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SportsPi

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LostBeneathMySkin

Imagine the feeling of learning you’ve been unknowingly guzzling some old dudes cum. Every single time your water tasted weird flashes before your eyes… that is some nasty nasty work by that dude.


VolkspanzerIsME

This reminds me of the post where that chick said she and every other woman can smell if a dudes jerked it in the last week. I'm beginning to doubt the validity of her claims.


CaptainOktoberfest

So probably 9 out of 10 guys will smell


Orphanblood

That 1 only didn't have time to do it and forgot because he got hungry. He will circle back.


VolkspanzerIsME

Can confirm. Being a wage slave means sometimes you're just too tired and busy to enjoy flogging the dolphin.


freeparKing33

You can go a week without? Impressive


dukemccool

Lmao 🤣


IssaDonDadaDiddlyDoo

10… 10 out of 10 guys will smell haha


UTDE

what's her reference smell. Does anyone know enough guys that haven't wanked or had sex in the last week to really get an accurate gauge of what not having busted smells like. Sounds like some shit a fundie would say to try and trick people into not masturbating


evin90

Lol I'm fucked. 


Supanini

Sounds like not enough to me


walterpeck1

Look, I got told to go fuck myself and I'm just following directions!


Makaveli80

>  This reminds me of the post where that chick said she and every other woman can smell if a dudes jerked it in the last week. How would they know about jerking vs sex? 


VolkspanzerIsME

I have no idea. It was a post from tik Tok or some shit someone posted on Reddit where this chick claims these things.


grachi

Never listen to anything on TikTok.


AskMeForAPhoto

Yes. Just Reddit. The *tips fedora* sophisticated social media, where everything is honorable and truthful.


grachi

Yea Reddits not much better, but TikTok is certainly worse


Necessary_Cash_3742

Everything on the internet is true (I read that on the internet)


Redessences

In my experience Reddit is significantly better. A video like this posted on Reddit would have been immediately called out, kind of like right now, but the TikTok comments will just be a bunch of emojis and shit


Grimbletron

Because then I smell like my wife vagina.


jesstifer

If you have to ask..


LostBeneathMySkin

Don’t believe everything you read on here dude. If there’s any doubt, that doubt is probably valid! I believe that there is no way that’s true.


VolkspanzerIsME

I was being sarcastic. I trust absolutely *nothing* I see here on Reddit without verifying the sauce.


myaltaccount333

I dont believe that statement I'm having a bit of doubt


Schwiliinker

In the last week? Does anyone actually go over a whole week?


VolkspanzerIsME

I've gotten close a few times being exhausted from work but no, I don't think so. Pretty sure your balls would explode after a week or two.


Portmanteau_that

Yeah you definitely die. Better keep jorking it


Terpomo11

Some people do No Nut November.


Schwiliinker

I mean I thought it was a joke


Terpomo11

I actually did it once, I don't think I'm the only person.


aaTrojan34

Yeah, he smells like a guy.


jelacey

I counteract this by jerking so much that I only smell to these magical woman on my non-jerk days, which is just Boxing day and sometimes Easter.


Underwater_Karma

Boxing Day still kind of sounds like a masturbation day


Jagacin

Surely not if you bathe regularly.


tragicroyal

In the last week? Jesus fucking Christ no wonder women love perfume


TrippinLSD

“He told investigators that the lewd acts were revenge against the two women who were bullying his wife who also worked at the Spanish Olympic Committee in the Hortaleza neighbourhood.” Yes, I’m sure it was all just a bizarre revenge plot…


gatorbowl

It’s a series of mental gymnastics and leaps of judgment he’s done to validate his actions to… himself


DelverOfSeacrest

At least it's not Dasani


UDPviper

Everyone knows Deja Blue is the best water.


MC_Queen

Reminder to clean your water bottles often.


Bodie_The_Dog

I don't have to imagine it. Some dude at our local Domino's Pizza at college was doing that. And we ate a lot of pizza.


LostBeneathMySkin

Dude noooo… jizzing on the pizza?!


Bodie_The_Dog

For real. Dude worked there for two years before he was caught.


LostBeneathMySkin

That’s fucked up! Sorry you had to deal with that whackness


albiorix_

Half moon bay ritz Carlton water bottle jizz case, wild shit.


tatang2015

But, why are they not washing their containers?


weavs13

I wash mine out at the end of my work day. If someone messed with it after that I probably wouldn't notice to be honest.


tatang2015

I was right before I use in the morning. It’s clean when I use it.


LostBeneathMySkin

Ahh yes just simply wash your containers and it won’t matter if some old dude has been ejaculating in them


tatang2015

Well, yes, that’s how washing containers works. It removes the crap that is in the container. They could leave shit in the container and washing would remove it.


LostBeneathMySkin

Thanks for the lesson but buddy, the guy was jizzing in their containers. You could wash them 1000 times and it doesn’t make it any less whack and criminal. Don’t matter how clean you’ve gotten it, that’s fucking disgusting.


MC_Queen

What it does is give them a chance to see what's in the container. Semen does not look like water, and I bet they would have spotted it. Which, yes, would have caused an investigation sooner, or at least brought up questions sooner. He was absolutely wrong, not splitting hairs about that. It's disgusting and I want to vomit on behalf of those ladies, but I bet they'll be washing their bottles more often and looking inside.


tatang2015

Cleaning the container doesn’t change the oddity of the persons behavior. Cleaning decreases the yuck factor.


LostBeneathMySkin

Oddity?? This is a little more than an oddity lmao this is CRIMINAL behaviour. And it’s horribly disgusting. Cleaning a bottle that’s been jizzed in by a stranger might decrease the yuck factor for you, but I’d be willing to bet most people, myself included, would never use that bottle again.


walterpeck1

>Cleaning decreases the yuck factor. Why does that matter in this case?


MC_Queen

When you clean it, you typically pour out the contents, right? I can see ways that could have been helpful for the women in avoiding drinking this nasty old man's sausage juice.


walterpeck1

Helpful? Yes. Relevant? No.


MC_Queen

Why isn't that relevant? Seems like a very relevant statement. Would have avoided so much cum. But you do you buddy.


medium-rare-chicken

Ok look at it this way. You clean your bottle before you go to the gym, you get to the gym and the old dude decides to jizz in it . How exactly does cleaning the bottle before you even get there help ?


tatang2015

Dude is messing with the container at night, not during daytime. If they washed the containers in the morning, there’s no yuck.


stokelydokely

Why are you dying on this absolutely moronic hill? It is so not the point of this story and all you're doing is placing some amount of blame on the victims.


tatang2015

All I’m saying is wash the container you drink from. It’s not that hard. Not washing is gross.


medium-rare-chicken

I think you might just like drinking jizz so you might as well admit it . Usually the inside of water bottles don’t get that dirty , you know unless someone is jizzing in them . But the reality is no matter how you look at it the guy is a piece of shit for doing that and you keep trying to find ways to justify it so you’re probably just as sick and delusional as he is .


tatang2015

Please don’t project your fantasy scenario. That’s your dream, not mine. Clean your water bottles and containers!


vampirobrasileiro

In Brazil a couple used to sell appetizers at their bar made with human meat...


Enough-Staff-2976

Where did they get it from?


vampirobrasileiro

https://www.indiatoday.in/world/story/cannibal-couple-makes-human-flesh-pies-after-killing-women-227341-2014-11-15 and from many Brazilian newspapers.


ThisAppsForTrolling

A SECURITY guard at the Spanish Olympic Committee in Madrid allegedly carried out a revenge campaign against two female colleagues by masturbating into their water bottles. The victims, two Spanish women aged 22 and 29, grew suspicious in November when they started noticing their metal bottles were frequently moved and sometimes tasted or smelled strange. However the true horror of the situation only became apparent when other employees were investigating unrelated thefts in the building. While scrolling through hours of CCTV video to catch the thief, staff found footage of a night shift guard that they could barely believe. A security guard working at the Spanish Olympic Committee was arrested and charged for masturbating into female co-workers’ water bottles The images clearly showed the 67-year-old man masturbating next to the security room and ejaculating directly into his co-worker’s metal bottles. By interrogating further CCTV, they found that it was not just an isolated incident but a repeated campaign targeting the two women that occurred at least six times. The suspect was a Romanian national who had worked at the Spanish Olympic Committee for over 16 years and was on the cusp of retirement. He told investigators that the lewd acts were revenge against the two women who were bullying his wife who also worked at the Spanish Olympic Committee in the Hortaleza neighbourhood. However, a source within the Spanish Olympic Committee dismissed this justification. *Straight to jail*


blacksoxing

> He told investigators that the lewd acts were revenge against the two women who were bullying his wife I bet his wife didn't even know


MC_Queen

I bet he hit on them, they rejected him, he felt emasculated, and decided they MUST receive his seed now. Edit: damn you poor spelling choices!


Titus01

> immaculated while he may have felt free of sin at the time, there is nothing immaculate about what he did. The word you are looking for is emasculated.


LouSputhole94

Babe I got those two bitches back you’ll never guess what I did


BrrToe

I'm genuinely surprised they couldn't smell it in the bottle unless he's only putting in like a drop or something.


my_soldier

It will be massively diluted when you fill up the bottle.


BrrToe

The taste, yes, but the smell is very strong and distinct. I guess I'll have to expirement...


TheBakedPotatoDude

It... Really shouldn't smell strong


scarabin

“Tasted strange”? Who doesn’t notice they’re chewing on a load instead of drinking water?


robbeau11

That’s a sentence I wish I never read…..eeewwww


buttboob_

Uhhh… chewing?


scarabin

Ever have sex in the shower?


awesomeplenty

Luckily not crunchy sperms


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LukeMayeshothand

Nah he discharged His weapon.


-Plantibodies-

>The guard was arrested in January and charged with moral corruption and sexual assault Reducing your reactivity can help increase your comprehension.


roamingthought

On the next episode… masturbating in prison


naughty_dad2

Inmates will also complain


Quakes98

they’ll do way worse than just complain


tr1mble

He should never take a drink from anything given to him in there ......


jb6997

Omg WTH is wrong with people.


NottDisgruntled

JFC


hardtofindagoodname

He was just sending a message in a bottle.


SPEK2120

I DIDN’T CUM IN YOUR WATER BOTTLE! I WOULDN’T *DO* THAT TO YOU!


donkey_d1ck

certain crimes like this should be eye for an eye… For example he should have to drink half a gallon of cum in one sitting.


Hexatica

Freshly sourced from a local donkey, like in fear factor


skelsor87

Holy crap, you weren’t joking. That actually happened!😖


43_Hobbits

Death penalty or he has to drink a cup full of cum


UDPviper

Premium Bukkake is now an instructional video site.


Makaveli80

That would be poetic justice. Might happen in prison...drinking and taking it up the bum might be happening 


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Fergi

There are easier ways to self cum guzzle.


NottDisgruntled

After a *hard* day’s work the man just wanted to crack open an ice cold cum water and relax.


123boobs

How would they not feel the stringy jizz? Has anyone came in the shower and seen how stringy it gets in water?


SpaceB-holePenisWorm

Iirc this is a hot water thing, though I haven’t done any cold-shower cum science to confirm this so who knows


Firecracker048

What the fuck


Michael074

if a drink leaves my vision it's dead to me.


Weazywest

Dude should go under the jail


Mjm0628

Bruh wtf


gabehcuod37

I never sit my drink down and let it out on my sight.


st0l1

“When they left he came in,” said the employee…. Yes, yes he did.


auzzie_kangaroo94

Wish I didnt read the title


xVx_Dread

dirty bastard... dirty, filthy, creepy bastard. What a fucking lowlife he needs to be in a 5X9 for this. Disgusting!


hawk_199

Cum on.... that's disgusting and why isn't he in jail?


iSightTwentyTwenty

Roses are red, bees make honey:


souljump

My water bottle tastes funny?


mandibal

I forgot about boottoobig


guyvh

Having this article hosted on 'theolivepress' makes it so much worse


ledinred2

What’s the charge he was arrested on? Wondering how this would be classified from a legal standpoint.


division23

Sexual assault I would hazard to guess, or whatever poisoning someones food would be


nitrobskt

"...charged with moral corruption and sexual assault..." from the article.


TheHunterZolomon

I mean if spitting on someone can be assault with a biological agent, this I would imagine to be worse.


Blackn35s

r/NotTheOnion


sherriffflood

As bizarre as it is, that is such a huge sexual violation on a person. If he meant that they would drink it, it should carry a very heavy sexual assault charge


Donteatthatplease

They probably just thought they were drinking Dasani.


Boggie135

What in the holy hell!?


NolaPurple

Make him drink a water bottle full of period blood


ShutterBun

Dear god


awesomeplenty

Drown him in fresh bukkake as a punishment


tkcool73

What a terrible day to understand the English language.


jitterbug726

Sometimes I hate having the ability to read


BrokenManOfSamarkand

"My water bottle is not where I left it, and tastes like cum. Oh well! *gulp gulp gulp*"


chicobarkay

and men don't understand why women are choosing the bear.


dmgdispenser

Pretty sure this happened in America too, but a different dude. 


DylMcCo

Reminds me of this story https://www.ocregister.com/2011/04/22/man-gets-jail-for-semen-in-co-workers-water-bottle/amp/


jimboTRON261

Where my roach reporters at!?


dunwoodyres1

Cheese and rice


fargolaflame

Wicked wicked wicked


AkenoHimejima

Reminds me of Onani Master Kurozawa


montyque

Crosspost to r/RodStewart?


doggystyles69

More like Masterbater Guard


yamaha2000us

This tastes familiar. I can’t put my finger on it…


fzkiz

Free protein


JayServo

That guy should be executed.


AnthonyBarrHeHe

Lmfao he said he did it to get revenge on the girls because they were bullying his wife? And the they dismissed that right away saying how not true it is. Seems like this old bastard is just a sick, nasty dude.


Donteatthatplease

They just probably thought they were drinking Dasani.


sirdouglasdeez

Burry him under the jail.


Justindean89

If ya kno ya kno


Mezla00

The subject of this olivepress article was pressing their olives into water bottles.


Arntor1184

This is why we need the death penalty


Obiwan_ca_blowme

Well, if they were in fact bullies then I suddenly have run out of fucks to give.


Groover001

But they weren’t. I just said that to try and justify his actions.


crazeegenius

You are trying to justify his actions?


Obiwan_ca_blowme

Of course you, nor I, know if that is true or not.


PSG-2022

We just going to ignore the bullying? He wrong and they are wrong - all three are shit bags


Efflorescent-

We're just going to take this sick fuck at his word? Do better 🤡


Zarnell

Only 9?


Ecook2231

Flush it if you don't want the smell to linger lol


ImJPaul

He could always get a job at Dunkin Donuts. 🤷‍♂️


andyatreddit

Geez, first the kiss, now this?!! Come on, Spain


UDPviper

Cloudy Sangria is a red flag.


King_Khoma

not only is that a dumb comment to make, the guy is a romanian national.