Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights.
* All advice given must be good, ethical advice.
* [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules)
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My flirting can either be a playful tease that might come off as not interested or it can be too cutsy and lovey dovey to where i seem needy and truly cannot tell which one will happen and which one is worse š
Nah donāt let a couple bad experiences steal your sweetness. Donāt allow a few negative people to squash positivity. The world needs optimists. Being optimistic is not your problem; your problem is doubting yourself. Stay true to your positive self and youāll find your upbeat, bubbly match someday.
Absolutely wild to be honest. Iād say probably 70% of my conversations end without going anywhere because itās like pulling teeth with some of these men! I know I talk a lot, and on occasionally I will apologize in advance before sending a multi minute voice memo :) but I am just so excited to tell someone about something or just merely banter back and forth. I do also (on occasion) remind myself to let the other person talk a bit. A good conversation weighs way more to me than a lot of other factors.
And beingā¦ too optimistic. That again, is wild. Stay positive, because the alternative probably sucks and no one likes a negative Nancy. You sound like youād be my type of guy, and the type of guy a lot of my friends look for too. Donāt let some Debbie downer tell you otherwise! Us chatty cathys have to stick together!
And yes, I committed to the theme intentionally.
Gosh if I could find a woman who loves to talk AND is emotionally available... Clearly not on the apps. I either get one or the either and I'm fluent in yappanese, because I yap a lot.
Here's a tip...
A lot of people like the sound of their own voice, women included.
I can talk too much when I'm around others if I'm not careful.
The best thing you can do with others is to ask engaging OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS like, "What is your favorite hobby, tell me about it?"
As opposed to CLOSED ENDED QUESTIONS like, "Do you have any hobbies?" A yes or no answer is all that is required.
If you make a conscious effort to let the other peeson talk 60% of the time, they will think you're a great conversationaliat.
This is very good advice. I make a point when someone brings an issue or something to me to ask if they want a solution (or my best advice/problem solving), just to vent, or a distraction. I find that works well for me and leads to less interrupting and invalidating on my part. The adhd meds help as well ;) work in progress you know!
Yeah man, sounds like we're similar people. I have the same look on life, love talking and am positive in life mostly. If there's something in my life I don't like, I fix it. And some things will just suck and that's part of life, I will never enjoy cleaning the toilet but it's part of life. Can't make cleaning the toilet ruin my whole day (which some people seem to do).
There's hope, I ran into a girl with a similar outlook on life. She's more quiet though which is good because she loves hearing me ramble about everything and anything that comes to mind. And when she has a story to tell, I let her and it works out great! You'll find someone awesome for sure.
Man! Even the same age as me! I had the same thoughts after my last breakup. At the end I just wanted to date casually and was not really looking for something serious, just wanted to meet people and see what's out there when I struck gold. Didn't plan for it (actually going on a big trip in a few weeks which I wanted to be single for because hell it's fun to do shit with girls in foreign countries), but here we are. Met the girl where it just works, I want her, she wants me. Open communication and attraction from both sides. She's out there, you'll run into her when it might not be convenient but make sure your heart is open!
im the same way with talking. i use to work in tv news as a producer writing shows, as well as a reporter so its def a bad habit. whats worse is i project when i talk because of it
Idk if itās the chase, but I do know that I once dated a guy who I liked a lot, but I had to call it quits because heād never ask about me or let me get a word in edgewise. We were on the phone for an hour once, and I realized Iād talked for maybe 5 minutes of the call (Iām not a quiet person either or anything). I donāt know you of course so that may not be the case at all here.
I get it, and my mind makes me think that too sometimes. I might just make sure youāre also asking lots of questions too! If I get too excited talking about something I try and gauge how long Iāve been talking and then make sure that the other person doesnāt feel steamrolled in the conversation. Iāve been on both sides of the equation, though. š
Nah, as an overly positive and girl that talks to much, there are women out there that want that exact personality. Donāt change and donāt think these are faults. Embrace them!
Indeed true. The right one will be amaze and accept you for whatever attitude you have. So do me a favor, dont settle for less, dont settle for someone who doesnt appreciates you.
I wish more guys were like you lol. All I get are duds who don't even know what they want in a partner or even life. It's exhausting trying to make conversations with these people. No passion for life, no interests, no desires. Its nice to know there are guys like that out there :)
I'm all of that but the talkative part, I'm generally a very quiet person. I'll openly talk about my entire life to the right person, like my lady for instance is the first person I have felt comfortable enough to just open up to, everyone prior to her, not so much. I think it's all about finding who you know you can vibe with. In other words, don't give up man and don't give up on yourself.. You Will find the right person for you and as crazy as it may sound, you won't even have to look for her. She'll just kinda fall into your lap... You'll both be a blessing for each other... Stay strong. š¤š¤
Life is already hard enough. Anyone would love to be surrounded by positive people, and don't let anyone try to change your perspective on life because we only live once
Man , I feel you on that. I definitely like to small talk. I want to get to know someone and it's so hard to know who. I am generally a nice person . I don't ask ladies of any age randomly to show me nudes and I'm not sending random D- pics. I will be honest I believe I'm missing out sometimes because the ladies are really wanting me to be a bad boy, and I'm just genuinely curious asking silly questions. I believe a lot of the ladies who have ghosted me want more sexually driven conversations and I am very good at those lol when I can trust the individual. That bond is hard to come by when half the time if not more your chatting with a middle aged dude from a foreign country š
You have to keep contributing to the degradation of society. If youre good looking enough, you don't have to put anything on your. Be an asshole to them! Women are effectively dogs nowadays. They will let anything fuck them that looks and sounds good to them.
Bold flirting can be a game-changer! Some people love the confidence, and others might need a minute to catch up. Just keep being yourself, those who vibe with it are the ones worth your time! š
Every once in a while I get a feeling of false confidence. That's "fuck it, just send that first message, a rejection isn't going to hurt".
Well, I'm wrong every single time.
āHey youāre hot. Let me buy you dinner?ā -Iām a 5ā2 young woman in her 20s. It throws guys off, but I usually get a yes :)
I also am usually very upfront about what I want (marriage, babies, to work) and am openly sharing my ideas about those topics (my 2nd biggest fear in life is infertility, I want to work while but am open to changing my mind when I have kids, I love the idea of an unmedicated home birth, etc.) When Iām talking to guys my age, they sometimes say itās a bit much, but when I go older (35-45) itās a āwoah, thatās thought outā
Home birth can be basically a death wish if any complications. Even minor complications could end the baby's life. Being at a hospital is nice because they have an entire emergency team on standby.
I had a home birth almost 40 years ago with a midwife.if you are with trained professional you'll probably be OK one way or another. if there are issues they are going to send you to the hospital
There may not be time to go to a hospital. Thatās the risk. And with something so important why would you not want to be near where the resources are?
Iām glad it worked out for you. All Iām saying is that you never know. A mile can still be too much time. Sometime you have seconds. And why would you introduce more risk into a risky situation?
Spoken like a true medical professional. Sure, go to the hospital where the temporal and financial incentive is for the doctor is to give you a cesarean section. So many benefits for the baby to have a vaginal birth. Look it up!
Ha! Lemme clarify - Iām not saying that to everybody or even IRL all that often (just twice?Āæ?) but when I was on the apps - the line worked and was a phenomenal way to make the first move after a matchš
The age thingās true tho, but the sample size is small. College-ish age thereās been about a few dozen people Iāve talked that deeply with (only like 4-5 agreed with me on enough to make it anywhere) and thereās only been 4 over the 30/40s category
Iām not just out here using that line saying the things all the time hahah cause yeah that would be absolute crap lol
What. Spain alone has like 40+ different accents and several dialects. Hearing someone from Colombia and Argentina talk to each other is like Scottish & Canadian English equivalent in terms of disparity in accent.
Itās not even just the accents and colloquialisms, there are also large variations in vocabulary depending on what Spanish-speaking country youāre in. I use several different words for āstrawā if Iām in a restaurant, it all depends on the origin of the person Iām communicating with. In Mexico itās āpopoteā but in Colombia itās āpitilloā. My central American friends say āpajĆaā and other friends say āpajitaā. Another frequent issue is that many common verbs are used in slang as āto fuckā but it all varies from country to country. To throw, ātirarā can be used some places and ācogerā (to pick up) in others.
For real. As a Venezuelan, asking for a straw in a Spanish speaking restaurant is the wild west of being seen as a weird guy or made fun of by people around you, considering that at least half of the names there are for straw translate colloquially to things like "blowjob" or "jacking off".
If it makes you feel any better when I was living in Colombia and learning Spanish I confidently asked for a āpitufoā at a restaurant, that was the year a new Smurfs movie come out and everyone roasted me for ages š
4Real. I speak Spanish so I can pick up the distinctions easily. Colombians are basically the USA of Spanish accents, clear and slow, donāt use overly complex sentences, to the point. Argentinian might as well be Italian for all it sounds like and the colloquialisms they use bare little resemblance to the rest of South America. Itās takes a while to get used to. Spain the accent changes for every two hours you drive. A large chunk of the country donāt speak Spanish as a first language (Galicia, Catalonia, Basque country) and even those that do are borderline incomprehensible (Andalusians) so it might as well be a different language.
I find Mexican Spanish, at least whatever Spanish accent is spoken in Mexico city to be very easy to understand as someone who knows some Spanish as a second language.
Spain is probably spoken in more countries than any other language and each one has a different accent. Even in Spain which isn't huge there are at least half a dozen incredibly distinct accents even in the places where Spanish is the primary language. Even in Andalucia Spanish is spoken very differently in coastal mountain villages than beach towns just a few miles below.
I mostly meant on the first posts how itās funny that you can be native to a language but sound like youāre from somewhere else. Never thought about that. I had an exchange student stay with us who was from Spain in high school and we talked about accents. Another woman who was Mexican said her Spanish was useless in Spain. But not āyouāre American and you sound Cuban.ā Thatās interesting to me.
I like it when women aggressively flirt, BUT there are 2 flavors of women. The first is stand up and they mean what they say. I like that very much. The second kind learned that men get intimidated and shy, when a woman is bold. They enjoy the intimidation, but they themselves get shy when you play the aggressive game too. I hate that. It's just a false flag.
I talk too much. Itās a nervous habit and a symptom of having hyper-activity disorder. It can go one way or the other it seems. I can mask most of the symptoms pretty well so most just seem to think iām just overly upbeat and chatty I guess. I did go on a date with a clinical psychiatrist recently though and she pinged me for adhd immediately lol.
A friend once told me that there are two kinds of girls:
1- āyouāre taking COCAINE????!!!!!! I donāt waste my time with hard drug users. Byeeeee ā¤ļøā¤ļø!!! ā
2- āIāll do all your blow, give it to me.ā
Haha yeah same here. I'm kinda seeing a coke head. I told him down to take some but I won't be asking for any. I'll take it as a fun drug but it's not a path I want to go down long term lol
According to every addict I've ever met. I've never met an addict that's actively using that didn't think that they were uniquely qualified to "handle their shit."
Judging by that tiger king show itās true for meth. I knew a medical professional whose brother used heroin. She asked of course you donāt share needles, right? His response was that if thereās heroin but not enough needles to go round, what do think I do?? Oh I guess no heroin today, too badā¦..
I'm flirty but I don't like to jump into a relationship right away; I like to have fun but I want to get to know someone first and foremost. A lot of people get a little antsy about it and I'm not really willing to go faster in my pace ://
Not quite sure. It often happens that on the first or 2nd date they already want to start a relationship but I say I need more time. They get upset saying I don't like them as much as they like me then, or am I looking into other guys? No, I just prefer to get to know someone before going into a relationship.
OK so you're attracting the needy type, I'm fascinated that all the "go with the flow", "let's see where this goes" type of guys aren't finding you.
Although, precaution the majority of the latter group of men are simply looking to hookup.
There are some !! Those are the guys it usually works out with.Ā It's a mixed bag, but the weirder situations stick out.Ā I'm also a minority in my country so I attract some fetishizers haha but I met a cool go-with-the-flow military guy recently so I'm hoping it goes well!!
I talk about stuff like finances and politics and other things people tend to be cagey about super early on. Like will answer āwhat did you do today?ā with a really detailed answer about updating my budget spreadsheet. People are either weirded out or respond by telling me in detail about theirs lol
Usually it's a miss, but I like to really know a potential partner and that they really know me. I want us to enjoy who we are and them see of it works. Like if she can be my friend and me hers that's perfection, because when we become more then we will truly enjoy each other, not only on romantic side of things.
Unfortunately for me, I suck at this. I never either succeed at evolving the friendship to romantic or I fall in love to women who don't see me ever like that. All my relationships were with very direct women, who wanted me without prior real relationship and they all failed because we weren't compatible on core values that weren't apparent on surface level.
Now because of where I live and my dead self esteem I struggle to even have women as friend even worse as partners.
You gotta hit up google! But anyway, itās a essentially people who only form romantic / sexual attraction to people they are close to. Thatās what I am. But I thought maybe you might be like this as well which could explain some things that are a little harder to articulate here.
I could form romantic feelings and attraction with my exes. But I may indeed have a demi sexual tendencies indeed.
Thanks for the info. I was at work when I asked, that is why I didn't googled sooner.
when i like someone im very transparent about how i feel, 9/10 men use that against me and use me for all that they can and 1 rare time iāll get into a fulfilling relationship :/ seems like i still havenāt learned and applied to my life that this doesnāt work
Humor. If the other person doesnāt have any or not accepting of yours then itās all a bust. Itās fine if itās doesnāt sync with them, but if they find it odd and not even bemused then itās pointless
I admire you for having a bold style. When I flirt, Iām very talkative & I make a lot of jokes. Some guys find it interesting and endearing and others get turned off because of I like witty banter
Doesn't really matter, most men don't realise you're doing it anyways š. Personally I'm not good with subtle hints. So I guess I would take the aggressive.
Aggressive flirting is never a "no" from me unless we're in the company of others whose company would make such flirting inappropriate, or unless the content of the flirting is just grossly inappropriate and ALSO not my kink
I don't like softball questions, so I do sometimes ask deep questions. This tends to turn some people off because they could think I want ammo on them, when really I just want to know who they are or what kind of person they are when asked something a little more complex than lighter subjects.
I think you want hit and miss. Repel the ones that aren't your type while reel in the ones who are.
Hmm. I have a "weird" sense of humour that consists of saying horrible things with a deadpan delivery. This has backfired spectacularly on occasion. But often not! And if you can give her a good belly laugh..
I be severely mentally ill
I have schizoaffective bipolar. Big hit or miss, I'm talking I get a match, I or they say "hey, how's it going, you look cute, what's your interests" etc. and then "I have schizophrenia btw, but I'm medicated" and then.... More misses than hits. Even after that, if they stay, I get scared and end up deleting the app for long periods of time. I've given up on dating because I hate ghosting people.
If the answer isnāt already known, I ask before the first date what their stance is on children. Iām sterilized and not interested in ever being a parent in any capacity (no adoption, no step children, etc) and I donāt want to waste someoneās time if they want to be a father one day
Well, I'm a sub and a crossdresser. It's a not insignificant part of my life. I've been doing it for forever and don't forsee that changing. Used to, it was like this thing I would keep under my hat and slowly get around to bringing up as relationships progressed, and I could tell if they were cool or not. Well, I'm over 30 and I don't got time for that shit anymore. I'm pretty damn forthright about who I am and what I'm about now. I used to get like hundreds of matches in my 20's, and now it's more like dozens. Ya know what, though? I find a fuck of a lot more of what I'm looking for.
I get too attached too soon and sometimes I know it, I see it, and I canāt do anything about it even if I act cool and avoidant. In my defense, Iām pretty clear that I date to marry. Guys who donāt like to waste time and know what theyāre looking for usually like it, others get too overwhelmed and Iām like itās okay I get it
I get really anxious and come at it with a more caring energy than people are used to. I do a lot of "did you eat today?" Or "did you drink any water?" And other things like that. I'm also worried about being to aggressive with flirting so I just don't and some girls realize that I'm just anxious and shy but others take it as I'm just a great friend
I love to look up the name meaning of a woman Iāve matched with, and then make a pun on the womanās name in a flirty way. Many are receptive to it, but sometimes it results in the conversation ending. š¤·āāļø
If a woman aggressively flirted at me, I'd fold like fresh laundry.
But me? I often flirt with people just for fun but sometimes I give off the wrong intentions and they're wondering if I like them or not.
Iām usually bold, one guy I dated I was later told my boldness scared him (we were friends for a long time before anything occurred); when I went to his place for date night, I stripped walking to his room. Apparently he didnāt know what to make of it but followed lmao
Another one I dated was through work; it was super casual - found a safe way to give him my number and if it worked it worked; if not, no weird awkwardness lol just a fellow coworker helping another.
Now Iāll wait for the man to approach š
Regarding your raspy voice, I would NOT worry about it. Some guys might like it, some might be neutral and even those that may not like the raspiness of it at first, may grow to like it.
Last year I had a lady customer come into my department looking for assistance. She had a high pitched voice which annoyed me. After she came back to our department in subsequent shopping trips, her voice didn't bother me and because I started to like her, the sound of her voice became pleasing to my ear becsuse it was part of who she was.
So don't worry about your voice; it will be one of the things that tge riggt person will find attractive about you.
Not saying you are doing anything wrong, however this is not your fault.
It is a reflex
They donāt believe you
ESPECIALLY if you have friends around, and / or in public when you do it.
They are probably looking around to see if they are being prankedā¦.or trying to leave and not look into anything.
Itās not your fault, and their fault, it just is what it is.
For me I crack jokes, with a little sarcasm, but not in an annoying hurtful or me spirited way.
Most people appreciate it because I like to have fun and laugh, other times people don't pick up on the joke or my sarcasm.
I even poke fun at myself which sometimes people don't know how to take, because I'm in a wheelchair so even though I'm giving permission to laugh at me.
People are still weary of it which I won't lie makes me laugh. šš
The way I act is very different, not in the sense that āoo Iām not like other girlsā but in the sense I have so normal way of acting. I will either be a goofball, serious, intelligent, a dumbass or an asshole, or on occasion a huge flirt. Hence why I wait to dated until Iāve spent significant time with the person of interest
The "like my new perfume" method for the first kiss.
Basically I grab my shirt, and pull it toward a girl, asking her if she likes my new perfume. When she gets close to smell it, I raise her chin and kiss her.
Hella smooth way for a first kiss. Hit or miss as fuck, sometimes it works, other times you get slapped.
I've been on the receiving end of this and all I can tell you is:
1. It was too soon, I hadn't warmed up to you as a person.
2. I wasn't into the offer regardless of timing.
Sometimes it plays out that way.
I have no flirting skills. My hit-or-miss move is inviting them on a hike. It's surprising to discover how many women don't like to hike. But that weeds out the couch potatoes.
You could say my situation is the inverse version of yours. I don't usually ask girls out and when they are the ones that initiate interest, flirt, and project towards me always tend to expect me, at some point in the relationship, to prove to them why they didn't make a mistake by asking me out.
While I understand the sentiment of reassurance, it seems like my going with the flow and what they want always ends up the same. Either they lose interest, or they act like we were never a thing.
I guess whether or not you're clingy or nonchalant, it always ends the same.
That proves my point for me. Instead of expecting one person to decide where a relationship is meant to go why not communicate what your intent is. I realize what kind of picture my prior summary painted, but I can't really name all the stuff I did right because I'd be gassing myself up. Overall point being, some women are just as confused, if not more, than some guys because initiating a relationship makes you liable for the other person's feelings to an extent.
Sometimes I (19 F) will be chilling with my partner on the couch or something and Iāll hold their hand, look them dead in the eyes, smile a tiny bitā¦ā¦then I bite them. Itās not a hard bite but more like a nibble. It always scares them a bit at first until I explain that I do it to people I feel safe to be myself around and they either tell me not to do it again or theyāre happy that Iām comfortable with themā¦if they tell me not to do it, I make them leave within the next hour and I donāt feed them before they go š
When I'm (28F) interested in someone and they're flirting with me as well. I head up to them boldly and ask if they're interested in me or not. 95% of the time they're interested in me..but then it goes no where coz I lose interest coz I asked them first.
Hello, I'm sorry for invading your privacy. When I was looking at some page posts on Reddit I saw your beautiful profile picture. I tried sending you a friend request but it failed. I thought this was your friend so I decided to write something awesome in your comment box. Maybe we can become friends. Well, if you don't mind, you can send me a friend request and let's be good friends here, I'd really appreciate it.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My flirting can either be a playful tease that might come off as not interested or it can be too cutsy and lovey dovey to where i seem needy and truly cannot tell which one will happen and which one is worse š
definitely the first, rather take a woman whoās clingy than a woman who comes off as not interested any day
Yeahh thats what i was thinking. I think i put too much pressure on myself to not act one way that i end up over-correcting it.
Just be you and be mindful of yourself & others šš¼.
The former, then.
huh
āIām not sure which is worse,ā and you told her the latter, then went on to explain why the former is worse instead.
thank you, I thought I was insane reading that lmao
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nah donāt let a couple bad experiences steal your sweetness. Donāt allow a few negative people to squash positivity. The world needs optimists. Being optimistic is not your problem; your problem is doubting yourself. Stay true to your positive self and youāll find your upbeat, bubbly match someday.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Absolutely wild to be honest. Iād say probably 70% of my conversations end without going anywhere because itās like pulling teeth with some of these men! I know I talk a lot, and on occasionally I will apologize in advance before sending a multi minute voice memo :) but I am just so excited to tell someone about something or just merely banter back and forth. I do also (on occasion) remind myself to let the other person talk a bit. A good conversation weighs way more to me than a lot of other factors. And beingā¦ too optimistic. That again, is wild. Stay positive, because the alternative probably sucks and no one likes a negative Nancy. You sound like youād be my type of guy, and the type of guy a lot of my friends look for too. Donāt let some Debbie downer tell you otherwise! Us chatty cathys have to stick together! And yes, I committed to the theme intentionally.
>negative Nancy >Debbie downer >chatty cathys I started to wonder how many names like these there actually are... who comes up with these?
Imaginative Ike is the guy who comes up with 1/2 of them; the other 1/2 are made up by creative Cathy.
Gosh if I could find a woman who loves to talk AND is emotionally available... Clearly not on the apps. I either get one or the either and I'm fluent in yappanese, because I yap a lot.
Here's a tip... A lot of people like the sound of their own voice, women included. I can talk too much when I'm around others if I'm not careful. The best thing you can do with others is to ask engaging OPEN ENDED QUESTIONS like, "What is your favorite hobby, tell me about it?" As opposed to CLOSED ENDED QUESTIONS like, "Do you have any hobbies?" A yes or no answer is all that is required. If you make a conscious effort to let the other peeson talk 60% of the time, they will think you're a great conversationaliat.
Seconding this. Also a second tip, for those glass half full types and problem solvers: Be careful not to be carried away by your positivity, and accidentally risk invalidating someoneās experience. An extreme example: At my fiancĆ© funeral, a few mourners consoled me by reminding me that hey, at least he died before we had any children! (ā¦thank you forā¦ the silver liningā¦ I guess I messed up here by grieving instead of celebrating?) Similarly, you may risk accidentally alienating people who express their vulnerability about something and you reply with solutions. Often, people want to be seen and heard, not āfixedā. I have fallen into this trap too; wanting to help, Iāve thought of ways to resolve their stressors, but Iāve learned that validation must come first, before a person feels safe enough to enact any change. When dating (and for new relationships in general), itās important to pace intimacy, and not jump straight into the deep end (oh god, donāt ask me how I know). Steamrolling someoneās struggles with positivity and solutions (ājust do this!ā) can be counterproductive in the best cases, and presumes a degree of intimacy that has not yet been establish on a first date.
This is very good advice. I make a point when someone brings an issue or something to me to ask if they want a solution (or my best advice/problem solving), just to vent, or a distraction. I find that works well for me and leads to less interrupting and invalidating on my part. The adhd meds help as well ;) work in progress you know!
Hoooope you fiiind your daaaaad! (and your girl)!
Yeah man, sounds like we're similar people. I have the same look on life, love talking and am positive in life mostly. If there's something in my life I don't like, I fix it. And some things will just suck and that's part of life, I will never enjoy cleaning the toilet but it's part of life. Can't make cleaning the toilet ruin my whole day (which some people seem to do). There's hope, I ran into a girl with a similar outlook on life. She's more quiet though which is good because she loves hearing me ramble about everything and anything that comes to mind. And when she has a story to tell, I let her and it works out great! You'll find someone awesome for sure.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Man! Even the same age as me! I had the same thoughts after my last breakup. At the end I just wanted to date casually and was not really looking for something serious, just wanted to meet people and see what's out there when I struck gold. Didn't plan for it (actually going on a big trip in a few weeks which I wanted to be single for because hell it's fun to do shit with girls in foreign countries), but here we are. Met the girl where it just works, I want her, she wants me. Open communication and attraction from both sides. She's out there, you'll run into her when it might not be convenient but make sure your heart is open!
For me a guy that talks a lot is a yes for meššš Talk to meee. Hahahahahha
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank youuu š Still practicing putting make up š¤£
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That was so advanceeeee. Wahahahahahaha I will be practicing for myself first maybe š¤£š¤£š¤£ But who knows what happens in the future š
im the same way with talking. i use to work in tv news as a producer writing shows, as well as a reporter so its def a bad habit. whats worse is i project when i talk because of it
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Idk if itās the chase, but I do know that I once dated a guy who I liked a lot, but I had to call it quits because heād never ask about me or let me get a word in edgewise. We were on the phone for an hour once, and I realized Iād talked for maybe 5 minutes of the call (Iām not a quiet person either or anything). I donāt know you of course so that may not be the case at all here.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I get it, and my mind makes me think that too sometimes. I might just make sure youāre also asking lots of questions too! If I get too excited talking about something I try and gauge how long Iāve been talking and then make sure that the other person doesnāt feel steamrolled in the conversation. Iāve been on both sides of the equation, though. š
Nah, as an overly positive and girl that talks to much, there are women out there that want that exact personality. Donāt change and donāt think these are faults. Embrace them!
Noo. there's no wrong of having that attitude. Maybe, it's just that, right attitude to the wrong person. Trust me, the right one will embrace you.
Indeed true. The right one will be amaze and accept you for whatever attitude you have. So do me a favor, dont settle for less, dont settle for someone who doesnt appreciates you.
I wish more guys were like you lol. All I get are duds who don't even know what they want in a partner or even life. It's exhausting trying to make conversations with these people. No passion for life, no interests, no desires. Its nice to know there are guys like that out there :)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That is nice know! Good luck to you my friend!
I'm all of that but the talkative part, I'm generally a very quiet person. I'll openly talk about my entire life to the right person, like my lady for instance is the first person I have felt comfortable enough to just open up to, everyone prior to her, not so much. I think it's all about finding who you know you can vibe with. In other words, don't give up man and don't give up on yourself.. You Will find the right person for you and as crazy as it may sound, you won't even have to look for her. She'll just kinda fall into your lap... You'll both be a blessing for each other... Stay strong. š¤š¤
Life is already hard enough. Anyone would love to be surrounded by positive people, and don't let anyone try to change your perspective on life because we only live once
Man , I feel you on that. I definitely like to small talk. I want to get to know someone and it's so hard to know who. I am generally a nice person . I don't ask ladies of any age randomly to show me nudes and I'm not sending random D- pics. I will be honest I believe I'm missing out sometimes because the ladies are really wanting me to be a bad boy, and I'm just genuinely curious asking silly questions. I believe a lot of the ladies who have ghosted me want more sexually driven conversations and I am very good at those lol when I can trust the individual. That bond is hard to come by when half the time if not more your chatting with a middle aged dude from a foreign country š
You have to keep contributing to the degradation of society. If youre good looking enough, you don't have to put anything on your. Be an asshole to them! Women are effectively dogs nowadays. They will let anything fuck them that looks and sounds good to them.
Bold flirting can be a game-changer! Some people love the confidence, and others might need a minute to catch up. Just keep being yourself, those who vibe with it are the ones worth your time! š
We have to that same mood.
Every once in a while I get a feeling of false confidence. That's "fuck it, just send that first message, a rejection isn't going to hurt". Well, I'm wrong every single time.
āHey youāre hot. Let me buy you dinner?ā -Iām a 5ā2 young woman in her 20s. It throws guys off, but I usually get a yes :) I also am usually very upfront about what I want (marriage, babies, to work) and am openly sharing my ideas about those topics (my 2nd biggest fear in life is infertility, I want to work while but am open to changing my mind when I have kids, I love the idea of an unmedicated home birth, etc.) When Iām talking to guys my age, they sometimes say itās a bit much, but when I go older (35-45) itās a āwoah, thatās thought outā
Please, do not have a home birth. They are much riskier for you and the baby.
Home birth can be basically a death wish if any complications. Even minor complications could end the baby's life. Being at a hospital is nice because they have an entire emergency team on standby.
I had a home birth almost 40 years ago with a midwife.if you are with trained professional you'll probably be OK one way or another. if there are issues they are going to send you to the hospital
There may not be time to go to a hospital. Thatās the risk. And with something so important why would you not want to be near where the resources are?
I lived a mile from a hospital and I was healthy and had medical care throughout the pregnancy
Iām glad it worked out for you. All Iām saying is that you never know. A mile can still be too much time. Sometime you have seconds. And why would you introduce more risk into a risky situation?
No use trying to convince a woman like this. Logic never once.
Spoken like a true medical professional. Sure, go to the hospital where the temporal and financial incentive is for the doctor is to give you a cesarean section. So many benefits for the baby to have a vaginal birth. Look it up!
Where I'm from they won't give you a c section unless absolutely necessary, so I'm confused by your statement..
Immediately I am in love
Honestly wish there were more women like you out there
I are 1 in a million. Itās still society norms for guys to be the purser š
This is the biggest croc of shit I've seen to date!
Ha! Lemme clarify - Iām not saying that to everybody or even IRL all that often (just twice?Āæ?) but when I was on the apps - the line worked and was a phenomenal way to make the first move after a matchš The age thingās true tho, but the sample size is small. College-ish age thereās been about a few dozen people Iāve talked that deeply with (only like 4-5 agreed with me on enough to make it anywhere) and thereās only been 4 over the 30/40s category Iām not just out here using that line saying the things all the time hahah cause yeah that would be absolute crap lol
Tbh you didn't even need to clarify. Everything you've said was clear as day the first time.
Strangely I'm not like most guys I'm open to marriage and kids it just takes time
Lmao. This was giving āItās not my fault I have a wide set vagina.ā What kind of accent do you have, OP?
It depends what language Iām speaking š«£ In Spanish I sound Cuban with a splash of Puerto Rican while in English I have a slight southern accent
Why did I never consider that in Spanish you can sound like something else too š¤¦š½ āin Spanish I sound Cuban.ā Incredible.
What. Spain alone has like 40+ different accents and several dialects. Hearing someone from Colombia and Argentina talk to each other is like Scottish & Canadian English equivalent in terms of disparity in accent.
LMAO are you for realā¦
Itās not even just the accents and colloquialisms, there are also large variations in vocabulary depending on what Spanish-speaking country youāre in. I use several different words for āstrawā if Iām in a restaurant, it all depends on the origin of the person Iām communicating with. In Mexico itās āpopoteā but in Colombia itās āpitilloā. My central American friends say āpajĆaā and other friends say āpajitaā. Another frequent issue is that many common verbs are used in slang as āto fuckā but it all varies from country to country. To throw, ātirarā can be used some places and ācogerā (to pick up) in others.
For real. As a Venezuelan, asking for a straw in a Spanish speaking restaurant is the wild west of being seen as a weird guy or made fun of by people around you, considering that at least half of the names there are for straw translate colloquially to things like "blowjob" or "jacking off".
If it makes you feel any better when I was living in Colombia and learning Spanish I confidently asked for a āpitufoā at a restaurant, that was the year a new Smurfs movie come out and everyone roasted me for ages š
4Real. I speak Spanish so I can pick up the distinctions easily. Colombians are basically the USA of Spanish accents, clear and slow, donāt use overly complex sentences, to the point. Argentinian might as well be Italian for all it sounds like and the colloquialisms they use bare little resemblance to the rest of South America. Itās takes a while to get used to. Spain the accent changes for every two hours you drive. A large chunk of the country donāt speak Spanish as a first language (Galicia, Catalonia, Basque country) and even those that do are borderline incomprehensible (Andalusians) so it might as well be a different language.
I find Mexican Spanish, at least whatever Spanish accent is spoken in Mexico city to be very easy to understand as someone who knows some Spanish as a second language.
Mexican is fun to hear yeah. Heaps of slang, and distinctive accent but they speak relatively clear.
I think they may be on the conservative side with those numbers for Spain alone come to think of it.
Definitely. 400 would be closer.
Not really though.
Yeah really.
Spain is probably spoken in more countries than any other language and each one has a different accent. Even in Spain which isn't huge there are at least half a dozen incredibly distinct accents even in the places where Spanish is the primary language. Even in Andalucia Spanish is spoken very differently in coastal mountain villages than beach towns just a few miles below.
I mostly meant on the first posts how itās funny that you can be native to a language but sound like youāre from somewhere else. Never thought about that. I had an exchange student stay with us who was from Spain in high school and we talked about accents. Another woman who was Mexican said her Spanish was useless in Spain. But not āyouāre American and you sound Cuban.ā Thatās interesting to me.
Oh, bi-lingual... Me encanta! Sofisticada.
My flirting is intense. I don't know how to be girlie and coy. I move unintentionally fast and am direct.
I canāt do cute flirting either
Same here, but I did cute flirting once when I said, "Hi, I don't really know how to flirt, but if I could flirt, I'd flirt with you."
Me flirting : You look real good with your handsome self I feel flirting sounds better when I do it in Spanish
Aye, mamita grrrrr *rolls tongue and wiggles eyebrows*
Examples please? So I may take note
I like it when women aggressively flirt, BUT there are 2 flavors of women. The first is stand up and they mean what they say. I like that very much. The second kind learned that men get intimidated and shy, when a woman is bold. They enjoy the intimidation, but they themselves get shy when you play the aggressive game too. I hate that. It's just a false flag.
I talk too much. Itās a nervous habit and a symptom of having hyper-activity disorder. It can go one way or the other it seems. I can mask most of the symptoms pretty well so most just seem to think iām just overly upbeat and chatty I guess. I did go on a date with a clinical psychiatrist recently though and she pinged me for adhd immediately lol.
Love the username š¤š
Itās poetry isnāt it.
A friend once told me that there are two kinds of girls: 1- āyouāre taking COCAINE????!!!!!! I donāt waste my time with hard drug users. Byeeeee ā¤ļøā¤ļø!!! ā 2- āIāll do all your blow, give it to me.ā
iām somewhere in the middle of this tbh
Haha yeah same here. I'm kinda seeing a coke head. I told him down to take some but I won't be asking for any. I'll take it as a fun drug but it's not a path I want to go down long term lol
Is that how addictive drugs work? Huh.
According to every addict I've ever met. I've never met an addict that's actively using that didn't think that they were uniquely qualified to "handle their shit."
So not sarcastically, it's true for crack?
Judging by that tiger king show itās true for meth. I knew a medical professional whose brother used heroin. She asked of course you donāt share needles, right? His response was that if thereās heroin but not enough needles to go round, what do think I do?? Oh I guess no heroin today, too badā¦..
Dating a girl seemingly out of my league. Either by looks or intelligence.
I'm flirty but I don't like to jump into a relationship right away; I like to have fun but I want to get to know someone first and foremost. A lot of people get a little antsy about it and I'm not really willing to go faster in my pace ://
Interesting, do people place you in their short term dating category then?
Not quite sure. It often happens that on the first or 2nd date they already want to start a relationship but I say I need more time. They get upset saying I don't like them as much as they like me then, or am I looking into other guys? No, I just prefer to get to know someone before going into a relationship.
OK so you're attracting the needy type, I'm fascinated that all the "go with the flow", "let's see where this goes" type of guys aren't finding you. Although, precaution the majority of the latter group of men are simply looking to hookup.
There are some !! Those are the guys it usually works out with.Ā It's a mixed bag, but the weirder situations stick out.Ā I'm also a minority in my country so I attract some fetishizers haha but I met a cool go-with-the-flow military guy recently so I'm hoping it goes well!!
All the best!
I talk about stuff like finances and politics and other things people tend to be cagey about super early on. Like will answer āwhat did you do today?ā with a really detailed answer about updating my budget spreadsheet. People are either weirded out or respond by telling me in detail about theirs lol
Usually it's a miss, but I like to really know a potential partner and that they really know me. I want us to enjoy who we are and them see of it works. Like if she can be my friend and me hers that's perfection, because when we become more then we will truly enjoy each other, not only on romantic side of things. Unfortunately for me, I suck at this. I never either succeed at evolving the friendship to romantic or I fall in love to women who don't see me ever like that. All my relationships were with very direct women, who wanted me without prior real relationship and they all failed because we weren't compatible on core values that weren't apparent on surface level. Now because of where I live and my dead self esteem I struggle to even have women as friend even worse as partners.
Do you think your demisexual by chance?
What is demisexual ?
You gotta hit up google! But anyway, itās a essentially people who only form romantic / sexual attraction to people they are close to. Thatās what I am. But I thought maybe you might be like this as well which could explain some things that are a little harder to articulate here.
I could form romantic feelings and attraction with my exes. But I may indeed have a demi sexual tendencies indeed. Thanks for the info. I was at work when I asked, that is why I didn't googled sooner.
the fact that i talk a lot and get really passionate and emotional lmao
Same girl same
Make jokes. Iām like Chandler from Friendsā¦either they like it or they hate it.
Keep it up. The world needs more Chandlersš©·
You would think.
when i like someone im very transparent about how i feel, 9/10 men use that against me and use me for all that they can and 1 rare time iāll get into a fulfilling relationship :/ seems like i still havenāt learned and applied to my life that this doesnāt work
Humor. If the other person doesnāt have any or not accepting of yours then itās all a bust. Itās fine if itās doesnāt sync with them, but if they find it odd and not even bemused then itās pointless
I admire you for having a bold style. When I flirt, Iām very talkative & I make a lot of jokes. Some guys find it interesting and endearing and others get turned off because of I like witty banter
I always ask about politics on the 1st date. I always ask what theyāre looking for before the 1st date to not waste anyoneās time
I be myself :(
Nothing I do is hit or miss. It's always miss. š„²
Doesn't really matter, most men don't realise you're doing it anyways š. Personally I'm not good with subtle hints. So I guess I would take the aggressive.
I try and act cool and mysterious but the second I open my mouth itās all over.
The sexual compatibility talk no later than the third date.
Speakingā¦
Personally, I don't heat things up. I keep it very low and friendly
Aggressive flirting is never a "no" from me unless we're in the company of others whose company would make such flirting inappropriate, or unless the content of the flirting is just grossly inappropriate and ALSO not my kink
I'm super honest and direct about what I want.
I don't like softball questions, so I do sometimes ask deep questions. This tends to turn some people off because they could think I want ammo on them, when really I just want to know who they are or what kind of person they are when asked something a little more complex than lighter subjects.
I think you want hit and miss. Repel the ones that aren't your type while reel in the ones who are. Hmm. I have a "weird" sense of humour that consists of saying horrible things with a deadpan delivery. This has backfired spectacularly on occasion. But often not! And if you can give her a good belly laugh..
Telling her I'm autistic
I be severely mentally ill I have schizoaffective bipolar. Big hit or miss, I'm talking I get a match, I or they say "hey, how's it going, you look cute, what's your interests" etc. and then "I have schizophrenia btw, but I'm medicated" and then.... More misses than hits. Even after that, if they stay, I get scared and end up deleting the app for long periods of time. I've given up on dating because I hate ghosting people.
If the answer isnāt already known, I ask before the first date what their stance is on children. Iām sterilized and not interested in ever being a parent in any capacity (no adoption, no step children, etc) and I donāt want to waste someoneās time if they want to be a father one day
Exist.
Well, I'm a sub and a crossdresser. It's a not insignificant part of my life. I've been doing it for forever and don't forsee that changing. Used to, it was like this thing I would keep under my hat and slowly get around to bringing up as relationships progressed, and I could tell if they were cool or not. Well, I'm over 30 and I don't got time for that shit anymore. I'm pretty damn forthright about who I am and what I'm about now. I used to get like hundreds of matches in my 20's, and now it's more like dozens. Ya know what, though? I find a fuck of a lot more of what I'm looking for.
Be vegan
Being overly available.
Communication!
Cooking is always a hit or miss to me .. oh dear, so hard
Trying to stick it in. Sometimes I hit it, sometimes I miss it š¤£š¤£š¤£
Have a pregame cocktail š
I get too attached too soon and sometimes I know it, I see it, and I canāt do anything about it even if I act cool and avoidant. In my defense, Iām pretty clear that I date to marry. Guys who donāt like to waste time and know what theyāre looking for usually like it, others get too overwhelmed and Iām like itās okay I get it
Depends on what your looking for. Long term relationship or a roll in the hay?
Try and have an actual conversation š
Actually show up
I get really anxious and come at it with a more caring energy than people are used to. I do a lot of "did you eat today?" Or "did you drink any water?" And other things like that. I'm also worried about being to aggressive with flirting so I just don't and some girls realize that I'm just anxious and shy but others take it as I'm just a great friend
I tease the other person.
I love to look up the name meaning of a woman Iāve matched with, and then make a pun on the womanās name in a flirty way. Many are receptive to it, but sometimes it results in the conversation ending. š¤·āāļø
If a woman aggressively flirted at me, I'd fold like fresh laundry. But me? I often flirt with people just for fun but sometimes I give off the wrong intentions and they're wondering if I like them or not.
Hit and miss you say lol. This is a hit on all levels from confidence to your ability to flirt to a rasby voice.
Iām usually bold, one guy I dated I was later told my boldness scared him (we were friends for a long time before anything occurred); when I went to his place for date night, I stripped walking to his room. Apparently he didnāt know what to make of it but followed lmao Another one I dated was through work; it was super casual - found a safe way to give him my number and if it worked it worked; if not, no weird awkwardness lol just a fellow coworker helping another. Now Iāll wait for the man to approach š
Regarding your raspy voice, I would NOT worry about it. Some guys might like it, some might be neutral and even those that may not like the raspiness of it at first, may grow to like it. Last year I had a lady customer come into my department looking for assistance. She had a high pitched voice which annoyed me. After she came back to our department in subsequent shopping trips, her voice didn't bother me and because I started to like her, the sound of her voice became pleasing to my ear becsuse it was part of who she was. So don't worry about your voice; it will be one of the things that tge riggt person will find attractive about you.
Women hit on wife all the time, I just benefit. Lol
Not saying you are doing anything wrong, however this is not your fault. It is a reflex They donāt believe you ESPECIALLY if you have friends around, and / or in public when you do it. They are probably looking around to see if they are being prankedā¦.or trying to leave and not look into anything. Itās not your fault, and their fault, it just is what it is.
For me I crack jokes, with a little sarcasm, but not in an annoying hurtful or me spirited way. Most people appreciate it because I like to have fun and laugh, other times people don't pick up on the joke or my sarcasm. I even poke fun at myself which sometimes people don't know how to take, because I'm in a wheelchair so even though I'm giving permission to laugh at me. People are still weary of it which I won't lie makes me laugh. šš
The way I act is very different, not in the sense that āoo Iām not like other girlsā but in the sense I have so normal way of acting. I will either be a goofball, serious, intelligent, a dumbass or an asshole, or on occasion a huge flirt. Hence why I wait to dated until Iāve spent significant time with the person of interest
The "like my new perfume" method for the first kiss. Basically I grab my shirt, and pull it toward a girl, asking her if she likes my new perfume. When she gets close to smell it, I raise her chin and kiss her. Hella smooth way for a first kiss. Hit or miss as fuck, sometimes it works, other times you get slapped.
I've been on the receiving end of this and all I can tell you is: 1. It was too soon, I hadn't warmed up to you as a person. 2. I wasn't into the offer regardless of timing. Sometimes it plays out that way.
Raspy voice? What? Have you been smoking? š¤£
Something I do? Being genuine - good and bad.
I have no flirting skills. My hit-or-miss move is inviting them on a hike. It's surprising to discover how many women don't like to hike. But that weeds out the couch potatoes.
Opening up doors, pulling out chairsā¦some girls love it. Some girls give you a speech about the patriarchy.
Sex
Say nothing. Just be yourself. Thatās the best statement you can make.
I bet youāre a smoke show. LOVE a raspy voice on a lady
You could say my situation is the inverse version of yours. I don't usually ask girls out and when they are the ones that initiate interest, flirt, and project towards me always tend to expect me, at some point in the relationship, to prove to them why they didn't make a mistake by asking me out. While I understand the sentiment of reassurance, it seems like my going with the flow and what they want always ends up the same. Either they lose interest, or they act like we were never a thing. I guess whether or not you're clingy or nonchalant, it always ends the same.
>Either they lose interest, or they act like we were never a thing. Well, yeah.. relationship are a 2 way street, regardless of who initiated it.
That proves my point for me. Instead of expecting one person to decide where a relationship is meant to go why not communicate what your intent is. I realize what kind of picture my prior summary painted, but I can't really name all the stuff I did right because I'd be gassing myself up. Overall point being, some women are just as confused, if not more, than some guys because initiating a relationship makes you liable for the other person's feelings to an extent.
Sometimes I (19 F) will be chilling with my partner on the couch or something and Iāll hold their hand, look them dead in the eyes, smile a tiny bitā¦ā¦then I bite them. Itās not a hard bite but more like a nibble. It always scares them a bit at first until I explain that I do it to people I feel safe to be myself around and they either tell me not to do it again or theyāre happy that Iām comfortable with themā¦if they tell me not to do it, I make them leave within the next hour and I donāt feed them before they go š
Gross ignorant Trump lover.
I just put it in the back door, sometimes its a hit and simetimes its a miss
When I'm (28F) interested in someone and they're flirting with me as well. I head up to them boldly and ask if they're interested in me or not. 95% of the time they're interested in me..but then it goes no where coz I lose interest coz I asked them first.
Can you do me a favor? Click to accept my invitation in the SHEIN app, and win up to $300šµ for each of us!! https://shein.top/axwi9e5
Hello, I'm sorry for invading your privacy. When I was looking at some page posts on Reddit I saw your beautiful profile picture. I tried sending you a friend request but it failed. I thought this was your friend so I decided to write something awesome in your comment box. Maybe we can become friends. Well, if you don't mind, you can send me a friend request and let's be good friends here, I'd really appreciate it.