Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
See this as a VERY VALID reason to move on and do that. If you can't do that, work on why you can't move on from an insane not interested in you stalker girl.
From a girl, move on. Don't be her friend in the hopes she'll give in one day. That's mean to her and not fair to you. Take the L. Maybe one day she will move on but for now do it for yourself.
Her feelings are too involved and that's why she doesn't care. That's also why there's nothing you can do.
What should his next move to 'move on' be? Should he keep being friends with her while harbouring these feelings or stop being her friend all together which would (platonically) break her heart since they're such good friends they can talk for 1.5 hrs after unexpectedly running into each other?
*Side note*: I'm not inquiring because I disagree, I'm curious because I've been in similar situations and have only ended up ruining the friendships by subconsciously distancing myself and not being as engaged with them anymore :/
The friendship does not exist. He can come back one day when and if he actually wants to be her friend but he can't bank on coming back. If you bank on coming back then you won't force yourself to truly break off that thought process. I don't recommend being her friend unless you are 100% sure you're feelings won't come back.
The thing is, it hurts finding out some guy was you're "friend" and confidant only because he was waiting for you to give in. That's so mean. You weren't her friend. You wanted something else from her. Dont be a friend unless you only want friendship.
As a girl, I've had to do it too. The guy even liked me back but he didn't want a monogamous relationship and I did. My feelings were too involved and I knew that if I stayed I was never getting over him, I was vulnerable to him using me, I was never gonna give my opinion objectively, and I was only going to fall deeper. As soon as he said no relationship, I had to go. I wasn't his friend anymore in my head or heart and I had to let go.
So my suggestion IS to cut that cord, if he's feeling up to it he can tell her his feelings and then tell her why he has to take a step back, or he can tell her he's going through something personal and then just take a step back without explaining himself.
>Don't be a friend unless you only want friendship
What about the people who want partners that can also be their best friend and a good confidant? I don't think it's wrong to test the waters with someone by starting off as friends.
Sure you can start as friends. That's normal. But once you start feeling more, you should check yourself (like straighten out your feelings and if this is what you want), then you can feel her out or you can just go for it, but at the end of the day you should make your stance known. Start making moves. Why would you want to be stuck in the friend role when something has changed? And again, not fair to the friend if they're picking up on none of it and truly just want/are giving friendship.
She is telling you in the nicest indirect way, she is not into you. Think about it. It's way nicer than telling you directly and it's better for both parties
That’s not creepy tho, you’re just getting in your feelings because she’s talking about another guy instead of you lol, you should move on and probably not spend so much time around her
Nah inasmuch as I’m calling her my crush I didn’t mean I had this overwhelming interest I just meant a relationship seemed likely. But I still think it’s creepy though cause why do you know that much about someone who doesn’t know you💀
But yeah your point is still valid tho. Think I should just move on
Part of why she doesn't see you as a romantic interest is because you were willing to sit there and listen to her talk about another guy for an hour and a half. It didn't feel good, it wasn't your problem, and yet you sat there and listen to it for an hour and a half? Why? I would have excused myself the moment i realized she wasn't into me.
Absolutely spot on, you sitting there listening to that crap totally and probably forever turned her off about you, even if her crush becomes a monk and takes a vow of celabilcy.
Exactly. This is female behavior of beta male behavior.
A real man doesn’t accept something like this.
Brother love yourself. If this girl doesn’t see your value have the balls to walk away
Women like men with balls… trust me she will like you more if you start respecting yourself
Women like tons of different things because the women in the world are made up of completely different individuals who want and need vastly different things from one another. I don’t think OP did anything wrong by sitting there and listening to a friend talk about her crush, even if it hurt his feelings. OP doesn’t need to grow balls, OP needs to move on and find someone else who likes him for him
Oh I agree with that, I was just stating that they’re not all attracted to the exact same thing. There’s definitely a handful of universal qualities that women are attracted to in a man.
She just gave a reason not to have a crush on her. Would you want to date a person who dives that deep on someone who they barely even know? Compare your crush on her to her crush on the guy and see which one is unhealthy.
From here just be cordial with her and wish her luck.
How can you still be into a girl who openly shows her interest in another guy (this is barring the weird stalkish behaviour).
To me it's the biggest turnoff, you're invisible to her - move on.
Why the fuck would you sit there and listen to something you don’t care about, need to work on respecting your self more bud, that doesnt mean be rude or get upset with her either, it means stop wasting your time
Tbh I was there more as a friend cause crush aside we are good friends. And idk if I just wanna throw it away cause we can’t date. But you’re right. I definitely need to stop wasting my time
Everyone is telling you to move on and romantically you absolutely should, but I say keep her as a friend if you can coach yourself to seeing her strictly platonically. It’s rare for people to have opposite sex friendships, every time you try to bring a woman into your friend group someone tries to hook up with them and eventually drives them out or ends up in a long term relationship. It’s honestly really sad that close opposite sex friends are so rare because it’s super important to understand what the opposite sex goes through.
Plus, having a decent looking female best friend is super useful if you’re trying to find someone to date. When women see a dude that has a female best friend they are immediately more interested in you. It shows you’re probably not as shitty as most men are. Think of it this way, if you could have a two month fling now or you could have a badass wingwoman that would hook you up numerous times in the future and maybe find you a forever partner, which would you take?
I called her delusional because she said she wasn’t going to do anything to get his attention cause ‘she’s a girl and girls don’t make the first move’ even though, by her account, they’ve only ever interacted 3 times. Two of which were in passing.
And yeah I guess the fog is clearing up now so I’m definitely not as interested anymore.
You move on for a few reasons:
She's not interested in you for starters.
She likes another guy.
She's a clear stalker and you don't need that shit.
She's delusional and she's even aware of it.
Do you really wanna be with someone who stalked a guy with a gf to find out personal things about him?
Also it's possible she's probably aware you're into her and so she went on about that guy to make it clear to you she's not into you as anything more than a friend, and also to probably put you off because she's heavily into someone else.
You move on. Simple as that.
Bro you got friendzoned. My number 1 rule.
Never be friends with women it is pointless the only women friend you need is the one you are going to either fuck or marry and be with for the rest of your life
For a women having guy friends is beneficial it is arguably the best thing you could do for a women but for men this is the most useless thing to have, women friends unless you want to marry her it is useless
Well you can either throw your name in the hat, and let her know that you want her (that is if you still want her even after her terrible display), or you move on my man.
Dont let her vortex if emotions eat your energy. Use your energy on being a greater you.
In my opinion so long as you are doing the best you can for yourself, and not accepting less from yourself you will stop acceptibg less from otherd and you will see that being great will help you make great desicions.
Move on. I would barely talk with her honestly, you’re officially someone to talk about crushes with now.
If you try to remain friends, you’ll likely secretly hope she eventually comes to see how great you are and will like you. But it’s unlikely without a dramatic change
Bro that’s so true I was supposed to go out with her this morning and I ended up not going and after she asked me why I hadn’t come she told me that her crush’s friend was there🤦🏾♂️ I’m cooked man
How old are you? Are you a child? or an Adult?
If you're a child, take it on the chin and never repeat this mistake.
If you're an adult, this is shameful, "crushes"? Pillow talking about "other guys" with a girl you haven't even slept with? Stop this immediately and give yourself a hard look in the mirror.
And never, I mean NEVER engage this behavior again.
You're not the guy for her. And unless you've got a weird idea to help playing matchmaker, I'd leave.
I mean, I assume she must be physically attractive, if you were "ok" to listen to her crazy ramblings. But she's got red flags up to wazoo from my point of view.
So keep your distance and good luck.
I think you confused her friendship proposition as a dating chance, dude. The amount of times i’ve sat for long periods of time hearing my girlfriends rave about their crushes is too many to count. It's part of friendship. Also, women do this thing where we tell the guy friends we think have a crush on us all about OUR crush so they get the hint that we're not interested. It’s a way to let them down gently.
Been there brother. Not worth it. The time, the energy, the mental agony. Everything. At the end you'll just end being heart broken and you'll hate yourself. Have some self respect and move on brother. It's just not meant to happen.
At a social gathering just make a move on her and see how it goes. If its a no, simply move on to someone else. You're young so you may see rejection as some big deal, but it's really not, only as big as you make it in your head
Whatever you do, don't do the lame "I've got feelings for you chat" that almost never works and in your situation almost definitely won't
Never ever trust a female...
Females sometimes seem like evils with good looking. Comparing with males, females tend to practice more treasons, more arrogant, a man would love her for thousands of years but she and give her everything, but simply she will forget all of that in one night.
I wish there would be more researchs about this topic.
I have no hate for females, i love them, how cute and beautiful they are. But feel afraid of thier evilness.
Normal musicality tend to appreciate female and give the love and protection for her. But some females don't mint break your heart when they find anothet guy richer/ better looking.. etc. They just don't give the f$$k.
I think males feel heartbroken when they betrayed far more than females do.
Again, this is should not be generalized. But rather, i start to think it is natural tendency with females DNA
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Move on.
what else can you do lol.. move on
See this as a VERY VALID reason to move on and do that. If you can't do that, work on why you can't move on from an insane not interested in you stalker girl.
From a girl, move on. Don't be her friend in the hopes she'll give in one day. That's mean to her and not fair to you. Take the L. Maybe one day she will move on but for now do it for yourself. Her feelings are too involved and that's why she doesn't care. That's also why there's nothing you can do.
What should his next move to 'move on' be? Should he keep being friends with her while harbouring these feelings or stop being her friend all together which would (platonically) break her heart since they're such good friends they can talk for 1.5 hrs after unexpectedly running into each other? *Side note*: I'm not inquiring because I disagree, I'm curious because I've been in similar situations and have only ended up ruining the friendships by subconsciously distancing myself and not being as engaged with them anymore :/
The friendship does not exist. He can come back one day when and if he actually wants to be her friend but he can't bank on coming back. If you bank on coming back then you won't force yourself to truly break off that thought process. I don't recommend being her friend unless you are 100% sure you're feelings won't come back. The thing is, it hurts finding out some guy was you're "friend" and confidant only because he was waiting for you to give in. That's so mean. You weren't her friend. You wanted something else from her. Dont be a friend unless you only want friendship. As a girl, I've had to do it too. The guy even liked me back but he didn't want a monogamous relationship and I did. My feelings were too involved and I knew that if I stayed I was never getting over him, I was vulnerable to him using me, I was never gonna give my opinion objectively, and I was only going to fall deeper. As soon as he said no relationship, I had to go. I wasn't his friend anymore in my head or heart and I had to let go. So my suggestion IS to cut that cord, if he's feeling up to it he can tell her his feelings and then tell her why he has to take a step back, or he can tell her he's going through something personal and then just take a step back without explaining himself.
>Don't be a friend unless you only want friendship What about the people who want partners that can also be their best friend and a good confidant? I don't think it's wrong to test the waters with someone by starting off as friends.
Sure you can start as friends. That's normal. But once you start feeling more, you should check yourself (like straighten out your feelings and if this is what you want), then you can feel her out or you can just go for it, but at the end of the day you should make your stance known. Start making moves. Why would you want to be stuck in the friend role when something has changed? And again, not fair to the friend if they're picking up on none of it and truly just want/are giving friendship.
She is telling you in the nicest indirect way, she is not into you. Think about it. It's way nicer than telling you directly and it's better for both parties
That’s not creepy tho, you’re just getting in your feelings because she’s talking about another guy instead of you lol, you should move on and probably not spend so much time around her
Nah inasmuch as I’m calling her my crush I didn’t mean I had this overwhelming interest I just meant a relationship seemed likely. But I still think it’s creepy though cause why do you know that much about someone who doesn’t know you💀 But yeah your point is still valid tho. Think I should just move on
Part of why she doesn't see you as a romantic interest is because you were willing to sit there and listen to her talk about another guy for an hour and a half. It didn't feel good, it wasn't your problem, and yet you sat there and listen to it for an hour and a half? Why? I would have excused myself the moment i realized she wasn't into me.
Absolutely spot on, you sitting there listening to that crap totally and probably forever turned her off about you, even if her crush becomes a monk and takes a vow of celabilcy.
No one wants to date a doormat
Exactly. This is female behavior of beta male behavior. A real man doesn’t accept something like this. Brother love yourself. If this girl doesn’t see your value have the balls to walk away Women like men with balls… trust me she will like you more if you start respecting yourself
Women like tons of different things because the women in the world are made up of completely different individuals who want and need vastly different things from one another. I don’t think OP did anything wrong by sitting there and listening to a friend talk about her crush, even if it hurt his feelings. OP doesn’t need to grow balls, OP needs to move on and find someone else who likes him for him
Autistic with all due respect you are very much wrong, women actually have very universal traits as to what behaviors they find attractive in a man.
Oh I agree with that, I was just stating that they’re not all attracted to the exact same thing. There’s definitely a handful of universal qualities that women are attracted to in a man.
None of that is particularly creepy. Just like you have a crush on her, she has one over someone else. It happens.
Agree. If the guy has social media, you could probably learn that info under 20 minutes tops.
She just gave a reason not to have a crush on her. Would you want to date a person who dives that deep on someone who they barely even know? Compare your crush on her to her crush on the guy and see which one is unhealthy. From here just be cordial with her and wish her luck.
That’s not creepy
How can you still be into a girl who openly shows her interest in another guy (this is barring the weird stalkish behaviour). To me it's the biggest turnoff, you're invisible to her - move on.
Why the fuck would you sit there and listen to something you don’t care about, need to work on respecting your self more bud, that doesnt mean be rude or get upset with her either, it means stop wasting your time
Tbh I was there more as a friend cause crush aside we are good friends. And idk if I just wanna throw it away cause we can’t date. But you’re right. I definitely need to stop wasting my time
Everyone is telling you to move on and romantically you absolutely should, but I say keep her as a friend if you can coach yourself to seeing her strictly platonically. It’s rare for people to have opposite sex friendships, every time you try to bring a woman into your friend group someone tries to hook up with them and eventually drives them out or ends up in a long term relationship. It’s honestly really sad that close opposite sex friends are so rare because it’s super important to understand what the opposite sex goes through. Plus, having a decent looking female best friend is super useful if you’re trying to find someone to date. When women see a dude that has a female best friend they are immediately more interested in you. It shows you’re probably not as shitty as most men are. Think of it this way, if you could have a two month fling now or you could have a badass wingwoman that would hook you up numerous times in the future and maybe find you a forever partner, which would you take?
You gotta be mentally strong asf to turn a crush into a platonic friend lol but I agree with this cause it sucks having to cut off a cool person
Not reading all that. You're in the friend zone. Move on
Story of every man's life.
A tale as old as time
What you do is move on Brodie, you really wanna try to pursue this girl ? Nah dawg.
Move on bro stressing over a crush is never worth it.
Sucks. Move on. Or significantly up your game. Make her crush on you by being awesome.
Yea I don’t know if that’s gonna be worth the effort lol. Probably just gonna move on
Either way, still do part two.
Do you even still like her or are you calling her delulu and stuff bc you’re jealous
I called her delusional because she said she wasn’t going to do anything to get his attention cause ‘she’s a girl and girls don’t make the first move’ even though, by her account, they’ve only ever interacted 3 times. Two of which were in passing. And yeah I guess the fog is clearing up now so I’m definitely not as interested anymore.
Congratulations you're like every other guy ever in the sense that you're easily replaceable Just give up now
Would you wanna be with her seeing how she is haha ask yourself that
Dude grow some self esteem . If you take your crush goggles off she is just a low key creepy stalker without any values or integrity
Isn’t that always the way?
You move on for a few reasons: She's not interested in you for starters. She likes another guy. She's a clear stalker and you don't need that shit. She's delusional and she's even aware of it. Do you really wanna be with someone who stalked a guy with a gf to find out personal things about him? Also it's possible she's probably aware you're into her and so she went on about that guy to make it clear to you she's not into you as anything more than a friend, and also to probably put you off because she's heavily into someone else. You move on. Simple as that.
Believe in your own sauce my guy, ask her out either way.
Bro you got friendzoned. My number 1 rule. Never be friends with women it is pointless the only women friend you need is the one you are going to either fuck or marry and be with for the rest of your life
What a gentleman you are
For a women having guy friends is beneficial it is arguably the best thing you could do for a women but for men this is the most useless thing to have, women friends unless you want to marry her it is useless
Sadge dude. Best I can say is, hit the gym.
Well you can either throw your name in the hat, and let her know that you want her (that is if you still want her even after her terrible display), or you move on my man. Dont let her vortex if emotions eat your energy. Use your energy on being a greater you. In my opinion so long as you are doing the best you can for yourself, and not accepting less from yourself you will stop acceptibg less from otherd and you will see that being great will help you make great desicions.
Move on. I would barely talk with her honestly, you’re officially someone to talk about crushes with now. If you try to remain friends, you’ll likely secretly hope she eventually comes to see how great you are and will like you. But it’s unlikely without a dramatic change
Bro that’s so true I was supposed to go out with her this morning and I ended up not going and after she asked me why I hadn’t come she told me that her crush’s friend was there🤦🏾♂️ I’m cooked man
You grow a spine and move on. Why pine over someone who is “obsessed” with another person. Shits embarrassing. Find another girl.
You probably friend zoned yourself.
Well, if your crush us blonde then move on. Because of one rule. If there blonde, there wrong. Remember that
Let them
How old are you? Are you a child? or an Adult? If you're a child, take it on the chin and never repeat this mistake. If you're an adult, this is shameful, "crushes"? Pillow talking about "other guys" with a girl you haven't even slept with? Stop this immediately and give yourself a hard look in the mirror. And never, I mean NEVER engage this behavior again.
You're not the guy for her. And unless you've got a weird idea to help playing matchmaker, I'd leave. I mean, I assume she must be physically attractive, if you were "ok" to listen to her crazy ramblings. But she's got red flags up to wazoo from my point of view. So keep your distance and good luck.
I think you confused her friendship proposition as a dating chance, dude. The amount of times i’ve sat for long periods of time hearing my girlfriends rave about their crushes is too many to count. It's part of friendship. Also, women do this thing where we tell the guy friends we think have a crush on us all about OUR crush so they get the hint that we're not interested. It’s a way to let them down gently.
Your crush had a crush
Just fade out of each other's lives. She is obviously not into you and never will be and that will always hurt you
Dam dawg that’s tough
She doesn't like you, you're friend zoned. Stop being an orbiter
Been there brother. Not worth it. The time, the energy, the mental agony. Everything. At the end you'll just end being heart broken and you'll hate yourself. Have some self respect and move on brother. It's just not meant to happen.
Ur cooked
At a social gathering just make a move on her and see how it goes. If its a no, simply move on to someone else. You're young so you may see rejection as some big deal, but it's really not, only as big as you make it in your head Whatever you do, don't do the lame "I've got feelings for you chat" that almost never works and in your situation almost definitely won't
Never ever trust a female... Females sometimes seem like evils with good looking. Comparing with males, females tend to practice more treasons, more arrogant, a man would love her for thousands of years but she and give her everything, but simply she will forget all of that in one night. I wish there would be more researchs about this topic.
I always thought somethin similar
I have no hate for females, i love them, how cute and beautiful they are. But feel afraid of thier evilness. Normal musicality tend to appreciate female and give the love and protection for her. But some females don't mint break your heart when they find anothet guy richer/ better looking.. etc. They just don't give the f$$k. I think males feel heartbroken when they betrayed far more than females do. Again, this is should not be generalized. But rather, i start to think it is natural tendency with females DNA