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Honestly in situations like this the only real advice I can say is make them wait I completely understand you have desires but in this case waiting while not 100% effective weeds out most people who only want sex. Alot if guys who just wants sex usually ditches after 3-5 dates
the only way this can be worthwhile for a guy is if he isn't expected to invest money. As in play the long game, but not pay for anything. This shows a guy she's not using him for money and this shows the girl he's not using her for sex. Otherwise, one side will inevitably get used and dumped.
I'm a man and I completely agree everything should be 50/50 effort in the relationship although I don't like the implication of because her meal was paid for she owes you sex but I'm sure you didn't mean it that way but the phrasing was weird.
It doesn't have to sex. it could be another form of something you want like buying you something, making you food, or making your life better in some way but there should be a 50/50 effort from both sides.
Oh yeah I can definitely rock with that honestly I don't believe in fancy first dates so I'd either go somewhere cheap like Starbuck or a sub shop and if she doesn't offer to help it's over for me or atleast warrant a conversation.
That's fair. This is how I would do it. I'm not ok with going to an expensive place on the first date but I wouldn't mind doing it later, when I have already figured out it is a woman that really does like me and isn't using me for money. It only takes small acts to show interest. I guard my level of investment as hard as a woman guards sex.
Yeah honeslty I'll never understand why people do expensive first dates like I'm just trying to get to know you we can do that anywhere it doesn't have to be a 5 star restaurant because if it doesn't work out that's 200 dollars wasted.
In my opinion unless your rich 5 star restaurants are for committed girlfriends and wives only not first dates. So yep protecting investments is the best way
In your age bracket I'm pretty sure almost every guy you meet is going to prioritize being physical. Not all, obviously, but a lot.
So you're not doing anything wrong. Men around that age generally are trapped by wanting sex. They can't get out of wanting that and nothing you do will get them out of that.
Best you can do is keep trying and hopefully you meet a guy who wants to be with you.
Where are you finding these guys? On Tinder?
No one wants to hear it but a very tiny minority of men get the vast majority of matches on Tinder. Women only swipe for about 5% of men, so they have a ton of options and very little reason to be exclusive
Maybe just wait for sex? I enjoyed it in my past relationship as well, but we waited 3 months before sex. So maybe start doing that? Not trying to sound rude or anything. Could also be the type of guys you go for. Idk. But waiting is probably the best advice I can give.
If men didn’t want to have sex with u, They wouldn’t ever ask you out. The really hard part is as ur finding out is the more part. Ur on the thicker side. Are u dating men on the thicker side? In 2024 no dude who is attractive and has his shit together etc is gonna wait 3 months of taking a girl out on dates etc etc.
Honestly it's the most common sense advice like I understand the sex drive but when your single you have to masturbate just keep doing that. Honestly sex is pushed way too much getting to know each other and hanging out is fun as well
As a 20 year old guy who's been dating more and more recently I found that when me and a girl get to know each other for a few months before having sex that it's way better for making a longer relationship. Sex is also better that way imo.
Just ask them up front if they're looking for a relationship and make it clear to them that's what you're after and that you're not interested in casual sex. Then I'd suggest not keeping in touch because some men have a weird tendency of thinking woman don't mean what they say.
A lot of guys are only interested in sex period, it’s not just you. Especially at 20 something all they want to do is party, have sex and play video games.
Outside that a lot of guys are only interested in sex with a lot of women because sex is all they offer. Women, like men, have to offer more for a relationship, this whole “bring something to the table” talk, you’ve got to make their lives better in more ways than just sex and companionship.
But what does that mean exactly? What does “promiscuous” look like? This is an honest question. I very very rarely see any women in real life dressed in a way I’d consider “promiscuous.” Online, sure, but that’s usually women who are promoting their OF or trying to be influencers.
Like, skirts above the knee? Showing any skin at all? Anything fitted? Heels? Cut to the navel? Or is any sort of cleavage a big no?
Anything that draws someone's attention to a particular area of the body, that you would normally only see while having sex, is the heart of it.
The more obvious it is, the more people's "bars" would be triggered. Skirts above the knees might only get a small handful of people excited, so they'd be going out armed with a one-shot pistol from the 1800s. Scantily clad women on the other hand, are going out armed with a shotgun.
Whatever it is to the person seeing it. Everything subjective to a degree. What does dressing bummy look like? Etc.
I don’t know where ur from but in some party cities. Girls go out in extreme scantily clad outfits.
At 20, you should be finding guys in college. Older guys won’t take you seriously and will just use you for sex. You should also hold off on sex for at least 3 dates.
At that age in general (regardless of your gender as I found) it’s going to be difficult to find people looking to settle down. Definitely not impossible, just not as easy as one would hope so you have to learn to be mindful.
Best advice that I heard when I was younger and that I hear reiterated on here often is - focus/work on yourself and the right person will come. Worse case scenario you get played again, but you’re still a better person at the train’s next exit than when you first boarded.
Consider how the conversations are going. While sex will come up, manage how much you divulge. It’s a stupid double standard, but I f you give the impression you are open to sex right off the bat, many guys will immediately switch you to a hook up in their minds. Try to screen out the hook up dudes by asking them about their dating experience.
The bitter truth is that most young men talk to and court most young women only because they're sexually-romantically interested. Men and women have very little in common and we're more different than we're similar. It's upto the woman to filter out which men are serious and want sex and something deeper, and who are only there for sex. But the modern dating landscape has incentivized men who only want sex and nothing more.
You're barely an adult at this point, and the guys in your age bracket probably don't want to settle down at all right now. I mean, why would they when the world is their oyster?
Unfortunately, our age group and above have developed a “liberating” mindset that sets everyone at the level of an object and dating is essentially dead.
I’m 23 going on 24 and I’ve basically stopped trying and stopped caring. It’s a waste of my time. Save every penny you earn and open a Roth IRA account and shove it into s&p ETF’s and hit the gym. Ignore everyone else
Yeah it really sucks because I geuinely just want to feel loved but unfortunately everyone just wants sex so I guess I just have to get over it and hit the gym and other hobbies until people feel like settling down.
You’re going to encounter in your late 20’s into your 30’s that all of the sudden you’re more desirable because they want to finally settle down after being hyperactive, be careful with who you choose
Thanks man my brother in law told me something similar and I was hoping he was wrong but both of you have been right so far. I'll definitely be careful of who I choose especially with all these horror stories on reddit
The advice my friend gave me really made me approach things differently and stuck with me. Just like you, I tell guys straight up that I'm not interested in hooking up and looking for a serious relationship. Then I talk to them, go out with them and try to get to know them for 3 months without getting physical except for kisses and cuddling. The three month rule is important because eventually people will show their true selves. Also, if after 3 months their interest hasn't changed and they are not pushing things sexually then you know it's genuine interest. I will only have sex with them when they've committed to be in a relationship and put some serious effort into it. Think of it as them having to earn being that intimate with you. Also during the first 3 months i try to manage my emotions and not get too attached to that person. I do get close to people with time but that is also something you have to earn. Also, be confident! I see so many women that are insecure and that makes me so sad. I'm not the prettiest either but I know my value. Be VERY picky with whom you let into your life. People can do some serious damage so aim for guys that are serious and kind and not detached and manipulative. Write down when you see any red flags. And try to figure out if they are really interested in you. Flirting nowadays is not enough. Does he try to get to know your family or does he avoid it? Does he care about what food you like and your passions? Does he ask you lots of deep questions? Does he talk or have interest in other girls other than you? Does he go out of his way to spend time with you even when there is no sex involved? Does he care about your past and your ambitions?
As a guy I think you're exactly right. Guys who just want sex are not going to put in the work a relationship takes.
They don't have the patience & feel they're being used. LoL
That will definitely vet out the f boys because they're looking for the least amount of effort to get sexual access.
However, you will also lose good men with this approach, especially if you've had consensual one night stands in the past. For a woman with little to no sexual experience, it's fine because a man will acknowledge that she has held that standard for all men at all times.
However, if not, you're essentially creating artificial barriers for men to climb, while you didn't require this from men of your past. A man who isn't naive will pick up on this.
This approach is fine, but the effort should be reciprocated equally, e.g., 50/50 on dates. Don't expect the man to facilitate every action of the dating process.
Well girl let me tell no guy won’t sexualize you unless he is gay or is absolutely not interested in you but then he wouldn’t have you in his contacts.
That is like saying I want a man that is practically not a man anymore.
Some men are better at hiding their sexual thoughts doesn’t mean they don’t sexualize you.
Have you thought about NOT having sex with men early in a relationship? And maybe not put out for anyone until you are in a serious committed relationship?
Maybe work on controlling your sexual urges and actually get to know them for a period of time? If you’re putting out I promise that’s all we are going to want from you especially in your 20s.
They aren’t treating you as a “sexual object” ooooohhhh brother another promiscuous girl about to play the victim card.
“Look I like fucking guys right away and I encourage and allow them to fuck me because I have a high sex drive, like I love fucking these guys early because it’s important to relationships to fuck early so you know how fucking them feels! Then these monsters like don’t even want to wife me up! Like why don’t any of these multiple guys I’m letting run through me want to treat me like a princess!?!? Ugh just garbage men treating me as an object, I deserve the world”
Honey let me let you in on a secret you treat YOURSELF like a sex object and the world will treat you as such.
This feels like the most common sense advice like it's not that hard to control sexual urges. Alot of relationship problems would be easily solvable if people stopped having sex on the first date
Yeah it’s men’s fault as usual. I can’t shut my legs and no one takes me seriously as a partner….obviously men’s fault.
This is her fault she is probably average looking at best based on the “I’m kinda thick” comment, which probably means low key out of shape. She probably is going after attractive men and putting out for them immediately. Like they never wanted to date you, but if you’re just going to open your legs for a 20 year old man and require him to give minimal effort to bang you, you’re gonna be alone and you’re going to get a rep and men are going to see you as the sex object you’re turning yourself into.
The way you dress shouldn’t determine how people treat you FFs 🤦♀️ The dating pool right now is atrocious tbh. Make them wait as much as you can. If they are pressuring so much or you have a feeling is just sex. Run. Save yourself the heartbreak.
Lol what a classic “nothing I do is my fault” comment.
Your outward appearance and mannerisms will definitely tell others about you. Fix that shit so you’re treated in a way you want
Well, there's a functional aspect to it, and it's the norm in Western societies, which is deemed appropriate. You can't tan if you've got clothing covering your body.
Is it common-place to see women or men arrive at their workplace on a monday morning in their bikini or boardshorts?
I just did in the first paragraph.
A woman isn't going to be mistreated at the beach for wearing a bikini, as it has functional value and is deemed appropriate via societal standards.
Nude beaches are usually more secluded, and the people who attend them are aware that the people there will be naked.
Ohh here comes the one who blames women for getting assaulted or getting unwanted attention for the way they dress. Sir, I can be buttnaked if I wanted to and that still does not give you the right to be a creep about it. I can be minding my own business just living my life and people will still feel the need to bother me just on what I am wearing. JESUS CHRIST.
Yeah you can do whatever you want, doesn’t stop people from judging you. If you want people to deal with you in a way that is satisfactory you should think on how you’re perceived
Like I said before, the way you dress shouldn’t have to determine that. This is why SA victims don’t speak up because of people that have this mentality 🫠
Yes in an ideal world with unperceptive people that would be the case. But people have biases and do perceive things in others to make quick assumptions on what someone might be like.
We don’t live in a world like that though, and never will as that trait is pretty deeply rooted in us, and is pretty damn important to keep us safe
Read my comments before commenting please. Clothes shouldn’t determine if a woman can get sexualized or not. This type of mentality is problematic AF. No wonder why women don’t feel safe anymore.
No, clothes shouldn’t determine if a woman is sexualised, but the sad fact is… they do.
The way you dress will influence how people perceive you - the way you act or speak will do this too. It’s reality. I don’t agree with it but I can’t see it changing anytime soon
sexualization is not the same as objectification. if you’re walking around with your tits out and in booty shorts obviously people are going to sexualize you. but that doesn’t give them the right to HARASS you. just look discreetly and don’t be a dick, guys. if a hot guy was walking around in booty shorts topless i’d probably sexualize him too, but i wouldn’t catcall him.
Shouldn’t doesn’t matter because that’s how it is.
There shouldn’t be world hunger. But it exists.
People shouldn’t date and marry based on physical attraction but they do.
Nah. That it is what is mentality also bad. We have the ability to change if we want to. Having that mentality is disturbing to say the least. This is why I rather stay single. A lot of men do not even see women as humans FFrs 🫠 Get your minds out of the gutter.
The fk u talking about. Both men and women judge how people are dressed. How people look etc. U have SOME standards in who you date. Everyone does.
All you are doing is ur trying to shame people for their personal standards and preferences.
Eh I expect to be sexualized more if I wear something revealing/sexual than if I don't. Luckily I have control over my clothes and so to some degree I'm able to control how sexualized I get. Obviously it's never going to be complete control as we can't actually control others' minds.
Unfortunately the truth is being "upfront" isn't all that it takes and sometimes even that can be used to take advantage of you. You need a lot more and to readjust your strategies to better protect yourself.
Sometimes people can act like who you want just to get what they want from you. So you gotta have other safe guards. In terms of online dating, I think by those men still messaging you like that knowing that's not what you want, means the trash is taking itself out. Although unfortunately those types are not likely to read profiles anyway and are just playing a "numbers" game. So you gotta learn to protect yourself and have several ways to do so. I'd advise you to search up about this on YouTube and watch a variety of dating coaches to get a better idea of the games men try to pull. If you want me to try to send you some to get started, you may come through. It may take some trial and error, though I trust that you can do this and will find someone deserving of you.
Edit: To put into perspective, it's almost like saying, hey you! I've a huge stash of cash in my bank account. Though the bank is shutting down, and it's too much to keep in just my house. Besides, I don't wanna keep all my eggs in one basket, do you think you've what it takes to keep it safe for me forever?
Now guess how many "bankers" will tell you and rave about how they are thee bank for you. Which is why you really need a lot of other safe guards to make sure they are safe and do your best to minimize being taken advantage of.
Waiting would weed out about 90% of men... no one is gonna put in 3+ months of dates and communication for sex. You should be able to vet his interest level over those 3 months.
Try to connect with guys from a different angle. Instead of dating try joining some kind of club or organization in something you love and enjoy (a hobby and such). That way you get to know the guys without dating them. You connect with them on a more mental level.
Also you could be working on your "vetting skills".
You need to listen to your own inner-voice. Feeling stupid means you're still not actually listening to your own body talking to you and making the same mistakes it's trying to warn you against. It's your own body making you feel stupid. You should listen to your body when you ask it why it's making you feel stupid.
The only advice I can give is make them wait. My experience is very different. But I am demisexual so I don’t look to make things sexual until I have a connection with someone. But it seems me not wanting sex, making women want sex more. Then I feel a lot of pressure to go with it and just end up embarrassing myself
Since you’re on the thicker side, are you sure you’re going for men in your league? I’ve known many overweight and obese women who can’t figure out why they keep getting used for sex when all they try and date are Chad guys.
Don't stop having sex since that's clearly something you enjoy. You'll waste your time if it turns out that there's no sexual chemistry. I'd also think that you need a partner who's also got high libido, so making him wait seems counter productive.
Many people your age are going through wild years and exploring. Some definitely want to settle down, but finding the right person takes time (also when you are older).
Be honest about who you are and keep looking. I'm sure that you'll find your guy.
We're everywhere,.. just gotta find us. Usually right under your nose 🙃 idk when but one day it will happen and you will think of this comment about it.
You're first choosing the guys you find attractive and then looking in that group for guys who will commit. Start with the guys who will commit to you and then select the guys you're attracted to.
If every guy you are attracted to only sees you as casual/puts you in sex zone rather than the relationship zone it means you’re shooting outside your league.
You have three options:
1. Do nothing and hope something changes. (It won’t.)
2. Lower your standards (everyone seems to hate this option.)
3. Level up. Improve yourself either physically or otherwise. Be the woman that the men you desire want to be with.
Good luck.
Well, I hate being told that someone I may be attracted to isn’t interested in a relationship with me, but that doesn’t make it untrue.
Unfortunately many people are just not very good at understanding their relationship value/league. It’s easy to confuse it with your sex league and the two are just not the same.
I don’t think I said anything in my comments that I wouldn’t say to men.
There are lots of entitled dudes out there that are swinging out of their league. But generally they aren’t even getting a shot. The ladies at least get dates/sex, and an opportunity to wow the guy and take their best shot.
Strongly disagree. Have seen many ugly men screw over gorgeous and successful women.
If it's a league issues it's usually the dude knowing he's not good enough and running. (Which isn't really a bad thing for the long haul)
Yeah, I’m not sure about that.
For better or for worse If you find yourself dating a man who you believe is ugly and yet he still sees you as casual, you are not only still shooting out of your league, you’re not good at judging what your league is.
There is a difference between a man’s relationship zone and his sex zone.
It’s easy to get in his sex zone, his relationship zone is much tougher.
And most men don’t run from women they are attracted to. They seeks to be with them.
Good luck out there, and don’t ignore option #3, it’s really the best one.
I haven't really seen this played out of in society. Also, we have evidence that women are giving the majority of swipes to the top minority of men on dating apps. This means there is a small subset of men who are able to spin plates and causally hookup without looking for commitment.
Also, women and men value different things. An ugly man can still be charismatic, funny, and wealthy. This will raise his value in the sexual marketplace. The same doesn't exactly apply to women, for example.
For the guys that pretend they want a relationship, how many dates do you go on before having sex with them? Also, do these guys literally ghost you after just ONE sexual encounter or do they have sex with you 4 or 5 times and then leave?
Guys out of your league don't want "to get to know you" , second your presentation will affect whether or not men want you for casual or real relationship, if you're the town bicycle or present yourself like one obviously they won't commit
OP has mentioned nothing about going for guys “out of her league” nor has she presented herself as a fucking bicycle. The slut shaming and comparing a HUMAN being to an inanimate object is disgusting.
She said she’s on the thicker side. Yes some men like that, definitely not a majority. I’ll wager that guys she’s going out with just don’t want a who looks like her as anything serious.
Again this is if op is actually thick like she is saying
Change the venues and strstegies to meet people. Increase your opportunities to meet people. This is the only way in dating to find the right person for you.
I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to stop having sex with them so quickly. It’s the only way to weed out the guys who are just talking to you for sex. Go on 3-5 real dates (you can split the bill), have real conversations, and do not have sex with them until an emotional/intellectual bond has been established and they have invested some time and energy into the connection. Do not go to their house. Do not invite them to your house. Grabbing drinks is OK for the first date. After that, lunch, coffee, dinner, or an activity. People value what they invest time and effort into. If you require no effort, they will devalue you.
If you have sex with them before establishing a connection, in the majority of cases, they will not take you seriously. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. If you want different results, you need to delay intimacy and there is no way around it.
I’m sorry that’s an issue for you. On the upside it gives you a ton of leverage and control with how you enter relationships that cannot be understated. Would you rather become unapproachable?
I don't know what type of men are doing this to you, but I would think the probability of this happening with men who are as thick as you would be lower.
Do you dress modestly? I'm not trying to say "all women should dress modestly, Christian values, blah blah". I'm not Christian, if a woman wants to sleep with a bunch of guys then that's fine by me too. But you don't want to be. So try dressing modestly if you don't already
Girl, I miss those days with a passion. You’re going to miss those days when you’re in your 30s and too many men cannot last longer than 2 mins or they have ED related to porn addiction, stress, crippling depression/anxiety, or the act of putting on a condom chokes the life out of their penis before you can even bend over. Now, all I get is annoyed that I haven’t had sex like I used to in my 20s unless the guy I’m with is in his 20s. Make the most of this while it lasts.
PLEASE for the love of god do not "date older." Guys just say that here because older guys want tight young bodies.
It's rarely ever better.
If anything, if you don't find the right guys around your age, just focus on school and wait until you're a bit older and then the guys you're around will be older too and more mature. That's what I did and have no regrets.
but here's the thing - there are good-hearted 20 year old men. Just gotta find them. Maybe try apps to get a bigger pool.
Where are you meeting these guys?
Are you trying too hard? Are you giving off a desperate vibe of trying to be in a relationship? Usually this is classed as masculine chasing energy which will attract unsatisfactory experiences with men.
You're not doing anything wrong..you're doing everything right. Keep going and you'll soon find a guy who wants to relationship you. What you're going through is normal. Almost every woman goes through that. Like you said: sexual chemistry etc. is important for a long-term relationship. Guys agree and therefore you cannot be sure if a guy will stick around after sex. Because maybe to him the sexual chemistry wasn't as good as he needed it to be to get serious with you. It needs to be a match and that takes time to find. Most guys also have higher standards for a relationship than for casual sex. So your experience is 100% normal.
So your advice is to keep letting men try her out? She already feels badly about what's happened so far. If she keeps doing things that leave her feeling stupid, how will she be doing a year from now?
No, don't keep doing what you're doing, because you don't feel good about it.
She doesn't have to sleep with men she doesn't want to sleep with. But she has to risk rejection to get a boyfriend. Just like any person who wants a partner. And rejection sucks. But we have to usually go through a lot of rejection to get a partner. I got rejected around 200 times before I got my first girlfriend.
Every time she risks rejection, she's increasing her chances of finding a boyfriend.
If she tries to avoid rejection - she will not get any closer to getting a boyfriend
The process of Finding a partner doesn't usually feel good. There's a lot of rejection. That's why people complain about the single life. But that's how real life works. Unfortunately. No risk, no reward. Putting yourself out there is uncomfortable, scary, and painful. But the people that do - end up in relationships faster than those who don't.
I’m 27 & have been going through the same thing since I started dating at 17.
I honestly think that times has changed and most men do not want to commit to just one girl anymore, especially when others are giving it away more willingly. We’re living in the hook up era unfortunately
Most men would be happy to commit. Unfortunately those men get swiped left on over and over. Women would rather chase after the guys at the top. Those guys have options and no reason to commit.
You mean physically attractive men who have options. But honestly it is our fault, can't blame women for being attracted to handsome men. we should elevate ourselves and step up.
Yes but also no. Men’s attractiveness standards by women are absolutely absurd - I can’t remember if it’s true or not but I saw a statistic comparing how men and women rate attractiveness in the opposite sex. Men rated extremely normally and had a healthy bell curve peaking around 6 but skewed towards 7 and 8. On the other hand women rated SUPER skewed to the left, with the vast majority of men being 3’s, 4’s, and 5’s. I don’t think this is a fluke either. I genuinely think 80+% of men are unattractive to women despite if they are fit, well-rounded, and found attractive by other men. So yes, you can definitely improve yourself and that helps, but it’s not the most realistic option for *most* men in dealing with how women approach male beauty standards.
If men didn’t want to have sex with u, They wouldn’t ever ask you out. The really hard part is as ur finding out is the more part. Ur on the thicker side. Are u dating men on the thicker side? In 2024 no dude who is attractive and has his shit together etc is gonna wait 3 months of taking a girl out on dates etc etc.
There's a LONELY MEN EPIDEMIC going on. The fact that you can go on dating apps and get like 200+ matches in a single day (if you pay for it), and none of those guys want commitment from you and only sex says everything about you.
As a man, I can concur. This is mind numbingly horrible advice. Train wreck level.
The real advice should have been “Go slow with a guy you really like.” Full stop.
As a man, if a women I was into took it slowly with me, while giving it up to others with no problem. I'm not taking her seriously. Majority of men will agree with me but too each their own. You don't need to agree with me.
That's untrustworthy and that's exactly what she's looking for. "Trust." And for whatever reason that guy she's into ends up finding out..She would have just lost someone possibly important to her. That's why it's terrible advice. Even if he found out a year into dating. It will end badly.
What you feel if you like someone and while you are talking you found he is keep messaging girls on Instagram and hooking up with them ? Even if I found my wife was hooking up while I was taking her on dates I am getting divorce period. You are what everything wrong with women.
So you want me to accept that while I keep talking with someone trying to build connection she is in bed with someone because we aren't exclusive. Can you hear yourself?.
Going slow is extremely expensive for a man in terms of time, money, and attention and there's nothing that guarantees the man that he won't be dumped for someone else months down the line when he has already invested thousands of dollars, thousands of hours and a lot of energy. Like you said, "get those other needs met by the others" so then, as a man, the more efficient strategy is to become one of "the others." They will enjoy all the fun times without any of the hastle that goes with taking things slow.
As a man it's only expensive if you make it expensive and dating a shallow woman like cooking, watching movies, picnics etc... lowkey and barely cost not alot of investment
They don't usually pay for men on dates. Money takes time and effort to make. "taking things slow" means you're, in essence, paying for a chance to get something in return. A chance which is extremely low considering the optionality of the average woman. Men don't care how much women make. Women do care how much men make. By sacrificing money, time and energy, a man literally diminishes his value. The same doesn't happen with a woman. The way a woman becomes less desirable is by diminishing her looks.
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Honestly in situations like this the only real advice I can say is make them wait I completely understand you have desires but in this case waiting while not 100% effective weeds out most people who only want sex. Alot if guys who just wants sex usually ditches after 3-5 dates
As a guy I who is looking for a long term relationship, I wouldn't mind waiting.
Same
the only way this can be worthwhile for a guy is if he isn't expected to invest money. As in play the long game, but not pay for anything. This shows a guy she's not using him for money and this shows the girl he's not using her for sex. Otherwise, one side will inevitably get used and dumped.
I'm a man and I completely agree everything should be 50/50 effort in the relationship although I don't like the implication of because her meal was paid for she owes you sex but I'm sure you didn't mean it that way but the phrasing was weird.
It doesn't have to sex. it could be another form of something you want like buying you something, making you food, or making your life better in some way but there should be a 50/50 effort from both sides.
Oh yeah I can definitely rock with that honestly I don't believe in fancy first dates so I'd either go somewhere cheap like Starbuck or a sub shop and if she doesn't offer to help it's over for me or atleast warrant a conversation.
That's fair. This is how I would do it. I'm not ok with going to an expensive place on the first date but I wouldn't mind doing it later, when I have already figured out it is a woman that really does like me and isn't using me for money. It only takes small acts to show interest. I guard my level of investment as hard as a woman guards sex.
Yeah honeslty I'll never understand why people do expensive first dates like I'm just trying to get to know you we can do that anywhere it doesn't have to be a 5 star restaurant because if it doesn't work out that's 200 dollars wasted. In my opinion unless your rich 5 star restaurants are for committed girlfriends and wives only not first dates. So yep protecting investments is the best way
Offer to help with getting a coffee or a sandwich?
In your age bracket I'm pretty sure almost every guy you meet is going to prioritize being physical. Not all, obviously, but a lot. So you're not doing anything wrong. Men around that age generally are trapped by wanting sex. They can't get out of wanting that and nothing you do will get them out of that. Best you can do is keep trying and hopefully you meet a guy who wants to be with you.
It is true, but that is not mutually exclusive for them wanting a true relationship and connection with her.
Where are you finding these guys? On Tinder? No one wants to hear it but a very tiny minority of men get the vast majority of matches on Tinder. Women only swipe for about 5% of men, so they have a ton of options and very little reason to be exclusive
The expansion of reach for potential mates has been crushing for every single normal, flawed, person's self-esteem.
Maybe we should discourage onlyfans content & dating apps.
Generally I'm in favour of more liberty rather than less, but there's no harm in informing others that dignity and happiness go hand in hand.
Maybe just wait for sex? I enjoyed it in my past relationship as well, but we waited 3 months before sex. So maybe start doing that? Not trying to sound rude or anything. Could also be the type of guys you go for. Idk. But waiting is probably the best advice I can give.
If men didn’t want to have sex with u, They wouldn’t ever ask you out. The really hard part is as ur finding out is the more part. Ur on the thicker side. Are u dating men on the thicker side? In 2024 no dude who is attractive and has his shit together etc is gonna wait 3 months of taking a girl out on dates etc etc.
I think you meant for this to be a standalone comment. Also, hobasi?
Oh shit. Thank. lol. Why did it put my comment here???
Honestly it's the most common sense advice like I understand the sex drive but when your single you have to masturbate just keep doing that. Honestly sex is pushed way too much getting to know each other and hanging out is fun as well
What makes you go after them initially?
Ok I’m starting to get sick of this question
Same, seeing the opinion of others is not healthy for me. Let's be polite and respectful to women and men, please 🥺.
As a 20 year old guy who's been dating more and more recently I found that when me and a girl get to know each other for a few months before having sex that it's way better for making a longer relationship. Sex is also better that way imo.
Just ask them up front if they're looking for a relationship and make it clear to them that's what you're after and that you're not interested in casual sex. Then I'd suggest not keeping in touch because some men have a weird tendency of thinking woman don't mean what they say.
A lot of guys are only interested in sex period, it’s not just you. Especially at 20 something all they want to do is party, have sex and play video games. Outside that a lot of guys are only interested in sex with a lot of women because sex is all they offer. Women, like men, have to offer more for a relationship, this whole “bring something to the table” talk, you’ve got to make their lives better in more ways than just sex and companionship.
In my personal experience the way a woman presents herself can give a hint to guys on what kind of relationship a girl wants.
definitely. the way she dresses, body language etc.
Can you elaborate?
I’ll be a bit crude what what they mean is this. If u dress or act like promiscuous woman. Men are gonna treat u like one.
Basically yeah, the way one presents themselves shows what kind of attention they are after
But what does that mean exactly? What does “promiscuous” look like? This is an honest question. I very very rarely see any women in real life dressed in a way I’d consider “promiscuous.” Online, sure, but that’s usually women who are promoting their OF or trying to be influencers. Like, skirts above the knee? Showing any skin at all? Anything fitted? Heels? Cut to the navel? Or is any sort of cleavage a big no?
Anything that draws someone's attention to a particular area of the body, that you would normally only see while having sex, is the heart of it. The more obvious it is, the more people's "bars" would be triggered. Skirts above the knees might only get a small handful of people excited, so they'd be going out armed with a one-shot pistol from the 1800s. Scantily clad women on the other hand, are going out armed with a shotgun.
Whatever it is to the person seeing it. Everything subjective to a degree. What does dressing bummy look like? Etc. I don’t know where ur from but in some party cities. Girls go out in extreme scantily clad outfits.
At 20, you should be finding guys in college. Older guys won’t take you seriously and will just use you for sex. You should also hold off on sex for at least 3 dates.
At that age in general (regardless of your gender as I found) it’s going to be difficult to find people looking to settle down. Definitely not impossible, just not as easy as one would hope so you have to learn to be mindful. Best advice that I heard when I was younger and that I hear reiterated on here often is - focus/work on yourself and the right person will come. Worse case scenario you get played again, but you’re still a better person at the train’s next exit than when you first boarded.
Consider how the conversations are going. While sex will come up, manage how much you divulge. It’s a stupid double standard, but I f you give the impression you are open to sex right off the bat, many guys will immediately switch you to a hook up in their minds. Try to screen out the hook up dudes by asking them about their dating experience.
The bitter truth is that most young men talk to and court most young women only because they're sexually-romantically interested. Men and women have very little in common and we're more different than we're similar. It's upto the woman to filter out which men are serious and want sex and something deeper, and who are only there for sex. But the modern dating landscape has incentivized men who only want sex and nothing more.
Sounds like you’re just really hot 😭❤️
You're barely an adult at this point, and the guys in your age bracket probably don't want to settle down at all right now. I mean, why would they when the world is their oyster?
Unfortunately, our age group and above have developed a “liberating” mindset that sets everyone at the level of an object and dating is essentially dead.
I felt that at 21 it's nearly impossible to find a woman who just wants to date, hangout and get married.
I’m 23 going on 24 and I’ve basically stopped trying and stopped caring. It’s a waste of my time. Save every penny you earn and open a Roth IRA account and shove it into s&p ETF’s and hit the gym. Ignore everyone else
Yeah it really sucks because I geuinely just want to feel loved but unfortunately everyone just wants sex so I guess I just have to get over it and hit the gym and other hobbies until people feel like settling down.
You’re going to encounter in your late 20’s into your 30’s that all of the sudden you’re more desirable because they want to finally settle down after being hyperactive, be careful with who you choose
Thanks man my brother in law told me something similar and I was hoping he was wrong but both of you have been right so far. I'll definitely be careful of who I choose especially with all these horror stories on reddit
The advice my friend gave me really made me approach things differently and stuck with me. Just like you, I tell guys straight up that I'm not interested in hooking up and looking for a serious relationship. Then I talk to them, go out with them and try to get to know them for 3 months without getting physical except for kisses and cuddling. The three month rule is important because eventually people will show their true selves. Also, if after 3 months their interest hasn't changed and they are not pushing things sexually then you know it's genuine interest. I will only have sex with them when they've committed to be in a relationship and put some serious effort into it. Think of it as them having to earn being that intimate with you. Also during the first 3 months i try to manage my emotions and not get too attached to that person. I do get close to people with time but that is also something you have to earn. Also, be confident! I see so many women that are insecure and that makes me so sad. I'm not the prettiest either but I know my value. Be VERY picky with whom you let into your life. People can do some serious damage so aim for guys that are serious and kind and not detached and manipulative. Write down when you see any red flags. And try to figure out if they are really interested in you. Flirting nowadays is not enough. Does he try to get to know your family or does he avoid it? Does he care about what food you like and your passions? Does he ask you lots of deep questions? Does he talk or have interest in other girls other than you? Does he go out of his way to spend time with you even when there is no sex involved? Does he care about your past and your ambitions?
As a guy I think you're exactly right. Guys who just want sex are not going to put in the work a relationship takes. They don't have the patience & feel they're being used. LoL
That will definitely vet out the f boys because they're looking for the least amount of effort to get sexual access. However, you will also lose good men with this approach, especially if you've had consensual one night stands in the past. For a woman with little to no sexual experience, it's fine because a man will acknowledge that she has held that standard for all men at all times. However, if not, you're essentially creating artificial barriers for men to climb, while you didn't require this from men of your past. A man who isn't naive will pick up on this. This approach is fine, but the effort should be reciprocated equally, e.g., 50/50 on dates. Don't expect the man to facilitate every action of the dating process.
Well girl let me tell no guy won’t sexualize you unless he is gay or is absolutely not interested in you but then he wouldn’t have you in his contacts. That is like saying I want a man that is practically not a man anymore. Some men are better at hiding their sexual thoughts doesn’t mean they don’t sexualize you.
Have you thought about NOT having sex with men early in a relationship? And maybe not put out for anyone until you are in a serious committed relationship? Maybe work on controlling your sexual urges and actually get to know them for a period of time? If you’re putting out I promise that’s all we are going to want from you especially in your 20s. They aren’t treating you as a “sexual object” ooooohhhh brother another promiscuous girl about to play the victim card. “Look I like fucking guys right away and I encourage and allow them to fuck me because I have a high sex drive, like I love fucking these guys early because it’s important to relationships to fuck early so you know how fucking them feels! Then these monsters like don’t even want to wife me up! Like why don’t any of these multiple guys I’m letting run through me want to treat me like a princess!?!? Ugh just garbage men treating me as an object, I deserve the world” Honey let me let you in on a secret you treat YOURSELF like a sex object and the world will treat you as such.
This feels like the most common sense advice like it's not that hard to control sexual urges. Alot of relationship problems would be easily solvable if people stopped having sex on the first date
Unfortunately its your age group. You just happen to be in an age group that men sexualise a lot. My apologies.
Yeah it’s men’s fault as usual. I can’t shut my legs and no one takes me seriously as a partner….obviously men’s fault. This is her fault she is probably average looking at best based on the “I’m kinda thick” comment, which probably means low key out of shape. She probably is going after attractive men and putting out for them immediately. Like they never wanted to date you, but if you’re just going to open your legs for a 20 year old man and require him to give minimal effort to bang you, you’re gonna be alone and you’re going to get a rep and men are going to see you as the sex object you’re turning yourself into.
Take your meds fella.
The way you dress shouldn’t determine how people treat you FFs 🤦♀️ The dating pool right now is atrocious tbh. Make them wait as much as you can. If they are pressuring so much or you have a feeling is just sex. Run. Save yourself the heartbreak.
Lol what a classic “nothing I do is my fault” comment. Your outward appearance and mannerisms will definitely tell others about you. Fix that shit so you’re treated in a way you want
Ummmm, what about women on nude beaches? Or women in bikinis? How should they be treated, based on their “outward appearance?”
THIS.
Well, there's a functional aspect to it, and it's the norm in Western societies, which is deemed appropriate. You can't tan if you've got clothing covering your body. Is it common-place to see women or men arrive at their workplace on a monday morning in their bikini or boardshorts?
Ok. Ok…. I was, genuinelyyyyy hoping for an answer to my question tho.
I just did in the first paragraph. A woman isn't going to be mistreated at the beach for wearing a bikini, as it has functional value and is deemed appropriate via societal standards. Nude beaches are usually more secluded, and the people who attend them are aware that the people there will be naked.
Ohh here comes the one who blames women for getting assaulted or getting unwanted attention for the way they dress. Sir, I can be buttnaked if I wanted to and that still does not give you the right to be a creep about it. I can be minding my own business just living my life and people will still feel the need to bother me just on what I am wearing. JESUS CHRIST.
Yep too bad. You live in a world with other people. People will judge you on your outward features. Stop being naive and accept reality
I am not naive about it lol If anything I still wear whatever the hell I want 🤷🏻♀️ stop hating.
And that’s fine. No one said u couldn’t. But people are gonna judge u. Just like u judge others.
Yeah you can do whatever you want, doesn’t stop people from judging you. If you want people to deal with you in a way that is satisfactory you should think on how you’re perceived
Ok and what does this have anything to do with the fact OP is getting sexualized? You are just hating lol
Because she is being perceived as an easy girl? Hello?
Like I said before, the way you dress shouldn’t have to determine that. This is why SA victims don’t speak up because of people that have this mentality 🫠
Yes in an ideal world with unperceptive people that would be the case. But people have biases and do perceive things in others to make quick assumptions on what someone might be like. We don’t live in a world like that though, and never will as that trait is pretty deeply rooted in us, and is pretty damn important to keep us safe
How u dress always determines how people treat you. This goes for men women and everything inbetween.
Read my comments before commenting please. Clothes shouldn’t determine if a woman can get sexualized or not. This type of mentality is problematic AF. No wonder why women don’t feel safe anymore.
No, clothes shouldn’t determine if a woman is sexualised, but the sad fact is… they do. The way you dress will influence how people perceive you - the way you act or speak will do this too. It’s reality. I don’t agree with it but I can’t see it changing anytime soon
sexualization is not the same as objectification. if you’re walking around with your tits out and in booty shorts obviously people are going to sexualize you. but that doesn’t give them the right to HARASS you. just look discreetly and don’t be a dick, guys. if a hot guy was walking around in booty shorts topless i’d probably sexualize him too, but i wouldn’t catcall him.
Shouldn’t doesn’t matter because that’s how it is. There shouldn’t be world hunger. But it exists. People shouldn’t date and marry based on physical attraction but they do.
Nah. That it is what is mentality also bad. We have the ability to change if we want to. Having that mentality is disturbing to say the least. This is why I rather stay single. A lot of men do not even see women as humans FFrs 🫠 Get your minds out of the gutter.
The fk u talking about. Both men and women judge how people are dressed. How people look etc. U have SOME standards in who you date. Everyone does. All you are doing is ur trying to shame people for their personal standards and preferences.
Eh I expect to be sexualized more if I wear something revealing/sexual than if I don't. Luckily I have control over my clothes and so to some degree I'm able to control how sexualized I get. Obviously it's never going to be complete control as we can't actually control others' minds.
Unfortunately the truth is being "upfront" isn't all that it takes and sometimes even that can be used to take advantage of you. You need a lot more and to readjust your strategies to better protect yourself. Sometimes people can act like who you want just to get what they want from you. So you gotta have other safe guards. In terms of online dating, I think by those men still messaging you like that knowing that's not what you want, means the trash is taking itself out. Although unfortunately those types are not likely to read profiles anyway and are just playing a "numbers" game. So you gotta learn to protect yourself and have several ways to do so. I'd advise you to search up about this on YouTube and watch a variety of dating coaches to get a better idea of the games men try to pull. If you want me to try to send you some to get started, you may come through. It may take some trial and error, though I trust that you can do this and will find someone deserving of you. Edit: To put into perspective, it's almost like saying, hey you! I've a huge stash of cash in my bank account. Though the bank is shutting down, and it's too much to keep in just my house. Besides, I don't wanna keep all my eggs in one basket, do you think you've what it takes to keep it safe for me forever? Now guess how many "bankers" will tell you and rave about how they are thee bank for you. Which is why you really need a lot of other safe guards to make sure they are safe and do your best to minimize being taken advantage of.
Waiting would weed out about 90% of men... no one is gonna put in 3+ months of dates and communication for sex. You should be able to vet his interest level over those 3 months.
Try to connect with guys from a different angle. Instead of dating try joining some kind of club or organization in something you love and enjoy (a hobby and such). That way you get to know the guys without dating them. You connect with them on a more mental level. Also you could be working on your "vetting skills".
You need to listen to your own inner-voice. Feeling stupid means you're still not actually listening to your own body talking to you and making the same mistakes it's trying to warn you against. It's your own body making you feel stupid. You should listen to your body when you ask it why it's making you feel stupid.
The only advice I can give is make them wait. My experience is very different. But I am demisexual so I don’t look to make things sexual until I have a connection with someone. But it seems me not wanting sex, making women want sex more. Then I feel a lot of pressure to go with it and just end up embarrassing myself
Since you’re on the thicker side, are you sure you’re going for men in your league? I’ve known many overweight and obese women who can’t figure out why they keep getting used for sex when all they try and date are Chad guys.
You're 20 that's why. You might have to wait a little while to be taken a bit more seriously.
Don't stop having sex since that's clearly something you enjoy. You'll waste your time if it turns out that there's no sexual chemistry. I'd also think that you need a partner who's also got high libido, so making him wait seems counter productive. Many people your age are going through wild years and exploring. Some definitely want to settle down, but finding the right person takes time (also when you are older). Be honest about who you are and keep looking. I'm sure that you'll find your guy.
We're everywhere,.. just gotta find us. Usually right under your nose 🙃 idk when but one day it will happen and you will think of this comment about it.
You're first choosing the guys you find attractive and then looking in that group for guys who will commit. Start with the guys who will commit to you and then select the guys you're attracted to.
I'm guessing you're picking guys that have a lot of options and only want casual.
If every guy you are attracted to only sees you as casual/puts you in sex zone rather than the relationship zone it means you’re shooting outside your league. You have three options: 1. Do nothing and hope something changes. (It won’t.) 2. Lower your standards (everyone seems to hate this option.) 3. Level up. Improve yourself either physically or otherwise. Be the woman that the men you desire want to be with. Good luck.
It's not lowering your standards if you are looksmatching... more like... be more realistic with your standards.
Women hate being told this.
Well, I hate being told that someone I may be attracted to isn’t interested in a relationship with me, but that doesn’t make it untrue. Unfortunately many people are just not very good at understanding their relationship value/league. It’s easy to confuse it with your sex league and the two are just not the same. I don’t think I said anything in my comments that I wouldn’t say to men. There are lots of entitled dudes out there that are swinging out of their league. But generally they aren’t even getting a shot. The ladies at least get dates/sex, and an opportunity to wow the guy and take their best shot.
Strongly disagree. Have seen many ugly men screw over gorgeous and successful women. If it's a league issues it's usually the dude knowing he's not good enough and running. (Which isn't really a bad thing for the long haul)
Yeah, I’m not sure about that. For better or for worse If you find yourself dating a man who you believe is ugly and yet he still sees you as casual, you are not only still shooting out of your league, you’re not good at judging what your league is. There is a difference between a man’s relationship zone and his sex zone. It’s easy to get in his sex zone, his relationship zone is much tougher. And most men don’t run from women they are attracted to. They seeks to be with them. Good luck out there, and don’t ignore option #3, it’s really the best one.
I haven't really seen this played out of in society. Also, we have evidence that women are giving the majority of swipes to the top minority of men on dating apps. This means there is a small subset of men who are able to spin plates and causally hookup without looking for commitment. Also, women and men value different things. An ugly man can still be charismatic, funny, and wealthy. This will raise his value in the sexual marketplace. The same doesn't exactly apply to women, for example.
Ngl my 20s was basically this. I didn’t do anything wrong. They just do this. Of course not all of them. It’s just super common.
For the guys that pretend they want a relationship, how many dates do you go on before having sex with them? Also, do these guys literally ghost you after just ONE sexual encounter or do they have sex with you 4 or 5 times and then leave?
Guys out of your league don't want "to get to know you" , second your presentation will affect whether or not men want you for casual or real relationship, if you're the town bicycle or present yourself like one obviously they won't commit
OP has mentioned nothing about going for guys “out of her league” nor has she presented herself as a fucking bicycle. The slut shaming and comparing a HUMAN being to an inanimate object is disgusting.
She said she’s on the thicker side. Yes some men like that, definitely not a majority. I’ll wager that guys she’s going out with just don’t want a who looks like her as anything serious. Again this is if op is actually thick like she is saying
I know she said that. But she never said anything about leagues nor did she do or say anything that warranted someone calling her a bicycle.
Change the venues and strstegies to meet people. Increase your opportunities to meet people. This is the only way in dating to find the right person for you.
No
Treat them the same way and think of them as just a “body”
I know you don’t want to hear this, but you need to stop having sex with them so quickly. It’s the only way to weed out the guys who are just talking to you for sex. Go on 3-5 real dates (you can split the bill), have real conversations, and do not have sex with them until an emotional/intellectual bond has been established and they have invested some time and energy into the connection. Do not go to their house. Do not invite them to your house. Grabbing drinks is OK for the first date. After that, lunch, coffee, dinner, or an activity. People value what they invest time and effort into. If you require no effort, they will devalue you. If you have sex with them before establishing a connection, in the majority of cases, they will not take you seriously. It shouldn’t be that way, but it is. If you want different results, you need to delay intimacy and there is no way around it.
Do they grab you and use you to wank their dicks?
Get a vibrator, develop hobbies where you're more likely to meet people (run clubs are great, hiking groups are good too) and keep it in your pants.
I could be your friend, I would also feel uncomfortable with that sorta thing also
I’m a (21f) and I go through the same thing. It’s so exhausting
FFrs I could be wearing just a tshirt and pants and I will still get unwanted attention
I’m sorry that’s an issue for you. On the upside it gives you a ton of leverage and control with how you enter relationships that cannot be understated. Would you rather become unapproachable?
Been unapproachable is not the issue lol men who feel entitled are.
Weight, dress and hair do change.
I don't know what type of men are doing this to you, but I would think the probability of this happening with men who are as thick as you would be lower.
Do you dress modestly? I'm not trying to say "all women should dress modestly, Christian values, blah blah". I'm not Christian, if a woman wants to sleep with a bunch of guys then that's fine by me too. But you don't want to be. So try dressing modestly if you don't already
Choose a dude you normally wouldn’t choose. Someone who treats you right.
Girl, I miss those days with a passion. You’re going to miss those days when you’re in your 30s and too many men cannot last longer than 2 mins or they have ED related to porn addiction, stress, crippling depression/anxiety, or the act of putting on a condom chokes the life out of their penis before you can even bend over. Now, all I get is annoyed that I haven’t had sex like I used to in my 20s unless the guy I’m with is in his 20s. Make the most of this while it lasts.
PLEASE for the love of god do not "date older." Guys just say that here because older guys want tight young bodies. It's rarely ever better. If anything, if you don't find the right guys around your age, just focus on school and wait until you're a bit older and then the guys you're around will be older too and more mature. That's what I did and have no regrets. but here's the thing - there are good-hearted 20 year old men. Just gotta find them. Maybe try apps to get a bigger pool.
Where are you meeting these guys? Are you trying too hard? Are you giving off a desperate vibe of trying to be in a relationship? Usually this is classed as masculine chasing energy which will attract unsatisfactory experiences with men.
You're not doing anything wrong..you're doing everything right. Keep going and you'll soon find a guy who wants to relationship you. What you're going through is normal. Almost every woman goes through that. Like you said: sexual chemistry etc. is important for a long-term relationship. Guys agree and therefore you cannot be sure if a guy will stick around after sex. Because maybe to him the sexual chemistry wasn't as good as he needed it to be to get serious with you. It needs to be a match and that takes time to find. Most guys also have higher standards for a relationship than for casual sex. So your experience is 100% normal.
So your advice is to keep letting men try her out? She already feels badly about what's happened so far. If she keeps doing things that leave her feeling stupid, how will she be doing a year from now? No, don't keep doing what you're doing, because you don't feel good about it.
Yeah not gonna lie not the best advice
She doesn't have to sleep with men she doesn't want to sleep with. But she has to risk rejection to get a boyfriend. Just like any person who wants a partner. And rejection sucks. But we have to usually go through a lot of rejection to get a partner. I got rejected around 200 times before I got my first girlfriend. Every time she risks rejection, she's increasing her chances of finding a boyfriend. If she tries to avoid rejection - she will not get any closer to getting a boyfriend The process of Finding a partner doesn't usually feel good. There's a lot of rejection. That's why people complain about the single life. But that's how real life works. Unfortunately. No risk, no reward. Putting yourself out there is uncomfortable, scary, and painful. But the people that do - end up in relationships faster than those who don't.
I’m 27 & have been going through the same thing since I started dating at 17. I honestly think that times has changed and most men do not want to commit to just one girl anymore, especially when others are giving it away more willingly. We’re living in the hook up era unfortunately
Most men would be happy to commit. Unfortunately those men get swiped left on over and over. Women would rather chase after the guys at the top. Those guys have options and no reason to commit.
You mean physically attractive men who have options. But honestly it is our fault, can't blame women for being attracted to handsome men. we should elevate ourselves and step up.
Yes but also no. Men’s attractiveness standards by women are absolutely absurd - I can’t remember if it’s true or not but I saw a statistic comparing how men and women rate attractiveness in the opposite sex. Men rated extremely normally and had a healthy bell curve peaking around 6 but skewed towards 7 and 8. On the other hand women rated SUPER skewed to the left, with the vast majority of men being 3’s, 4’s, and 5’s. I don’t think this is a fluke either. I genuinely think 80+% of men are unattractive to women despite if they are fit, well-rounded, and found attractive by other men. So yes, you can definitely improve yourself and that helps, but it’s not the most realistic option for *most* men in dealing with how women approach male beauty standards.
This is how most men under 25 behave, date older.
🤣 This applies to any age. Believe me.
If men didn’t want to have sex with u, They wouldn’t ever ask you out. The really hard part is as ur finding out is the more part. Ur on the thicker side. Are u dating men on the thicker side? In 2024 no dude who is attractive and has his shit together etc is gonna wait 3 months of taking a girl out on dates etc etc.
Date older, that should fix it.
How do guys first see you, through insta? If so then how your insta looks really determines the types of guys you get in your DM’s.
Easy to weed men out. Make them wait to have sex. Works everytime. If i am really into a girl and genuinely like her I'd wait a long time NO PROBLEM
There's a LONELY MEN EPIDEMIC going on. The fact that you can go on dating apps and get like 200+ matches in a single day (if you pay for it), and none of those guys want commitment from you and only sex says everything about you.
Go slowly with the guys you really like, and get those other needs met by the others.
As a man, I can tell you that's horrible advice...
As a man, I can concur. This is mind numbingly horrible advice. Train wreck level. The real advice should have been “Go slow with a guy you really like.” Full stop.
With the expectation that the guy is not doing the same. That’s the part you’re not saying.
Maybe, maybe not. If he’s not doing the same. If he’s a “nice guy”, she probably wouldn’t like him. That’s the part you’re not saying.
No. That’s a thing men tell each other on social media, and/or based on girls who hurt them in high school.
Sure.
Well, as a man, you're not really an expert.
As a man, if a women I was into took it slowly with me, while giving it up to others with no problem. I'm not taking her seriously. Majority of men will agree with me but too each their own. You don't need to agree with me.
I didn't tell her to tell the guy lol. If they're not exclusive, np. 😆 Women don't need to wait around passively for your approval, bud.
Gross. So act sleazy and dishonestly. Awful advice
That's untrustworthy and that's exactly what she's looking for. "Trust." And for whatever reason that guy she's into ends up finding out..She would have just lost someone possibly important to her. That's why it's terrible advice. Even if he found out a year into dating. It will end badly.
Lol I stopped at "untrustworthy". Oh, the entitlement with this one...
Lol right?? He thinks women having sex is “giving it up” 🤮
What a great way to start a relationship! With lies. You’re pretty disgusting I’m not going to lie
Exactly what most men do either way lol Lie and manipulate a girl even coerce her into sex she most likely did not wanted to have 🤷🏻♀️💀
Definitely something that happens. Does that make it anymore right? No
But it happens lol if not just sit down with one of your female friends and ask them about their dating life. The horrors some girls experience 💀
Again so? Two wrongs don’t make a right
Your advice is lie by omission. Great plan.
Giving it up?? Good lord you people have no respect for women.
You have no respect for yourself
Lol by saying sex is something to be done together not to be done to or “giving up” something?? Touch some grass
99% percent of the time women decide if sex is happening so yes they’re basically “giving it up” You can be the second option all you want though
Lol just say you can’t get any and stfu
Terrible advice
What you feel if you like someone and while you are talking you found he is keep messaging girls on Instagram and hooking up with them ? Even if I found my wife was hooking up while I was taking her on dates I am getting divorce period. You are what everything wrong with women.
What part of non-exclusive do y'all not understand?
So you want me to accept that while I keep talking with someone trying to build connection she is in bed with someone because we aren't exclusive. Can you hear yourself?.
Boys, boys, boys... We know, you cannot stand the idea of a sexually empowered woman. You'd have to massively step up your game.
Going slow is extremely expensive for a man in terms of time, money, and attention and there's nothing that guarantees the man that he won't be dumped for someone else months down the line when he has already invested thousands of dollars, thousands of hours and a lot of energy. Like you said, "get those other needs met by the others" so then, as a man, the more efficient strategy is to become one of "the others." They will enjoy all the fun times without any of the hastle that goes with taking things slow.
As a man it's only expensive if you make it expensive and dating a shallow woman like cooking, watching movies, picnics etc... lowkey and barely cost not alot of investment
Exactly no one wants to be the guy she is telling her to go after. Being the other guy is 100% the superior choice
It’s expensive for women the same way. Do you think women’s time, money and attention aren’t worth as much as men’s?
They don't usually pay for men on dates. Money takes time and effort to make. "taking things slow" means you're, in essence, paying for a chance to get something in return. A chance which is extremely low considering the optionality of the average woman. Men don't care how much women make. Women do care how much men make. By sacrificing money, time and energy, a man literally diminishes his value. The same doesn't happen with a woman. The way a woman becomes less desirable is by diminishing her looks.
Bc Haven’t met me irl. I’m joking. Just gotta have faith
You are extremely young. Give it a decade and it will be the opposite