Sorry I’m locking this post- Jesus Christ people this is a CIRCLE JERK SUB. Read the rules before commenting holy shit.

Good lord man, hang a rope to on the ceiling so she can pull herself up. THINK!

Needs to be bootstraps, not ropes.

Possibly, but grandma needs to get her strength up.

How dare you, bootstrap pulling is a highly respected form of exercise!

Motorized bootstraps are the next big thing.

 Grandma will be like

That would be me! 😆

That has always been me. When they lowered those ropes in gym, I always died a little inside.

Same! What was worse was my mom sent me to school in dresses. Gym teacher didn't care. Climbing a rope in a dress..ugh..I think the GIF guy is doing a better job 🤣

OMG.... LOL

It’s all about the feet! I could never get a foot off the ground until I learned (in CrossFit, I know 🙄) you wrap one foot around the rope and you don’t even need upper body strength, of which I had none.

We never had a rope. I thought ropes in gym class were a TV myth. To be honest, I was always a little disappointed. I wanted to see if I could climb it at all.

She has to get down, too--so make it a slide! You're never too old for fun!

Zipline ---- wheeeeeeeeeee!!!

- UP: handrail on the wall - DOWN: install a slide next to the staircase! alternatively, move everything she needs to the ground floor, put up a "no mothers allowed" sign by the stairs and enjoy the private floor

This is the advice of a true interior designer!

Make the whole upstairs a master bed walk in closet and bath. Depending how big it is.

lol I thought the same. That way you can put the sex swing upstairs no issues.

What about a fireman's pole? Takes up less space and when she dies you've already got the stripper pole ready for the funeral.

also wrap her in bubble wrap any time she uses them for extra protection. women love clothes and it will feel like a new outfit

And if she complains just tell her to *calm down!!* It works like a charm.

OMG yes! As a woman, I admit hearing a loving partner say, “calm down” helps me soooo much!!!! It is like the most supporting statement, ever!!!!! And I feel so understood and loved…. it feels like being in a lavender scened bubble bath with little candles glowing.

My personal fave is, “chill out” followed by the close second of, “why are you making such a big deal out of this?!” It really helps me ground my thoughts and emotions in the deep well of his confidence and power to solve all my problems. Which brings me to the second point of how any woman could possibly survive without men there to listen to them just wanting to vent and then subsequently minimize their problems by solving them in just a few sentences, followed by the mandatory lecture that only an alpha man can make.

great tip! and if she slips and falls anyway? just tell her she looks prettier when she’s smiling and she’ll stop being upset!

I can tell her I can give her something to cry about.

And you can have a good laugh at her when she bounces

Every time

50% of the time it works every time

And listen to her complaint intently. Then when she asks what you’re going to do about it - Well I listened and I feel your struggle. I’ve stopped trying to fix other peoples issues, now I really focus on the listening and feeling the persons pain.

Just occurred to me that somewhere out there is a woman whose kink is to be told to calm down.

Oh, Lord! I’m sure you’re right.

Relax Grandma! Take a chill pill!

Hahaha

Or say, “quit being hysterical, Mom!!!”

Buy her the highest pair of stilettos you can find as well, as women love new shoes and the taller she is, the sooner she'll make it to the top.

I’m wheezing!

Do you need an inhaler?

I found one! hahaha

I have 2 extras.

Wrap her in pillows. Chicks dig pillows.

Put pockets in it and it just might work

Don't forget the pockets!

Add pockets tho. It’s allll about the pockets!

Have you thought of just going no contact with her? She sounds like an abusive gaslighter

Definitely a narcissist

I’m weeping. Why is this comment on every post no matter the topic. Top tier humor well done

On Reddit, we are all narcissists, comrade!

Communarcissists.

And to round it out, we need to find a way to work a divorce into our suggestions. OP - can you get your spouse to divorce you over this MIL problem?

What about the gym and deleting Facebook?? Did they lawyer up?

Too late!

That generation doesn’t plan ahead

They don’t care to. They live in the now. What feels good now. What serves them now.

Unless she's got Helen Mirren levels of style, she'll just clash with the decor and make it all look dated anyway. It's for the best.

This

Needs to go to a DV shelter now

Place a Werther's original on each step and have a TV loudly playing Law & Order upstairs, she'll find her way up there in no time. Now down. I assume nobody comes down those steps, so you can have an infinite party up there!

You have me cackling

If Law & Order doesn’t work, try Fox News. It’s the only way I can get my grandparents into bed! Theyre a handful.

No no no not law and order ... murder she wrote damnit. You clearly don't know an old person.

Matlock works too.

Columbo works if they’re over 90

Try Hallmark movies

And Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. Also, Perry Mason.

Get her the Wearable Airbag https://preview.redd.it/xdhujsuaa5lc1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=c93c38316f0d938145a952dd01c393428c9b2cbf

https://preview.redd.it/2g4v96fqj5lc1.jpeg?width=1001&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=2fec073577840d86b81e53477b4e413710dfcfda Don’t forget something for the kids!

not Tim and Eric material

This…can’t be..real?

It's not finished. This is just the first step before they added the steps and railings. This picture has been floating around the internet for a while, but there's also pictures out there of the finished version.

Pretty sure they were commenting on the wearable airbag, not the stairs.

I thought maybe the treads were plexi or something I was so confused 🤣🤣

The second one looks like a top down view for a sec until I realized it was actually the side.

close thread, we solved it xD

Why does this look like Jeff Daniels?

This reminds me of a patient I had that used the floor bicycle in his living room and would use a helmet while using it.

Gotta be careful yknow

Suicide stairs

What creative stairs!  Well,  the thought of walking up those makes me want to vomit, so a trash can or airplane bags would be good!

You can use your vomit to put out the candles!

They're not creative, just incomplete. I've seen pictures online of the finished stairs after they added the steps and railings.

could you possibly link them? i’d love to see it but im not sure what to search haha

It is shocking how many people think I am serious. Even some calling me names :( That is just crazy for a satire sub. It is nice to lighten up and have some fun sometimes y'all! I saw some of the best comments I have ever seen today! Thank you for causing me to cackle.

Hey- for you and anyone- please report comments or posts that are mean! I can’t sift through every comment but I can see reports and make a judgement call if someone is being a buzzkill or a bully.

That’s so crazy because out of all the circle jerk subs I’m on this is the most mild 😂 It’s funny af, it’s just not *as* inappropriate as others

I absolutely love this sub! Today though a guy cursed me out for this post. It has to really bring out the angry folks

Just put grandmas bed under the stairs and there ya go!she can have a first hand look as the rest of the family enjoys the lavishness of broken ankles, smashed tibias and bruised crotches.

You could build a closet and give her a cute little bedroom!

Or a reading nook!

Install a stair lift, silly. It's both functional AND extremely trendy. Since it's a machine, it gives the stairs a modern, futuristic look. Look how sleek and modern this bad boy looks :) https://preview.redd.it/bvpcnuilj5lc1.jpeg?width=480&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=01338c0d74506053ec8e98ad20938f16b69512b4

That shit would drive me up the wall !

Touché, Vikingtender. I hate myself for laughing at this lmao

😂😂😂


I definitely came here to say this but you r/beatmetoit

Grandma needs to toughen up. Get her some cleats

I would tell her to put a cardboard and slide down. She can crawl up or you could do a pulley system.

my guess is your mom is a building inspector. they’re always ruining everything

She thinks she is the inspector of every single thing I do!

A bungee harness. That’s always a good alternative.

I like this idea a lot!

Love this! Especially if you have little ones around. Babies see bold black objects really easily so this seems like a great idea for baby proofing!

That’s what I have been thinking! Currently redecorating the area of my house where I run a daycare (mostly babies and toddlers) and these are PERFECT

Gift her some magnet shoes for her birthday.

It seems as if your mother in law is slowly losing mobility. The best way to fix this would be to increase her physical activity so the stairs are no longer a problem, and give her something else to focus on rather than complaining. The best way to hit both of these goals at once naturally is the Yellowstone Method. Release some natural predators, such as wolves, into the environment. Your mother in laws fear instinct will kick back in and her priorities will shift, physical fitness will become second nature to her and she will be able to spring up those steps at a sprint at little more than the sound of a cracked twig in the distance.

Finally, drunk proof stairs to stop you from sleeping soundly in your bed! A 1920s prohibition dream!

Your mother is a wimp! My grandmother could take these stairs 2 at a time. And she uses a walker! It takes real skill to line up the tennis balls with each stair riser, but my granny is a warrior.

These stairs are a great way to fall to your death. My gosh..

OP needs to take out a life insurance policy on his mother. Problem solved!

Not me trying to contact Tom Selleck

You are far from an "innocent man"

Just wrap some pool noodles around them. Easy fix

I love this idea. What about also making her wear pool floaties for extra cushion?

Maybe put up a cute nautical style rope so she’ll feel more comfortable! It will match the blue and the wood. She can hoist herself up as if she’s on a ship!

Definitely get one of those power chairs people install to ride up their stairs…would definitely go with the aesthetic 👌

Is OP a cat?

I wish

An electric chair elevator will blend in great with the aesthetics of the space.

Your mom is still using stairs instead of free climbing up the wall??? This is 2024 not 1905, tell her to she needs to get with the times!

Ever try getting adopted by someone less “complainy”?

didnt realize this was a circlejerk sub at first and was like wtf 😭

I am so glad you looked because I have spent the bulk of the time on here informing others that is what it is. Have gotten called all sorts of names. Fun times.

Send her to PT for leg strengthening. She should be good to go within a week, no excuses.

Some people are only happy if they’re aggrieved.

SHADY PINES, MA! SHADY PINES!

Some people can't climb up those. Get a cannon at the bottom of the stairs and a bike helmet so she can fire herself up the stairs.

To nursing home she goes

Does your mom not Cirque de Soleil? My grandmother regularly aerial silks down to her basement. It’s called agility.

In the Netherlands, the Dutch call this a "graduated closet". The idea is that one hangs progressively longer items of clothing going up. Drape socks over the lowest rung, hang ballgowns from the highest rung, etc. Having them double as stairs is really an efficient use of space - brava! 👏🏻

You could always put a dumpster with the lid open under the stairs for emergencies.

You can install a large wooden plank down so she can slip n slide down to the kitchen.

She could definitely use them… *once*.

Point and laugh at her when she falls is all you can do at this point. What else does she want? A hand railing? How about a baby bottle for the little baby whiner? We can call her a whaabulance when she does fall.

Take out a really large life insurance policy out on your 82 year old dear Mother & then let her attempt those stairs all by herself, it will be like winning the lottery.

Just add a few volts of electricity to the stairs when she visits. Like a goat fence…she’ll prefer to stay downstairs.

82? She’s had a good long life, have you considered sending her to Switzerland….

How is this NOT wheelchair accessible??

Losing my mind at (She is a chronic complainer)

 Have her try this if she is too stubborn to use those stairs.

I upvoted this and both of my ankles snapped just looking at this.

Physical fitness and agility is really important for women in old age. You could help her by installing a balance beam over a spike pit before the stairs

Turn it into a sick ass ramp and teach her some tricks

Is she a heavy drinker? Otherwise she should prob be okay.

If it makes her feel more safe, suggest she crawl up the stairs

Have you tried asking her to be reasonable?

Can you ask her for me? Please?

Tell her to put a (grippy) sock in it and get back to baking

Remove those stairs and replace them with rock climbing holds. Mum needs to keep up her grip strength somehow.

MAGNET BOOTS

Install monkey bars above them, I’m going to assume she skips leg day.

It's good practice for her balance. /s

Wrap her in bubble wrap

I had a similar situation. The solution was actually simple: get a pogo stick for going up and a unicycle for going down. She only complained one time after that and I never had to hear about it again. Unrelatedly: I stopped by her grave this weekend. It was peaceful. You’ll miss her when she’s gone.

When my mom had this problem I glued magnets to the bottoms of her shoes.

Acorn stairlift.

Install a pulley system so she can pull her walker up behind her.

Nineties are so in right now—get her the inflatable jumpsuit from Missy Elliot’s Supa Dupa Fly video.

NTA

Tell her to man up and stop being a pussy.

Whoa. Those stairs are trippy. … I’m here all day, folks.

Rubber ducky grip stickers

I dub these “Satan’s ladder”

Paint them the same color as the walls and floor.

She probably calls them "anxiety stairs". Talk about dramatic, smh.

Your mom knows how to go down on these steps, I can assure you of that…

LOL, this shows up on my feed and I was so confused by the comments until I checked the subreddit.

Buy her grippy socks

If she can't use these stairs, body slam her into the pavement

She sounds like a complete sourpuss! What's the world coming to, when 82 year old grandmas refuse to put on kneepads and helmets to go upstairs?

Some kitchen knives at the bottom of the stairs turned upward will provide proper mother in law motivation

She has no need to go upstairs.

"And this is literally the stair to heaven my mom used that last time I saw her"....

I didn’t read the subreddit name at first and was so confused why everyone is encouraging OP lmao

I did not know what this community was and are the onion for about 10 seconds haha

set up a bed for her UNDER the stairs to remind her not to complain about wanting to be on the second level next time she visits

Those complaining older women relatives…. They’re a piece of work.

Loving those pelvis punishers

Paint them a color that stands out more, like tan

Some people will *never* be satisfied. She probably wants you to install a ramp. Just tell her she has no reason to go upstairs. She’s the one who decided to live with you simply because her health is failing and she’s old. Tell her that’s her problem. Maybe if she’d paid attention and watched her footing, then her hip wouldn’t have gotten broken in the first place. 🙄

Yes, I know. Hence "circlejerk"

Drunk death trap

I’ve had nightmares about these stairs.

Mother sized slingshot at base of stairs…. YEET

If either of my sons (one X-er and one Millenial) did this, I’d just regard it as my off-limits zone, and set up a State Trooper Headquarters area at my house.

I think just go ahead and break your mom's neck, damn complainer!

Hmm…those dull stairs look like they could use a good oiling to bring out their shine. Crisco, Pam or any cooking oil should do the trick. Or if she’s been a good Gma, go all out with axle grease. Why climb up stairs when you could slide? #efficient

Do they flex a lot? Look like they flex a lot

Install a winch at the top of the stairs.

Flashing strobe lights might help her see the steps better

Id die on those after a few beers

Award-winning Inferior Designer.

Tell her to always wear socks (socks only, NO shoes!) when using the stairs. This should alleviate any complaining.

"The Greatest Generation," my ass. For real though, thosevare terrifying

Oh just put her in a home and forget about her.

Your 82 year old mom needs to buck up! I don’t see a problem

Just tell her to suck it up. If she really can’t use them maybe you’ll get your inheritance before she spends it all.

Na na she needs the fancy magnetic shoes 👞 or some really grippy tread tape

Add some snow and wind so every time she uses them she can complain appropriately.

May I suggest a tiger at the bottom of the stairs so she feels motivated? It could be in a cage on a timer that deactivates once you reach the top in a timely manner?? That's the problem with elderly people today! They just aren't motivated to pull themselves up by their bootstraps and DO 👏🏿 THE 👏🏽 WORK 👏🏻🙄

Tell her to manifest levitation bro