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I swear this reddit community is terrible for advice. They see one minor problem and already scream "Abandon ship, break up, you are not compatible!", like geez no one is perfect, just communicate to him and make a deal. If he doesn't accept your deal then maybe you can break up, if he accepts you keep your love and relationship. Of course that is only my judgment because there seems you have one problem only with him. Cutting a relationship at the slightest sign of inconvenience is toxic and childish. And you will just jump from guy to guy because no one is perfect, and then become sad and perhaps even angry at men in general because no one meets your impossible criteria.

Thank you. Everything besides our sex life is perfect and we have a great relationship and communication with each other. Him and I have been working on it lately and we both agree we are thriving a lot more than we used too

I'm glad to hear that! Just remember communication is key, never expect him to telepathically know what you think or how you feel. Just talk and if he really loves you he will adjust his behaviour. If he doesn't then perhaps he really isn't the one.

Yeah this is very good advice. 👆🏼Listen to No_set

Are you on birth control? There's your answer. He's got a completely normal sexual drive. Sex for him is not only getting off but a way of connecting to you and long term yeah, that's going to be a problem for him. It's like you telling him something that's important for you and he doesn't "deliver". It sounds bad and I'm sure he's understanding but if he's stating that it's something that's missing and it's a problem for him, then take it seriously. That would be my thought process, at least.

May I add that seeing a therapist, even once could be so helpful here. Sometimes a third, non-biased voice is super important. They can help set realistic expectations (in this case, for your bf), and even help explain how women’s libidos are inextricably connected to our stress levels, energy levels, etc. They can help you with communicating and righting this difference in expectations before it trickles into other areas in your relationship that as of now seem to be pretty great. Good luck! Wouldn’t mind an update either OP 😊

Finallyyyy, someone said it!! And people use the term "red flag" too much these days for every minor issue in the relationship 💀

Nuance and the ability even to *try* to see things from multiple perspectives seems to be decreasing every day in modern society, and particularly on Reddit.

Thank you. I am inclined to agree. A lot of people here suck.

Amen Amen keep talking great advice

Reddit is the majority of miserable people who love putting their on species of wood on other flames. It's echo chamber of misery

Realest comment I’ve seen on this sub

Don't listen to the fickle shit bags on the internet telling you to break up. They'll tell anyone to break up over any complaint. It's no way to go through life.

Thank you. It’s crazy how many people are saying to just break up and not even try to work it out.

It’s certainly wouldn’t be break up in the first instance but long term sexual incompatibility is defo a reason to break up. But always talk first, ask him to stop degrading you with his comments and you may find he was oblivious to the impact his comments had.

I can’t speak for women but I think your bf has the normal “young guy libido”. I don’t think you are asexual. It’s just that you guys don’t have the same level of libido.

You two should have an open and honest discussion about sex, all sorts of questions, how you feel about sex, how much it matters to you, why you have sex, what turns you on and off, how much does the sex affect the relationship, etc. People can have widely different views and opinions on sex and not realize it. For example, not everyone would think that having sex more often would make it "less special" or even "like a chore". For some people sex is an important way to connect with their significant other, for some physical intimacy might be enough or compensate the lack of sex, some would take rejection personally ("they're not attracted to me anymore, they don't love me anymore, what if there's someone else, what if I gained weight, what if they find me boring now, etc"), feel unworthy or unloved, some people lose their libido when stressed, others are on the opposite side - sex is how they deal with stress, some people put sex high in their priority list and want to make time to have sex, some prefer food or something else over sex, some feel it's crucial for their relationship, others consider it optional, some think that good sex means that said person would be satisfied and wouldn't need sex for awhile, while if they're unsatisfied, they would ask for more...the list goes on forever. Without clear communication, we all assume that the other person views sex the same way as us, but this couldn't be further from the truth. Sex affects many aspects of life and many aspects of life affect the sex drive. In his mindset, he has no understanding as to why you would have a lower libido than before, and coupled with his lack of knowledge about asexuality, his only way to explain the situation to himself was to mislabel you, because it made sense in his mind (you should learn more about asexuality and educate him, wrong wording can be very harmful). Meanwhile, you probably don't understand why he still has the same libido (hint: he's still very young) or why it matters so much to him. So you end up both assuming wrong things about each other. Vulnerability and openness is key, the answers to these questions might surprise you or you might not like them, but in the end, you'll both have challenged your mind regarding sex, widened your views and maybe even changed opinions. And would probably find common ground, or at least more understanding and empathy towards each other. I don't currently have ressources about meaningful sex questions, but I would suggest you to research some online. Also maybe the YouTube channel "The School of Life" has some videos on the subject (and relationship communication in general).

Sexual activity differs for couple to couple, it's not necessary that the thing working for one will work for the other too. You just need to have a word with your partner and sort the things out.

You just have two different sex drives is all. If his doesn't lower or yours doesn't catch up....eventually one of you is going to have a lot of resentment over the other. You also can't really do a real compromise when it comes to sex because then its going to feel transactional or expected and then you're both going to be screwing each other not in the fun way. I've been with my wife now for 15 years roughly and our honeymoon stage is definitely over - especially now with a 10 year old and almost 5 year old in the house - however, we still make time for one another in the bedroom so rather than an every single day kind of thing like it used to be in our honeymoon stage we've dwinded down to maybe 3 or 4 days a week. Although on the weekends or even some weekdays we will still manage to squeeze out a quickie in the morning and then our normal fun time at night after the kids have gone to bed....but overall there's still at least 2 or 3 days in the week that we don't do anything at all sexual. I feel like that's a fairly good and average number for a couple that still loves each other and enjoys everything together. Obviously different for some people's relationship dynamic but whatever works for you guys is what you need to stick with. I have a higher drive than my wife in the afternoon whereas hers is much higher in the mornings so there's always going to be moments when one person just isn't fully feeling it and that's okay. On the flip side of things - sexual compatibility (and drive compatibility) are HUGE things in a relationship to consider....so if your overall state is just your new normal and your overall decline isn't due to medication or outside stress factors then there's a very real possibility you and your boyfriend may need to have a serious conversation about things. You both may even need to walk away if you can't figure out how to solve your issues as a couple. The fact you mentioned it already feeling like a chore is a bit telling. Sex should never feel like a chore - unless you're just wrong for one another.

I really love that you said you can’t really compromise, otherwise it feels transactional. So true. A lot of commenters were telling her to “meet him in the middle”, but she shouldn’t be having sex if she doesn’t want to have sex. And then it’s also negative for him because she is probably less enthusiastic because she settled.

You aren't asexual. What's "normal" for other couples doesn't really matter. What matters is how often the two of you want to do it. You've just got to talk it through. If you still arent on the same page, you've got to break up and find more compatible partners.

Your decreased sex drive could very well be the result of taking birth control, OP. You may want to switch to another form. I’ve had the same issue in two relationships. First with Nexplanon and a second time with the NuvaRing. The longest I’ve gone without sex has been a year (while I was on Nexplanon). Not only does it decrease your sex drive, it could also affect your ability to produce the lubricating fluid necessary to make intercourse enjoyable. This was my issue with both Nexplanon and NuvaRing.

What other form would you advise that won't cause the decrease of sex drive?

Very true! I experienced the same recently with Nuvaring, it was a nightmare, I couldn’t understand where my sexdrive was gone, it made me sad and my partner too. Came back as soon as I stopped that terrible thing😒

Whatever feels normal for the couple is what's normal. I personally wouldn't have enough energy for everyday.

Last week, I read on a reliable source that 50% of couples have sex once a month or less. Just adding: those are couples where both have a job (so, not students etc). Let that sink in. People over report their sex way too much. Also: in the first six month of a relationship you have sex more often.

Oh god really? I hope to god i don’t end up having a relationship like that.

This put the fear of god in me too so I fact checked it haha. Medical News Today, citing the International Study for Sexual Medicine, says 50-55% of both men and women in relationships are at it once a week. Married couples clock in at 55-60%. That puts the average way above once a month and leaves a lot of wiggle room for the 1-7 times a week folks lol. [Source](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/how-often-do-couples-have-sex) That said, to answer *OP's* question, both of y'all's sex drives are completely normal. They just don't align. This can be discussed and worked on, but it's fine for it to be a dealbreaker too.

People in their 20s and 30s are having sex way more often than once a month.

Idk I’m in my 30s and so is my bf, we have sex maybe once a month. Sex isn’t that important to many people.

This is true I couldn’t do 1-2 a week I’d go nuts no pun intended

That's miserable.

He’s got a high sex drive, that’s fine. He wants to initiate everyday, that’s fine. You don’t want to have sex every day, that’s fine. He can masturbate to alleviate his drive in instances you don’t want to have sex. It’s that easy, if he has to have sex everyday and isn’t willing to have anything but that, maybe you’re not the girl for him. Don’t have sex because you feel pressured because you’ll start to resent it, and then him.

By the way, having sex 1-2 times a week is still pretty frequent. Just cause he wants it more doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you, or him. I love sex a lot and could have it every day but I don’t have the energy or time. You aren’t just a piece of meat. You could always compromise… he could get a masturbator there are some nice ones out there he just has to keep it clean a certain way and use only certain kinds of lubes. Your preferred frequencies aren’t super different. You two could probably work something out just know that you don’t have to have sex when you don’t want to, it isn’t his right, it is your body and always will be.

I totally agree. Thoughtful post. I just want to point out that sometimes this goes the other way and my experience is my wife thinks she is not desirable if I am not in the mood. In 2024 being a thoughtful male isn't always repaid. But I remain optimistic. Menopause can come very early in some and in my wife's case she wanted sex DAILY after 20 years of 1-2 × a week. For 15 days multiple times a day actually. I was a piece of meat. I was literally not permitted to say no or ger feelings were crushed. "Oh I'm old. You don't want me anymore etc" meanwhile she's model beautiful in late 40s. I'd have wanted her if I was still 25...I'm fact in that period she had an affair/one night stand ....with a 26 yo that completely steamrolled our marriage. Key to all of this is a LONG VIEW and communication. The shoe can and will be on the other foot in any monogamous LTR of 10+ years.

Well, I hope you know you’re not a piece of meat either just because you are of the opposite sex. Sexual resentment from that kind of treatment or manipulation can be life altering and it can harm people in a deep way. Our sexuality and preferences whatever they may be, are a big part of what makes us feel alive and feel pleasure. Your need for no sex at times is important and should always trump a desire for sex from the other partner. It is your body. I’m sorry you experienced that kind of treatment.

Haha 1-2 times a week is a pretty normal non-asexual sex drive. Every day is also within the realm of normal. It’s not uncommon at all for two people in a relationship to have mismatched sex drives. In my opinion the solution is to compromise, a little more sex than you would want and a little less than he would. Some people say you should try to go up to the amount of sex the higher sex drive person wants, some say to go with the lower person. IMHO the best solution is compromise. You could always break up and try to find someone that better aligns with you as other people have commented, but I think if you can come to a compromise you’re both satisfied with it’s workable.

You’re not asexual, but y’alls sex drive are not compatible with each other. Asexuality, while it is a spectrum, in its most basic form is no desire for sex/no ability to even be turned on. It is very normal for sex to decline after the honeymoon stage - my boyfriend and I went from 2-3x a day, to every other day. It works for us. I have friends who are content with weekly, some monthly, some daily, it’s what works for that specific couple. You need to decide if this is the type of relationship you want to be in, it just doesn’t sound like y’all are compatible.

Hello! Just wanted to clear up for anyone else reading this that that definition of asexuality isn’t correct. It is about attraction, not action - ie an asexual person experiences little-to-no sexual attraction to other people. Their views on the act of sex vary wildly from disliking it to actively liking and pursuing it.

That’s really incredible I did not know that

You're not asexual and he's a dick for saying that. People's sex drives change for a multitude of reasons and those reasons change all the time. You not being in the mood as often now can have numerous causes. Asexuality is not one of them. You can try to determine if you're less attracted to him or less satisfied with the relationship, or if your drive/desire is down due to stress or fatigue, or if you're just not into it because you don't get as much pleasure, or any other factors at play. Are you on any meds? Are you on birth control? Women's hormones fluctuate WAY more than men's due and that is often what's responsible for a decrease in drive/desire. If you really have just settled into not wanting sex more than 1-2 times a week and he wants it daily, this may make you two incompatible, and that's okay.

I am on birth control I’ve been on birth control since the beginning of our relationship. I use the Nexplanon. I would say I’ve been stressed out lately and he has been too. I work full time and he’s a full time student. I think he’s having a hard time understanding why my sex drive has decreased and it’s comforting for him to put a label on it like “asexual” because it’s easier for him to understand.

Your body is changing and the side effects of birth control can change with it. Stress is also a libido killer for many people of all genders. He has zero understanding of asexality or sex in general. Don't make excuses for him. He's blaming you and labeling you as something you're not rather than empathizing and looking at what the actual causes might be----this shows a lack of maturity and compassion on his part.

I didn’t think too much about what was going on, with a young relationship maturing, until you said he was trying to pin you as asexual for not acquiescing every time he wants it. Sex is all about open communication and trying to place blame on someone actively kills open communication. I think the relationship is salvageable by sitting down and trying to have a frank conversation. Not necessarily about setting timelines or expectations for how often intimacy occurs but instead talking through what you’ve both been experiencing. If he keeps trying to frame it as you’ve become “asexual “ that’s a red flag. If he can meet you in understanding where his frustration lies and how you’re been feeling you might have a path forward.

He just has strong feelings for you, he loves you. Maybe try to be intimate in a non-sexual way, this is all normal, it is healthy to have high testosterone as a male; helps you build your body at a fast rate etc. There are plenty of ways to get the oxytocin releases too like cuddling, and doing things that build your connection it can relieve said desires. There is a chemical that is abundant in males called Vasopressin that is produced when trying to solve problems or under stress; this mixed with high levels of testosterone can produce stimulation in the brain so to speak; but it can be cured by "stress relieving activities," such as quality time that makes you feel like the other cares for you and has your back too. Most importantly, that you enjoy what they are doing with their life and that you are proud of their accomplishments. Love is very powerful, and there are a lot of chemical reactions that go on. This boy in his current state could have the ability to do a lot in a short period, this is because in older times men would have to protect what they have built, get over things quickly so they don't die; constantly creating new solutions while the female was closing the loose ends so to speak and holding the fort down. Find out what he likes to do, something that makes him proud and whatnot. Steer the energy so to speak. compliments from someone you love is all you need sometimes, but must have mutual respect as well. Hopefully this makes sense, I have a lot of brain damage so I apologize if it doesn't. Essentially, homie needs some hobbies and you could definitely help him make a successful career with his current mindset.

I remember when I was 18 years old my girlfriend and I were always having sex sometimes three times a day. We both loved each other. We were both into each other both sexually attracted to each other and very open-minded. We both went to college in state and basically see each other during the week and, it happened to us. Does it mean that we love each other even less things start to get away. Like your schoolwork you’re going to college your mind is elsewhere besides him. Your mind is always with him and I’m sure being with him sexually is awesome but now you have the stress of doing your schoolwork and other things. You are not asexual at all. So having sex a couple of times a week is it bad because you have other things going on now. And he hast to understand that and if he doesn’t, then my advice is move on. You wanna be with someone who respects you as a female has respect for your feelings. You are just not a piece of ass. You are just not a place to put his dick in. My advice to you is think about it, but I would move on because he’s pressuring you to have sex and that is not cool.

Again a thoughtful reply but the assumed-chauvinist male parts aren't NECESSARILY fair. I'm also not a pole for my wife to sit on.....but if SHE'S in the mood heaven and earth should come crashing doen b4 i can feel ok saying no. If this relationship lasts 19 years say, at least 3 of those will have her with more drive; around 30 for example can often be peak libido in women and declining in men. I think the only two questions are, was op traumatized as a kid? And is bf a sex addict? If both are no, this is a great opportunity to start learning to communicate on a high level.

Thank you so much. There is so much fighting in here and I appreciate this comment. Very straight forward and isn’t just throwing out “victim” or “he’s an asshole” very refreshing.

It seems as though, all he gives a crap about is his needs, and only his needs, and he is not respecting you as his girlfriend. He’s not respecting your feelings. And I’m sure that there’s tension between you and him and there should not ever be tension. That is what you need to think about, you respect him, why is he not respecting you? You have other things going on that consumes you not just fooling around with him and that is something he cannot understand. You have some thinking to do. If he is pressuring you to have sex , when you are not feeling it, then he is not the right guy because at this point he cares only about one thing only. I wish you the best of luck and if it gets to a point where you may have to leave him? I hope you find a guy that will respect you enough and your feelingsto just do it when it’s not planned. It shouldn’t be like a robot where you guys are just having sex to have sex because it feels good. Please let us know what happens.

Alot to assume. They haven't talked it thru yet. He's young. Loves sex. Loves his gf. Boys have feelings too. I'd be horrified if my wife started this post actually. I'd say why not bring this to me. We can work it out or if we can't than our problem isn't sex differences which will be in all relationships, but communication issues.

I want you to know that my bf and I did talk 4 days before I posted this. I wanted a third party opinion about the situation

Reading your post and then the comments advising to break up shows how fucked up some of the redditors here are. Obviously, there is more to your relationship than just sex. Its really normal that women tone down the sexdrive later in a relationship and usually the men want just as much. Its pretty natural and thousands of couples go through what youre experiencing. Remember that the two of you are also very young. I recommend having a chat to eachother about it and explain the expectations to eachother. Focus on what really matters and above all, please ignore the gurus here that just yell break up. Thats not solving anything, just running away and very likely into the same problem all over again. Hope that helps.

It would be normal if fall weren't so young. I was having sex twice a day into my 30s. Now just once a day at 40 years old

Encourage him to take care of his own needs until you two do the deed again. Happy couples understand the other's perspective. Or break up because reddit said so, your choice.

Sex drives between a couple very very rarely line up. There is no normal, so neither of you are abnormal. As long as you know to only have sex when you both explicitly consent, this kind of thing can only be dealt with through communication and as an individual journey.

There is no normal in sex. Only what each individual person wants. You two are not compatible. Personally I want it several times a day every day. And that’s important to me. So I won’t date a man that doesn’t also want this.

The problem is we love each other so much. Outside of our sex life we are super compatible and have zero issues. We really want to make this work and continue being together. I can’t see my life without him.

I'll say this. The " break up you're not compatible" people are jumping the gun. But they're also speaking from a bit of truth. Sexual drive incompatibility CAN be a deal breaker. Even in otherwise great relationships. But it doesn't have to be, and also you both are young enough where it will change for both of you. Many high libido people would kill for a partner who wants sex twice a week. Those are still respectable numbers. And some people go their whole life never having sex more than once a week and often going even more time without. I would consider my gf and I high libido, but we live apart so we tend to have sex every night we're together. Usually 3-4 nights a week. And on days off we usually have sex again... but sometimes we skip a night or even two. As much as we both want it, we are also sometimes tired or stressed, etc and understand it doesn't always have to happen. The number one thing is communication, understanding, and the goal to be good for each other. Your bf needs to grow up and understand that thinking sex twice a week makes you asexual is an INSANE thing to think. He won't be able to come to the table with you and understand if he has extreme thoughts like that.

Love is not enough. You will end up resenting each other because of this incompatibility with sex and you dont want that. edit: good lawd, stop saying its shallow to consider sex as an important aspect in a relationship. IT IS and if you keep thinking otherwise, go to the sub DeadBedrooms here on reddit and have a read at some of people's post over there!

Ohh please, horrid advice. You mean a relationship based on sex is what needed? That is shallow.

Number 1 component of keeping a relationship alive is sex sounds weird but it is scientifically proven that more sex leads to better relationships, communication and emotional connection

this advise is based on what OP posted, not everyone's relationship. search up the sub DeadBedrooms here on reddit and tell me I'm shallow for giving this advise There is more to sex than just the physical part - theres intimacy, connections and trust that comes with seggs.

On DeadBedrooms, you’ll find couples having sex 1-2 times per YEAR.. not whining about 1-2 times per WEEK. Or couples who have gone multiple years with literally no sex at all. 1-2 times per week is NOT a dead bedroom. 1-2 times per week is nooormal. Sexual incompatibility, in this case, maybe, sure! But 99% of people on DeadBedrooms would be, like.. ecstatic to have 1-2 times per week. I don’t think that sub is the right direction to point OP towards.

I'm not pointing it to OP, I'm pointing it to the people that replied to my original comment. Alot of them are saying that its shallow to consider sex as a big factor in a relationship...

Agree 100%. Love is not enough. You need compatibility, compromise, and I could go on and on.

I think people give bad advice around sex frequency. Part of a good relationship is having good sex, and that means finding a happy medium between his libido and yours. That will always involve some form of compromise. Later in life people can get sick, or go thru stress or have children or get on meds and libidos can change. People reddit think it's just perfect or discard it, and that's such a weird way to view a good loving relationship. But it means actively doing stuff to adjust libido if things get unbalanced. If stress is an issue, then working on that. Same thing for meds or hormone levels, etc. Or figuring out ways to get in the mood or make things special, or sometimes oral or quickies. There isn't a "normal", just happy couples and less happy couple. The important thing is for you to figure out why it feels like a chore. Because he might make changes to make things better for you. That's a huge change from banging like bunnies 1-2 a day for a year to 1-2 a week.

Your choices are just do it because you love him, encourage him to take things into his own hands, or break up. That's it. There is nothing magical anyone can tell you to reduce a young man's libido. No magical 4th option. Anyone telling you to take mood enhancers is leaving out that it's just a short term solution, they stop working. Telling him to deal with it just buries animosity till it ruins your relationship. Letting him have a side chick is doomed to wreck things too. Take up crosstitch while he pumps one into you, let him rub one out, or break up.

Don't listen to them, they are jerks who have delusional standards or just straight up trying to ruin your relationship.

Jesus Christ fuck these comments. The No_Set guy has great advice. Know that most of this sub has never been in a serious long term relationship before and their advice is regurgitated from online BS. This does NOT mean that you aren’t compatible. It does not mean that it’s not workable. I have a similar dynamic with my gf of 3 years and I am happy in our relationship now. Went from often sex in honeymoon, declined, now much better and I’m happy. It took a LOT of serious conversations and expectation-setting.. which is what any person should be willing to go through because it’s hard to lose a partner. There’s no reason to give up now. The “compromise” we came up with was based on her libido not being as high as mine. I specifically wanted sex more. She supplements that with more frequent blowjobs, handjobs, other sexual acts, and in general physical intimacy. I’m happy now. I would not be happy if sex was 1-2x a month which it was previously and I told her that and that is what we came up with. For me and most, actual penetrative sex does not have to happen 365 days a year. It took a lot of introspection from both of us but we are very happy now compared to what it was when it lulled. Have relationship check ins on physical intimacy and sex at least twice a month. Ask how the frequency is for him and tell him how you feel about everything. Please, please, please disregard the stupid ass break up with him comments.

He will look elsewhere his needs not being met he needs to be happy let him go

I wish I could find a girl who wants it that often lol. Most guys would die for that. The most important thing to me is a loving relationship though.

Sex is not the only thing I’m looking for from a partner. But it’s not something I’m willing to sacrifice for

Personally I’ve yet to find a man who matches my sex drive. They all say they do at first, then eventually it goes from twice a day to twice a week and it drives me CRAZY. At this point I’m just trying to find ways to kill my sex drive because I can’t seem to find partners who are sexually compatible

i would if i could

I sure as fuck wish it was

When you’re a 19 year old man all you think about is sex

You are normal and he is normal. Healthy men want sex all the time. Healthy women want sex 1 to 2 times a week. Young men go crazy if they haven’t had sex in a few months. Men have to masturbate, or have sex. The military knew this and passed out condoms and allowed prostitutes when soldiers went on leave. Some women can go years without sex, even thinking about it. As you age, your sexual desires may diminish. Your future husband or boyfriend unless he is unhealthy, will not lose his sex drive.

My partner (NB28) and a I (F25) had a very similar start. We started really hot, really fast, quite often. We have our dry spells. This might just be that. Sex is different and varies for each person and relationship. Communicate first. Then weigh the options.

When I was that age I mightve even got tired of having sex every day. Not to mention sore!! Like the chafing eventually and you have your period too... It's kind of overkill. Unfortunately guys that age often have neverending sex drives. I can't say how to solve this issue - he's frustrated and you shouldn't feel forced for intimacy. Maybe seek out advice from a sex therapist. Otherwise you might have to accept he'll want to breakup and find a partner that will match up his sex drive. Don't feel bad about not wanting it the same rate. These things happen and it's nobody's fault. Incompatibility in an otherwise decent relationship sucks. You're both young and need to explore what you need in a partnership still

Having different libidos is very normal, especially as you get to around that stage of the relationship when the initial sex-craze kinda wears off for various reasons. For him it’s likely that he just has a very high libido rather than him being stuck in that craze or anything, while your libido is decently lower. There’s nothing wrong with either of you, but having that gap makes it difficult for both people since one person likely feels unsatisfied and the other may feel pressured or guilty. Its best to talk about it and try find a compromise if you’re willing to make one, find a way for him to relieve himself without sex most likely, and maybe trying to reignite whatever made you feel interested in sex so often during the initial stages of the relationship. If you can’t find a way for both people to be satisfied with the amount of sex, or if you feel you’re pushing yourself and it’s become a chore, or he’s holding back and having to restrain himself greatly then it may be best to consider the fact that your libidos aren’t compatible and that maybe that incompatibility puts too much of a strain on the relationship. In which case, maybe break up since that feeling of dissatisfaction won’t simply go away.

It's normal for sex frequency to decline over time, life happens. I believe the number of times is very different for each couple as everyone's circumstances are different. In your situation I would try and compromise, meet each other half way. Maybe sometimes it doesn't have to be a long session, have a "quicky" to the day going. Try taking turns on who initiates, you don't want to leave that always up to him. Tell him what turns you on so it's easier to get in the mood. But yeah, boils down to compromise I would say, find a middle ground that works for both of you.

You need to decide what’s best for you and set a boundary. Tell him you only want to have sex 1-2 times per week because you want it to be special. That’s all you have to say. If he has a problem with it, tough shit. Stick to what you want. It will be an adjustment for him because he was used to getting it every day. But he will either have to adjust or move on.

Testosterone can be a MF in the teenage years, he won’t be like that forever.

He has to respect your boundaries. It doesn't matter if he wants sex every day. You do the amount of it you're comfortable with and if he doesn't respect that then he isn't respecting you, in which case dump him.

There’s nothing wrong with having sex every day, but it may get boring. Keep strong communication with your partner so that you both understand where you guys are coming from. Sex should be exciting for both people in a relationship.

At 18-19? He wants sex 4 times a day of possible.

like I said that was basically what we did in the beginning but we have been together for a long time and have gotten out of that honeymoon phase, or at least I did.

Sex isn’t supposed to be a chore or something that someone should be saying they need x amount of times a week. That’s gross and makes it seem like he doesn’t respect you if he thinks he can say that to you. There isn’t really a “normal” but if he’s that sex starved, he has a hand. He doesn’t need to be trying to get you to do something you’re not into doing that often. These comments are not it.

Jfc the comments here are so fucking absurd. It’s pretty normal for sex to taper off after 1.5 years. I don’t necessarily think that means you’re incompatible, especially because he’s a young man, but he’ll probably jerk off instead. I do think if you make time to feel nice - get dressed up, put on makeup or whatever makes you feel sexy, you can turn yourself on a bit. Find out what turns you on, explore new things, masturbate, buy some sex toys, try them together and have fun.

Thank you I agree and him and I have been doing a lot better and have actually been having sex every other day! It’s been enjoyable for the both of us and our relationship is getting better. Just wanted some extra opinions on the matter

If your energy matches, why wouldn't you make it a normal, everyday thing for yourselves? I wouldn't feel any guilt about it if I were you. Just enjoy it. 👍

Y'all are going to have to have a compromise. Y'all fundamentally have incompatible sex drives. If either one you 100% fell into the other's standard for sex, resentment will grow. Personally, there's absolutely no way I could agree to having sex 1 to 2 times a week. A compromise would have to be made, or the relationship will have to be over. Life is short. I'm getting it on. Lol My advice, you up your number, and have him lower his number and meet in the middle. See how that goes, and give it a shot. If you find out that doesn't work for one or both of you, at least y'all tried.

He is 19, testosterone is at its peak!

Been in a relationship for 9 years. We could go months without. We still love eachother but schedules are so different we have one kid now and just don’t have the time to do it all the time like in the beginning of our relationship. I think it’s very normal to not do it everyday

Yes

It’s normal to have periods of hyper sexuality and periods of just not feeling it; stress, hormones and energy levels can cause fluctuations in what you normally experience. It’s also normal for a male to have a higher sex drive in their later teens and 20s while women usually experience a higher sex drive later in life (30s to 40s), it’s all about communicating what you want and how you expect them to respect the choice you make even if it’s one that disappoints them in the moment; he shouldn’t have to try convince you to have sex when you have made it clear you aren’t up for it. If he is that desperate to get his rocks off he can DIY it, maybe get him a flashlight and give it to him whenever you aren’t in the mood but he attempts to bring you to that mood.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. It is a second marriage for both of us as both of our previous spouses are deceased. We are 65 and 69 and we have sex every day but it's because we both WANT to have sex every day. Sex is something you negotiate if you have different needs for intimacy. My husband and I share the same love language, physical touch. If you genuinely care about one another, there will always be a way to bridge differences.

It’s normal and can be fun in my opinion to have sex everyday for a season. It’s not sustainable though. Find your rhythm with your man. He is always going to want it more than you. My experience- I realize I like sex a minimum of 3x’s week. I can go 4 and still be into it with help. Like he gets me going and stuff. 5 x’s and I’m just going through the motions. That’s when it can be a quickie. I like to provide sex for my guy because I find it satisfying to give that release. I’m pleasured almost every time, so giving it to him so he can have pleasure is rewarding, and I usually find pleasure myself by doing that.

As a married man who has had sex once in 3 years, (thanks, Zoloft™) that guy doesn't know what "asexual" is.  Personal opinion, 1-2 a week is def normal. Most couples I know, before kids, were in that frequency and even down to 1-2 times a month.  Asexual is having 0 drive or desire for it. You still seem to have a normal libido. So def not asexual. My wife had a low sex drive before kids and an almost non-existent one after kids. Which a decrease is common after that, as I understand it. Also, post-partum depression plus a Zoloft prescription ruins whatever is left. So... yay for me. The guy should be happy with what he's got! 

All I can tell You (I am in the process of divorce after a 22 year long union) is that the moment sex life dies, everything else follows. At the same time, having it twice a day for an extended period of time will lead to exhaustion. The two extremes are now in front of you. Women can be fine without it for longer periods of time than men is another thing I have learned. Now You have a dilemma of finding a golden middle in all of it. It will ideally take the two of you to do just that. And as much as it may seem simple, this is the one most difficult thing to reach. I say that with all conviction, based on heavy reflection and hindsight I have sat myself through my current situation. As with everything: a balance is a pathway to sustained happiness. Men, especially Young ones, are cavemen. They need to have things spelled out to them. This is where communication comes in. That is yet another layer of challenge to any healthy relationship. A wise woman will not expect her caveman guy to read smoke signals. Most of us, unless fully mature (intellectually, physically, emotionally, etc.: that is a LOT!) will miss important signs. A woman, who knows how to guide her man has the best chance of optimizing this, as long as the man is NOT too dense to know, he too needs to follow the lead. The same is true in reverse: the woman needs to follow his lead too at time. To sum it up: an “ideal pair” (if such a thing even exists) knows how to take over in turns and how to keep things balanced out. It is not impossible. I see oldest of all farts holding hands with their shrunken, hunched over lady counterparts, with detectable sparks in their eyes. And I know, they did not get there by just being with one another, but by independently recognizing that it all takes work. Hard effing and consistent effing work, equivalent of clockwork maintenance and communication, which is offered, compromised upon, and maintained without extended gaps. I wish You all the best. As I have effed up and so did my other part.

I fathom why old ass men are commenting to a 18year old. Just be careful. Enjoy alone time with safe boys your age. You shouldn’t be speaking to Reddit about sex if youre truly the age posted.

It just depends on the individual. I can have sex everyday if I wanted, but I don’t need it. Everyone is different. Just do you!

It's fine to have have sex once to twice a week. Just tell him he can master bate when you're not in the mood. Perhaps, if his drive is so high a toy may help with in-between when you're not in the mood. There are also different kinds of sex. Stress effects everyone and could affect yours and his sex drive. But if you want it like a twice a week and he wants it everyday then from my opinion is him masterabting and/ or using a toy whe you're not for it. Not really a big deal just communication , understanding and boundaries.

I wish it were normal to have sex every day. But it all depends on many things 1st being safety and comfort, then 2nd is happiness for both of you this is important safety includes sleep and good diet happiness is diet and exercise comfort is consistency and reliability of those being maintained. So if these are all good yeah sex drive comes naturally since the spiritual realms would wanna be born in happier places to happier peoples lol makes sense to me I wouldn't want to be born to a warlord.

Your feelings are valid just as well as his and sexual compatibility is a thing you’d have to look deeper look to spend more time together being a couple not just two collage goers life doesn’t get you in the way but I-2 a week is pretty low standards or not you shouldn’t base standards on your man all people are different also sex shouldn’t be a chore I feel you on that but Maby just have more romance or time together

If he is trying to diagnose you as asexual than that is a problem. It is pretty normal for a man to want to have a lot more sex than a woman. You should not feel pressured though nor should he pressure you

For some yes, for many no!

It is normal to have sex when you want to have sex. There is NO normal amount of times because that's different for everyone. He may want if every other day and tell you that as if that is supposed to be a reason FOR YOU to do it every other day, but of course, it's not. Because YOU don't want to do it every day. And nothing makes you resent sex more than do it just because somebody else wants it. If it's against your will, you will resent the sex and him. And he will resent you for not having sex enough. Matching sexdrives IS very important. But doing it against your will or pressuring someone for it are both very counterproductive. Communication is key. Sometimes the time of the day or the time of the act itself can make a difference in wants. ( for instance, an example of this could be: a person doesn't want to do it every other day for an hour long in the morning but would like 15 minutes in the evening ) If sex drives are too different breaking up may be the only solution.

Some people have a high sex drive, and others don't. It's just how it is.

2 things. I have alot of experience on BOTH sides of this coin. 1) without ALWAYS agreeing, try to have some gratitude and latitude because you won't ALWAYS be 19. There are some positive and lovely elememts to being DESIRED. TRY to appreciate that. Ask him if he's willing to also commit to having sex with you when HE doesn't feel it so much. Might actually be an issue some time. Stay with ANYONE long enough and the sec drives will go back and forth . 2) more importantly remember that sex is not about being in the mood. No 2 people have IDENTICAL drive after the bonding period, the very beginning. It's about a willingness to GET in the mood. Also an expression of love for your partner and part of that is GIVING pleasure. Not all but part. Otherwise oral sex would not be a thing. Sex prolly shouldn't have to be every Night. But it could be. Think about a good compromise for now. Amd think about how you feel ONCE you are,having sex. Do you like it still? Do you feel safe. Do you like being " turned on" to the point of sex being something you want despite not initially wanting it....because this is a relationship...not a date. If you feel it's a chore even after you are doing it you are not doing him any favors by not opening the conversation and by doing something you don't want to do. This is a nuanced issue and your backgrounds may come into play also. So talk to HIM now..... this was a good first step. Try to make a plan together you can both honor. If you cannot then you might have a partner but you'll know you have major communication issues. Best of luck.

It’s pretty normal to be having sex less at that point in the relationship. As others have said, every day stress of ur responsibilities growing as u get older definitely effects ur sex drive.. But for what I know these days, I would also maybe think about dropping the birth control. I know that may seem drastic, but I have just talked to soo many girls who had terrible issues with it. Low sex drive is a bad side effect, but worse are the effects of long term use on ur body and hormones. Lots of girls end up struggling to conceive or never being able to when the time comes for a family because they have been on birth control for years. Just have to be much more careful about things. Track ur cycle. Condoms… I’ll be called crazy for saying it in this modern liberation world we live in now, but if in ur mind you would never want this man to be the father of ur kids, then that should tell you everything you needed to know anyway.. birth control is convenient now.. but look into the problems women are starting to realize they are having from prior use and make ur own choice.. sorry for the long answer, but as far as breaking up over this.. people are crazy. If everything else is perfect 2+ years in besides ur sex drive slipping a little.. then you guys will work it out. Single people that say “break up” immediately are subconsciously wanting to pull you down to where they are. Work it out if possible and be happy. Wish yall the best!

I understand sex is important for intimacy but there are so many other ways to have intimacy, whether it's foreplay, cuddling, making out, outer sex, spending time together, etc. Just because you have hormonal urges does not mean you have to coerce or guilt trip someone into not having sex on demand. I have a high drive at times but it would be shitty of me to expect a living human with feelings who's not just a body to me to give their body to me when I want it every time. We are busy adults too. It's not practical to expect sex everyday. Hormones or not. And it's not a survival need to have sex. It's a want. Humans will literally survive without sex (a thing called masturbate). Communicate with him and figure out a compromise but do NOT let him coerce you into sex. Don't break up just because of this issue unless all attempts of communicating and fixing it never work. Also, 1-2 times a week is literally normal, according to statistics.

Are you joking? U are teens so just exploring and at the jolt of it. Imagine 1st time ever eating ice cream?

You feel like he “needs” you which is a maternal feeling. He needs other venues in life that he finds fulfillment and other friends that can emotionally support him so it doesn’t all fall on you. You need to feel like he desires you and vice versa

I feel like if you don’t like it then stop doing it so much . If you like it then do you on that.

I wish I had sex 1-2 a week. 25 and still virgin.

It is for some, however finding someone with the same sex drive can be challenging. If he keeps pushing/demanding sex then I don’t see this relationship lasting long. He needs to think about your needs as well.

I understand where you are coming from and I think it is just fine that you only want to have sex 1-2 times a week. What I think is that he has a high sex drive and the two of you are just not compatible in this realm. He wants more sex than you do...but you don't want it to feel like its a chore. You two are both sooo young to be just with each other in a relationship. In my experience if there is a problem in the bedroom, that is going to infect the entire relationship. The reality is that the two of you are going to end up resenting each other as you will feel put out if you acquiese to his wishes and he will if he can't have sex everyday. He could always just jerk off instead, but it doesn't seem like he will want to do that. My advice to you is to give serious consideration to ending this relationship and going it alone for awhile and then finding someone with whom you mesh better in this regard. That's my take on your situation.

Your boyfriend needs to get over it. You're both progressing in your lives outside of your relationship, and it's starting to get more tiring as time goes on. You're free to curb the sex. Don't make it a once every few months type of deal, but twice a day is borderline impossible for people with responsibilities. You're not asexual. You're just tired.

I keep reading the average is 1-2 times a week. I’m fairly sure this is not the average for most 19 year olds in a committed sexual relationship. I would say it’s more normal that a 19 year old male would want sex every day. But possibly be satisfied with 2-3 times a week.

Do you guys even see each other every other day? Are you living together? It’s not realistic to have sex every single time you two are together. I also think it’s a bit rude of him to say he thinks you’re aesexual bc you don’t want have sex daily, as if you don’t have sex at all. You two already have sex often, of course you aren’t asexual! I think you should put your foot down and set a firm boundary. Make it clear that’s not what you want and tell him to quit asking (so often). Or, it’s okay for him to ask you whenever, but he needs to be perfectly okay with you saying no. Whining about it or coercing is totally unacceptable. You could also suggest he starts waiting for you to initiate. That way there is no question whether you’d like to have it that day. He also needs to understand that him constantly asking makes you less interested, it’s less exciting- like a chore as you said. Express that you think sex should be intimate and occasional because it is an opportunity for connection.

My bf would think it is

When you are 18 it isn’t unusual to go daily.

It’s very subjective. I was 19-22 having sex 2-3x a day bc my partner & I both had very high sex drives. Now at 26 my sex drive hasn’t changed, but my availability to do that has dropped drastically. However I’ve been with partners who were okay with once a week, which wasn’t okay with me & was an incompatibility for me.

Hello! Have you tried talking to him about it? Like, take the time to sit and talk about how you feel about it so you guys can compromise.

What you wrote dosen't suggest you're asexual. He is a young guy so his sex drive will be off the charts. Once or twice a week on average is pretty good tbh, if y'all only had sex once or twice a month (or even less), that could be a bad sign (doesn't have to be though, life is hard and especially if one has kids etc. having Energy for bedroom fun becomes less of a given). If you find it becoming a dead bedroom situation or that you're not enjoying sex, it might be because the relationship is getting "boring". There is bad boring (he doesn't take you out on dates or do romantic things anymore) and good boring (it is a healthy relationship and he isn't being toxic/cheating/ignoring you so there's less toxic "excitement"). If it gets to the point of bad boring I suggest having a conversation with him about spicing up the relationship again with some romance. If it's good boring, I would suggest you accept your good luck. Because quite frankly chasing the excitement of new and/or toxic experiences usually ends in being sad, lonely, or hurt.

This is different from couple to couple. For example me and my fiancee are still having sex 3 to 5 times a day while we're both studying (I'm studying law and she's studying programming) and we can get through every task we have. We are not doing much besides these 2 but we're very happy together

In the broad sense men usually have a higher sex drive than women, it's just how men and women are wired. There's nothing wrong with him, nothing wrong with you. As always, the best advice here is talk it out. Your body your choice. If he respects your choice he'll be fine and all will be well(just know that he will still make advances), if he's a little boy that's in it for the sex you'll know soon enough.

I think it’s a matter of compatibility, so yes, to be frank, it is normal for some people to have a higher sex drive than other people. And you are not asexual either, because asexuals have no interest in sex and do not enjoy it. I think there’s just a minor compatibility issue, where he has a higher sex drive, while you prefer to play out things more slowly. I think you guys should talk about it and whether you can make this work somehow or not. If he wants to find someone more compatible with his kind of preferences even after having these conversations, then there’s your answer. But if he believes his love for you is more important than sex everyday, then that’s great!

I’m ( M 33) the same with your Bf, and my wife ( F 34) , is the same with you. We are married for about 8 years now. After the first year , her Sex drive went wayyyy down. But mine didn’t. So keep patience for when we can actually have sex , and don’t bore her too much. Sometimes I can see in her face that she takes it as a chore , when I see it, it really puts me off, but after a week of not doing it , that sadness goes away. I love my wife 100% and although the thought of having Sex with other girls do come to my mind often, but so far I have successfully pushed those thoughts out. The risk of losing her is way more painful then 5 mins of happiness. So what I’m trying to say is , in the long run , for Men maybe it gets easy to control our urges , but it’s very difficult at our early twenties.

Something to be aware of on this topic, I was listening to a psychologist explain recently how when you get the sense that your partner needs it rather than wants you, you start to turn into accepting because you know they need it. But satisfying needs rather than being desired is the ecperience women have when they say they feel like a mother rather than partner

It’s absolutely normal for him, and as others have said if you are on birth control your libido gets affected by this. To decline a man consistently also affects him. Not saying you should do it if you really don’t want to, but bear in mind if he’s communicating to you this this is important (again, biology takes place here) and you constantly decline him then that’s not good, and that’s on you I’m afraid with the greatest respect of course. You won’t leave him and think ‘I’ll decide’ with someone else because the cycle will repeat, especially at your age. One thing I will say, never take advice from a woman for dating advice as for the most part they don’t have your best interest at heart ESPECIALLY on the internet where they can comment none-sense and walk away wiping their hands whilst smirking; and make emotional decisions rather than logical, real world ones. No_set has a good response to you on this, I’d take his advice.

In my opinion, In general every relationship depends on sexual connection I cannot see it as loyal relationship at all, yes I know sex is important in a relationship but it should be in normal rate or not even important simply bcuz i'm in love with that person, always see your lover as a real friend not a machine with full of my respect to u guys. it is okay take your time thinking about it, do not pressure yourself & try not be aggressive about it. have a good day!

You are normal. Whatever you next steps are..... please don't feel pressured to meet his sex drive. Please only have sex when you feel comfortable. He doesn't get to call you asexual because he wants to get his dick wet everyday. That's disrespectful and invalidating of your needs and wants. Please prioritize your health, safety, and wellbeing.  I say this because his behavior already indicates he doesn't care that you don't want to have sex everyday. If he keeps pushing, you need to be ready to walk away. I'd hate for your relationship with sex to be impacted by your boyfriends inability to prioritize your boundary, and he may not be emotionally mature enough to accept that he can't always gets his way. 

You need to work out a compromise but no sulking. If you agree to more than currently but less than before, you should not view this as a chore but should participate willingly and enthusiastically. He should not get upset at not having sex every day. Short of such a compromise, this will erode your marriage until it becomes irreparable.

If both partners have a high drive and time for it then yes or even multiple times a day. Quite often this isn't the case and one or both has a low drive which makes less frequent normal. Then you add in stress, emotional happenings, being tired, etc. Which can change it even more. There is no real standard for normal tbh, each couple has their own rhythm. Just sit down and talk with him. Find a way to make a compromise that suits you both, both being the important part. One of the most important aspects of any successful relationship is always openness and honesty in your communication. There are many ways to go about your problem you just have to find what works for both of you. Tbh all long term relationships tend to have sexual high and low points in my experience, you may go back to wanting it more frequently or him less. Work together to find your balance, be open about how you feel even if you think it sounds sappy or stupid(it will sometimes but even that can make a relationship stronger) and ask him to do the same.

There is no “normal” amount. You decide yourself how much is too much or too little for you. Same with your bf. Communicate together and set a number of times for sex that satisfies both of you. (Example: once every two days).

Yes

When I was your age it was at least once a day. After that in my twenties and thirties it went to 4-6 times a week and then in my late 40s now 50s it is 2-4 times a week, but my early years frequency might not be common. I was accused of being a nympho and most people have told me 1-3 times a week is normal in long term relationships

Sex everyday is great, but communication with a partner is the solution

Communication is the key. If you both love each other dearly, which i believe you guys do, there is nothing to be worried. You and your partner should sit down and talk this through. There could be several ways that would work for both of you. Some weeks, you guys can take it slow and some weeks could be all about this. Talk to him and tell him how you feel about it. He will understand.

The only thing I’ll say is it’s weird that he said maybe you’re asexual when you DO still have and enjoy sex with him. Also don’t google what “normal sex activity” is people are wildly different, there isn’t a normal. Having a high sex drive isn’t bad same with a low sex drive, but I don’t think he’s treating it like a chore either. Some people are just incompatible on those things and if you do talk about it and it’s something that he values DONT make yourself uncomfortable to fill that need for him, especially with sex. It will be better to break things off in that case imo

Absolutely, being in college and stress and being tired is a huge factor and a couple of times a week is normal. He’s 19 and his hormones are off the charts lol for now also normal. Hard situation lol.

No it's not normal. Both of you shouldn't think you have to do this for him like you're some kind of sex worker. Most men in that age have no (regular) sex at all.

Its better, then life without sex for 2 years

Most 19 year old boys want to have sex every day if they can.

Honeymoon stage is always fun but never last

1. “Normal” is a spectrum 2. Communication above ALL is important, talk about your needs and (can’t believe I’m going to say this) DONT DO WHATEVER IS YOUR RED LINE 🙄🤦🏾‍♀️ 3. Men ESPECIALLY between ages of 15-55 WILL FUCK ANYTHING, ANYTIME, & ANYWHERE if it was legitimately possible- in a relationship or not. That alone reinforces #1 and #2. Good luck and good night

I wish I had sex everyday, nothing beats morning sex! Talk to your BF about it I reckon, but if I had it my way, I'd like to have sex at least twice a day. Maybe more depending on my partner. 🤷

I'm a 35f with a 38m going on 4 years and we have sex almost everyday bc I want it. My boyfriend would be happy and is happy with 1-2 times a week. I think it depends on your relationship. He shouldn't guilt you into having it if you're not in the mood tho

I think it’s normal for men and women to have different sex drives. You may even find that the roles reverse in your late 20s or 30s. Having sex daily or every few days or even every other week is normal for different people. I have been in relationships where we would go through phases, we might have sex every day for 10 days then only do it every few days and then maybe not have sex at all for 10 days, and then start the cycle over in some different order. I personally try to make myself physically available for my partner, even when I’m not particularly in the mood and here’s why. Physical intimacy is the only thing that a partner cannot find somewhere else, it would be perfectly normal for a person at work to provide me words of affirmation or acts of service, but physical intimacy can only come from the person that I am in a romantic relationship with. This should not cause a person to feel obligated but, perhaps it will give you a frame of reference. Most religious text, even have passages, encouraging partners to make themselves physically available to their spouse.

Sex everyday???.....God Bless you. High five 🙌

Talk about it with him try to figure something out

The answer to that question is as varied as people. But I think just about everyone probably has less sex as relationships get out of the very early phases.

You're both young, it's something to discuss and if he can't respect you enough once you have a discussion that's when you decide if it's time to move on. When you're in a long term relationship sex normally does die off for a while maybe do some date nights and see if that helps your wanting of sex doesn't mean you're asexual or not attracted to him. In one of my relationships I had stopped having sex for a while. ND wasn't much in the moods due to other personal things but things then picked up again. In the start of relationships it's very honey moon phase, obviousky you can get back into that phase. Break up without discussion is silly if you know eo well ND trust is there and there isn't any toxicity. Talk to him and plan something that works for both of you b4 going straight to oh can't work bcoz of one thing

It’s definitely normal for many people. I’m a 50 year old woman and prefer sex, at least, every other day! I’ve always had a high libido, though.

Also, there other methods of getting off, even with you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be traditional intercourse every time. Use your imagination😊

At 18 several times a day and every day would not have been enough for me.

Before I got married, I was like, YES! I GET to plow this chick whenever I want, whatever time I want, and so on. Turns out, that's how it is at the beginning of every relationship. as time goes on, you both generally become less and less interested and at a certain point, you'll feel like it's becoming a chore. It's not a bad thing in anyway, but that's generally how life goes and 100% normal.

Yeah its normal til you get married, then it all goes away lol.

First off, I'm happy for the both of you. In some limited sense your problem is a problem of riches. A honeymoon phase is normal as is the cadence that follows it. The heady cocktail of hormones that drove you together has achieved its bonding; and unless you want to burn a hole in your heads, the body has necessarily built up resistance to it, just like with alcohol or any inebriating substance. Unless your bf wishes to curse his relationships to failure, he'd best make his peace with this fact amd learn.it now in the example of you (and I hope that leads to a transition to LTR between you). But it needn't be a death knell to your relationship that this has happened. Quite the contrary, now the real work of the relationship begins. Just like with anything else you want to get good at in life, you both have to put your hours into relationship-building. This is the noble work supposed to be done in marriages, too. At your ages, 1-3 times per week is a healthy lower range goal to work toward. Anything above that is bonus and applause from this reader. (The hours put in can be all clothes-on time btw. I just meant stuff that builds your deepening love for each other so the accommodating each other's needs is easier.) Don't rule out dopamine addiction on his part. His drive could be coming from an unhealthy place, i.e. an unhealthy imposition on you. But by the same coin don't blow off his expectations, either. A relationship = compromise is a cliche for a reason. You've got decisions to make, but they're potentially great ones. I wonder how he'd respond to this advice? Again, I'm happy for you both.

Ok so when I dated one of my exes, this was during the pandemic. I worked remotely and he worked nights. So our working schedule compatibility was perfectly aligned, where we were able to consistently have sex, if not every day, it was every 1-2 days, on average. It was only when things got super stressful for my work, where I could only do it maybe 1-2 times per week. >He told me he wants to have sex at least once every other day. Is that normal? It's not really about "normal" but more about what is within your bandwidth. It seems like he's not really fully understanding all the other factors in life that contributes to affecting your libido such as: - work and stress from that - school and stress from that - other personal life things that can also be negatively impacting you >I’m okay with just having sex 1-2 times a week and from my research that’s the normal sex activity for most couples. He thinks I may be asexual but I don’t think so, I think I’m just okay with not being as sexually active. I don’t really want to have sex everyday or every other day. I want it to be special not a chore you know?? You need to sit him down and really explain that it sounds like how he chooses to manage the balance between work, life and personal seems to be going really well for him, but your approach to yours is not as great as his, and thus, affecting your libido. This is how you're managing your work life balance, which has now affected your libido. Usually, if a person is generally pretty happy and healthy in their work life balance, they are also content with desires like sex. Even so, that sort of thing can change. Your boyfriend needs to recognize the reality of being an adult. Not a lot of people are willing to fuck that often, and both of you had the special privileges of being able to do so for so long. In the end, it's a work/school schedule compatibility and stress management compatibility aspect. I'd try approaching the subject with him like this: "Haven't you noticed that when I'm extra stressed from school, I end up not being in the mood?" And talk about the stress management compatibility between the two of you And if he asks what he can do to help with your stress as a partner, then give him some ideas. I know when I was stressed, my partner would help make me coffee the way I like it, as an extra little thing. Or when I'm done with a mentally taxing meeting, I'd ask him for a snuggle. Honestly, a great boyfriend would pick up the little things and always wanna boost your day, make your day, you know, make you happy. And a side effect of that, is well, consistent sex. So I feel like he needs to stop acting like you're hurting him, and he needs to start recognizing what he can do to help you with your stress and remember that the main focus on the relationship, is literally making each other happy *romantically* And then everything else should be able to fall into place

No you’re not asexual. He’s just 19, he is full of hormones. Tell him to chill out a bit

Well the first issue I see here is that all you're thinking about is your needs and not his. Towards the end of your paragraph it's all I, I, I. First off you should have an open communication with him about this and you guys need to find a solution that's acceptable by the two of you. A relationship is a two way thing and both of you have to make compromises. Both parties in a relationship have to make concessions in life. Even though it's normal to have less sex drive further down the line when you're in a relationship, I'd question why at your age your sex drive went down so drastically. I'm not saying there is a problem, just saying you should ask yourself the real reasons behind that. Everyday chores, school and work are not real reasons, these are reasons we give because they're convenient. To me all this would've sounded normal if you guys were like 50 yo, but you're 20. And being 20 and already talking about how the honeymoon phase is over is questionable.

Try soft gentle massage on the “off” days. Might work to fill those needs for the comfort, support and loving tenderness we all crave. I have always wanted more frequent sex than my partner, but gentle caressing helps me get what I desire. Both in giving and receiving the caring touches.

Both are normal. Just never do it because you “felt bad”, I think that will only make you feel worse. If he has a problem with when you are/aren’t comfortable then that is something he needs to work on, not you. Libido changes, it just may pick back up for you, but it shouldn’t feel forced.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with the both of you I think that you both just have different amounts of libido and that perfectly ok. I think that you should sit down and talk to him directly so that you don’t get overwhelmed and start feeling like you ain’t looking forward to sex to have a good connection with sex, and who knows this might make him understand that you feel pressured and give more a positive outlook on sex!!

I think you should communicate this exact feeling to him and then come to a compromise if you love him . He originally wanted every day and tried to help the situation by saying he’d go for every other day because it seems he cares how you feel. I can’t make a decision for you , but I think a healthy compromise would be 3 times a week . I think he’ll be happy and you can accommodate 1 more than the 1-2 you originally wanted. I promise you if you don’t compromise and meet halfway , he will find other means to get the job done & you don’t want that.

There is no "right" or "normal" amount to have sex. It's whatever both of you are comfortable with. Suggesting you're asexual for just wanting it 1-2/week isn't cool, though. You're both young, so I wouldn't suggest dumping him over it, but tell him that you have a perfectly healthy sex drive, and just because it doesn't match his doesn't make you asexual. You just need to find a middle ground that you're both okay with. If you can't find that middle ground, then it doesn't mean either of you are weird or bad, it just means you aren't compatible in that way. That might be worth breaking up over.

Yeah. There’s exceptions but a lot of women mature a little bit more sexually in their early 20’s. Most women I know say they didn’t love sex till around then

Don't care about what's normal. Care about whether you are compatible and how to work out a solution that is satisfactory to both of you. People change and relationships change with them, so you need to redefine how your sex life should look now. Neither one of you is abnormal. It really doesn't matter how much sex other people are having. Talk to him. Good luck.

I think you're going to hurt his confidence and it's going to start bothering him more and more. You should at least have a conversation with him. I think a lot of men feel loved in a physical way so without that he feels unwanted. He's probably continually trying to figure out what he did wrong and why you hate him

Could be ur birth control pill ..

You’re not ace, and it’s weird he thinks you are because sex drive has gone down a bit. Like girl you have this thing called a menstrual cycle and we technically go through “second puberty” in our 20s, your sex drive is def going to decrease as time goes on as well. If YOU want to have more sex (only if you truly do don’t feel like you NEED to because he wants to) try maybe smoking a little to get into the mood, or try aphrodisiac’s and see if that helps too. But tell him to cool down, you’re not living in a porno.

I know couples that said they do it 1-2 times a year!!!! I'd die.

I’m female. I want sex multiple times a day(at least once) and only take a day or 2 off to recover when it gets too sore from all the friction. I’ve been told that I have a high sex drive. It’s a blessing and a curse. I can’t find men who want it as much as I do. They start strong, then after the first year they seem to lose the drive and get too comfortable or something. I heard it’s normal to have less sex later in the relationship but it makes me depressed without as much sex. I only felt satisfied in the honeymoon phase. I’ve been celibate for over a year to try to force myself to be ok without sex. It is so difficult and I’m realizing how important sex is in life. It’s one of our main basic needs like water and air. It’s so important to find a compatible partner and communicate these things early on so you’re not investing for a year to find out you’re not compatible.

You can take supplements that help boost libido but if he’s deprived for to long it’s not uncommon for the male to look for it else where. This is where you knowing him comes into play. High sex drives very difficult to deal with sometimes and when he’s trying to get that from you all the time it can be hard to keep up. Looking into supplements can ease it, or just try to communicate with him and let him know you’re not in the mood and it’s not his fault. If he feels like you don’t want him as much he may feel lack of interest and put intrusive thoughts in his own head. Just make sure communication is in the picture

I used to struggle with hyper sexuality with my girlfriend and one day she sat me down and expressed to me the same words that you said here. I internalized what she said, and worked on myself to be less hyper sexual and less dependent on a physical relationship with my girlfriend. If he isn’t willing to listen to you and change for the better, I’d say you split ways.

Don't listen to these people here. If you don't want to have sex, then you don't want to have sex. There's nothing wrong with that. People here are suggesting that you succumb to his desire over your comfort. There's a word for that. Don't do something you don't want to do. It will only result in resent.