, if I was gonna be with someone it was gonna be with someone who wouldn't have a single issue with it. Weed out the abelists! Thankfully I have a wonderful partner I met by chance so I obviously don't need those apps anymore, selection wasn't great to be honest.
Nope.
Everyone has a generalisation in their mind about autism, even many autistic people. I prefer to be myself and perhaps drop at some point ”oh btw I’m autistic”
I’m in a relationship with a person I met in Tinder. She is autistic too.
There were *lots* of hints in the bio which made me think she might be.
I’ve been very torn about this. On the one had, I am disabled and very “weird” so I would love to try to weed out anyone who isn’t prepared for that weirdness and such to show through. On the other hand, there are so many vile people out there looking for other folks to take advantage of and manipulate for their own gratification- and announcing someone is autistic is like turning on a light with a cluster of moths for these abusers, and having ended up with one already I am hyper vigilant about not letting that happen again. Conundrum
Of course I would, and I have. If they don’t want to date me due to their misconceptions and biases, that’s their loss. And honestly, it attracts more ND folks like me, and it’s way better to date other autistic people IME.
Absolutely. If you match with someone who has something against autism, you're setting yourself up to fail. Not to mention, a lot of the time we pair better with other autistic people, so if I wasn't already married I might actually go out of my way to try and find women with autism in their profiles.
Yes, 100%. I'd put it in my profile to kinda filter out the nasties so I know who is worth pursuing or not. Plus I'd hopefully be able to draw in some other autistic people, which would make it easier for me.
I really have to because it's extremely disabling for me and I need significant support from both my loved ones and the state. not everyone can handle being with someone like me and that's perfectly fine, but I'm not gonna waste both of our time.
i put a list of things im looking for in one of the prompts on hinge and for the last thing i say i’m looking for i say (neurodivergent) in parentheses
This is a difficult question for me to answer because I've never used a dating app and I'll never need to because I'm getting married soon. And I think dating apps are awful, terrible things.
But considering I tell everyone and anyone that I'm autistic from literally the first time I meet them, which is I guess a similar to vein to what you're asking, I suppose hypothetically the answer would be yes. My autism is not a secret to anyone
yes. I want to know the person im putting time and energy into accepts that part of me. It helps me feel more comfortable being myself if a women responds positively.
I (29F) put on my profile that I'm neurodivergent. Usually men ask me questions and more details about it. When they don't ask I tend to not talk to them anymore haha
Edit: forgot to mention that as a result, I'm meeting with neurodivergent folks too :) I feel way more accepted now than before when I was hiding it. If it has to be a deal-breaker, I'm glad that it is early on
now i am out bc i miss so much someone but some years ago i decided to do so and zero match i dis it on purpose i am not really handsome but sone human females matched but since i dewd i am adhd qith autistic traits nothing…. the average world is so mean 😢
No, I don’t need another mark against me.
This is like my height. No one actually cares, but they’ll definitely swipe no over it if I put it out there.
(I put my height on my profile for a while so people wouldn’t be surprised I’m that much taller than them, and my match rate plummeted)
If you're a woman sure, but if you're a man it's a GUARANTEED way to get rejected/ignored. Then again I'm a little salty after a third failed attempt at online dating.
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Seeing as I didn't realise until my fiance laid it out and then a whole bunch of friends backed her up, I'd probably say just keep it to yourself until you're at a point where you can have an open and honest conversation about it.
Lots of people are on the spectrum and go about their lives happily ignorant of the fact.
Hi I'm autistic and I have autism autistically, most days in an autistic manner...
Kidding, but because it never does any good to hide who you are and have them react negatively to it later. When you've gotten your hopes up. Some people can have negative visceral reactions to finding out, like being trans. So I like to be up front, so that if they're an ableist, we have nothing further to say up front. Also let's you weed out the ones who fetishize it.
Went on a few dates here and there without the mention of my autism on my profile (I'm normally pretty secretive about it) but after getting rejected so many times, I assumed I was making the other person feel awkward and they weren't ready for the neurodivergent shitstorm. So now I mention it just to make sure others are aware of what they may be getting into
I never did, no. I wasn't comfortable with publicly outing myself and felt it would limit my options. I would tell a partner some time after it had become serious.
Telling someone after you've gotten to know them a little gives them an opportunity to understand you better. Putting it right in the profile tells them "this person has baggage." No one is already invested just from reading a profile. IMO, give them an opportunity to become invested first.
Yes. It has a big impact on my life, and if someone would reject me due to simply knowing I have it, without even knowing how it affects me, I would not want to date that person in the first place. It would help weed out potential mismatches in my opinion!
I do! I mainly put it there because I'm a sub, and if I go non-verbal or have some type of shutdown, my Dom would need to know how to handle that.
I also do it to weed out more people. Being a trans gay man weeds out a good bit. Being exclusively BDSM weeds out so many. And being autistic (with other mental health problems) weeds out even more.
Yes because - huge generalisation here - I tend to alarm and confuse people who are very NT, and there is a disconnect in needs, wants, personality, communication, thoughts, norms etc. They do not understand me and that's not fun for either of us. I only have some understanding of them due to being forced to consider/puzzle over NT thoughts my whole life. I need people who are very NT to deselect themselves for a relationship of that nature.
Absolutely not. I've already had many people take advantage of my autism including being groomed by a paedophile when I was 18-19. It's not like it's really important. There's stigma around autistics who like or want sex and plus I'm aromantic and not looking for a non romantic partnership either. Been looking for friends with benefits mostly. I am only attracted to people older than 30.
Nope.
Too many people who are dating websites are scammers and fetish seekers. People with autism are seen as easy marks for the first. Even if you are not you would have to filter them out. While not trying to shame people with fetishes…sorry it’s just creepy in this case.
Another consideration is discrimination, such as employment discrimination, now or in the future. Most public facing pages on the internet are archived and accessible to competent coders. It’s pretty common practice for potential employees to be subject to a search by potential employers. About 1/2 the time it’s done by someone who knows how to find this archived information. Laws vary by location but the federal law in the US only prohibits asking about a disability-based protected statuses. If it’s disclosed or publicly available it’s not discrimination to make a hiring decision based on it. Some states are more restrictive and other countries vary quite a bit. Since about 70% of company HR professionals (anonymously) admit that those hiring access surveys on diversity, and it factors into hiring decisions, anything you can do to protect yourself is good.
If you are considering it for complete transparency purposes then I would suggest early in the messaging part of the interaction letting them know.
I’d just tell them in person rather than have it be on my profile.
That’s what I did with someone I started talking to at the end of last year for our first date but I also talked about it casually when bringing up my first tattoo plan.
Yes.
I did.
And I met a wonderful, little Korean-American who's a bigger Weeb and nerd than I am.
We're not sure if he's on the spectrum or not, but it clearly doesn't bother him that I stated so immediately.
Being honest about the aspects of who you are is crucial, in my opinion. :)
Nope because abusive/toxic people will in purpose for their entertainment Target you out to f-ck with your mental health and inner peace because they are either:
• Get thief jollies from abusing people who are people pleasers/codependent types
• Want to find someone who they can breakdown and mold into a person to later discard or hurt
• Will have an easier time with persuasion and guilt tripping
You wait to vet anyone you date first and find out without telling them, their views on ADHD/ASD/AuDHD because you do not know what someone’s intentions are till you get to know them.
So you need to be sure you’re not getting stuck with a toxic person who can give you trauma who will on purpose wield your diagnosis against you.
Personally I would not but would make coded references to it that other ND might notice. Simply because you might be more vulnerable to anyone who doesn't have the best intentions. I would probably think about disclosing it to anyone I was talking to seriously if I felt I could trust them.
It's never a good idea most of the time, because you're far more likely to be discriminated against. And the same goes for job interviews and writing resumes, you don't announce it, because most people don't see the spectrum, they just think about that one person in their family who is low functioning or that one person at work who is always taking about themselves and being obnoxious and then they picture that and reject you.
The same goes for men who are bisexual, many women automatically assume that they are either confused or slutty when in reality, it's often not the case.
It's easier to educate people when you're already part of their life than when you're a complete stranger that they don't yet trust. I have had many people disagree with me over this and telling me I am dishonest but out of all the secrets people keep, this is the most necessary and least harmful. I mean if you have STDs and you tell them you're clean, then yeah it's bad, but if you're wired a specific way they don't need to know it, since it won't hurt them or put them in any danger. That's the most logical way to see it.
I don’t think I had it on mine, but I did put something along the lines of “must be understanding of mental health” after a really bad experience with a guy who got mad at me for knowing I was autistic and not trying to “fix” it (being too literal, etc).
I ended up finding the perfect partner, but that ofc has a lot to do with being patient and weeding out a ton of people. It takes a long time but was absolutely worth it.
I will also say that I am pretty good at picking up signs of manipulation and things like that after being raised by a narcissist, so it kinda like a survival instinct for me now. But that’s not true for a lot of autistic people, so my advice is to be veryyyy careful. I think if you find the right person they won’t be upset if they found out you waited a month to tell them you’re autistic or something like that.
A few years ago, no. My ex bullied me a bit over it, I don't think he viewed it as bullying, and at the time, neither did I, but I ended up being self-conscious about it anyway, haha. These days, I feel like there's more accepting people, and as someone who masks pretty decently I don't want to deal with someone who is going to turn around when I finally tell them and be like 'well you don't act/look/seem autistic'.
May attract a few weirdos who fetishise it, but I imagine I could weed them out myself. I'd be able to at least know whoever is messaging me is probably understanding or at least open-minded.
I don't think so. It's something id reveal after a short interaction probably. I'm not in the market for a relationship so I haven't thought about it much.
I'm not diagnosed, but I'm 30...at this point it's obvious I'm not able to keep up with my NT peers in life. It's like Im stuck at 23 mentally or idk maybe Im too naive to just accept being a boring adult and just work non-stop.
So Idk I don't relate to people my age anymore.
If I did have a diagnosis I would include it so I could weed out anyone that has unrealistic expectations about what being qith me would be like.
No. It could result in people taking advantage of you. I would save it until you’ve actually met the people in person and gotten a feel for them a little.
Yes, I did.
After my wife left me when I got my diagnosis, I had no intention of wasting anymore of my time with awful dickheads who have an issue with autistic people.
yes, also put that i am part of a system + polyamorous,
dont want to waste time with people that would not want to understand + help finding other neurospicy folks in dating apps
I certainly do. Not only will it weed out the hateful people, but it will also let people know a little bit more about me that they desperately need to. I’m someone that a lot of people would call “quirky“. And it’s very obvious about my character when I am interacting with someone in person. So I think it’s very important that they know this about me.
No don't because the world is stupid and biased. Put that what you are. Intelligent, focused, empathic ,highly sensitive etc. autism is a gift but the packaging needs to be better. Labels are for medical not personal.
No. Without putting too much misanthropic spin on it, like 60% of people are going to look at that and go "What is that? I dunno, sounds lame. Skip." They're not bad people. They're just ignorant and trying to skim through profiles as fast as possible.
I sincerely think it's a better idea to write about your personality and interests in honest ways that will be relatable and understandable to everyone. People in the know can probably figure out if you're in the club just based on things like "loves trains, picky eater, ask me about early modern hygiene practices" etc lol.
I have it on mine (43M). The way I see it is, I'd never get matches before anyway (I only added it last year or so), so it's not putting anyone off that wasn't already. And since it does impact how I interact with people, it needs to be something the other person should be aware of. Also, if there's even a right woman out there for me (which at this point, I very highly doubt), she'd need to be understanding enough where it's not a big deal -- anyone not liking me because it's on my profile isn't that person.
This might be a hot take, but you can usually tell who is neurodivergent from their dating profiles. You don’t need to state that you’re autistic, unless you’re specifically/only looking for other autistic people or something. Everyone I’ve talked to on dating apps have clocked that I’m queer and ~mentally quirky~ just based on my profile
i tell people irl as soon as i meet them so they know that my behaviors and rituals are a result of me being autistic and that i’m not purposefully being ruminant or obsessive to skeeve them out. online and with dating apps i put it in my bio to rule out people who would be turned off by that. certainly not a requirement but it’s helped me
Probably not, only bc mine is mild and I can mask it pretty easily. I’d wait till the 3rd date or so to mention it. I do think it’s important to mention it fairly early on, though
My gut tells me not to, but when I tried saying I was neurodivergent (I didn’t say autistic upfront, but I’d specify if people asked) I got notably better results, including meeting my current partner. But that was also on a different app and after several years, so of course the change might not all be down to that.
No. I've been taken advantage of far too much. I'm pretty sure if they're worth it, they'd pick up on it eventually or question if I am on the spectrum or not. But no, I'm not advertising.
Edit to add: slipped my mind, but I just went to change my avatar on my profile to find I had openly advertised to the entire Reddit community and then some. 😂 fail of the day
I don't because I'm not diagnosed but I mention that I think I'm autistic before the first date if possible, and if not then definitely on the first date. My sensory processing issues (diagnosed) get mentioned before meeting IRL 100% of the time.
I've never not gotten a second date because of it, because I only go out with people who I feel are accepting of non-NTs (I seem to have a good radar for finding people with ADHD).
I'm not sure. I kind of wonder if it would attract abusive people who think we're easy to manipulate. Take my words with a grain of salt, because I tend to be paranoid and cynical.
I do, or I’m very upfront about it. I need people to know what they’re getting themselves into and not expect me to be something I’m not. Those that push through that initial repulsion (dunno what that’s about) usually find that I’m really intelligent and interesting to talk to with a good sense of humour.
I put it in my dating profile, just to avoid the extremely awkward conversations and ghosts or rejections when I tell them. There's no need to not be upfront on a dating profile, to an extent. I find more success actually having good dates being straightforward.
I do. It's fairly obvious from the get-go, and adds context to why I behave oddly. Admittedly, I'm not really into romance, so I only use the apps for casual relationships/fwb.
Nope. I appear very high functioning so NO ONE believes me until they get to know me anyway. They’ll just think “she spends too much time on tiktok and is self diagnosed” if my autism is one of the first things they learn about me
Not in the profile, too many people don't understand the spectrum AT ALL and will assume all manner of things. Wait to address it early in the first meeting, if there is one, because in person is way better. I recommend this from experience, it helps.
Absolutely not. What I do is not say anything until I'm sure they are comfortable with me, and then once I have them attached enough to me I tell them. Its way easier to say "I have austism" to a person who has positive personal bias towards you. Is it a bit exploitive? Yeah, but when the world actively avoids you like the plague simply because you told them you have autism, I'll take what I can get
I'm not sure because I've never had to think about that because I only found out I'm autistic in the past couple weeks, and I'm in a long-term relationship. I got into my current relationship not even knowing I was autistic nor my partner, but it was always there.
Personally, thinking about this, I don't think I would tell someone to start with, because I don't want them to have some preconceived notion about me based on information that may be incorrect. There are actually some really nice people out there, but they don't necessarily know what autism looks like in a given person. For me, I think I would talk to them as normal, and if over time we liked each other and showed some progression in our potential relationship, I would then tell them - and not because I was TRYING to hide it, but that I didn't want them COMING INTO this thinking of me in a potentially incorrect lighting due to some incorrect assumptions which would then impact our relationship. A lot of people do this passively without even realising and I would want to prevent that, as well as dispel any preconceived notions. I wouldn't want them treating me differently off the bat on an incorrect idea of autism, which is so common, and thus by spending time and getting to know me without being aware of the diagnosis, once I drop the information, if they're a good person then it shouldn't change how they see me too drastically and they shouldn't treat me any differently than they have already, having gotten to know me individually. Not in the sense of wanting to be treated as a neurotypical, but in the sense of not wanting to be infantilised or something else along those lines. It could also help weed out people who prey on autistic people. Those are my two cents anyway
I wouldn't. My psychologist has noticed I have autistic traits, however, I am a woman it's harder to diagnose women. That being said the rate of sexual abuse is higher with people with autism. Also where I am from diagnosed people get government assistance. They might get taken advantage of financially. I've been taken advantage financially even though I am not diagnosed yet. My brother has autism and is non-verbal he has had violent behaviours which creates more stigma. It would not be wise.
I dont tend to tell people I'm autistic right away. Because they don't expect it. I'm certainly not "typical" and can appear very normal, albeit a little shy or socially uninterested.
If I have to explain away anything that I can't hide or control, I tend to say it's my OCD (for ocd tendencies) and I have social anxiety (which is true) people tend not to question those things. Anything else "unusual" is shrugged off as a little weird but okay whatever.
As soon as you say autism, I feel like people assume all sorts of things, wonder about sensitivities, treat you different and pick out all the typical traits. I could be paranoid tho lol, but I don't like the idea of people judging me based off that knowledge rather than just getting to know me.
I did that while I was still dating. It really helped me find an understanding partner. That was a necessity for me. I personally thought it was important to mention I'm autistic right away to avoid misunderstandings and expectations.
I think it's important to consider how passable you are. Many people don't realize I'm autistic until I tell them, and then they put things together. Especially because many people don't actually know much of anything about autism, especially what it actually looks like in reality. I never told any of my dates or interests until we were starting to get serious. At that point, I think one should certainly disclose autism and what it means specifically for the individual in question.
Depends on how important it is to you. If I'm dating a guy who I already know is nerdy or a scientific in nature I know the chances there already. I'm just not sure it's something that needs to be said.
If you want . I think it’s ok either way. I think it’s not necessary but if you want to put it - go for it. It shouldn’t make any difference. I find more people will mention if you do & they are too or are curious so it’s up to you if you want people to mention.
After trying I realised I prefer to focus on the things you want to talk about or are important like interests otherwise it’s easy to feel analysed for something that doesn’t really define me. It’s not like it’s your soul, or personality, it’s just a part of explaining how you operate.
If it helps you then mention it but i think I prefer talking about other things. Try it - you can always delete that bit later. That’s what I did - I realised it shouldn’t matter for me & doesn’t to most people.
Yes. However, unrelated.
Someone I jokingly told I'd date(because they randomly asked for a girlfriend in a chat) told me autism is a red flag in a woman.
Because he didn't want to "have to fix them".
Plus it may reduce the stigmatization AND you don’t want anyone who doesn’t have interest in the full spectrum of who you are. My hesitation is that it may also attract the wrong person who would take advantage of an Autistic individual or merely they want to meet someone diagnosed with Autism for the experience rather than actual serious interest. I suppose if I saw that in a dating profile I would want to know why you chose to include it before meeting you.
Yes my same thoughts.
As a dude I wouldn’t recommend putting it on a guys profile because we already have a hard enough time getting a match the statistics are not at all in guys favor it’s a number thing and ANYTHING is enough to turn off chicks from your profile so it’s important to wait for the appropriate time to talk about it if your a dude and actually want to get a match with online dating. That’s my two cents as lower class medium attractive 34male in America. I think as a female it’s probably a lot more of a you just do you situation because I don’t think it will get in the way of finding matches in that same way as it does for guys. I agree it’s a good idea to state it on your profile if your female to weed out the losers who wouldn’t want to date one of us lol since you’ll get match’s either way why not weed out those people. If your a dude who gets a ton of match’s I would state it if your looking for a wife but I’d leave it off of there if your just looking for hookups because it’s not an important factor in a hookup like it is with marrying someone.
Not saying that you are wrong or anything but just offering my opinion. Which one is more important, the quantity or quality of matches? As in, is it really good thing to have more matches if each one of those will not result to anything as they were not really match? As opposed to being honest in your profile you might get fewer matches, but those who then match are more likely to be sharing similar qualities. There are ND women out there as well who are looking for ND guys, and you might just not reach them if you are masking. Of course, as you said, it is also dependant on what one is looking for, relationship or just hook ups.
I actually had it written on my profiles for some time but took it off after getting no matches after ages. I wouldn’t actually recommend using the apps at all though if your not getting into that top ten percent algorithm where your actually getting matches because it’s a million times more successful to just approach women in public in my experience. However I don’t actually see a lot of women in my day to day life with being sober and working from home so I still painfully use the apps on occasion but much prefer approaching in public because god those apps are bad for your mental health if your not getting matches. Hell even if you are getting matches it is not healthy to base compatibility off of such superficial things on the apps you know haha they are getting better to include more important features like kids and religion views etc.
Yeah, you got a fair point there. I have to admit I don't have much experience about the apps as I am terribly afraid of rejection and have thought that maybe they are not a good idea. But that also is guiding my thinking that maybe few matches is still better than only bad matches. I do also have an issue with meeting people as my hobbies are mostly solitary, don't really like meeting new people (yay social anxiety) and I struggle to express my self in person.
Hello lower class medium attractive 34male
I was more hoping you were a lower class medium attractive 34 year old female haha but hey that’s okay let’s party bro 😎 I’ll bring the beers! Unfortunately they are non alcoholic so I hope your weed is strong lmao.
Btw I would recommend not referring to women as "females" in your comment. It would be okay if you also said "males", but when you pair "females" with "guys" it gives weird incel vibes.
This reminded me of someone who asked me out and when we hung out, he wouldn’t stop asking me very detailed and personal questions about my ED (something I was upfront about with dates after my first ex, since even revealing I was in remission was his deal breaker). It was so weird and off putting. Made me feel like an alien being interrogated lol.
I'm engaged now with someone I met on Tinder, and I didn't put it in the app, because a lot of people don't understand what it is but would be willing to learn with the right person. What I did was on the first couple of dates, I would "give a heads up" on my symptoms without saying the word autism. Example: "You should probably know, I really struggle with reading facial expressions and emotions, so if I'm not picking up on something just let me know and I'll adjust". Or "Sometimes I get really overwhelmed and need to step away and get in a better place. You don't have to do anything, just give me a little time." Then if things were going well, by date 4 or 5 I'd tell them I was autistic. There was one person that was immediately turned off by it. That's cool, we ended things. But my fiancé responded with compassion and curiosity and also did a bunch of research on his own, and it was part of how I knew he's the one.
I’ll never forget when I first started pursuing the late diagnosis.. I told my husband “….I think i might be autistic” and he says “yeah…I know.” Hahaha. Nothing changed. He said he knew well before I realized but didn’t want to try and label me himself, since he isn’t a physiologist. We’re celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary this Saturday!! I made him a leather wallet (3rd year is leather!!)
Aw I love that! The ones we love sometimes can see us so much clearer than we can ❤️
It’s true!! I hope you guys have a lifelong and wonderful marriage!! It’s a lifelong adventure with your best friend!
Aw thank you so much!
Lovely story ! So cute making him a leather wallet 🩷
I wish I could show you! He loved it!!! I have enough trim to make matching leather bracelets too! Hehe
Awww 🥰 I love it you are so creative! And making stuff out of leather is an art
That’s what I do as well. The word “autism” is so misunderstood that talking about the symptoms first and seeing how the other person handles that is way easier than just expecting people to know the wide spectrum of autistic traits.
You don’t have to put it by any means, but personally I’d rather weed out the folks who see the word autism and wouldn’t match with me because of it. I wouldn’t want to be around them anyways lol. I didn’t meet my gf on a dating app but she knew I was autistic from the start. since it’s been such a huge part of our relationship navigating my audhd and her trauma and adhd, I’m glad she knew before we started dating. It allowed me to fully unmask at a time when I didn’t even know how to. It felt like I was starting fresh with someone who never knew me before and couldn’t say things like “I never noticed” or “but you were always like *this* in school.” Or whatever. You may attract other autistic and neurodivergent people as well, which is often great because you can understand one another better in theory. You could also just put that you’re neurodivergent in your profile. Some people might not know what it means and may ask questions or ignore it at first, but others will know what it means and may reach out to connect with someone like them!
Not on the profile, it's public. I'd tell the other person as soon as possible. Probably after the first impressions, since I'm high masking.
This approach worked well for my now husband.
Yeah I don't put anything in my dating profile that I wouldn't share at work, you never know who might see it.
My initial reaction also
No I sound never. If we click on the date I'd mention it probably but putting that info out there is really dangerous and opens you up to targeted manipulation. Just a word of general advice, especially to the younger folx- do not put your diagnosis, mental health issues, etc in your bios. Strangers do not need access to ways to hurt you. Especially as a minor this puts a target on you from creeps. When you're older and can see through the bs more easily you can share that information if you feel drawn to advocate and destigmatize, but when you are younger, a minor or even into early 20s, there's just not a lot of life experience to draw from for most people to be able to go "this person does not have my best interests in mind." And even then being older and more experienced, we're autistic, we want to trust people at face value and that makes it hard to navigate these things some times.
I just put ♾️🌈 and noone really questions it, plus i got a match with a great girl recently and she didnt question it either
lol I did the same thing
No way not a chance
I'm fine mentioning it early on, but I'm not putting a big "I am a vulnerable person" sticker on a dating profile...
I stay away from dating apps generally. Either I put that I'm autistic and get weird questions about it on top of like no matches, or I don't and people don't like me because I'm weird. It doesn't help that I'm trans too, which makes dating apps harder generally. But when I did try out dating apps, I put the fact that I have autism in my bio. It may make it harder to match with people, but at least no one will get a nasty surprise when I act autistic
Yes it’s hard. <3
Not into dating apps regardless merely because they feel exposing and fake all at the same time.
yes!!
autistic and trans here, ive noticed its a bit harder for us. the people i get i dont often match with cause we dont have anything in common, OR we match and they dont talk to me --i have learned on several occasions apparently that i am intimidating or seem "too cool"?? but i literally have no friends or social skills and it sucks because if i seem that cool, please talk to me!!!! i do a lot better in person but not so much with dating. i wish friends would set me up with people or something
I do have it in my profile. It is an important part of my identity. As important as my hobbies,work or education. It does influence every facet of my life and omitting is just dishonest. Does it have a lower chance for a match? Yeah, not really. I experimented with having and not having it and it does not change the amount of matches I get. Even if it did, I want somebody who accepts it, so quality over quantity of matches.
A person is much more than their diagnostic label so no I wouldn’t advise that. However, if you identify yourself with that label, then certainly it may help to know what that means for you in a relationship so that anyone interested, better understands why you feel it’s important to knowing and understanding relationships with autism present.
Yea I don’t like labeling that much either. I’m just “different” and I’m wondering how I should find a person who can accept that. I don’t like to say I’m different but I’m sure you get what I mean. For example nobody will ever can come in my flat it’s my safe space.
Okay if that is a nonnegotiable then you can sort of use humor and something known to mask your truth on your dating profile such as, “Dating me more than one date will introduce you to my personal rendition of Sheldon’s Terms & Conditions, which can be amended but serious interest only for those familiar with Big Bang Theory. No I am not Sheldon but his character is relatable regarding my unique personality.” In your own words but you get my drift.
I'm putting the keyword "zebra" in my profile. I don't know in the rest of the world, but in France, it means neuro diverse. I've seen a number of other profiles either with a zebra emoji or with pictures of mazes, decision trees, fractals, etc.
As a (French) autistic: I would take it literally and think the person identifies as a zebra hahah
Ah, well, that's the risk :) Although technically, I write "zébré", so... I guess that would mean something about the color of my skin or hair? Since I'm graying, that could still be interpreted as something literally true :)
I don’t usually use them but yes. Cause before I attracted a lot of normies who when learnt that I am what they percieve as weird ghosted the fuck out of me. Since it was on my profile I attracted almost only NDs. I prefer that
Nope.
I am staying clear from dating apps, but when I do return, I'm thinking about putting it in my profile and also writing there that I am interested in meeting other autistic people too. My dating life has always been a mess and very bad, I guess it could change for the better if I met ND people instead of NT.
No
Dating profile? I would not have even considered entering into this brave new world of self commodification. Probably going to tweak some noses with this, but I find that whole thing deeply depressing.
Almost everything is depressing on this planet so it doesn’t make a lot of a difference for me if I use an app or not. But I understand what you mean.
I completely agree.
Nope. It’s gonna be used against you one way or another. Either to be abused or to be used as an excuse.
I don't really do dating apps but I'm always upfront with any potential partners that I'm autistic because it's something I struggle with daily. In the past I would hide it and it only turned out terribly for me as I would end up mistreated or dumped by people who didn't really get why I am the way I am. I want someone to know and have that expectation before I dive into any casual or long-term relationship.
I don't and I wouldn't. There's alot of misunderstanding and misconceptions about autism, you're more likely than not to scare away people who simply don't even know what it actually is, and not people who have an actual problem with autism. Just act yourself, they'll see you're weird, they don't have to actually know why you're weird, they just have to like how weird you are, and eventually if you start actually dating it'll come up. Also, it's just not really great to add too personal things in your bio, be casual about it.
Absolutely not. Might as well put “I’m easy to take advantage of!”
So far I (male btw) haven't. Maybe I should try, can't get less than no likes after all. Maybe some more will take pity on me then. Would be interesting to see the results for women though, would people be more hesitant or weirder when texting? Would they try to exploit it somehow as a weakness? Damn now I'm kinda invested in finding out as well
Yeah I wouldn’t use an app.
Same
I personally have. It's a risk and it turns a lot of people off, but anyone that matches is immediately aware and generally more open to it, leading to less disappointment and awkward conversations. It has pros and cons, I generally lean towards it having more pros.
I just say it once I match and we seem like we’re vibing
I put that since I'm autistic it's difficult for me to go to bars/concerts/sporting events because of my sensory issues. It acts as a filter for people who's lifestyle's might not be compatible with mine.
When I was on dating apps (and plan on trying again soon-ish) I put it in my profile. I just want people to know ahead of time so I don't waste my time on people who learn about my diagnosis and dip lol
The only dating app I’m on is essentially a dating app for autistic people, so it doesn’t really matter on there. As for other apps, I’m honestly kinda afraid of talking about it in a way that encourages direct 1+1 interaction, so probably not. I won’t say absolutely not, if I feel comfortable on the app and have good experiences I may, but I think I’d probably stick to telling matches I end up clicking with that I’m autistic rather than putting it on my profile.
That's what I did, if I was gonna be with someone it was gonna be with someone who wouldn't have a single issue with it. Weed out the abelists! Thankfully I have a wonderful partner I met by chance so I obviously don't need those apps anymore, selection wasn't great to be honest.
Nope. Everyone has a generalisation in their mind about autism, even many autistic people. I prefer to be myself and perhaps drop at some point ”oh btw I’m autistic” I’m in a relationship with a person I met in Tinder. She is autistic too. There were *lots* of hints in the bio which made me think she might be.
I’ve been very torn about this. On the one had, I am disabled and very “weird” so I would love to try to weed out anyone who isn’t prepared for that weirdness and such to show through. On the other hand, there are so many vile people out there looking for other folks to take advantage of and manipulate for their own gratification- and announcing someone is autistic is like turning on a light with a cluster of moths for these abusers, and having ended up with one already I am hyper vigilant about not letting that happen again. Conundrum
Of course I would, and I have. If they don’t want to date me due to their misconceptions and biases, that’s their loss. And honestly, it attracts more ND folks like me, and it’s way better to date other autistic people IME.
Absolutely. If you match with someone who has something against autism, you're setting yourself up to fail. Not to mention, a lot of the time we pair better with other autistic people, so if I wasn't already married I might actually go out of my way to try and find women with autism in their profiles.
I always do. I only date other autistic people so others putting it on their profiles too saves time.
Yup! I don’t wanna deal with abelist folks
Yes, 100%. I'd put it in my profile to kinda filter out the nasties so I know who is worth pursuing or not. Plus I'd hopefully be able to draw in some other autistic people, which would make it easier for me.
I don’t because I feel like a lot of people have misconceptions. I would rather meet them and gradually show them what it is like for me:)
I really have to because it's extremely disabling for me and I need significant support from both my loved ones and the state. not everyone can handle being with someone like me and that's perfectly fine, but I'm not gonna waste both of our time.
i put a list of things im looking for in one of the prompts on hinge and for the last thing i say i’m looking for i say (neurodivergent) in parentheses
This is a difficult question for me to answer because I've never used a dating app and I'll never need to because I'm getting married soon. And I think dating apps are awful, terrible things. But considering I tell everyone and anyone that I'm autistic from literally the first time I meet them, which is I guess a similar to vein to what you're asking, I suppose hypothetically the answer would be yes. My autism is not a secret to anyone
yes. I want to know the person im putting time and energy into accepts that part of me. It helps me feel more comfortable being myself if a women responds positively.
I (29F) put on my profile that I'm neurodivergent. Usually men ask me questions and more details about it. When they don't ask I tend to not talk to them anymore haha Edit: forgot to mention that as a result, I'm meeting with neurodivergent folks too :) I feel way more accepted now than before when I was hiding it. If it has to be a deal-breaker, I'm glad that it is early on
Yeah fuck those people who are ignorant asses. Mainly to prevent masking bc I absolutely hate it
now i am out bc i miss so much someone but some years ago i decided to do so and zero match i dis it on purpose i am not really handsome but sone human females matched but since i dewd i am adhd qith autistic traits nothing…. the average world is so mean 😢
No, I don’t need another mark against me. This is like my height. No one actually cares, but they’ll definitely swipe no over it if I put it out there. (I put my height on my profile for a while so people wouldn’t be surprised I’m that much taller than them, and my match rate plummeted)
If you're a woman sure, but if you're a man it's a GUARANTEED way to get rejected/ignored. Then again I'm a little salty after a third failed attempt at online dating.
Why would I do that? That’s basically telling every possible date to stay the hell away from me.
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Yes.
yeah y not
i always was the kind of person feeling like, if they like me for who i am, then it's good
i did! still get likes. i’d also prefer to date another neurodivergent person so it’s good for weeding it out
If I used such things, sure. Sets a proper expectation upfront.
Seeing as I didn't realise until my fiance laid it out and then a whole bunch of friends backed her up, I'd probably say just keep it to yourself until you're at a point where you can have an open and honest conversation about it. Lots of people are on the spectrum and go about their lives happily ignorant of the fact.
Hi I'm autistic and I have autism autistically, most days in an autistic manner... Kidding, but because it never does any good to hide who you are and have them react negatively to it later. When you've gotten your hopes up. Some people can have negative visceral reactions to finding out, like being trans. So I like to be up front, so that if they're an ableist, we have nothing further to say up front. Also let's you weed out the ones who fetishize it.
Yes that the dilemma I like to be open but also it can attract the wrong people if they know before.
Went on a few dates here and there without the mention of my autism on my profile (I'm normally pretty secretive about it) but after getting rejected so many times, I assumed I was making the other person feel awkward and they weren't ready for the neurodivergent shitstorm. So now I mention it just to make sure others are aware of what they may be getting into
I never did, no. I wasn't comfortable with publicly outing myself and felt it would limit my options. I would tell a partner some time after it had become serious. Telling someone after you've gotten to know them a little gives them an opportunity to understand you better. Putting it right in the profile tells them "this person has baggage." No one is already invested just from reading a profile. IMO, give them an opportunity to become invested first.
Yes. It has a big impact on my life, and if someone would reject me due to simply knowing I have it, without even knowing how it affects me, I would not want to date that person in the first place. It would help weed out potential mismatches in my opinion!
I don't, but I am very confident that anyone with an autism-dar would detect it.
I do! I mainly put it there because I'm a sub, and if I go non-verbal or have some type of shutdown, my Dom would need to know how to handle that. I also do it to weed out more people. Being a trans gay man weeds out a good bit. Being exclusively BDSM weeds out so many. And being autistic (with other mental health problems) weeds out even more.
Yes because - huge generalisation here - I tend to alarm and confuse people who are very NT, and there is a disconnect in needs, wants, personality, communication, thoughts, norms etc. They do not understand me and that's not fun for either of us. I only have some understanding of them due to being forced to consider/puzzle over NT thoughts my whole life. I need people who are very NT to deselect themselves for a relationship of that nature.
No. I disclose that kind of information on a need to know basis. My sex partners do not need that information.
I haven’t
Possibly
Yes, IF I were still dating (married now) it is with the intent to find a marriage partner. People who cannot handle me being autistic need not apply.
Yep. If that's a deal breaker, then that's ok
Yup I wanna clear that shit up immediately lol
I would put it on there, I think the other person has every right to know what they’re getting into.
I do. It’s a big part of me, and there’s no use in hiding it. It would feel like lying. False idea of me. Plus, it’s de-stigmatizing to talk about it
AuDHD is what I often see, it works out well and it’s easily handwaved if it gets asked about so it’s as big of a deal as it needs to be.
I do cause I feel it would be dishonest not to
Absolutely not. I've already had many people take advantage of my autism including being groomed by a paedophile when I was 18-19. It's not like it's really important. There's stigma around autistics who like or want sex and plus I'm aromantic and not looking for a non romantic partnership either. Been looking for friends with benefits mostly. I am only attracted to people older than 30.
Sorry you experienced this. Hope you recovered! What is this stigma? I never heard of it
Nope. Too many people who are dating websites are scammers and fetish seekers. People with autism are seen as easy marks for the first. Even if you are not you would have to filter them out. While not trying to shame people with fetishes…sorry it’s just creepy in this case. Another consideration is discrimination, such as employment discrimination, now or in the future. Most public facing pages on the internet are archived and accessible to competent coders. It’s pretty common practice for potential employees to be subject to a search by potential employers. About 1/2 the time it’s done by someone who knows how to find this archived information. Laws vary by location but the federal law in the US only prohibits asking about a disability-based protected statuses. If it’s disclosed or publicly available it’s not discrimination to make a hiring decision based on it. Some states are more restrictive and other countries vary quite a bit. Since about 70% of company HR professionals (anonymously) admit that those hiring access surveys on diversity, and it factors into hiring decisions, anything you can do to protect yourself is good. If you are considering it for complete transparency purposes then I would suggest early in the messaging part of the interaction letting them know.
It does need to be mentioned if things get serious before you start planning a life together.
i didnt, and i still managed to find someone else who was nd on there and started a relationship. you just have to be picky
At this point, undoubtedly.
Fuck No. I have a billion problems and I don’t wanna add “increased risk of getting cyberbullied on dating apps” to that longass list.
I’d just tell them in person rather than have it be on my profile. That’s what I did with someone I started talking to at the end of last year for our first date but I also talked about it casually when bringing up my first tattoo plan.
waiting for an autistic dating/friends app tbh
Yes. I did. And I met a wonderful, little Korean-American who's a bigger Weeb and nerd than I am. We're not sure if he's on the spectrum or not, but it clearly doesn't bother him that I stated so immediately. Being honest about the aspects of who you are is crucial, in my opinion. :)
Na fuck that, don’t put it. Let someone get to know the real you and if it’s going in the right direction casually bring it up while drinking.
Nope because abusive/toxic people will in purpose for their entertainment Target you out to f-ck with your mental health and inner peace because they are either: • Get thief jollies from abusing people who are people pleasers/codependent types • Want to find someone who they can breakdown and mold into a person to later discard or hurt • Will have an easier time with persuasion and guilt tripping You wait to vet anyone you date first and find out without telling them, their views on ADHD/ASD/AuDHD because you do not know what someone’s intentions are till you get to know them. So you need to be sure you’re not getting stuck with a toxic person who can give you trauma who will on purpose wield your diagnosis against you.
Personally I would not but would make coded references to it that other ND might notice. Simply because you might be more vulnerable to anyone who doesn't have the best intentions. I would probably think about disclosing it to anyone I was talking to seriously if I felt I could trust them.
It's never a good idea most of the time, because you're far more likely to be discriminated against. And the same goes for job interviews and writing resumes, you don't announce it, because most people don't see the spectrum, they just think about that one person in their family who is low functioning or that one person at work who is always taking about themselves and being obnoxious and then they picture that and reject you. The same goes for men who are bisexual, many women automatically assume that they are either confused or slutty when in reality, it's often not the case. It's easier to educate people when you're already part of their life than when you're a complete stranger that they don't yet trust. I have had many people disagree with me over this and telling me I am dishonest but out of all the secrets people keep, this is the most necessary and least harmful. I mean if you have STDs and you tell them you're clean, then yeah it's bad, but if you're wired a specific way they don't need to know it, since it won't hurt them or put them in any danger. That's the most logical way to see it.
I personally put "I'm not NeuroTypical, make of it what you will".
I definitely do not and would not.
I don’t think I had it on mine, but I did put something along the lines of “must be understanding of mental health” after a really bad experience with a guy who got mad at me for knowing I was autistic and not trying to “fix” it (being too literal, etc). I ended up finding the perfect partner, but that ofc has a lot to do with being patient and weeding out a ton of people. It takes a long time but was absolutely worth it. I will also say that I am pretty good at picking up signs of manipulation and things like that after being raised by a narcissist, so it kinda like a survival instinct for me now. But that’s not true for a lot of autistic people, so my advice is to be veryyyy careful. I think if you find the right person they won’t be upset if they found out you waited a month to tell them you’re autistic or something like that.
I would put that I am disabled, and if they asked further then I would clarify my disabilities
A few years ago, no. My ex bullied me a bit over it, I don't think he viewed it as bullying, and at the time, neither did I, but I ended up being self-conscious about it anyway, haha. These days, I feel like there's more accepting people, and as someone who masks pretty decently I don't want to deal with someone who is going to turn around when I finally tell them and be like 'well you don't act/look/seem autistic'. May attract a few weirdos who fetishise it, but I imagine I could weed them out myself. I'd be able to at least know whoever is messaging me is probably understanding or at least open-minded.
100% - if I wanted to date!
Yes. If she can’t pounce on me and show me your affection because you think I’m less than human for having autism, don’t worry I already rejected her.
Nope. There is just too much stigma against autism.
I don't think so. It's something id reveal after a short interaction probably. I'm not in the market for a relationship so I haven't thought about it much.
I'm not diagnosed, but I'm 30...at this point it's obvious I'm not able to keep up with my NT peers in life. It's like Im stuck at 23 mentally or idk maybe Im too naive to just accept being a boring adult and just work non-stop. So Idk I don't relate to people my age anymore. If I did have a diagnosis I would include it so I could weed out anyone that has unrealistic expectations about what being qith me would be like.
Yes, because you won’t waist your and no ones time. When you’re upfront you have more chances of finding someone that is just right for you.
No. It could result in people taking advantage of you. I would save it until you’ve actually met the people in person and gotten a feel for them a little.
100% because I don't waste anyone to be surprised when I have high maintenance needs
I put it in, weeds out all the jerks who have an issue with autistic people. Screw those people, not worth your time.
No because then you will definitely be either targeted for harassment or by someone with a fetish.
Yes, I did. After my wife left me when I got my diagnosis, I had no intention of wasting anymore of my time with awful dickheads who have an issue with autistic people.
After a 2n ord 3r date I think is the best moment to tell that person you've been seeing.
Yeah probably
yes, also put that i am part of a system + polyamorous, dont want to waste time with people that would not want to understand + help finding other neurospicy folks in dating apps
I certainly do. Not only will it weed out the hateful people, but it will also let people know a little bit more about me that they desperately need to. I’m someone that a lot of people would call “quirky“. And it’s very obvious about my character when I am interacting with someone in person. So I think it’s very important that they know this about me.
I put I'm neurodiverse.
No don't because the world is stupid and biased. Put that what you are. Intelligent, focused, empathic ,highly sensitive etc. autism is a gift but the packaging needs to be better. Labels are for medical not personal.
No. Without putting too much misanthropic spin on it, like 60% of people are going to look at that and go "What is that? I dunno, sounds lame. Skip." They're not bad people. They're just ignorant and trying to skim through profiles as fast as possible. I sincerely think it's a better idea to write about your personality and interests in honest ways that will be relatable and understandable to everyone. People in the know can probably figure out if you're in the club just based on things like "loves trains, picky eater, ask me about early modern hygiene practices" etc lol.
I have it on mine (43M). The way I see it is, I'd never get matches before anyway (I only added it last year or so), so it's not putting anyone off that wasn't already. And since it does impact how I interact with people, it needs to be something the other person should be aware of. Also, if there's even a right woman out there for me (which at this point, I very highly doubt), she'd need to be understanding enough where it's not a big deal -- anyone not liking me because it's on my profile isn't that person.
Yep if they don’t like me we were never meant to be.
Nooooo. If someone is defined by their labels it's a turn off for me. Might as well put OCD, BPD etc lol
Not open about it so I don't not sure if I'll be open about it
Yeah I put audhd. Id prefer dating other neurodivergents anyway.
This might be a hot take, but you can usually tell who is neurodivergent from their dating profiles. You don’t need to state that you’re autistic, unless you’re specifically/only looking for other autistic people or something. Everyone I’ve talked to on dating apps have clocked that I’m queer and ~mentally quirky~ just based on my profile
Fuck no. They'll figure it out eventually if I decide to stick around.
No but I would let them know privately
I would because I want to weed out all the time wasters. If I were in the dating scene, which I’m not, so I feel fine saying whatever I please.
i tell people irl as soon as i meet them so they know that my behaviors and rituals are a result of me being autistic and that i’m not purposefully being ruminant or obsessive to skeeve them out. online and with dating apps i put it in my bio to rule out people who would be turned off by that. certainly not a requirement but it’s helped me
Probably not, only bc mine is mild and I can mask it pretty easily. I’d wait till the 3rd date or so to mention it. I do think it’s important to mention it fairly early on, though
No. I think it’s a 2nd or 3rd date conversation
My gut tells me not to, but when I tried saying I was neurodivergent (I didn’t say autistic upfront, but I’d specify if people asked) I got notably better results, including meeting my current partner. But that was also on a different app and after several years, so of course the change might not all be down to that.
My dating profiles have definitely said “autistic baddie” at multiple points in my life haha.
Hell no
Might as well, can’t get any matches because of my looks anyway.
I put I love rocks in bold letters read between the lines lol
I would, just because I would want people to know what they’re signing up for.
No. I've been taken advantage of far too much. I'm pretty sure if they're worth it, they'd pick up on it eventually or question if I am on the spectrum or not. But no, I'm not advertising. Edit to add: slipped my mind, but I just went to change my avatar on my profile to find I had openly advertised to the entire Reddit community and then some. 😂 fail of the day
I don't because I'm not diagnosed but I mention that I think I'm autistic before the first date if possible, and if not then definitely on the first date. My sensory processing issues (diagnosed) get mentioned before meeting IRL 100% of the time. I've never not gotten a second date because of it, because I only go out with people who I feel are accepting of non-NTs (I seem to have a good radar for finding people with ADHD).
I would but I get why people, especially women, wouldn't.
I think people should put it if they want to. It might help them find an understanding, empathetic partner.
I'm not sure. I kind of wonder if it would attract abusive people who think we're easy to manipulate. Take my words with a grain of salt, because I tend to be paranoid and cynical.
I do, or I’m very upfront about it. I need people to know what they’re getting themselves into and not expect me to be something I’m not. Those that push through that initial repulsion (dunno what that’s about) usually find that I’m really intelligent and interesting to talk to with a good sense of humour.
I put it in my dating profile, just to avoid the extremely awkward conversations and ghosts or rejections when I tell them. There's no need to not be upfront on a dating profile, to an extent. I find more success actually having good dates being straightforward.
I do. It's fairly obvious from the get-go, and adds context to why I behave oddly. Admittedly, I'm not really into romance, so I only use the apps for casual relationships/fwb.
No. I’m bad enough at telling when people are taking advantage of me. They don’t need any help finding me.
I did. I wanted to weed out the ableists beforehand. I met my husband that way.
I would prefer Aspergers term, but yeah
If I was on dating apps I would just put it in to wed out all the people I wouldn't want to date anyways
Nope. I appear very high functioning so NO ONE believes me until they get to know me anyway. They’ll just think “she spends too much time on tiktok and is self diagnosed” if my autism is one of the first things they learn about me
No. But idk, somehow the people I vibe with and that vibe with me are almost always * SOMEWHERE * on the spectrum lmao. It kinda filters itself out.
My partner and I date together and we both have it in ours. We tell people we’re AuDHD and ask that they communicate clearly 😂
Not in the profile, too many people don't understand the spectrum AT ALL and will assume all manner of things. Wait to address it early in the first meeting, if there is one, because in person is way better. I recommend this from experience, it helps.
My friend did and ended up with a lovely partner who is also neurodivergent :)
I’ve written: ‘’Squirrels often steal my attention and my communication style is often considered by the norm to be too literal and direct, iykyk 🐿️’’
No one should do this. It will attract predatory people.
Yes. Why lie about it?
As I was struggling with nts and was much more happy with nds I totally would.
Absolutely not. What I do is not say anything until I'm sure they are comfortable with me, and then once I have them attached enough to me I tell them. Its way easier to say "I have austism" to a person who has positive personal bias towards you. Is it a bit exploitive? Yeah, but when the world actively avoids you like the plague simply because you told them you have autism, I'll take what I can get
I'm not sure because I've never had to think about that because I only found out I'm autistic in the past couple weeks, and I'm in a long-term relationship. I got into my current relationship not even knowing I was autistic nor my partner, but it was always there. Personally, thinking about this, I don't think I would tell someone to start with, because I don't want them to have some preconceived notion about me based on information that may be incorrect. There are actually some really nice people out there, but they don't necessarily know what autism looks like in a given person. For me, I think I would talk to them as normal, and if over time we liked each other and showed some progression in our potential relationship, I would then tell them - and not because I was TRYING to hide it, but that I didn't want them COMING INTO this thinking of me in a potentially incorrect lighting due to some incorrect assumptions which would then impact our relationship. A lot of people do this passively without even realising and I would want to prevent that, as well as dispel any preconceived notions. I wouldn't want them treating me differently off the bat on an incorrect idea of autism, which is so common, and thus by spending time and getting to know me without being aware of the diagnosis, once I drop the information, if they're a good person then it shouldn't change how they see me too drastically and they shouldn't treat me any differently than they have already, having gotten to know me individually. Not in the sense of wanting to be treated as a neurotypical, but in the sense of not wanting to be infantilised or something else along those lines. It could also help weed out people who prey on autistic people. Those are my two cents anyway
I wouldn't. My psychologist has noticed I have autistic traits, however, I am a woman it's harder to diagnose women. That being said the rate of sexual abuse is higher with people with autism. Also where I am from diagnosed people get government assistance. They might get taken advantage of financially. I've been taken advantage financially even though I am not diagnosed yet. My brother has autism and is non-verbal he has had violent behaviours which creates more stigma. It would not be wise.
I dont tend to tell people I'm autistic right away. Because they don't expect it. I'm certainly not "typical" and can appear very normal, albeit a little shy or socially uninterested. If I have to explain away anything that I can't hide or control, I tend to say it's my OCD (for ocd tendencies) and I have social anxiety (which is true) people tend not to question those things. Anything else "unusual" is shrugged off as a little weird but okay whatever. As soon as you say autism, I feel like people assume all sorts of things, wonder about sensitivities, treat you different and pick out all the typical traits. I could be paranoid tho lol, but I don't like the idea of people judging me based off that knowledge rather than just getting to know me.
Hell no. That’s just asking for problems.
I would. If someone had that in their profile I would probably give them a chance because we would understand each other
No my autism isn’t a huge part of me But it will be harder to find a restaurant
probably not but i wouldn't hide it either. if something came up that involved it i'd be fine talking about it.
I did that while I was still dating. It really helped me find an understanding partner. That was a necessity for me. I personally thought it was important to mention I'm autistic right away to avoid misunderstandings and expectations.
I think it's important to consider how passable you are. Many people don't realize I'm autistic until I tell them, and then they put things together. Especially because many people don't actually know much of anything about autism, especially what it actually looks like in reality. I never told any of my dates or interests until we were starting to get serious. At that point, I think one should certainly disclose autism and what it means specifically for the individual in question.
If you are a man your dating pool will sharply diminish, especially depending on how you say it.
Depends on how important it is to you. If I'm dating a guy who I already know is nerdy or a scientific in nature I know the chances there already. I'm just not sure it's something that needs to be said.
If you want . I think it’s ok either way. I think it’s not necessary but if you want to put it - go for it. It shouldn’t make any difference. I find more people will mention if you do & they are too or are curious so it’s up to you if you want people to mention. After trying I realised I prefer to focus on the things you want to talk about or are important like interests otherwise it’s easy to feel analysed for something that doesn’t really define me. It’s not like it’s your soul, or personality, it’s just a part of explaining how you operate. If it helps you then mention it but i think I prefer talking about other things. Try it - you can always delete that bit later. That’s what I did - I realised it shouldn’t matter for me & doesn’t to most people.
It's on my profile. Not sure it matter because hardly anyone reads bios anyway. If people are scared off by it, that's fine.
Yes. However, unrelated. Someone I jokingly told I'd date(because they randomly asked for a girlfriend in a chat) told me autism is a red flag in a woman. Because he didn't want to "have to fix them".