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Whether you're kinda pretty or extremely pretty doesn't really make a difference to most guys in terms of who we decide to approach.
Instead we look for signs of approachability. Do you seem approachable? If you don't, we usually won't approach.
Nailed it.
There is a huge difference between being attractive and being approachable.
If she is not giving out any signals that she wants to be approached, then men aren’t going to approach despite being attractive (with the exception of the guys who just go around approaching anyone).
If we take “anyone” literally, then that’s just an outgoing person. I think it’s weird when guys ONLY approach a woman they find attractive. If you see a cool dude or anyone who catches your attention, nothing wrong with acknowledging them and starting a quick chat about whatever. These random interactions make the mundane parts of the day more interesting.
I think we're all imagining the over-confident douchey types. I think the outgoing dudes you describe are approachable themselves, and probably chill as well.
Easy signals: Prolonged eye contact, smiling.
Intermediate: Wink, wave, make a “come here” motion.
Advanced: Approach him yourself.
Basically, you have to give a man an opening or reason to come talk to you. Just existing and being pretty is not good enough, because that applies to lots of women.
Talking from the perspective of a more distanced culture (germany), winking and "come here motions" would be too much. Here, signs of approachability include: looking fairly put together, looking up/at people, smiling, engaging with your surroundings, having a pep in your step haha. Hope that helps!
I agree winking and come here motions are too much. As a woman I shudder to think of the result from doing that 😂 but I also spent some formative years not in the US (Ireland) so there is that, too!
How would someone differentiate between them smiling and maintaining eye contact by being friendly/polite and interested? Or am I a dunce and did not pick up on many of these signals?
Would these same signals be applied to women by men? I’ve always felt a bit uncomfortable maintaining eye contact for very long or smiling as I don’t want to make another person uncomfortable
This happened to me accidentally when I was on a date. My date went to the bathroom when we were at a bar and I was looking around and a guy was making intense eye contact with me. I smiled because I didn’t know what else to do and he came up and started talking to me. My date came back from the bathroom and it was a very awkward situation. I told the other guy I didn’t mean for him to come over and I was just being polite. I felt like such a goober.
I had a situation similar. I (a man, straight) was at a bar and at some point I saw another guy looking fairly intently in my direction. The bar was dark so I was like "shit, do I know this guy? Is that Matt from college? Kinda looks like him," and so I'd maintain eye contact a bit trying to just LOOK at the guy to see if I knew him. I'd break eye contact, go back to my conversation, then see the guy looking my way again and I'm like "nah, I don't think that's Matt. I don't know who that is. He's probably not even looking at me." A few minutes later I've forgotten all about it, and I'm heading to the bar to get a refill, and the guy comes up beside me with "Can I buy you that drink?" I'm not homophobic, but it caught me by surprise because I immediately recognized that I had VERY MUCH misread the situation, and because I was embarassed by that I had simply said "that's ok, I got it," and then got out of there. In hindsight I really wish I had handled it differently. I wish I had laughed with the guy and explained how I had misread the situation and how he looked a good bit like an old college friend, and given the guy a chance to laugh at the situation as well and leave with his dignity less bruised.
Eh. I have cripplingly-low self esteem... and even *I* would come over and say hi if woman maintained eye contact and smiled back at me.
The bar is on the floor. So many people have closed-off body language, are lonely, and wonder why no one approaches.
Adding to what biscuit said, once the conversation starts you still have to contribute. If you're really pretty but barely speak because you're shy/nervous, then we'll think you feel like you're too good for us or not interested.
What do you do when you see a guy that you think is attractive, you want him to come talk to you, but you don’t want to approach him yourself? What do YOU do to get his attention it signal that you want him to talk to you?
Eye contact usually. If he's a stranger in public and he doesn't approach then I will. Well, I did it once, he looked at me crazy, and rejected me (even though he'd been staring at me for over an hour) Lol. Other than that, if he's around a place I frequent and I see him ill just approach If he doesn't.
Yeah. I think that more guys need to realize that if they’re out in public, and they notice a female stranger look at them for 1.5/2 seconds or longer, then it is likely that that is a sign that she’s interested in what she sees and he should go talk to her. Other common signs are playing with the hair, pointing her feet (and the front of her body) towards him, the proximity sign…you do what you think is right for you to get the guy’s attention if you want it. But those are just some common things that women inadvertently do when they’re interested in a guy, besides just going up and talking to him lol
Open seating next to you, no headphones in, phone not out, not distracted or looking like they're waiting for someone or something, eye contact, smiling, starting conversations, buying a drink, talking to the bartender, etc....
Idk people always talk about women being “approachable” i just don’t understand what that means.
I approach people all the time, unless someone looks angry/upset or is clearly occupied with something I would assume it’s okay to approach.
I actually do often have the problem the OP is describing, like people will constantly stop me and tell me I’m attractive, strangers compliment my appearance a lot, but men never initiate with me. Women do! And I date women so that’s nice.
But I’ve had some guys tell me they were too scared or had no idea I was interested and it is frustrating. I get scared of rejection and I still give out my number and ask people out all the time.
I don't know. I guess I'd have to know you and see how you are to be able to provide useful feedback. Maybe ask some men who know you if they notice anything. You could women who are friends, but I'm afraid they'd likely tell you things like the OP is getting told, like you're too hot! These little boys are scared of your hotness! That may feel good to be told, it's not very helpful.
I already included what the men in my life had said about it “they were scared or oblivious to my interest”.
So to me it seems like there is an issue with men being too scared to approach women, less with women appearing approachable.
You can choose to believe that if it makes you feel better, but it's not true. You said men *never* initiate with you. If they never approach you, it's a vibe you're giving off. I don't know what it is exactly, but if you would like that situation to change, choosing to believe men are just too scared of you isn't going to change your situation.
Okay then, lots of men who I find inappropriate approach me, frequently. Usually men who are old enough to be my grandparent. Also men who are interested in sex. They will approach.
That, and the several other things I have already laid out as evidence from OTHERS not my assumptions, have all led me to believe that the *bigger* issue is younger generations of men are becoming too scared to approach women for dating.
ETA- for some reason I can’t respond to comments on my comment so I’ll just edit this in.
I’m actually not seeking advice from men who don’t know me. I was originally curious how people would define as “approachability” but I have not heard anything concrete or useful.
I offered another possible solution to the question OP posed outside of “women need to be more approachable” because I’m tired of hearing that.
I don’t have the issue of approachability. Lots of young women that I am excited to date approach me and I approach people that I am interested in. So I’m not looking to change myself and present as something I am not for a man to feel comfortable.
I think there’s a lot of societal issues that have widened the social gap between genders, and I could write a whole think piece on *why* young men are feeling less comfortable approaching young women, but that isn’t really the point I’m making here. Sure, women can smile and make eye contact when they are feeling friendly. I’m sure they do. Men can also start working on respectfully approaching women. I haven’t seen too much of that. I was hoping posts like this one would be encouraging to young men, pretty girls are in fact waiting to be approached and open to it! But instead everyone keeps arguing with me insisting it is entirely on me to make men interested in me and I just *have* to be doing something wrong.
I am not even arguing that! I literally said approachability is PART of the problem. And men’s fear of rejection and lack of emotional intelligence in dating is another part.
I won’t be responding anymore I’ve said this clearly enough. Anyone else offering me unsolicited advice will be blocked.
OK, so you are being approached by men, just not the ones you want. That's ok, it's just a different problem, that I'm afraid I'm not equipped to advise you on. Except, if you're going to go down the path of blaming all men for your troubles with dating instead of yourself, you're going to struggle to improve your situation. You are the common denominator here. It's something you're doing that isn't attracting the kind of men you want. Maybe young men don't approach like they used to, but they're not *all* too scared to do it. I'm telling you this to try to help you. I don't know the problem, I just know blaming all men is going to get you nowhere.
I’ll tell you what…and I’m a guy saying this. I think it is more likely it’s the case that older people in general will show more overt interest in a younger person then people within that person’s age range. Because I’ve heard other girls say that older men are more often showing more overt interest in them. With me, I’ve had older women being more clear about thinking I’m attractive. So there’s that.
And then to your other point. I would agree that men are more afraid to approach women these days, but not from a standpoint of trying to belittle them for it. I would also posit that it seems to them like women really are less approachable. In your case, if you’re not getting approached by the guys you want, you may have to make tweaks to your appearance or demeanor, make it “easier” for them to come up and talk to you if that makes sense. Be more friendly to them in particular as opposed to other guys that are around.
Idk if you’re already doing this, but trying being in a happier mood, have more open body language, and have a more inviting vibe around the guys that you like specifically, because you do want them to break the ice with you.
I often get told I am intimidating and I don't understand why. I make eye contact. I smile. I'm not that pretty lol. I only get approached by what I've called the "spray shooters".
Resting bitch face.
Try to get your friends to get photos of you while your face is relaxed. It might be a case where you look angry or upset even if you are not. Kristen Stewart and Kanye West have it.
if you want to be approached then do something obvious like waving or whatever, eye contact and smiling ain't gonna look like a signal to anyone who is not actively looking for signals
Exactly that that’s why I have y he illest resting bitch face and tune everyone who approaches me out because I don’t want to get approached at all but I still get approached but it’s usually by the bold ones that can’t take a hint though
I disagree. I knew a girl once that *everyone* found attractive. When we would go out to clubs and bars, 99% of men would approach her, literally lining up. She was kind of gormless looking, struggled to speak and rarely spoke, and that didn’t bother men. If someone is 11/10- everyone will shoot their shot - even other women’s husbands in front of the wives and gfs (from what I saw).
I think she likely came off as shy, but that doesn't necessarily mean unapproachable. What's the explanation for women who don't get approached by men? It's not that they're too attractive, despite what some people like to say. As you say, this girl had people lining up. She must have been giving off a friendly vibe, Making eye contact, etc.
No she didn’t. She looked neutral, neither friendly nor unfriendly. She would entertain the advances of *anyone*, so that is what probably encouraged every single man in any space, to approach. She would give her number to anyone of any appearance, aesthetic, age - absolutely anyone, even if she was on a date or if it was a love interest of her friend, or someone’s husband or bf.
Well, I think that explains why she got so much attention. Even if she has a neutral expression on her face, if she's just simply looking around at people and making eye contact, that will often be interpreted as an invitation to approach. Many women do not do this. You must have been out and seen lots of women who appear uncomfortable even being g there. Would you ever approach a woman that gave that impression?
Most men assume very attractive girls already get hit on 100 times a day and that they are most likely already in a relationship. The respectful dudes out there don't want to be the 101st guy that adds to her stress.
You might be surprised how many actually don’t mind or are flattered when they are approached, instead of thinking that you are bothering them. Be cool and charismatic about it and it could be at the very least be an enjoyable interaction for them
Yeah that's not me lol. I'm not walking up to women so they can have a pleasant interaction. Any time I'm in public I'm either shopping or hanging out with my friends and I'm not interested honestly. I don't think I've ever been in public and spotted some random woman that I just HAD to approach. I generally don't pay a whole lot of attention to others in that way because they're unimportant in my daily life.
Brother ive had women follow me around the grocery store lmao. Sometimes its alright to talk to them in public. Its actually easier to because youre surrounded by conversation starters.
Theres even a tiktok account where this dude goes around getting numbers in a store. Its a POV for people too shy and need examples how to act.
Yeah I live in NY and people generally aren't looking for that kind of interaction when they're running errands. I wouldn't use TikTok as an example because of how often people fake shit for attention. Reminds me of the 2010s "Kissing Prank" videos lol.
Tbh, once I hung out with a super hot girl like "you have to be a model" kinda girl. Literally walked 5 minutes on the street and 3 different guys asked her to marry them. Lots of others catcalls and stops to tell her she was beautiful but it made me feel supper bizarre seeing so many people be into her. Kinda like the last scene in the perfume lol
I’ll be honest, I don’t approach girls I find physically attractive because I get intimidated by it. But that’s no one’s problem but mine. I’m just too much of a wuss.
I'm in the the same boat, to be fair I find myself repulsive in some ways so it is hard for me to ever believe most girls would ever be interested in me romantically. Most of them just seem too good for me so I just don't bother even trying.
I feel the exact same way. I don’t love myself, so how can I expect anyone to love me? But I’m learning every day to accept myself for who I am with all my flaws and insecurities.
I think because most men will feel she’s out of his league. Not a lot of men like to get rejected.
The girls who tend to be popular are the one who’s approachable and a “little bit pretty. When approaching a very beautiful girl, the man has to be either very confident and/or think of himself just as good looking as the girl.
Two therapists have told me that for very attractive women it is typically narcissistic men that approach. Not saying that’s what you’re saying, but it is aligned enough to warrant this comment.
An introverted woman who doesn't know how to flirt, or at least make conversation, can be beautiful and men will still avoid her because of the shutdown vibe she's giving off. No one wants to waste their time with somebody who does not appear to be receptive to being approached no matter how gorgeous they are.
Amen. I feel like a deer in headlights. I have a cute neighbor and I swear I only seem to see them when I’m fumbling, in my jammies, no make up on, and just picked up my dogs massive shit, so I actively avoid making eye contact at that point
I can give you a tipp. If you approach him (even in your jammies and without make up on) he would be happy, trust me. Esspecialy if you can keep up an great conversation. So, if you want to go for it, just do it. You would be surprised how many men don't dare to talk to woman because they're shy or sometging like that. If you want to approach him, just do it. Wish you the best 😁
Spot on. There’s a night and day difference to the attention/advances I get when I make a point to smile, laugh and engage with the people around me vs when I sit quietly with a RBF.
**From what I've seen, pretty girls DO get approached more.**
* Specifically, I knew a woman who was nearly model perfect.
* Men would interrupt conversations she was having with someone else just to talk to her.
* They would push other men out of the way to talk to her.
* Every guy I knew had a crush on her (including me) and would bring her up in conversation that had nothing to do with her.
* One time a group of us were talking about how dating was so hard in "X" city.
* She spoke up and said, "I don't know why people say that. Dating is so easy."
* I almost choked on a laugh.
* It's easy for her because she's in the top 1% of attractive people.
Yup.
Same situation, beautiful friend who is always smiling and is generally approachable, but most dudes assume that someone that hot has to have a boyfriend.
They know she is out of their league.
They also know how often very good-looking women get approached/harassed a lot and want no part of that. We don't want to be that guy.
We also know some guys will hit on her right in front of her BF/husband just to play mind games. I've seen it play out. That sh\*t is dangerous.
Yes, because as men we either assume they get hit on all the time and don't want to add to them being annoyed or being that they are so pretty we just assume they are already taken
>P.S she's really introverted and rarely talks with the opposite sex. I wonder if this is one of the reasons.
I would say this is *the* reason. This idea that a woman can be *too attractive* and therefore men don't approach her is just untrue. Yes, some men may think a very attractive woman is out of their league and so will not try, but that doesn't explain a woman not being approached by any men at all. Hot women get hit on all the time.
But even the most confident men will not approach a woman if they think they're very likely wasting their time. If she seems standoffish and unapproachable, they'll try with someone else.
my friend considers me more attractive than her in terms of looks, yet she is always the one that gets approached. never once have i been asked for my number or instagram in person. ppl have told me that i am intimidating, cold, and just unapproachable in general. i know that i am attractive, but the vibe i give off prevents ppl from approaching me. i find that i have to be the one to approach ppl first
Most guys won't hit on her for several reasons.
A) they already have it in their heads that she will say no to them (she's attractive and commands a lot more on the dating scene, she can be choosy.)
B) attractive women are intimidating, some guys get nervous around really beautiful women and just won't take the risk.
C) She might have a resting bitch face or seems unapproachable or standoffish.
Basically most men will shoot their shot with less attractive women much more frequently because they feel like they have a greater chance of success. But most would probably rather have the attractive woman.
Ignore these maniacs. Hot girls do not get hit on nearly as much as people think, and the ones that do hit on them tend to be the worst, a fact I discovered by accident at age fifteen and other guys just totally refuse to believe.
I'm not sure. If you're also a woman could it mean that you think she's attractive because she's your bestie but she may not be as attractive to men as you presume? I ask out women who are easy to ask out. If I'm at a bar and her friends start talking to me and I notice her and a conversation flows easily, I ask her out. But I don't go up to random women and just ask them out. It's kinda like if there's an opportunity and I feel we're both comfortable I do it.
Women think all their friends are attractive lol. That's why she added the "beautiful on the inside" at the end.
But let's assume she is as gorgeous as OP says, she would be hit on A LOT. But she doesn't because she's not approachable.
Ya I mean without more information she's either not as attractive as OP believes or not approachable either because she's shy or intimidating. Without knowing what she looks like and how she behaves not sure
I looked at her post history and she asked the same question a year ago, but that time it was about her lmao
There is no “beautiful friend”, this post is about herself 😂
probably because she isnt playing her role in the approach process. she should be looking at guys, smiling, getting close, etc.
she can't just sit in the corner with her headphones on looking down. that won't work no matter how pretty you are.
Lmfao exactly. I had a date with such a girl. She wished men would approach women more but then I pointed out the headphones she showed up with to the date. Are we supposed to snatch them off their heads? Lmao
I consider myself average and I never get approached. I have friends that I consider attractive and they get approached all the time. Guys will damn near physically push me out of the way for the opportunity to buy them a drink.
Sounds like you are at a bar or club. That's a huge difference. Men are drunk or tipsy there. They don't have inhibitions at that point. Also, clubs and bars are places where you are expected to be social. But outside in the normal world, she's probably not being approached much.
In my experience... Yeah the more attractive a woman the less likely I will approach her .
I will assume that she has a long list of guys flirting with her, and knowing that I am not that attractive I will not waste my time and emotional energy chasing something that it is very unlikely to happen.
But that's just me
No, this is absurd.
Girls who are introverted, don't go out much or dress really conservatively and look/appear "cold" (I don't mean this in a negative sense, some girls are smiley and inviting and others not so much), will inevitably draw less attention regardless of what they look like. If ur body language, ur face, etc scream "do not talk to me", fewer men will talk to you. That doesn't mean 0 (unfortunately, some men are impervious to all this) but I guarantee, fewer.
Unfortunately, I find when women seek advice, they're very often told things to make them feel better, instead of being given useful advice. The idea that the OP's friend is just way too attractive and all these men just can't handle her hotness might boost her self esteem, but it's not going to actually help her situation. She very likely comes off as unapproachable.
I'd say that there's probably a linear relationship between how attractive a girl is and how much she's approached.
Unfortunately, the Dunning-Kruger effect exists, where in reality, its scientifically proven that people on average tend to overestimate their abilities -- by a LONG shot. Horny men are no exception. Despite how shy some men will be, many men are very audacious and ambitious, and have absolutely no clue how unappealing they are.
Yes. Not to sound like an asshole, I pretty much never get approached, and if I do, it’s by disgusting perverts who say the most vile things because they are used to rejection.
I would say that it's a big possibility that they do get approached less. However I'd imagine it's a major issue for them if they give a man any kind of positive attention I'm sure the likelihood of him pursuing at least a phone number or date is probably really likely and annoying cuz I'd imagine that would happen quite a bit.
Approaching a woman can be intimidating. Not only that, but if they don't seem approachable then why would I? Also.. if you want something, why not pursue it? Break the norms of men having to be the one to approach and ask out. We've got maybe 75-80 years on Earth if we're very lucky. Don't waste your time being afraid to go after what you want.
Yeah, I noticed this about guys. I think a pretty girl makes them nervous so they pick an average looking woman. Many men expect rejection so in order to minimize the possibility of getting rejected they lower their standards (looks-wise). Every girl that I know that is okay looks-wise even overweight is married with kids. The beautiful women I know are single. Some assume that a beautiful woman must be in a relationship. I feel sad for the beautiful women, everyone assumes they have everything.
If I didn't approach people I like myself I would have had two partners my entire life. The only people that approach me are rich players that think they own the world.
Really pretty girls actually don’t get approached very much, relatively speaking, because the vast majority of men realize they have no chance with them. They get a lot of worship from afar, but only a few guys have the stones to go for them.
It's called intimidation... good looks can be, and many men feel that they will have to or have no chance to contend with an assumed amount of suitors a very attractive woman will have. It's all psychological. However, it could also be spoiled by the fact that there's some attractive but know it too much and feel as if they're owed something. They spoil it for the rest
It’s not about looks. I don’t approach women that don’t seem confident. I get turned off by women that are not confident.
Something doesn’t add up. “Everyone keeps showering her with compliments all the time.” Men are part of ‘everyone’. How are these men complimenting her?
Also, she’s relying on men approaching her to feel good. Feeling good is an inside job. She can work on her self-esteem.
If I see somone that’s attractive, I just assume 100 other people also do. I don’t want to constantly be competing against others to keep someone’s attention, so I just don’t bother.
Who's showering her with compliments? Other women? There's a difference between what women & men find pretty... and women will usually praise each other as "you're a 10, beautiful, flawless" even if they actually aren't but women don't wanna be mean and say stuff like "ehh you're mid". This type of question is posted all the time and it's usually the same type of "my friend is gorgeous and everyone says so! why isn't she getting approached?" . And the part about even guy friends saying she's pretty, dudes would say something like "she's hot" if they found her sexually attractive not just "ehhh yeah she's pretty...".... somebody would have made a pass at her by now.
I think the answer is something the difference with girl pretty vs boy pretty
There are actually several interesting studies on this but it happens more than most think. It’s the self doubt/defeatism mindset of “she would never go for me” or “she must already have a man/get hit on constantly” so a lot of men don’t even try.
It definitely happens.
Men. Please stop thinking like this. Women too honestly. So you get rejected, boo fucking hoo man life is so hard and we have so much harder shit to deal with and focus our energy on. Someone turns you down it’s not the end of the world. Think about how many jobs your applied to before getting one. Think about how we apply to multiple schools when going to college. Rejection is a part of life. It’s UNAVOIDABLE so the faster we get used to it the better our lives get. Go out and get rejected today!!!!
Best comment out here. People in this thread are saying bullshit like that they don't approach women because said women will get uncomfortable. Yah, so what? You're also getting out of your comfort zone. And if you're not being a creep, then that's a good kind of discomfort.
Stop believing everything they say on social media, because that's not the reality we people are living in. Go outside and actually talk to girls.
I share her story. I get guys trying to approach me on social media, though. Even tho I get complimented a lot, I never find a match. The guys I like couldn’t be more disinterested in me, and the ones that like me I don’t like… but in real life I notice people looking at me and never approaching.
Men don't want to take the risk of any potential negatives. We don't know who they are, what's going on in their head, or what they're capable of. Best to not approach at all.
It is hard to give advice without knowing her age and the age of the men she is trying to attract.
However if she isn’t attracting guys and you think maybe she is too pretty, have her dress down a bit and see if that helps….
Idk I’m incredibly introverted & have perpetual ‘don’t talk to me’ bitch face and men do not fuck off in the slightest. I think it’s just based on your surroundings & bad/good luck (also, I’ve noticed I get hit on even with a wedding ring. Barf).
I’ve been told by multiple male friends that they were attracted to me, either at one point or still were, but that I intimidated them, or they didn’t think they’d have a chance with me. I don’t know if that’s all due to looks or to personality, but I feel like I’m a pretty approachable person, so….maybe it’s the looks?
Being approachable isn't just about beauty it's about being approachable. Demeanor, setting, facial expressions, body language it all makes someone appealing to strangers or it turns them off.
But in today's day and age judging your attractiveness by how often you get approached as a pool's errand. Most sensible guys just aren't going to do it... Regardless of how good you look.
Depends who's approaching. I don't think pretty girls get approached *less* but rather approached less by men they *want* to be approached by. I would bet that she gets approached PLENTY but, by creeps, pervs, and men she has zero interest in.
I do think her introverted personality and overall unaproachable look could have a LOT to do with it too...
>. I don't think pretty girls get approached less but rather approached less by men they want to be approached by
That go for all women regardless looks
Yes. People on either end of the bell curve get approached less but for different reasons. On the extremely attractive side people self-select and don’t approach because they assume they don’t have a chance and don’t want to risk (assumed to be guaranteed) rejection.
I have to say for me, it's a lot about how I dress. If I dress in my combat boots and all black, I'm NEVER approached. But when I wear some converse and color, I get approached a lot. I've learned my attire changed a lot of how people interact with me outside.
Men don't want to take the risk of any potential negatives. We don't know who they are, what's going on in their head, or what they're capable of. Best to not approach at all.
The thing is that there are a lot of men that will not approach women anymore due to not wanting to be looked at as creeps, some lack confidence especially when it’s someone that’s extremely attractive. Always just gotta make a move. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Most guys have to work up a lot of courage to approach a beautiful woman out of the blue. Easier if you met at a party or at work or something more natural feeling.
I *just* started talking to a girl at my local pool. I have zero romantic intention, it's purely platonic. She's new to the area, so am I. We both like swimming etc. She freely talks to me with no problems.
I've already become very stand off-ish and its only the second time of talking to her because I don't want to come across as a creep.
There's another girl I had quick interation with, in passing, although we noticed each other a few more times. Very attractive. Won't be talking to her because of the location.
I've been told I'm pretty, but I also have hella RBF and definitely give off "don't look at me" vibes. When I was younger I didn't know what was wrong with me or why no one seemed to approach me. Then I got a vibe check and now I get it. If I'm in a mood to be approached, now I'll just smile more, make more eye contact, open up that body language, and sometimes I'll get approached.
Average and slightly above looks type of women tend to get approached more because more guys feel like they are approachable.
The very attractive ones don't get approach as much.
Additionally, women who have a certain "open" vibe just attract male attention.
Having dated attractive women, there are just the types that are addicted to attention and they always end up in tricky situations. I've dated very attractive women who just exude a "stay away from me" or "i'm not here to socialize" vibe. The latter is best for long term relationship.
Most guys are too scared to do anything. You’ll hear every excuse under the sun as to why guys don’t talk to random women more often. Talking to the hottest women is easier than most guys think.
Where do you guys live? I’m starting to think it’s more about where you live. When I lived in Vancouver, it was very rare for me to get hit on unless I was in a bar. When i lived in Montreal, it was all the time, anywhere! I realized that I wasn’t unattractive, just living in the wrong place.
If you are not outgoing then you will seem unapproachable. As an old guy who was an introvert way back then, was the same way. Don’t worry about your friend,or yourself,your time will come…
Sometimes yes.
For instance, guys who buy into the concept of "leagues".
People get intimidated or think there is no way she is single. Many of my more stunning friends get stares but much more rarely get approached.
I don’t think it has to do with being pretty or very attractive. I’m sure there are really attractive guys who’d approach a really attractive girl and looks wouldn’t be a significant factor holding them back because they’d be in the same league looks wise, hypothetically. That’s not even taking into account that looks are not the only factor in asking someone out and leagues are not something every person ascribes to. Really attractive people get asked out all the time lol.
I think it’s the energy and vibe your friend is giving off, which is that she’s closed off and doesn’t want to be approached. Why would anyone approach someone like that.
You had me right up till you said your male friends say she is “pretty”. That guy code for not very desirable. If she was those guys would be having you try fixing them up with her. I’m sure she is average and most likely average guys approach her but she doesn’t count those as approach cause “like grouse I’m better than that”. It like everything else in the market place the value is set buyers not seller and you are free to never sell if that is your bottom line.
Minimal opportunities with the opposite sex and introverted make it hard to get approached. If she wants some validation and attention she can get on a dating app. If she wants to get hit on more she can try being out and about in places where she'll be around a lot of open people like bars, parties, hangout, etc.
Some introverts give off vibes that they are not interested in being approached or talked to.
If your friend wants more attention she’s going to have to give a sign that she’s interested in someone approaching.
That can be as simple as making eye contact and smiling.
A good looking girl will get hit on. It might be a coincidence, but might also depend on where she typically find herself. If she goes to parties regularly, probably get hit on a lot… if she is spending all of her time in the library, probably a lot less
Pretty or not it depends the vibe she’s giving off. As a Sigma, I care more about character & personality. I have a girl now chasing me who’s pretty, charismatic, & gets approached a lot. And she flexes how’s she’s great & amazing to prove herself to me. In the end, it doesn’t matter what she say’s or proves. I make the decision to accept her or not. Girls chase what they can’t have. Everyone is different though
Wasn't there a report by one of the online dating sites (maybe Okcupid?) that said that the most attractive people actually got less messages than almost everyone else. Or was this a fever dream.
I absolutely believe that yes. The super attractive people get approached less because people think they are out of their league.
Yeah having RBF is also probably not helping me. It’s easier if I’m with a group of friends and I am talking and laughing but even then I’m not getting approached.
But by myself I Deff am not bc I have RBF, I try to sometimes give eye contact or say a comment here or there but it’s done nothing, it’s ridiculously hard
If you get rejected by a lesser goddess you can rationalize the situation by saying "oh well she wasn't that hot anyway." In younger days there was a song "if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life make an ugly woman your wife". There was a lot of wisdom in that song.
"Being beautiful=having numerous suitors = having high standards for partners". In today's internet-driven era, judging individuals based on their appearance is indeed a widespread phenomenon. It is well known that many social media platforms perpetuate such 'superficial' perceptions, such as the left-swipe, right-swipe dynamics of Tinder. The idea that really pretty girls get approached less is a common stereotype, but it's not necessarily universally true. Approaching someone is influenced by many factors beyond just physical appearance, including confidence, social skills, and personal preferences.
I assume by default that most girls don’t want to be approached, since there’s plenty of stuff online from girls complaining about being approached. Hence I find dating unbearably difficult.
I don’t know about other men, but it’s true for me. Most of my friends are women in the 8-10 attractiveness range, at least to me. Which also means that I have no romantic feelings toward them and am super comfortable. At my peak appearance, I feel I am a 7, mayyybe an 8, and I feel comfortable talking to and dating women who are in that range with me. (Right now I think I’m a 4 though lol.)
Note I don’t actually like rating appearance, it is just a helpful tool to explain my point.
Maybe what women define as beautiful and men define as beautiful are different when it comes to female beauty?
I noticed that all my female friends think their friends are all dimes... when the reality is they're all average
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Whether you're kinda pretty or extremely pretty doesn't really make a difference to most guys in terms of who we decide to approach. Instead we look for signs of approachability. Do you seem approachable? If you don't, we usually won't approach.
Nailed it. There is a huge difference between being attractive and being approachable. If she is not giving out any signals that she wants to be approached, then men aren’t going to approach despite being attractive (with the exception of the guys who just go around approaching anyone).
>with the exception of the guys who just go around approaching anyone And these are generally the guys you want to avoid as well :)
Usually true
If we take “anyone” literally, then that’s just an outgoing person. I think it’s weird when guys ONLY approach a woman they find attractive. If you see a cool dude or anyone who catches your attention, nothing wrong with acknowledging them and starting a quick chat about whatever. These random interactions make the mundane parts of the day more interesting.
I think we're all imagining the over-confident douchey types. I think the outgoing dudes you describe are approachable themselves, and probably chill as well.
Yeah those dudes are too intense haha
THIS
How does one "give out signals"
Easy signals: Prolonged eye contact, smiling. Intermediate: Wink, wave, make a “come here” motion. Advanced: Approach him yourself. Basically, you have to give a man an opening or reason to come talk to you. Just existing and being pretty is not good enough, because that applies to lots of women.
Talking from the perspective of a more distanced culture (germany), winking and "come here motions" would be too much. Here, signs of approachability include: looking fairly put together, looking up/at people, smiling, engaging with your surroundings, having a pep in your step haha. Hope that helps!
I agree winking and come here motions are too much. As a woman I shudder to think of the result from doing that 😂 but I also spent some formative years not in the US (Ireland) so there is that, too!
Try it, you will be surprised! You don't wink at every guy😂😂
How would someone differentiate between them smiling and maintaining eye contact by being friendly/polite and interested? Or am I a dunce and did not pick up on many of these signals? Would these same signals be applied to women by men? I’ve always felt a bit uncomfortable maintaining eye contact for very long or smiling as I don’t want to make another person uncomfortable
This happened to me accidentally when I was on a date. My date went to the bathroom when we were at a bar and I was looking around and a guy was making intense eye contact with me. I smiled because I didn’t know what else to do and he came up and started talking to me. My date came back from the bathroom and it was a very awkward situation. I told the other guy I didn’t mean for him to come over and I was just being polite. I felt like such a goober.
I had a situation similar. I (a man, straight) was at a bar and at some point I saw another guy looking fairly intently in my direction. The bar was dark so I was like "shit, do I know this guy? Is that Matt from college? Kinda looks like him," and so I'd maintain eye contact a bit trying to just LOOK at the guy to see if I knew him. I'd break eye contact, go back to my conversation, then see the guy looking my way again and I'm like "nah, I don't think that's Matt. I don't know who that is. He's probably not even looking at me." A few minutes later I've forgotten all about it, and I'm heading to the bar to get a refill, and the guy comes up beside me with "Can I buy you that drink?" I'm not homophobic, but it caught me by surprise because I immediately recognized that I had VERY MUCH misread the situation, and because I was embarassed by that I had simply said "that's ok, I got it," and then got out of there. In hindsight I really wish I had handled it differently. I wish I had laughed with the guy and explained how I had misread the situation and how he looked a good bit like an old college friend, and given the guy a chance to laugh at the situation as well and leave with his dignity less bruised.
eye contact and smiling might aren't gonna work lol
Eh. I have cripplingly-low self esteem... and even *I* would come over and say hi if woman maintained eye contact and smiled back at me. The bar is on the floor. So many people have closed-off body language, are lonely, and wonder why no one approaches.
Adding to what biscuit said, once the conversation starts you still have to contribute. If you're really pretty but barely speak because you're shy/nervous, then we'll think you feel like you're too good for us or not interested.
What do you do when you see a guy that you think is attractive, you want him to come talk to you, but you don’t want to approach him yourself? What do YOU do to get his attention it signal that you want him to talk to you?
Eye contact usually. If he's a stranger in public and he doesn't approach then I will. Well, I did it once, he looked at me crazy, and rejected me (even though he'd been staring at me for over an hour) Lol. Other than that, if he's around a place I frequent and I see him ill just approach If he doesn't.
Yeah. I think that more guys need to realize that if they’re out in public, and they notice a female stranger look at them for 1.5/2 seconds or longer, then it is likely that that is a sign that she’s interested in what she sees and he should go talk to her. Other common signs are playing with the hair, pointing her feet (and the front of her body) towards him, the proximity sign…you do what you think is right for you to get the guy’s attention if you want it. But those are just some common things that women inadvertently do when they’re interested in a guy, besides just going up and talking to him lol
Open seating next to you, no headphones in, phone not out, not distracted or looking like they're waiting for someone or something, eye contact, smiling, starting conversations, buying a drink, talking to the bartender, etc....
What are some signals that you can give if you want to be approached?
Make eye contact, smile. Not having much luck?
Idk people always talk about women being “approachable” i just don’t understand what that means. I approach people all the time, unless someone looks angry/upset or is clearly occupied with something I would assume it’s okay to approach. I actually do often have the problem the OP is describing, like people will constantly stop me and tell me I’m attractive, strangers compliment my appearance a lot, but men never initiate with me. Women do! And I date women so that’s nice. But I’ve had some guys tell me they were too scared or had no idea I was interested and it is frustrating. I get scared of rejection and I still give out my number and ask people out all the time.
I don't know. I guess I'd have to know you and see how you are to be able to provide useful feedback. Maybe ask some men who know you if they notice anything. You could women who are friends, but I'm afraid they'd likely tell you things like the OP is getting told, like you're too hot! These little boys are scared of your hotness! That may feel good to be told, it's not very helpful.
I already included what the men in my life had said about it “they were scared or oblivious to my interest”. So to me it seems like there is an issue with men being too scared to approach women, less with women appearing approachable.
You can choose to believe that if it makes you feel better, but it's not true. You said men *never* initiate with you. If they never approach you, it's a vibe you're giving off. I don't know what it is exactly, but if you would like that situation to change, choosing to believe men are just too scared of you isn't going to change your situation.
Okay then, lots of men who I find inappropriate approach me, frequently. Usually men who are old enough to be my grandparent. Also men who are interested in sex. They will approach. That, and the several other things I have already laid out as evidence from OTHERS not my assumptions, have all led me to believe that the *bigger* issue is younger generations of men are becoming too scared to approach women for dating. ETA- for some reason I can’t respond to comments on my comment so I’ll just edit this in. I’m actually not seeking advice from men who don’t know me. I was originally curious how people would define as “approachability” but I have not heard anything concrete or useful. I offered another possible solution to the question OP posed outside of “women need to be more approachable” because I’m tired of hearing that. I don’t have the issue of approachability. Lots of young women that I am excited to date approach me and I approach people that I am interested in. So I’m not looking to change myself and present as something I am not for a man to feel comfortable. I think there’s a lot of societal issues that have widened the social gap between genders, and I could write a whole think piece on *why* young men are feeling less comfortable approaching young women, but that isn’t really the point I’m making here. Sure, women can smile and make eye contact when they are feeling friendly. I’m sure they do. Men can also start working on respectfully approaching women. I haven’t seen too much of that. I was hoping posts like this one would be encouraging to young men, pretty girls are in fact waiting to be approached and open to it! But instead everyone keeps arguing with me insisting it is entirely on me to make men interested in me and I just *have* to be doing something wrong. I am not even arguing that! I literally said approachability is PART of the problem. And men’s fear of rejection and lack of emotional intelligence in dating is another part. I won’t be responding anymore I’ve said this clearly enough. Anyone else offering me unsolicited advice will be blocked.
OK, so you are being approached by men, just not the ones you want. That's ok, it's just a different problem, that I'm afraid I'm not equipped to advise you on. Except, if you're going to go down the path of blaming all men for your troubles with dating instead of yourself, you're going to struggle to improve your situation. You are the common denominator here. It's something you're doing that isn't attracting the kind of men you want. Maybe young men don't approach like they used to, but they're not *all* too scared to do it. I'm telling you this to try to help you. I don't know the problem, I just know blaming all men is going to get you nowhere.
I’ll tell you what…and I’m a guy saying this. I think it is more likely it’s the case that older people in general will show more overt interest in a younger person then people within that person’s age range. Because I’ve heard other girls say that older men are more often showing more overt interest in them. With me, I’ve had older women being more clear about thinking I’m attractive. So there’s that. And then to your other point. I would agree that men are more afraid to approach women these days, but not from a standpoint of trying to belittle them for it. I would also posit that it seems to them like women really are less approachable. In your case, if you’re not getting approached by the guys you want, you may have to make tweaks to your appearance or demeanor, make it “easier” for them to come up and talk to you if that makes sense. Be more friendly to them in particular as opposed to other guys that are around. Idk if you’re already doing this, but trying being in a happier mood, have more open body language, and have a more inviting vibe around the guys that you like specifically, because you do want them to break the ice with you.
I often get told I am intimidating and I don't understand why. I make eye contact. I smile. I'm not that pretty lol. I only get approached by what I've called the "spray shooters".
Resting bitch face. Try to get your friends to get photos of you while your face is relaxed. It might be a case where you look angry or upset even if you are not. Kristen Stewart and Kanye West have it.
if you want to be approached then do something obvious like waving or whatever, eye contact and smiling ain't gonna look like a signal to anyone who is not actively looking for signals
This is extremely discouraging because I have a rbf that makes it look like I’m about to murder someone
I think this, and applies to any kind of woman.
For real, I don’t “approach” women unless she has made it clear through her nonverbal communication that she wants me to talk to her
And remember to approach people you like as a woman too.
So good to know this
Exactly that that’s why I have y he illest resting bitch face and tune everyone who approaches me out because I don’t want to get approached at all but I still get approached but it’s usually by the bold ones that can’t take a hint though
I disagree. I knew a girl once that *everyone* found attractive. When we would go out to clubs and bars, 99% of men would approach her, literally lining up. She was kind of gormless looking, struggled to speak and rarely spoke, and that didn’t bother men. If someone is 11/10- everyone will shoot their shot - even other women’s husbands in front of the wives and gfs (from what I saw).
I think she likely came off as shy, but that doesn't necessarily mean unapproachable. What's the explanation for women who don't get approached by men? It's not that they're too attractive, despite what some people like to say. As you say, this girl had people lining up. She must have been giving off a friendly vibe, Making eye contact, etc.
No she didn’t. She looked neutral, neither friendly nor unfriendly. She would entertain the advances of *anyone*, so that is what probably encouraged every single man in any space, to approach. She would give her number to anyone of any appearance, aesthetic, age - absolutely anyone, even if she was on a date or if it was a love interest of her friend, or someone’s husband or bf.
Well, I think that explains why she got so much attention. Even if she has a neutral expression on her face, if she's just simply looking around at people and making eye contact, that will often be interpreted as an invitation to approach. Many women do not do this. You must have been out and seen lots of women who appear uncomfortable even being g there. Would you ever approach a woman that gave that impression?
Fair point.
What is critical thinking
Holy shit holy shit holy shit this is the realest comment about this. SHOW SIGNS OF APPROACHABILITY.
Most men assume very attractive girls already get hit on 100 times a day and that they are most likely already in a relationship. The respectful dudes out there don't want to be the 101st guy that adds to her stress.
Bingo. I mean I don't approach anyone anyway because most people don't want to be bothered when they're out with friends or running errands lol.
You might be surprised how many actually don’t mind or are flattered when they are approached, instead of thinking that you are bothering them. Be cool and charismatic about it and it could be at the very least be an enjoyable interaction for them
>Be cool and charismatic I'm gonna stop you right there.
More like be attractive.
Ha! You have to be attractive or you'll be deemed a creep. Rarely an in-between.
Yeah that's not me lol. I'm not walking up to women so they can have a pleasant interaction. Any time I'm in public I'm either shopping or hanging out with my friends and I'm not interested honestly. I don't think I've ever been in public and spotted some random woman that I just HAD to approach. I generally don't pay a whole lot of attention to others in that way because they're unimportant in my daily life.
I never said to do it simply for the sole purpose of giving them a pleasant interaction…
Brother ive had women follow me around the grocery store lmao. Sometimes its alright to talk to them in public. Its actually easier to because youre surrounded by conversation starters. Theres even a tiktok account where this dude goes around getting numbers in a store. Its a POV for people too shy and need examples how to act.
Yeah I live in NY and people generally aren't looking for that kind of interaction when they're running errands. I wouldn't use TikTok as an example because of how often people fake shit for attention. Reminds me of the 2010s "Kissing Prank" videos lol.
Tbh, once I hung out with a super hot girl like "you have to be a model" kinda girl. Literally walked 5 minutes on the street and 3 different guys asked her to marry them. Lots of others catcalls and stops to tell her she was beautiful but it made me feel supper bizarre seeing so many people be into her. Kinda like the last scene in the perfume lol
....and they (correctly) think they haven't got a shot in hell so why bother?
https://imgur.com/yQRJ4gj
self-cancelling prophecy
Uh, it's true isn't it? That's why men shouldn't approach women in public. They don't want you to.
They do get hit on 100 times a day. My ex wife was Swedish, 5’9” blonde with green eyes, reasonably pretty and she got hit on all the time.
This right here, plus I get extremely shy when I find someone attractive too.
I agree with this. Also, I often think "she probably has a boyfriend anyway" which is mostly true.
I’ll be honest, I don’t approach girls I find physically attractive because I get intimidated by it. But that’s no one’s problem but mine. I’m just too much of a wuss.
And I’m sure many guys think exactly like you! It’s understandable
I'm in the the same boat, to be fair I find myself repulsive in some ways so it is hard for me to ever believe most girls would ever be interested in me romantically. Most of them just seem too good for me so I just don't bother even trying.
I feel the exact same way. I don’t love myself, so how can I expect anyone to love me? But I’m learning every day to accept myself for who I am with all my flaws and insecurities.
I think because most men will feel she’s out of his league. Not a lot of men like to get rejected. The girls who tend to be popular are the one who’s approachable and a “little bit pretty. When approaching a very beautiful girl, the man has to be either very confident and/or think of himself just as good looking as the girl.
Two therapists have told me that for very attractive women it is typically narcissistic men that approach. Not saying that’s what you’re saying, but it is aligned enough to warrant this comment.
>typically narcissistic men that approach Or just guys with enough self-confidence. Jesus, people what's wrong with you
And typically narcissistic men are the ones with the most self-confidence
An introverted woman who doesn't know how to flirt, or at least make conversation, can be beautiful and men will still avoid her because of the shutdown vibe she's giving off. No one wants to waste their time with somebody who does not appear to be receptive to being approached no matter how gorgeous they are.
I simply pass away when trying to flirt haha
Same girl same. My brain stops working😭 and I can't even look them in the eye
Amen. I feel like a deer in headlights. I have a cute neighbor and I swear I only seem to see them when I’m fumbling, in my jammies, no make up on, and just picked up my dogs massive shit, so I actively avoid making eye contact at that point
I can give you a tipp. If you approach him (even in your jammies and without make up on) he would be happy, trust me. Esspecialy if you can keep up an great conversation. So, if you want to go for it, just do it. You would be surprised how many men don't dare to talk to woman because they're shy or sometging like that. If you want to approach him, just do it. Wish you the best 😁
Ahhh saaaaames!!!! I’m terrible.. I just keep staring at the ground whenever I’m around guys I like.. I give off such a bad vibe 🤣🤣 xxx
The worst part is as a guy I would take all of these as I'm bothering you and just try to politely excuse myself
I know. I'm working on it. I try to smile before I run away
Spot on. There’s a night and day difference to the attention/advances I get when I make a point to smile, laugh and engage with the people around me vs when I sit quietly with a RBF.
I'm just going to pretend I'm really pretty and that's why I'm not approached.
Hey
**From what I've seen, pretty girls DO get approached more.** * Specifically, I knew a woman who was nearly model perfect. * Men would interrupt conversations she was having with someone else just to talk to her. * They would push other men out of the way to talk to her. * Every guy I knew had a crush on her (including me) and would bring her up in conversation that had nothing to do with her. * One time a group of us were talking about how dating was so hard in "X" city. * She spoke up and said, "I don't know why people say that. Dating is so easy." * I almost choked on a laugh. * It's easy for her because she's in the top 1% of attractive people.
And at the same time, bottom 1% in empathy, savvy and ability to read a room, eh?
Bottom 1% in empathy is a little harsh. Just oblivious to how the world works for normal people in this area.
Fair. So "not top 1% in empathy," better?
much better.
Yup. Same situation, beautiful friend who is always smiling and is generally approachable, but most dudes assume that someone that hot has to have a boyfriend.
They know she is out of their league. They also know how often very good-looking women get approached/harassed a lot and want no part of that. We don't want to be that guy. We also know some guys will hit on her right in front of her BF/husband just to play mind games. I've seen it play out. That sh\*t is dangerous.
Yes, because as men we either assume they get hit on all the time and don't want to add to them being annoyed or being that they are so pretty we just assume they are already taken
>P.S she's really introverted and rarely talks with the opposite sex. I wonder if this is one of the reasons. I would say this is *the* reason. This idea that a woman can be *too attractive* and therefore men don't approach her is just untrue. Yes, some men may think a very attractive woman is out of their league and so will not try, but that doesn't explain a woman not being approached by any men at all. Hot women get hit on all the time. But even the most confident men will not approach a woman if they think they're very likely wasting their time. If she seems standoffish and unapproachable, they'll try with someone else.
my friend considers me more attractive than her in terms of looks, yet she is always the one that gets approached. never once have i been asked for my number or instagram in person. ppl have told me that i am intimidating, cold, and just unapproachable in general. i know that i am attractive, but the vibe i give off prevents ppl from approaching me. i find that i have to be the one to approach ppl first
Most guys won't hit on her for several reasons. A) they already have it in their heads that she will say no to them (she's attractive and commands a lot more on the dating scene, she can be choosy.) B) attractive women are intimidating, some guys get nervous around really beautiful women and just won't take the risk. C) She might have a resting bitch face or seems unapproachable or standoffish. Basically most men will shoot their shot with less attractive women much more frequently because they feel like they have a greater chance of success. But most would probably rather have the attractive woman.
Ignore these maniacs. Hot girls do not get hit on nearly as much as people think, and the ones that do hit on them tend to be the worst, a fact I discovered by accident at age fifteen and other guys just totally refuse to believe.
How did you discover this?
They approach girls who are approachable!
I'm not sure. If you're also a woman could it mean that you think she's attractive because she's your bestie but she may not be as attractive to men as you presume? I ask out women who are easy to ask out. If I'm at a bar and her friends start talking to me and I notice her and a conversation flows easily, I ask her out. But I don't go up to random women and just ask them out. It's kinda like if there's an opportunity and I feel we're both comfortable I do it.
Women think all their friends are attractive lol. That's why she added the "beautiful on the inside" at the end. But let's assume she is as gorgeous as OP says, she would be hit on A LOT. But she doesn't because she's not approachable.
Ya I mean without more information she's either not as attractive as OP believes or not approachable either because she's shy or intimidating. Without knowing what she looks like and how she behaves not sure
I looked at her post history and she asked the same question a year ago, but that time it was about her lmao There is no “beautiful friend”, this post is about herself 😂
probably because she isnt playing her role in the approach process. she should be looking at guys, smiling, getting close, etc. she can't just sit in the corner with her headphones on looking down. that won't work no matter how pretty you are.
Lmfao exactly. I had a date with such a girl. She wished men would approach women more but then I pointed out the headphones she showed up with to the date. Are we supposed to snatch them off their heads? Lmao
I just assume they are in a relationship already
I consider myself average and I never get approached. I have friends that I consider attractive and they get approached all the time. Guys will damn near physically push me out of the way for the opportunity to buy them a drink.
Sounds like you are at a bar or club. That's a huge difference. Men are drunk or tipsy there. They don't have inhibitions at that point. Also, clubs and bars are places where you are expected to be social. But outside in the normal world, she's probably not being approached much.
In my experience... Yeah the more attractive a woman the less likely I will approach her . I will assume that she has a long list of guys flirting with her, and knowing that I am not that attractive I will not waste my time and emotional energy chasing something that it is very unlikely to happen. But that's just me
No, this is absurd. Girls who are introverted, don't go out much or dress really conservatively and look/appear "cold" (I don't mean this in a negative sense, some girls are smiley and inviting and others not so much), will inevitably draw less attention regardless of what they look like. If ur body language, ur face, etc scream "do not talk to me", fewer men will talk to you. That doesn't mean 0 (unfortunately, some men are impervious to all this) but I guarantee, fewer.
Unfortunately, I find when women seek advice, they're very often told things to make them feel better, instead of being given useful advice. The idea that the OP's friend is just way too attractive and all these men just can't handle her hotness might boost her self esteem, but it's not going to actually help her situation. She very likely comes off as unapproachable.
I'd say that there's probably a linear relationship between how attractive a girl is and how much she's approached. Unfortunately, the Dunning-Kruger effect exists, where in reality, its scientifically proven that people on average tend to overestimate their abilities -- by a LONG shot. Horny men are no exception. Despite how shy some men will be, many men are very audacious and ambitious, and have absolutely no clue how unappealing they are.
Yes. Not to sound like an asshole, I pretty much never get approached, and if I do, it’s by disgusting perverts who say the most vile things because they are used to rejection.
I would say that it's a big possibility that they do get approached less. However I'd imagine it's a major issue for them if they give a man any kind of positive attention I'm sure the likelihood of him pursuing at least a phone number or date is probably really likely and annoying cuz I'd imagine that would happen quite a bit.
Approaching a woman can be intimidating. Not only that, but if they don't seem approachable then why would I? Also.. if you want something, why not pursue it? Break the norms of men having to be the one to approach and ask out. We've got maybe 75-80 years on Earth if we're very lucky. Don't waste your time being afraid to go after what you want.
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We assume pretty girls are already in relationships
Yeah, I noticed this about guys. I think a pretty girl makes them nervous so they pick an average looking woman. Many men expect rejection so in order to minimize the possibility of getting rejected they lower their standards (looks-wise). Every girl that I know that is okay looks-wise even overweight is married with kids. The beautiful women I know are single. Some assume that a beautiful woman must be in a relationship. I feel sad for the beautiful women, everyone assumes they have everything.
I would say is 50/50 with they believing there is not men on earth worthy of her time and space
If I didn't approach people I like myself I would have had two partners my entire life. The only people that approach me are rich players that think they own the world.
I always assume every beautiful girl is taken. Cause in my experience, they are. Like, from the moment of birth.
For me I get approached less because I have a rbf and it’s STRONGGGG. So only men with massive egos approach me, I’m working on it tho.
Really pretty girls actually don’t get approached very much, relatively speaking, because the vast majority of men realize they have no chance with them. They get a lot of worship from afar, but only a few guys have the stones to go for them.
It's called intimidation... good looks can be, and many men feel that they will have to or have no chance to contend with an assumed amount of suitors a very attractive woman will have. It's all psychological. However, it could also be spoiled by the fact that there's some attractive but know it too much and feel as if they're owed something. They spoil it for the rest
I find women who reach a certain threshold of attractiveness to be intimidating. I automatically assume they think I'm out of their league.
It’s not about looks. I don’t approach women that don’t seem confident. I get turned off by women that are not confident. Something doesn’t add up. “Everyone keeps showering her with compliments all the time.” Men are part of ‘everyone’. How are these men complimenting her? Also, she’s relying on men approaching her to feel good. Feeling good is an inside job. She can work on her self-esteem.
I would assume she’s in a relationship, intentionally single, or has a terrible personality. All are reasons for me to leave her alone.
If I see somone that’s attractive, I just assume 100 other people also do. I don’t want to constantly be competing against others to keep someone’s attention, so I just don’t bother.
Who's showering her with compliments? Other women? There's a difference between what women & men find pretty... and women will usually praise each other as "you're a 10, beautiful, flawless" even if they actually aren't but women don't wanna be mean and say stuff like "ehh you're mid". This type of question is posted all the time and it's usually the same type of "my friend is gorgeous and everyone says so! why isn't she getting approached?" . And the part about even guy friends saying she's pretty, dudes would say something like "she's hot" if they found her sexually attractive not just "ehhh yeah she's pretty...".... somebody would have made a pass at her by now. I think the answer is something the difference with girl pretty vs boy pretty
There are actually several interesting studies on this but it happens more than most think. It’s the self doubt/defeatism mindset of “she would never go for me” or “she must already have a man/get hit on constantly” so a lot of men don’t even try. It definitely happens.
Men. Please stop thinking like this. Women too honestly. So you get rejected, boo fucking hoo man life is so hard and we have so much harder shit to deal with and focus our energy on. Someone turns you down it’s not the end of the world. Think about how many jobs your applied to before getting one. Think about how we apply to multiple schools when going to college. Rejection is a part of life. It’s UNAVOIDABLE so the faster we get used to it the better our lives get. Go out and get rejected today!!!!
Best comment out here. People in this thread are saying bullshit like that they don't approach women because said women will get uncomfortable. Yah, so what? You're also getting out of your comfort zone. And if you're not being a creep, then that's a good kind of discomfort. Stop believing everything they say on social media, because that's not the reality we people are living in. Go outside and actually talk to girls.
This 👏🏻
I share her story. I get guys trying to approach me on social media, though. Even tho I get complimented a lot, I never find a match. The guys I like couldn’t be more disinterested in me, and the ones that like me I don’t like… but in real life I notice people looking at me and never approaching.
More attractive women may also not be aware or comfortable putting out signals to the guys they want approaching them.
Yes, really pretty girls get approached less because it's less painful to be rejected by an ugly woman than a pretty one.
Imo its more painfull been rejected by an ugly girl
Men don't want to take the risk of any potential negatives. We don't know who they are, what's going on in their head, or what they're capable of. Best to not approach at all.
It is hard to give advice without knowing her age and the age of the men she is trying to attract. However if she isn’t attracting guys and you think maybe she is too pretty, have her dress down a bit and see if that helps….
In my experience it does help! Dress down = approached more. Not including sun dresses LOL.
Idk I’m incredibly introverted & have perpetual ‘don’t talk to me’ bitch face and men do not fuck off in the slightest. I think it’s just based on your surroundings & bad/good luck (also, I’ve noticed I get hit on even with a wedding ring. Barf).
I’ve been told by multiple male friends that they were attracted to me, either at one point or still were, but that I intimidated them, or they didn’t think they’d have a chance with me. I don’t know if that’s all due to looks or to personality, but I feel like I’m a pretty approachable person, so….maybe it’s the looks?
Being approachable isn't just about beauty it's about being approachable. Demeanor, setting, facial expressions, body language it all makes someone appealing to strangers or it turns them off. But in today's day and age judging your attractiveness by how often you get approached as a pool's errand. Most sensible guys just aren't going to do it... Regardless of how good you look.
Pretty + shy = bitchy to most people...unfortunately
Depends who's approaching. I don't think pretty girls get approached *less* but rather approached less by men they *want* to be approached by. I would bet that she gets approached PLENTY but, by creeps, pervs, and men she has zero interest in. I do think her introverted personality and overall unaproachable look could have a LOT to do with it too...
>. I don't think pretty girls get approached less but rather approached less by men they want to be approached by That go for all women regardless looks
I know but we are talking about this post, which is about pretty girls.
Absolutely, so true
Yes. People on either end of the bell curve get approached less but for different reasons. On the extremely attractive side people self-select and don’t approach because they assume they don’t have a chance and don’t want to risk (assumed to be guaranteed) rejection.
I have to say for me, it's a lot about how I dress. If I dress in my combat boots and all black, I'm NEVER approached. But when I wear some converse and color, I get approached a lot. I've learned my attire changed a lot of how people interact with me outside.
Men don't want to take the risk of any potential negatives. We don't know who they are, what's going on in their head, or what they're capable of. Best to not approach at all.
The thing is that there are a lot of men that will not approach women anymore due to not wanting to be looked at as creeps, some lack confidence especially when it’s someone that’s extremely attractive. Always just gotta make a move. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.
Most guys have to work up a lot of courage to approach a beautiful woman out of the blue. Easier if you met at a party or at work or something more natural feeling.
I *just* started talking to a girl at my local pool. I have zero romantic intention, it's purely platonic. She's new to the area, so am I. We both like swimming etc. She freely talks to me with no problems. I've already become very stand off-ish and its only the second time of talking to her because I don't want to come across as a creep. There's another girl I had quick interation with, in passing, although we noticed each other a few more times. Very attractive. Won't be talking to her because of the location.
Yes
I’ll take one for the team. Send her deets. 👀😅
I've been told I'm pretty, but I also have hella RBF and definitely give off "don't look at me" vibes. When I was younger I didn't know what was wrong with me or why no one seemed to approach me. Then I got a vibe check and now I get it. If I'm in a mood to be approached, now I'll just smile more, make more eye contact, open up that body language, and sometimes I'll get approached.
Average and slightly above looks type of women tend to get approached more because more guys feel like they are approachable. The very attractive ones don't get approach as much. Additionally, women who have a certain "open" vibe just attract male attention. Having dated attractive women, there are just the types that are addicted to attention and they always end up in tricky situations. I've dated very attractive women who just exude a "stay away from me" or "i'm not here to socialize" vibe. The latter is best for long term relationship.
Most guys are too scared to do anything. You’ll hear every excuse under the sun as to why guys don’t talk to random women more often. Talking to the hottest women is easier than most guys think.
I hope so because that’s what I keep telling myself is the reason I don’t get approached often
Call me an idiot but has she considered approaching men yet?
Where do you guys live? I’m starting to think it’s more about where you live. When I lived in Vancouver, it was very rare for me to get hit on unless I was in a bar. When i lived in Montreal, it was all the time, anywhere! I realized that I wasn’t unattractive, just living in the wrong place.
If you are not outgoing then you will seem unapproachable. As an old guy who was an introvert way back then, was the same way. Don’t worry about your friend,or yourself,your time will come…
Your friends feeling of self-confidence should not depend on whether guys approach her or not. Tell her she needs to fix that
No, it’s more about personality than anything. Introverts give off a vibe that they don’t want to be bothered.
It’s also true for really attractive men I never get hit on I can only assume it’s because I’m so gosh darn handsome
Leagues innit, everybody thinks she's out and of theirs.
Sometimes yes. For instance, guys who buy into the concept of "leagues". People get intimidated or think there is no way she is single. Many of my more stunning friends get stares but much more rarely get approached.
I don’t think it has to do with being pretty or very attractive. I’m sure there are really attractive guys who’d approach a really attractive girl and looks wouldn’t be a significant factor holding them back because they’d be in the same league looks wise, hypothetically. That’s not even taking into account that looks are not the only factor in asking someone out and leagues are not something every person ascribes to. Really attractive people get asked out all the time lol. I think it’s the energy and vibe your friend is giving off, which is that she’s closed off and doesn’t want to be approached. Why would anyone approach someone like that.
Tbh yeah. Guys are intimidated by conventionally attractive women. If they get rejected, they know it'll hurt their feelings or self-esteem
You had me right up till you said your male friends say she is “pretty”. That guy code for not very desirable. If she was those guys would be having you try fixing them up with her. I’m sure she is average and most likely average guys approach her but she doesn’t count those as approach cause “like grouse I’m better than that”. It like everything else in the market place the value is set buyers not seller and you are free to never sell if that is your bottom line.
It's because 99% of men don't have the confidence to approach a 10
Men approach women who are approachable. Your friend is not approachable.
Also wondering if men are less likely to approach a tall girl?
Minimal opportunities with the opposite sex and introverted make it hard to get approached. If she wants some validation and attention she can get on a dating app. If she wants to get hit on more she can try being out and about in places where she'll be around a lot of open people like bars, parties, hangout, etc.
Approachability is key. That's hard when she's an introvert.
Some introverts give off vibes that they are not interested in being approached or talked to. If your friend wants more attention she’s going to have to give a sign that she’s interested in someone approaching. That can be as simple as making eye contact and smiling.
A good looking girl will get hit on. It might be a coincidence, but might also depend on where she typically find herself. If she goes to parties regularly, probably get hit on a lot… if she is spending all of her time in the library, probably a lot less
People always say they/their friends are pretty, and they turn out ugly af. You could subjectively look at a person and know if they’re ugly or not.
Yeah, it can be intimidating
Many guys self censor or assume she’s already taken. I think a 4-7 (I’m so sorry I hate the ten scale shit) would get approached most often.
Maybe can tell her to smile more to the ones that she is interested or likes so it can be considered as a green signal
go to your nearest bar/club. locate the fat girls and locate the slim/attractive girls. take note of how many times they are approached.
Intimidation factor
She’s not that pretty
Pretty or not it depends the vibe she’s giving off. As a Sigma, I care more about character & personality. I have a girl now chasing me who’s pretty, charismatic, & gets approached a lot. And she flexes how’s she’s great & amazing to prove herself to me. In the end, it doesn’t matter what she say’s or proves. I make the decision to accept her or not. Girls chase what they can’t have. Everyone is different though
Bad vibes, don’t overthink it
Wasn't there a report by one of the online dating sites (maybe Okcupid?) that said that the most attractive people actually got less messages than almost everyone else. Or was this a fever dream. I absolutely believe that yes. The super attractive people get approached less because people think they are out of their league.
I always assume pretty women are taken and don’t wanna be bothered by me.
Yeah having RBF is also probably not helping me. It’s easier if I’m with a group of friends and I am talking and laughing but even then I’m not getting approached. But by myself I Deff am not bc I have RBF, I try to sometimes give eye contact or say a comment here or there but it’s done nothing, it’s ridiculously hard
I don't approach pretty girls because I have a stereotype that all of them are already taken
If you get rejected by a lesser goddess you can rationalize the situation by saying "oh well she wasn't that hot anyway." In younger days there was a song "if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life make an ugly woman your wife". There was a lot of wisdom in that song.
"Being beautiful=having numerous suitors = having high standards for partners". In today's internet-driven era, judging individuals based on their appearance is indeed a widespread phenomenon. It is well known that many social media platforms perpetuate such 'superficial' perceptions, such as the left-swipe, right-swipe dynamics of Tinder. The idea that really pretty girls get approached less is a common stereotype, but it's not necessarily universally true. Approaching someone is influenced by many factors beyond just physical appearance, including confidence, social skills, and personal preferences.
I assume by default that most girls don’t want to be approached, since there’s plenty of stuff online from girls complaining about being approached. Hence I find dating unbearably difficult.
Your best friend sounds exactly like my life
A theory - Pretty girls may get approached more, but that’s offset but men being afraid to approach- so it cancels each other out.
I don’t know about other men, but it’s true for me. Most of my friends are women in the 8-10 attractiveness range, at least to me. Which also means that I have no romantic feelings toward them and am super comfortable. At my peak appearance, I feel I am a 7, mayyybe an 8, and I feel comfortable talking to and dating women who are in that range with me. (Right now I think I’m a 4 though lol.) Note I don’t actually like rating appearance, it is just a helpful tool to explain my point.
Usually when girls tell me their friend is pretty and I meet them, I check to make sure it’s not April’s fool
Maybe what women define as beautiful and men define as beautiful are different when it comes to female beauty? I noticed that all my female friends think their friends are all dimes... when the reality is they're all average